Osborne -“up yours”: Fire breathing bridge: Gull wing Numpty: Hade’s hole: and a very, very big De Daw.

Many many minus numbers on the liquid metal gauge, layers of scrapey scrapey stuff, not even a whimsy of atmospheric movement and just a hint of dawn’s crack at the Castle this morn.

 

Son of a B....aronet and alien reptile in disguise

George (I’m not in it at all so fuck you) Osborne allegedly did not realise a car he was travelling in was parked in a disabled bay at a motorway service station-according to Aunty.

The Daily Mirror published a photograph of the chancellor getting into a Land Rover parked in the marked bay at Magor services on the M4 near Newport.

But a Treasury source said Mr Osborne had been dropped off to buy lunch.

The unmarked police Land Rover was not driven by the chancellor at any point, added the source.

The incident is understood to have taken place on Wednesday as the chancellor returned from a speaking engagement at a nursery in Cardiff.

The Treasury source told the BBC the chancellor had got into the car and left the scene without realising that it had been parked in the bay.

 

Knob head.....

 

East to the land of Vietnamese

Opened on March 29, the 38th anniversary of the liberation of Da Nang City, the 666 meter long, 37.5 meter wide bridge has six lanes for traffic and two pedestrian sidewalks. The steel arch bridge weighs up to 1,000 tons, making it the biggest in the whole world.

But that’s not all. The Dragon Bridge is outfitted with a modern lighting system that includes 15,000 Philips LED lights that make it brilliantly change colours. In addition, the dragon is capable of releasing bursts of fire or sprays of water from its mouth.
 

Rubbery, or should that be jubbery…..

 

Back over to the ruling country of what is left of Europe

A hapless mechanic is facing a £500,000 bill after pranging a customer's prized classic Mercedes sports car on an unofficial test drive.

The rare 1954 300SL sports car - with its distinctive gull wing doors - had been left at the garage in Pleidelsheim, Germany, for a routine service.

But mechanic Gilsroy Mansen, 26, couldn't resist taking it for a spin and lost control of the 220 bhp vehicle on a bend, say police.

Witnesses say the collector's car - capable of 161 mph - rolled over several times when Mansen skidded trying to overtake another car at high speed.

"To everyone's astonishment, not least the driver's, he walked away without a scratch, which is a testament to how well these old cars were built.

"The driver was more worried about what he was going to say to the owner than he was about himself," said one police crash investigator.

"But sadly the car is in a very sorry state, pretty much destroyed.

"Any ordinary vehicle would be a write off but because this is so rare this mechanic can expect a very large repair bill," they added.

 

Hope the Numpty has insurance.....

 

East to the land where Turkeys don’t come from

Allegedly archaeologists have unearthed the remnants of an ancient mythological cave, ominously described as being the ‘gate to hell.'

The team behind the dig located the portal recently in the ancient Phrygian city of Hierapolis –referred to as the entryway to Hell by Cicero and Greek geographer Strabo.

As the Greek philosopher explained in his writing, the entrance of the cave spews noxious vapours that kill anything in their path.

"Any animal that passes inside meets instant death," he wrote.

"I threw in sparrows and they immediately breathed their last and fell."
This space is full of a vapour so misty and dense that one can scarcely see the ground," he added.

Upon excavation of the site, archaeologists also found Ionic semi-columns that had inscriptions of dedication to the deities of the underworld, Pluto and Kore.

Priests, who would have been hallucinating under the influence of the fumes, would sacrifice bulls to Pluto by leading the animals into the toxic cave, before dragging them out dead, the archaeologist explained.

“We could see the cave’s lethal properties during the excavation,” D’Andria said.

“Several birds died as they tried to get close to the arm opening, instantly killed by the carbon dioxide fumes.”

 

And they blame us for global warming...

 

And finally:

 

East to the place where tea used to come from

 

Scientists have “discovered” a bloody great big venomous Tarantula which is apparently the size of a human face, its legs, which have unique daffodil-yellow markings, span a massive 20cm (eight inches). The arachnid also has a distinctive pink band around its body.

The new species was found in the war-torn north of the South Asian country by scientists from Sri Lanka's Biodiversity Education and Research (BER) organisation.

It has been named Poecilotheria rajaei, in recognition of a senior police officer called Michael Rajakumar Purajah, who guided the research team through a hazardous jungle overrun by civil unrest in order to seek out the spider.

 

I think you would need a roll of wallpaper to sort that one out....

 

That’s it: I’m orf to reboot the ‘Petaflop’ computer

 

And today’s thought:

Grand National Lasagne

 

Angus

Twitter Twat: Marmite Dahn Unda (and right a bit): The Cucamelon: Farting smokers: and Popeye’s home.

