Later lack of care: Forkin Numpty: Second hand avoidance: Where did you get that hat: Pot for the Potty and Riccing:.

Definite lack of warm, indefinite amounts of skywater, a whimsy of atmospheric movement and sod all solar stuff at the Castle this morn, the wet stuff is that nasty fine drizzly thingy that gets into all your nooks and grannies, but I did catch a snatch of Dawn's crack yestermorn.

The itches have finally gorn, the diabetes thingy is well under control and his Maj has discovered the joy of waiting for me to wash the kitchen floor and then dashing in through his "smart" cat flap and leaving muddy paw prints all over the place.

Been in the garden most of the week, putting up fences, concreting in posts, repairing the back gate, moving stepping stones and having a general fettle.

Also been watching the Ice Cold Olympics, really nice to see a load of young maniacs going about their business and enjoying it.

 

Over to the East

The Ukraine thingy is still dragging on and has been the "most important story" according to the BEEB and the rest of the media, lovely, really don't give a Porpoise's plums, have a think about Northern Ireland, Afghanistan and Iraq; what interests me more is:-

 

Up Norf

The case of a diabetic patient who died at Stafford Hospital has "wider implications" that mean a judge needs "time to reflect" before sentencing the NHS Trust, a court has been told.

Gillian Astbury, 66, lapsed into a coma after nurses failed to give her insulin and died at the hospital in April 2007.

Mid Staffordshire NHS Foundation Trust admitted health and safety breaches.

Mr Justice Haddon-Cave told Stafford Crown Court he would reserve sentencing of the trust to a later date.

An inquest in 2010 ruled there had been a failure to provide basic care.

 

Bollocks, this has been going on far too long, let's see a few "managers/CEO's" slapped in prison for corporate manslaughter...

 

Left a lot to the place where James Tiberius Kirk comes from

When a vending machine refused to give Robert McKevitt from Iowa in the USA his choccy bar, he decided to attack it with an 8,000lb (3,628kg) forklift.

Apparently the Forkin Numpty was overjoyed when two extra bars dropped into the tray but his joy was short-lived after he was eventually fired for inappropriate use of the company' property.

'That machine was trouble,' the 27-year-old said.

'They fired me, and now I hear they have all new vending machines there.'

 

Life's a Twix.....

 

Back in Blighty

Allegedly Chris Moyles claimed to be second-hand car dealer to avoid tax on £1 million, Moyles, 40, was one of the BBC’s highest-paid stars as the presenter of Radio 1’s Breakfast Show when he joined the scheme run by NT Advisers, whose initials stand for “no tax”, in 2007.

He filed a self-assessment tax return that claimed he had “engaged in self-employment as a used car trader” during the year to April 2008.

The broadcaster said finance charges he had incurred through his involvement in the second-hand vehicle business meant he suffered a loss of more than £1 million, which he sought to set against his other tax liabilities.

The top rate of income tax at the time was 40 per cent, meaning he could have avoided paying £400,000.

After investigating his case, HMRC rejected the loss claim, leading the former BBC star to launch an appeal before a tax tribunal along with two other wealthy men who had also used the Working Wheels scheme.

Moyles did not give evidence to the tribunal but submitted "a very brief and rather uninformative” witness statement that made it clear he had entered the scheme “for no purpose other than to achieve a tax saving”, Judge Colin Bishopp said.

 

Oh dear; what a shame.......NOT....

 

The future of Millinery?

 

Or not....

 

Back over to the left a lot

Cannabis and cookies is turning out to be a winning recipe for some enterprising Girl Scouts.

Lexi Carney, 8, set up shop outside the TruMed medical marijuana dispensary in Phoenix Saturday, where a day earlier she sold 76 boxes of the popular cookies in just a couple of hours, Arizona's 3TV reported.

Lei's mother, like Carney's, accompanied her child, and told the East Bay Express she feels it's perfectly safe.

"There's always a security guard and cameras everywhere," she said.

Neither of the girls' scout troops commented officially on their business ventures, but in Colorado, where recreational marijuana is legal, the Girl Scouts posted a statement on their Face book page condemning the practice of selling outside any "adult-oriented business."

 

Oh well, that's alright then...

 

And finally:

 

Somewhere in a fridge/oven/box

Back in November 2013, Christina Ricci decided to put her entire body in her fridge. She shared the picture via Twitter, and in the blink of an eye started an Internet phenomenon called "riccing." People pose for pictures while squeezed into a confined space, such as the inside of a cupboard, oven or refrigerator.

