The EU rules: Housey-housey: U-F-O BBC: Human show jumping: Munich motor: and Lego my Batcave.

The butler is stuffing fat, carbon neutral teenagers into the furnace as fast as he can to compensate for the lack of warm at the Castle this morn.

Too dark to report on the rest of the wevver conditions, but his Maj has returned from doing his business with not a jot of wet stuff on his coat.

Finally finished the loo, bathroom, landing and master bedroom, just the stairs and lobby left to do, more knackered than the most knackered thing you could think of.

 

The Irritable Bowel Twins are not very happy

Because the EU is insisting that European immigrants should be able to claim handouts and pensions without first having to pass a test proving that they have settled in multicultural Blighty.

The demand is the latest response in a continuing row after Iain Duncan Smith said that such a system would mean immigrants could get benefits on the first day of entering Britain.

The knob at the top of the Dept of Witless Pillocks said last month that it would cost taxpayers £155 million a year if the UK was forced to get rid of the “habitual resident test”.

The test makes sure that foreigners have genuinely lived and paid taxes in the country before they can claim welfare payments.

His department has been holding talks with the European Commission for months in an effort to find a solution, but sources said on Thursday that Brussels was preparing to sue Britain by the end of this year unless the test is scrapped.

 

On Thursday night, a spokesman for the Department of Work and Pensions said: “The EU has no right to interfere in this way and we will continue fighting it.”

 

That’ll teach em.....

 

And all over building-less Blighty

Allegedly efforts to reduce people’s dependency on benefits could be undermined by the Government’s own flagship housing scheme, an influential committee of MPs has warned.

The £1.8 billion Affordable Homes Programme risks sucking poorer people further into a “benefit trap” and threaten the Government’s plans to “make work pay”, according to the cross-party Public Accounts Committee.

The initiative, launched two years ago, aims to build 80,000 new homes by 2015 to tackle a national shortage.

Affordable housing providers are given Government grants averaging £20,000 per home to build new housing to let out to social tenants.

But, because the grants are only about a third of the value of those provided under a previous scheme, the providers are being allowed to charge higher rents to the new tenants.

Meanwhile those who do are likely to end up simply claiming more on housing benefits, the committee found.

But Mark Prisk, the housing minister, said: "Today's report fails to recognise the flexibility that the new system of Affordable Rent offers landlords, giving them the option to set rents to ensure a fit with local circumstances.

"And anyone eligible for full housing benefit will have their Affordable Rent paid in full.”

"This new Affordable Homes Programme will lever in £10 billion of new private investment, ensuring we deliver 53,000 more affordable homes than we could have done under the previous funding models."

 

Still all this building will give the Polish economy a big boost....

 

West to the home of aliens and the land of “security”

 

A BBC film crew was held at gunpoint after trying to sneak into Nevada's Area 51 military base with UFO conspiracy theorists.

Irish comedian Andrew Maxwell and UFO expert Darren Perks sneaked past the border at the site - and were forced to lie on the ground at gunpoint for three hours while the FBI checked their credentials.

It is the same 'documentary' team that caused outrage in Britain last week when they suggested that the 7/7 London bombings were part of a government conspiracy to boost support for the Iraq war.

The crew 12 people in total were investigating Area 51 in Nevada - where the U.S. military allegedly hold the bodies of aliens and the remnants of ships which crashed in Roswell, New Mexico in 1947.

As they crossed the border, military officers arrested them, confiscating their phones, wallets and identification.

Darren told the Mail Online: 'Basically the concept of the trip was to tour across California, Arizona and Nevada with comedian presenter Andrew Maxwell and four people who had an interest in the UFO phenomena.

'We went to Area 51 in Nevada firstly because it’s related to the UFO phenomena and secondly so we could do a night time sky watch to see if we could spot anything unusual.

 

Nice to see that our license fee is being used to bring us such “interesting” programmes and that the twonks Auntie employs are illiterate.

 

All across the World

There is a new “sport”; you don't have to wear a saddle or have steel shoes nailed onto your feet, in fact you don’t even need an ‘Orse, oh yes we now have Horseless show jumping.

According to Phil Rozon, a Canadian jumper judge who officiated at both the horseless horse show and the American Gold Cup Grand Prix that followed. "We judge them just like horses."

Indeed, the young competitors are judged just as horse and rider combos would be in standard show jumping classes—placing according to speed or the time taken to complete a given course. The fastest time wins, but penalties are incurred for faults such as knocking down a rail.

 

My brain hurts...

 

Over to the place where beer festivals abound

A man in southern Germany has been reunited with his car two years after forgetting where he parked, Bavarian police said on Thursday.

After a night of drinking in December 2010 and an unsuccessful search the next day, the vehicle's owner reported his car as missing to the Munich police.

Authorities discovered it by chance last month after a traffic warden noticed that its inspection stickers had expired - 4 km from the spot where the now 33-year-old craftsman originally thought he had parked.

"The weird thing is that it turned up so far away, although the owner was pretty sure of where he had left it," said police spokesman Alexander Lorenz.

