I’m confused: Charlie the lawmaker: Free doughnuts: Tesco go hunting: Denver bunny vandals: and Got an hour to waste?

A modicum of lack of warm, minimal skywater, minus atmospheric movement and masses of cloudy stuff at the Castle this morn, the butler is out collecting fat, carbon neutral teenagers just in case, his Maj is out hunting worms and there will be no post tomorrow-doing several things.

 

I’m very confused

Apparently Son of a B.....aronet and alien reptile in disguise George (I can’t find my arse in this dark room because the torch is broken) Osborne is thinking about giving us 300-400 squids worth of RBS (which we already own) “shares”, or phased disposal or attempts to place the shares in the market – allowing the public to invest their own money in the company but at a discount to the share price at the time.

 

Now: I am confused because “we” gave RBS £45,500,000,000 (without our knowledge) so that the employees could continue to get their nice big salaries and bonuses and we could suffer cuts in welfare, ‘Orspitals, council services and benefits,

And now “they” want to give us a pittance back because “they” don’t have a hope of putting RBS back into the private sector and recouping our money,

According to “A senior government source” (probably the cleaner at No 10):

"There is a realisation that there is no prospect of RBS's share price rising to the level at which we bailed the bank out and it's not good for the bank or the Government to hold on to our stake indefinitely. Obviously a give-away to taxpayers before the election, who after all paid for it in the first place, is very attractive."

In 2008 the Government invested £45.5bn in RBS to prevent the bank from collapsing. RBS shares closed last night at 344p, well below the 500p average at which taxpayers bought their 82 per cent stake. Last night's closing price equates to a £14bn loss.

 Which is why I am so confused because “taxpayers” didn’t buy an 82 per cent stake in the Royal Bank of wankers the piss poor millionaires club coalition did on our behalf and now they want us to take a £14 billion loss because they can’t do their sums.

 

Anyone else confused about this, or is it because they want to orfload this millstone in case Norf of the border gets its independence?

 

And staying with confusing things

Allegedly the Prince of Wales was secretly given a say over dozens of new laws, including those to ban hunting and to introduce the Government’s green deal, the Government has revealed.

A Freedom of Information request disclosed that the Prince has been consulted on an average of three laws every year over the past 11 years. In all he was consulted on 33 laws over past 11 years, far higher than previously disclosed.

Some of our laws that he was arsed about were:

The Energy Bill in September 2011, which passed into law the Government’s green deal which encourages homeowners to take out a loan to make their house more energy-efficient

The Hunting Bill in July 2003, the same month that MPs voted on a free ballot to ban hunting with dogs in the UK.

The Licensing Bill in June 2003, which was criticised for legalising 24 hour drinking after it came into force in November 2005.

The Health and Social Care Bill (July 2003)

Companies Bill (October 2006)

And the Land Registration Bill (February 2002).

 
It seems that being the heir to the Throne old nag loving Charlie is allowed under Britain’s constitution to be consulted on legislation that might affect his private interests.
 

Oh well as long as he can continue to keep his fifteen serfs, and thousands of acres of Blighty then that’s alright then.

 

Norf of the not yet free border

 

The opening of the first Krispy Kreme store in Scotland caused traffic chaos as thousands turned up for the chance of free doughnuts.

Before the store in Edinburgh had even opened its doors at 7am, more than 300 determined people had already braved the elements and formed a queue outside in the driving snow.

Staff served doughnuts to 400 sweet-toothed customers in the first hour alone of the store being opened, but bosses didn't anticipate the feverish popularity of the launch at the Hermiston Gait shopping centre - with traffic queuing on approach roads, including the M8 motorway and A720, for hours on end.

 

Why am I not surprised....

 

Dahn a bit to Warwickshire

 

My favourite retailer Tesco has been hit by another PR nightmare when a horse died after being hit by one of its delivery van drivers.

The crash happened as the supermarket remained at the centre of the horsemeat scandal after traces of horse were found in products labelled as beef.