 

 

I'd  be happy just to find some food in my fridge...

 

That's it: I'm orf to Sue the EU for bad weather and other stuff

 

And today's thought:

Be afraid, be very afraid.

 

 

Angus

Skip tax: Vehicle ransom charges: Google's image search algorithm: Green Numpty: Minge on countdown: and Mud pit jumping.

Nice and cool at the Castle this morn, a touch of atmospheric movement and still not a drop of skywater, but I did rinse all the yellow stuff orf the Honda yestermorn.

Just returned from the stale bread gruel and his Maj’s food run dahn Tesco, and I popped into the forecourt to put a cupful or two of go juice in the motor, cheaper to stuff ten pound notes in the tank....

 

And talking of things that use hydrocarbons

Son of a B......aronet George (I don’t have to worry about the doctor’s strike because I have BUPA) Osborne has come up with a cunning plan to screw drivers even more.

“Government” officials have begun private discussions with the motoring industry and drivers’ groups about an overhaul of the Vehicle Excise Duty (VED) rules.

One option being considered would replace the annual tax on cars with a one-off up-front charge on new vehicles when they are sold.

Allegedly ministers are “considering whether Vehicle Excise Duty should be reformed to support the sustainability of public finances and to reflect the improvements in vehicle fuel efficiency”.

The annual road tax for cars ranges from zero for those with the lowest CO2 emissions — which include electric and hybrid cars — to more than £200 for those with larger and less efficient petrol and diesel engines.

VED raises almost £6 billion a year for the Treasury, but official forecasts show that the revenue from the tax will fall as more people chose to drive low-emission cars.

The Office of Budget Responsibility this year cut its forecast for VED revenues by £100 million a year from 2014/15 to reflect the move towards cleaner cars.

Making up that shortfall would cost the equivalent of £20 a year for every motorist in the country.

Cheers George....

Staying with the alien reptile in disguise who has the IQ of a bollard

Britain faces a nationwide epidemic of fly-tipping and thousands of jobs will be lost because of a massive increase in charges to dump rubbish, waste companies warned last night as George Osborne was hit by a new tax row.

They also forecast that skips full of rubble would go uncollected around the country after an increase of nearly 2,500 per cent in the tax for dumping some types of rubbish in landfill sites.

The tax man has decided that the amount charged for dumping some waste materials soar from £2.50 to £64 a tonne.

The HMRC said last night it had merely acted because landfill sites were charging waste firms the wrong rates.

But the skip disposal industry, which employs between 20,000 and 30,000 people, says it will now cost £300 to empty a typical skip, compared with £144 before last week's tax rise.

 Thanks again George...that’ll help the unemployment figures.

All across the net thingy

Two U.K. artist/geeks ran some computer code and replaced all 21,000 words in an average dictionary with the first Google image that pops up for each word.

The result is a 1,240-page tome of the best and worst of Google's image search algorithm, laid out in colourful columns, in alphabetical order -- starting with a picture of an aardvark. The thumb-indexed pages are bound in a swirl-patterned hardcover.

And apparently about half of the Google Book is "revolting medical photos, porn, racism or bad cartoons"

West and co-artist Felix Heyes hope to print a small number of the books for sale. Anyone interested in signing up can visit their websites at bewe.me and felixheyes.com.

 

Now, where do I start-Aardvark?

West more than a lot and dahn to where you can get some hairs cut

Paulo Henrique dos Santos is green with---paint.

He coated himself head-to-toe with green paint to become the “Hulk” for a running event, sadly the paint wasn’t of the body ilk but industrial green stuff.

After scrubbing himself and having “about 20 baths”, the 35-year-old was still coated in green.

Paulo, who also works as a DJ in Rio de Janeiro, mistakenly used the hardcore paint when the shop he went to didn’t have the brand he normally used

But after a team of friends and neighbours scrubbed for 24 hours, the offending paint eventually came off-along with most of his skin.....

 

Back in intellectual Blighty

Countdown has done it again, the latest cringing cock up is-----MINGE, on yesterday’s show, maths expert Rachel Riley picked out the right sequence of consonants and vowels to spell out “that” word.

After the 30 seconds' thinking time, champion Suzi Purcell declared a seven letter word, MINGERS, which raised a small titter from the studio.

 

The joy of the English language....

And finally:

Back over to the left and up quite a distance

Americans have been taking part in a rather different competition - the 16th annual Redneck Olympics.

