The benefit of being a millionaire: Noisy is La Mer: Camel balls: and food on the edge.

Positive scrapey-scrapey stuff, negative lack of cold stuff, minus atmospheric movement and just a glimpse of Dawn’s crack this non April fool’s day at the Castle this morn, spent the bank holiday doing sod all, but I did go for a 75 mile drive on the traffic free highways in the sunshine to loosen up the Honda and charge its battery.

I have been thinking of changing the motor for something a bit less old-it’s not going well, so far all I can find are vehicles that have road tax approaching the deficit and insurance that would cost more than Cyprus’s debt. 

Just returned from the stale bread, gruel and his Maj’s food run dahn Tesco, stale bread is now £1.45 per loafy thing, gruel is £0.97 per tinny thing and ten days ago Whiskas meat in gravy was £3.68 or 2 for £6.00, last Thursday it was £3.38 or 2 for £6.00and today it is £3.00 each box, roll on next week, they will be giving it away.

 

The biggest knob at the Dept of Witless Pillocks (DWP)

Otherwise known as the Irritable Bowel Twins reckons that they could live on 53 squids per week (if they had to); he said the Government’s changes to the benefits system were designed to make it “fair”. Payments would continue to rise, albeit by a below inflation at one per cent a year, when they were actually being cut in some other countries, he insisted.

But earlier on BBC Radio 4’s Today programme he was challenged by a man who earns less than £53 per week.

David Bennett, 51, set up a market trading business three years ago after being made redundant as a credit manager.

Despite working up to 70 hours a week, on some days he earned nothing at all.

But the £2,700 the divorced father of two made last year means he no longer qualifies for the full £75 a week housing benefit towards his privately rented flat. The subsidy has been cut to £57 a week and he also has to pay council tax of £5 a week for the first time.

Later, asked by the presenter if he could live on this amount, Mr Duncan Smith, who is married into a wealthy family, replied: “If I had to, I would.”

Soon afterwards, an online petition was launched challenging Mr Duncan Smith to prove himself and the Tories’ claims that “We’re all in this together”, by living on £53 a week or £7.57 a day for at least a year. Posted on the change.org international internet petition site, it quickly gathered more than 11,000 names.

 

But it has to be for at least a month, or two or three....

 Go on sign it-I have.

 

Cruising wimps

Apparently complaints by cruise ship passengers include one by a woman who moaned about the sea being "too loud", it has been revealed.

And a couple accused a captain of being "rude" for sailing off when they had left a note saying they needed more sightseeing time in port, according to cruise travel agency bonvoyage.co.uk.

One woman, having seen that Take-That star Gary Barlow had been on her ship on an earlier trip, demanded an explanation as to why the singer was not on her voyage.

Then there was the man who complained about not getting "an impressive tan" and being unable to swim in the pool each day while on a trip around ... Alaska.

A woman travelling with the company called Celebrity Cruises asked for a refund as there were "no celebrities on board", while a couple wanted compensation after forking out "a lot more money than planned" on staff tips due to the excellent service.

The woman who complained about the loudness of the sea said she had not been able to sleep well on her Mediterranean cruise.

She demanded cabins be "better sound-proofed against the sounds of the sea".

Another female traveller, having booked an inside cabin, then complained about not having a view of the sea and asked for a window to be installed.

 Tossers....

 

Somewhere in Saharan Blighty

A mum got the hump after her seven-year-old daughter was sold a pack of bubblegum called Camel Balls.

The gum is not only shaped like them, but there is also a graphic picture of a camel’s backside on the packet.

Ruby McKenzie’s mum Charlene, 26, said: “I was disgusted as I think that it’s totally inappropriate.

“I am more upset with the company that makes the gum than the shops that sell it.

“It’s OK for adults and a bit of a laugh, but I can’t see the funny side when they are kept in the sweet section of shops where children like Ruby will see them,” added Charlene, of Birmingham.

Paul Southam, managing director of Fini Sweets UK, which distributes Camel Balls, said as a parent he had faced a “moral issue” before agreeing to the deal, but had received only one complaint.

He said. “I do sympathise with the parent here. But it’s supposed to be funny and a bit of a joke.”

 

No sense of humour some people, they could have brought one out called ‘Orses Dick or even Cows C---......

