Scraping the bottom of the barrel: Another Ronery Lunatic: Fermented sawdust: Topless feminists: Loads of Sharks: and a Great white with a blonde.

Usual lack of warm, quite a lot of ex skywater, no atmospheric movement and endless amounts of misty stuff at the Castle this morn, after it chucked it dahn Wednesday dark thing and Thursday light thing the interweb thingy went tits up-again which gave me the time to back up the computers and uninstall some no longer used programmes.

 

And Blogger is doing some really strange things with the formatting.

 

And as the annual snatch do-dah is imminent

The word is that “they” are thinking of even more ways to make us poorer, this time it seems that we old farts may be the next target for the Piss Poor Policies of the Millionaires Club Coalition.

Allegedly the ex Eton Wall Game gang may be thunking about freezing not up rating by 1%, all benefits for two years, including disability living allowance and pensions to raise around £9bn, and another idea that has been worked on is taxing benefits. Official Treasury numbers seen by Newsnight show that taxing child benefit would raise £1.5bn, taxing DLA £800m and if you taxed the Winter Fuel Payment (which Vince Cable advocated on Thursday), you would raise £200m.

 

Back in 2010 U-Turn Cam gave these “pledges”

DAVID CAMERON'S PLEDGE TO PENSIONERS

The Government I lead will make sure that older and retired people are treated with dignity and given the quality of life they deserve. This is my pledge to support pensioners.

My Government will:

Increase the value of the basic state pension for all pensioners and help to stop the spread of the means test by linking pensions to earnings. You won’t get a repeat of Labour’s mean 75p rise with us.

Freeze council tax for the next two years, in partnership with your council.

Make it worthwhile to save for a personal pension and get rid of the rules that force people to get a compulsory annuity.

Help people protect their home rather than have to sell it to pay for care.

Take all family homes worth less than £1 million out of inheritance tax.

Increase spending on the NHS every year, which is our number one priority.

Cut paperwork so we get more police out on the beat fighting crime.

Our opponents are trying to scare older people by telling deliberate lies about our plans. So here is a personal promise, from me, about the things we will protect.

I will protect your Winter Fuel Payment.

I will protect your free bus pass and your free TV licence.

I will protect the pension credit.

These vital benefits will not be cut under the Conservatives. You have my word on it.

If he wins the election, Gordon Brown wants to introduce a number of measures which will hit pensioners. A Conservative Government will not penalise pensioners, as Labour are planning to do:

We will NOT introduce a ‘death tax’ of up to £50,000.

We will NOT cut attendance allowance and disability allowance for the over 65s.

 

Discuss...

 

East to the land of the Norf bit of Korea

Apparently Kim Jong-Un is following in his father’s footsteps, and has vowed to scrap all peace pacts with the South after the United Nations imposed tough new sanctions on the country.

The news agency KCNA said he talked of "all-out war" during the visit - and quoted him as telling troops to "make the first gunfire" in response to any attack.

He said the slightest provocation would result in his immediate order for a "great advance" along the frontline, the agency reported.

China, North Korea's only major ally, said it wanted the sanctions to be implemented in full. It agreed to the restrictions after three weeks of negotiations.

 

The ronery little madman went on to say:

The Democratic People's Republic of Korea (North Korea) will make a strike of justice at any target, anytime as it pleases without limit.

"(We) have everything - including lighter and smaller nukes.

"The US imperialists and their allies should not forget even for a moment that they are standing at the crossroads of their life and death.

"(We) will exercise our right to a pre-emptive nuclear attack to destroy the strongholds of the aggressor.

 

Still not taking the tablets then....

 

Dahn a bit to the place where radiation has had no effect on the population

 

The latest thing to make your irradiated skin glow is fermented sawdust baths, “As your body is engulfed in sawdust at a temperature of around 40 degrees Celsius, the body is warmed from the core. This activates your internal organs, apparently optimizing metabolism, increasing your immune strength, and improving circulation. It’s also great for easing constipation and even insomnia. The dry sawdust also promotes the release of sweat without clogging your pores where excess dirt and sebum from your skin is also washed away.”

