Unloading in Taiwan: Finnish pig in a poke: Cat-nav: Miserable old farts: and a very old hot cross bun.

Amazing amounts of lack of warm, not even a whimsy of atmospheric movement, nary a drop of skywater and Dawn’s crack has buggered orf to somewhere else at the Castle this morn, the elbow is still iffy, but I do have a “tennis elbow clamp” which is about as easy to put on as a posh accent and works as well as the NHS.

 

East to the land of bamboo and stuff

 

A Taiwanese lorry driver makes a delivery.

 

Elfandsafety would have a seizure if they knew......oh shit.....

 

Up to the even colder bit of what is left of Europe

Hotel Finn in the heart of Helsinki is seeking a "professional sleeper" for 35 days to test their rooms and write all about it.

Hotel manager Tio Tikka says he thought up the stunt to help promote the hotel after lengthy renovations.

Tikka said Wednesday that they were looking for a "dynamic person to write a quality blog" about their daily experiences at the basic hotel, which has no bar or restaurant.

Requirements: Fluent Finnish and English, Russian a plus. The job opens May 17 with applications closing end of April.

So far more that 600 would-be hotel sleepers have applied.

So I could stay in the nice warm Castle with food and drink or spend a month and a bit in one room without a menu or libation....hmmm, tough choice.

 

Norf of the border

A cat owner has developed a tracking device which enables owners to map the exact whereabouts of their pet.

Dave Evans created the device, known as the ‘cat-nav’, as he wanted to know where his cat Yollo was travelling to and why he was gaining weight.

He is now marketing the product as G-Paws, and curious pet owners will be able to purchase the gadget for £50.

The device weighs just half an ounce and is attached to the pet’s collar. When the animal returns, owners can download information stored on the device to a website, where they will be able to see exactly what their pet has been up to via a series of Google Earth satellite images.

Evans is now working on developing a social networking site to work with G-Paws. He says it will enable users to see where their pets have been, share photos, videos and other information.

 

Think I would rather stay in ignorance and save the fifty quid.

 

Are you H.A.P.P.Y or not

Apparently low expectations about the future and a gloomy outlook could be the keys to a longer, healthier life, according to a surprising new study published by the American Psychological Association (APA).

In the study, older people, ages 65 to 96, who thought life would get worse had much better health outcomes and lived longer than those who anticipated better days ahead.

The researchers also point out that optimists may look at life through rose-colored glasses and ignore the truth about the health risks associated with aging, while the pessimists have a more realistic view of the threats ahead and thus may be more proactive about taking care of themselves.

For example, seniors who anticipate that their health is likely to decline may get more medical exams, exercise more, lose weight, avoid smoking, or eat a better diet to ward off disease, while those with a “don’t worry, be happy” outlook may not consider it necessary to take steps to protect themselves.

To find out how accurate the participants’ expectations about the future were, the researchers contacted the participants five years after the initial interview. They also tracked rates of death and disability during that time span, with the following results:

43 percent of the oldest group (the pessimists) had underestimated how satisfied they would be

25 percent predicted accurately

32 percent (the optimists) had overestimated their future satisfaction

The more overly optimistic the seniors were about the future, the higher their rates of disability and death were during the study period. Each increase in overestimating future life satisfaction was associated with a 9.5 percent rise in disabilities and 10 percent increased risk of death, the study found.

 

Looking on the bright side:
 

Researchers have linked not being a miserable old fart to these benefits:

Greater resistance to colds and other infections

Lower risk of death from heart disease- Duke researchers tracked 2,800 patients who had been hospitalized for heart disease. Patients were asked to fill out a questionnaire about their feelings about their diagnosis, treatment, and prospects for recovery. Ten years later, 46 percent of those with a bleak outlook had died, compared to 32 percent of those with the positive outlook.

Better emotional health

Superior athletic performance- A study by Martin Seligman found that optimistic sports teams were more successful than those who expected to lose.  

Greater career success- Another Duke study found that MBA students with an upbeat attitude received more job offers and were promoted faster than their gloomier counterparts.

 

So you can be a miserable, poor, knackered old git living to a hundred or a happy, rich, fulfilled old fart who is content with the three score and ten.

 

And finally:

 

On this not too bad Friday

A woman has the world's oldest hot cross bun - baked on Good Friday in 1821 and passed down through five generations.

