In-out-in-out and what’s this religion thing all about?

Much solar stuff, nary a whimsy of atmospheric movement, quite a lot of lack of cold and not a sign of skywater at the Castle this morn.

The moss has been mown, the weedy bits have been weeded, the hedgy bits have been looked at and stuff is growing faster than a fast thing can grow.

 

Is it just me or is this EU thingy really, really annoying, according to the Bremain lot we will suffer  world war, pestilence, boils, frogs, a crippled economy, a decade of austerity and  £4000-ish will be lost to every household if we leave.

And if we stay all will be well, immigration will reduce to a couple of people a year, the sun will always shine, it will only rain at night, every person in Blighty will be better orf, we will not have to accept any more EU laws, trade will be stonking, we will be left alone to govern ourselves and the second coming will ensue. 

On the other side, if we leave we will be able to make our own laws, immigration will fall to a couple of people a year, the sun will always shine, it will only rain at night, every person in Blighty will be better orf, we will not have to accept any more EU laws, trade will be stonking, we will be left alone to govern ourselves and the second coming will ensue. 

I suppose it all comes dahn to personal choices, we all know that politicians lie, cheat and try their hardest to fool us into believing them so that they can keep their jobs but more importantly (to them) their power. 

If we stay “they” will still get their jaunts to exotic places like Berlin, Brussels, India, China and America, if we leave they will still get their jaunts to exotic places like Berlin, Brussels, India, China and America. 

So what is the difference-buggered if I know, to be honest at my age-64 ¾ it doesn’t make much difference, personally I will vote to leave, I want to be able to go dahn the town and understand what everybody is saying, I want to know that housing is available for the young people, I want to know that there are jobs available for those that want them, I want to know that I can go where I want when I want and not be blown up by some bleeding religious lunatic with a bomb strapped to his plums.

I don’t want the people of Blighty to be absorbed into the mish mash of Europe to become some clone and lose our Blightyness we have a proud history (some of it anyway) we are known for our tolerance and good sense (some of it anyway) we are not “European” we live on an island which is quite full of people. We are innovators and inventors and are unique in the world, let’s keep it that way.

I suppose I just want my country back...

 

And talking of other religions

 

What the hell is that all about?

 

Apparently if there is a God there isn’t just one, so we have Gods who tell their followers different things, and everyone is at odds with everyone else and grudges are not easily forgiven.

Some followers are convinced that if we sin we will go to purgatory unless we admit our sins, some think that the crusades some 900 to 1100 years ago is a good reason to explode innocent people into small pieces (including their own followers), some think that they have been hard done by for millennia and have the right to revenge by annexing other peoples land.

Some think that all life is sacred and won’t even step on an ant (I like that one except for spiders).

And some believe in other things.

What we believe is of course up to us but what really pisses me orf is those that want to impose their religion on others, that seem to think if they are not followers of their God they should die or be invaded or absorbed into their beliefs.

If you live in Blighty say and believe in some prophet who says that their religion is the only one and can’t accept the British way of life then bugger orf to a land that supports your religion, so that you can stone people or behead them or cut their hands orf or whatever else is allowed in your religion. 

I make this point: all “holy” writings are written by man for man in order for the “upper lot” to control the lower lot, religion as in all things is about power and control, if God or a God had actually written a text to follow then there would only be one religion and we would all believe and follow the rules but God didn’t and human nature is to suspect those that have other ideals and think that they are right and everyone else is to be conquered.

 Well that’s what I think anyway... 

And today’s thought: What you are is what you have been. What you’ll be is what you do now.” Buddha

Angus

New El Papa: Last El Papa: Fake walnuts: Numpty up to his neck: and a Hole in one fairway.

Lots of lack of warm, little atmospheric movement, even less sky water and much solar stuff at the Castle this morn, Dawn’s crack was enormous and kindly melted all the scrapey-scrapey stuff orf the Honda saving my poor old battered body from further pain.