The event, which took place in East Dubin, Georgia, kicked off with the traditional lighting of a torch made from a beer can - and carried on with some rather unusual events.

Those taking part had the chance to bob for pig's trotters, throw themselves into mud pits and take part in toilet seat tossing in a bid to win one of the tournament's beer can-shaped trophies.

The Games originally began in 1996 - the year that the summer Olympics were held in Atlanta - and were created by a local radio broadcaster in response to a remark that the Games 'were being held by a bunch of rednecks'.

More than 5,000 people turned up to the first-ever Games, with a further 95,000 having attended in the past ten years.

Looks like a lot more fun than “our” multi billion pound debacle...

That’s it: I’m orf to sequence a genome for tastier tomatoes

And today’s thought:

Slo-mo Olympics

Angus

Pissed and broke: Nudge-nudge #2: Domestic tax breaks: Quackers: Bottled smoke: Two old farts: Dog parking: and Top Totty defeats Kate Green.

A nice fresh layer of deep, crisp and even at the Castle this morn, his Maj has re-attached himself to the radiator, and the butler has been in the dungeon so long shoving fat, drunk teenagers into the furnace that he is sending out sonar to find his way about.

The over the channel lurgy has reached new heights-I fancy building a big metal tower in the garden.

Over the frozen salty thing to the left

Allegedly an American-Indian tribe in South Dakota has sued some of the world's biggest beer firms over severe alcohol-related issues in the community.

The Oglala Sioux Tribe is asking for $500m (£316m) for healthcare, social services and child rehabilitation.

Tribal elders say the lawsuit is a last resort after efforts to curb abuse through protests and policy failed.

On the Pine Ridge Indian Reservation one in four children suffers foetal disorders caused by alcohol abuse.

The lawsuit, filed in the district court of Nebraska, targets Anheuser-Busch InBev Worldwide, SAB Miller, Molson Coors Brewing Company, MillerCoors LLC, and Pabst Brewing Company.

Self inflicted?

Back in deep, crisp and even Blighty

Knobhead David Halpern, a senior No.10 aide and the director of the No 10 Behavioural Insight Team, known as the “nudge unit” thinks that Elderly people should be encouraged to go back to work and move into smaller homes.

In a presentation, Mr Halpern said pensioners should be encouraged to return to work because of the benefits of social interaction for the elderly.

He told delegates at the Stockholm summit that more than half of those older than 75 in Britain described themselves as lonely “all or most of the time”.

“Work matters, particularly for older people, not just for money, but absolutely for social contact,” he said.

Not to mention all the tax they would pay, and stamp duty, and the pensions that wouldn't...

And just to prove that “we are all in this together”

Families could be given tax breaks for hiring cleaners and cooks to help with household chores, under a scheme to be considered by ministers.

The proposal could save middle-class families thousands of pounds a year in fees for domestic help and encourage more women to return to work after having children.

It would also act to cut the number of illegal workers, who are often paid “cash in hand”.

The idea would be modelled on a successful scheme operating in Sweden which has caught the eye of the Prime Monster.

Snag is that the Swedish economy is heading the same way as Blighty’s

East to the land of crispy birds

A farmer was spotted marching hundreds of ducks along a busy motorway in China.

Xu Ling promptly marched the beaked birds along a 70mph highway in Changde, Hunan.

Mr Ling was transporting his herd of ducks back to his land from a nearby lake where they had been feeding.

Despite the risk of a fine and a caution from the police, the farmer took the superfast highway to avoid taking the long route home.

'I know I shouldn't do it and that the police will fine me if they see me, but I have more than 200 birds and you need a wide road to herd them all along at the same time,' he explained.

'The only other way home is through lots of small alleys and you lose too many birds like that.



Pass the orange sauce....

Left again

Jim Dingilian uses candle smoke to paint images on the inside of empty bottles.

According to Jim “The miniature scenes I depict are of locations on the edge of suburbia which seem mysterious or even slightly menacing despite their commonplace nature. The bottles add to the implied narratives of transgression. When found by the sides of roads or in the weeds near the edges of parking lots, empty liquor bottles are artefacts of consumption, delight, or dread. As art objects, they become hourglasses of sorts, their drained interiors now inhabited by dim memories”

Yeah right, but the “pictures” are 'interesting'...

Still on the left

Arnie and Sly “bumped into each other in ‘orspital, in an amazing coincidence the two action stars had been booked in to have treatment on their shoulders at the same medical centre, on the same day.