The Tesco delivery driver hit the hunting horse while it was being exercised in the village of Little Kineton, in Warwickshire.

The exact circumstances are unclear, but the van somehow crashed into the back of the horse, breaking its leg.

The horse, named ‘Miller’, had to be put down following the accident

 

It was then put in the back of the van and taken to the nearest Tesco supermarket (only joking)-(I hope).

 

West to the home of the bunny and the land of the vandal

Bunnies have been wreaking havoc on cars parked at Denver International Airport - eating spark plug cables and other wiring.

The furry creatures have already caused thousands of dollars in damage as wildlife official’s work to solve the problem.

"I see at least dozens every morning," airport shuttle driver Michelle Anderson told KCNC-TV. "They go hide under the cars and the cars are warm."

A spokesperson from an automotive service centre said the rabbits are chewing on the insulator section of the vehicles' ignition cables, which can lead to hefty repair bills.

The station reported that wildlife workers are removing at least 100 bunnies a month while parking companies build better fences and perches for predator hawks and eagles.

Local mechanics have offered a more unorthodox solution for worried car owners.

They say coating the wires with fox urine - available at hunting shops - will deter the creatures.

 

But do not piss on the cables yourself-especially if the engine is running

 

And finally:

 

Got an hour to waste this weekend

 

Then watch the video, I lasted about thirty seconds before I lost the will to live...

 

That’s it: I’m orf to mine the moat for antibiotics

 

And today’s thought:

Oh I say-nice norks, good job there’s not a law against it

 

Angus

One billion Brazil nuts: Acoba on your side-not: Crimbo destruction: Pigeon poo: Water buffalo racing: and the Tesco Turkey.

Even more lack of heat at the Castle this morn, the liquid metal gauge has frozen and the white crusty stuff on the Honda is about an inch thick.

The study still contains enough malfunctioning machines to keep me in stale bread and gruel, and his Maj in pussy food.

And talking of his Maj, he has finally found his killer instinct-on a toy mouse....

Allegedly three core Cable

Has decided to underwrite a billion-dollar loan to one of the world's biggest oil companies, the deal, which will see UK Export Finance guarantee a loan to the Brazilian oil firm Petrobras for deep-water oil drilling, is contrary to a government commitment that the department, which is headed by Vince Cable, the Business Secretary, and the trade minister, Lord Green, would champion British firms involved in green technologies "instead of supporting investment in dirty fossil-fuel energy production".

Petrobras was involved in 18 major oil and gas spills between 1975 and 2001, in which 141 people were killed and about 29 million barrels of oil spilled, according to Greenpeace Brazil. In 2001, the world's largest production platform, owned by Petrobras, exploded, killing 11 workers; it then sank, causing a huge spillage of oil and gas. And in August last year Brazil's oil regulator ordered the firm to suspend operations at one of its platforms because of safety concerns.

It emerged in October that taxpayers' money was also being used to back the development of Russian coal mines, with UK Export Finance underwriting a multimillion-pound project to refurbish and expand two mines in Siberia.

 

And will it bring down the cost of go juice, electricity or gas-not a bleedin chance...

Apparently there is another scandal brewing in the corridors of power

Top public officials involved in awarding companies lucrative contracts - and who then go to work for them

In one of the biggest-spending departments, the Ministry of Defence, almost 250 staff – including 20 generals, admirals or air marshals – have joined defence companies in a single year, new figures show.

And a Sunday Telegraph investigation has established that the organisation supposedly responsible for vetting the most senior “revolving-door” appointments has not vetoed a single application in the last 15 years.

According to the annual reports of the Advisory Committee on Business Appointments (Acoba), it has considered 944 applications for private sector jobs by former top mandarins and ministers since 1996. Of these, 412 were approved with conditions, and 532 – 56 per cent – were approved unconditionally. None was rejected.