 And finally:

 

East to the land of lots of stuff

There’s a particular mountain in the Hubei Province, 12 km north of the city of Yichang, where you can actually experience fine-dining on the side of a cliff.

Located in the Happy Valley of Xiling Gorge, the Fangweng hanging restaurant offers a breathtaking view of its natural surroundings to adventurers brave enough to set foot in it.

The brick building that acts as an entrance to the Fangweng Restaurant leads the 30-meter-long narrow concrete bridge hanging on the side of a vertical cliff overlooking the Yangtze River.

Luckily, there’s a metal railing you can grab on to while you crawl your way to the actual restaurant. The bridge leads to a dining hall carved into the cliff-side, where most of the tables are set.

Warmly lit by traditional lamps hanging from the ceiling and decorated with Chinese furnishings, the cave itself is a sight to behold, but the main attractions of Fangwen are the two concrete platforms extending away from the cliff, from where diners can see all the wonders of Happy Valley or watch bungee jumpers as they leap off a nearby bridge.

 

Fuck that….

 That’s it: I’m orf to interrogate the fish in the freezer

 

And today’s thought:

From the (old) Tory rich list:

 

No.3 George Osborne- worth £4.3 Million+

Chancellor

His dad Sir Peter co-founded luxury wallpaper and fabrics company Osborne & Little. George has a trust of 15 per cent and stands to inherit a substantial share.

In 2003, when the firm delisted from the London Stock Exchange, it was valued at £12.9m.

George and wife Frances have a home in London's Notting Hill worth around £1.8m and a constituency property (£500k). Her father is life peer Howell of Guildford, a former Minister in Margaret Thatcher's cabinet.

And earns £134,565 as Chancellor - just over £15,000 short of 50p tax threshold.

After 50 years of work pensioners get around £7,500 per year (plus a few extras).

Angus

 

A strike: another strike: Debacle: another Debacle: Old farts house call: Rubbery bacon: and Lockheed’s quantum computer.

Late this non religious morn, took a couple of industrial strength painkillers to battle the elbow agony and zonked out for fourteen hours; the wevver is as usual-gargantuan amounts of lack of warm, gigantic amounts of lack of solar stuff, humungous amounts of lack of atmospheric movement and not a jot of skywater.

 

Apparently U-Turn Cam has managed to piss orf quite a lot of non shirkers

Those who are entrusted with the education of Blighty’s brats are allegedly going to press ahead with industrial action, despite a letter from the education secretary ruling out any retreat over changes to teachers’ pensions and performance pay.

Speaking at the beginning of the National Union of Teacher’s annual conference in Liverpool, general secretary Ms Blower said the union was not backing down.

"We are not rowing back from our position. We have put forward these reasonable demands and we want to talk to him about them," she said.

"Negotiation is about sitting across the table having an exchange and listening to people."

 

How about listening to the parents and children......

 

 And:

 

All across snail mail UK

About 2,000 staff at Post Office Crown offices have gone on strike in a row over jobs, pay and closures.

Members of the Communication Workers Union have walked out at 370 sites in a dispute over proposals to close or franchise out 70 of the branches.

The union said the plans would affect hundreds of jobs and be a further blow for already struggling High Streets.

The Post Office said the union was ignoring "harsh realities", with the offices losing £40m a year.

Crown offices are Post Office branches directly managed by the company - as opposed to locally-run by sub-post offices - mainly based in major High Streets.

The Communication Workers Union (CWU) claimed that staff had not had a pay rise for two years.

 

Neither has anyone else....

 

And:

 

The Irritable Bowel twins

Have admitted that they are no longer seeking to cut Britain’s benefits bill and is simply “managing” the increase in handouts.

The Secretary of the Dept of Witless Pillocks said that, unlike other European nations, the “reality is that this country is not cutting welfare”. He added that “all those on benefits will still see cash increases in every year of this Parliament”.

The Government’s Office for Budget Responsibility has shown that the total benefit bill will be almost £18billion higher in 2015-16 than in 2011-12 – the equivalent of about £1,000 for every household.

He was speaking ahead of the introduction of Universal Credit, which will begin to be rolled out next week and which will initially involve spending more on out-of-work benefits.

 

And talking of “Universal Benefits”

 

More than 4 million small companies have been told they can miss next month’s deadline for complying with the new Real Time Information (RTI) system, which will underpin the overhauled welfare rules.

