Wet Wet Wet: No Blank Cheque: Climbing Crocs: Columbian Cast-orfs: and Palin makes 50.

Usual at the Castle this morn, much lack of warm, oodles of atmospheric movement, bags of skywater and fuck all solar stuff.

It's been an "interesting" last seven days or so, as the old saying goes-no good deed goes unpunished which turned out to be more than true last Thursday.

I pottered over to B&Q in Farnborough to suss out some underwater gardening stuff and saw an old fart (about the same age as me) struggling to get four 6x6 foot fence panels onto one of their stupid trolleys which ran away every time he approached it so I lent a hand and grabbed one end of each and the stuff was loaded in less than no time.

Unfortunately it was pissing dahn with wet stuff and the tanalising stuff ended up all over my hands, later that day large welts started to erupt all over my poor old bod, I spent four days scratching and four dark things not sleeping until I finally managed to acquire an appointment with a general medic (not my usual one) who after being an hour late decided to discuss the pros and cons of wood treatment (apparently arsenic is  no longer used, but a copper thingy is now the in thing) while I sat there scratching parts of my body until they bled.

I finally got the script for some antihistamines and some cream and am now on the mend (again).

 

And His Maj has been getting some unwelcome visitors-a couple of scruffy flea ridden moggies that seem to enjoy stealing his food and pissing all over the kitchen.

So I had a gander at the interweb thingy and found a "smart" cat flap, which has a built in scanner and only opens to His Maj's identity chip, bloody wonderful, took minutes to install, seconds to set up and now he can come and go with impunity, have all his food to himself and sit by the flap giving the equivalent of the finger to said moggies.

I would recommend this do-dah if you have similar problems, the only snag is that it cost almost £60, you can get cheaper "magnetic" flaps but it means that your pussy will have to wear a collar and if like His Maj they don't like things around their necks that can be a prob as well.

Since fitting it there have been no raids and the kitchen smells nice again.

 

 

Apparently the endless skywater is causing quite a few mishaps for many, many people

 

After more than forty light and dark things of rain apparently most of Blighty is submerged, Dickhead Dave has been touring sodden parts of the country to "see" the water and "reassure" the blighted people of Blighty that all will be well and "money will be no object" when it comes to sorting out Noah's puddles.

Yeah right.......

 Unfortunately

 

 

The Secretary of transport, someone named Patrick McLoughlin reckons that there is no "blank cheque" for flooding relief despite Dickhead Dave saying money is "no object".

The Transport Secretary said that the Government would “use every resource” but refused to say that new money will be made available.

Violent winds of up to 100 miles an hour are expected to batter Britain as storms sweep across the country and bring further flooding to some areas.

Forecasters have warned that the storms could bring the strongest winds seen this winter and a month's worth of rain is expected to fall by Friday.

 

So that's sorted that out then.....

 

Somewhere in the Reptilian world

 

A University of Tennessee, Knoxville study has found that reptiles can climb trees. The study concluded that at least four species of crocodiles climbed trees, but how far up they went varied by their sizes. The smaller ones were able to climb higher and further than the larger ones. Some of them were observed climbing as far as four meters high.

The crocodilians seen climbing trees, whether at night or during the day, were skittish of being approached, jumping or falling into the water when an approaching observer was as far as 10 meters away. This response led the researchers to believe that the tree climbing and basking are driven by two conditions: thermoregulation and surveillance of habitat.

 

Better cut the trees dahn around the moat then.

 

Left a lot and dahn a fair bit

 

 Hundreds of people in nothing more than underwear walked through the city of Medellin and gathered at River Park for 'No Pants Day' on Sunday.

New York performance art group Improv Everywhere started No Pants Day in 2002, but it has since grown into an international craze, which is being used by Colombians as a statement for their freedom of expression.

 

What a pants idea....

 

And finally:

 

Left a lot and up a fair bit

 

Allegedly Sarah Palin turns half a century today.

And to celebrate here are some Palin Twatts:

 

"Refudiate," "misunderestimate," "wee-wee'd up." English is a living language. Shakespeare liked to coin new words too. Got to celebrate it!

