Deluded dick: Deluded Lib Dems: Porsche to porch: Old Motor: Titfer tat: and Couch surfing.

Warmish, wettish and more than a touch wobbly at the Castle this morn, it hasn’t been a good start to this Olympic year-tooth falling out-falling dahn and lying in vomit thing, and now the Fallic Glu-which includes, coughing, falling dahn and lying in vomit, agonising sinus pain and the latest joy is a pulled muscle in the back and after tonking more than a carful of stuff to the “recycling centre” the right elbow has gorn-again.

Roll on 2013...

But it seems that according to no nuts U-Turn Cam

Elf Secretary Andrew Lansley is doing "a very good" job and understands the NHS better than most, David Cameron said today in defence of the under-fire Cabinet minister.

The deaf to all Prime Monster backed his colleague despite an opinion poll showing a majority of voters were in favour of ditching the legislation altogether.

More than two-thirds of people do not trust the Government's handling of the NHS, according to a survey commissioned by BBC 5 Lives’ Victoria Derbyshire programme.

Just 18% of adults surveyed in England think Mr Lansley is doing a good job as Health Secretary.

An ICM poll for The Guardian found that 52% believed the Health and Social Care Bill should be dropped, against 33% who said the Government should press ahead with the legislation.

The other 15% are in ‘orspital and want to get out alive.......

And staying with politicians who live in a parallel universe

Lib Dem activists are preparing an emergency motion for their spring conference urging the party to work towards defeating the NHS reform bill.

It "applauds the hard work being done by Liberal Democrat peers to remove the worst elements" of the Health and Social Care Bill.

It notes the government has "totally failed to convince either the public or NHS staff" of the need for change.

Ministers say the bill, currently going through Parliament, will boost the NHS.

It has been passed by the House of Commons but amended several times by the House of Lords, delaying its progress.

They have more chance of winning the next election-only two or three things need to be “reformed” in the NHS-dump the overpaid “management”, make medics personally responsible for their cock ups, and stop privatising the old lady.

Oh yes-do away with the “Foundation Trust” bollocks and bring ‘Orspitals back under the control of the patients.

Somewhere not in Blighty

The owner of a Porsche sports car got stuck in wet concrete after trying to beat traffic by manoeuvring into an empty lane.

The embarrassed motorist was trying to beat the traffic by driving his 911 Carrera S around a line of stationary cars.

But the lane he pulled into had only just been laid and the £75,000 car got stuck deep in the wet cement, reports The Sun.

The man had to stay in his Porsche while workmen tried to shovel around the wheels before it set any further.

And passers-by in San Francisco, California stopped to point and laugh at the driver.

Cyclist Robert Etzler, who photographed the car, said it was stuck for around an hour.

He added: "Eventually they had to dig out concrete from around and under the car to free it.

Oh yes!

Dahn in the very dry garden of England

A 1961 Ferrari 250 GTE which last passed its MOT in 1975 and has spent over 30 years going rusty in a garage is expected to sell for £60,000 at an upcoming auction.

The old banger which once belonged to famous Hollywood director Agostino De Laurentiis also needs £100,000 worth of work to be restored to its original condition.

Good luck with that...

Up in the Smoke

It seems that “fashion” has hit rock bottom, Welsh milliner Robyn Coles' debut show consisted entirely of nude models wearing only different titfers.

Coles said it was important for her to use models of different shapes and sizes in her show, but admitted her main motivation for getting them naked was for publicity.

Bollocks...

And finally:

Left a lot and up less than that

A 22-year-old man has died after a country road stunt involving a sled-mounted couch went wrong in Quebec's Beauce region Saturday night.

The man was critically injured while riding on the sled-mounted couch, which was dragged by a van down a country road in St. Benjamin, south of Quebec City.

The driver of the van lost control and the sled slid into an oncoming vehicle.

Two other people along for the ride were not injured.

Police say the 21-year-old driver of the van – who fled the scene – has been charged with dangerous driving and fleeing the scene of an accident.

The stunt has been commonly referred to as "couch surfing" in several viral online videos.

Glad I’m just a “couch potato”.

That’s it: I’m orf to toss all my Graphene in the bin

And today’s thought:

Porsche prick

Angus

Bugger the EU: Spooky spots: Toasted Squirrel: Feeling blue in Juzcar: AFDB: and Weather its fashion-or not.

Warmish, wettish and wondrous-ish at the Castle this morn, not a whimsy of white crusty stuff, the study is still holding on to has-been hoo hahs, and his Maj has discovered the delights of playing chase.

Been down to Tesco to stock up on stale bread, gruel and pussy food, only one checkout out of thirty open, the place looks like Japan after a tsunami, and they have moved everything around so that they can fill up every little bit of space with Crimbo stuff.

Apparently Kim Jong Il isn’t any more, mainly because he has kicked the bucket, but at least he won’t be ronery any more....

And Microsoft is going to introduce automatic updates for IE users from January next year.

Nice...

 

Allegedly those Blighty lovers over the channel

Want us to stump up a £25,000,000,000 “contribution” to help bail out the Eurozone.