Masses of skywater, minimum atmospheric movement, much lack of warm and bugger all solar stuff (as usual) at the Castle this morn, the right elbow is still excruciatingly painful but at least I can use one finger-hence today’s load of old bollocks.

 

Son of a B.....aronet and alien reptile in disguise

George (fiddler in the sideboard) Osborne has decided to concentrate his massive lack of intelligence on something even more important than the economy-he wants to get more followers on Twitter than starey eyes Ed Balls.

Mathematically challenged Osborne who started using his account (@George_Osborne) yesterday morning, has already racked up over 34,000 followers despite having only sent four tweets.

In contrast, the Shadow Chancellor has sent over 3,000 tweets, and has gained over 77,000 followers.

When challenged by Daybreak presenter Lorraine Kelly as to whether he spent most of yesterday on the micro blogging site, Osborne replied: "I confess I didn't spend most of yesterday doing it. I did a couple of tweets and I'm getting used to it. But it's a pretty fast and furious world out there on Twitter.”

Within minutes of sending his first tweet, which included a photograph of the Chancellor apparently adding some final touches to his Budget, he was bombarded with abusive tweets.

 

Took me bloody ages to write them....

 

Dahn Unda and right a bit

Marmite has returned to New Zealand, after the 2011 earthquake in Christchurch makers, Sanitarium, closed its factory but "From March 20, Marmite is back on supermarket shelves across NZ.

Marmite was originally imported into New Zealand but by 1919 the country had come up with its own version, which tastes quite different from the English version.

As a result, importing English Marmite simply would not work, said Pierre van Heerden, Sanitarium's general manager.

Earlier in March Mr Van Heerden and former All Blacks captain Buck Shelford visited Christchurch to deliver some of the new jars.

 

Spiffing, think I’ll stick to the Blighty version

 

And all over Blighty in the “spring”

Gardeners will now be able to grow cucamelons which are the size of a grape but looks like a watermelon and it tastes like a cross between a cucumber and a lime.

Suttons Seeds has started stocking the plants, Latin name Melothria Scabra.

A spokesman said: “The fruit can be used in a variety of dishes, including salads and salsa, or on a cocktail stick in a Martini, which works quite well.” 

Can’t wait, all you have to do is dig through the snow, break up the frozen soil with a pickaxe, sow your cucamelons and wait, and wait and.......

 

West to the land of Canadians

 

Ontario anti-smoking ads featuring young adults farting up a storm at a party has gone viral.

In its new Quit The Denial campaign, the province's health ministry compares social smoking to social farting.

"Well, it's true that I fart. But I wouldn't call myself a farter. I'm a social farter," says the blonde woman featured in the ads, as the camera pans across a party full of young, hip Ontarians letting 'em rip.

"I really only do it when I hang out with my friends that fart. We hang out. We drink. We dance. Just have some fun being together, farting."

The campaign highlights similarities between social smokers and social farters, noting they both do it to break the ice, and the smell tends to linger.

The video has run on blogs, ad sites and newspapers around the world.

Since then, the province has released videos comparing social smoking to social earwax picking and social nibbling food off other people's plates.

 

Nice to see that Canadians are into social equality....

 

And finally:

 

East to Malta

Tucked away in the small island is a place you’d probably never expect to find in the real world– Popeye’s Village. Also known as Sweethaven Village, it is an ideal family-vacation spot and one of Malta’s major tourist attractions. The fun park is modelled on the theme of the favourite children’s cartoon character, Popeye the Sailor Man. Interestingly, this village was the actual set used by Paramount Pictures and Walt Disney Productions to shoot the 1980 film Popeye, based on the comic strips by E. C. Segar.

At Sweethaven, you can expect to see models of all the main characters of the popular children’s cartoon – Popeye the Sailor, Olive Oyl, Bluto, Swee’Pea and Wimpy. You can also go on joy rides and visit play houses, puppet shows, museums, and cinema sessions featuring the film Popeye and the construction of the set. You can even star in your own film, record it and take it home. But that’s not all, there are a host of other things to see and experience, like face painting, balloon modelling, storytelling, open-air barbeques, crafts and Wii games. There’s also a mini golf course and a free wine tasting for adults. The season-specific activities are a huge hit as well, these include water trampolines, play pools and boat rides during the summer and a Christmas Parade along with Santa’s toy town in December.

 

Lovely, but at least the banks are still open….

 

That’s it: I’m orf to check the garden for wasp spiders-just in case

 

And today’s thought:

Aspiration Nation

 

Angus