The “ring of agony” has now subsided to an ache in the side and his Maj has discovered the joy of snuggling up to the heating pad I have been using to boil the pain away.

 

I see that the Vatican has a new boss

According to the bleedin endless coverage by Auntie after just a few votes El Papa Francis the first has taken over the reins.

The 76-year-old from Buenos Aires is the first pope to take the name of Francis - reminiscent of Francis of Assisi, the 13th Century Italian reformer and patron saint of animals, who lived in poverty.

As usual “they” have elected a conservative old fart who probably won’t sort out the buggering of kiddlies by priests and the buggering of priests by other priests, and won’t last very long.

 

Which brings me to this

 

Apparently according to Nostradamus the end of a pope and the Church itself at a time when a great comet was to fill our skies. Comet Ison, said to be one of the brightest for centuries, will pass by later this year.

Quatrain II.46

"The great star for seven days shall burn

So nakedly clear like two suns appearing

The large dog all night howling

While the great Pontiff shall change his territory."

Another of Nostradamus's writings has also been associated with the end of the Catholic Church:

Quatrain VI.6:

There will appear towards the North

Not far from Cancer the bearded star:

Susa, Siena, Boeotia, Eretria,

The great one of Rome will die, the night over.

And allegedly old Nostra isn’t alone: It is the writings of Saint Malachy, an archbishop of the 1100s, which definitively states this will be the pope of the end times.

A Benedictine monk claimed to have discovered in 1595 a collection of the Saint's papers where he had purportedly secretly written down 112 brief but vague prophecies. Each is associated with the reign of an individual pope.

 

The last phrase applies to Pope Francis:

Verse 112:

"In the final persecution of the Holy Roman Church, there will sit Peter the Roman, who will pasture his sheep in many tribulations, and when these things are finished, the city of seven hills will be destroyed, and the dreadful judge will judge his people.

The End." 

I wish.... 

East to the land of many people and even more fakes

 

A new product has hit China’s market –- fake walnuts.

Reports claim that vendors put small portions of cement inside the shells and glue them together –- making them look like real walnuts. In addition, the cement is wrapped in paper to avoid unnecessary movement and noise the cement might make when displayed or checked by shoppers.

“The Ministry of Tofu,” a Chinese news source, reports:

“Mr. Li bought 2.5 kilos of walnuts from a street vendor in Zhengzhou city, Henan province on February 15. After he got home and cracked open some of them, he found that inside the walnuts were broken concrete chunks. In order to reap more profit vendors cracked open walnuts that had thin husks, took out the nutmeat and put concrete nuggets inside, then sealed the husk with glue. To prevent the concrete nuggets from knocking on their husks and making noise, the counterfeiters wrapped them with paper.”

Nutty...

West to the home of Numptys and the land of big things 

(apart from the bleedin video)

 

A video of a man jumping into a puddle - only to find it is as deep as he is tall - is going viral online.

The clip starts with the man preparing to leap into a frozen puddle in a supermarket car park in the US.

To his apparent surprise, he ends up completely submerged as the cameraman keels over in hysterics.

The video has notched up more than 1.3million views on YouTube but some users expressed doubts whether it was genuine.

One asked: "So why is there a four feet deep hole in a parking lot?"

 

Why not?

 

And talking of holes

Still in the US of A; a golfer has had to be rescued from a sinkhole that swallowed him up at an Illinois fairway.

Mark Mihal was with three friends playing the 14th hole at Annbriar Golf Course near Waterloo last Friday.

But when the 43-year-old's buddies looked round he was nowhere to be seen. 

They heard him moaning and followed the noise back to where he had been standing.

The pit that swallowed him up turned out to be 18ft deep and 10ft wide.

A ladder brought from the clubhouse was too short and Mark only had the use of one arm to pull himself up. 

Wonder if he found his ball? 