In the trunk were 40,000 Euros ($51,600) worth of tools including power drills and electric screwdrivers, Lorenz said.

 

I don’t need to be drunk to forget where I parked...

 

And finally:

 

Somewhere in an alternative universe

 

Carlyle Livingston II and Wayne Hussey stand behind their massive Lego creation. (Flickr)When it comes to expansive Batman and Lego creations, most of us are content to stick to the video game offerings.

But Carlyle Livingston II and Wayne Hussey have taken things a giant leap forward, creating a spectacular replica of the Batcave using more than 20,000 individual Lego pieces.

The pair debuted the creation at the 2012 Emerald City Comicon. They uploaded several dozen photos and three videos to Flickr detailing the construction of the cave, home to the comic-book character Batman. In the photos you can also see some of their other creations, including several "Star Wars"-themed spaceships.

The Brothers Brick site notes that it took Livingston and Hussey more than 800 hours to assemble the 20,000 pieces, with the final model weighing more than 100 pounds.

Their Batcave even comes with its own lighting and a rotating turntable at the centre of the cave. The Laughing Squid site notes that a single battery powers the entire Lego Batcave, wired to several different lighting sources, including Christmas and flash lights.

 

Think they have Lego of reality...

 

That’s it: I’m orf to cash in on a “Super Earth”

 

And today’s thought:

Auntie’s new headquarters.

 

 

Angus

Dear, old NHS: Centrica cashes in: USA UFO: Big Lobster: No pants out East: and Mirror, mirror.

Damp, dismal and a fair amount of positive numbers in the liquid metal gauge at the castle this morn, the Fallic Glu still has its hold on moi, I am “glowing” a bit more than gently and have just returned from the stale bread, gruel and his Maj’s food run dahn Tesco, still dodging the internet robots and watching as the total on the receipt climb to new heights. 

Bit late today-having all sorts of problems with the interweb thingy..

In old, decrepit Blighty

It seems that our NHS may need an emergency cash bailout before the next general election.

And apparently it is all the fault of us old farts: Alien reptile in disguise George (you are all in it, but we are still rich) Osborne reckons that despite the £20 billion cuts and “extra money” for the old girl there will not be enough to provide care for the growing number of elderly patients and meet the rising cost of advanced medical treatments.

Well, excuse me for not shuffling orf this mortal coil.....

Still in the warm wet UK

British gas has seen a 30% fall in operating profits at its residential energy division to a mere £522m.

The firm blamed lower consumption due to good weather and improvements in energy efficiency.

"2011 was a tough year, both for Centrica and our customers," said chief executive Sam Laidlaw.

 I don’t consider a £522m profit “tough”; more like a rip orf....

Left to the home of the unknown and the land of logos

Footage claiming to feature the best UFO sighting ever recorded has been released on YouTube.

Reported to have been captured from a moving car near Roswell, New Mexico – the site of one of the most controversial conspiracy theory incidents in US history − the clip has been viewed over 10,000 times.

Stephen Hannard, of Alien Disclosure Group UK, uploaded the eerie recording of the flying saucer.

He commented: “Possible leaked footage of a UFO arriving then landing at an unknown location in New Mexico.”

His speculation continued: “Could be one of ours, CGI, or could be the real deal. As Always You Decide.”

Odd thing is that this “UFO” seems to have the American “star” on it.

Up a smidge to one of the fishing bits of the States

A giant 27-pound lobster has been caught off the Maine coast, but it won't be going into a pot of boiling water.

Maine State Aquarium Director Aimee Hayden-Rodriques says Cushing shrimp fisherman Robert Malone caught the monster crustacean in his nets Friday. He gave it to the Department of Marine Resources to deliver to the aquarium, which the DMR operates in Boothbay Harbour.

The beast weighed in at 27 pounds and measured nearly 40 inches long. It was dubbed Rocky because it was caught in the Rockland area, but Hayden-Rodriquez says it could have been named for Rocky the boxer because its claws are big enough to pack quite a punch.

Hayden-Rodriquez says Rocky will soon be released into the ocean because he'll fare better in the wild.

Rocky go home....

East to the land of pants

Last week in Taiwan, a gaggle of young girls flaunted their assets on Taipei’s MRT subway line — all in the name of saving the world, of course. Mirroring the famed “No Pants Subway Ride” that has exploded in popularity in New York due to the efforts of groups like Improv Everywhere, the women (and some men) bared legs and smiles to a sea of gawkers in order to raise environmental awareness.

The group boarded the MRT at 9am to the shock of commuters and workers alike, and were surrounded by cameras in no time. When asked about their motives, they responded that they wanted to inject some excitement and liberation into their normally monotonous life, while also promoting energy conservation and reduction of carbon emissions (presumably by attracting attention to Taiwan’s MRT).

Nothing to do with getting on the telly then.....

And finally:

Left a fair way and up a bit

Every year, for 84 days in a row, the sun would disappear behind a 1,600-meter high mountain in the town of Viganella. As a result, the town with 197 inhabitants would be plunged into near-total darkness.

Thanks to the work of Midali, a large eight metres wide by five metres tall mirror has just been installed in November to bring light to this town during winter.