1.    Sarah Palin ‏@SarahPalinUSA Feb 6

Happy Birthday, Ronald Reagan! February is a month for great presidents. This month we celebrate the birthdays of... http://fb.me/2JcqTtCRj 

 

"But obviously, we've got to stand with our North Korean allies." --Sarah Palin, after being asked how she would handle the current hostilities between the two Koreas, interview on Glenn Beck's radio show, Nov. 24, 2010

"What the federal government should have done is accept the assistance of foreign countries, of entrepreneurial Americans who have had solution that they wanted presented ... The Dutch and the Norwegians, they are known for dikes and for cleaning up water and for dealing with spills." --Sarah Palin, on solving the Gulf oil spill crisis, Fox News, June 15, 2010

 

Here's to the next fifty years....

 

That's it: I'm orf to drive some cells

 

And today's thought:

 

Blighty's future

 

Angus

 

Whether the Wevver will or not: Up your MP: Central park cannon: One pissed feller up a tree: Pants calendar: and Dummy Councillors.

Quite a lot of lack of warm, not a lot of skywater, even less atmospheric movement and nary a glimmer of solar stuff at the Castle this morn, Blogger and IE are still conspiring to stop me putting photos into this piss poor blog and his Maj has discovered the joy of lying underneath the radiators in an attempt to maximise his heat rating.

 

And staying with the wevver

 

The “experts” at the Met thingy have issued a yellow 'be aware' warning for snow and ice across the whole of southern England, the Midlands and Wales on Saturday.

Apparently Around 1-2cm of snow could fall across London and the South West on Saturday morning, before the wintry showers head further south towards Southampton and the South Coast.

The East Coast is also likely to see a covering, while northern areas such as Lincolnshire and Yorkshire could see as much as 5-7cm.

Temperatures are expected to plummet to as low as -9C in the early part of next week with widespread frosts forecast for the weekend.

 

This means of course that if “they” are actually correct and more than a metric millimetre settles on the ground then the whole of Blighty will grind to a halt for at least four days.

 

Makes you proud.....

 

And up in the bit next to the leaning tower of Westminster 

 

A bit of two day old news:

Members of Parliament believe they deserve a pay hike of one-third – with nearly 70 per cent believing that they are underpaid for the job they do.

Conservative members of Parliament on average would like a £31,000 increase in their basic salary – to £96,000 a year – while their Labour counterparts feel they deserve a £12,000 hike to £77,000, according to an anonymised survey carried out by the Independent Parliamentary Standards Authority (Ipsa). MPs are currently paid around £65,000 a year.

 

Yeah right: Now let me see, the average-ish salary increase for those lucky enough to have employment is about 1-2 percent, the increase in benefits for those not striving is going to be 1 percent.

 

I reckon that a 1.5 percent increase in our money that is given to Members of Piss-poor-arliament is a fair increase-don’t you?

 

Over the cold, wet salty thing on the left 

 

Apparently an 18th century cannon was found loaded with gun powder and a cannon ball Friday during a routine cleaning at the Central Park Conservancy.

Residual gun powder was spotted after a piece of rust was removed from the cannon, exposing the cannon ball, New York City Police said. Authorities were summoned to remove the gun powder and make the cannon safe for public display. The cannon came from a British Royal Navy Ship, the HMS Hussar, circa 1763 to 1780.

NYPD spokesman Paul Browne said "We silenced British cannon fire in 1776 and we don't want to hear it again in Central Park,"

 

I think that about sums up the USA’s attitude to us Brits...

 

Dahn a bit and left even more 

 

An allegedly intoxicated tree trimmer dangled 40 feet off the ground for nearly two hours Monday evening before rescuers were able to get him down from of a Eucalyptus tree in a heavily wooded, residential area of Brentwood.

"We were concerned about his condition because he seemed lethargic and once we got him down, we found that he had consumed a significant amount of alcohol from a bottle of tequila that he had in his work belt with him," said Battalion Chief Brian Schultz with City of Los Angeles Fire Department.

Thirty-two fire-fighters responded to the scene and used ropes, a harness and 35-foot ladders to rescue the tree trimmer, according to Erik Scott with LAFD.

 

Good job it wasn’t in broke Blighty-there would only have been an old fart with a loft ladder available.....

