Another one more year: Don’t pick it in the Philippines: Make the bad man go away: Bloody big bull: Wanna buy a nuke power plant and Washington rubbish.

Not a glimpse of Dawns crack even less atmospheric movement, quite a lack of warm, nary a whimsy of solar stuff and bugger all skywater at the castle this morn.

Poor old Angus staggered into the 65^th year of what’s left of his life yesterday to become an official old fart and looking forward to the “state” pension which apparently is enough to live on if you don’t want to eat, keep warm or travel about.

So after 48 years of paying 10% of my earnings it seems that I am “entitled” to 155 squids and a bit per week until I pop my clogs.

But who’s moaning.......

East many miles to the land of ....stuff

Apparently those in power have warned the Philippine police not to do anything that might create a negative impression among members of the public such as picking their noses, taking selfies, play online games, smoke or chew gum during their shifts.

The list also specifies that any bodily itches must remain unscratched, and officers should avoid "unseemly posture" such as standing on one leg,



Wonder if smashing up someone’s car with a baton is included.....

West to the land of the rug and the home of the wall

Nine-year-old Amariyanna ‘Mari’ Copeny has become an online sensation when her smile turned to a fearful expression upon meeting Donald Trump.


No surprise there then.....

Still in the land of thingy and whatnot

A giant, 1-ton Holstein steer who loves to eat bread and romps like a puppy at a Northern California zoo is vying for the title of world’s tallest bovine.

His name is Danniel and he measures 6 feet, 4 inches from the hoof to the withers, a smidge taller than the current record-holder, the Eureka Times Standard reported Wednesday.

A veterinarian and his keepers at the Sequoia Park Zoo in the city of Eureka measured Danniel on Tuesday to confirm his height, but Guinness World Records has yet to verify it.



Rather them than me......

Dahn a bit to Alabama

After spending more than 40 years and $5 billion on an unfinished nuclear power plant in north-eastern Alabama, the nation's largest federal utility is preparing to sell the property at a fraction of its cost.

The Tennessee Valley Authority has set a minimum bid of $36.4 million for its Bellefonte Nuclear Plant and the 1,600 surrounding acres of waterfront property on the Tennessee River. The buyer gets two unfinished nuclear reactors, transmission lines, office and warehouse buildings, eight miles of roads, a 1,000-space parking lot and more.


Initial bids are due Monday, and at least one company has publicly expressed interest in the site with plans to use it for alternative energy production. But TVA says it isn't particular about what the purchaser does — using the site for power production, industrial manufacturing, recreation or even residences would all be fine with the agency, said spokesman Scott Fiedler.



Cheap at half the price-are you listening Theresa Might?



And finally:

Up to DC

Harper Westover, age 2 received a “Notice of Violation” in the mail reporting she was being fined $75 for allegedly littering at the end of the alley by her home, on 9th Street NE.

Officials included evidence of a discarded envelope a city worker had found with a bag of trash in the alley. Exhibit A against Harpie the Violator was a photograph of that unopened envelope addressed to her from Bucky’s Buddies, a kids club for fans of the University of Wisconsin at Madison, the alma mater of her mother, Theresa.

Westover, an attorney for the National Labour Relations Board, called the solid waste inspector who issued the ticket and told the inspector, her daughter is 2. Could the Department of Public Works kindly rescind the fine?

“The inspector’s response was there was a piece of trash in the alley with Harper’s name on it. I said, ‘I understand that, but she’s only 2 years old. Are you willing to rescind the ticket?’ She said ‘No,’ ” Westover recalled. “They list Harper as a ‘violator.’ As a mom, it bothered me.”

Early Friday evening, a public works official swung by the Westover rowhouse and saw Harper and her mother in the alley, getting ready for an interview with a local news station. The official looked at Harper, jokingly calling her “the 2-year-old violator,” according to Theresa Westover. Then he said he would waive both Harper’s and her mother’s violations.

In a telephone interview with The Washington Post, Harper, fresh from an afternoon nap, insisted she was innocent.

But when pressed for more details about her whereabouts at the time of the alleged offense on Aug. 24 at 11:06 am, the wrongly accused litterbug laughed.

“Hide and seek,” was all she said.



Nice one.....





That’s it: I’m orf to count a few stars


And today’s thought:

Angus

Royal cheeks-allegedly: Bin snooping? True lies: Racist Sarnies: Crèche and curses: Breast washing machine: and the Rose Galaxy.

Plenty of solar activity, even more lack of warm, much less atmospheric movement and nary a whimsy of skywater at the Castle this morn.

In response to overwhelming public demand (thanks AK Haart) you are still going to be subjected to my pointless rambles for a while yet (see yestermorn’s post).