Workers also installed a powerful "altazimuth" computer that would move the mirror around so as to capture the sun's rays and convey them on the town's square for up to eight hours a day

That’ll bugger up the Leccy companies profits....

That’s it: I’m orf to see if I can get cheaper water.

And today’s thought:

Eggstaterrestrial

Angus

Compo coppers: El Colacho: The Txalaparta: Pass the bomb: B2 or UFO: and Jackson Pillocks.

Colder than the tip of the iceberg of sleaze in the Piss Poor Policies Millionaires Club Coalition at the Castle this morn, the butler is stuffing fat teenagers into the furnace faster than the economy is falling into recession and his Maj has discovered the joy of falling asleep on my lap and drooling all over my trousers.

All across broken, bonus led Blighty

According to the Sun, some woodentops are raking it in, and have shared £12 million of our council tax in compo.

One officer received £120,000 for a 'bruise', while another received £17,500 for 'noise-induced deafness from computer/keyboard'.

A Humberside sergeant received £14,000 after suffering from tinnitus caused by a 'buzzer in the cells', while a Lancashire kennel hand was given £46,604 after being bitten by a dog.

The payments, dating back to 2006, included £11,500 to a Humberside support worker who injured themselves lifting a bicycle and £17,664 to an employee who "slipped on a brick".

The size of payments to an officer who was "spiked" on his own radio and an employee whose hand was injured while "removing a file" was not disclosed.

Greater Manchester Police made the greatest sum of payments, totalling £2.58m, followed by Hertfordshire Police at £1.2m and West Midlands Police at £1.1m.

Makes you proud of Elfandsafety...

Dahn a fair way to one of the countries falling into the Eurozone black hole

The Feast of Corpus Christi is a religious celebration in late May or early June. The occasion is typically marked with a mass and a processional, and, in most cases, not much else. But near Burgos, Spain, the Feast of Corpus Christi is a big deal.

On the day of the Feast of Corpus Christi, the town has its own tradition, called El Colacho.

A man dresses up in a red-adorned yellow jumpsuit representing the devil and carrying a whip and baton soars over as many as a half-dozen dolled-up infants lying on a mattress as their parents and the rest of the town watch. Symbolically, the devil’s leap cleanses the babies of original sin, putting them on the path to a good life and entrance into heaven.





And the chance of a big compo claim if he doesn’t make the distance...

Still in the land of flat brats

 I want one-all I need now is a mate to play it with...

East to the place where they are trying to reduce the population

Chinese soldiers stand in a circle passing an explosive satchel from one man to another, until one of them decides to throw it in a hole just before it explodes.

The lethal game is played by six soldiers standing in a circle with a dug whole in the middle. They pass an explosive satchel from one two another, counting down until it detonates. Just before it explodes, one of the soldiers throws it in the hole and they all leap away as the ground trembles and dirt starts flying from the pit. 

Now there’s a game to play in Parliament…

Over in the land of the stealthy and the home of Roswell

Allegedly The Northrop Grumman B-2 Spirit is an advanced military aircraft that has unique capabilities that are far-ranging. Introduced in 1997 (with an alleged first flight in 1989) there are just 22 of them in the world. They incorporate low observable stealth technology. Some have speculated that they may even utilize anti-gravity technologies or that they possess other exotic features that are kept from public view.

But it may not always be possible to keep such features from outside detection. One officially released film of the B-2 Bomber in flight that is very “revealing” may have somehow escaped the scrutiny of US Air Force censors. A recently-discovered segment of this video appears to show another of the B-2 Stealth’s capabilities: The ability to Morph.

The brief clip seems to demonstrate the craft’s “morph” of the metal skin of its outer hull. This would allow it to “intelligently” perform critical functions (and perhaps to “self-heal” if damaged by enemy action.)

Apparently it’s the back of the vents on the top of the wings at the front -about 2.40 mins.

Smokin....

And finally: 

Still in the land of fast food

A pair of US Numptys artists have recreated a series of classic artworks using nothing more than the ingredients for their lunch.

Brittany Powell and Tae Kitakata -- who plan to create a new art project every Monday in 2012 -- came up with the idea of replicating the works on a slice of bread.

As such the pair spent a morning turning toast into works inspired by the likes of Piet Mondrian, Damien Hirst, Jackson Pollock and Mark Rothko.

The Mondrian-esque grid system lunch used rectangles of cheese and a leaf of basil while the spotty Hirst one consists of blobs of mustard and ketchup.

 Yeah right....

That’s it: I’m orf to uninstall PC anywhere.

And today’s thought:

Angus

Catch! McDonalds gets Mc Stuffed, Misspelt Senator, China Saucer and Computer crashes

Sitting here in the dark this morning, it is drizzling and warm, so it looks like the radiator won’t be going into the car then. My young lady is coming to cut my hair today, and yes I know I said that last week but I got the wrong week, as I did with my dentist appointment which is on Thursday, I told you I had a very bad memory.


No dee-daws today, but I do have a magpie in the garden which is making enough noise to shatter a glass.