 

Lovely-wouldn’t want to be the second, or third, or fourth sucker to get in... 

 

Left a whimsy to the Sarf bit of Africa (and even more left to the Sarf bit of America)

Ukrainian feminist group Femen are taking their topless protests around the world, "This year we hope to cover North Africa and South America," said one of Femen's leaders, Anna Gutsol.

The group, which was founded in 2008, came up with the idea of its topless protests almost by accident.

During a demonstration in 2009, Femen activists decorated their backs with slogans and bared them at photographers.

The pictures were a hit, leading the women to come up with an even more outrageous way to get their views across.

Since they turned to face the cameras, the international media - always keen on eye-catching stunts - has given them lavish coverage.

Femen's first moment of glory came in 2010 on the day of Ukraine's tense presidential elections.

Four young women boldly undressed in a polling station just before the arrival of presidential candidate Viktor Yanukovych.

Recently the group has shifted its activism to Western European countries.



Wonder when they are coming to Blighty...I could do with a day out...



  

West to the bit of the States where it is nice and warm

Beaches along the south Florida coast have been shut after thousands of migrating sharks were spotted close to the shore.

Swimmers were ordered out of the water after the sharks - mostly blacktips and spinners - moved into the area as they head north during their annual migration.

Craig Pollock, a lifeguard supervisor in Palm Beach, said: "We don't have a sandbar. A lot of times when we have a sandbar the sharks stay off of the shore a little further.

"Every year we expect annual shark migration to come through this area."

Researchers at Florida Atlantic University said they have counted 15,000 sharks - many as close as 

200 yards from the shore.

Need a lot of chips for that lot...





And talking of big fish that predate

Ocean Ramsey, a shark conservationist based out of Honolulu, swam up to a great white shark to caress the creature and even grab hold of its fin to take a ride through the water. 

An advocate for shark preservation, she released the footage on Valentine's Day as her expression of love for the creatures she fears is misunderstood and at risk of extinction.

She described her dance with the massive animal, saying how in the beginning she watched 'the shark acknowledge and observe me, while I peacefully and calmly allowed it to swim towards me, and then experiencing it accepting my touch, allowing me to dorsal and tail ride,' in her description of the experience. 


'The connection felt as I repeatedly pet and hitched a ride on several of these sharks reminded me of my experience with horses.




Whatever floats you boat-or eats it...



That’s it: I’m orf to shove my Smartphone in the freezer

And today’s thought:

Topless feminist

Angus

Up your pension: Ambo bonus: German Numptys: Pizza cones: and the Runit Dome.

 

Major lack of warm, minor solar stuff, minimum atmospheric movement and sod all skywater at the Castle this morn, just returned from the stale bread (£1.45 per loaf) gruel and his Maj’s food run dahn Tesco, I managed to struggle through the non-blizzard on the non-icy road without freezing to death and return to the non-snowed in Castle safely.

And Blogger still haven’t got their mouse/s out of their arses and sorted out the photo insertion do-dah, I have been fucking about with this post since before 8 of the am.

And it keeps freezing up.

When I got back his Maj showed me what he thought of the news.

 

 

 

Old farts will be hopping with joy 

 

Allegedly there will be a new flat rate pension of £144 plus inflation rises between now and 2017. The current full state pension is £107.45 a week, but can be topped up to £142.70 with pension credit.

At the weekend, the Daily Telegraph reported that more than six million workers would pay higher NI contributions under the shake-up.

Those affected are expected to include around 1.4 million private sector staff enrolled in final salary schemes and contracted out, said the Telegraph. 

The flat-rate pension will be paid only to new pensioners reaching state pension age from a date expected to be 6 April 2017, the government is expected to announce. Millions of existing pensioners, and those who qualify before then, will get their entitlement under the current system.