And the interweb thingy seems to be going tits up-spotted the theme yet?

 

It seems that the Royal Norks thingy was legit after all, and being a bit of a breast man I still can’t see what all the fuss is about she doesn’t really have much to boast about, her minor Maj didn’t mind cavorting about in nearly nothing whist at Uni, but what really intrigues me is: What the hell is the tall, thin bald bloke doing in this pic? It isn’t about Norks but if this Piss Poor blog disappears overnight you will know that “they” don’t want snaps of the Royal arse bandied about the Blogosphere.

 

Still it seems that the mob at Buck House have pre-empted the problems by sending the pair out to places that are not very happy with non Muslims, a bit like sending dirty Harry out to Afghanistan after his photo session in Vegas-much less suspect than a car crash....

 

Apparently the Pickles bin police are still poking about in our refuse

Despite the Coalition's promises that councils' powers would be curbed thousands of people are still being fined over their household rubbish.

Ministers have repeatedly promised to stop councils levying fines of up to £1,000 on householders for minor infractions like leaving bins out on the wrong day.

But evidence from a survey using Freedom of Information laws by campaigners suggests that thousands of households are still being fined despite the pledges.

A report by the Manifesto Club, to be published on Monday, found that 88 out of 358 councils across the UK had issued “waste receptacle” fines in 2011/12.

Josie Appleton, director of the Manifesto Club, said: “Bin fines have become a money-making operation, rather than a last resort to deal with real offenders.

Under the current system, councils have the power to issue fixed penalty notices of up to £110, or push for criminal convictions and a fine of up to £1,000.

In one instance, a woman from central London was fined when she threw away one of her company’s bank statements into her household collection.

Sabine Guerry, who lives in Westminster, said she was fined for post relating to her own private company at her home address.

She said: “Westminster Council agents opened and searched my rubbish bag in front of my door, and found one bank statement from my company together with my personal waste.

“They deduced that this was “commercial” waste, took some pictures, and sent me an £80 fine for illegal commercial littering.

“They said I should have used a dedicated commercial bin bag, labelling who was collecting my rubbish. They seem to be suggesting that I employ somebody separately to take away my company’s bank statement.”

Westminster council said that it "would not fine a resident for simply putting rubbish in a bin", adding: "The only reason we would look through waste is if it has been dumped illegally, and to look for evidence of who dumped it.

 

Ah the old fly tipping ruse.....

 

Up in the Smoke

Anna Soubry, a health minister, has said that the Coalition “screwed up” over its controversial reforms of the NHS according to the Torygraph.

Miss Soubry, a junior health minister, made the frank remark in a private discussion with health service managers about reforms that will give GPs control of £80 billion of health spending.

It is the second outspoken statement Miss Soubry has made since her appointment ten days ago.

Last weekend, she angered some Conservative MPs by suggesting that euthanasia laws are “ridiculous” and should be changed to make it easier for the sick to end their own lives.

In a private question-and-answer session, she was asked about the way the Government had dealt with medical professionals and the Royal Colleges representing them over the reforms.

“We screwed up,” she replied, according to sources at the event.

Many of the colleges initially supported the reforms drawn up by Andrew Lansley, the former health secretary, but gradually withdrew their support.

That helped ensure the Health and Social Care Act had a bruising passage through Parliament and attracted significant public protest.

Some Conservatives fear the reform package has cost their party the public trust over health David Cameron tried to win in opposition.

 

And most of the voters...

 

Across the deepening salty thing on the left

According to Verenice Gutierrez, principal of Harvey Scott K-8 School Portland, Oregon peanut butter and jelly sandwiches carry racist connotations.

“Take the peanut butter sandwich, a seemingly innocent example a teacher used in a lesson last school year,” “What about Somali or Hispanic students, who might not eat sandwiches?” Gutierrez asked.

“Another way would be to say: ‘Americans eat peanut butter and jelly, do you have anything like that?’

The Tribune noted that the school started the New Year with "intensive staff trainings, frequent staff meetings, classroom observations and other initiatives," to help educators understand their own “white privilege,” in order to "change their teaching practices to boost minority students’ performance."

"Last Wednesday, the first day of the school year for staff, for example, the first item of business for teachers at Scott School was to have a Courageous Conversation — to examine a news article and discuss the 'white privilege' it conveys," the Tribune added.

 

Totally bleedin bonkers and this daft mare is in charge of a school!

 

Back in f#~^ing Blighty

Peter Capaldi and Alastair Campbell were left embarrassed when their sponsored swear-off for charity was accidentally broadcast to a crèche.

The Thick of It star and the former Downing Street press chief were appearing at a charity day at the headquarters of City trader BGC.