Among the most heavily criticised deals of recent years is that for the Royal Navy’s two new aircraft carriers, which will cost taxpayers more than £6 billion, even though one will be immediately mothballed and the other will carry no aircraft until 2020. At least four top military officers and ministers, including the heads of the Navy and the RAF, a former vice-chief of defence staff and the former minister for defence equipment, Ann Taylor, have since joined companies with an interest in the aircraft-carrier project. Their appointments were approved by Acoba.

A spokeswoman for Acoba said that a number of ministers’ and officials’ applications for job approval had been withdrawn because of advice that Acoba provided. These figures were not included in the annual reports, she said.

She added that Acoba’s membership was a matter for the Prime Minister and she defended Lord Lang’s role, saying that in the Dispatches sting “no offer of employment of any kind was made or accepted”, and that Lord Lang would have cleared any such offer with Acoba before taking it up.

Yeah right-but don’t forget “we are..........”

Up a bit to the place where potters aren’t allowed

Landlord Andrew Marler has had his pub partially demolished by a 'violently shaking' 30ft tall Santa Claus.

The inflatable Father Christmas has proved to be a one-man demolition derby with strong winds causing the Santa to pull down tiles from the roof of the Old Manor pub in Potters Bar.

But Mr Marler is keen to keep his decoration - which is unsurprising as it cost him £3,000. However, he is fully aware of the damage it has caused:

'When it is really windy it causes the whole pub to violently shake from side to side and makes a deafening creaking noise.

The sky-high Santa lights up at night and is so colossal it can be seen by passing planes. Six men were needed to lift it onto the chimney where it still has pride of place.

Mr Marler believes it was worth every penny. He said: 'Children ask their parents to take a detour on their way home from school to look at it and commuters can see it from the train.'

58-year-old Mr Marler has been allowed to keep his unique Christmas decoration on the grounds that it remains safe.

 

Maybe that should read ‘on the ground until it is safe’.

Left to the Big Apple

NY cops are getting the bird, Fred, an unmistakable brown and orange pigeon, recently took up residence on a metal fence surrounding the World Trade Centre's memorial plaza -- and has been dive-bombing cops stationed nearby ever since.

Fred's antics have ruffled the feathers of the officers, who were caught jokingly mocking the bird this week. But it looks like the foul-tempered fowl will have the last laugh.

Someone ratted out the bird bullies to police higher-ups -- and cops assigned to the World Trade Centre site were admonished by superiors at their roll calls Thursday and Friday about hurting Fred's feelings.

"Your appearance in public has to be professional," a supervisor chided the cops at the First Precinct station house.

"We're receiving complaints about police officers' demeanour regarding a bird [at the WTC site]," the supervisor added.

Sometimes you are the pigeon, other times you are the statue.....

Keep going left

Makepung is an Indonesian tradition featuring water buffalo races, attracting tourists from far and wide to Bali’s Jembrana region.

Makepung translates into the English word “romp,” which doesn’t come close to explaining this annual event that is so popular that it is professionally managed on a national level.

Once a private game among farmers — who at harvest time diverted themselves with these races while performing the drudgery of ploughing their fields — Makepung has over the years attracted other professions to join in, providing they BYOB (bring your own buffalo).

Must check out the Castle grounds for some "Bubalus bubalis".

 And finally: 

My favourite retailer is at it again

Tesco turkeys advertised as half price are being sold cheaper at rival supermarkets with no discount, it has been claimed.

Rival supermarkets have been found to be selling their own frozen turkeys for around the same price, without a 50 per cent discount attached.

Figures show that a Tesco half-price, extra-large frozen turkey has been reduced to £25 from £50, compared to the equivalent bird sold by Asda at a price £1 cheaper.

Tesco insists that it complied with this rule by selling the turkeys at their full original price during the summer months of August and September – when very few shoppers would want a frozen turkey.

On Friday Tesco insisted the claimed savings are real.

 A bit like the Yeti then.....

 That’s it: I’m orf to pixilate a tank. 