 

And when does this daft old fart “retire”-17 September 2016.....

 

All across the Smoke

 

 

Apparently emergency service staff is being offered bonuses to avoid sending out 999 ambulances, control room staff have been told they will each receive £250 if they can reduce the number of ambulances sent to 999 calls, by getting callers to rely on another health service like a GP or NHS Direct.

London Ambulance Service, Britain’s largest, is giving out the cash in an attempt to save its ambulances for the most pressing emergencies - and hit national targets for responding on time.

Managers say they are struggling to cope with rising demand, with the number of calls from people seriously ill or injured rising by 14 per cent in the last year.

A spokesman said control room staff would receive the bonus if, on average, they referred 30 per cent of callers deemed to have minor health problems to other health providers, such as out-of-hours GPs, NHS Direct or pharmacists.

Paul Woodrow, director of service delivery for London Ambulance Service, defended the incentive system, saying it was designed to ensure that ambulances were saved for those who needed them most.

He said: “We are incredibly busy and need to make sure we have enough ambulances available for our most seriously ill and injured patients.

 Nice....

 

Orf the Italian island of Giglio 

Coastguards have criticised five German cruise ship passengers who hired an inflatable boat to get a close-up look at the wrecked Costa Concordia liner.

The group, including two children, had to be rescued after their tiny boat was swamped by waves, whipped up by storm force winds. All were suffering from the effects of the cold.

Officials said the party were holidaymakers from the Costa Magica, a cruise liner from the same Costa Cruises fleet as the ill-fated Concordia, which struck rocks last year leaving 32 people dead off the Italian island of Giglio.

The Germans had arrived at Civitavecchia and made their way to Porto Santo Stefano where they hired the boat so they could take a look at the stricken Concordia which is still lying on rocks just outside the entrance to Giglio harbour.

Although they managed to sail the 10 miles from Porto Santo Stefano without any problem, on the return leg the weather suddenly changed and the boat got into difficulties.

But it managed to stay afloat and they were picked up by a coastguard vessel which took them back to the mainland.

Once on dry land, they were given hot drinks and wrapped in thermal blankets and after being given the all-clear by paramedics they were taken back to Civitavecchia where they resumed their cruise ship holiday.

A coastguard spokesman in Porto Santo Stefano said: ''It was a pretty stupid thing to do. They were lucky that it ended as it did - they could have quite easily sunk.

 Shit for brains tossers.....

 

All across blizzard Blighty 

Dags Hofrats, 23, has come up with the Pizza Cone, which costs £2.70 and comes in nine flavours including pepperoni, mushroom and spicy chicken.

Dags said: “It’s very easy to eat, doesn’t make a mess. I love them, and have one every day.”

The cone is made from pizza dough and Dags imports the ingredients from Italy.

He started a trial at Glasgow Caledonian University campus and sold 1,000 in just six weeks. Now he plans to sell them nationwide.

 

Num, num, num.

 

And finally: 

West a fair way and dahn even more 

Photo credit

Enewetak Atoll is a large coral atoll of 40 islands in the Pacific Ocean, located 305 kilometres west from Bikini Atoll, and was a major test bed for nuclear weapons, post World War II. Before Enewetak came under the control of the United States as part of the Trust Territory of the Pacific Islands, it was under the Japanese control that used the atoll as refuelling stop for planes flying between Chuuk Lagoon and the islands to the east. After the capture of Enewetak, it became a major forward naval base for the U.S. Navy. Then the island was evacuated and the nuclear tests began.

Between 1948 and 1958, Enewetak Atoll witnessed 43 such as tests including the first hydrogen bomb test in late 1952 as part of Operation Ivy, which vaporized the islet of Elugelab.

