Wibble Wankers: Korean Kamikazes: Hanging out in Lima: and More Wibble Wankers.

Coldish, cloudyish and calmish at the castle this morn, after almost two weeks of rest and recuperation which included five days in the four poster sniffing, sneezing, sweating coughing, farting, vomiting and expelling stuff from the rear exit; a course of non penicillin antibiotics, more than a lot of Lemsips and gallons of Tussis medicine I have finally managed to fire up the laptop and see if my one remaining brain cell is capable of stringing more than two words together.

Don’t get too excited-this is a “practise” post, just to see.....

Anyway: 

Up in Geordie land

Where that bunch of gutless, lying, backstabbing, unelected bunch of purveyors of Wibble otherwise known as the LibDems have gathered to try to convince themselves that they are actually in power.

U-Turn Dave’s fag is apparently telling the rest of his “party” that he will soon launch the Youth Contract - a programme designed to help young people into work and slash unemployment.

Calling it a "Liberal Democrat drive for youth jobs", do dah said the £1bn scheme will help get every jobless youngster "earning or learning".

But he will also robustly defend the controversial welfare reforms, arguing that benefit claimants "owe it to the nation" to "strain every sinew to find a job".

And will insist that the financial statement later this month has to slash taxes for ordinary workers and be a "budget for fairness".

However what’s his name’s speech will contain no major new policy announcements but is expected to focus instead on "positioning" the party and outlining its achievements in Government.

That’s going to be a very short speech then.....

East to the land of the Dog’s bollocks

While “working” for Top Gear and supposedly filming a speeding Corvette in Korea two pilots from the film crew found themselves careering towards the ground as they lost control of their helicopter.

Captured on camera by local man Steve Esparaza, the chopper is seen nose-diving before smashing into the ground.

Luckily the pilots were able to walk away from the crash - even remembering to turn off the engine.

Hope the cost of the chopper doesn’t come out of my license fee....

West to the place where Titicaca exists

Hundreds of scantily clad and nude cyclists took to the streets of Peru's capital, Lima, to call attention to safety conditions on the city's roads.

Campaigners say that thousands have been killed on the roads because of reckless driving.

Many of the cyclists painted slogans and signs on their bare skin.

No wonder they are getting wiped out-not a helmet in sight-at least on their heads....

And finally:

Back to the place where “proper” ale comes from

Liberal Democrats at the party's spring conference have decided not to vote on the future of controversial health reforms.

Members voted not to take an emergency motion which urged the withdrawal of the Health and Social Care Bill, which is nearing the end of its passage through Parliament.

Campaigners against the NHS changes won enough support to have their "kill the Bill" emergency motion debated on Sunday at the party's spring conference in Gateshead.

But, under the party's alternative vote system, the attempt failed on second preferences.

Instead a rival motion on the same Bill that calls on Lib Dems to support the changes was selected.

That was put forward by Baroness Williams, who initially had opposed the proposals.

Couldn’t organise a vote in a ballot box....

That’s it: I’m orf not to buy a Raspberry Pi

And today’s thought:

Angus

Top Gear in reverse: More for the EU: Graduating to free work: Big Pussy up North: Stainless virgin: Finger painting: and a stuffed Monkey.

Cold, damp and a smidge dismal at the Castle this morn, things are springing up in the garden that shouldn’t be there until...well spring, and I have purchased a couple of vandalism tools-an axe and a three foot bow saw which will come in very useful when I do a bit of “pruning”. 

The new android phone is not bad, gets the internet OK, works well on hands free, has loads of “apps”-you tube, Google etc, and even makes phone calls...

And Blogger is behaving itself today.

Top Gear is in the wars again

This time the “presenters” have managed to piss orf the whole of India.

During the 90 minute programme, Numpty Clarkson, one of the BBC’s highest paid stars, was filmed speaking to locals while operating a trouser press in his boxer shorts and with a Jaguar with a lavatory fixed to the boot.

The programme makers also put banners on trains reading: “British IT is good for your company”. Another said: “Eat English muffins”. The messages became obscene when the carriages parted, ripping the signs-“shIT is good for your company, and “eat English muff”.

21 July 2011

Letter from Chris Hale, producer, Top Gear to Indian High Commission, London

“Jeremy Clarkson, Richard Hammond and James May will travel across India in three cars filming a light hearted road trip focusing on the journey and the inevitable idiosynacies of the cars they will drive, as well as the country and scenary we see along the way.