They were talked into the ‘swearathon’ in order to raise money for the Leukaemia and Lymphoma Research team, and their diatribes were broadcast across the entire building until organisers realised that they were audible in the children’s crèche downstairs from the trading floor.

Mr Campbell apologised to “the kids and their mums and dads, and anyone else who took offence”.

“Our only defence is that the traders looked in need of a laugh after a day spent trying to humour celebs, and we were raising money for our respective charities,” he added.

Campbell won his swear-off against the Glaswegian actor by managing to cram eleven uses of the f-word into a one-minute speech.

 

Only eleven, fucking useless...

 

Right a smidge and back quite a few chronological units

 

Comes the circa 1930s breast washer, which is apparently a massage device, which claims to prevent sagging, enlarge small breasts, shrink large breasts, and generally meet all your personal breast-care needs.

Wonder if they did one for chaps...

 And finally:

 

From the depths of the Universe

Comes an amazing Hubble bubble pic of the Rose Galaxy known as UGC 1810, it has a disk that is distorted into a rose-like shape by the gravitational tidal pull of the companion galaxy below it, known as UGC 1813.

 

Cool....

 

That’s it: I’m orf to check out the erbium-doped yttrium aluminium garnet injector thingy

 

And today’s thought:

That’ll teach her to have her nipples pierced

 

 

 

Angus

 

Where’s you bin?: Dear dinner: More mash Vicar?: Maple syrup: and National cleavage day.

Cold, calm and still dry at the Castle this first of April morn, the garden is almost sorted, the Castle is shining like a new pin and his Maj has discovered the joy of pouncing on the stuff finally delivered by Royal Mail and shredding it before I can throw it in the recycling bin.

And talking of bins

It seems that local councils don’t want to take advantage of the £250 million discovered in Son of a B.......aronet (and alien reptile in disguise) George (my bins are emptied by servants) Osborne’s pants draw to reinstate weekly wheelie bin collections, but instead want to use the dosh to on schemes to increase recycling and collect only food scraps — not black bags — once a week. One even applied for money for a fleet of “low carbon” refuse trucks.

According to the Torygraph:

96 councils are not applying for funds. Most of them have already abandoned weekly collections, and 58 of the 96 are Conservative authorities

34 will apply for money but only to introduce weekly food waste collections, or increase the number of homes covered, rather than bring in a full service

31 wanted money for plans which will do nothing to bring back weekly collections, including sat nav systems for rubbish Lorries, more giant communal bins and even “nappy recycling” schemes

Two councils were in the process of ditching weekly collections — but were still applying to the scheme for funding for weekly food collections

Only 17 authorities which currently have full weekly collections said they would apply for money to guarantee their future.

Oh dear, what a “Pickle” Eric.......

Left to the place where the unsinkable never reached

A restaurant in Houston is offering what it calls the Titanic Experience: a 10-course meal comprised of similar dishes served to the ill-fated ship's first class passengers the night they met their demise-allegedly.

The whole event lasts for four hours, from the wine and beef appetizer to the after dinner cheese. To make the experience even more authentic, guests are given the chance to sample a bottle of Armagnac brandy from the year 1900 by the end of the night.

Cullen's restaurant special Titanic package was created to commemorate the 100th anniversary of the ship's sinking on April 15 and will only set you back $12,000… 

Num, num, num-not….bit too much salt for me…

Up North 

A vicar claims a potato got stuck up his bottom after he fell on to the vegetable while hanging curtains in the nude.

The clergyman, in his 50s, told medical staff at Sheffield's Northern General Hospital that the accident was definitely not due to a sex game.

He had to undergo surgery to extract the spud from his backside, according to The Sun.

A&E nurse Trudi Watson said: 'He explained to me, quite sincerely, he had been hanging curtains naked in the kitchen when he fell backwards on to the kitchen table and on to a potato.

'But it's not for me to question his story.'

And we all know that the clergy don’t tell lies…..

Left again and up a smidge

Apparently there is plenty of go-juice in Canada but a dearth of maple syrup, an unseasonably warm winter is being blamed for a maple syrup shortage in much of North America this year, and with a number of maple syrup festivals taking place in coming weeks true connoisseurs of Canadian cuisine and culture are beginning to panic. 

Mind you if that’s how they collect it no wonder there’s not a lot of it-I suggest that they fill up jerry cans just in case...

And finally:

Back in pert Blighty

Yesterday a harem of scantily-clad women strolled down Oxford Street in nothing more than their underwear.

The gang risked causing a pile-up on the busy road as they merrily flaunted their bodies in a variety of lingerie.

The stunt marked the opening of the new Ann Summers store on nearby Wardour Street, as well as National Cleavage Day this Saturday.