And today’s thought:

Angus

Poor old Blighty

Warm and windy at the Castle this morn, just got back from Tesco on the stale bread, gruel and pussy food run and I am a bit miffed.

Over the weekend they have introduced the “give us a quid or you can’t have a trolley” policy, which is OKish but: they didn’t tell anyone and I didn’t have a quid in change so I had to stagger round with a basket and two of their “small green bags” to get my shopping.

And I suppose that the old guy who collects all the trolleys is now unemployed.

And just to make me feel better a couple of ditties.

Tesco are taking the piss

And it has lost its appeal

If you don’t have a pound you can stagger around

With a basket instead of some wheels

Sales are down but profits are up

Runneth over does their cup

Price drop they say to go is the way

So why has my shopping gone up

Tesco are taking the piss

There really is something amiss

When I have to spend more to get even less

My wallet is now in distress.

And:

There once was a man called Dave

Who thought he was everyone’s fave

He has many millions but still screws civilians

Or should that be billions or zillions

Now Dave is a man with a mission

A bit like nuclear fission

Go the wrong way and goodbye today

As we all go down in decay

And Dave has a mate called Nick

Who is an obnoxious collude

His nose is so brown he takes it lying down

Os standing up if Dave’s in the mood

Dave wants a big society

And we all should act with propriety

To help each other is Dave’s big idea

But Dave is taking the urea

And as Blighty sinks into the sea

Dave and his mates all agree

That the rich will get richer, the poor will get poorer

But that’s how government works you see

Angus

Brown nosed Silly Billy: Brown nosed George O: Hairy Ants: Shopping Obama style: and The Bikini parade.

Lovely and warm and dry yet again at the Castle this morn/afternoon, very, very late posting, mainly because the Angus internet connection went tits up until eleven of the am.

Been to Tesco for stale bread, gruel and pussy food, and saw this outside the entrance, I can’t work out if it is “topiary” or a piss poor attempt to disguise Crimbo.

So much for “their” ‘every little helps’, I bought this pack of washing powder which was labelled as a “price cut”, the last one I bought (admittedly about six weeks ago) cost about a quid, this one cost £1.68-same packaging, same weight, same product....

 

And I stopped and took this on the way home.

 

I see that Silly Billy Hague

Has inserted his facial protuberance into Nick (who?) Clegg’s rear exit, while mumbling-“Faced with a necessary but difficult decision over tuition fees, Nick Clegg stuck with it," "In May, the British people affirmed…that first past the post is the best way of running our democracy. He stuck with our agreement all the same.

"We should always have the generosity of spirit to recognise the contribution he makes in turning this country around." 

Fetch me a bucket.....

And

Son of a B...aronet and reptilian alien in disguise George Osborne has somehow managed to find more than a few quid (£800,000,000) lurking in his piggy bank to fund another year of Council Tax freezes.

Mr Osborne has told Sky News the key to the Government's economic policy remains debt reduction: "We are able to take measures - like on council tax - that can provide help for families.

"But the biggest help I can provide families is to sort out the British economy and sort out the mess that this Government inherited and above all keep interest rates down.

 Har, har fucking har.....but I won’t say anything about job, cuts, tax rises, fuel costs or benefit cuts.

Over the sea to....America

Apparently Hairy, crazy ants are on the attack in the US invading Florida, Texas, Mississippi and Louisiana.

The flea-sized critters are called crazy because each forager scrambles randomly at a speed that your average picnic ant, marching one by one, reaches only in video fast-forward. They're called hairy because of fuzz that, to the naked eye, makes their abdomens look less glossy than those of their slower, bigger cousins.

And they're on the move in Florida, Texas, Mississippi and Louisiana. In Texas, they've invaded homes and industrial complexes, urban areas and rural areas. They travel in cargo containers, hay bales, potted plants, motorcycles and moving vans. They overwhelm beehives — one Texas beekeeper was losing 100 a year in 2009. They short out industrial equipment.

