The Grain train: Academic Twats: Toilet hostages: Three arses and an ass: Naked in the snow: Burning Brunost: and la puanteur françaises.

Lots of lack of warm, much less atmospheric movement, loads of frozen skywater and limitless amounts of lack of solar stuff at the Castle this morn, didn’t post yestermorn because of a “medical emergency”: his Maj decided to test out Newton’s law of plummeting fruit and fell out of the master bedroom window, he landed OK but smashed his face on a stone pot on the way dahn-blood, snot and drool in bucket loads.

Worried that he might have broken his jaw I got him dahn the Vets for a check up, and apart from a bloody nose and a “painkiller jab” he survived, and after giving the nice man £36 we went home and spent the day sleeping on the four-poster. 

This morn he is eating, doing his business and chasing invisible things around the garden, and apart from a slight limp from the jab is just about back to his “normal” self.

 

And Lovely Blogger has finally sorted out the IE picture upload thingy.

 

Just watched shit for brains “Dave” on Auntie

As he rambled on about Gord knows what with a bit about the EU and the next election, problem is I phased out after about three minutes and went to make a cup of coffee.

Anyone know what he actually said-or meant?

 

Apparently the reason that stale bread costs £1.45 a loaf dahn Tesco

Is that five multinational company’s control 90 per cent of the world’s grain trade, charities called for fresh action to crack down on tax avoidance by global corporations, claiming that the lives of 230 young children could be saved every day if firms paid their proper dues in the nations where they operated.

The new campaign challenges U-Turn Cam to take the lead in championing measures to stop tax-dodging by companies, prevent farmers from being forced off their land and ensure western nations live up to their promises on aid.

More than 100 charities and faith groups led by Oxfam have formed the largest coalition of its kind since the Make Poverty History campaign eight years ago. They are being backed by the billionaire philanthropist Bill Gates and civil rights activist Archbishop Desmond Tutu.

Allegedly five multinationals – ADM, Bunge, Cargill, Glencore and Louis Dreyfus – control all but ten per cent of the world’s grain supplies.

 

Bastards.....

 

All over leafy lane Blighty

Leading ‘academics’ have told Patrick McLoughlin, the Transport Secretary that pay as you drive road charging should be introduced to tackle congestion and cut carbon emissions.

In an open letter they warned that ploughing more money into Britain’s road network will only generate more traffic.

Signed by 32 leading transport academics including Prof. David Banister of Oxford University and Prof. Peter Mackie of Leeds, the letter called for a radical rethink of strategy by Whitehall.

 

Here we go again, a load of tossers that exist in their ivory towers in a city that hates motors think they know how to save the world by pricing motorist’s orf the road.

There are many solutions, one of which is to charge “normal” road tax for the first car registered at an address, charge double for the second car, triple for the third and so on, this would make people think twice about stocking up on transport and may even reduce the piss poor parking problems we all suffer from both at home and out and about.

 

East to the land of most things

 

Hundreds of Chinese factory workers angry about strictly timed bathroom breaks and fines for starting work late held their Japanese and Chinese manager’s hostage for a day and a half before police broke up the strike.

About 1,000 workers at Shanghai Shinmei Electric Company held the 10 Japanese nationals and eight Chinese managers inside the factory in Shanghai starting Friday morning until 11.50 p.m. Saturday, said a statement from the parent company, Shinmei Electric Co., released Monday.

It said the managers were released uninjured after 300 police officers were called to the factory.

A security guard at the Shanghai plant said Tuesday that workers had gone on strike to protest the company's issuing of new work rules, including time limits on bathroom breaks and fines for being late.

"The workers demanded the scrapping of the ridiculously strict requirements stipulating that workers only have two minutes to go to the toilet and workers will be fined 50 Yuan ($8) if they are late once and fired if they are late twice," said the security guard, surnamed Feng.

 

Good for them, especially the more mature workers as it can sometimes take more than two minutes just to “get going” when one is an old fart...

 

West to the land of white powdery stuff

Three thieves who tried to burgle a shop had to abandon the raid - when their getaway donkey made too much noise.

The trio had to ditch their ill-gotten gains in the early hours break-in in Colombia after the donkey started braying and alerted police.

The group had stolen rum, oil, rice, cans of tuna and sardines from a shop in the tiny town of Juan de Acosta, reports Noticias Caracol.

They planned to load the goods onto ten-year-old donkey Xavi, which they had stolen earlier, and make their escape.

But it let out a series of 'hee-haws' and the trio decided to ditch the animal, which was still carrying the stolen items, and make good their escape.

