Have you heard the one about the Doctor?: The cost of U-Turns: Ridley road rats: Squealing squaddies: Trillion carat crater: Bedroom car park: and The Salt of the Earth.

The first inkling of solar activity has emerged from Dawn’s crack at the Castle this morn, quite a lot of lack of warm, even less atmospheric movement and a definite dearth of wet stuff.

The garden is in need of a minor fettle, the Honda is in need of a dust and his Maj is in need of a hobby.

 

I see that complaints about Doctors

To the Piss Poor GMC are on the up, according to the Piss Poor GMC report there were 8,781 in 2011 compared to 7,153 in 2010.

The rise is similar to the one the year before and continues a trend which has seen complaints jump by 69% in three years.

But the regulator said there was no evidence to suggest care was getting worse.

Instead, it claimed the rise was down to greater expectations and willingness to complain.

Allegedly nearly 5,000 were closed after an initial assessment, while another 1,537 were deemed not to impair a doctor's ability to practise medicine.

In total, 2,330 were investigated fully - a rise of 13% since 2010.

Only 158 of these have led to doctors being suspended or struck from the medical register with many more ending in warnings or advice being issued.

GPs, psychiatrists and surgeons attracted the highest rates of complaints, while men, and in particular older male doctors, were far more likely to be the subject of complaints than women.

The most complained about topic was the care and treatment given, followed by communication and respect for patients, which both saw large rises in the past year.

 

But the Piss Poor GMC said there was no evidence care was getting worse, pointing out other professions were seeing a rise in complaints too.

 

Oh well that’s alright then, I wonder how many accountants have killed or maimed their “clients”.

 

And U-Turn Cam is costing us more than a smidge of money

According to the National Audit Office the Prime Monster’s plans to halve the sentences of criminals who plead guilty has cost an extra £130million.

The Coalition came into power in 2010 pledging to take measures to tackle “the unsustainable rise in the prison population”.

Part of these plans was to release offenders after half their jail terms were served if they pleaded guilty at their trial. The move would have meant that 6,000 fewer offenders were in jail by 2015.

However in June 2011 the Prime Minister axed the plans to let off early offenders who pleaded guilty, and introduced instead watered down proposals that would see only 2,000 few criminals jailed.

In a report the National Audit Office said that this change of policy will cost the National Offender Management Service an extra £130million by 2015 - essentially the cost of housing an extra 4,000 offenders a day.

 

U-Turn Wanker...

 

Over to the East end of the Smoke

Rats are being sold to the public alongside other forms of illegal and possibly contaminated forms of meat by a popular food market.

Grasscutter rats imported from Ghana were sold to undercover reporters by six butchers and shops on Ridley Road market in the Dalston area of Hackney, east London, together with blow-torched goat and sheep meat known as "smokies".

After seeing footage of the meat, filmed by the BBC, environmental health expert Paul Povey said: "It's all illegal and hasn't undergone health control, hasn't been inspected and may well be contaminated.

Cane rats are regarded as such a delicacy in Ghana that some farmers now rear them in cages. Smokies, which involve an un skinned sheep carcass being flame-cooked without the spine being removed, are banned in the EU on the grounds of public health and animal welfare, have also been linked to gang crime.

 

Num. num, num, yet another step towards the third world...

 

Right a bit to the land that couldn’t take over Europe even if it wanted to

Terrified German squaddies are refusing to go out on night manoeuvres after being driven wild by a pack of young wolves.

The wolves, believed to be brothers, have been using the trainee soldiers in Munster for stalking practice as the troopers carry out black out exercises.

"They sneak up on you and leap on you without a sound. They try to bite our boots off and then run away," explained one victim.

Soldiers have been reprimanded by trainers for squealing in fright as they're ambushed by the three overgrown cubs, giving away their positions.

An army spokesman said the squaddies had received "words of advice" about how to deal with the wolves.

 

How times have changed...

 

Right a bit more to a very large hole in Siberia

 

According to the Kremlin huge stocks of diamonds in a 62-mile wide asteroid crater in Siberia will last for 3,000 years.

Scientist Nikolai Pokhilenko said: "We are talking about trillions of carats, bigger than all known world reserves."

The Popigai crater above the Arctic Circle has lain untapped because the old Soviet Union put all its efforts into making synthetic gems.

