Oh to be in Blighty

OK I’m back-maybe; more than enough solar stuff, not enough lack of cold, just enough atmospheric movement and not even a watering can full of skywater at the Castle this morn, the last week or two have been “interesting”-ish, rested the elbow a lot, still managed to mow the moss (with a bit of grass in it), bordered the borders, hedged the hedges, visited most of the friends I have that are still alive, went to some nice places, cleaned the nu-Honda, sorted out the cupboards and fixed the leak in the shed roof.

 

This time of year is a bit dodgy for me, “M”s birthday four days ago, my old Mums in two days and my Dads five days after that which may explain my apathy, laziness, indifference, sloth or lassitude regarding the blog, visiting, commenting etc or it might be that I just couldn’t be bovvered or that I had nothing to say.

 

Anyway; after lying in the garden for the last few days soaking up the vitamin “D” and turning a nice shade of Bliar I decided to sweep the dust orf the laptop and put digit to keyboard, one thing I have noticed is that the hit rate (around a thousand a day) hasn’t changed much since I stopped blogging-maybe there is a lesson to be learnt there.

 

 

There is the usual bollocks on the box, Auntie is still only “reporting” one story each day-today it is the “Local Elections” which I didn’t bovver to take part in mainly because I can no longer tell the difference between the combatants, but it appears that old Niggle Garage’s lot seem to have soaked up most of the “protest” vote, the other load of twats are still arrogant enough to brush it orf as “mid-term blues” and “let’s wait and see what happens in the general election”.

 

Meanwhile back in the real world; the gas and leccy mob have put up my charges by 50% plus, the water thieves are still taking twice what I should be paying, the interweb provider has bumped up the “line rental” by over ten percent and I won’t even mention the price rises dahn Tesco.

 

So all in all not a lot has changed in the last fourteen days apart from getting more expensive, the Gov is still fucking about with All and Sundry, and I have to wait until next Wednesday to get the results of the x-rays and other “tests” before I know whether the elbow is treatable or the organic mechanics are going to get involved.

So there we are; the status quo is still in force, the country is still buggered, the Millionaires Club Coalition still can’t find their rear exits with a colonoscope, the economy is still verging on the ridiculous and I still don’t give stuff.

 

But on the bright side the garden is finally coming to life-there are oodles of those blue flowers-you know-oh yeah-forget me nots, the Brucie hedge has bloomed, the bluebells are on the rise, the azaleas are about to burst into blossom, the mock orange is almost mocking and the roses are shooting up faster than unemployment.

 

That’s it: I’m orf to get the sun longer out of the dry shed.

 

And today’s thought:

That’s the last time I sunbathe in the nude.

 

 

Angus

 

HONEST!

A New Mexico woman with a penchent for bunnies has run foul of the law after her pets started multiplying like…. well rabbits.

Nancy Haseman was cited under an ordinance that allows five pets per household after an animal control officer found 334 bunnies hopping around in her yard, Rio Rancho police said.

An officer spotted the animals last month after a neighbour complained about rabbits eating her garden.

She said they kept the males separate from the females, but the males hopped the fence and things got "out of control".

Half of the 344/ 388/ 412 floppy eared little bonkers have been found homes.


Nice with dumplings in a stew.



Thought for the Day at Leicester Railway Station, John Palmer, 56, gives passengers a short fact, pearl of wisdom, or piece of nonsense once a day in an attempt to make their trips from Leicester that little more fun.

He delivers his sayings in the same deadpan tone he uses to tell travellers about the "arrival at platform six of the 14.35 from Melton Mowbray".

On Wednesday he will remind passengers that the Battle of Bannockburn in the Scottish Wars of Independence was fought on this day in 1314.

Today he asked: "Why is there only one Monopolies Commission?" while last week he reminded passengers: "When in Rome, a street map of Cape Town isn't much use."



Here’s a thought for the day; GET THE TRAINS TO RUN ON TIME!




What's this ear then Research shows that people prefer to be addressed in their right ear as they will find it easier to process the information and are therefore more likely to perform a task.

Known as the "right ear advantage", scientists believe it is because information received through the right ear is processed by the left hand side of the brain which is more logical and better at deciphering verbal information than the right side of the brain.

The team led by Dr Luca Tommasi and Daniele Marzoli from the University of Chieti in central Italy, observed behaviour of hundreds of people in three nightclubs across the city.

They intentionally addressed 176 people in either their right or their left ear when asking for a cigarette. They obtained significantly more cigarettes when they made their request in a person's right ear compared with their left.

The authors' results confirm a "right ear advantage" for verbal communication and the increased willingness to carry out a request when it is asked into the right ear.


So obviously MPs are all deaf in the right ear.




You just can't win Scientists have discovered that sunbathing could help older people reduce the risk of developing heart disease and diabetes.

People aged between 50 and 70 are more likely to suffer from a vitamin D deficiency- due to the natural ageing process.

And a lack vitamin D can cause a number of metabolic disorders that increase the risk of developing cardiovascular disease and diabetes.

But researchers at The University of Warwick have discovered the more time spent in the sun, the more easily the body is able to produce the vital vitamin.

Dr Oscar Franco at Warwick Medical School, who led the investigation said: "As we get older our skin is less efficient at forming vitamin D

"As well as this, our diet may also become less varied, with a lower natural vitamin D content.
"Most importantly the production of vitamin D after a normal amount of exposure to UVB light decreases with age because of skin changes.

"When we are older we may need to spend more time outdoors to make sure we get the same levels of vitamin D we had when we were younger."

Dr Franco added: "Vitamin D deficiency is becoming a condition that is becoming a huge problem across the globe.

"We recommend that older people spend between 5 and 30 minutes, twice a week in the sun to have the desired effect.

"The impact of sunlight is still the same if people use a sunscreen which is factor 8 or less- so people can still look after their skin.



Sadly, with the economy in ruins “older people” don’t have the time to sunbathe; they are too busy working because their expected pensions have disappeared.



And finally:



MPs' expenses jokes:

MPs are replacing the Speaker in the House of Commons.
No doubt they’ll be changing all the rest of their electrical equipment before the end of the financial year.

Why did the MP cross the road?
So he could claim a second homes allowance

An MP complained that his ducks didn’t really like the floating island bought for them. Once it was paid for they moved down the riverbank and spent thousands of pounds doing up their designated second nest site.

What’s the difference between Parliament and a catering service?
One books the cooks …

How did the MPs conceal their embarrassing claims?
They re-duck-ted them

Gordon Brown announced that no MP's will be able to claim furniture expenses from now on.
It was a cabinet decision

What's the difference between an MP and an acrobat?
An MP can make a lot more from flipping.

Why did the MP bang his head?
Because he'd blacked out all the lightbulbs he bought on expenses


Pardon me if I don’t laugh.



Angus


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