Shop owner Fabio Orozco said: "They came through the roof to rob. They took rum, rice, everything."

The donkey was detained in the town police station for 12 hours until owner Orlando Olivares was notified and came to collect him.

 

Better than a burglar alarm, and it mows the lawn as well....

 

All over white fluffy stuff Blighty

A new craze has emerged-getting naked in the snow, it all started when care worker Leanne Myers, 40, stripped to her undies to pose for a picture playing guitar in the snow with 25-year-old neighbour Danielle Smith.

In a bid to cheer up workmates Leanne posted the picture on a Facebook page she set up called “Wiltshire, let’s get naked in the snow!”

She also invited friends to strip off for their own goose-bump photos in the snow - and 250 people have taken up the challenge in just three days.

Leanne, from Durrington, Wilts, said yesterday: “It is totally amazing, I really had no idea it would take off like this.

“People have really embraced it, and a lot of the pictures are of friends of friends, but now there’s some coming in from people I don’t know.

“I’ve had interest from Abu Dhabi and America and people messaging me saying ‘we’re not in Wiltshire, can we send in a pic?’

“They are welcome from anywhere, as long as they are kept tasteful.”

 

Bugger, knew there would be a snag...

 

Right a bit to one of the upper countries

A truckload of burning cheese has closed a road tunnel in Arctic Norway for the last six days.

Some 27 metric tons of flaming brown cheese (Brunost), a Norwegian delicacy, blocked off a three-km (1.9 mile) tunnel near the northern coastal town of Narvik when it caught fire last Thursday. The fire was finally put out on Monday.

"This high concentration of fat and sugar is almost like petrol if it gets hot enough," said Viggo Berg, a policeman.

Brown cheese is made from whey, contains up to 30 percent fat and has a caramel taste.

"I didn't know that brown cheese burns so well," said Kjell Bjoern Vinje at the Norwegian Public Roads Administration.

He added that in his 15 years in the administration, this was the first time cheese had caught fire on Norwegian roads.

 

That looks something like my toilet deposit this morn, mind you if a bakers van crashed into it they could have Norwegian rarebit....

 

And finally:

 

From across the British Sea

A stinking cloud of gas has been hanging over large areas of England after a leak at a French chemical plant, sparking thousands of calls to emergency services.

The sulphurous stench - likened to rotten eggs - is said by officials to be completely harmless.

But police in Kent, Sussex and Surrey began to receive floods of calls from concerned residents on Tuesday morning - and by afternoon there were reports of the unwelcome whiff in Oxfordshire and as far north as Northampton.

The gas, called mercaptan, was accidentally leaked from a factory in the northern city of Rouen and before long had drifted over the English Channel.

It is sometimes added to natural gas to alert people to gas leaks

The National Grid, which would normally deal with up to 10,000 calls countrywide in a day, had received an "unprecedented" 100,000 calls by 2pm.

The stench was reported as far north as Northamptonshire

Sussex Police said: "The smell is from an additive to the gas which has an unpleasant aroma but is not toxic and there is no danger to the public."

The Health Protection Agency (HPA) said the gas had diluted since entering the air over England, and, although it may cause some people to feel slightly sick, it will dispel naturally.

 

I blame the French obsession with garlic...

 

That’s it: I’m orf to get some privacy visors

 

And today’s thought:

Orf the menu

 

Angus

Broken chips: Paper power: Groin ball: Watching paint dry: Pandabare: and Simple French.

Moist and muggy at the Castle this morn, just got back from Tesco on the stale bread, gruel and pussy food run-the place was absolutely heaving (before seven of the am) with lunatics grabbing everything in sight and filling up two or three trolleys, and they will be open again just after Crimbo. 

As our beloved Piss Poor Policies Millionaires Club Coalition is on its Crimbo hols there is no one to take the piss out of so a truncated post this ‘two sleeps’ to go morn.

So a bit of science to start with. 

 “Scientists” across the pond have come up with ‘self healing chips’

Electronic that is not the starchy kind; they have created a circuit that heals itself when cracked thanks to the release of liquid metal which restores conductivity.

The process takes less than the blink of an eye to bring the circuit back to use.

The researchers said that their work could eventually lead to longer-lasting gadgets as well as solving one of the big problems of interplanetary travel.

The work was carried out by a team of scientists and engineers at the University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign and is published in the journal Advanced Materials.

I hope they solder on with it..... 

And:

Over to the East more than a whimsy

Sony has unveiled a paper-powered battery prototype in Japan.