European finance ministers will aim to agree a new €200 billion (£167.7 billion) loan to the International Monetary Fund as part of a deal to save the single currency.

Three quarters of the money is expected to come from eurozone members, but Britain will also be asked to provide funds.

Figures suggest European Union officials expect British taxpayers to be the second largest contributor. Our beloved unelected Prime Monster has repeatedly promised not to provide any extra funding for the IMF for the specific purpose of saving the euro and Britain is already liable for £12 billion of loans and guarantees to Ireland, Greece and Portugal.

Under IMF rules, Britain would underwrite a portion of loans to struggling countries, but only pay out if they defaulted. Only countries that are members of the IMF and contribute to its wealth can apply for loans.

The Prime Minister has argued that no country has ever lost money by lending to the IMF.

Until now.....

 

Up in the Smoke

Among the nooks and crannies is a garage used by MI5 in the 1970s to get its cars souped-up and kitted out with surveillance equipment.

But the garage near Clapham in south London was later uncovered by the Russians, prompting the Security Service to move their specialist mechanics to ‘somewhere in west London’.

The Londonist Top 10 Spy Sites also features a warren of tunnels underneath Kingsway, near Holborn.

Originally used as air raid shelters, they were taken over by the Inter Services Research Bureau, which served as a front for the research arm of MI6 – aka Q Branch in the James Bond novels.

A more exotic stop on the trail is Polish restaurant Café Daquise in South Kensington, where Russian Cold War spy Yevgeny Ivanov and lover Christine Keeler used to meet.

Keeler was also seeing defence minister John Profumo, an affair which led to his resignation amid fears national security had been compromised.

While some of the buildings in the guide, including MI6’s headquarters at Vauxhall Cross, are already well known to the public, others such as the spy school on Borough High Street would not attract a second glance.

The Millennium Hotel in Mayfair provides a more sinister twist, as it is where ex-Russian spy Alexander Litvinenko was poisoned in 2006.

Spooky...

Dahn in ‘Ampshire

A nutty squirrel was caught red-handed nicking toast by Paul Hawks who took the snap at his home in Fordingbridge, Hampshire.

It had already poked a hole through the middle of the bread and is seen gnawing away at the top of it.

It seemed oblivious to what was going on around it and that moment of sloppiness could have led to a grilling.

It allowed Mr Hawks to grab his camera and take the incriminating shot.

The villainous vermin made off with a piece of toast that was nearly the same size as it.

It was last seen hopping along the patios with the toasty treat in hand.

Looking for some marmalade....

Right a bit and down a lot

The inhabitants of a Spanish village which was painted entirely blue for the filming of box-office smash hit The Smurfs movie voted to keep their houses a vivid shade of azure, instead of returning to traditional white.

The 221 residents of Juzcar, in southern Spain, were promised by Sony Pictures six months ago that their homes would be returned to their former dazzling white state but found The Smurfs animated movie brought them an unexpected lifeline in tough economic times.

Juzcar became the world's first official Smurf Village and, whereas 300 tourists a year would pass through, an estimated 80,000 have been to see "Smurftown" in the past six months.

The village put it to a vote and the inhabitants overwhelmingly decided - 141 in favour to 33 against - that their homes should stay painted entirely in that unique hue, Smurf blue.

 Smurfin....

The latest fashion accessory for those of a “sensitive” nature

Is the AFDB or Aluminium Foil Deflector Beanie, which can apparently shield your brain from most electromagnetic psychotronic mind control carriers.

It seems that AFDBs are inexpensive and can be constructed by anyone with at least the dexterity of an MP.

“This cheap and unobtrusive form of mind control protection offers real security to the masses. Not only do they protect against incoming signals, but they also block most forms of brain scanning and mind reading, keeping the secrets in your head truly secret. AFDBs are safe and operate automatically. All you do is make it and wear it and you're good to go! Plus, AFDBs are stylish and comfortable.”

Already have one, it didn’t work; I got struck by lightning.

And finally: Staying with the fashion thing.

The people that provide us with atmospheric forecasts

Has launched its own fashion range, complete with its famous weather symbols, it combines our national obsession with the weather and the government’s need to bring in more money:

In collaboration with an eco-clothing company, the national weather forecaster has developed a range of T-shirts emblazoned with its famous weather symbols.

Designs include their cloud symbol with a bolt of lightning signifying stormy weather, and a fashionable adaptation of the rainy weather symbol featuring a cloud with rain drops in the shape of cats and dogs.

Another design includes a cloud transformed into an ice cream cone with a lightning rod as the “flake” to “celebrate English summertime”.

The £20 T-shirts are made from organic cotton, manufactured in a wind powered factory on the Isle of Wight by the company Rapanui.

No wonder they keep getting it wrong-too busy pimping up clothes.

That’s it: I’m orf to Google a new motor.

And today’s thought:

Angus

It doesn’t add up: No Big Society-Yet: Great Tits: Bum cracks banned: Kebab and a bit: and Dressing down in Japan.

Yet another spiffing start to the day at the Castle this morn, sunny, warm, calm and comfy, the kitchen is almost empty of broken thingies, and the garden is looking rosy.