 

Right more than many Imperial miles to the land that thinks we are blackmailing them 

 

A pants calendar of men posing in their underwear with classic 1970s cars is proving an unlikely success in Germany.

The pictures - featuring male models of all shapes and sizes - show some classic bodywork has aged better than others.

One bearded model poses in a pair of baggy brown Y-fronts, holding a chainsaw, as he stands beside a classic Audi Quattro.

Another model in the £25 calendar is seen posing proudly in front of a Volvo Amazon while wearing skin-tight leopard-skin print trunks.

Creator Janet Schurmeyer, from Wuppertal, says she and a photographer pal dreamed up the calendar as an antidote to traditional poses of semi-clad women draped over curvy sports cars.

"We only use men - most of them are our friends - and they are often not wearing the most attractive underwear, whatever it is they feel comfortable in" she explained.

"There is a minimum age of 20 years for the cars. For the men it is 18," she added.

If you must you can see the calendar HERE

 

Come on guys, we Brits could do much better than that.

Norf of the border

 

 

A pensioner has been cleared of registering a dummy to stand in a local government election.

• Renee Slater entered a mannequin called Helena Torry into Aberdeen council elections last year

• Case dismissed on technicality - Presiding Officer says he “will have no hesitation” in referring similar cases to police

Renee-Margaret Slater went on trial accused of entering a mannequin as a candidate in last year’s city council election in Aberdeen.

The 64-year-old lodged the name of Helena Torry on an official nomination document and delivered the paperwork to the returning officer at the city town house.

The former Labour councillor went on trial facing a charge under the Representation of People Act 1983 earlier this week. But yesterday the pensioner was cleared because the sheriff ruled that the charge was not relevant to the case.

Defence lawyer Gregor Kelly argued that the charge against his client related to parliamentary elections and local government elections in England and Wales. And Sheriff Peter Hammond upheld the submission that his client had no case to answer.

Following the hearing, Ms Slater said: “I just want to thank the people who helped out, the friends of Helena Torry who raised the funds for it. I couldn’t get legal aid.

“She ended up with a personality, and certainly has more charisma than some politicians.

 

Hear! Hear! And we wouldn’t have them whingeing about how poor they are....

 

That’s it: I’m orf to dismantle the asteroid shelter

 

And today’s thought:

A note for U-Turn Cam-hopefully 

 

 

 

Angus 

 

 

IPSA and austerity: £1.5 billion sprouts: Dahn Unda fuels: Rainwater tax: Smart E Pants: and a Big bike.

Out of atmospheric movement, oodles of lack of warm, overdone on the solar stuff and only a smidge of skywater at the Castle this morn, last day of putting white glossy stuff on the woodwork-just one door and a few yards of skirting to go.

 

Next to the leaning tower of Westminster

Allegedly IPSA (the Independent Parliamentary Standards Authority) has come up with a cunning plan to increase costs during this age of “austerity”, they want to bump up MPs salaries from £65,738 to £92,000 per horriblis annum from 2015 under plans to link politicians’ pay to average earnings.

In a consultation document yesterday Ipsa dismissed the idea that their salaries should be linked to those of higher-earning public sector professionals, such as doctors or head teachers.

It said, however, that there could be a case for a “simple formula” to determine MPs’ pay increases during a five-year parliament.

“There have been suggestions that we could base the level of MPs’ pay on a multiple of national average earnings. We could then also index MPs’ pay so that it would remain at the same multiple of national average earnings each year,” it said.

“At the moment, MPs’ annual salary is approximately 2.5 to 2.9 times national annual average earnings, depending on which measure is used.”

Its review said suggestions for the appropriate multiplier for calculating salaries had ranged “from 1.5 to 4 times national average earnings”.

On the basis that the current average pay is £23,000 a year, four times that amount would produce a pay packet of around £92,000 for MPs.

It also rejected the notion of basing remuneration on performance or time served in the Commons and suggested a link to earnings before entering parliament would “disadvantage some candidates”.

 

But don’t forget- we aren’t all in this together...

 

And right a bit to the place of pointless Pillocks

Apparently bollixed up Blighty may face an extra £1.5 billion bill to pay for the increased costs of Brussels bureaucracy, as governments warn that the cost of pensions for EU officials is set to double.