“There will be spontaneous interaction between the presenters and their environment, and potentially people they meet along the way. This will be in an incidental manner, not interviews.

“Key ingredients of what we film will be beautiful scenery, busy city scenes, local charm and colour within these locations, areas to illustrate the local car culture that exists in India.”

6 January 2012

Letter from Indian High Commission, London to Chris Hale, producer, Top Gear

cc Mark Thompson, director general, BBC

“The programme was replete with cheap jibes, tasteless humour and lacked cultural sensitivity. This is not clearly what we expect of the BBC. I write this to convey our deep disappointment over the documentary for its content and the tone of the presentation.

“You are clearly in breach of the agreement that you had entered into, completely negating our constructive and proactive facilitation. We strongly protest and expect the BBC to make amends, especially to assuage the hurt sentiments of a large number of people.”

No sense of humour these sub-continentals...

And:

Son of a B....aronet (and alien reptile in disguise) George (my dad’s richer than your dad) Osborne reckons that Britain may need to pour billions of pounds into the International Monetary Fund to give it the resources to deal with more financial crises.

The “chancellor” told MPs, in an appearance before the Treasury select committee, that Britain would be willing to make a contribution if there was a "well-argued case put forward". But he stressed that any extra funds must be used for general purposes, and not to bail out troubled eurozone countries directly – and reminded MPs that he might have to go parliament for approval for any sizable contribution.

"If it is a good case then ourselves and other countries like Japan, like Australia, will look at that, I am sure, favourably,"

Go and get a proper job Osborne.

 

Up in Brummy land

Cait Reilly, who has been looking for work since leaving Birmingham University, was volunteering at a museum until she was ordered to take a work placement at a Poundland store in the city.

The geology graduate spent two weeks stacking shelves and sweeping floors after being told she could lose her benefits if she did not accept the ‘mandatory’ post. She is now asking the High Court to quash regulations that her lawyers claim were created by the government ‘without parliamentary authority’ and ‘forces people into futile, unpaid labour for weeks or months at a time’.

 

The 22-year-old, who was not offered an interview following her placement, told her Jobcentre Plus adviser of her previous retail experience and that she did not want to give up volunteering at the Birmingham Museum and Art Gallery.

 

The Department for Work and Pensions said: ‘Our priority is to help people off benefits and into work. It is simply absurd to suggest that we should not be providing this support and effectively leaving people at home doing nothing.’

 

Poundland was unavailable for comment last night but said earlier: ‘Our partnership with JobCentre Plus is a positive step to get people back into work.’

Yeah right; especiallyif they don't have to pay them...

Up North-ish 

Dog walkers discovered the mutilated carcass of a roe deer on National Trust land near Stroud last week.

The injuries to the neck of the deer and the way the carcass had been consumed are believed to be highly indicative of big cat activity.

Experts have taken DNA samples from the remains of the deer to see whether a big cat, such as a puma or panther, could have killed it.

Local big cat expert Rick Minter, who has visited the site of the discovery at Woodchester Park, said: "It is very helpful to have this forensic study of the deer carcass.

According to Mr Minter "In the event of a close-up encounter, you should stay calm and face towards the animal as you back off, but not threaten or aggravate it.

"The chances are it will have backed off very quickly first."

I do like an optimist....

Over to the warm bit at the bottom of the new world

Some people say they've seen the likeness of the Virgin Mary in a stainless steel wall at a Tampa restaurant coincidentally named Hamburger Mary's,

Streaks on the shiny wall near the kitchen bore an uncanny resemblance to the Madonna, according to two women eating lunch in a nearby booth, The Tampa Tribune says.

The holy vision was so powerful that one woman wept, according to a manager who talked to The Tribune. Both ladies took pictures to savour the moment.

It hasn't exactly become a pilgrimage site like Lourdes, but word has spread in recent days and customers have been eager to see the wall, according to The Tribune.

Some might be surprised that the so-called Mother of God appeared at a diner known for gay karaoke nights and drag-queen shows, but hey, the Lord works in mysterious ways.

No shit.....

Dahn a fair bit

A street artist, who creates amazing landscape pictures in just three minutes despite using nothing but his fingers, has become an online hit.

Fabian Gaete Maureira, from Chile, paints 'fingerscape' images containing mountains, waterfalls, trees and sunsets without picking up a paint brush.