 

That’s it: I’m orf to mine the moat-just in case 

And today’s thought:

 

 

Angus

“Unmanageable” medics: ‘Orse Hotel: Honey Badger mints: Are You a Cynic: and a really big fish.

Middling lack of warm, moderate atmospheric movement, missing skywater, massive scrapey, scrapey stuff and believe it or not but the Sun has got his hat on, hip, hip, hip hooray, the Sun has got his hat on and he’s visiting for the day.

Just returned from a very nice weekend with friends up in Cheltenham, at least I think it was ham could have been ‘Orse for all I know, spent the time walking, lunching at public houses and getting my arse kicked by their pair of sadly un-fat teenagers on something called an X-Box.

 

And two minutes after I staggered in the portcullis the God-Botherers arrived this time in the guise of “people” who witnessed Jehovah.

The pair of old farts tried to convince me that we don’t have a soul, when we die that is it, there is no heaven or hell, and when Jehovah returns all the dead people who have been buried will rise up and take over the world.

Which is a bit of luck for those who have been cremated because they won’t have to put up with all the rotting undead lurching about mumbling “bollocks” I was quite happy in my grave.

Not a very happy “religion” then...

 

And I see that her Maj has the squits

 

And if she has the Norovirus she will probably infect the rest of the nurses, doctors and patients in the ‘Orspital.

Bet she isn't laughing now....

 

And talking of ‘Orspital medics

According to the Torygraph an “alarming” threat to patient safety is being posed by the “unmanageable workload” that hospital doctors have to deal with, according to a worrying report published today.

The situation needs to be “urgently addressed” if frail elderly patients are not to be put at further risk, according to the report by the Royal College of Physicians.

Matters are worst in England’s provincial hospitals, according to the College, because they struggle to recruit and retain hospital doctors. It found a “worrying correlation” between low consultant staffing levels and high death rates.

The report comes shortly after Jeremy Hunt, the Health Secretary, announced a review to examine high death rates in 14 hospital trusts. None are in London. Ten of the 14 are in the midlands or north- west England. Experts are due to meet next week to agree a plan on how to tackle the problem.

The Royal College found medical registrars - the grade below consultant level - were being excessively overworked.

 

No change there then, bet her Maj doesn’t have knackered medic....

 

Norf of the border

A new “horse hotel” scheme has been launched by the National Trust for Scotland (NTS) offering “quality assured bed & breakfast” accommodation near the Queen’s Balmoral estate for horses, accompanied by their owners.

On arrival at Mar Lodge Estate, near Braemar, the equine guests are shown to their holiday paddocks to settle in and meet new friends before enjoying days of off-road riding on the estate and on hill tracks including Glens Quoich and Lui.

The idea was the brainwave of horse lover Fiona McCulloch, estate secretary on the trust’s property in the Cairngorms National Park, who realised the acres of land offered opportunities for riders to bring their horses with them.

 

Spiffing-wonder where the nearest Tesco is.....

 

Fancy a nice mint made out of Honey Badgers?

Well know you can indulge your whim, from the Neato Shop comes:

Honey Badger Mints

• Got bad breath? Honey badgers don't care ... but he'll help!
• Net wt. 0.7 oz (20 g)
• Amt: about 100 mints per tin
• Tin size: 2-1/4" dia. x 1/2" (6 cm dia. x 1 cm)

 

Enjoy....

 

From the land of democracy and not a lot of Euros

Did you know that being a “cynic” originally meant you thought the purpose of life was to live virtuously in agreement with Nature, rejecting all conventional desires for wealth, power, sex, and fame; living a simple life free from all possessions. 

That lets me orf the hook then...

 

And finally:

 

West to the land of the place where Jackson comes from

 

In a research vessel stationed off the coast of Jacksonville, Fla., members from OCEARCH captured and tagged another Great White shark Sunday.