Universal Credit will replace several existing benefits in a single welfare payment, and is intended to make sure that claimants are always better off in employment than out of work.

To ensure that work always pays more, Universal Credit payments will be adjusted regularly depending on how much claimants are earning in work. HM Revenue and Customs’ current PAYE system only tracks workers’ earnings on an annual basis.

Under the new RTI rules, employers should report wage payments to staff as soon as they are made – information that will then be used to adjust weekly welfare payments.

The Coalition this week admitted that the first pilot scheme for Universal Credit has been downgraded, meaning only one Job Centre will start accepting claims for the new benefit this month.

 

I see that “Plan A” is working well then....

 

Up in Sarf Yorkshire

An old folks’ bingo night descended into farce when two rival players had a punch-up.

Police were called as the OAPs in their late 60s traded blows after one accused the other of shouting “house” too early.

The crinkly clash stunned residents and staff ­gathered for the social evening in a community room of the council sheltered ­accommodation.

Officers were called by a housing official as the situation got out of hand.

One of the bingo battlers was given a warning by the council after the brawl at the home in Greasbrough, South Yorkshire.

Community policeman Simon Ellis said: “It was the first call of our evening shift and it’s definitely not the usual type of call we get.

“We spoke to both parties and gave them advice.

“We just said they can’t be acting like that. One of them will be getting a warning from the council. Staff didn’t want her arrested.”

A council spokeswoman said of the punch-up: “We have given one woman a tenancy warning about her future conduct.”

 

Dangerous game Bingo.....

 

East to the home of Porcus and the land of contraception

A company has produced what they claim is the world's first bacon-flavoured condoms.

The savoury rubbers not only boast a meaty appearance but are said to taste like bacon and are coated in a bacon lubricant.

Seattle-based JD Foods say the product is for "a discerning bacon-lover that hates the smell of coconut and/or have always wanted to bring even more Bacon into the bedroom".

A statement from self-styled 'Bacontrepreneurs' Justin Esch and David Lefkow reads: "Truly the new standard of animal protein themed prophylactics Bacon Condoms are proudly made in America of the highest quality latex and rigorously tested to help ensure the utmost reliability and safety for when you're makin' Bacon.

"And as an added bonus, each Bacon Condom has been generously coated with J&D's baconlube? an ultra premium Bacon flavoured personal lubricant."

 

Johnny good?

 

And finally:

 

Still in the cross hairs of Norf Korea

Lockheed Martin has gorn quantum, they have already bought an early version of the computer from the Canadian company D-Wave Systems two years ago —and  is apparently confident enough in the technology to upgrade it to commercial scale, becoming the first company to use quantum computing as part of its business.

Quantum computing is so much faster than traditional computing because of the unusual properties of particles at the smallest level. Instead of the precision of ones and zeros that have been used to represent data since the earliest days of computers, quantum computing relies on the fact that subatomic particles inhabit a range of states. Different relationships among the particles may coexist, as well. Those probable states can be narrowed to determine an optimal outcome among a near-infinitude of possibilities, which allows certain types of problems to be solved rapidly.

 

Super, smashing, quarks and stuff.....

 

That’s it: I’m orf to test out smell-o-vision

 

And today’s thought:

No ‘Orses in this Chinese grub.

 

 

And don’t forget to time travel one hour into the future tonight.

 

Angus

 

Scraping the bottom of the barrel: Another Ronery Lunatic: Fermented sawdust: Topless feminists: Loads of Sharks: and a Great white with a blonde.

Usual lack of warm, quite a lot of ex skywater, no atmospheric movement and endless amounts of misty stuff at the Castle this morn, after it chucked it dahn Wednesday dark thing and Thursday light thing the interweb thingy went tits up-again which gave me the time to back up the computers and uninstall some no longer used programmes.

 

And Blogger is doing some really strange things with the formatting.

 

And as the annual snatch do-dah is imminent

The word is that “they” are thinking of even more ways to make us poorer, this time it seems that we old farts may be the next target for the Piss Poor Policies of the Millionaires Club Coalition.