The technology generates electricity by turning shredded paper into sugar which in turn is used as fuel.

If brought to market, the innovation could allow the public to top up the power of their mobile devices using waste material.

The Japanese electronics giant showed off its invention at the Eco-Products exhibition in Tokyo last week.

Employees invited children to drop piece of paper and cardboard into a liquid made up of water and enzymes, and then to shake it. The equipment was connected to a small fan which began spinning a few minutes later.

The process works by using the enzyme cellulase to decompose the materials into glucose sugar. These were then combined with oxygen and further enzymes which turned the material into electrons and hydrogen ions.

The electrons were used by the battery to generate electricity, water and the acid gluconolactone, which is commonly used in cosmetics, were created as by-products.

Finally found a use for all the junk mail that vomits through the portcullis.

Still in the land of surprise attacks

Groin Ball is a game that supposedly originated in Japan, is played by men, and obviously involves the hitting of man veg.

Two teams involved in a game of Groin Ball each consist of two players – a ball thrower and a target player. The target players of each team face each other, holding on to the other’s shoulders. Their feet need to be shoulder-width apart, all through the game. A supply of tennis balls is provided to each of the throwers, who have to hurl them between the legs of the target players, aiming of course, at the groin. The balls hit the ground and then bounce up to smash into the groin of the opposing target player.

Sounds like a load of old bollocks to me……

And back in ballsed up Blighty

The excitement is growing for the wondrous event to take place next year, no not the overpriced Olympics but the first ever World Watching Paint Dry Championships:

A spokesman for the organisers LocalTraders.com said: 'We’ve all heard the phrase, "I’d rather watch paint dry" and so we have decided the time has come to give people the chance to do so, for as long as they can bear.

'You don’t need to be physically fit or participate in a vigorous training regime, what’s more important is mental strength, concentration and endurance.

'Previous paint-watching experience isn’t essential, but a bit of practice might help prepare contestants for the mammoth task ahead of them.'

Watching paint dry on a mammoth; that does sound exciting....anyway if the idea of watching dulux harden floats your boat you can sign up Here.

Back across the salty thing on the left

A west Florida community is spending $3,800 in tax dollars to entice naked Germans to spend their summer vacations there.

The advertising grant was awarded Tuesday by the Pasco County commission to Pandabare, a local nudist organization representing 16 resorts, campgrounds and clubs located in the largely rural county north of Tampa.

The ads, to be placed in European publications, will promote the county's longstanding reputation as the nudist capital of America.

"The idea is to create a Euro-bird season in July and August which are our worst two months of the year," said Eric Keaton, public communications manager for the Pasco County tourist development agency. Keaton said nudism contributes to the county's economy, but he had no figures to quantify its impact.

The first target market for the ad campaign will be Germany which, according to Pandabare's application, is "a large and lucrative market whose millions of nudists are among the world's most prolific travellers." The group also anticipates a campaign aimed at British nudists.

Roll on next July then....but whatever you do don’t go to the Pandabare site...

And finally:

Over to the right a bit

An official body that includes government ministers and a representative of the Academie Francaise, the eminent French language institution, issued a new set of rules to simplify the spellings of many words, either to bring them in line with pronunciation or to eliminate exceptions.

The changes were made in 1990 — but French media are just getting wind of them.

For example, "aout" (August) drops the pointy circumflex accent over the "u''. "Baby-sitter" gets Frenchified into "babysitteur." Bonhomie, which has come into English with that spelling, becomes bonhommie — to reflect its root "homme" (man).

Both the new and old spellings remain acceptable, but the new ones are supposed to be taught in schools, so they will eventually — in theory — replace the old.

Unfortunately few people seem to know about them, many are opposed, and most school texts don't use the new spellings. Even the Academie Francaise itself has chosen to include only some of the new spellings at the end of its dictionary — explaining that it would like to wait it out and see which spellings are adopted in general usage before giving its official blessing.

When television stations became aware of the "new" rules last month, they sent reporters out into the streets to test the French. Very few identified the new spellings as the correct ones — they all looked so strange! — Though frequent, significant hesitations underscored how difficult even the French find it to spell their own words.

I have enough trouble with English spelling, vive la coquilles.

That’s it: I’m orf to update my login

And today’s thought:

Angus

The French, Monkeys, Maggots and Chicken Dung

At last, something we are not the worst at:

Penny-pinching, rude and terrible at foreign languages: French people are the world's worst tourists according to a study of the global hotel industry released on Thursday

Carried out last month by TNS Infratest, the study asked 40,000 hotels worldwide to rank tourists from 27 countries based on nine criteria, from their politeness to their willingness to tip.
Clean and tidy, polite, quiet and uncomplaining, Japanese tourists came top of the crop for the third year running.