She's 14.5 feet long and weighs nearly 2,000 pounds. Her name is Lydia, after Lydia Moss Bradley, the founder of Bradley University and long-time friend of Caterpillar, who is sponsoring OCEARCH for three years. Lydia is the first great white captured, satellite tagged and released in an area south of Cape Cod, Mass.

Researchers found the 2,000-pound shark at the mouth of St. Johns River, which is near the popular surfing spot of Mayport Poles near Jacksonville.

Lydia makes the third great white shark tagged off the East Coast of the United States by OCEARCH. The research group also tagged and is tracking Genie, a 14-foot, nearly 2,300-pound shark, and Mary Lee, a 16-foot, nearly 3,500-pound shark. Both were tagged with a satellite tracking device in September.

 

Couple of things; sod that a lot and I don’t think I will go surfing at Mayport....

 

That’s it: I’m orf to avoid Sky even more

 

And today’s thought:

Well bugger me-or, him, or him, or...

 

Angus

Public shock treatment: Bishettes: Dorries stuck Dahn Unda: Chinese puzzle: The Last Ninja: and a $4.2 million Crimbo “tree”.

Masses of skywater, more atmospheric movement, meagre amounts of lack of cold and a minimum of solar stuff at the Castle this morn, the butler is inserting fat, carbon neutral teenagers into the furnace on his new conveyer belt and his Maj has decided that my head is a nice warm place to sleep during the dark thing.

 

All across defibrillated Blighty

More than 1,300 emergency heart devices in public places like shopping centres may not work because of a battery fault, warns a UK health regulator.

According to The Medicines and Healthcare products Regulatory Agency says first aiders should check their Samaritan PAD 300/300P defibrillators.

The company was alerted about the fault by person who noticed a problem when they were doing a routine spot check of the equipment.

They can turn on or off when not in use, draining the battery.

No other HeartSine Technologies Ltd automated external defibrillator products are affected.

 

The following serial number ranges are affected with one or both of the identified faults:

0400000501 to 0700032917 inclusive

08A00035000 to 10A00070753 inclusive

10C00200000 to 10C00210318 inclusive

These were distributed around the UK between August 2004 and December 2010 with a warranted life of up to seven years.

 

Or not, as the case may be....let’s hope there is an AA guy selling expensive “”memberships” when your old ticker goes tits up while out buying Crimbo presents.

 

 

Last night I tried to watch Question Time

And the first fifteen minutes (one quarter) of the “programme” was wasted on a pointless ‘massderbate’ on whether we should have Bishops without dangly bits.

Allegedly only 12 percent of Blighty’s sinners attend those large, cold, empty buildings with bells on regularly; which means that 88 percent of us don’t give a cardinal’s cock who flounces about in a long red frock pursued by small boys with long white frocks.

 I am all for those who wish to believe in a “Deity” that may or may not exist, and I am 100 percent in favour of believers who want to save themselves from fire and brimstone by attending church, synagogue, mosque or any other centre of wishful thinking.

 

But, please, please don’t expose me to your faiths, hopes and lack of charity which is prevalent in the very small minority of “look at me I am holy” bum holes who seem to think that the next world is far more important than what is left of this one.

 

But one interesting fact I did discover is that the Irritable Bowel Twins (Iain Duncan Smith) is a practising Catholic; which does explain a lot about his Piss Poor Policies at the Dept of Witless Pillocks (DWP).

 

Dahn Unda

Nadger Nadine is in even more bovver with the Con party than she was before, it seems that dumbed dahn Dorries who is currently staying in a luxury five-star hotel in Australia after she became the first contestant to be voted off the ITV reality television show on Wednesday night may be contractually obliged by ITV to remain there while the game-show is on for another fortnight.

A spokesman for ITV said they would know by this morning whether Ms Dorries will stay in Australia or not for the remainder of the show.

 

Should have read the fine print; personally I would like to see the bollock chewing nearly ex-MP kept in the outback until she finally grows up and finds herself a proper job”.

 

East to the land where everything came from

Construction workers in China have built a new road around a five-storey apartment block after two residents refused to leave.