Allegedly the ex Eton Wall Game gang may be thunking about freezing not up rating by 1%, all benefits for two years, including disability living allowance and pensions to raise around £9bn, and another idea that has been worked on is taxing benefits. Official Treasury numbers seen by Newsnight show that taxing child benefit would raise £1.5bn, taxing DLA £800m and if you taxed the Winter Fuel Payment (which Vince Cable advocated on Thursday), you would raise £200m.

 

Back in 2010 U-Turn Cam gave these “pledges”

DAVID CAMERON'S PLEDGE TO PENSIONERS

The Government I lead will make sure that older and retired people are treated with dignity and given the quality of life they deserve. This is my pledge to support pensioners.

My Government will:

Increase the value of the basic state pension for all pensioners and help to stop the spread of the means test by linking pensions to earnings. You won’t get a repeat of Labour’s mean 75p rise with us.

Freeze council tax for the next two years, in partnership with your council.

Make it worthwhile to save for a personal pension and get rid of the rules that force people to get a compulsory annuity.

Help people protect their home rather than have to sell it to pay for care.

Take all family homes worth less than £1 million out of inheritance tax.

Increase spending on the NHS every year, which is our number one priority.

Cut paperwork so we get more police out on the beat fighting crime.

Our opponents are trying to scare older people by telling deliberate lies about our plans. So here is a personal promise, from me, about the things we will protect.

I will protect your Winter Fuel Payment.

I will protect your free bus pass and your free TV licence.

I will protect the pension credit.

These vital benefits will not be cut under the Conservatives. You have my word on it.

If he wins the election, Gordon Brown wants to introduce a number of measures which will hit pensioners. A Conservative Government will not penalise pensioners, as Labour are planning to do:

We will NOT introduce a ‘death tax’ of up to £50,000.

We will NOT cut attendance allowance and disability allowance for the over 65s.

 

Discuss...

 

East to the land of the Norf bit of Korea

Apparently Kim Jong-Un is following in his father’s footsteps, and has vowed to scrap all peace pacts with the South after the United Nations imposed tough new sanctions on the country.

The news agency KCNA said he talked of "all-out war" during the visit - and quoted him as telling troops to "make the first gunfire" in response to any attack.

He said the slightest provocation would result in his immediate order for a "great advance" along the frontline, the agency reported.

China, North Korea's only major ally, said it wanted the sanctions to be implemented in full. It agreed to the restrictions after three weeks of negotiations.

 

The ronery little madman went on to say:

The Democratic People's Republic of Korea (North Korea) will make a strike of justice at any target, anytime as it pleases without limit.

"(We) have everything - including lighter and smaller nukes.

"The US imperialists and their allies should not forget even for a moment that they are standing at the crossroads of their life and death.

"(We) will exercise our right to a pre-emptive nuclear attack to destroy the strongholds of the aggressor.

 

Still not taking the tablets then....

 

Dahn a bit to the place where radiation has had no effect on the population

 

The latest thing to make your irradiated skin glow is fermented sawdust baths, “As your body is engulfed in sawdust at a temperature of around 40 degrees Celsius, the body is warmed from the core. This activates your internal organs, apparently optimizing metabolism, increasing your immune strength, and improving circulation. It’s also great for easing constipation and even insomnia. The dry sawdust also promotes the release of sweat without clogging your pores where excess dirt and sebum from your skin is also washed away.”

 

Lovely-wouldn’t want to be the second, or third, or fourth sucker to get in... 

 

Left a whimsy to the Sarf bit of Africa (and even more left to the Sarf bit of America)

Ukrainian feminist group Femen are taking their topless protests around the world, "This year we hope to cover North Africa and South America," said one of Femen's leaders, Anna Gutsol.

The group, which was founded in 2008, came up with the idea of its topless protests almost by accident.

During a demonstration in 2009, Femen activists decorated their backs with slogans and bared them at photographers.

The pictures were a hit, leading the women to come up with an even more outrageous way to get their views across.

Since they turned to face the cameras, the international media - always keen on eye-catching stunts - has given them lavish coverage.

Femen's first moment of glory came in 2010 on the day of Ukraine's tense presidential elections.

Four young women boldly undressed in a polling station just before the arrival of presidential candidate Viktor Yanukovych.

Recently the group has shifted its activism to Western European countries.



Wonder when they are coming to Blighty...I could do with a day out...



  

West to the bit of the States where it is nice and warm

Beaches along the south Florida coast have been shut after thousands of migrating sharks were spotted close to the shore.