Diamond expert Gennady Nikitin said: "The diamonds can overturn everything and it is not clear what will happen to prices in the market."

 

So diamonds aren’t a girl’s best friend anymore then.....there must be enough carats there to feed the world.

 

Back in bollard Blighty

A sleeping couple escaped injury after an out-of-control car crashed into their upstairs bedroom.

The couple were in bed at their home in Epsom, Surrey, when the Lexus rounded a bend, mounted a parked Audi, and smashed into the building.

The silver car punched a gaping hole in the first floor of the house, blasting debris across the bedroom and en-suite bathroom.

A number of other cars were also damaged in the incident, and a post-box, road sign and fence were destroyed.

A structural engineer was called to check the property as police investigated the cause of the accident, which happened at around 3am on Sunday.

One neighbour has described how she heard the early-hours crash.

She said: "It sounded like a plane coming out the sky. I think the car flew about 80ft before it came to rest in the side of the house."

 

Bloody Lexus drivers, really, really expensive alarm call...

 

And finally:

 

East a lot to the sea below sea level

The Dead Sea is located in the Jordan valley bordering Jordan to the east and Israel and the West Bank to the west, and about 55 km southeast of Amman. Aside from the being the saltiest lake in the world, it is also Earth's lowest elevation on land. You have to descend 423 meters below sea level to reach its surface and shores. At 377 meters deep, it is also the deepest hypersaline lake in the world. Dead Sea has a salinity level of 33.7%, which is 8.6 times saltier than the ocean. As much as 340 grams of salt is dissolved per litre of water. The extreme salt concentration prevents any kind of macroscopic aquatic life such as fish and plants to flourish here, though minuscule quantities of bacteria and microbial fungi are present. The water of the lake is so dense that it is impossible to sink in the Dead Sea. In fact, a popular fad among visitors is to have their picture taken while reading a newspaper and floating on the surface of the water.

The Dead Sea is fed by the Jordan River but there is no outlet. Salts have accumulated in the basin, sometimes by percolation through the surrounding earth, gradually building up over the centuries. The water contains more than 35 different types of minerals including magnesium, calcium, potassium, bromine, sulphur, and iodine. The odd chemistry results in the appearance of some striking, but transient, salt crystal formations. In shallow lagoons at periodic intervals, these formations are natural works of art: billions of charged atoms in intricate geometrical formations shaped by nature into unique works of crystalline art.

 

Such as:

And the salt mushroom.

 

 

Is it me or is that a bit rude?

 

That’s it: I’m orf to get the butler to dig a pond.

 

And today’s thought:

This is nice, glad we are in private...

 

 

Angus

Royal Norks-allegedly: Taking the piss: still taking the piss: El Sluggo: Funnel Web hunters wanted: Dead end voting: and Plane daft.

Loads of atmospheric movement, not a lot of lack of cold, even less solar stuff and much less skywater at the Castle this morn.

I think I may have to give up this blogging thing, the old brain cell is seriously on the blink, can’t remember words, forget to do the spell check, forget to add labels, forget what I was going to ramble about, forget to reply to comments, forget to visit/comment on other bloggers and sometimes I forget to blog at all...

 Now what was I saying?

Allegedly while in French France

And even more allegedly Will’s bird got her headlights out on the terrace of a guest house during a brief holiday she enjoyed with the tall bald bloke in France last week.

The couple were staying in Provence at a chateau owned by Lord Linley, the Queen's nephew, ahead of their Diamond Jubilee tour of south-east Asia and the South Pacific on behalf of the Queen.

And surprise, surprise it seems that a naughty person with a camera snapped the royal norks-allegedly.

The magazine's French website showed an image of its new front cover with a heavily pixilated image of a woman with dark hair, it claims is the Duchess, in a bikini apparently about to remove her top.

William and Kate were told about the allegations this morning before they visited they Assyakirin Mosque and had also looked at the images on the website.

Speaking about the royal couple a source said: "They're saddened their privacy has been breached - if it has been breached."

The source stressed it could not confirm if the pictures were of Kate as they appeared to have been taken with a long lens and were pixilated.

 

So what’s all the bleedin fuss about then?

 

What price education?