In 1977, an effort to decontaminate the islands of Enewetak began. During the three years that followed, the military mixed more than 111,000 cubic yards (85,000 m3) of contaminated soil and debris from the various islands with Portland cement and buried it in a 30-foot deep, 350-foot wide blast crater on the northern end of the atoll's Runit Island. The crater was created by an 18 kiloton test bomb nicknamed “Cactus” on May 5, 1958. A dome composed of 358 concrete panels, each 18 inches thick, was constructed over the material. The final cost of the cleanup project was $239 million.

After the completion of the dome, the United States government declared the southern and western islands in the atoll safe for habitation in 1980, and residents of Enewetak returned that same year. Today, you can visit the dome and stomp across the surface.

 Or maybe not.......

 That’s it: I’m orf to x-ray my black hole

 

And today’s thought:

Revenge of the snowmen. 

 

 

Angus

Universal Rodney’s: “Art” Dahn Unda: Dream Machine: Shotgun engagements: and the Battersea bless...

Rainy rain, windy wind, warmy warm and invisible solar stuff at the Castle this morn, finally finished the painty coloured stuff on anything that doesn’t move, that is the smallest room, bathroom, landing, stairs, lobby and the kitchen sorted, all I have to do now is put all the bits back that had to be removed and have a cleanup.

 

Up in the place next to the leaning tower of Westminster

 

Apparently the irritable bowel twins plan to introduce “universal benefits” (new benefits system set to replace a number of key current benefits, including some Income Support; Income based Job Seekers Allowance, Housing Benefit and Tax Credits) is causing a bit of a problem, according to an inquiry led by Baroness Tanni Grey-Thompson up to half a million disabled people and their families will be worse off.

Cuts to child disability payments and to support for the most severely disabled are likely to result in people struggling to pay for essentials such as food and heating, says the report which is backed by The Children's Society, Citizens Advice and Disability Rights UK.

Many disabled people who are already finding it difficult to make ends meet face further hardship under the new benefit system, it adds.

The report warns that up to 230,000 severely disabled people who do not have another adult to assist them will get between £28 and £58 less in support every week. It also reveals that 100,000 disabled children stand to lose up to £28 a week, while 116,000 disabled people who work risk losing up to £40 per week from payments towards additional costs of being disabled.

 

Universal Rodney 1

 

And U-Turn Cam’s alien reptile in disguise

Is under fire from the other bit of the non elected Piss Poor Policies Millionaires Club Coalition because son of a B........aronet George (I am looking forward to my massive pay rise) Osborne wants to freeze state benefits for the unemployed and poor from next April to compensate for what he regards as a generous 5.2 per cent increase in benefits in April this year.

What’s his name who is allegedly the deputy Prime Monster is going to “negotiate” with the Chancellor ahead of the statement on 5th December and is expected to argue for most benefits to rise in line with the CPI. 

Universal Rodney 2

 

Which brings me to old farts

The basic state pension will rise by a minimum of just under £2.69 a week or 2.5 per cent next year despite todays lower inflation figures.

The rate of consumer prices index (CPI) inflation in September is traditionally used as a measure to determine next year's benefit increases, and today's figures showed that CPI fell to 2.2% in this month, the lowest level since November 2009.

But under a Government guarantee put in place when it changed the way it calculates state pension increases, pensions must rise by at least 2.5 per cent.

This still works out, however, at around £5.20 less a year for pensioners than if the Government had used the often faster-rising retail price index (RPI) inflation measure, which was previously used to calculate pension rises.

This means an increase of £2.69 a week next year on the current basic state pension for a man or a woman of £107.45 a week.

Or 38p a day...

 

Which won’t even cover the cost of a second class stamp... 

 

Dahn Unda

 

There is an elephant in the room because of the cost of a new bit of “artwork” in Queensland, A statue of an elephant tipped on its head and eyeballing a water rat is the latest artwork to be condemned as an "appalling waste" of money by the Newman Government.