Swimmers were ordered out of the water after the sharks - mostly blacktips and spinners - moved into the area as they head north during their annual migration.

Craig Pollock, a lifeguard supervisor in Palm Beach, said: "We don't have a sandbar. A lot of times when we have a sandbar the sharks stay off of the shore a little further.

"Every year we expect annual shark migration to come through this area."

Researchers at Florida Atlantic University said they have counted 15,000 sharks - many as close as 

200 yards from the shore.

Need a lot of chips for that lot...





And talking of big fish that predate

Ocean Ramsey, a shark conservationist based out of Honolulu, swam up to a great white shark to caress the creature and even grab hold of its fin to take a ride through the water. 

An advocate for shark preservation, she released the footage on Valentine's Day as her expression of love for the creatures she fears is misunderstood and at risk of extinction.

She described her dance with the massive animal, saying how in the beginning she watched 'the shark acknowledge and observe me, while I peacefully and calmly allowed it to swim towards me, and then experiencing it accepting my touch, allowing me to dorsal and tail ride,' in her description of the experience. 


'The connection felt as I repeatedly pet and hitched a ride on several of these sharks reminded me of my experience with horses.




Whatever floats you boat-or eats it...



That’s it: I’m orf to shove my Smartphone in the freezer

And today’s thought:

Topless feminist

Angus

Time to cut the cuts: Education goes back in time: Speed cam, cams: Road of many colours: Criminal uniforms: Not a load of bull.

A bit of solar stuff, even less white fluffy stuff, not a lot of lack of cold and not even a drop of wet stuff at the Castle this morn.

Another year has passed at the speed of time for this daft old fart; and at the unexpected age of sixty one I only have another five months and nineteen days and I can apply for my bus pass.

As I wandered abaht the bedroom without my shirt on I could have sworn I saw the glint of a telephoto lens in the distance-I must call my lawyers...

And as this Piss Poor blog is still infesting the Blogosphere it seems that pics of the Royal rectum are acceptable while snaps of the minor Royal Norks are a no-no.

Double standards methinks...

 

All around the leaning tower of Westminster

Allegedly what’s his name has been warned by Liberal Democrat activists that he must not allow George Osborne to impose more welfare cuts in return for securing the party's long-cherished goal of a wealth tax.

The Social Liberal Forum (SLF), which is on the party's left, fears that Mr Clegg, is preparing the ground for a Coalition deal under which the Lib Dems back the Chancellor's plan for £10bn of welfare cuts in return for moves towards a wealth tax such as a levy on homes worth more than £2m.

The SLF will seek to tie U-Turn Cams fag’s hands at the Lib Dems' autumn conference in Brighton, which starts a week today.

 

He should be used to a bit of bondage-after all he did go to public school....

 

And staying with the deputy Prime Monster

Changes to the exam system for 16-year-olds in England will "give parents confidence" in the examinations their children take in the future according to Thingy.

Do-da and Education Secretary Michael Gove are due to unveil the new exam regime.

GCSEs will be ditched in 2015, and replaced with what minister’s claim will be a more rigorous system.Assessment will be based on an O-level style single end-of-year exam.

 

That’s education set back another 25 years then...

 

Left to the state of Maryland

Prince George's County cops announced they are installing new cameras designed to keep a watchful eye on the Maryland counties speed cameras, WTOP reports.

Since April, six speed cameras have been attacked by angry citizens, according to WTOP. One camera was shot at and another burned.

Prince George's County Police Maj. Robert Liberati said he doesn't think people's rage is a result of the cameras, per se.

"The roads are choked; there are lots of drivers on them. I think traffic itself is the cause of frustration [toward speed cameras]," Liberati said. "But, we have a duty to make the roads safe, even if takes a couple extra minutes to get to your destination."

 

Anyone see the flaw in logic?

 

Dahn to the country of naughty trims

And in the town of Manaus the road became a rainbow when a truck carrying 28,000 pounds of paint tipped over.

 Bet Zippy is excited...

 

Up again to the home of jails and the land of private enterprise

Two southeast companies that make U.S. military uniforms are shedding hundreds of jobs, as the government looks to federal inmates for the fatigues.