Apparently the Piss Poor Policies Millionaires Club Coalition has managed to splurge £500 million on private schools for the orfspring of diplomats and military personnel in the last three years.

Ministers last year backed down on plans to scrap the allowance, which costs the taxpayer more than £21,000 per child, as part of public sector spending cuts. Instead they promised to cut the bill through "efficiencies". But research by the Bureau of Investigative Journalism has revealed that the cost of the perk has increased by nearly ten per cent since 2009 and last year stood at £203m across three departments.

The privilege, known as the Continuity of Education Allowance (CEA), exists to support children whose parents work for the government overseas. It covers the costs of schooling abroad and in the UK, but the majority, at least £99m each year, is spent on fees for expensive British boarding schools.

Public schools where the state has subsidised places include Marlborough College, Tony Blair's old school Fettes College and Roedean.

By far the biggest bill for private schooling comes from the Ministry of Defence (MoD), which funded more than £189m of school fees last year. All ranks are eligible for the perk but, because families have to make a contribution of a least 10 per cent, it is overwhelmingly taken up by officers.

Despite promises to make savings on the scheme the total bill has actually risen by £16m since 2008/9 – in part caused by new tax arrangements. It comes at the same time as the Army is in the process of axing 20,000 posts because of budget cuts.

 

Greedy, arrogant, self centred bastards....

 

Up in the cabinet office part of the Smoke

A council chief criticised by ministers for collecting an "unacceptable" £420,000 pay-off has been awarded a senior new job cutting waste in Whitehall.

Katherine Kerswell was last night accused of riding the government "job merry-go-round"; after it emerged she is the new director-general of civil service reform at the Cabinet Office.

Her salary will be £142,000 for the role, which ministers have struggled to fill since April 2011.

The 49-year-old was awarded the new job almost a year after leaving Kent County Council with a £589,000 pay package, including her salary and the hefty pay-off. She had been in the job just 16 months before taking redundancy.

Francis Maude, the cabinet office minister, said she would be leading the Coalition’s plan to improve the civil service set out in June.

“I want to see a Civil Service that is flatter, faster, more digital, more unified, with better capabilities and performance management, focused on outcomes not process, with modern terms and conditions, and which is more enjoyable to work for,” he said.

 No wonder she is fucking laughing...

 

All across beleaguered Blighty

The Spanish slug, that can grow up to 15cm long, is thought to have arrived in salads during the summer – and has already spread as far west as Wales

Giant Spanish slugs that invaded Britain are mating with native ones to create a mutant super slug capable of wreaking crop havoc.

They are also threatening to wipe out local species with new diseases and ­parasites or by simply devouring them

Sylvia Locke, 72, from the Amman Valley in Wales, has seen several in her garden. She said: “We caught them eating snails. It was gruesome.

“Our dog caught one it was so big I thought it was a mouse.”

 

Saw one meself yestermorn but I managed to deal with it by hitting it with half a brick-cheaper than slug poison.

 

Dahn Unda

The Australian Reptile Park wants new recruits in the hunt for funnel web spiders.

The tourist attraction has sent out an SOS to residents across the coast for funnel webs, particularly males, which are milked for their venom used to create anti-venom.

"Usually at this time of year we have been inundated with people bringing in funnel webs, because we have experienced that warmer weather mixed with spring showers which is what they like, but it's been quite dry for the last few weeks so sightings are down," Australian Reptile Park operations manager Tim Faulkner said.

The spiders are milked once a week and it takes about 70 milkings to create a single dose of anti-venom.

If you see a funnel web and want to catch it, Mr Faulkner said it's best to use a glass container.

"We tell people if they feel comfortable collecting them either use a stick or a utensil to help scoop them up and into the glass container, and don't panic ... they won't chase you," he laughed.

 

Sod that....

 

Left to the home of administration and the land of elections

 

Apparently officials in Texas are sending out about 1,800 letters marked "VERIFICATION OF VOTER STATUS."

What you're supposed to do, within 30 days is contact county elections officials and tell them you are not dead.

According to Rich Parsons, director of communications for the Texas Secretary of State's office.

More than 13 million people are registered to vote in Texas, and 76,990 of them were found to be on the "potentially deceased" list. The total includes strong matches (meaning the registered voters name, Social Security number and date of birth were exactly the same as a potentially deceased person) and weak matches (in which some but not all of the elements paired up, maybe a few digits of the Social Security numbers were off).