First up:

Lucky boy

A six-year-old boy survived a 70ft fall from an apartment balcony in Sweden after he was caught by a passer-by.

Rescue workers had been trying to pull the youngster back into the seventh floor flat in Gothenburg when he plunged to the ground into the arms of Lars Gunnarsson who'd stopped to watch the drama.

Police spokeswoman Pia Goksoyr said officers had seen the boy dangling from the window and rushed to help him but had been unable to reach him in time.

But Ms Goksoyr said the boy's life was saved as the man managed to catch him and break his fall.

She said: "The man saw the boy hanging from the window and tried to catch him. He caught him and broke the fall and probably saved his life. But the boy was still hurt and is being treated in hospital."

A spokesman for Sahlgrenska's Queen Silvia Children's Hospital in Gothenburg said: "His condition isn't life threatening."

Ms Goksoyr added: "It may be that the boy shut himself in his room to be by himself and the parents outside the door in the apartment were unaware of what had happened."



No excuse.

What's in a name?

McDonalds lost an eight-year trademark battle against a Malaysian curry restaurant after the country's highest court allowed the latter to use the prefix 'Mc'.

Malaysia's Federal Court dismissed an application by McDonald's Corporation to appeal against an earlier Appeals Court judgement which allowed McCurry to use the prefix.

Chief Judge of Malaya Ariffin Zakaria, reading the verdict of the three-person Federal Court in the administrative capital, said McDonald's had failed to properly frame its questions when applying to challenge the Appeals Court's earlier verdict.

"It is unfortunate that we have to dismiss the application with costs," Ariffin said.

McCurry, which is short for "Malaysian Chicken Curry," serves Malaysian staples including fish head curry, according to the company website (www.mccurryrecipe.com).

"We feel great that this eight-year legal battle is finally over, and we can now go ahead with whatever we plan to do such as opening new branches," McCurry owner P. Suppiah told Reuters after the court decision.

Oh good that means that all the people with “Mc” in their names are safe from persecution from the big boys.

Money Matters

Over the pond Family First Senator Steve Fielding has stumbled while trying to clarify his views on the economy.

Senator Fielding has frequently recently mispronounced "fiscal policy" as "physical policy".

Speaking to journalists this morning he was questioned about the mispronunciation.

"I'll make it quite clear: fiscal, F-I-S-K-A-L," he spelt.

The journalist repeated his misspelling, at which point Senator Fielding corrected himself.
"F-I-S-C-A-L. Yeah, fiscal."

Senator Fielding has argued against a Greens push for a Senate hearing into the stimulus spending, saying it would only be worthwhile if Reserve Bank governor Glenn Stevens appeared as well as Treasury secretary Ken Henry.

He has argued it is important to consider both monetary and fiscal policy.

“S: (adj) fiscal, financial (involving financial matters) "fiscal responsibility"”

Read and digest Steve, I suppose that counts as a Numpty for the day.

Chinese puzzle

The UFO world is alive with speculation that China is about to reveal details of startling and detailed footage of an unidentified flying object taken during the solar eclipse on July 22.

Scientists at the Purple Mountain Observatory in Nanjing are reported to have confirmed that they filmed a UFO during the eclipse for 40 minutes. They say that they will spend the next 12 months studying the footage before drawing any conclusions.

The incident follows a series of UFO sightings in China which culminated in an object being captured on film by students in Deqing. The footage, which was featured on Chinese television, appears to show the object repeatedly changing shape after initially appearing as a glowing blue sphere.

It's an under inflated weather balloon; or is it?

And finally:

Churchill says "Oh NO"

Computer engineers topped the list of those professions making the most accident claims in the last three years, according to figures from Churchill Car Insurance.

The second most-claiming professionals were sales managers, followed by chefs, students and doctors.

In contrast, farmers had the best road safety records based on claims made, followed by aircraft fitters, stores personnel and ambulance drivers.

Tony Chilcott, head of Churchill Car Insurance, said: ''The poorer claims experience associated with computer engineers, sales managers, chefs and doctors most likely reflects the long hours they work in a very stressful job. As a result, they are more likely to be tired when driving and possibly distracted.

''Estate agents make lots of journeys in their cars during the day – dashing to see clients in urban areas and often parking wherever they can when they arrive.''

He went on: ''Conversely, those who have jobs which involve working outdoors or who drive for a living tend to have fewer accidents.

''Farmers have a lower claims frequency because they live and work in rural areas with less congestion, which are likely to be more tranquil to work in than a stressful office environment.''

Churchill's top 10 most frequently claiming occupations are:

1. Computer engineer
2. Sales manager
3. Chef
4. Student
5. Doctor
6. Estate agent
7. Surveyor
8. Customer adviser
9. Hairdresser
10. Social worker

So tell your insurer you are a social worker if you want the lowest premiums, nobody will like you but money talks.


Angus

AnglishLit

Angus Dei-NHS-THE OTHER SIDE

Angus Dei politico

That sinking feeling, Pride goeth...., Wal-Mart slapper, Jumbo firemen, Nippon this UFO and It’s a bleedin dog

It seems that the summer has gone, remember that hot week in June? That was it, the mornings are getting darker and winter draws on (well mine are anyway).