Construction workers in the country's Zhejiang province surrounded their five-storey building with asphalt, leaving motorists to navigate an unlikely obstacle.

China's People's Daily newspaper said the couple refused to leave because they were unhappy with the compensation package they were offered.

Their neighbours are understood to have moved on, although some of their apartments have been left standing.

Once complete, the highway through Xiazhangyang village, on China's eastern coast, will lead to Wenling railway station, which is served by China's super-fast bullet trains.

 

But the good news is that they will excellent access to the chuff-chuff network...

 

Over a whimsy to the land of not a jot of radiation

 

Apparently Japan's era of shoguns and samurai is over, but the country does have one, or maybe two, surviving ninjas.

Ninjas passed skills from father to son - but today's say they will be the last.

Japan's ninjas were all about mystery. Hired by noble samurai warriors to spy, sabotage and kill, their dark outfits usually covered everything but their eyes, leaving them virtually invisible in shadow - until they struck.

Ninjas were also famed swordsmen. They used their weapons not just to kill but to help them climb stone walls, to sneak into a castle or observe their enemies.

Most of their missions were secret so there are very few official documents detailing their activities. Their tools and methods were passed down for generations by word of mouth.

Using weapons such as shuriken, a sharpened star-shaped projectile, and the fukiya blowpipe, they were silent but deadly.

 

I’ve had more than a few of those but luckily I have my Deoest fart proof draws.

 

And finally:

 

Still in the place where nothing glows in the dark

A jewellery store in downtown Tokyo has a pure gold revolving "tree" covered in Disney characters such as Mickey Mouse, Tinker Bell and Cinderella.

The tree-like ornament is made of 40 kg (88 pounds) of pure gold, standing about 2.4 meters (7.9 ft) high and 1.2 meters in diameter. It is decorated with pure gold plate silhouette cut outs of 50 popular Disney characters and draped with ribbons made of gold leaf.

The price tag? A mere 350 million yen ($4.2 million).

 

 Or if things are a bit tight you could have a scaled dahn version for just $243,000, which in “proper” money is about the same as you will pay for a non-fungus infected wooden one.

  

That’s it: I’m orf to have a squeeze of a rocky exoplanet, or two.

 

And today’s thought:

Just like home

 

Angus

Periosteal pecking: Serious Snooping: Duct tape Numpty: Baptism of bones: and Young and uneducated.

Dull, dim and dodgy at the Castle this morn, just a quickie to test out the elbow (story of my life).

I only had the right elbow done by my general medic because he decided to use a “new” procedure called Periosteal pecking which involves sticking a needle many, many times into the offending bony bendy bit-and it hurt more than quite a lot.

Then he continued to inject the white stuff and I went home to curl up in the four poster zonked out on industrial strength pain killers, which his Maj liked quite a lot because he could stretch out on the duvet and sleep.

The elbow still hurts and has swollen up and turned a nice shade of pink but apparently after three days (tomorrow) it will magically revert to its pre tennis elbow state.....

And I am looking forward to having the left one done (if I can get an appointment)...

Apparently the new snooping powers to be introduced by the Piss Poor Policies Millionaires Club Coalition

Which are only supposed to be used for serious crime and terrorism will be quite useful for Plod to access the phone records of drivers who pose a risk.

According to a certain Mr Creedon the head of Derbyshire Police and spokesman on the issue for the Association of Chief Police Officers, indicated it would also be used in cases such as speeding motorists who text or talk on their phones.

Asked whether that would be proportionate, he said: “If I am driving on the motorway and I see someone on a phone and texting at 80mph that, for me, would pass the test immediately.”

The scheme will cost the taxpayer up to £2.5 billion over the next decade – or £250 million a year.

And costs could increase further if technology advances, the Home Office accepted.

That’s money well spent then.....