All of the names were sent to voter registrars across the state. Tarrant County Elections Administrator Steve Raborn says about 4,000 of them came to his office.

Raborn says people in his office searched the list, eliminated many of the weak matches, removed clearly identifiable strong matches from the voter registration rolls and last week mailed letters to about 1,800 people whose life-or-death status was uncertain.

By law, those who don't respond within 30 days will be removed from the voter rolls, although if they show up to vote in the Nov. 6 election they'll still be allowed to cast a ballot and their votes will be counted.

My brain hurts...

 

And finally:

 

Still in the place which thinks it is Dahn Unda

 

A US man is trying to sell his damaged plane online - after landing it upside down in a storm.

The seller, named only as Jim on the Craigslist, wants the equivalent of £10,000 for the 1968 Cessna 172 H.

In the listing, Jim explains in his own way how the plane came to look like a turtle flipped on its back.

"It started out as a bad hair day, ya know kinda windy, got called out to plow, course here in DV (Death Valley) we plow gravel off the road, anyway must have had a twister come thru so I spent the afternoon flipping my plane," he admitted.

Jim goes on to list the extensive list of damaged parts that potential buyers may wish to consider before lodging a bid.

They may be consoled that the plane, currently at Furnace Creek airport in Death Valley, California, has at least now been turned the right way up. 

Must be worth £10, 001 by now then...

 

That’s it: I’m orf to decipher Climate Shuffles

 

And today’s thought:

Worth £21,000 of anyone’s money

 

 

Angus

Kit Kat healthcare: Boldly gone: See You charm school: Copenhaver Castle: Universal plug socket: and Flower power.

Lots of lack of temperature at the Castle this morn, a smidge of atmospheric movement and no wet stuff-yet, apparently the thingy in the Smoke is still dragging on minus Phil the Greek, but her Maj and the rest of her German family will be gathered in Christopher Wrens place for a while followed by a carriage procession and, weather allowing, an RAF flypast. 

Another reason to do away with the License fee...

Dahn in Devon

Torbay ‘Orspital was named acute healthcare organisation of the year in 2011 and about 20 of the hospital's staff celebrated at the awards in London.

South Devon Healthcare NHS Foundation Trust, which runs Torbay Hospital, was recognised in the Health Service Journal awards for "best innovation, ideas and dedication". 

And the reward for the hard working health care staff? -a Kit Kat.

Paul Raybould, from the GMB, said: "Management got a slap-up meal and we got only a 60p Kit Kat.

Chief executive of Torbay Hospital Paula Vasco-Knight said the gift had been "misinterpreted" and she had received hundreds of emails from staff thanking her.

She said: "It's a way of thanking everyone - lots of 'thank yous’ to show that we really appreciate staff.

But not that much apparently.....

Left a lot to the Big Apple

The space shuttle ­Enterprise passes the gateway to New York Harbour on its final journey to a city museum.

It was towed by barge and went past some of the city’s most famous landmarks including the Statue of Liberty, Coney Island and underneath the Verrazano Bridge.

The Enterprise was en route to the Intrepid Sea Air and Space Museum where it will go on display to the public.

How the mighty have fallen....

Back in jubbly Blighty and Norf of the border

Up to 10,000 Glaswegians – from waitresses to taxi drivers – are to be sent on a charm school course where they will be taught how to speak properly, project positive body language and maintain eye contact while talking to visitors as part of the preparations for the 2014 Commonwealth Games.

Over the next two years, the aim is to train thousands of service staff to be polite, helpful and charming to tourists. They will be tutored on accepting compliments gracefully, remembering people’s names and offering tips about tourist hotspots. As part of the course they will also be required to complete a quiz about Glasgow, make pledges on how they can improve their behaviour in the future, and asked to sign off contact with a cheery “enjoy the rest of your day”.

The one-day class, entitled Glasgow Welcomes, costs £25 per person and is based on principles created by the Walt Disney Company.

Mickey Mouse politics....

Back over to the left

A Camelback Mountain castle that has been a financial nightmare for its owners has sold for $1.45 million.