NCD is held annually to celebrate women's independence and power in their careers and relationships.

The recruited crew came in all shapes and sizes to show prospective Ann Summers customers that there's something for everyone inside its new store.

 Why do I keep missing these things?

That’s it: I’m orf to check out my apps

And today’s thought:

Keep an eye out for spaghetti trees

Angus

Where’s you bin: Fit to drop: Flying Numpty: First contact: and Cut price petrol.

‘Tis much cooler at the Castle this morn, with the feel of imminent sky water, the last dark thing was more than a tad hot and damp, the liquid metal scale reached 94f up the spiral staircase and his majesty decided that the best place was in the bin.

 And talking of bins

It seems that Dahn in Brighton, and up in Manchester up to 40 families a time are being forced to share enormous communal bins as councils across the country remove wheelie bins to save money.

Around 30,000 families in Brighton have been told to share 700 of the “dumpster” receptacles more commonly seen in Spain, Italy and Germany which can store 3,200 litres of rubbish.

A similar scheme in Manchester has seen 15,000 homes using 1,100-litre dumpsters with each one shared by up to 20 families.

In Bristol 3,000 households are involved in a trial operation with up to a dozen families sharing a bin.

Bob Neill, the Local Government Minister, said: “Communal bins are the brainchild of Labour bureaucrats who targeted hard-working households and bullied councils into cutting back weekly rubbish collections while doubling council tax.

“We are reining in the bin police and stopping this kind of bin blight. The Government is working with local councils to increase the frequency and quality of rubbish collections.”  

Sounds like a rubbish idea.

And according to “experts”

The average 50-something now leads a fitter and more active life than they did in their 20s.

Older adults are reaping the benefits of better diets, more exercise and increased free time to focus on their health, suggests the poll of 1,500 over 50s.

The survey found that they were taking more exercise and eating more healthy food than they were when they were younger.

Free of the pressures of working life and raising a family, they could also dedicate more time to exercise.

The poll, commissioned by the insurer Engage Mutual, found that seven in 10 people over 50 were doing more exercise than in their youth.

A similar number now pay more attention to their diet, eating much more fruit and vegetables and many less take-aways than they did in decades past.

"Current predictions for life expectancy state that men age 65 could expect to live another 17 years and women at 65 could expect to live another 20 years.”

Load of old bollocks, this is all part of the conspiracy to make us retire at seventy five so that “they” don’t have to pay the pensions we are entitled to.

Over to the land of anti car laws

A teenage car thief lost control of a stolen vehicle - and sailed 300ft through the air off a mountainside onto the roof of a house.

The 16-year-old spent hours speeding around winding mountain roads in Walemsee, Switzerland, before taking one bend too quickly.

"He spun the car through a safety barrier and it flew 30 metres through the air before it landed on a roof garden below," said one police officer.

"But the momentum kept the car going and it bounced off that roof and fell another 70 metres until it finally came to rest on a house lower down the slope."

Home-owner Thorsten Baumgartner, 48, said: "There was an enormous bang and the whole property shook.

"I thought at first it was an earthquake or that part of the hillside had collapsed on my property. I didn't expect to see a car on the roof when I went outside.

The Numpty driver was unhurt in the crash and was caught trying to stagger away down the road suffering from shock. 

I know parking is expensive but that is taking it a bit too far....

 East a bit more

Russian scientists expect humanity to encounter alien civilizations within the next two decades, a top Russian astronomer predicted on Monday.

“The genesis of life is as inevitable as the formation of atoms... Life exists on other planets and we will find it within 20 years,” Andrei Finkelstein, director of the Russian Academy of Sciences’ Applied Astronomy Institute, was quoted by the Interfax news agency as saying.

Speaking at an international forum dedicated to the search for extraterrestrial life, Finkelstein said 10 percent of the known planets circling suns in the galaxy resemble Earth.

If water can be found there, then so can life, he said, adding that aliens would most likely resemble humans with two arms, two legs and a head. 

They are already here-take a look at son of a B....aronet George (reptilian alien in disguise) Osborne.

 And finally:

German Robin bastards

Thieves broke into a petrol station at night and sold all the fuel at half-price.

Drivers queued down the street to take advantage of the “special offer”, which lasted just a few hours before the pumps ran dry.

Staff believe that the gang made several thousand Euros from the scam in Fulda, Germany.

Police have so far spoken to 69 drivers who filled up but have warned the rest to come forward.

A spokesman said: “We will find them, so they had better settle their debt before they get an unexpected visit.”

Fuelling the recession?

 That’s it: I’m orf to buy an acoustic cloak.

 And today’s thought: We never really grow up; we only learn how to act in public.

Angus