If one gets electrocuted, its death releases a chemical cue to attack a threat to the colony, said Roger Gold, an entomology professor at Texas A&M.

"The other ants rush in. Before long, you have a ball of ants," he said.

Better start putting the kettles on then...

Still over the sea in America

Michelle Obama caused barely a stir in a suburban Target, loading up like a regular mum, casually dressed in a floral-print shirt, yoga pants and sunglasses.

At the Alexandria outlet, just 15 minutes drive from the White House, manager Maria Panagopulof said President Barack Obama's wife shopped almost unnoticed. "People did not approach her - she was very incognito," she said

"The cashier recognised her but she was very unassuming."

A spokeswoman said that Mrs Obama liked to live normally and "it is not uncommon for the First Lady to slip out to run an errand, eat at a local restaurant or ... enjoy the city outside the White House gates". 

Every little helps.... 

And finally:

Dahn Unda

357 bikini-clad women set a new world record for the largest bikini parade on the Gold Coast in Australia.

The event was organised by a local newspaper, the Gold Coast Bulletin.

The bikini-clad women started the parade at a Gold Coast shopping mall, after which the women paraded for the required distance of 1 mile (1.6 kilometres) along Surfers Paradise beach.

Officials from the Guinness Book of World Records were there to confirm that with 357 women in the procession, a new record had been set.

The previous record was set by the Cayman Islands in June 2010 with 331 participants.

 I knew I should have used my air miles up.

That’s it: I’m orf to heal my cracked lawnmower. 

And today’s thought: If a stealth bomber crashes in a forest, will it make a sound?

Angus

Jobs for Brits: Reserving the army: Her Maj and Tesco: New baby boom: Flying water: Payday killer: Meteorite razor: and Jellyfish nuke power station.

‘Tis a lovely start at the Castle this morn, sunny, calm, dry and warmish, the study is empty of all broken/fixed Dells, Acers, HPs and the occasional Mac, the garden is ready to be admired by myself and his Maj, the strawberries are ready to pick, the Honda has been washed and hoovered, my weekend has started.

And as we stagger into the second half of 2011.

I see that Irritable Bowel Smith is on a jaunt to Spain and will apparently tell the Spanish Foundation for Analysis and Social Studies in Madrid that UK businesses should recruit more unemployed young Britons rather than relying on labour from abroad, the work and pensions secretary is to say.

Official figures suggest almost 90% of the 400,000 jobs created in the UK in the past year went to foreign workers.

IBS will add “that the government is determined to create an immigration system "that gives the unemployed a level playing field". 

Ho-fucking-ho.

And U-Turn Cam is considering using reservists to deal with instances such as civil emergencies.

The review, carried out by the deputy head of the armed forces, General Sir Nick Houghton, was commissioned at the time of last year's Strategic Defence and Security Review (SDSR).

He was asked to look at the future role and structure of the Territorial Army and their Royal Navy and RAF equivalents.

As part of the SDSR, the government announced that 7,000 soldiers, 5,000 navy personnel and 5,000 RAF personnel would lose their jobs by 2015.

Part-time troops currently make up 17% of armed forces numbers, but the review is expected to recommend a significant increase in that proportion. 

Methinks I see another U-Turn coming....

Her Maj is to receive a recession-proof financial deal that guarantees it an annual income of around £35m in future years.

Under a shake-up of the royal finances announced by Chancellor George Osborne, the amount paid to the Queen is expected to fall in real terms by 9 per cent by 2015.

The moves were condemned by a Tory MP as risking leaving the monarchy looking like "something to be bought in Tesco". 

Oh dear....looks like she will end up shopping there.

Apparently the UK population is growing at its fastest rate for half a century driven by immigration and an imminent new baby boom.

Almost half a million people were added to the UK population last year – the highest level since 1962 and the start of the last baby boom, figures revealed yesterday.

New migrants accounted for almost half the increase while the number of births hit a 20 year high.