Robert Pazderka bought the 7,900-square-foot Copenhaver Castle on the south-western flank of the mountain and expects to spend $3 million to $5 million renovating the unusual stone fortress with its secret passages, dungeon and a spa the size of a moat in the living room.

It was built by Dr. Mort Copenhaver, an orthodontist, over the course of a decade starting in 1967. The castle sits 1,200 feet above Camelback Road and includes turrets, a drawbridge fire escape and a fireplace that at one time included a 17-foot waterfall.

The property has been a financial albatross for its three previous owners.

Copenhaver put his castle up for sale in 1985 for $7 million, a princely sum at the time, but two years later cut the price to $2.5 million. No buyer emerged, and Copenhaver lost the 1.1-acre property in a bankruptcy when his dental franchise business collapsed.

Jerry Mitchell, who helped develop the Rawhide theme park in Scottsdale, bought the bank-owned castle in 1989 for $985,000 through his Camelback Castle Corp. That entity filed for bankruptcy in 2004.

The Old Standard Life Insurance Co. picked up Copenhaver Castle for $2.6 million in 2005. It was foreclosed on again and sold as an asset of the stockholders when the insurance company was liquidated.

Time to move?

East to the land of many people and returned rubbish

Apparently the Chinese have managed to produce a universal plug socket, which can take Blighty three pin, American two pin, slanted two pin round pin, square pin and any other type of pin you could think of.... 

Wonderful...mind you what the voltage is only him/her upstairs knows....

And finally:

Up from dahn ‘ere in ‘Ampshire

Those tempted to stray among the dazzling display of bluebells at Longleat safari park would think twice with this prowling lion, one of a pride of 12, keeping guard.

“Although the warning signs clearly have no effect on the lions, we hope they will raise a smile among our visitors,” said Ian Turner, deputy head keeper at the Wiltshire attraction.

Pussy posy protector....

That’s it: I’m orf to have a lucid dream.

And today’s thought:

Having a jubbly time.

Angus

Don’t panic!-go juice abounds: Horsing around with Her Maj: Wotta Leica money: Having a MONA Dahn Unda (and dahn a bit more): 250 year old sarnie: and Pussy with your lunch.

Cold, cloudy and much movement of air at the Castle this morn, bit tardy this Monday-woke up late, just got back from the stale bread, gruel and his Maj’s food run dahn Tesco, the Castle grounds are up to scratch and I am knackered-ain’t gardening fun......

Panic not, the go juice deliverers have decided not to go on strike (just)

Unite said its members working for seven distribution firms backed the deal by 51% overall, although drivers in four of the companies voted to reject.

Unite assistant general secretary Diana Holland said: "This narrow vote in favour lifts the threat of strike action, but leaves the companies with no room for complacency. We look forward to the rapid implementation of the Acas proposals which include an industry-wide 'passport'.

"The progress made through negotiation is testament to the brave stance members have taken in the face of growing insecurity and attacks on their profession.  

Along with the other 20 odd million workers who don’t earn fifty grand a year and sit on their arses most of the day....

Up a bit from the Castle to another Castle

Apparently 550 horses and 1,000 dancers and musicians from around the world have performed over four nights for her Maj, a well-known horse lover.

Among the stars at the event, staged inside the private grounds of Windsor Castle, were actress Helen Mirren, singer Susan Boyle and Australian entertainer Rolf Harris.

Celebrating more than 250 Commonwealth and state visits the Queen has made during her reign, the show travelled across the globe, with performances from a Maori troupe from New Zealand to Middle Eastern stunt riders.

The Queen was accompanied by Prince Philip and other members of the royal family including the Duke of York, Princess Beatrice, Prince and Princess Michael of Kent, Princess Alexandra and the Duchess of Cornwall.

Wonder how the latter did in the show jumping? And who her rider was....

Right a smidge to the land which didn’t invade the rest of Europe

A prototype Leica camera has sold for 2.16m Euros (£1.74m), setting a new world record.

It was one of just 25 models created in 1923 as a prototype for the groundbreaking Leica A, which was the first commercially successful compact camera to use 35mm film.

Branded the "null-serie", or 0-Series, only 12 are known to have survived.

The camera was bought by an anonymous bidder at the Galerie Westlicht in Vienna, Austria.