Instead he simply dips his fingers in paint and then applies it directly to sheets of glass rather than canvas.

 Handy.....

 And finally: 

Up a lot

Preston James Phipps was detained by a police officer after he hit the cop with a stuffed monkey.

Police officer Andrew Pirtle was struck by the stuffed animal toy after trying to arrest 24-year-old Mr Phipps, a resident of Des Moines in Iowa, who was seen by Pirtle after robbing a corner store.  

Officer Pirtle had reported seeing Mr Phipps walking out of the store carrying two stuffed animals, but thought nothing of it. It wasn't until he was later informed about a robbery involving the toys that he reacted.

Pirtle approached Mr Phipps questioning him about his recent whereabouts on the Saturday night when the incident took place. It was at this point when the 24-year-old became aggressive towards the officer giving him a right hook... with the stuffed monkey he was holding.

Police reports revealed that Mr Phipps had entered the Git-N-Go convenience store robbing it of not only the two fluffy toys, but also a pair of sunglasses and double packs of smokeless tobacco.

He was charged with fifth-degree theft, disorderly conduct and assault on a police officer.

The monkey was unharmed....

That’s it: I’m orf to wind up the Doomsday clock.

And today’s thought:

Angus

Saturday Snippets

Barking mad, Yellow peril, Prezza, Top Gear and Brits abroad

And here is the weather: sunny, warm and apparently there will be weather all day, and even all night so say the experts.

First up:

Who let the dogs out?

Across the pond in Three Rivers, Michigan a man has been arrested in for barking at a police dog. The Three Rivers Police Department said officers responded Monday evening to an apartment complex to investigate a suspicious situation.

Police said Wednesday in a statement a 26-year-old man in the area "began to torment" a police dog inside the patrol car by barking and shouting at it, causing the animal to become excited and "very aggressive."

The man was arrested and later released on bond. He faces a charge of disorderly conduct.


He was sent home with a bone, a stick and his walkies were curtailed.

Expensive banana

The Crown Prosecution Service spent £20,000 on the trial of a man accused – and later acquitted – of stealing a 25p banana, it has emerged.

James Gallagher, 23, was found not guilty this week of stealing the fruit from an Italian restaurant in Birmingham's Bullring shopping centre before it opened at 8.45am on 13 March.

The two-day trial was heard in Birmingham crown court rather than a magistrate’s court – incurring significantly more costs for the CPS – because Gallagher elected to have his case heard in front of a jury. He said he believed that magistrates would have found him guilty.

Gallagher, from the Handsworth area of Birmingham, said after the trial: "It's shocking, it's just a waste of taxpayers' money. I cannot understand how they've got away with it."

The CPS defended its decision to spend around £20,000 on the case. In a statement, Martin Lindop, the district crown prosecutor for Birmingham, said: "It is not the cost of the item that determines whether we proceed with a prosecution, but whether there is sufficient evidence for a realistic prospect of conviction and it is in the public interest.

"In this case, we felt that there was sufficient evidence and it was in the public interest for the prosecution to proceed."

British Justice at its best

Pot-Kettle-black?

Prezza has come out fighting over climate change, Vital UN climate change talks in Copenhagen are likely to collapse unless rich nations agree a "social justice deal" built around equalising emissions per head in each country, according to the former deputy prime minister John Prescott.

Speaking to the Guardian, Prescott admitted that the formula would require far greater sacrifices by rich nations, especially the US. Prescott, one of three politicians to broker the original UN climate change deal in December 1997, is to become deeply involved in trying to ensure there is a successor to Kyoto.

He met leaders of Barack Obama's climate change team in Washington a fortnight ago, and is due to travel to China on 8 September at the same time as Lord Mandelson, the business secretary.

He will be given an honorary professorship at Xiamen University for his work on climate change.
Prescott will also stage an international conference from 28 September on the principles of a deal for Copenhagen, to be opened by Rajendra Pachauri, the chair of the Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change, and addressed by Al Gore. The conference, organised by the Council of Europe, will have 65 states present.

Prescott is also going to lead a Gore-style campaign in schools in October showing the film The Age of Stupid, starring Pete Postlethwaite, portraying a devastated planet in 2050 owing to world leaders' failure to act on climate change.

So he is flying all over the world, eating copious amounts of food and then telling the rest of us not to fly all over the world or eat copious amounts of food.......