However, the increase in children was also partly down to a rise in migrant mothers meaning immigration had both a direct and indirect impact on population growth, according to the Office for National Statistics (ONS)

The trend means enough people to fill the city of Manchester were added to the country last year and, if it that rate continues, the population will hit the 70 million mark by 2026.

That’ll give Thatcher’s generation something to whinge on about in twenty or so years.

Somewhere over the rainbow

A new invention uses a powerful pump to blast users up to 28ft above a sea or lake wearing a contraption that looks similar to the one sported by Sean Connery in Thunderball.

"We decided at the outset that jet packs are not practical for commuting and should primarily designed for recreation," Jetpack Adventures, the company responsible, explains on its website.

"Intuitive flight controls, inherent stability, and an effective training system means that most student pilots can learn to fly solo within a few minutes of in-water instruction."

A 200-horsepower engine in a 10ft-long 'boat' similar to a jet ski pumps water to the pack through a flexible hose tether.

The Jetlev R200 delivers 500lb-ft thrust of high-volume, low-pressure water to directional nozzles on the pack that weighs 30lbs.

'Fly-by-wire' flight controls allow individuals to take off, make soft turns, hover and land.

The jet pack's engine has a 100-litre fuel tank which lets the user cruise for three hours or blast at full throttle for two hours.

The zany contraption can be rented for $250 (£156) for a half-hour 'flight' or for adrenaline-junkies flush with funds it can bought outright for $99,500 (£62,700). 

That’ll make your eyes water.

According to the Journal of Public Economics mortality rates significantly increased during the week after payday, the three causes of death with the largest increases were substance abuse, external causes (all kinds of accidents) and heart attacks. 

Probably when they see the amount of tax they have paid.

 Somewhere in La-La land

A shaving razor made from meteorite metal and sapphire blades has gone on sale - for more than £60,000.

The $100,000 Zafirro Iridium features solid white sapphire blades which the company claims will "last forever".

They are sharpened using high-energy, ionized particles to create an edge less than 100 atoms in width, 5,000 times smaller than the width of a hair.

While the handle is made primarily from iridium, one of the rarest and strongest metals in existence.

Apart from the extended life, the blades offer additional advantages over conventional steel blades; they are hypoallergenic, impervious to oxidation and corrosion, and very sharp.

Iridium, derived almost exclusively from meteorites, is 10 times more rare than platinum. It is primarily used by the aerospace industry for components such as rocket engines where durability is critical.

It is so rare that the company will produce only 99 of the Iridium line.

Think I’ll stick to my plastic disposables.

And finally:

 North of the border

Both reactors at a nuclear power station have been shut down after "high volumes" of jellyfish were found on seawater filter screens.

The units at Torness power station, on the coast near Dunbar in East Lothian, were closed down manually on Tuesday.

EDF Energy, which operates the plant, said the reactors were shut down as a precautionary measure and there was no danger to the public at any time.

An operation is under way to clear the jellyfish from the waters near the power station and the reactors will be restarted once their numbers have gone down.

An EDF spokesman said: "Reduced cooling water flows due to ingress from jellyfish; seaweed and other marine debris are considered as part of the station's safety case and are not an unknown phenomenon.

Thought my lights dimmed out the other day...

 That’s it: I’m orf to check for Botnets.

 And today’s thought: "If you've never seen an elephant ski, you've never been on acid."

 Angus

King Cobra killer: Easter present: Big Squid: No nuts Numpty: Tesco get done: and a Flying motorcycle.

Sunny, calm and warm at the Castle this morn, extremely late, overslept and had to go to Tesco for stale bread, gruel and His Majesty’s food.

The study is still full of HPs, Acers, Dells and the occasional Mac because I decided to fettle the garden yesterday, the lawns are lawned, the hedges have been hedged, the borders have been bordered and the shrubs have been vandalised.

His Maj decided to help out, and spent the day chasing anything that moved-or didn’t between stealing my chair, and I popped inside to don my stockings and suspenders to fell a twenty foot California lilac that died of athlete’s foot or some other fungal infection a couple of years ago, there is just the four foot stump to sort out, but I ran out of steam, and the Butler doesn’t “do” gardening.