Saturday's bidding started at 300,000 Euros, with an estimate of 600,000 Euros.

But by the time the hammer fell, the bids had escalated to 1.8m Euros. The remainder of the sale price included taxes and fees.

 Wonder how much my old dad’s brownie is worth?

Dahn Unda and Dahn a bit more

Lurks the Museum of Old and New Art (MONA) is located in Tasmania and features around 400 works of art from Egyptian mummies to Young British Artists including Chris Ofili and Jenny Saville.

But allegedly the most talked-about piece is the Cloaca Professional, labelled the "poo-machine." It was built by Belgian artist Wim Delvoye to mimic the actions of the human digestive system.

A series of glass receptacles hang in a row with the machine being "fed" twice a day on one end. The food is ground up "naturally," the way it is in the human body, and the device produces faeces on the clock at 2 pm at the other end.

The smell is so powerful that not many visitors can take it.

The Cloaca is part of a series of at least five similar machines built by the artist, another of which will soon be exhibited at the Louvre. It is the most hated piece in the museum but also the most visited.

The museum, which opened in January 2011, is owned by eccentric and philanthropist David Walsh, who made his fortune as a professional gambler, and features one of the largest private art collections in the world with an estimated value of around a$100 million.

Another much-talked-about piece is the Matrix by Jenny Saville, a full-frontal large painting of a naked transgender man with his modified genitals exposed.

The museum charges A$20 ($20) for entry and has drawn around 389,000 visitors in its first year ($1 = 0.9887 Australian dollars).

 

Sounds like a fun place.....not....

Back in curly edged Blighty

Right a bit from ‘Ampshire the town of Sandwich is staging a re-enactment of the moment when the town's earl was said to have invented the sandwich, to mark the 250th anniversary of the bread-based meal.

Dressed in 18th-century costume, actors today will recreate the night when John Montagu, the fourth Earl of Sandwich - a keen card-player - "called for a slice of beef between two toasted pieces of bread so that he could carry on gaming uninterrupted", says a website for the event.

Legend states that others began asking for "the same as Sandwich" and thus named what was to become a classic foodstuff.

The south-eastern English port town is also holding a sandwich-making competition and concerts of the bawdy and lively tunes favoured by the earl, who also had a penchant for dressing in Turkish robes.

The current earl will host a huge sandwich lunch in tribute to "the fourth earl of Sandwich who, 250 years ago, had his masterly inspiration in creating the universal fast food the world knows and loves", a poster says. 

And luckily you can still get an original 1762 sanger on the chuff chuffs...

And finally:

Right a bit to the place where Waltz’s are the thing (again)

Austria's first cat cafe, where customers can have drinks while playing with cats, opens in Vienna.

The Cafe Neko ("Neko" meaning "cat" in Japanese) opened earlier this month in the city centre.

Customers can stroke and interact with the cafe's five feline hosts, named Sonja, Thomas, Moritz, Luca and Momo, who all came from an animal shelter and now freely roam about the cafe and take naps.

The cafe was opened by Vienna resident Takako Ishimitsu, a 47-year-old woman originally from Nagoya, Japan, who moved to Vienna some 20 years ago. She had to spend three years negotiating with city officials over hygiene issues for the cafe to be allowed to open.

Ishimitsu said she decided to open a cat cafe in order to introduce some aspects of Japanese culture to Vienna.  

Nice, I do like a bit of pussy while I am eating...

  

That’s it: I’m orf to refill my prescription-just in case

And today’s thought:

Just sold my old camera.

Angus

Bedroom tax: Read it: Titanic lawsuit: Tiger snake ball biter: Blue Calcutta: and Charlie Thornstein.

Non weather again at the Castle this morn, the butler has returned from his well earned rest and is once again stuffing fat, carbon friendly teenagers into the furnace and his Maj has discovered the joy of sitting on top of my bladder at four of the am. 

The foreign flu is still running its course-I have this urge to colonise an African country and borrow a nuke or two...

Up in the arse of Commons

Despite the defeat in the arse of Lords the Piss Poor Policies Millionaires Club Coalition is to press ahead with their 'bedroom tax' on under-occupied council housing.

The Lords had originally backed an amendment postponing the housing benefit cut until an offer of alternative accommodation had been refused.