Over to the left more than a whimsy

Officials in southern Montana say a Canadian truck driver found that out the hard way when he tried to stop a fuel tank leak with duct tape before going to sleep at a truck stop near Livingston.

The Livingston Enterprise reports a truck stop employee called Park County fire-fighters at about 3 a.m. Thursday to report the leak. Fire Chief Dann Babcox estimates about 100 gallons of diesel fuel leaked from the tractor-trailer onto the ground.

 At today’s prices in the U.S. that is about £240 which would probably have paid for a proper repair.

East to a part of mythical Europe

Allegedly A small handful of bones found in an ancient church in Bulgaria may belong to John the Baptist, the biblical figure said to have baptized Jesus.

The sarcophagus holding the bones was found near a second box bearing the name of St. John and his feast date (also called a holy day) of June 24. Now, new radiocarbon dating of the collagen in one of the bones pegs its age to the early first century, consistent with the New Testament and Jewish histories of John the Baptist's life.

Thomas Higham of the University of Oxford told Live Science "They suggest that the human bone is all from the same person, it's from a male, and it has a very high likelihood of an origin in the Near East," or Middle East where John the Baptist would have lived.

The human bones in the box included a knucklebone, a tooth, part of a cranium, a rib and an ulna, or arm bone.

Err part of the skull?

 And finally on this test post:

 

According to charity Leaf (Linking Environment and Farming)

Fewer than half of young British adults know that butter comes from the milk of a dairy cow and a third do not know eggs come from hens, more than a third of 16 to 23-year-olds (36 per cent) did not know bacon came from pigs and 40 per cent failed to link milk with an image of a cow, with 7 per cent linking it instead to wheat, the poll of 2,000 people “found”.

Allegedly four in ten young adults (43 per cent) considered themselves knowledgeable about foods, the results revealed a “shocking” lack of knowledge about how basic foods were produced and the animals providing the raw materials.

Why am I not surprised...I blame the parents...

 

That’s it: I’m orf to un-knot space

And today’s thought:

“Proper” use for duct tape-bet that hurt when it came orf...

Angus

Non Councils: Dear Nitrogen: Pension Dockers: Killer cyclists: Goat of a night: Pulling the plug on religion: and Lots and lots of Lego.

‘Tis yet another spiffing spot of clement weather at the Castle this morn, I did think about hedging the hedges, bordering the borders, shrubbing the shrubs and clearing out the shed, evicting the eight legged hairy buggers and servicing the mower, but the sun lounger called to me with a siren’s voice and I succumbed.

On the plus side I did get to watch the F1 race and very exciting it was as well, already been to Tesco and stocked up on gruel and stale bread and I am now awaiting the first phone call of the week from a desperate user wanting their fix.

It seems that austerity doesn’t apply to Councils

The first survey of local authorities since the coalition came to power last May has found that town halls created more than 4,000 new posts during the period.

Despite the public sector being told to make sweeping cuts, councils have advertised for posts such as "woodfuel development officer", "new media staff" and "healthy workplace coordinators".

The findings come as councils are under unprecedented financial pressure and try to cut costs by increasing charges, cutting basic services and closing facilities such as libraries.

The research shows that in total, 205 councils have created a total of 4,148 new posts since May 1 last year.

Most have reduced their overall staffing levels during the period but the study found that while doing so, many have continued to create brand new roles for "communications officers", "equality officers" and "climate change staff".

Councils have also recruited dozens of workers to enhance the "wellbeing" of staff and "customers", as well as "life skills" experts, who teach members of the public basic tasks such as ironing.

The figures also reveal a boom in such jobs as "walking coordinators", "obesity strategy officers", and "active" workers, whose job is to encourage the public to pursue more healthy lifestyles.

Ah, the good old public sector, less for us more for them, same old same old.

And talking of non jobs

A study by 200 European “experts” says reactive nitrogen contributes to air pollution, fuels climate change and is estimated to shorten the life of the average resident by six months.

Livestock farming is one of the biggest causes of nitrogen pollution, it adds.