My Orange internet connection went live last dark thing, which is why I am a bit late because the “installation disc” that came with my new wireless router wasn’t recognised by bleedin Vista so I had to install it manually, but all is now well and I have W.W.W. speed of near light. 

I have noticed that the Blue Tits, Sparrows, Chaffinch’s and Gold finches seem to have disappeared, they no longer visit for nuts, fat balls and a swim in the birdbath.

Maybe they are on holiday….. 

And his majesty finally crashed out at about 8pm.

 OCR- the knobs that set exam questions seem to have made a Pig’s ear of one Maths problem.

An "unfortunate error" meant maths students were set a question that was impossible to answer in an AS-level exam.

Just fewer than 6,800 teenagers took the paper - set by the OCR exam body - last Thursday.

The error was in an exam paper taken in 335 schools and other exam centres in England, Wales and Northern Ireland and carried eight marks out of 72 being awarded for the paper.

OCR has said it deeply regrets the "unfortunate error" and says it has a range of procedures in place to ensure candidates are not disadvantaged.

A spokeswoman said: "We very much regret that there was a mistake... and that our quality assurance procedures failed to identify this error. 

What “quality assurance”? 

And the question:

Verify the shortest route, for two given conditions, giving values of 32.4 + 2x km and 34.2 + x km. These values should have been 34.3 + 2x km and 36.1 + x km respectively.

The error was not to have included twice the journey between A and B (0.9 km) and the journey between F and G (1.0 km) in the values given.

 Err: right….

 And U-Turn Cams “Big Society” white paper has been put on the back burner.

Apparently “problems” with NHS reforms and opposition from the Liberal Democrats have forced the paper's publication back until July.

In February U-Turn Cam wrote that the white paper would "put in place principles that will signal the decisive end of the old-fashioned, top-down, take-what-you're-given model of public services".

And he wants to place the "burden of proof" on the state to justify why it should ever hold a monopoly on any public service. 

So the NHS won’t be privatised then?

 Back to big Tits

A traffic cone has become the must-have des-res for a family of great tits, who moved into the red and white object in the main driveway of the grounds of Holt Hall, Norfolk.

Chris Blake, head gardener at the field studies centre, lifted the cone to cut the grass and found nine eggs in a nest.

Two weeks later, after a bit of tender loving care from their doting mother, they all hatched into healthy chicks.

The birds have now flown the impromptu nest, leaving the cone free for its next residents to move in - but Mr Blake might just move it to a quieter area so he can mow the lawn. 

So that’s where they have all gone.

 Over to the lone star state

There's no law in Fort Worth, Texas against wearing saggy baggy pants but a new code of conduct prohibits sagging on city buses, myFOXdfw.com reported Wednesday.

Just like the requirement for a shirt and shoes, now those who want to ride "The T" actually have to wear their pants. It's not a campaign. It's the Fort Worth Transportation Authority's new policy.

The authority said if a person refuses to abide by the rule they will be asked leave the loading premises. Otherwise they are considered trespassing.

But the two week old rule is catching some resistance.

Saggy pants fan De'Shawn Miller said he doesn't understand the problem.

"This is something we grew up into," the 16-year-old said. "That's why they don't tell us nothing about sagging. We gonna sag regardless. We ain't disrespectful. That's how we were raised." 

Obviously not with the English language, nor with consideration for others…

Back in Blighty

British chef Andy Bates says he has sourced some of the finest ingredients on the planet - including milk-fed lamb from the Pyrenees - for his creation.

The humble kebab has well and truly had a high-class makeover, with its champagne-infused mint and cucumber yoghurt, and micro cress and lettuce salad.

It also comes with gold-leaf garnish, couer de boeuf tomatoes and barrel-aged yew's feta cheese - a far cry from a few shavings from the traditional elephant's leg rotisseries in most British late-night eateries.

The impressively-expensive dish was unveiled at the launch of the Great Truck Race, a new TV programme focusing on the increasing popularity of the street food truck trend.

It was created to demonstrate how standard street fare can be given a gourmet makeover.

The man behind the king of kebabs said: 'It took a fair bit of time to source the best possible ingredients to ensure that this kebab was the most exclusive one out there, but I loved every minute.'

 And the cost of this “gourmet titbit”-£750.

 And finally: 

East oodles of non metric units

The Japanese government is trying to set a trend by encouraging people to dress casually for work this summer to save energy.

Super Cool Biz has been launched this week with a fashion show in Tokyo to promote the concept.

Models hit the catwalk with examples of energy-friendly work-dress.

Women are encouraged to wear open-toe sandals and men to ditch the traditional tie, a mainstay of Japanese business culture.

The government hopes the move will allow companies to limit the use of air conditioning systems.

"As we are lacking electricity, the Japanese government is asking for a 15% reduction in electricity consumption," environment minister Ryu Matsumoto said.

Energising fashion? 

That’s it: I’m orf to train a Vulture. 

And today’s thought: "It's so bad being homeless in winter. They should go somewhere warm like the Caribbean where they can eat fresh fish all day." - Lady Victoria Hervey

 Angus