Nancy Titman, 94, keeps the 192-year-old bun in a box and amazingly it still has a cross on the top and shows no traces of mould.

The fruity bun, which has even retained its smell, was made by Nancy's great, great, great grandfather William Skinner, who owned a bakery in London.

It was made in the same year as Napoleon died, George IV was crowned king, poet John Keats passed away and John Constable painted his famous Hay Wain picture.


"It is rock hard like a fossil and the currants have disintegrated, but it still smells and looks like a hot cross bun, with the cross on the top."

Nancy was given the bun, which has the date March 1821 on the base, by her mum and she plans to hand it down to her own daughter Anthea and her 10-year-old granddaughter Hannah.

"My mum said our ancestors worked in a baker's shop and they believed buns baked on Good Friday didn't go mouldy, which this has proved," added Nancy, from Deeping St James, Lincs.

"It's a relic which has been passed down through our family and we get it out every Good Friday," said Nancy.

 

I get mine out every Good Friday-for all the good it does....

 

That’s it: I’m orf to check out the Ouya

 

And today’s thought:

 

 

Angus

 

One class Post: CHunt and Medics: U-Turn Cam’s gangs U-Turns: An Icedickle: Chicken shit court case: Elfandsafety cancels1066: and a Pillock of a Pussy.

Volumous amounts of atmospheric movement, vast stocks of skywater, vestiges of lack of cold and very little solar activity at the Castle this morn, orf out to find somewhere that actually has any shops left with free parking and covered walkways-I may be gorn some time....

 

According to Ofcom

First class stamps could be a thing of the past, “they” want to axe the two-tier system of first and second-class postage and put an end to next-day mail.

Instead a single stamp would cost 53p with letters taking two days to arrive.

At present a first-class stamp, which should mean post arrives the next day, costs 60p while second-class, which takes up to three days, is 50p.

Ofcom is thinking of making the change after surveying customers.

The poll revealed that six out of 10 users want Royal Mail to drop the two classes of stamp.

Allegedly given a choice, 58 per cent of firms questioned preferred a single two-day service.

Researchers found that the public relies less on post in favour of the internet, email, phone and text.

The number of postal items sent by customers each week has more than halved from an average of 3.5 items to 1.5 items over the past six years. And nearly a quarter of consumers expect to send even less mail in three years' time.

The proposal is subject to a public consultation, which closes on December 18. 

Wouldn’t make a difference, I don’t think I have ever got a letter the next day after posting even with a ‘first class stamp’.

 

All over mistreated Blighty

During the last month of this year the UK's 220,000 doctors will have annual appraisals, with a decision taken every five years on whether they are fit to continue working.

But it will be April 2016 before the vast majority of the first round of checks has been done.

Elf secretary Jeremy CHunt said it was about addressing "deficiencies" in skills and reckons that if doctors failed to satisfy the standards of the General Medical Council (GMC) they would be prevented from practising.

But he said the new system was about identifying where there were "gaps" in knowledge or skills and giving doctors a "chance to put it right".

He said the vast majority of doctors "do a brilliant job" but when the government carried out a survey last year of 300 health bodies, there were "serious concerns" with 0.7% of doctors - a figure Mr Hunt described as "significant".

"At the end of the day if the GMC is not satisfied that someone is up to speed then, yes, they will be prevented from practising," he told BBC Breakfast.  

According to Niall Dickson the top knob at the General Medical Council "This is an historic moment. It is the biggest change in medical regulation for 150 years [since the creation of the GMC]."

He said the system should help improve quality, but he admitted the health industry had been "slow to recognise" the importance of such checks.

The introduction of regular checks - dubbed a medical MOT - has been talked about for more than 30 years.

Serious consideration started being given to the issue in the mid-1990s.

 

 So after thirty years “they” have finally got orf their arses and come up with a scheme which will do bugger all to stop patients being maimed and killed by Piss Poor Medics because:

 

Each NHS organisation from hospitals to local networks of GP practices will have a responsible officer, such as a medical director, in charge of revalidation.

They will assess the annual appraisals along with feedback from patients and colleagues to make a recommendation about revalidation to the GMC every five years.

Minor issues that do not constitute a risk to safety may lead to revalidation being deferred for a short period, but major problems will result in the doctor not having their licence to practise revalidated.

 

Waste of time and money...if your medic tries to kill you forget about the complaints procedure (it doesn’t work) just sue the bugger and refer him/her to the Piss Poor GMC.