According to the Torygraph they have seen a confidential letter, signed by Britain and seven other governments, which reveals that they are "very concerned" because the cost of EU pensions is forecast to double to more than £2 billion a year by 2045.

Eurocrats already retire on a gold-plated 60 per cent of final salary scheme – on average £57,000 each – which costs the cash-strapped national governments almost £1 billion a year. But it is growing fast because of the increased number of staff employed as the EU expanded from 15 to 27 countries since 2004.

The letter, from the eight countries that pay more into the EU budget than they get out of it in benefits, also reveals that the European Commission is demanding a 26 per cent increase to pay for the costs of its civil service for the next seven year budget period.

The proposed 2014 to 2020 budget would take the cost of the European civil service from £45 billion to £57bn, an increase that countries say is wrong at a time when national public sector workers are facing job losses and pay freezes or cuts.

 

Fuck orf!!!

 

Dahn Unda

 

An Australian Institute of Petroleum weekly report shows the national price for unleaded petrol rose 0.8 cents to an average price of 146.5 cents a litre for the week ending October 14.

The metropolitan price rose 0.5 cents to 145.1 cents a litre, while the average regional price increased 1.1 cents to 149.3 cents a litre.

CommSec economist Savanth Sebastian says fuel prices are near the highest prices in five months and the likelihood is for more petrol rises.

"The terminal gate (wholesale price) has risen by a further two cents over the past week and it is likely that fuel prices will track highly over the coming fortnight," he said.

The average national terminal gate price for unleaded petrol was 137.9 cents a litre on Monday, up 2.0 cents on a week ago, CommSec said.

He said CommSec forecast the national average petrol price could rise between two to three cents a litre over the next fortnight.

Melbourne had the cheapest unleaded fuel last week, down 1.7 cents to 142.2 cents a litre*, while Darwin remained the dearest, up 0.3 cents to 161.6 cents a litre.

 

*which works out at 90.48p per litre of go juice, lucky buggers, think I will move to Oz and get a job as a barman....

 

Back in united Europe

To the land where they are all in Blighty the Polish Gov is considering a draft law, which stipulates a tax for rainwater. Common citizens, who own a house or an apartment, as well as businessmen and traders, will have to pay for rain. The amount of the tax will directly depend on the square footage of the roof that they have in their property, Noviye Izvestia reports.

The bill was prepared by the ruling party of Poland, Civic Platform. In reality, it does not go about rain - the bill targets the collective disposal of sewage. During rainfalls, the sewage system deals with a significant load which is particularly high at such places as car parks, near major shopping centres and in industrial areas, reports The 8^th Channel.

As an experiment, this procedure has already been introduced in several cities of the country. The majority of ministers believe that the experiment was successful. The residents of Poznan, Koszalin, Bielsko-Biala, Bytom and Vrotslav have paid the tax. They pay an average of $10-15 per year, whereas the municipal budget receives $1.5-2 million, Vesti.ru reports.

 

Do not even think about it Prime Monster...

 

Left to the home of the immovable and the land of the irresistible

Scientists have developed underwear with built-in electrodes that deliver small electric shocks to combat bed sores in patients who are in a coma or who have injuries that have immobilised them.

At the annual meeting of the Society for Neuroscience in New Orleans on Monday, they reported results from a trial of the "Smart-e-Pants" system, a way to reduce the incidence and costs of treating bed sores – also known as pressure ulcers – by electrically stimulating the buttock muscles of patients.

Sean Dukelow of the department of clinical neuroscience at the University of Calgary in Canada, who led the study, said the pants worked so well in the small trial that none of the patients involved got pressure ulcers for the month of the experiment. "Most of them wanted to keep the device after they were done," he said.

 

Wonder if you can wear them back to front?

 

And finally:

 

Right to the place where water-water is everywhere

At 1,650 pounds, this bike built by Wouter van den Bosch of the Netherlands is the heaviest rideable bike in the world -- and was ridden in Arnhem (also in the Netherlands) back in 2010.

 

He’s been smoking some good shit....