The five-metre high bronzed statue was commissioned for Queensland's Gallery of Modern Art by the ousted Bligh government at a cost of just over $1 million.

Former gallery director Tony Ellwood, who left the state this year, had previously praised the work as "simultaneously contemplative and humorous" and predicted it would become an "enormously popular emblem" for GOMA.

 

No wonder he pissed orf...

 

Left to the big bit of fruit

A couple of scientists have built a sleeping mask designed to allow people to have lucid dreams that they can control.

The Remee has been billed as a special REM (Rapid Eye Movement) enhancing device that is supposed to help steer the sleeper into lucid dreaming by making the brain aware that it is dreaming.

The goal of the product is to allow people to have the dreams of their choice, from driving a race car to flying to having lunch with Abraham Lincoln.

The ‘futuristic’ invention is the brainchild of Duncan Frazier and Steve McGuigan, both aged 30, who have started a company named Bitbanger Labs.

The two friends put up their project on the crowd funding website Kickstarter with the goal of raising $35,000. By this week, more than 6,550 people pledged $572,891 to fund Remee.

The inside of the sleeping mask features a series of six red LED lights that are too faint to wake the sleeper up, but visible enough for the brain to register them.

The lights can be programmed to produce a sequence designed by the user.

McGuigan said that he uses his Remee several times a week, but he admitted that reaching a state of lucidity can be 'hard' and does not happen every time.

Think I’ll wait for the Remee 2, or 3 or maybe 4...

 

Still in the land of the right to bear arms

A jewellery store in Iowa is offering an engaging deal — a free hunting rifle to customers who purchase a wedding engagement ring.

The official promotion rules require a customer to spend at least $1,999 on an engagement ring purchased before October 31, 2012. They will then receive a voucher for a Remington 870 hunting rifle that can be redeemed at local retailer Fin and Feather. A standard Remington 870 can typically be purchased for under $500, those there are more expensive options available, including those with accessories such as scopes. The Remington 870 is typically used for hunting and sport shooting but is also kept by some as a means of home defence. The 870 is also popular with military and police organizations around the world. In the U.S. it is employed by the Military, Secret Service, Coast Guard, Border Patrol, IRS and even the Department of Education.

 

Now, shotguns in the classroom I can understand....

 

And finally:

 

Back in Blighty and up to the place that used to have a power station

An abandoned kitten and puppy at Battersea Dogs & Cats Home have dispelled the age old saying ‘fighting like dogs and cats’ by becoming best friends.

At just weeks old, Buttons the dog and Kitty the cat were both abandoned. Now they are now being hand-reared together at the animal home and have become very close.

In fact the inseparable pair are so close they sleep together, play together and even feed together.

Battersea Veterinary Nurse Sascha Taylor. She says: "Normally we’d hand rear puppies and kittens separately but we thought we could try putting them together as they are both so young.

 

Kitty looks like his Maj.

 

That’s it: I’m orf to get some pirated fish

 

And today’s thought:

I know I put my glasses somewhere.

 

 

Angus

 

“Right time” Leccy: I’m in-not: Bangers and £75: Posh ketchup: Bubble trouble: and Abreast of booze.

Not a lot of lack of cold, less solar stuff, minus amounts of atmospheric movement and a deficit of wet stuff at the Castle this morn.

Decided to do some decorating over the next few days, starting with the smallest room and working my way up to bigger stuff, have invested in one of those “super” pad thingies kit which apparently holds eight times the amount of coloured stuff than a brush and will not drip or splash and will be able to get right up to the edges of walls and ceilings without having to ‘cut in’.

 

We shall see.....

 

According to the Institution of Mechanical Engineers

 

Liquid air can compete with batteries and hydrogen to store excess energy generated from renewables.

IMechE says "wrong-time" electricity generated by wind farms at night can be used to chill air to a cryogenic state at a distant location.

When demand increases, the air can be warmed to drive a turbine.