 

Back in the day Thatcher the snatcher refused to do a 180

 

But it seems that the Piss Poor Policies Millionaires Club Coalition do not have the same strength of will.

Here is the full list of government u-turns from the Torygraph:

Destruction of buzzard nests, Pasty tax, Caravan tax, Secret justice, Euro veto, Employment law reform, Joint strike fighter, Sentencing, Health reforms, Forest sell-off, State retirement age for women, Anonymity for rape defendants, Personal photographer on public payroll, Free school milk cuts, Bookstart funding, Financial Inclusion Fund, Housing benefit cut for jobless, Immigration pledge, Coastguard cuts, Circus animals ban, World Service cuts, Mobility benefit cut, Youth Justice Board, Chief coroner, Knife crime sentencing, Domestic violence protection orders, Ofsted snap school inspections, Child benefit, Video games tax relief, NHS targets, Plans to recall MPs, Charity Tax, Petrol duty, Assault payouts, West Coast mainline, and Energy tariffs.

 

I make that 36 times that the tossers have changed their minds since they were not elected into power.

 

Makes you proud-doesn’t it?

 

Right a bit to-somewhere

 

A "man" is standing in a garden in just his swimming trunks next to a frozen pool.

Clearly revelling in his moment in front of the camera, the confident showman gets down on one knee as he takes a second to admire his own muscle-bound physique.

After striking a rock star pose followed by a Usian Bolt lightning strike, the German-speaking man then launches himself at full speed towards the frozen pool.

Said Numpty fails to break the ice, landing on the slippery surface with a loud thud.

 

Bet that hurt, at least I hope it did...

 

Right even more to the place that used to be Rhodesia

A Zimbabwean man assaulted his wife and dragged her to a village court last week where she was found guilty of disobeying custom by failing to give him the juiciest pieces of chicken.

Nomusa Sibanda, 24, gave her husband the gizzard, wings and one drumstick and ate the chicken breast and second drumstick herself, according to local newspaper, The Sunday News.

Jabulani Ncube, 40 was incensed and beat up his wife who fled to her grandmother's house.

The next day, he forced her to attend the village court where he complained to the traditional leaders in the Nkayi Communal Land, 100 miles north east of Zimbabwe's second city Bulawayo, that his wife was "uncultured and disrespectful".

He warned that he would seek a divorce if she again failed to give him the drumsticks and breast which in traditional culture are due to the man of the house.

Mrs Sibanda was unrepentant and told the court: "How long shall I slaughter chickens and not taste the back portion?"

 

Till you manage to reach the twenty first century mate....

 

And back in Blighty and dahn to Sussex

 

The Normans and Saxons didn’t manage to re-enact the battle of Hastings in Sussex on Sunday.

English Heritage said the recreation of the famous 1066 battle, held on what is believed to be the original battlefield, could not go ahead because- of  Elfandsafety: 'Although the forecast was for fair weather, unexpected torrential rain over several hours resulted in unacceptably high levels of mud both on the battlefield and on public areas,' a spokesman said.

'For safety reasons, the event cannot go ahead.’

 

Nothing worse than rusty armour....

 

And finally: 

Back over to the right a bit

 

A Pillock of a puss managed to get stuck up a tree, then on a roof and finally ending up in the ventilation system of a block of flats where she had to be freed by firemen.

Fleck, was first spotted by anxious residents hanging from the top of the tree, tenants at the block of flats raised the alarm and called their local fire brigade; however - by the time her rescuers arrived, the cat had managed to scramble onto a nearby rooftop.

When firemen tried to free the pet from the roof they discovered Fleck had vanished and assumed she had made her own way to safety.

But a short while later they were called back again when locals realised the cat had got into the ventilation system of the block of flats, in Essen, Germany.

Fire Brigade spokesman Mike Filzen said: "We could hear her calling and getting deeper and deeper into the building all the time.

"Eventually she seemed to get finally stuck in a bathroom in one of the flats so we resorted to a hammer and chisel to make a hole in the wall, and then used a linen basket to catch her and bring her to safety," he added, speaking to the Austrian Times.

Fleck was then reunited with her owner Katarina Schell, 36, who also agreed to pay a builder to fix the hole in the wall of the bathroom.

 

I do like a pussy with character...

 

That’s it: I’m orf to get the tape measure out.