I see that the owner of a Nottinghamshire snake sanctuary has died after apparently being bitten by one of his own animals.

Luke Yeomans, 47, was due to open the King Cobra Sanctuary, in Eastwood, to the public this weekend.

Police confirmed they were called to a property in Brookhill Leys Road, near Eastwood, where Mr Yeomans had suffered a suspected heart attack.

Officers confirmed the snake had been contained and there was no danger to the public.

In an interview with the BBC earlier this year, Mr Yeomans said he had started the sanctuary in 2008, in reaction to the depletion of the snake's natural habitat in the forests of south-east Asia and India.

At the age of 16 he opened his first pet shop, specialising in snakes and other reptiles and two years on he started to breed his own.

"People do say that I am mad but I say it's better than people saying you're bad. I think everything I am doing is good," he said.

Except for the last thing......

Over in the Island of big heads

A drug has been discovered which scientists believe can reverse the effects of premature ageing and could extend human life by more than a decade.

Rapamycin, which has been nicknamed the “forever young” drug, was created from a chemical found in the soil on Easter Island, one of the most remote places on Earth and 2,000 miles off the coast of Chile.

It was used in experiments on children suffering from Hutchinson-Gilford Progeria Syndrome (HGPS), a rare genetic condition in which ageing is hyper-accelerated and sufferers die of “old age” at around 12 years.

Rapamycin is already used to suppress the immune system in organ transplants.

Dimitri Krainc, one of the study's co-authors, said: “Even a small activation of this 'debris removal' system would extend the health and life-span of our cells and organs.” 

Long way to go to get it though..

Up to the land of the brave and the home of the free

Several people were fishing over the weekend just off Florida's Atlantic coast when they pulled up a 23-foot-long squid.

They say they were fishing about 12 miles offshore from Port Salerno when they saw the squid, WPTV reported.

"We pulled up... thought it was something to fish on, a pallet or something like that. We looked at it, all three of us were like 'holy mackerel,' " Robert Benz told WPTV.

The squid’s body is about 11 feet long, and its tentacles were so long, it barely fit into the 23-foot-long boat.

“Nobody believes a fisherman," said Benz. "It didn't seem it had been dead long, the tentacles were still moving and it was sticking to you when we got it in.

The Florida Fish and Wildlife Commission took the squid to a facility in St. Petersburg for a necropsy.

 Isn’t that illegal?

Dahn in Devon

A knife-wielding robber's attempt to rob an off-license shop in Devon is thwarted by the owner's dog.

Eve Watson, 55, and her six-year-old Staffordshire Bull Terrier, Cane, took on the intruder after he jumped over the counter with a Stanley knife demanding money from the till.

The shop owner fought back by grabbing a nearby craft knife, telling the robber, "so you like to play with knives, do you".

Mrs Watson then grappled with the robber and managed to pull down his hood, exposing his face to the CCTV cameras in the shop.

Her dog then joined in, biting the man between his legs before the intruder fled the shop empty-handed.

Apart from his nuts which he put in his pocket.

 Still in the land of the broke and the home of anyone who wants to come here

A married couple conned a major UK supermarket out of more than £1,000 ($1,600) by using the same grocery coupon 63 times.

Nigel and Penny Ward's austerity measures saw them use Tesco Clubcard savings coupons valued at £17.50 at seven stores across the eastern English county of Cambridgeshire, the Cambridge News reported Wednesday.

The Wards, who live in the small village of Fordham, near Newmarket, pleaded guilty to a charge of fraud by false representation from Dec.15, 2010 to June 8, 2011.

The couple, who are both in their 40's, carried out the fraud by using self-service counters to scan the coupon, then leaving a plain piece of paper instead of the used coupon, Cambridge Magistrates' Court was told.