Engineers say the process to produce "right-time" electricity can achieve an efficiency of up to 70%.

IMechE is holding a conference today to discuss new ideas on how using "cryo-power" can benefit the low-carbon economy.

 

The process follows a number of stages:

"Wrong-time electricity" is used to take in air, remove the CO2 and water vapour (these would freeze otherwise)

The remaining air, mostly nitrogen, is chilled to -190C (-310F) and turns to liquid (changing the state of the air from gas to liquid is what stores the energy)

The liquid air is held in a giant vacuum flask until it is needed

When demand for power rises, the liquid is warmed to ambient temperature. As it vaporizes, it drives a turbine to produce electricity - no combustion is involved

 

Splendiferous, but what will we breathe?

 

After yestermorn’s hype about pensions for all

 

It turns out that Karren Brady, one of the “celebrity bosses” helping to promote these pensions to the nation's workers via a TV advertising campaign, has recently admitted that she does not invest in pensions herself.

 

Ah; the old stuff you I’m alright ploy...

 

At one of the big rubbery man’s starred restaurants

A Michelin-starred ­restaurant is charging £75 for a plate of bangers and mash.

L’Atelier de Joel Robuchon’s dish is 839% dearer than the standard £7.99 but comes with a few added extras.

Its signature mash contains black truffles and has almost as much butter as potatoes.

The sausages are from pigs fed on acorns, wild thyme, rosemary and ­mushrooms, then cooked in a vintage wine worth £75 a bottle.

Olivier Limousin, chef at the restaurant in Central London, said: “Working with this quality of ingredients is a dream come true.

"And putting my stamp on sausages and mash is also a delight.

A pared-down version of the dish is available in a £152 taster menu during Potato Week, from October 1 to 7.

The Potato Council said: “This dish gives a gastronomic twist on a meal most of us enjoy once a fortnight at home.

"But of course you don’t need to add expensive truffle to enjoy this classic.

 

Think I’ll stick to me Cumberland and King Edwards....

 

And staying on the posh grub theme

 

 

Heinz has put its trademark Tomato Ketchup into posh pots so it does not look out of place at fancy dinner parties.

It comes as more of us are eating at home rather than splashing out at restaurants.

But it is thought some hosts are too embarrassed to put the sauce on the table as it is not swanky enough.

Now two new upmarket flavours – Balsamic Vinegar, Basil and Oregano, and Roasted Garlic, Thyme and Honey – will be sold in 300g jars for around £1.80.

They will hit the shelves by the end of the month.

Heinz said: “The new jar is bringing a spoonful of panache to dinner tables.

"It’s been made to add excitement to your favourite meals.

 

Bollocks...

  

East to the land that invented everything

 

A wall of foam sparked widespread panic among locals as it rushed along a river in southern China.

The mass of soapy suds blanketed the water in Xintang, in China's Guangdong province, leading to evacuations along the banks of the river.

But officials have now said the only threat posed by the foam - thought to have been caused by chemicals washed into the river - was the possibility of 'one or two dead fish' lurking in the bubbles.

The bubbles were created when the chemical was swept over a waterfall, officials said.

Rubbery bubbery?

 

And finally:

 

Back to the middle bit of what is left of Europe

German Liquor Company G-Spirits has recently released a limited edition line of vodka, rum and whiskey that are poured down the chests of women before being bottled.

And it will only set you back $150 – $180, depending on the spirit.

 

Worth every dollar, pity I don’t drink…

 

That’s it: I’m orf to try out some MP4OX, well you never know...

 

And today’s thought:

Semi retired.

 

Angus

Half a pension: Begging Olympics: A Lady parking: Free lunch: Knob shoots knob-gets arrested: and the Latte Fiat.

Bassetts allsorts at the Castle this morn, but at least his Maj can venture out to chase the frogs on what used to be the lawn but is now a shallow pond.