Bottom gear

There is a rumour about that Top Gear will not return after the last episode was shown this week, I hope it is wrong, what I hope will happen is that the presenters will be replaced with “normal” people.

The show used to be interesting, and actually was about cars, but it has degenerated into a farce, Jezza is about as PC as Hitler, and has managed to offend lorry drivers, pikies, and just about any other section of society that constitutes its audience.

All we get now is presenters playing with very expensive motors that are far beyond the means of the majority of motorists, trips to all parts of the globe paid for by the license payers, so that they can enjoy themselves, ridiculous road trips featuring ancient bangers (paid for by the license payer), and inane tests set by the producers (paid for by the license payer).

Jezza, the Hamster and captain slow have become arrogant and inane, and think they are very funny, not in my book, can we not return to the days when a car programme was about cars that we can actually afford, and give information that is relevant to us, and inform the license payer about said cars.

And finally:

Flasher flashed

A Greek woman appeared in court in Crete today accused of setting fire to a British tourist after he allegedly pulled down his trousers in front of her.

Marina Fanouraki, 26, was charged with assault after the incident in the holiday resort of Malia in which she is said to have poured a flammable liquid over the man and set fire to it with a lighter.

Stuart Feltham, 20, from Swindon, suffered second-degree burns and is recovering in a private clinic. He was reported as having suffered burns to his genitals, but the Foreign Office said it understood that his chest and abdomen were injured.

The story made headlines in Greece, where some have hailed the woman a hero. Tension between drunken British tourists and locals in Crete is on the increase. Only last month two British visitors were beaten up in Malia after one crashed a motorcycle into a supermarket.
Fanouraki, a student, turned herself in to police and she appeared in court in Iraklion, the biggest town in Crete, wearing jeans and large dark glasses.

She claims she was acting in self-defence and only threw a drink in Felltham’s face.

Her lawyer said: "He fondled my client's breasts and buttocks and she poured her drink over him and left. Shortly afterward she heard cries and saw her friends trying to extinguish him."
Fanouraki was given time to prepare her defence and will appear again in court next week. When she was released she was congratulated by passersby.

Feltham, a plumber who lives with his parents, was coming to the end of a two-week holiday on the Greek island with five friends when the incident occurred at the Stefanos Hotel, Malia, on Wednesday night. He had been out at a party and returned to the hotel bar.

His father said: "The hotel staff had been very good to them, and he wanted to buy the barman a drink and say goodbye. He was burned from his neck to his bellybutton, and his hair's been singed. He's fine now, and we've spoken to him. The doctors say he's progressing well, and he's in good spirits. We just want him home – we want to look after him."

Last month British officials launched a campaign across the Mediterranean urging tourists to drink sensibly and keep out of trouble. Hotels and bars in destinations including Majorca, Turkey and Crete are stockpiling leaflets, cards and posters produced by the Foreign Office that entreat tourists to "know their limits".

In Greece, where young British tourists account for more than 70% of consular cases, messages such as "drinking makes you more vulnerable to violent crime" have been put on beer mats.
A Foreign Office spokeswoman said of the incident in Malia: "We can confirm that in the early hours of Tuesday a British male national was assaulted in Crete. We understand he suffered burns. He has been receiving consular assistance."

Flaming hell!

Angus

Angus Dei politico

Angus Dei-NHS-THE OTHER SIDE

Killer Chipmunks, Strippers, Mondays, Constipation and Jezza

Weather still iffy, woke up sneezing this morning, have a head ache, temperature, a cough and feel tired, Oh MY God It must be Swine flu, I would ring the “hot line” but I can’t get through, I would go to the web site but it has crashed, what do I do now, I know, I’ll go to bed with some Paracetamol after all it’s only a Summer cold.



First up:

The French Government warns Brits

They are calling for pet shops to be banned from selling the Siberian chipmunk, a small Asian rodent, whose population has surged in France after being abandoned as family pets after being imported from Asia.

Thousands living in the wild in France are believed to be carrying a tick which can lead to Lyme disease.

The disease targets the nervous system and can ultimately prove deadly.

Experts warned the public to be alert to the threat posed by the chipmunks. While impossibly cute, and tempting for visitors to buy or simply pick up and take home, they pose a genuine threat to public health.

"There is a particular problem in the woods around Paris, attributed mainly to people who bought the animals as family pets then got rid of them," said Guy Bruel, a naturalist.