The other happening is that Wacko Jacko has finally been buried, well not buried but “Vaulted” no, not jumped over but put in a crypt, let’s hope it isn’t the same one the cat crept into. Oh yes in a twist his family was late for the funeral.


First up:

Rocky robbers

From Kansas: Two men attempting to steal landscaping rocks were foiled when the load shifted and their truck sank into the Arkansas River.

Lt. Guy Schroeder said the brown Ford Explorer was backed up to the river next to the Keeper of the Plains sculpture in Wichita just before 1:20 a.m. Thursday while the men loaded limestone landscaping rocks into the truck, The Wichita Eagle reported Thursday.

Schroeder said the load shifted once the men had 12 rocks inside, causing the truck to roll backward into the river.

Investigators said an address linked to the truck is apparently in the process of front yard landscaping. Police said no arrests have yet been made, but they have identified a 45-year-old suspect.

Source: United Press International


Would that make these Numptys Wichita rockmen?

Dutch Numptys

Police proudly announced Wednesday that they’d found more than 47,000 cannabis plants, with an estimated street value of nearly C4.5 million ($6.45 million) concealed in a corn field in the Flevoland province east of Amsterdam.

They mowed down half the plants only to be informed they were the property of Wageningen University and Research Centre, a respected agricultural school.

The field contained a new strain of hemp that researchers hope can be a sustainable source of fibber, Simon Vink, a spokesman for the executive board of Wageningen University and Research Centre, said Thursday.

Hemp plants are related to marijuana but have only trace elements of THC, the mind-altering chemical that cannabis contains.

“The street value from a drug point of view is less than zero,” Vink said.

They should be strung up (hemp-string?) please yourselves.

Don't do it

STONE MOUNTAIN, Ga. (AP) — Police say a 61-year-old man annoyed with a crying 2-year-old girl at a Wal-Mart slapped the child several times after warning the toddler’s mother to keep her quiet.

A police report says after the stranger hit the girl at least four times, he said: “See, I told you I would shut her up.”

Roger Stephens of Stone Mountain is charged with felony cruelty to children. It was unclear if he had an attorney and a telephone call to his home Wednesday was unanswered.

Authorities say the girl and her mother were shopping Monday when the toddler began crying. The police report says Stephens approached the mother and said, “If you don’t shut that baby up, I will shut her up for you.”

Authorities say after Stephens slapped the girl, she began screaming.

I know the feeling.

Coney Island scrubbers

A fire-fighters union says a New York City engine company had to close its firehouse for 30 minutes to bathe a circus elephant on city orders.

The Uniformed Fire-fighters Association says Brooklyn's Engine Company 245 didn't want to participate in the photo opportunity with circus elephant Suzie, part of the Ringling Bros. and Barnum & Bailey show in Coney Island. But it says city officials ordered the engine company to participate.

The firehouse closed Wednesday while four fire-fighters and an officer went to scrub Suzie. About 10 fire-fighters stayed behind.

The fire department says fire-fighters were only supposed to spray the elephant when it walked by the firehouse and weren't ordered to close. It says closing the firehouse was a mistake.

It hasn't said if any emergency calls came in while the firehouse was closed.

Wonder if they do cars?

Out of this world

Japan's next prime minister might be nicknamed "The Alien", but it is his wife who claims to have had a close encounter with another world.

"While my body was asleep, I think my soul rode on a triangular-shaped UFO and went to Venus," Miyuki Hatoyama, the wife of premier-in-waiting Yukio Hatoyama, wrote in a book published last year.

"It was a very beautiful place and it was really green."

Yukio Hatoyama is due to be voted in as premier on September 16 following his party's crushing election victory over the long-ruling Liberal Democratic Party on Sunday.

Ms Miyuki, 66, described the extraterrestrial experience, which she said took place some 20 years ago, in a book entitled "Very Strange Things I've Encountered".

When she awoke, Japan's next first lady wrote, she told her now ex-husband that she had just been to Venus. He advised her that it was probably just a dream.

Or should the header read-“On another planet?”

And finally:

Oh no it isn't

Two men in Texas believe they may have discovered the body of a chupacabra – a mythical beast rumoured to suck all the blood out of its prey.

Lynn Butler, a taxidermist, says that he found the mystery creature's corpse in a chicken barn three months ago, the morning after an unseen predator was heard running amok.

While it’s hairless, leathery body and pointed muzzle resemble a dog with severe mange, other animal experts who have inspected the corpse have suggested it may be a chupacabra, a predator first sighted in Puerto Rico in 1995.

"To be honest, I don't know what it is. I'd probably say it's a freak-of-nature coyote, or a hybrid breed with a genetic mutation," he told the Los Angeles Times .

"It has a little fuzz around the feet. Almost like little socks of fur. And there's a little hair up the backbone. Very odd-looking," he added. "The hairlessness is sinister because you can see the bones protruding at the hips.

"People say there's a mythical beast and I have one. I'll call it chupacabra because people love it, but I don't know what it is."