 

And today’s thought:

It comes to us all-eventually

 

 

Angus

Elfandsafety ‘Erberts: Flying high: Really big crack: Feeling blue in Kentucky: Laird of Glencoe-ish: and Picture perfect.

Cold, clear and sunny at the Castle this morn, just returned from the stale bread, gruel and pussy food run at Tesco, prices are still going up.

All across Blighty

Britain's health and safety watchdog has failed to meet more than half of its own targets for workplace safety.

Some 243 accidents or injuries were recorded in the offices of the Health and Safety Executive (HSE) last year, an increase of 16 per cent on 2009-10.

Nine were serious enough to merit reporting to the HSE’s national database of industrial accidents and diseases.

In all, the organisation fell short on seven out of 11 of its own targets on staff safety, according to an internal audit. They included regularly assessing staff on how they used computer monitors, taking action on risk reports within a month and providing “defensive driver training” to staff travelling long distances by car.

Critics say its inability to meet its own rules is indicative of the burden placed on employers by safety red tape.

 

Or it may be that those who want to work for Elfandsafety are Numptys....

  

In the posh County north of ‘Ampshire

An Oxfordshire flying club is building a new squadron of 12 Spitfires; Work has already started on one of the Supermarine Mk 26B Spitfires at Enstone Flying Club, near Chipping Norton.

When completed, each aircraft will weigh 810kg (1,782lb) and will be a 90% scale version of an original three-tonne Spitfire.

Manager of the project, Paul Fowler, 50, said the aim was to "keep the Spitfire legend alive forever".

Twenty volunteers are constructing the first Spitfire, but more volunteers are needed to build the following 11.

Spiffing, but shouldn’t they have gorn the other ten per cent....

  

Darn Sarf as far as you can go

The folks at NASA have rigged up a virtual fly through of a really big crack in Antarctica's Pine Island Glacier.

Using data gathered by NASA's Operation IceBridge science flight team, the agency generated an animated fly through over.

Glad my crack isn’t that big, but I suppose it is easier than flying to Mars.....

Up many, many miles and left more than a whimsy

Apparently For more than two centuries, the Fugate family has lived near Troublesome Creek in eastern Kentucky. Many of them, in the past, were blue.

As a result of inbreeding, the combination of a recessive trait caused them to be born with methemoglobinemia, a rare genetic disorder that turns the skin blue.  

Ooerrr...

North of the border to the land that may not be with us much longer

A company selling the title of “Laird of Glencoe” for just £29.99 to buyers keen for their own piece of Scottish ancestry has been accused of “making a mockery” of the nation’s heritage and “exploiting” one of Scotland’s greatest natural treasures.

Highland Titles, based in the Channel Islands, offers plots of land measuring a square foot on a 750-acre area known as the Keil estate, and tells buyers that owning the land allows them to adopt the title Laird, Lord or Lady of Glencoe.

Unfortunately it seems that the titles are meaningless and that the land itself is nowhere near the famous glen. The Keil estate is 16 miles west of Glencoe on a spit of land that juts into Loch Linnhe.

Thousands of people across the world have purchased the title since the firm, based in the tiny Channel Island of Alderney, bought the land in 2007. It comes along with a Master Title Deed and some celebrities – including Nelson Mandela, Kate Moss, Philip Schofield, Ozzy Osbourne and Liz Hurley – have been gifted the title, or that of the Laird, Lord or Lady of Lochaber, which the company also sells.

So it’s really laird of a very small piece of land somewhere nearish to Glencoe-ish...

And finally:

Something for us Piss Poor Photographers

Swedish imaging firm Scalado have just revealed their 'remove' technology which can be used to delete unwanted objects and people who entered the frame.

The tech -- which is set to be shown off at Mobile World Congress -- takes a series of photos as people move around and then allows you to delete them with the composite photo filling in the missing background.

A spokesperson for Scalado said: "When capturing photos in a busy area, like a public square or a concert for example, it is often difficult to get a clean shot without unwanted objects entering the frame.

"Now you can capture the shot anyway, and simply let the camera remove the people for you!"

I want one....

That’s it: I’m orf to save a language

And today’s thought:

Angus

One million scroungers: Fornicating Harry: Elfandsafety Numpty: Sack a Santa: Dead loss in Spain: Pasty penny: and exploding toilets.

The usual meteorology at the Castle this morn-damp, dark, drear and a bit depressing, the study is filling up with suicidal thingamys and his (no nuts) Maj is busy chasing anything that moves-and doesn’t move around the garden.

