GOOD GRIEF!

Fancy a snack?

A former steel worker from East London has secured his place in the record books by moving 17kg of live maggots from one container to another - in his mouth.

Charlie Bell smashed the one-hour record for transporting maggots, but admitted afterwards that "It was disgusting".

The record-breaker told The Sun: "I've been practicing at home with rice for months, but until that day I'd never had a mouth full of maggots.

"I didn't realise that they would smell so revolting", he added. "It was like putting my head down a filthy public toilet. I was gagging and heaving violently but I was determined to do it."



Can you find Wally?

Friendly Aliens Ananova - UFO 'saved Earth' A Russian scientist has claimed that an alien spaceship sacrificed itself to prevent a gigantic meteor from destroying earth a century ago.

According to the Sun, Dr Yuri Labvin, head of the Tunguska Spatial Phenomenon Foundation, has found quartz slabs with strange markings that he thinks were part of a UFO control panel.

He made the discovery near the site of the so-called "Tunguska event" - a massive and so-far unexplained explosion that devastated more than 100 square miles of Siberian forest in June 1908.

Dr Labvin claims the slabs provide evidence that a spacecraft deliberately crashed into the meteor to prevent it slamming into Earth and wiping out life on the planet.

"We don't have any technologies that can print such kind of drawings on crystals," he explains. "We also found ferrum silicate that can not be produced anywhere, except in space."

However, Nick Pope, a British UFOlogist who has investigated sightings on behalf of the Ministry of Defence, remains unconvinced.

While previous explanations for the explosion include a comet strike or a piece of anti-matter, he told the paper, "This new theory is the strangest yet.

"We need an analysis of the quartz slabs to be able to prove this one way or another."

Shame they didn’t stick around.

Ananova - Books of few words Tim Collins, author of The Little Book Of Twitter, has transformed them into 140 characters, reports The Sun.

They include Shakespeare's Hamlet which becomes: 'Danish guy's mum marries his murdered father's brother. He sees his dad's ghost. Everyone dies. Fail.'

Great Expectations, by Charles Dickens, is rewritten as: 'Orphan given £££ by secret follower. He thinks it's @misshavisham but it turns out to be @magwitch.'

Wuthering Heights by Jane Austin becomes the pithy: 'Catherine Earnshaw marries Edgar Linton but really loves Heathcliff *sigh*.'

James Joyce's Ulysses is reduced to: 'Man walks around Dublin. We follow every minute detail of his day. He's probably overtweeting.'

Collins has also had a go at some modern best-sellers like Dan Brown's The Da Vince Code: 'Professor of symbology tries to solve a murder by following clues around touristy locations in Europe. Very few paragraphs are longer than tweets.'

And he cleverly manages to transform both Jane Austin's Pride and Prejudice and Helen Fielding's Bridget Jones' Diary into the same 18 words.

They are: 'Woman meets man called Darcy who seems horrible. He turns out to be nice really. They get together.'

Here’s a book on politics:

Greedy bastards taking our money, no conscience, sack the lot.

More money than sense

A London couple travelled nearly 4,000 miles to the US state of Michigan adopt a cat.
Rose and Chris Rasmussen flew to Harrison to adopt Sparky the cat from the Clare County animal shelter, reports the Daily Telegraph.

The Rasmussens discovered Sparky on Petfinder.com, a pet adoption website.
They could have had him shipped to the London suburb where they live, but instead decided to make the journey to adopt their new pet.

"He took me here on the other side of the Atlantic," Rose Rasmussen said. "I thought they would say, 'You guys are completely mad'."

Paperwork, a rabies vaccination, a six-month quarantine and other formalities followed before Sparky was cleared to depart for Britain.

Dave Gendregske, the animal control director for the county, said: "A lot of people would ask, 'Why come from England?' When people meet Sparky, find he has a dynamic personality, they fall in love with him."

I didn’t know there was a shortage of cats in the UK.

And finally:

Blooming marvellous

A stunning 100-year-old wisteria on a house in Dorset is attracting visitors from all over Britain.
Alison Halliday is celebrating a bumper crop of the flower covering her home in the village of Uploders, near Bridport.

With blossoms measuring four foot long, experts think they might be the biggest in the country.
The climbing plant is of such importance to the village as a whole that locals often gather when Alison prunes it - to ensure the job is done correctly.

Alison and her husband John run their four bedroom cottage, which they have owned for 10 years, as a bed and breakfast.

They have people come from all over the country to admire their wisteria.

The couple are signed up to the National Garden Scheme, and will open their land for the public to visit on May 23.

Don’t tell the local MP.


"People who think by the inch and talk by the yard deserve to be kicked by the foot."-Anon


Angus

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