Mr. Ayer says that he does not want to develop a reputation as a crank, but says he has pleased that widespread interest in the find – he has been interviewed by CNN and other US networks – has increased the profile of his business, Blanco Taxidermy School.

The last cryptozoology sensation to attract international attention followed the claim by two Georgia residents to have discovered the body of Bigfoot last year. They subsequently confessed that photos produced as "proof" of their find actually showed a rubber ape costume.

Sorry guys but it is a bleeding dog, a dog with no hair but a dog.

Angus

AnglishLit

Angus Dei-NHS-THE OTHER SIDE

Angus Dei politico

GOOD GRIEF!

Fancy a snack?

A former steel worker from East London has secured his place in the record books by moving 17kg of live maggots from one container to another - in his mouth.

Charlie Bell smashed the one-hour record for transporting maggots, but admitted afterwards that "It was disgusting".

The record-breaker told The Sun: "I've been practicing at home with rice for months, but until that day I'd never had a mouth full of maggots.

"I didn't realise that they would smell so revolting", he added. "It was like putting my head down a filthy public toilet. I was gagging and heaving violently but I was determined to do it."



Can you find Wally?

Friendly Aliens Ananova - UFO 'saved Earth' A Russian scientist has claimed that an alien spaceship sacrificed itself to prevent a gigantic meteor from destroying earth a century ago.

According to the Sun, Dr Yuri Labvin, head of the Tunguska Spatial Phenomenon Foundation, has found quartz slabs with strange markings that he thinks were part of a UFO control panel.

He made the discovery near the site of the so-called "Tunguska event" - a massive and so-far unexplained explosion that devastated more than 100 square miles of Siberian forest in June 1908.

Dr Labvin claims the slabs provide evidence that a spacecraft deliberately crashed into the meteor to prevent it slamming into Earth and wiping out life on the planet.

"We don't have any technologies that can print such kind of drawings on crystals," he explains. "We also found ferrum silicate that can not be produced anywhere, except in space."

However, Nick Pope, a British UFOlogist who has investigated sightings on behalf of the Ministry of Defence, remains unconvinced.

While previous explanations for the explosion include a comet strike or a piece of anti-matter, he told the paper, "This new theory is the strangest yet.

"We need an analysis of the quartz slabs to be able to prove this one way or another."

Shame they didn’t stick around.

Ananova - Books of few words Tim Collins, author of The Little Book Of Twitter, has transformed them into 140 characters, reports The Sun.

They include Shakespeare's Hamlet which becomes: 'Danish guy's mum marries his murdered father's brother. He sees his dad's ghost. Everyone dies. Fail.'

Great Expectations, by Charles Dickens, is rewritten as: 'Orphan given £££ by secret follower. He thinks it's @misshavisham but it turns out to be @magwitch.'

Wuthering Heights by Jane Austin becomes the pithy: 'Catherine Earnshaw marries Edgar Linton but really loves Heathcliff *sigh*.'

James Joyce's Ulysses is reduced to: 'Man walks around Dublin. We follow every minute detail of his day. He's probably overtweeting.'

Collins has also had a go at some modern best-sellers like Dan Brown's The Da Vince Code: 'Professor of symbology tries to solve a murder by following clues around touristy locations in Europe. Very few paragraphs are longer than tweets.'

And he cleverly manages to transform both Jane Austin's Pride and Prejudice and Helen Fielding's Bridget Jones' Diary into the same 18 words.

They are: 'Woman meets man called Darcy who seems horrible. He turns out to be nice really. They get together.'

Here’s a book on politics:

Greedy bastards taking our money, no conscience, sack the lot.

More money than sense

A London couple travelled nearly 4,000 miles to the US state of Michigan adopt a cat.
Rose and Chris Rasmussen flew to Harrison to adopt Sparky the cat from the Clare County animal shelter, reports the Daily Telegraph.

The Rasmussens discovered Sparky on Petfinder.com, a pet adoption website.
They could have had him shipped to the London suburb where they live, but instead decided to make the journey to adopt their new pet.

"He took me here on the other side of the Atlantic," Rose Rasmussen said. "I thought they would say, 'You guys are completely mad'."

Paperwork, a rabies vaccination, a six-month quarantine and other formalities followed before Sparky was cleared to depart for Britain.

Dave Gendregske, the animal control director for the county, said: "A lot of people would ask, 'Why come from England?' When people meet Sparky, find he has a dynamic personality, they fall in love with him."

I didn’t know there was a shortage of cats in the UK.

And finally:

Blooming marvellous

A stunning 100-year-old wisteria on a house in Dorset is attracting visitors from all over Britain.
Alison Halliday is celebrating a bumper crop of the flower covering her home in the village of Uploders, near Bridport.

With blossoms measuring four foot long, experts think they might be the biggest in the country.
The climbing plant is of such importance to the village as a whole that locals often gather when Alison prunes it - to ensure the job is done correctly.

Alison and her husband John run their four bedroom cottage, which they have owned for 10 years, as a bed and breakfast.

They have people come from all over the country to admire their wisteria.