"This is just the behaviour that will lead to the chipmunk getting to Britain in huge numbers, possibly as early as this summer."


You have been warned, but they are nice barbequed with a side salad.

NIMBY

This is known as cutting off your nose to spite your face:

A group of Alloa women who got their kit off, in a charity-fundraising "Calendar Girls" style, are a little miffed that Scottish Women's Aid has declined to benefit from the proceeds.

Domestic abuse victim Morag Hill and business partner Katherine Cram decided to emulate the famous Rylstone Women's Institute 2000 calendar, which raised £2m for charity and spawned a movie in which Helen Mirren cemented her reputation as "least clothed British actress of all time".

Of the 11 women who appear in the "Hair Bares" initiative, "five have suffered domestic abuse", the Scotsman explains. However, when Hill approached Scottish Women's Aid offering £600, she got a bit of a shock.

She explained: "When I phoned... to tell them we had a calendar and I needed to know how we could get the cash to them, the woman on the end of the phone said they would not be associated with it.

"She said that they did not support women taking their clothes off to raise money and that they were a feminist movement. It made me feel really angry."

A spokeswoman for the charity Zero Tolerance, though, described such calendars as "not the right way to highlight feminist issues".

She elaborated: "We would not take money from a calendar like that. We should be showcasing women for their talents and aspirations. Anything that focuses on women's bodies is not helpful.

"We live in a culture where female nudity is everywhere and there is too much female nudity… and not enough celebration of women's brains. It undermines our work to achieve gender equality."

The Alloa Calendar Girls hope to ultimately sell 2,000 copies of their fundraising product, although who will now benefit from the proceeds is not noted


It is for CHARITY you tunnel- visioned NIMBY’s

Choose Wednesday instead

Common beliefs about suicide being more likely on Mondays and during the winter aren't really true; according to new research from the University of California, Riverside — summer is the most common season and Wednesday the most likely day.

July and August are the most common months for suicide, followed by April and May, finds the analysis, online in the journal Social Psychiatry and Psychiatric Epidemiology. It is based on data on almost 132,000 suicides from 2000-2005, from the U.S. Multiple Cause of Death Files, at the National Centre for Health Statistics. The researchers found that 24.6% of suicides were on Wednesdays, with Thursdays the least likely day at just 11.1%.

The analysis, co-authored by sociology professor Augustine Kposowa, will be in print in August.

Kposowa says the common wisdom used to be that suicides were more likely on Mondays because the weekend had ended; however, he says Wednesday is right in the middle of the work week when stress is highest and the weekend is still farther away.

"Thursday is lowest because usually people are in better moods because the weekend is near," he says.

He also says the folklore about more suicides in winter never really was true because much past research has shown that suicide was more likely in the spring.


With the summer we are having I am not surprised!

Hammered at both ends

There’s this Romanian, and he has had a few to drink, and he hasn’t been to the toilet for a while, “I know” he slurs to himself, I'll shove a couple of hammer heads up my arse, that will cure it. So he did.

Later the the intoxicated 48-year-old turned up at his local hospital complaining of excruciating stomach pain.

Worried doctors, in Orlea, southern Romania, carried out scans and were knocked sideways to find he had not one but TWO hammerheads stuck in his rear end.

Hospital spokeswoman Dr Cristina Bontescu said: "He was a bit drunk and said he had been eating cherries that had left him badly constipated (lucky he wasn’t a badger) if you don’t get that it’s your own fault for not reading my blog on a “regular” basis.

Anyway, "He said he had a few drinks to dull the pain and then came up with the idea of poking a hammerhead up his backside in the hope of sorting out the constipation.

"But the hammerhead got stuck and then he came up with the idea of using a second hammerhead in order to try and get out the first - but then he lost the second one as well."

Surgeons had to perform surgery to remove the offending objects.


Lucky he didn’t have access to power tools.

Everybody FLUSH

Jezza, the Hamster and Captain Slow are to recreate the “sewer escape” from the Italian job, in Belfast.

In the 1969 film starring Michael Caine, bank robber Charlie Croker and his gang make their getaway in three Mini-Coopers, tearing through the streets, buildings, rivers and drains of Turin with the police on their tail.

But the Top Gear stars have chosen to race their Minis through Belfast's six-mile sewer network instead.

A spokesman for the hit BBC show told the Daily Star they planned to film the race through the sewer network in the next few weeks.