But the ‘government’, which expects 85% of those affected will not be able to move elsewhere because of a shortage of housing, restored the measure - dubbed a 'bedroom tax' by campaigners - in the Commons.

Welfare reform minister David Freud responded by acknowledging that the government did not expect all of the 670,000 affected people to move house. He said claimants had a number of options to try to "make up any shortfall and stay where they are" before housing benefit claimants lose £14 a week if they have a spare room.

Allegedly a DWP spokesperson said.

"The majority of the public agree with the Government's welfare reforms and we look forward to delivering on these radical proposals that will make our welfare system better and fairer."

Yeah right.....

In a horsebox somewhere in Blighty

The Duckess of the bit next to Devon reckons that she loves being able to “forget about everything else” and immerse herself in a novel.

“I spend my life reading to my grandchildren, trying to get them to concentrate. It takes you completely out of yourself.

"You can forget about everything else and bury yourself in a book,” said the Duckess, who is Patron of The National Literacy Trust, the Wicked Young Writers' Award, Booktrust and First Story.

 

Do stop horsing around...

Left even further than the bit next to Devon

An Imperial Beach woman named Princess Samantha Kennedy claims the script of the movie Titanic unlawfully draws from her unpublished biography and family history, and last week filed a lawsuit against Paramount Pictures for copyright infringement.

For the alleged infringement she wants all copies of the movie destroyed, and to be awarded all money made by the movie. The second highest grossing film ever, according to IMDB.com Titanic made $1.8 billion in worldwide box office sales alone after its premiere in 1997.

Kennedy claims the family history and biography was written between 1990 and 1992 and covers generations dating back to the 1800s.

Kennedy claims she only recently saw the movie on television within the last year.

The complaint also requests a preliminary injunction against the studio benefiting from the movie while the matter is being disputed.

 I do like an optimist...

Dahn Unda

A Blighty tourist was bitten "down under" by a killer snake while answering a call of nature in the bush.

The reptile sunk its fangs into Jackson Scott's testicle as he squatted in the dark.

Jackson, 29, of Glasgow, said: "I went into the garden at four in the morning after a night in the pub to save flushing the toilet because water is precious in the outback.

"Just as I finished and was about to tuck everything safely away, it bit me. I had my pants around my knees when I hobbled into Roddy's bedroom. My heart was racing and I was hallucinating.

But when he begged best mate Roddy Andrews to suck the venom out, his pal refused, reports The Sun.

Instead he drove Jackson on a 40-minute life-or-death dash to Hobart where doctors gave him an antidote to the deadly tiger snake poison.

One way to find out whom one's friends are...

East to the land of warmth and many people

Allegedly Calcutta will be painted blue, a local minister has said.

Government buildings, flyovers, roadside railings, and taxis are going to be painted in light blue colour, a minister in the ruling Trinamul Congress government said.

Owners of private buildings will be also be requested to paint them in the same colour, the minister said.

The capital of West Bengal, Calcutta is home to over 14 million people.

"Our leader [chief minister of West Bengal] Mamata Banerjee has decided that the theme colour of the city will be sky blue because the motto of the new government is 'the sky is the limit'," Urban Development Minister Firhad Hakim told The Indian Express newspaper.

Says a lot doesn’t he....

And finally:

Back in Blighty

Back in the days when men were men and bras remained un-burnt, MI5 investigated whether Charlie Chaplin was actually a Frenchman called Israel Thornstein, previously secret files on the Hollywood film star have revealed.

Intelligence officers could find no trace of the actor's birth in Britain despite Chaplin always claiming he was born in London in 1889.

The mystery surrounding his origins emerged when the US authorities asked MI5 to look into the comic actor's background after he left America in 1952 under a cloud of suspicion over his communist links.

But British officers could find no birth certificate and the earliest official record was a passport issued in 1920.

They investigated suggestions he was born in Fontainebleau, near Paris, or nearby Melun, while the Americans claimed his real name was Israel Thornstein and raised the idea he may have been a Russian Jew.

Despite extensive searches, MI5 could find no evidence of any of the claims leaving his true origins a mystery to this day.

A funny Frenchman..........Nah...