The couple are signed up to the National Garden Scheme, and will open their land for the public to visit on May 23.

Don’t tell the local MP.


"People who think by the inch and talk by the yard deserve to be kicked by the foot."-Anon


Angus

NHS Behind the headlines

Angus Dei politico

Angus Dei-NHS-THE OTHER SIDE

HOW ODD! OR NOT!

First up, something I agree with completely-Olympian: Bikinis better for volleyball - UPI.com

A three-time Olympian from California says the two-piece bikinis sported by many beach volleyball players are more than fashion, they're function.

Holly McPeak, 39, who brought home the bronze from the 2004 Olympic Games in Athens, Greece, said players are given the option of wearing a more modest one-piece uniform but that choice comes with some uncomfortable side-effects, ABC News reported Monday.

"When you dive, the sand goes down the top and collects in the bottom," she said.

Absolutely, there’s nothing worse than sand in the bottom.




The end of the world-Many Dutch prepare for 2012 apocalypse - UPI.com Thousands of people in the Netherlands say they expect the world to end in 2012, and many say they are taking precautions to prepare for the apocalypse.

The Dutch-language de Volkskrant newspaper said it spoke to thousands of believers in the impending end of civilization, and while theories on the supposed catastrophe varied, most tied the 2012 date to the end of the Mayan calendar, Radio Netherlands reported Monday.

De Volkskrant said many of those interviewed are stocking up on emergency supplies, including life rafts and other equipment.

Some who spoke to the newspaper were optimistic about the end of civilization.
"You know, maybe it's really not that bad that the Netherlands will be destroyed," Petra Faile said. "I don't like it here anymore. Take immigration, for example. They keep letting people in. And then we have to build more houses, which makes the Netherlands even heavier. The country will sink even lower, which will make the flooding worse."


OK, but just one question, if the world is going to end in 2012 why are they stocking up on food?




Are we alone?- UFO’s Hit Romanian Plane The Romanian Defense Ministry has confirmed that a fighter plane was struck by four unidentified flying objects and released a video of the incident.
The ministry said the MIG 21 Lancer fighter plane was struck by the objects during an Oct. 31, 2007, check flight but was able to land safely, Hotnews.ro reported Friday.
Lt. Col. Nicolae Grigorie said a video recorded by cameras onboard the plane depicts "two solid bodies, which are not translucid."

Grigorie said authorities are working to determine what the objects could have been.
"They couldn't be birds because there are no birds in Europe able to fly so high. And they couldn't be ice bodies because it was a clear sky -- neither could they be pieces of another plane or a meteor," he said.

He said the government has ruled out rocket launches and ground artillery fires as causes of the incident.



Men: do not read this-nutless nut job A Minnesota man has learned an important lesson: If you want your testicles removed, leave it to the professionals.

St. Paul police are looking for two or three people Russell Daniel Angus hired to remove his testicles a couple of weeks ago after medical professionals refused to do it, the Star Tribune in Minneapolis reported Tuesday. The 62-year-old man, whose testicles were causing him chronic pain, had the procedure done in a makeshift operating room in his home.

According to authorities, Angus was unconscious during the surgery but awoke to find himself bleeding profusely from the groin area and those responsible gone, the Minneapolis newspaper reported. He called his daughter and she, in turn, called for help.

Angus isn't telling police who the mystery surgeons are because he doesn't want them to get in trouble. His wife only told police her husband spends a lot of time on the Internet and their daughter told them she didn't want them searching his house. Police had to get a search warrant to look through the home.


Makes my eyes water just hinking about it, by the way he is no relation.





Shortage of bees not here A Miami beekeeper said he removed the second largest hive he has encountered in his 20-year career -- about 3 million bees -- from a home.

Beekeeper Adrian Valero said he was called to remove the hive after three people in the area were stung by the bees, which residents of the house said had been around for about a year, WSVN-TV, Miami, reported Wednesday.

Valero said it was not surprising that the bees had stung locals.
"These are Italian bees," he said. "They are a little bit aggressive if you bother them too much."

The beekeeper said the hive, which was large enough to produce 60 pounds of honey, was moved to a bee farm far from the neighborhood.

Italian eh? Bloody immigrants!




And finally:- Woman kept robber as sex slave - UPI.com Russian police said a female hairdresser was arrested for allegedly keeping an unsuccessful armed robber bound as a sex slave for two days.

Web site Life.ru quoted police as saying the 32-year-old man entered the hair salon at about 5 p.m. March 14, brandished a gun and demanded money from workers and customers, The Moscow Times reported Wednesday.

However, the 28-year-old hairdresser, who had martial arts training, disarmed the man and bound him using hair-dryer cord.

Police told Life.ru that the woman then allegedly kept the man gagged and handcuffed to a radiator for 48 hours. She is accused of forcing him to take Viagra and forcing him to have sex with her multiple times.

The woman let her prisoner go March 16 and he went to police after seeking treatment for injuries to his genitals.

The Web site said the man filed a complaint asking for the hairdresser to be brought up on charges for "actions of a sexual nature." The woman filed a complaint the next day seeking armed robbery charges against the man.