It calls for changes in farming and more controls on vehicles and industry.

The problem would be greatly helped if less meat was consumed, the report says.

Nitrogen is the most common element in the atmosphere and is harmless.

It is the reactive form - mainly produced by human activity - that causes a web of related problems.

The 600-page report relies on experts from 21 countries and 89 organisations. It estimates the annual cost of damage caused by nitrogen across Europe as being £55-£280bn.

Nice to see a narrow cost band from the “experts”, and how much did the report cost?

In our warm and congested land

Many workers in final salary pension schemes, especially public sector employees, will have their state pension docked, under plans being considered by Piss Poor Policies Dave C’s “Government”.

They will receive £2.40 a week less from the state, a discount equating to £125 a year.

The Department for Work and Pensions announced last week its proposal to create a single state pension of £140 a week, in a bid to end Britain's notoriously complicated pension system, which involves a basic and a second state pension.

However, in the consultation document published by the DWP, it makes clear that it is considering docking many workers' state pension, including nearly all those paid out to public sector workers. They could, for decades, receive £137.60, while the majority of retirees will be enjoying state pensions of £140 a week.

My head hurts……..

Still in Blighty

From the Daily Flail-Ministers are considering introducing a new offence of causing death by dangerous cycling.

It would mean cyclists who kill or seriously hurt pedestrians would be prosecuted in the same way as drivers.

A Bill is to be presented by Tory MP Andrea Leadsom, who has campaigned on behalf of a family whose teenage daughter was killed by a reckless cyclist.

Rhiannon Bennett, 17, was walking with friends in Buckingham in April 2007 when cyclist John Howard approached the group at speed, yelling, Move! I’m not stopping!”

He was travelling so fast the group had no time to act. He hit Rhiannon and knocked her over, and she smashed her head against the kerb.

She was taken to hospital with head injuries and died six days later.

Magistrates later convicted Howard, then 36, of Buckingham, of dangerous cycling and fined him £2,200.

By comparison a motorist convicted of causing death by dangerous driving faces a maximum penalty of 14 years in jail.

I’ll sign up to that, I nearly had a pedalling Numpty this morn, I was coming up to a roundabout, was in the left lane indicating to turn left and pulling out when speedy knobhead who was doing about thirty on his “racing” bike came storming up the inside and cut across the Rover to turn right.

Make em take a test, pay insurance and tax and have a mental MOT every year.

Dahn in Surrey

A stolen goat taken on a pub crawl caused chaos when the thieves let it off the leash after being refused service.

Police and the RSPCA were called to the pub in Horley, Surrey, after it butted customers. Pub manager Steve Lea said: “It was a bit surreal. It was a first.”

You should come to 'Ampshire Steve, any amount of smelly animals in the pubs here.

East a fair bit

The tomb of Moses Maimonides, one of Judaism's pre-eminent sages, has been plunged into darkness because of a debt to the electricity company totaling $11,500.

Rabbi Israel Deri, one of the managers of the site in the Galilee city of Tiberias, admitted Wednesday that the bill "fell between the cracks." As a result, the tomb — where people come to pray around the clock — is now closed to night visitors.

A spokeswoman for the Israel Electric Corporation, Orna Vagman, said the company "had no other choice but to disconnect the electricity" at the site because of a debt accrued over "many months."

Seems that the light of religion is a bit dim.

And finally:

West even more

In the land of funny “hair” cuts-Six thousand Lego lovers and a crane create the world's largest Lego tower in Sao Paulo.

The tower composed 500,000 Lego pieces and reached 102 feet and 3 inches, breaking the previous record set in Chile last year.

It took four days to build and was held in place by wire supports to prevent it from toppling over in the wind.

The first Lego tower was built in London in 1988, since then Toronto, Moscow, Sydney, Tokyo and Munich have been among the cities which have held the title.

Why?

That’s it: I’m orf to count my bluebells-one so far.