James over at Nourishing Obscurity left an interesting comment on yesterday's post, "U-Turn Cam has said increasing UK contributions to the International Monetary Fund "does not put Britain's taxpayers' money at risk".

He assumes, quite rightly as it turns out, that people are thick as a brick, don't read and don't remember.

So he can get away with saying these things.

I agree 100%, what is the matter with us? Why are we willing to put up with a useless bunch of wankers in Parliament that are only interested in feathering their own nests at our expense?

Apparently almost one million people will be stripped of their incapacity benefit payments and forced to look for jobs under major reforms to the welfare system over the next three years, research has found.

The Coalition’s tougher rules on who can claim incapacity allowances will be felt most strongly in Labour’s heartlands of the north of England, Scotland and Wales, according to the study, which criticised the plan.

The report from Sheffield Hallam University, in the Deputy Prime Minister Nick Clegg’s constituency, warned that that “vast numbers” of people will be impoverished and left in distress as a result of the reforms.

Over the next three years, major changes are being introduced to incapacity benefit, including a tougher medical test for claimants, the re-testing of existing recipients of payments, and a limit on the length of time individuals are entitled to non-means tested benefits.

Disabled groups and charities have claimed the new tests are stigmatising the disabled and mentally-ill as “scroungers” in order to save money from the welfare bill.

Ministers insist that the reforms are not an attempt to stop “scroungers” but will help more people currently deemed unable to work find jobs.

No comment...

 

Over the big, wet, salty thing on the left

The mayor of a US town where Prince Harry is staying during helicopter training has warned him to be on his best behaviour with its young women.

Harry has been moved to Gila Bend, in the Arizona desert, for the last stage of a weapons course he has been undergoing in the United States.

Ron Henry, mayor of the 1,700-strong town, has put the fun-loving royal on notice that dalliances with the town's daughters are unlikely to go down well among the staunchly-Christian community.

Mr Henry, 64, told the Daily Mail: "There are probably some fathers here who would go to extremes to protect their daughters.

"Some of the dads won't take too kindly to a Prince fornicating the night away."

 

Time will tell-in about nine months when a plethora of red headed babies wearing Nazi uniforms arrive on the scene,

 

Back in the Northern-ish bit of Blighty

Paul Cavanagh’s attempt to teach a group of employees how to use a ladder got off to bad start when he climbed up without his hard hat.

One of the group threw him the headgear as he stood on the ladder, which was leaning against a semi-detached house.

Mr Cavanagh, who was tethered to the ladder, took his hands off several times before his already shambolic demonstration took a turn for the worse.

He slipped around the ladder, which crashed sideways over a fence and into a neighbouring garden – with Mr Cavanagh still tied to it.

As he lay sprawled, one worker – who posted the footage on YouTube – said: ‘That proves the system doesn’t work.’

Mr Cavanagh has been suspended from his job at Morrison Facilities Services, which works on behalf of the Gateshead Housing Co to manage properties for the local council.

Chris Morgan, the company’s safety boss, said: ‘We are dismayed by this isolated event.

Ah, the old Elfandsafety “one orf” ploy.....

Back over to the land of the broke and the home of austerity

Faced with the difficult task of balancing a budget in austere times, officials in New York's Suffolk County said on Friday they had no choice: they had to sack Santa Claus.

The county executive said he could not justify carving out $660 from his $2.7 billion budget to pay David McKell, 83, a World War II veteran and former homicide detective, to don his Santa suit for the tenth year running and greet children on Long Island.

He said that some 750 county employees were facing layoffs as a result of budget restraints, including what he described as a $20 million cut in state aid to the county's health system.

"Let either the private sector come forward with a donation, or, better yet, let's tap the volunteers in the community," he said.

Levy was quickly called a Grinch by his opponents.

Nah; he’s not a Grinch, just another politician who cannot see that saving just a few bucks will cause misery to hundreds.

East more than a lot to the land of Euro snakes

A Spanish cemetery has begun placing stickers on thousands of burial sites whose leases are up as a warning to relatives or caretakers to pay up or face possible eviction.

Jose Abadia, deputy urban planning manager for northern Zaragoza city, said Monday the city's Torrero municipal graveyard had removed remains from some 420 crypts in recent months and removed them to a common burial ground.

Torrero, like many Spanish cemeteries, no longer allows people to buy grave sites. It instead leases them out for periods of five or 49 years.