That’s it: I’m orf to check “my favourites” for Typosquatting sites

And today’s thought:

Angus

Yacht an idiot: Silly Billy wants war: Cannibal harlequins: Bombing Montecristo: some Chinese bodyguards: and a twenty first century ditty.

Cold and crusty yet again at the Castle this morn, the study is overpopulated with dodgy difference machines, the boiler is nearing the temperature of the sun and his Maj has discovered the joy of putting things in his water bowl.

Just returned from the stale bread, gruel and pussy food run at Tesco, the Elfandsafety would have a field day...

My lovely young lady has just trimmed my locks, and; A couple more inane pics:

  

His Maj skating on the frost.

And a cold statue.

According to the erudite education secretary

We should stump up more than a few million squids to present her Maj with a nice new “Royal Yacht”; Michael Gove believes the present would ‘recognise the Queen’s highly significant contribution to the life of the nation’.

He has written a private letter to Culture Secretary Jeremy Hunt, who is overseeing the celebrations, and to the Deputy Prime Minister Nick Clegg, suggesting celebrations for the Queen’s Diamond Jubilee ‘should go beyond those of previous jubilees and mark the greater achievement that the diamond anniversary represents’.

Bollocks, give her a medal instead-much cheaper.

And:

According to the Express

Silly Billy (baseball cap and room sharing, but not gay) Hague reckons that military action against Iran cannot be ruled out as the rogue state steps up its nuclear threat.

Western governments, including Britain, have moved to step up sanctions over Iran’s nuclear programme, threatening an embargo on its vital oil exports. In response, Tehran has talked of blocking the Straits of Hormuz oil shipment route.

silly Billy said: “We are clearly not calling for or advocating military action. We are advocating meaningful negotiations, if Iran will enter into them, and the increasing pressure of sanctions to try to get some flexibility from Iran.’’

“We have never ruled anything out. We have not ruled out any option, or supporting any option. We believe all options should be on the table, that is part of the pressure on Iran,” he said.

No option then....

And in the gardens of Blighty

There is a real war going on, an explosion in the number of harlequin ladybirds has led to people's homes being infested with the creatures – and threatened native ladybirds.

While the two-spotted and seven-spotted varieties are emblematic of the British countryside, the larger harlequin, first seen in the UK in 2004 and now numbering billions, has become the nation's most abundant species. Rather than feasting on aphids and greenfly, the harlequin also eats lacewings, hoverflies and even other ladybirds.

Rolled up newspaper time.....

Over in the Med

The Island of Montecristo is to be bombed with poison after rat infestation, the uninhabited island, a protected nature reserve lying between the coast of Tuscany and Corsica has been invaded by thousands of black rats.

The rodents are believed to have arrived on the four-square-mile island as stowaways on boats a few years ago but have now multiplied.

Authorities are planning to use aircraft to bombard the island with poison pellets in a bid to tackle the infestation.

The plan is to drop around 26 tonnes of pellets on the island at the end of this month.



Who ‘counted’ the rats on Montecristo then.....

Over to the land of loads of oil and even more people

Female bodyguards from Tianjiao Special Bodyguards/Safety Consultants Limited had their “devil day” training.

This is the company’s first public female bodyguard training session. Tianjiao Special Bodyguards currently has 20 female bodyguards, the majority of them being university graduates. The girls need to undertake 8-10 months of professional training to master enough defence and protection skills in order to provide better service to clients.

Tianjiao Special Bodyguard Company will send the members of this squad of female bodyguards with the best performance to the Israeli International Security Academy to undergo even more professional skills training.

Not that tough, have a look at the pic...

And finally: the reason why I am a bit tardy this day:

Take me back to the old days

In days of yore when I were young

And we were taught to hold our tongue

When state provided heat and light

And chuff chuffs too-coo what a sight

When jobs were many, housing too

And life was simple-unlike ‘noo’

When go juice cost us just a bit

And cars were rare as phoenix shit

And schools were just as bad as now

Apart from caning-what a cow

And phones were things attached by wire

When black hard stuff were used on fire

When the box had just three channels

And our best programmes came in annals

When summer came and summer went

And global weather wasn’t bent

When MPs didn’t seem as bad

Its really changed since I were’ lad

I wish I could go back to then

And keep with me the current gen.

  

That’s it: I’m orf to search for planets

And today’s thought:

Angus