And today’s thought: "What is a committee? A group of the unwilling, picked from the unfit, to do the unnecessary" - Mark Twain.

Angus

Heavens above; Mrs Numpty; Mass theft and Immortality

Bit of a short one today (I blame the cold weather) because I have an early appointment at the dentist.

But a couple of news snips-Sydney has turned orange, and the BBC is arrogant, nothing new there then.

So straight to it.


First up:

Divine intervention

Gunther Link prayed for release when he was trapped in a lift, a short while later he was pulled out of the elevator and being a devout Catholic went straight to the church to thank God and was killed when the 860lb altar fell on him.

Link was reported missing by his cousin, and found the next day by parishioners going to Mass at the Weinhaus Church in Vienna.

Hahslinger concluded: "He seems to have embraced a stone pillar on which the stone altar was perched and it fell on him, killing him instantly. We have found his fingerprints on the pillar. We are now investigating the case further."


Thank God I’m an agnostic.

Beauty is only skin deep

And so is a tattoo across your forehead, Karolyne Smith has to live with a permanent billboard on her forehead after she accepted Goldenpalace.com's offer of $10,000 for the 'advertising space'. She needed the money to send her son Brady to a private school.Karolyne said: ""I really want to do this. To everyone else, it seems like a stupid thing to do. To me, $10,000 is like a million dollars.""I only live once and I'm doing it for my son. It's a small sacrifice to build a better future for my son."

Smith's eBay auction attracted more than 27,000 hits and 1,000 watchers. Bidding reached $999.99 before Goldenpalace.com; an Internet gambling company met Smith's $10,000 asking price. Goldenpalace.com also gave her another $5,000 for her trouble.Another person, inspired by Karolyne is currently auctioning his forehead as ad space on eBay.

And this tattoo isn’t going to embarrass her son at all when she turns up at his private school to collect him is it?

DVD dipper takes 30,000

A former postal service employee has pleaded guilty to stealing more than 30,000 DVDs that moved through a western Massachusetts post office.

Myles Weathers, formerly of Springfield, took DVDs that were mailed by Netflix to customers for a year beginning in January 2007.

Federal prosecutors say the movie rental company alerted Springfield post office officials that a suspiciously high number of DVDs were disappearing. As many as 100 movies a week were disappearing.

Weathers was arrested in February 2008 after investigators filmed him taking DVDs from packages and slipping them into his backpack.

He faces 10 months to 16 months in prison and restitution costs of about $38,000 at his Dec. 23 sentencing.

Weathers' attorney did not immediately return a call seeking comment Tuesday.

Just over $1 per DVD, so why do I have to pay £10 each for mine?

And finally:

Just my bleedin luck

Scientist Ray Kurzweil claims humans could become immortal in as little as 20 years' time through nanotechnology and an increased understanding of how the body works.

The 61-year-old American, who has predicted new technologies arriving before, says our understanding of genes and computer technology is accelerating at an incredible rate.

He says theoretically, at the rate our understanding is increasing, nanotechnologies capable of replacing many of our vital organs could be available in 20 years time.

Mr Kurzweil calls his theory the Law of Accelerating Returns. Writing in The Sun, Mr Kurzweil said: "I and many other scientists now believe that in around 20 years we will have the means to reprogramme our bodies' stone-age software so we can halt, then reverse, ageing. Then nanotechnology will let us live for ever.

"Ultimately, nanobots will replace blood cells and do their work thousands of times more effectively.

"Within 25 years we will be able to do an Olympic sprint for 15 minutes without taking a breath, or go scuba-diving for four hours without oxygen.

"Heart-attack victims – who haven't taken advantage of widely available bionic hearts – will calmly drive to the doctors for a minor operation as their blood bots keep them alive.

"Nanotechnology will extend our mental capacities to such an extent we will be able to write books within minutes.

This would mean I would be 78, and who wants to be 78 for ever.

Angus:

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