American Power Source makes military clothing in Fayette, Ala., but its government contract expires in October. Federal Prison Industries – which also operates under the name UNICOR will snag the work, and leave the task to inmates. FPI has the first right of refusal for U.S. Government contracts, under a 1930 federal law.

American Apparel, the Selma, Ala., based military clothing manufacturer closed one of its plants and continues to downsize others due to the loss of some of its contracts to FPI.

According retired Air Force colonel and spokesman Kurt Wilson, the company laid off 255 employees and cut the hours of 190 employees this year alone so private workers end up losing their jobs to prisoners.

 

Has Ken Clarke been in the States recently?

 

And finally: 

Back in bullish Blighty

 

A County Antrim farmer is celebrating after his pet bull made it into the record books for being the shortest in the world.

Ryan Lavery says that Archie, who is 76cms (30ins) tall, was originally destined to be made into burgers but, after he failed to grow sufficiently by Christmas time, the family decided to keep him as a pet.

Despite being officially named as the shortest bull in the world, and being dwarfed by most of the other animals on the farm, Mr Lavery still says that Archie feels he’s the big man, or short bull, on campus.

Ryan said that he was delighted that Archie, a Dexter bull, had made it into the Guinness Book of Records.

'I knew Archie was small but I never realised he was that small,' he said.

 

Bullocks?

 

That’s it: I’m orf to de-virus my desktop...

 

And today’s thought:

All fur coat and no knickers-royal?

 

Grassy arse to Bernard for the pic

 

Angus

Shit for brains Cameron: Her Maj’s order of preference: 30 minute Post Office: Facebook E-Mail addresses: Alpaca Pig: and Red light National trust.

Not as nice as yesterday at the Castle this morn and as it was so nice yestermorn I took a day orf, put a cupful of go juice in the Honda and steered my way sarf to the place where shingle abounds. 

Bit late today as I am chasing a parcel from the United States of Piss Poor Postal Services, more tomorrow...

 

And his Maj bought me a present, I told him to hop it....

It seems that the true nature of fuckwit U-Turn Cam has finally risen to the surface

According to no-nuts Cameron if a Tory Government is elected after the next poll debacle in 2015 some state benefits would be “paid” in kind rather than cash, we are looking at food vouchers folks; other ‘ideas’ are to break the link between benefits and inflation and reducing the amount of money paid to people, withdrawal of housing benefit from under-25s, removing the right for high-earners to keep their council homes, a reduction in the £20,000-a-year cap on housing support and limits on the additional benefit received by families with three or more children to cut the £84bn bill for working-age welfare. 

He also suggested it might be possible to curtail cash payments to those on welfare. "Is it right that we continue to pay the vast majority of welfare benefits in cash, rather than in benefits in kind, like free school meals?" he said.

However, a similar scheme brought in for asylum-seekers had to be dropped after evidence emerged that it stigmatised families.

I have no problem with reducing the welfare bill, but can’t it be done by targeting those who don’t need public money?

The rich(overpaid “managers, CEOs and directors of NHS Trusts, MPs, the sideboard, bankers, GPs, ‘Orspital consultants and many others claiming some of the £12 billion child benefit bill), the fraudsters, or the DLA claimers who do not need it.

Apparently there is a “majority” of consensus in Coalition Blighty for a benefits crackdown, which is fair enough but don’t forget that the way this Piss Poor Policies Millionaires Club Coalition is “governing” the country it may well be you that is in need of a bit of financial support from the State in the near future...what will your view be then?

Up in the Smoke

Her Maj has updated the Order of Precedence in the Royal family, making it clear that the Duckess of Cambridge must curtsy to the Princesses by birth.

Apparently Kate has discovered that there are several women in the Royal family to whom she must show reverence, and when she is not accompanied by Prince William, must curtsy to the “blood princesses”, the Princess Royal, Princess Alexandra, and the ugly sisters (daughters) of the Duck of York, Princesses Beatrice and Eugenie.

When William is with her, Kate does not need to bend the knee to either of them, but she must curtsy to the Prince of Wales, the Duchess of Cornwall, the Queen and the Duke of Edinburgh.

Despite being married to the Queen’s son, the Countess of Wessex will, however, have to curtsy to Kate, even when William is not present.
 

A Buckingham Palace spokesman declines to comment.

Too bloody embarrassed I suppose....