Writing online Arnie said: ""After all the action, stunts & physical abuse shooting The Expendables 2 and The Last Stand, it was time for a little tune up on my shoulder.

"Look who was coincidentally waiting in line behind me for his shoulder surgery. Now we're ready for another round of great times and action when we shoot The Tomb."

 Obviously we're not suggesting this is a publicity stunt for 'The Tomb'

No shit....

Back in Nordic Blighty

For a small fee, UK pet owners will be able to drop their dogs off in a specially designed cage complete with its very own cooling fan for those hot sunny days.

It has been a massive hit in Europe and is now set to be launched in the UK later this year.

The 45 inch, plastic device was designed by a Norwegian company in 2004 after the introduction of a new law stopping owners from tying their pets to the front of public entrances following a spate of dog attacks across the country.

Norsk Hundeparkering now wants to bring their product to the UK following its enormous popularity in Norway.

Oh joy...

And finally:

Still in feminist Blighty

A campaign which led to "Top Totty" beer being banned from the House Of Commons bar has backfired - after sales increased across the country.

Family-run Staffordshire brewer Slater's revealed it has seen sales jump since one of its ales upset a MP Kate Green and attracted headlines around the world last week.

Slater's sales director Fay Slater announced that the firm has been bombarded with phone calls and emails from landlords wanting to get their hands on barrels of Top Totty.

The welcome boost for the popular ale comes after the four per cent beer was removed from sale at the Strangers' Bar, in the Houses of Parliament, after shadow equalities minister Ms Green said the pump clip, which features a half-naked lady, was offensive.

Now Slater's says it has sold around 50 more barrels than it shifts in an average week, with around half a dozen pubs saying they want to start selling the controversial ale too.

Up yours minister.....

That’s it: I’m orf to freeze some gruel.

And today’s thought:

Tax break

Angus

Taxing cock-ups: Fit for cancer: Only wipe once: Mooving mowers: Type a picture: and Light trucks.

Colder than the coldest thing at the Castle this morn, since “retiring” the phone hasn’t stopped ringing with users wanting a fix-sod it, and I decided to have a clear out yestermorn, loaded the Honda up with stuff for the “recycling centre” shut the tailgate and........smashed the rear window.

My poor old ventilated motor is now dahn the “windscreen” place awaiting delivery of a new rear exit window-that’ll teach me.

Allegedly HMRC is being a naughty dept

A highly controversial tax deal which cost the public purse billions may have been illegal, according to allegations being examined by a powerful parliamentary committee.

The public accounts committee is considering claims from a whistleblower who says that an agreement to waive a potential tax bill of up to £7bn from Vodafone may have been outside the powers of HM Revenue and Customs (HMRC).

Separately, the whistleblower has also claimed that an agreement that HMRC officials claimed let the US-based bank Goldman Sachs off less than £10m was actually worth about £20m to taxpayers.

The committee wants to commission a QC to examine the allegations in depth.

The move could cause further problems for Dave Hartnett, the head of HMRC, who has admitted making mistakes while settling high-yield tax disputes with multinational companies.

A spokesman for HMRC said: "We are entirely confident that our approach to large business tax settlements is the right one. This approach has brought in more than £13bn from large businesses since 2006.

Make your bloody minds up.....

And our caring, sharing Piss Poor Policies Millionaires Club Coalition

Has decided that cancer patients undergoing chemotherapy will be forced to prove they are not fit to work or face their benefits being cut, under Government proposals.

Sufferers will have to undergo medical tests and interviews or lose their entitlements, which are worth up to £100 a week.

The proposals, which include testing for those receiving radiotherapy treatment are included in a report to ministers.

The report’s author, Prof Malcolm Harrington, is the government’s official adviser on reforming welfare payments for the sick.

I give up....

Over in one of the lands that used to have money

Schoolchildren in Catalonia are the latest victims of austerity cuts with authorities instructing them to limit their use of lavatory paper in a bid to save money.

The north-eastern region has been ordered to rein in its deficit and has embarked on a series of stringent austerity cuts.

The latest edict issued by the region’s ministry of education instructs state schools to cut “excessive consumption” of toilet roll among pupils and limit the quota to a maximum of 25 metres per child per month.

Good job that shirts have tails...

Back in Blighty

Sutton Council is drafting in a crack team of Sussex cattle to look after the rare chalk grasslands of Roundshaw Downs.

The cattle, one of the UK's oldest breeds, will be tasked with keeping weeds and shrubs away from the borough's largest nature reserve. It was feared the weeds could potentially overrun the downs, which is vital to harbouring wild flowers, insects and ground-nesting birds like skylarks.