Fitted the new keyboard to the laptop yestermorn and to be honest it is better than the original-the letters are bigger and whiter and it has a nice “clicky” action compared to the “soft touch” of the Compaq one.

Late again this Wednesday has stuff to do very early-5am at a place a few miles away and even more to do later which is just as well because after the latest vast amounts of sky water last eve the garden fettle will have to wait yet another few days.

And the interweb thingy is still playing silly buggers.

And belive it or not but I have been trying to put this post together and publish it since 07.30 of the am.....

Apparently pension fund managers are not quite telling the whole truth

It seems that nine out of 10 of the country’s biggest pension fund managers fail to warn people about the levies, which typically wipe more than £100,000 from the value of a middle-class worker’s pension.

The report by the RSA, a think tank, found that workers were routinely denied simple, low-cost pensions that are readily available elsewhere in Europe. Ministers said they were prepared to intervene unless pension funds reduced their fees and became more transparent.

The RSA report found that 21 of the 23 pension funds surveyed failed to inform people about the charges.

David Pitt Watson, one of the biggest company pension fund managers and the author of the report, said the scale of the hidden levies was “extraordinary”.

Otto Thoresen, the director-general of the Association of British Insurers, said: “We agree it is desirable that pension costs become more transparent overall, and are keen to look at ideas which make it easier for employees to understand their pensions.”

Which is a bit difficult if they don’t actually tell us isn’t it....

And the Ministers of the Piss Poor Policies Millionaires Club Coalition

Have been sent out with their begging bowls to lobby cash-rich emerging nations such as Brazil and China during the Olympics to win multi-billion-pound contracts and help the stuttering UK economy.

The Independent has obtained a list of 50 investment projects around the world that British ministers and civil servants have been told to win during the next month.

The wish-list includes Chinese healthcare deals, the construction of Brazilian shipyards and Russian railways, deepwater-drilling off the coast of Mexico and controversial oil exploration in Kazakhstan.

And this will provide jobs in Blighty-how?

Right a smidge to the land of Teutons

A German driver was pleasantly surprised to have a squad of German soccer fans cheering her on as she squeezed her little red car into a particularly tight spot.

Bless....

Whale Sharks suck....

Conservationists have observed a male whale shark sucking fish out of a fishing net in Indonesia's Cendrawasih Bay National Marine Park.

The video has become an internet sensation, attracting almost two million views since it was posted two weeks ago.

That’s two million and a couple now then....

Over the big, salty, swaying thing on the left

A felon was arrested in Oklahoma City for possession of a firearm after he told police he shot himself in the genitals, officials said.

Tavares Donnell Colbert, 36, shot himself in the genitals Saturday near Interstate 35 while testing a gun he bought on the street in Kansas to see if it functioned properly before selling it, The Oklahoman reported.

Colbert drove himself to the hospital and police were alerted soon after, the newspaper said. He was arrested on a complaint of possession of a firearm when he was medically cleared.

Dick......

And finally:

East quite a few what-knots

Fiat has announced that the new version of the Fiat 500 will be available with a built-in coffee machine.

Designed in cooperation with famous Italian coffee-machine producer Lavazza and using the company's convenient "A Modo Mio" pod system, the espresso maker integrates into the passenger compartment.

There are no power cables and a dedicated set of accessories to keep the interior neat and tidy included, such as a spoon holder, pod dispenser and sugar container.

Caffeinated Fiat...

That’s it: I’m orf to La-La land.

And today’s thought:

Should have gorn to Specsavers Olympics

Angus

Eco Con-servative: Up your pension: Pecan pilferers: Ferrari under the table: Hunky Dorys: and Lip service.

Day 47 of misty, murky and miserable at the Castle this morn, and just to add to our pleasure it is muggy as well.

The study is less than half full of wonky wheelbarrows, his Maj is still bringing me worms and the bruise on the elbow has reduced to the size of the Isle of Wight and has almost stopped hurting.