Abadia said the cases involved graves whose leases had not been renewed for 15 years or more. He said Torrero currently had some 7,000 burial sites with lapsed leases out of a total of some 114,000.

He said leases generally lapsed because the relatives or caretakers had died or had moved house and failed to renew the contract. He said in other cases, with the passing of year’s family descendants sometimes no longer wanted to pay for further leases.

Maybe they could be buried in the land that the "authorities" have grabbed from people who have had their houses demolished...

West about as far as you can go in Blighty

Ian Jones, chief executive of Volunteer Cornwall says the county - where the Prince of Wales owns tens of thousands of acres as head of the Duchy of Cornwall - should adopt its own currency.

He said Cornwall should consider "radical ideas" to protect itself in the economic downturn.

The Cornwall currency could be modelled on local money schemes such as the Totnes and Lewes pounds which were created by the Transition Network movement, he said.

Several Cornish mining areas in the 19th century set up their own banks and issued their own banknotes.

In 1974 banknotes were issued by pressure group the Cornish Stannary Parliament partly "to raise money to aid it in the restitution of Cornwall's legal right to partially govern itself".

Wonder what the ooaar/sterling exchange rate will be?

And finally:

Back over to the left

Exploding toilets injured two workers at a federal building in Washington D.C because of a plumbing malfunction that blasted out tiny shards of porcelain.

A woman from the General Services Administration (GSA) building was taken to a hospital with serious cuts to her leg from 'flying debris' caused by the toilet blast.

Another loo exploded within minutes of the first, injuring another employee using the bathroom at the same time.

Chuck White, vice-president of Technical and Code Services for the Plumbing-Heating-Cooling Contractors Association, said that while he's never seen an exploding toilet himself, it is something you read about in plumbing textbooks.

'If you're not careful about how you release pressure, the contents of that bowl will come up like old faithful,' White told the Huffington Post. 'Plus, you would have the surprise factors,' he added.

The explosion was because of a control system malfunction that caused a rise in pressure in the water storage tank, GSA spokesman William Marshall said. This in turn caused the plumbing system to 'malfunction' when flushed.

The 2,500 federal employees in the eight-storey building were sent a memo declaring bathrooms off-limits because the plumbing had malfunctioned and the situation was dangerous.

I have a lot of back pressure but have never exploded....

That’s it: I’m orf to cancel my holiday in Italy. 

And today’s thought: How do men sort their laundry? "Filthy" and "Filthy but Wearable"

Angus

Fox hole: Oil be empty: Doped goats: Crap mobiles: Cat in a van: and Sky high sack.

 Clear, calm and very, very cold at the Castle this morn, his Maj is curled up on my lap instead of tearing around the garden and the study is still half full of expiring do-dads.

 

And talking of things computerised

I see that India's recently launched Aakash is the world's cheapest touch-screen tablet computer - with an off-the-shelf price of about $60. 

You gets what you pays for

And Mr/Dr/the right hon. Liam Fox has finally done the decent thing and buggered orf,

Allegedly the Defence Secretary had personally asked a City financier to bankroll his unofficial adviser.

Foxy Liam announced that he was resigning after detailed disclosures showed Mr Werritty’s activities were funded by companies and individuals that potentially stood to benefit from Government decisions.

Within an hour of Dr Fox stepping down, the venture capitalist Jon Moulton, who provided money for Mr Werritty, said the Defence Secretary had asked him to give cash to his friend’s firm. It is understood that an investigation into Dr Fox’s dealings with Mr Werritty by Sir Gus O’Donnell, the Cabinet Secretary, had concluded that his position was untenable.

Better late than never, but I look forward to seeing Sir/Dr Liam Fox in the Lords next year.....

According to “experts”

The end of oil is coming sooner than governments and oil companies are prepared to admit.

The assessment, based on officially reported figures, has once again pushed back the estimate of when the world will run dry.

However, scientists led by the London-based Oil Depletion Analysis Centre, say that global production of oil is set to peak in the next four years before entering a steepening decline which will have massive consequences for the world economy and the way that we live our lives.

According to "peak oil" theory our consumption of oil will catch, then outstrip our discovery of new reserves and we will begin to deplete known reserves.

BP's Statistical Review of World Energy, published yesterday, appears to show that the world still has enough "proven" reserves to provide 40 years of consumption at current rates.

Well; oil be buggered.......