Top Gear's recreation of one of the most iconic film car-chases of all time will be closer to the original than one might think. Although most of the The Italian Job was filmed in Italy, part of the famous car-chase was featuring Caine was actually shot in a sewer in Coventry.


So when we know the date, will all those in Belfast please flush at the same time.


Angus

Angus Dei politico

Angus Dei-NHS-THE OTHER SIDE

WELL I NEVER!

Talking CCTV camera tells couple to stop having sex A couple were caught having sex in a town centre by a talking CCTV camera - and ordered to stop by operators.

The embarrassed pair, who had been drinking earlier, heard the booming command and immediately stopped before fleeing the scene in Northampton.

Northampton Borough Council has talking cameras trained in three town centre streets to issue warnings about littering, fighting and street drinking.

Most messages are taped recorded but they can also be used by the CCTV operators to issue specific warnings.

Andrew Simpson, Northampton Borough Councillor responsible for CCTV said he was shocked to hear camera operators had spotted people having sex in the street.

He said: ”I certainly wasn’t expecting them to pick up that kind of thing.

”Clearly, I would imagine these people must have had too much to drink and had fairly low inhibitions.

"But at least they stopped when the camera operators told them too.”


Of course they did, it must have seemed like divine intervention.

How to bonk a Beamer or is it mangle a Merc Horny rhino Jango has become a real art lover - after falling for a car dumped in a pond as a sculpture exhibit.

Zoo bosses put the motor in his enclosure as a way of raising awareness about pollution’s impact on animals in the wild but smitten Jango took a shine to the old banger and now treats it like a mate.

Zoo visitor David Rogers said: "He was in the pond for an hour and he kept giving the car affectionate nibbles."

"Then he tried to climb on it from the back and front. Every now and again he would climb out of the water and gallop round his cage for 10 minutes before jumping back in the water. It was like he was trying to show off.

"He also kept trying to push the car out of the water but it's pretty firmly fixed in place," he added.

Zoo bosses asked artists to give visitors a taste of what life is like outside the enclosure gates for the ‘Trouble In Paradise’ exhibition.

Other examples include a railway line running across the bison enclosure and a filthy oil pump in the penguin pen.

They also dumped a rusty bath in the crocodile enclosure and huge oil drums in the aquariums.
“It was hard to get used to the new look enclosures at first as they look more like rubbish tips,” one keeper said.

“But everyone understands the importance of raising awareness of pollution in the wild so it’s a small sacrifice to make.”

Errr…… excuse me but it’s the animals that are making the sacrifice.

Which came first, the chicken or the monster egg? Efel the hen was left a little shell shocked after laying this monster egg...

It took the gingernut ranger 30 minutes to squeeze out the whopper, which at 7oz is three times the size of a normal one.

Owner Gabrielle Needler, 11, of Reigate, Surrey, said: "It normally only takes five minutes. I thought wow that's big."

Efel thought; you should have tried to lay it!

Tight squeeze The 2,850-guest, 122,000 tonne Celebrity Equinox dwarfed the River Ems in Germany as it passed through the locks backwards.

At its tightest point along the course, there were just four metres – not enough room to park a London black cab – between each side of the 317m-long, 37m-wide ship and the riverbank.

It was en-route from shipbuilder Meyer Werft in Papenburg, Germany, to Eemshaven, Netherlands where it will undergo trials before arriving in Southampton for its launch.

"But a real benefit of this event is the opportunity to test the manoeuvrability of the ship at reduced speeds.

"With an average channel breadth of 111m it is a bit like taking a brand-new sports car down winding country lanes.

"It's exhilarating, but not without its share of trepidation."

Yeah right!



And finally:

Top Gear's The Stig 'unmasked' as Michael Schumacher The Stig's real identity has always been a closely guarded secret at the BBC show and many people believe that the white overalls and helmet are shared by several drivers.

Schumacher revealed himself as one of them when the Stig took off his trademark helmet during an interview with presenter Jeremy Clarkson after the audience urged him to show them his face.

The Stig test drives cars around the Top Gear track in Dunsfold Park, Surrey, and trains each week's guest for their lap for the Star in a Reasonably-Priced Car feature.

Former Formula One driver Perry McCarthy was Top Gear's original Stig, who dressed all in black during the first two series.

He was replaced with the current Stig, dressed in white, after he revealed his identity.