Just got back from the stale bread, gruel and pussy food run at Tesco-don’t tell anyone but they have His Maj’s Dreamies at £1 per pack.....

Chris (no nuclear/yes nuclear) Huhne

Reckons that although rising gas prices are set to push up costs for consumers, energy saving policies will help to save £94 on household bills by 2020,

The “Climate change Secretary” insisted the Government was meeting energy demand at the lowest cost possible by insulating homes and steering away from a dependence on fossil fuels. While the Government could not control rising world gas prices, it could "soften the blow", he told Parliament, with policies that would overall deliver a saving of 7 per cent on bills. 

Bollocks-I want to live on the same planet as him...

And as we watch our pensions quickly sink into the brown runny stuff

According to Unite son of a B...aronet “Chancellor” George (alien reptile in disguise) Osborne would need to work for just 18 months to win the typical public sector pension of £5,600 in retirement.

Looking at the government negotiating team, Unite found an average public sector worker would need to work for three working lifetimes to earn Francis Maude's pension and two for Danny Alexander's pension.

The calculations are based on ministers' pension pots if they were to retire at the end of the current term of office in 2015.

 

But remember-(all together now)—‘we are all in this together’

Over in the land of the free and the home of the allergy

Hired by farmers as a private security guard, Brooks Rucker patrols thousands of acres of Georgia farmland on the lookout for thieves toting 5-gallon buckets.

He rarely comes up empty handed. Since the fall harvest began Oct. 1, Rucker says, he and two other guards have caught more than 160 culprits in the act. Some they let go. Others get handed over to police. Either way, he's recovered thousands of dollars' worth of stolen goods: mounds of pecans snatched from his employers' trees.

"It's an all-day hassle trying to keep these folks out," said Rucker. "You'll pull into a pecan grove and they'll have a 10-foot extension ladder trying to shake the pecans loose with poles. It's bad."

Prices have soared as China has developed an insatiable appetite for pecans, while withering drought in the southern U.S. has limited supplies.

In Georgia, the nation's top pecan producer, farmers and authorities say criminals can earn a tidy profit by stealing the nuts -- worth $1.50 or more per pound in smaller quantities.

Bloody China.....

East to the Isle where Napoleon once resided

A French furniture designer created a conversation piece - by encasing the wreck of a Ferrari supercar in a coffee table.

Charly Molinelli, from Corsica, was approached by a customer who wanted a talking point for her living room.

Knowing his client was a motor sports fan, he approached a friend who worked at a scrap yard that was crushing a Ferrari F40.

The finished work took two months, with Mr Molinelli using other recycled materials to complete it.

Hope he followed all the Elfandsafety rules....

West a bit and a bit more

A raunchy ad campaign featuring busty women battling it out on a GAA pitch in skimpy undies has been kicked into touch by the advertising watchdog.

Crisp firm Hunky Dorys has been skinned by the Advertising Standards Authority of Ireland for launching its sexy GAA theme just a year after it branded similar rugby ads “sexist and exploitative”.

And it accused the firm of deliberately creating the ads – featuring models in low-cropped tops and brief shorts – knowing it would get free publicity.

The SAI took action after receiving 82 complaints from people and groups who thought they were offensive, degrading and sexist towards women.

All is not hunky dory then....

And finally:

East a touch

A beauty addict has blown £4,000 on plumping jabs to have the biggest lips in the world – but says her pout is still “too small”.

Kristina Rei, 22, believed her “thin” lips made her ugly and aspired to look like cartoon character Jessica Rabbit.

In her pursuit of the perfect pout, the nail technician has had 100 silicone injections, at a cost of £40 each, but claims she still wants more.

Kristina said: “I think I look fantastic and it makes me happy.

Kristina, who is single and has never had a boyfriend, had her first injection at 17 after being bullied about her looks at school.

Prefer the “before”.                                                  

That’s it: I’m orf to change my diet.

And today’s thought:

Angus