Over in the land of the Capra hircus and the home of dope tests

Colorado officials have disqualified the grand champion goat from this year's State Fair because they say it tested positive for an unapproved drug.

The Pueblo Chieftain reported Friday (http://bit.ly/r2l4oQ) that a second goat entered by another child from the same family also was disqualified for the same drug.

Susan Weinroth of Sedalia says the family got a letter from the attorney general's office saying her family's goats tested positive for a feed additive approved for swine but not goats.

She suspects the food may have been tampered with and says the family reported their suspicions to officials. She says the family will appeal.

Disqualification means her daughter and son can't collect their earnings from the sale of the goats, $5,500 for the champion and $1,300 for the other.

Dopey pair.....

Back in Blighty

One in six cell phones in Britain may be contaminated with faecal matter that can spread E. coli, likely because so many people don't wash their hands properly after using the toilet, a new study contends.

The findings also suggest that many people lie about their hygiene habits, according to the researchers at the London School of Hygiene & Tropical Medicine and Queen Mary, University of London.

The study authors went to 12 cities and collected 390 samples from the cell phones and hands of volunteers, who were also asked about their hand-washing habits.

Ninety-five percent of the participants told the researchers that they washed their hands with soap and water where possible. However, lab tests revealed that 92 percent of phones and 82 percent of hands had bacteria on them. The researchers also found that 16 percent of hands and 16 percent of cell phones harboured E. coli bacteria, which is found in faeces and can cause serious illness.

The study was released to coincide with Global Handwashing Day on Oct. 15.

Moral- never borrow someone else’s Mobile....

Back in the States

A mechanic was the one doing the surgery at an Ohio animal facility when a woman drove in with a cat stuck behind her minivan's dashboard.

WBNS-TV reports the mechanic had to take apart the dash during a three-hour rescue operation Thursday in the Columbus suburb of Hilliard.

Driver Nehal Dhruve says she hit the cat with her van and decided to take it to the local humane society. The brown and black cat wouldn't stay on the van's seat but instead hopped down and climbed up under the dashboard.

Mechanic Daryl McKay cut his hands trying to free the feline, so an animal control staffer with smaller hands took over and pulled it out.

Dhruve says she now wants to adopt the cat.

After it has paid for the work.......

And finally: 

Back in Blighty

Construction workers who recreated a classic photo by posing on a girder 800ft above London may be fired for their stunt, the photographer claims.

Mick Crompton persuaded 11 of his friends to pose on the 48th floor of the Heron Tower with newspapers, doughnuts and a can of cider.

He hoped to recreate the famous 1930s image of steel workers on a lunch break as they built the RCA Building at New York's Rockefeller Centre.

But bosses are said to have taken exception to the 61-year-old's artistic efforts and have now warned the 'models' they could face disciplinary action.

It is claimed the workers breached health and safety rules by sitting sideways on the beam rather than straddling it.

Ah; the old Elfandsafety straddling ploy.....

That’s it: I’m orf to stock up on Nanotubes.

And today’s thought: If everything is relative . . . what is everything else?

Angus

Piss “Poor” Policy: Le Train: Pitt Police: Tilting time: Light of the Elfandsafety: and Oh Yeti is.

Dark, dismal, damp and dingy at the Castle this morn, the study is empty of all things broken and bollixed, his Maj is chasing things in the garden, the Honda has reached 162 miles on twenty squids worth of go juice and my lovely young lady arrived yestermorn to trim my locks.

According to the Institute of Fiscal Studies

The number of children living in poverty in Britain will rise by 600,000 to 2.8 million by 2012-13.

The introduction of the irritable bowel twins universal credit will lift 450,000 children out of poverty but, the IFS says other benefit changes – such as linking payment increases to consumer prices – will offset this. It projects that by the end of the decade, 23 per cent of children will be in absolute poverty and 24 per cent in relative poverty.

That would mean the legally binding targets set under the 2010 Child Poverty Act being comprehensively missed. The 2010 Child Poverty Act set a target for absolute poverty to fall to 5 per cent of children and relative poverty to fall 10 per cent by 2020.

The Department for Work and Pensions says the IFS did not take into consideration the beneficial impact on poverty levels that it expects to result from improving the incentives for parents to work.

Which means that if the IFS are right 23 percent of families in Blighty will be “living” in poverty?