"I don't know what's going to happen now," Life.ru quoted a police source as saying. "We could put both of them behind bars: him for robbery, her for rape and assault."


It just goes to show, hairdressers are armed with lethal weapons, and little blue pills.


“Success is how high you bounce when you hit bottom.” General George Patton

Angus

NHS Behind the headlines

Angus Dei politico

NHS-THE OTHER SIDE

SATURDAY SNIPPETS

I am late posting today because it rained yesterday and BT, crap that it is, is unable to maintain my internet connection (again), and Microsoft is SHIT, because it managed to download an “update” that has ballsed up my logon, so that I can only access the “administrator” user instead of my own logon, and won’t let me delete the “new” administrator logon it created just to annoy, which it has.

Anyway:

Up first is the news on those ugly little smart cars with a 12ft mast topped with a “zoom” camera in Manchester to catch those of us that driving “while distracted” by doing things such as tuning the radio, eating, or driving “without due care and attention” BBC NEWS.

I agree that speeding or using a mobile phone while driving or not wearing a seatbelt is dangerous and should be “punished” but what next-picking your nose at a traffic light, or perhaps talking to a passenger or maybe screaming at the kids fighting in the back will be considered a crime by the SS Traffic Police, we already have more than enough speed cameras, and traffic patrols are there to nick the “phoners” and seat belt avoiders, so why are the Police, who are there to catch criminals and protect us from danger using zoom cameras to see what we do in the privacy of our cars.

And the worst bit is that you are not told about it at the time, but the fine comes through the post.

It seems the time is upon us when the final private space we have-our vehicles is no longer sacrosanct, the only way to avoid being fined is to not have any passengers, tune the radio before we set out, don’t put the kids in the cars, have something to eat and drink before getting into our cars blow your nose before you set out and don’t take your eyes off the road to wonder what those ugly little smart cars with a 12 ft mast on top with a zoom camera are doing.




From the The Register The BBC has been fined £150,000 over the Manuelgate scandal, Ofcom has confirmed.

On 18 October last year, Radio 2 broadcast a show featuring Russell Brand and Jonathan Ross in which they rang actor Andrew Sachs and left messages on his ansafone which boasted that Brand had slept with the Fawlty Towers vet's granddaughter, Georgina Baillie.

On 18 October last year, Radio 2 broadcast a show featuring Russell Brand and Jonathan Ross in which they rang actor Andrew Sachs and left messages on his ansafone which boasted that Brand had slept with the Fawlty Towers vet's granddaughter, Georgina Baillie.

The full adjudication can be found here (pdf)


Errr, excuse me but who has been fined? The money comes from our license fee, why not fine Brand and “Woss” they are the cause of it.





From the The Sun Googles street view is causing more than concerns about privacy,

A FLEET of UFOs in formation has been photographed — on Google.

The nine silver spheres hover above a row of shops, including Coral bookies, on the internet giant’s new Street View service.

Sun reader Faye Sharpe, 18, discovered them while viewing her neighbourhood of Wolverley Street in Bethnal Green, East London.

Faye said: “I was checking out the road to see if I could spot my mates. I thought it looked very strange and zoomed in.

Take a look UFO fleet menaces east London they certainly aren’t weather balloons.




Another tale about BT my favourite telecom company- The Register NHS Connecting for Health has agreed that BT will take responsibility for the Cerner Millennium installations at eight acute trusts in the south of England.

The NHS National Programme for IT has lacked a local service provider in the south of England since CfH fired Fujitsu in May 2008.

"BT can confirm it has signed a contract to take over the running of IT systems at eight acute trusts in the south of England as part of its NHS national programme work," said the company.

"This takeover was not unexpected," said Victor Almeida, a senior analyst at Kable. "BT is currently implementing a version of Cerner in the London cluster and thus is best positioned to run the sites.

"The big question is what will happen to the remaining trusts in the South, "he added. "Will they opt for BT, will they resort to Lorenzo software provided by the CSC Alliance in the North, where there are several out-of-cluster agreements within the NPfIT, or will they wait for offers from new software suppliers?"

Who cares? If it rains it won’t work anyway.

And finally:

Whatever you do DON’T read this: Bloggers could squeak out of court reporting restrictions it seems that bloggers might be able to escape reporting restrictions on sensitive court cases because they have not been informed of the restrictions.

An ongoing case about a boy said to have fathered a child at 12 years of age has highlighted the issue.

Reporting on that case has been restricted but foreign news outlets have carried stories about it, with versions of those stories appearing on websites accessible from the UK.

Some bloggers have picked up the stories and may be within their rights to publish while national newspapers cannot. The court order imposing the reporting restrictions says that it only applies to people who know about the restriction.

There is no central database of reporting restrictions, so while newspapers are informed of restrictions, bloggers generally are not, opening a legal loophole for their possible publishing of restricted information.


You didn’t read it did you? Good because ignorance is bliss, or blogs.



"Never attribute to malice that which can be adequately explained by stupidity." Hanlon’s razor


Angus

NHS Behind the headlines

Angus Dei politico

NHS-THE OTHER SIDE