Councillor Colin Hall, environment spokesman, said: “This is an innovative way of helping to preserve Sutton’s rare chalk grasslands. The Downs can support up to 50 different species of plants within one square metre, and bringing in grazing cattle will help the plants and animals that live there to flourish.

“It’s also a great way of bringing a little bit of the countryside into the city, and will give local children the chance to see farmyard animals right on their doorsteps.”

Spiffing-and the bonus is that free school milk will be available......

Somewhere over the rainbow

Tyree Callahan has invented a machine that can create pictures by swapping the ink on the typewriter keys for oil paint. 

The artist got the idea for his ‘chromatic typewriter’ after experimenting with another machine as he struggled with a watercolour in his studio. 

‘I have an old Olivetti typewriter lying around and I thought to add some text to the watercolour,’ he said. 

‘I rolled the watercolour into the carriage and started typing and that’s when the inspiration struck. I knew that an older typewriter would be ideal for the project.’


Tyree chose a 1937 Underwood Standard typewriter to create his prototype. 

But he had to first spend more than three weeks cleaning the model, which he bought at an antique shop.

Isn’t that why they invented printers...

And finally: 

East to the land of expensive car crashes

Trucks known as Dekotora or Decotora, an abbreviation for 'decoration truck' have appeared to raise money for a Japanese children’s charity.

Families in Japan can spend months fitting each vehicle with about £100,000 of eye-catching bling.

They feature so many light bulbs that extra generators have to be fitted under the lorry’s chassis to power them.

The generators can only be switched on for about 20 minutes before they overheat.

Some Lorries feature ‘tusks’ made of protruding lights. Others are decked out in themes, including one green ‘monster truck’.

Inside, the effect is just as grandiose with one cavernous interior featuring a carpeted dashboard – covered in wallpaper – and complete with an enormous glass chandelier.

Hundreds of the gaudy Lorries flock to meetings where owners show off and swap tips.

Shame they weren’t about when those Numptys in the Ferraris managed to “lose control”.

That’s it: I’m orf to look for Squamanita paradoxa 

And today’s thought:

Angus

NO SURPRISE THERE THEN

The Gov who recently announced their “wonderful” apprenticeship bill, are now saying that the economic downturn is threatening the bill.

As usual our Gov has started what should be an excellent idea and approached it in a half hearted, half-baked and half arsed way.

They knew that the “downturn was coming but they couldn’t resist the chance for spin and “look at us” attitude they have shown throughout their “reign”. BBC NEWS

And have probably dashed the hopes of the kids who wanted to take them up on this scheme and better themselves.

HMRC, those wonderful tax persons, are under threat, there are rumours that there are to be redundancies. BBC NEWS

“HM Revenue & Customs is to close more than 90 offices, which the PCS union says will lead to 3,400 job cuts.

The union said the closures, across the UK, would be "bad for business, the public and the taxpayer".

However, an HMRC spokeswoman said the union was "scaremongering" and that it had announced no new job losses.”

And yet-“In a written statement, Treasury Minister Stephen Timms said the decision to close offices had not been easy but that staff and unions had been consulted.”

Who do you believe? Do you care?

Michael Martin has come under enormous pressure in recent days. The Speaker of the House of Commons is deep in the shit, especially over the “Greengate” uproar.

“Mr Martin said he had been told the raid was going to happen, but not that no warrant had been issued.”

Instead of “Order, Order” The cry should be “Resign, Resign”. BBC NEWS


Happiness 'rubs off on others'

That is the result of research in the USA, another waste of money on a load of old bollocks.

“A person was 42% more likely to be happy if a friend who lives less than half a mile away becomes happy - an effect that declined with greater distance.
Study leader Professor Nicholas Christakis said the results suggest clusters of happiness occur because happiness spreads and not just because of a tendency for people to associate with similar individuals.”

So if you know some one who is happy “rub” up against them, you never know, as well as becoming happy you might even get lucky. BBC NEWS

And finally from Auntie-BBC SPORT.

Honda is pulling out of F1, blaming the world economic crisis for plans to sell its team.

Sources told BBC Sport the team were "optimistic" they would continue, but an investor had not yet been found.

Apparently the team is up for sale for £1, the only snag is that you will have to guarantee the £300 Million a year to run it.

Jensen Button and Rubens Barricello, are now without a drive and there are only a couple of mid-ranking seats available.

I wonder who will be next.

Such is life.

Angus