At the other end of the spectrum, French holidaymakers and business travellers were the least generous or ready to tip, and ranked next-to-last for their overall behaviour and politeness.
Pushy French travellers made amends on elegance -- classed third -- as well as for their discretion and cleanliness.

But the French were the least ready to try a new language, unlike US tourists who were most likely to swallow their pride and order a pizza, baguette or paella in the local lingo.
US tourists also got top marks for generosity -- as the biggest spenders and tippers -- but fell short on other counts as the least tidy, the loudest, the worst complainers, and the most badly dressed.

Despite clichés about beer-guzzling hordes descending on Mediterranean resorts each summer, Britons came a surprise second for their overall behaviour, politeness, quietness and even elegance -- second for dress sense only to the Italians.

But the model Japanese were followed by Canadians as the least likely to whinge when a trip goes wrong.

France's rivals for the "worst tourist" tag, Spaniards and Greeks came near the bottom of the pack in almost every category.

Cest la vie.

Monkey see, monkey correct prefixes.

It seems that researchers have “discovered” that cotton-top tamarins are able to spot if the order of syllables in a word is "wrong".

They familiarised the monkeys with two-syllable terms, and recorded their reaction to words that were not consistent with that syllable pattern.

The team says the work illustrates how many animals use patterns that have become intrinsic to human language.

And this provides evidence of the "non-lingual" origin of certain aspects of language, the group told BBC News.

In the experiment, the monkeys were played a series of different words that all shared either the same first syllable or second syllable.

The idea was to investigate the origins of the prefixes and affixes used in many languages to indicate tense.

In English, for example, the past tense of a verb can be composed using the suffix "-ed" - "walk" becomes "walked".

Professor Hauser described how evident this innate ability is when a child learns language.
"As a child learns to use the past tense," he said, "they may generalise and use a suffix wrongly, but they will never generalise in the wrong direction.

"You never hear them say ed-walk instead of walked."

Of course you don’t because they are Human, not monkeys.

Fancy applying for a clinical trial?

Two hundred patients are being sought for a trial looking at how efficient maggots are at wound cleaning.

Cardiff University is teaming up with Bridgend-based ZooBiotic, the UK's only commercial producer of medicinal-quality larvae for the 12-month trial.

Eight hospitals across England and Wales will collaborate on the project.

Researchers will gather evidence over 12 months how effective maggots can be in speeding up healing and cutting the length of hospital stays.

Prof Keith Harding, head of Cardiff University's department of wound healing, said Wales was leading the way in this area of research.

Anecdotal evidence suggests that maggots are extremely successful in the speedy and effective cleaning of wounds and the year-long trial aims to translate that into hard evidence.

ZooBiotic spokeswoman Gill Davies said: "There is a huge amount of anecdotal evidence indicating that maggots are extremely effective in wound cleaning.

"The time has come for this to be backed by further clinical evidence, which is why, we, as a small business, are prepared to invest significantly in conducting this important UK-wide clinical trial.

"It has taken us more than a year to set the wheels in motion, clearing the protocol with regulatory bodies and ethics committees.

Nice, but hasn’t this been known about since Waterloo?


And finally:

What’s in a name?

A Chinese girl who was named Chicken Dung has had it legally changed now that she is an adult.

Zhu Xiansheng, the father of the girl, gave her the name on the advice of a doctor after she was ill as a baby and chicken manure was used to treat her.

She was named Ji Shi, which means Chicken Dung, but always hated the name, reports the Southwest Morning Post.

However, she was stuck with it until she was 18, the legal age for name changing in China, when she changed it to Yingzi.

"At last, she is no longer afraid to show anybody her ID card," said her father, of Lindong village, Fujian province.

Other “wonderful” children’s ‘names are:

Aanisah: Macy Gray (also mother to Tahmel)

Audio Science: Shannyn Sossamon

Diezel Ky: Toni Braxton and Keri Lewis (also parents to Denim Cole)

Fifi Trixibell: Bob Geldof and Paula Yates (also parents to Peaches and Pixie)

Moon Unit: Frank Zappa, also father to Dweezil and Diva Muffin

Moxie CrimeFighter: Penn Jillette (also father to Zolten)

And my favourite: Sage Moonblood: Sylvester Stallone and Sasha Czack (also parents to Seargeoh)



Angus

Angus Dei politico

Angus Dei-NHS-THE OTHER SIDE