 

That’s it: I’m orf to check out Spintronic technology

 

And today’s thought:

Jim fixed it for anyone he could get his hands on

 

Angus

Dear, old NHS: Centrica cashes in: USA UFO: Big Lobster: No pants out East: and Mirror, mirror.

Damp, dismal and a fair amount of positive numbers in the liquid metal gauge at the castle this morn, the Fallic Glu still has its hold on moi, I am “glowing” a bit more than gently and have just returned from the stale bread, gruel and his Maj’s food run dahn Tesco, still dodging the internet robots and watching as the total on the receipt climb to new heights. 

Bit late today-having all sorts of problems with the interweb thingy..

In old, decrepit Blighty

It seems that our NHS may need an emergency cash bailout before the next general election.

And apparently it is all the fault of us old farts: Alien reptile in disguise George (you are all in it, but we are still rich) Osborne reckons that despite the £20 billion cuts and “extra money” for the old girl there will not be enough to provide care for the growing number of elderly patients and meet the rising cost of advanced medical treatments.

Well, excuse me for not shuffling orf this mortal coil.....

Still in the warm wet UK

British gas has seen a 30% fall in operating profits at its residential energy division to a mere £522m.

The firm blamed lower consumption due to good weather and improvements in energy efficiency.

"2011 was a tough year, both for Centrica and our customers," said chief executive Sam Laidlaw.

 I don’t consider a £522m profit “tough”; more like a rip orf....

Left to the home of the unknown and the land of logos

Footage claiming to feature the best UFO sighting ever recorded has been released on YouTube.

Reported to have been captured from a moving car near Roswell, New Mexico – the site of one of the most controversial conspiracy theory incidents in US history − the clip has been viewed over 10,000 times.

Stephen Hannard, of Alien Disclosure Group UK, uploaded the eerie recording of the flying saucer.

He commented: “Possible leaked footage of a UFO arriving then landing at an unknown location in New Mexico.”

His speculation continued: “Could be one of ours, CGI, or could be the real deal. As Always You Decide.”

Odd thing is that this “UFO” seems to have the American “star” on it.

Up a smidge to one of the fishing bits of the States

A giant 27-pound lobster has been caught off the Maine coast, but it won't be going into a pot of boiling water.

Maine State Aquarium Director Aimee Hayden-Rodriques says Cushing shrimp fisherman Robert Malone caught the monster crustacean in his nets Friday. He gave it to the Department of Marine Resources to deliver to the aquarium, which the DMR operates in Boothbay Harbour.

The beast weighed in at 27 pounds and measured nearly 40 inches long. It was dubbed Rocky because it was caught in the Rockland area, but Hayden-Rodriquez says it could have been named for Rocky the boxer because its claws are big enough to pack quite a punch.

Hayden-Rodriquez says Rocky will soon be released into the ocean because he'll fare better in the wild.

Rocky go home....

East to the land of pants

Last week in Taiwan, a gaggle of young girls flaunted their assets on Taipei’s MRT subway line — all in the name of saving the world, of course. Mirroring the famed “No Pants Subway Ride” that has exploded in popularity in New York due to the efforts of groups like Improv Everywhere, the women (and some men) bared legs and smiles to a sea of gawkers in order to raise environmental awareness.

The group boarded the MRT at 9am to the shock of commuters and workers alike, and were surrounded by cameras in no time. When asked about their motives, they responded that they wanted to inject some excitement and liberation into their normally monotonous life, while also promoting energy conservation and reduction of carbon emissions (presumably by attracting attention to Taiwan’s MRT).

Nothing to do with getting on the telly then.....

And finally:

Left a fair way and up a bit

Every year, for 84 days in a row, the sun would disappear behind a 1,600-meter high mountain in the town of Viganella. As a result, the town with 197 inhabitants would be plunged into near-total darkness.

Thanks to the work of Midali, a large eight metres wide by five metres tall mirror has just been installed in November to bring light to this town during winter.

Workers also installed a powerful "altazimuth" computer that would move the mirror around so as to capture the sun's rays and convey them on the town's square for up to eight hours a day

That’ll bugger up the Leccy companies profits....

That’s it: I’m orf to see if I can get cheaper water.

And today’s thought:

Eggstaterrestrial

Angus