Toeing the line: Snooper blooper: Man bites dog: Hand in your headlight holders: Big snake in the Big Apple: and Bear faced intruder.

Cold and clement at the Castle this morn, just returned from the stale bread, gruel and his Maj’s food run dahn Tesco-usual chaos-and as I passed the go-juice bit I see that unleaded has reached £1.40 per litre and the oily stuff is even more expensive.

While I dusted the fire yestermorn I had a bit of a shock-as it is that week where being nailed to several large bits of wood seems to be in certain people’s minds I noticed that the face of him upstairs has appeared on a bit of my coal-oh-err-holy coal hole?

Meanwhile according to ‘experts’ over the pond

Politicians with large big toes are more likely to succeed at the ballot box, American academics from the University of Strangersbarre, writing in the Journal of Biomechanical Politics, claimed to have established a striking relationship between the electoral success of politicians and the length of their largest foot phalange.

Five hundred and eighty seven politicians, mostly at state-level politics, participated in the research. Their careers were monitored over a period of ten years after initial measurements were taken in 1998.

"Our study has shown toe size can be a surprisingly important factor in the career success of a politician," lead researcher Professor Kham Elto said.

Which explains why the Piss Poor Policies Millionaires Club Coalition all have small feet...

 

And U-Turn Cam is in a bit of bovver

Over the half arsed plans for a major expansion of the Government's powers to monitor the email exchanges and website visits of every person in the UK.

Under legislation expected in next month's Queen's Speech, internet companies will be instructed to install hardware enabling GCHQ - the Government's electronic "listening" agency - to examine "on demand" any phone call made, text message and email sent, and website accessed, in "real time" without a warrant. 

That’s me buggered then...

East to the place where they nailed a certain person to several lumps of wood

Officials in Kfar Saba, Israel, have a bone to pick with an unruly suspect after the man bit the police dog sent into a cell to subdue him.

The man was initially detained by authorities for breaching a restraining order issued by his spouse. After the police showed up at the woman's home, the suspect reportedly threatened to jump out of a window and attempted to assault an officer with a screwdriver, according to Ynetnews.com.

After the officers took the suspect to the station, he again became unruly, which prompted them to send in the dog. While the canine cop managed to bring down the man, the suspect still managed to chomp down on the animal's ear.

The suspect kept biting the dog's ear until cops finally pried his jaws away and shepherded the German Shepherd away from its attacker, according to the Jerusalem Post.

Police said the dog suffered very minor injuries to its ear, and has already received treatment.

Num, num...

Back in bra-less Blighty

British charity Oxfam is calling on women in the UK to donate their unwanted bras to help females in West Africa.

British women are hoarding nearly STG1.2 billion ($A1.85 billion) worth of unworn bras, or nine each, according to Oxfam.

The charity's Big Bra Hunt aims to collect one million bras during April with the support of celebrities including Dame Helen Mirren, Zoe Ball and Miquita Oliver.

Many of the bras will be sold in Oxfam's high-street shops across the UK to raise money for the charity's work worldwide. Others will be sent to the charity's Frip Ethique (ethical second-hand clothing) project in Senegal.

A poll for Oxfam found that one-third of all women who have bras they no longer wear keep them because they forget they own them. Ten per cent did not know charities accepted second-hand bras.

Oxfam said the complex manufacturing required to make bras meant very few developing countries produced their own, making them one of the most desirable items in West African second-hand clothing markets.

 

Hanging out in Africa?

Left across the big salty thing

A prehistoric monster snake is making a quick stopover in New York City's Grand Central Terminal.

The full-scale replica of the Titanoboa ty-(tan-uh-BOH'-ah) was unveiled Thursday as a promotion for an exhibition at the Smithsonian's National Museum of Natural History in Washington, D.C.

When it roamed the Earth, the snake was 48 feet long and weighed 2,500 pounds.

Titanoboa was discovered in 2005 among a trove of fossils in one of the world's largest open-pit coal mines in Colombia. It lived more than 60 million years ago when dinosaurs no longer ruled.

The travelling exhibit runs from March 30 through Jan. 6, 2013. A special documentary will air on the Smithsonian Channel on April 1.

The giant reptile heads for Washington on Friday evening.

Good job it hasn’t got any toes-it could be the next President...

And finally:

Up a bit

Louis Reardon got the shock of his life when he leapt out of bed to his son's cries of "Polar bear!"

Mr Reardon said his 29-year-old son, Damien, woke up to the bear breaking open their dining room door in Newfoundland, Canada overnight.

The 55-year-old father said he fired two shots over the bear's head to frighten it.

"A polar bear doesn't usually back down," he said.

His cousin, Daniel Reardon, said the bear broke in doors at three other homes and killed sheep and ducks at a nearby stable without stopping to eat them.

Royal Canadian Mounted Police said wildlife officers shot the bear, which witnesses estimate weighed at least 135 kilograms.

 

Still, it will make a nice rug in front of the fire-but don’t forget to check out your coal...

That’s it: I’m orf to search for giant Octopuses in the moat-just in case.

And today’s thought:

Does my bum look big in this?

Angus