 And allegedly:

British taxpayers are spending up to £400,000 a year to help maintain French trains in the aftermath of a failed European transport project.

The aborted rail scheme cost British taxpayers more than £180million but the Department for Transport continues to fund the failure.

It spent “between £300,000 and £400,000 last year” on mothballed facilities for the aborted Regional Eurostar project that would have provided a direct link between cities such as Manchester and Glasgow to Paris.

Seven trains were built for the Regional Eurostar but they were passed to the French train operator SNCF because its high-speed link between Paris and Lille was short of carriages.

A depot in Manchester to maintain the trains is still the responsibility of London & Continental Railways, a firm which is wholly owned by the DfT. 

Here’s an idea-I have heard that there is a tunnel under the channel, why not take the trains to the French owners and let them pay.

Over in the land of wheat and wine

Hungarian police announced Monday they had seized a shipment of weapons stored in a warehouse near Budapest airport, only for a film producer to reveal they were props for a new Brad Pitt movie.

Police told a press conference they had found and confiscated the arsenal -- which included machine guns, hand guns and sniper guns but no ammunition -- at a customs-free area near the airport during a raid at dawn on Monday.

"The military guns arrived from London on Saturday at Liszt Ferenc International Airport," Janos Hajdu, director of the police's Counterterrorism Centre, was cited by Hungarian newswire MTI, adding that the aircraft transporting the weapons left the airport right after unloading.

The Hungarian police had contacted its counterparts in Britain for more information, he also said.

As it turns out, the weapons were actually meant as props for a new zombie movie featuring Hollywood star Brad Pitt, "World War Z”.

Shooting in Hungary for the film was to begin Monday evening in an industrial district of Budapest, according to RTL Klub.

 

Firing blanks?

Back in Blighty

It seems that Big Ben has gorn all Italian

St Stephen’s tower is a bit wonky, and is on the lean to such an extent that the tilt can now be clocked with the naked eye, according to a report commissioned by London Underground and the Parliamentary Estates Department.

“The tilt is now just about visible. You can see it if you stand on Parliament Square and look east, towards the river. I have heard tourists there taking photographs saying ‘I don’t think it is quite vertical’ - and they are quite right,” emeritus professor and senior research investigator at Imperial College, London, John Burland, told the Sunday Telegraph.

The level of the tilt has accelerated since 2003, increasing to 0.9 mm a year, compared to the long-term average rate of 0.65 mm a year, the report revealed.

These levels are not considered to be unsafe.

The tilt has resulted in the formation of cracks in the walls and ceilings of parts of the House of Commons, including the Minister’s Wing.

Maybe it’s the entrance to the underworld opening up for the residents.

Up North

A church is refusing to change a light bulb because it says overzealous health and safety rules mean it would cost £500 to change the £2 fixture.

Health and safety rules mean scaffolding is required whenever a bulb needs replacing in the 30ft internal roof at St Mary's Church in Cottingham, Humberside. The church says the rules mean they cannot simply use ladders to change the bulb.

He added: "Health and safety concerns also rule out candlelight as an alternative for the grade one listed building.

But there may soon be light at the end of the tunnel for St Mary's. The village church is now looking at installing an LED (light-emitting diode) lighting system. LEDs have a longer lifetime so the lights would not have to be so frequently replaced."

Not replacing bulbs would save the church valuable funds at a time when costs are high. The church has had £30,000 of roof lead stolen in five raids in the past three years, including the latest theft in August.

Father Smith said stolen lead is being replaced with stainless steel in a bid to deter the thieves. Villagers have rallied round to help with fundraising, with the church's recent annual Gift Day raising about £6,000.

 

Ah, the old Elfandsafety scaffold ploy....

And finally: 

Over to the right a fair way

Yesterday a Russian region in Siberia confidently proclaimed that its mountains are home to yetis after finding "indisputable proof" of the existence of the hairy beasts in an expedition.

The local administration of the Kemerovo region in the south of Siberia said in a statement on its website that footprints and possibly even hair samples belonging to the yeti were found on the research trip to its remote mountains.

Apparently they found its footprints, its supposed bed, and various markers with which the yeti marks his territory, the statement said. The collected "artefacts" will be analysed in a special laboratory.

Probably Premier league footballers in hiding......

That’s it: I’m orf to check out the moat-just in case. 

And today’s thought: Expecting the world to treat you fairly because you are good is like expecting the bull not to charge because you are a vegetarian.

 Angus