No sorry, don’t believe it, the Stig isn’t that good.



Angus

NHS Behind the headlines

Angus Dei politico

Angus Dei-NHS-THE OTHER SIDE

THE SUNDAY SECTION

Would you trust Sir Ranulph Fiennes and Sir Robin Knox-Johnston to light a camping stove? Of course you would but it seems that it is too dangerous for the BBC Scotsman.com News

While filming an adventure show for the corporation, Sir Ranulph Fiennes and Sir Robin Knox-Johnston were stopped from firing up the stove unsupervised in case they had an accident, it was claimed.

They were given a "huge" document warning them about hazards such as tripping over while filming in Afghanistan, Cape Horn and the Canadian Arctic, Sir Robin said.He continued: "Ran and I were told we could not light a Primus stove unless we were supervised.This young man came in and said he was going to supervise and we told him to clear off… or words to that effect."


Good for you.





Top Gear seems to have lost its way Cost forces Top Gear to slam the brakes on Italian Job TOP Gear has pulled out of a daredevil stunt that would have re-enacted the final scene of iconic 1969 film The Italian Job, saying the cost would have been "massively prohibitive".

The scene sees the robbers stuck at one end of a coach with their stolen gold precariously balanced at the other – hanging over the edge of a mountain after sliding off a road.

A spokeswoman for the BBC show said: "We thought it would be brilliant to recreate the Italian Job scene, so we were disappointed when, having spent a lot of time researching all the options thoroughly with the Royal Society of Chemistry, we found that the cost of the stunt was massively prohibitive."

The Society said the bus was to be hung from the lip of a Midlands quarry and it had found volunteers to act as the robbers.A statement from the Society said: "Our volunteer chemists were happy to board the bus in order to push the frontiers of human knowledge.

“Push the frontiers of human knowledge”? More like get yourself on the telly so you can brag to your mates down the pub, and anyway WTF has a coach full of gold hanging off a cliff got to do with cars?


Python fans are in for a treat Something completely old THE Monty Python team is reuniting in a documentary to mark the 40th anniversary of the first broadcast of the BBC show.

Monty Python: Almost The Truth (The Lawyer's Cut) will see the Pythons tell their life stories. The Monty Python's Flying Circus troupe comprised John Cleese, Terry Gilliam, Eric Idle, Terry Jones, Michael Palin and the late Graham Chapman.
Something to look forward to.


A man who says he doesn’t watch (and only uses it for watching DVDs and videos) TV made 885 offensive calls to the BBC over license fee letters Scotsman.com News A MAN with a "massive grudge" against the BBC bombarded it with 885 offensive calls over six months.

Edward Elliot admitted telephoning a call centre using offensive, indecent and menacing language while under the influence of alcohol.One day, he called Capita in Glasgow, which provides a BBC information service, 157 times.

Elliot, 45, who lives in a remote cottage near Newcastleton, Roxburghshire, used sexually explicit language if the calls were answered by women and was abusive to men. A previous hearing was told Elliot was angry at receiving demands for a television licence fee despite claiming he has not watched television for six years.

Asked to explain his behaviour, Elliot claimed he had not watched television for six years and had not had a licence for six years, but had received demands for £1,000 for not paying his licence fee. He said he only used a television to watch DVDs and videos.Elliot's lawyer Rory Bannerman said the calls were made when his client was under the influence of alcohol.

He added: "He expresses remorse and realises his conduct was wholly unacceptable."Sheriff Kevin Drummond sentenced Elliot to 100 hours community service.He had sentence deferred for six months for good behaviour after admitting disorderly conduct and breach of the peace in Hawick High Street on 9 January.


Yeah and I only use my TV for DVDs and Videos too, can I have a refund?



And finally:

From Canada Homes selling for less than new cars WINDSOR, Ont. - Real estate prices in Windsor-Essex are dropping lower than what it would cost to buy a new car.

Mark Imeson, president of the Windsor-Essex County Real Estate Board, says he has seen houses selling for just $25,000.

He blames the low prices on the rising number of so-called power-of-sale properties, which have been taken back by the bank and turned over to the Canada Mortgage and Housing Corp. for sale.

Imeson says some houses are selling for what the lot alone is worth.

He says last month, the majority of real estate sales in Windsor-Essex were for less than $100,000.

But he also says the lower prices could be a catalyst for people thinking of moving into the area.

Maybe something else to look forward to.


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