Left more than a pile of miles to the other ‘Ampshire

The hours at the post office in Sugar Hill have recently been cut back to 30 minutes a day, down from a few hours. The post office is open from 10:15 to 10:45 each morning.

New Hampshire's two U.S. senators have written a letter urging the U.S. Postal Service to hold a community meeting in the northern New Hampshire town so that residents, government officials and business owners can ask questions and offer their thoughts on the future of retail postal service there.

 

Just like in “sorry you were out” Blighty then....

 

And did you know?

That Facebook has changed your Email address; you have a new primary e-mail address listed as your Facebook contact, and most likely it’s an address you’ve never used.

The social-networking site has quietly replaced your default e-mail addresses such as Gmail and Yahoo! with your @Facebook.com address, an e-mail service option the company launched a few years ago and synced with Timeline in April.

“As we announced back in April, we’ve been updating addresses on Facebook to make them consistent across our site,” a Facebook spokesperson told Mashable. “In addition to everyone receiving an address, we’re also rolling out a new setting that gives people the choice to decide which addresses they want to show on their Timelines.”

The e-mail address you once listed as your point of contact is now hidden in the site’s database and your assigned @Facebook.com address is highlighted for friends to see. If you ever changed your Facebook vanity URL that serves as the prefix of your Facebook e-mail address (i.e. Facebook.com/John.Smith would be John.Smith@Facebook.com). For those that never added a vanity URL, Facebook has assigned numbers to serve as your email account name.

 I checked my account and they bleedin have.....

Norf of old ‘Ampshire

A one-week-old fugitive piglet has been named Al by staff at Wheelgate Family Theme Park in Mansfield, Nottinghamshire, who are searching for his home and family.

He was found over the weekend seeking comfort with the park's alpacas a spokeswoman for the park said: "As poor little Al is so young and unsure as to how long he had been outside in the cold for, he has required a lot of TLC, which is usually provided by the mother.

"Wheelgate catering manager Jay Bloomfield took on a surrogacy role last night and took little Al home to keep him warm and provide his bottle-feeds at various intervals throughout the night.

"It's been a long night but little Al seems to be merrily bouncing around this morning."

So if they find out where Al comes from will it be a case bringing home the bacon....

And finally:

 

Back in the Smoke

The National Trust has released a mobile phone app that will help guide tourists through the streets of Soho the home of London’s sex industry.

The free device, which can be downloaded on a mobile phone, enables tourists to wander the capital's backstreets listening to outrageous behaviour made famous over the past 60 years.

The “Soho Stories” uses GPS technology to guide visitors through the red light district as they hear colourful stories of sex, violence and wild partying.

It concentrates on events since the 1940s including the development of music, the area’s “many outrageous personalities”, social movements, feminism and homosexual liberation as well as vice and crime.

Listeners, who will be restricted to those aged over 17, will be able to listen to drunken tales from the Groucho Club while another details how gangster “Mad” Frankie Fraser operated his protection rackets.

Other more colourful stories include those of Francis Bacon, the homosexual artist, being whipped and a former vice-squad officer pointing out a phone box that was a front for a crack den.

The organisation charged with protecting Britain’s historic sites, houses and gardens, has created the “no-holds-barred” audio guide in a bid to shed its conservative image and attract younger members.

Spiffing...

 

That’s it: I’m orf to send a few terabits by twisted light

And today’s thought:

My bum is big in this Wimbledon

Angus

Oh Dear!: Pussy security: Wight wants TT: Chenango Chobani Yogurt: Windy motor: and a Lambo lunatic.

Sunny, dry, calm and more than a whimsy cold at the Castle this morn, the butler is not happy because he is back stuffing fat carbon neutral teenagers into the furnace, his Maj has got the hump because the sun hasn’t reached his favourite bit of the grounds where he rolls in the dust, and I am a bit miffed because the windows need cleaning and today has the perfect weather to do it.

According to the Torygraph

The “leader” of the Piss Poor policies Millionaires Club Coalition is considering ordering billions of pounds in extra welfare cuts proposed in a confidential Downing Street policy paper.

The savings will be made from cutting back benefits for people of working age.

The plans include a new crackdown on housing benefit and a “mark two” system of universal credit to help push people off benefits back into full-time, rather than part-time, work. There are also understood to be a range of measures to encourage more women, particularly single mothers, to return to work.

 The author of this future roll of toilet paper Steve Hilton who has buggered orf to California for a while reckons that that another £25 billion can be cut from the welfare budget.

A Downing Street source said: “There is some really radical thinking going on around welfare, which is the most successful area of government policy so far. Why should people only work part time? Why are young people who are out of work not living at home? Why are we incentivising people to have more children?

California dreaming Hilton is regarded as a “blue sky thinker” whose radical and ambitious ideas have infuriated civil servants. Although some of his proposals have been dismissed as too radical and unrealistic, his plans for welfare reform are understood to be highly respected by the Prime Minister.

 

Oh dear.....

Right a lot and dahn a fair way

A South African businessman has got himself some extra protection - a Bengal tiger called Enzo.

The 330lb big cat lives with owner Michael Jamison and his girlfriend Jackie at their home in Brakpan.

They had always wanted a pet tiger - but decided to get one after twice being targeted by armed robbers.

"I feel much safer with Enzo in the house than without him," said Mr Jamison. "I wanted a tiger and then I got one."

One-year-old Enzo is actually a big baby who sleeps with Mr Jamison in his bed, has a cat box and enjoys eating on the kitchen counter.

He gets bottle-fed twice a day as well as consuming around 4kg of meat. He eats rice with chicken or mince alongside the couple's three dogs, with which he is apparently good friends.

My-that is a lot of pussy to have in your bed.....

Back in plan A Blighty-sort of

Motorcycle enthusiasts have started a campaign to bring TT-style road races to the Isle of Wight.

The proposal is to create an event similar to the TT "tourist trophy" races run on the Isle of Man.

The annual Manx festival attracted 37,000 visitors and generated £20m of income this year.

Campaigner Kara Rann said: "When you see the passion and enthusiasm, it's something the Isle of Wight is missing out on and it would certainly benefit".

A Facebook page set up by the campaign attracted 425 supporters in 36 hours.

The group has identified possible race routes which "avoid any villages" and plans to approach the council for backing for the idea.

Bit dodgy-have you seen the state of the roads on the Needles isle?

Left to the home of the Semi and the land of no corners

Along Interstate 88 westbound Monday night, just after 10:30 p.m., Broome County Sheriff's Deputies say a tractor trailer hauling Chobani Yogurt got on the ramp to Interstate 81 too fast. When it rounded a curve, the trailer slid over the embankment and spilled 36,000 pounds of yogurt on the shoulder and down the hillside.

The driver--Oleksandr Brychka, 24, of Lincoln, Nebraska--was able to get out of the cab on his own.

Although it was raining, deputies believe weather was not a factor.

The driver was ticketed with failure to reduce speed and improper lane use.

And for thinking he was Jensen Button...still that will help out the Greek problem a bit.

East more than many, many imperial units

In a small tractor workshop, 55-year-old farmer Tang Zhenping has invented the prototype of a car that he believes could revolutionise China's auto industry.

Mr Tang's model - built in just three months for around £1,000 - is electric.

Its engine uses scrap parts from a motorcycle and an electric scooter, while its steering wheel, upholstery and headlights all come from a Chinese-made Xiali hatchback.

And on the front is a turbine which springs into action at 40mph and produces pollution-free power.

The model has a top speed of 70mph.

The farmer says he dreamed of building an electric car for three decades, but was unable to interest government officials or private investors.

He now hopes car manufacturers will take an interest in his prototype.

"I'm not doing this just for the money," he told Sky News.

"I dream of seeing my car being driven on highways. I want to serve the people."

Ever tried to get to forty in a built up area?

And finally:

Back over to the home of the auto and the land of the rear exit

In the suburbs of Chicago a Lamborghini driver speeds away from the lights before losing control of his vehicle and ending up wedged between two cars.

The accident was filmed by people in the car behind who had started recording when the supercar pulled in front of them at a set of traffic lights.

The driver of the bright yellow Lamborghini Gallardo attempts to turn left at speed before losing control and shooting across the highway into oncoming traffic.

Luckily cars had slowed for the lights and instead of a head on collision the Lamborghini ended up wedged between two oncoming vehicles.

 

Oh dear what a shame.....

That’s it: I’m orf to sniff a robot.

And today’s thought:

Rear exit TT.

Angus