Mary Cleaver, who represented the couple, said, "It was not a sophisticated piece of criminal activity. There was no effort to cover their tracks and they even kept all their receipts."

The case was adjourned until next month for sentencing.

 Oh dear-what a shame.......still every little helps.

And finally: 

Star Wars cometh

Chris Malloy tests out his flying motorbike, which he built entirely in his own garage.

The “Hoverbike” can soar to 10,000ft and fly at 100mph. The inventor and helicopter pilot, 32, from Sydney, spent two-and-half years on the project.

Think I’ll stick to the Honda.

 That’s it: I’m orf to castrate a water boatman.

 And today’s thought: "A Windows user spends 1/3 of his life sleeping, 1/3 working, 1/3 waiting."

 Angus

Show me the money: Our ‘Enry RIP: He’s back: High confidence: Tesco’s toasted burger: and Not for wimps.

Sunny, calm and a bit nippy at the Castle this morn, still no wet stuff from the sky, so the daily watering of the garden continues, and just to prove that I did wash the car at 11am on Friday below is a pic of the finished article.

 I see that Osama bin liner has been topped by the Americans. That will make a difference…..

In Blighty-Bexley to be exact a highly paid council chief executive who was handed a payout on the grounds of "permanent ill health" has since been busily earning more than £200,000 a year in consultancy fees in addition to his £50,000 pension benefit.

Mr Johnson took early retirement from his job as chief executive of Bexley council in November 2007, having been assessed as being "permanently unfit" on health grounds. He had spent the previous six months on sick leave, yet within weeks of leaving his job began working as a consultant for Hammersmith and Fulham council.

By February 2008 he was appointed as interim chief executive of Hammersmith and Fulham Homes (H&F Homes), responsible for running its 17,000 properties.

His temporary role lasted for more than three years and ended only last month. He was paid £950 a day in his full-time role at H&F Homes, and is being kept on as a consultant.

Teresa Pearce MP, whose constituency includes Bexley and who was formerly a senior tax investigator at PricewaterhouseCoopers, said that, while the arrangement is legal, "it's not within the spirit of the law, definitely not". She added: "Within a year of him being judged to be in permanently ill health he was pictured in a hard hat, with a spade, digging, in a brochure for H&F Homes – this is just so barefaced that it's insulting. Whatever he is paid for holding that office should go through the payroll and it doesn't. HMRC should investigate this."

Ah the old “it is in the rules defence”.

And our ‘Enry has sadly passed away at the age of 76, in remembrance I shall be “slashing it all over”, R.I.P.

Over in the shaky bit of the colonies

Arnold Schwarzenegger has announced that he will make a comeback to the big screen, reprising his title role in the Terminator series.

After nearly 30 years since the original James Cameron flick, former California governor and action movie hero Arnold Schwarzenegger promised his fans that he will return with as much violent action as ever.

"I can step very comfortably into the entertainment world and do an action movie with the same violence that I've always done," Schwarzenegger told the LA Times.

The film, at this stage being referred to as Terminator 5, is in a very early pre-production stage but is apparently to be directed by Fast 5 director, Justin Lin.

Or, at Arnie’s age the new film may be called “The Zimmer-inator”

Still “over there”

A male high school student has been thrown out of class for wearing a pair of high heels to give himself "confidence".

Riverview High School principal Bob Heilman convinced the young man, whose name was withheld from the Tampa Bay MyFox affiliate, to take off the shoes.

A teacher had alerted the principal that the shoes were causing a disruption and that the kids were starting to call him names.

Not because the principal disapproved – but because the principal was worried about his safety.

The shoes reportedly gave the boy "confidence", according to a friend.

Whatever floats your boat…..

My favourite retailer

Is about to offer shoppers the ultimate in cuisine- A ­burger that can be popped in a toaster to cook. Tillman’s Toast Me! ­burgers can be put into the toaster straight from the freezer.

The German meat firm’s UK boss Jon Gymer claimed: “There’s nothing else like it out there at the moment.”

Packs of two, costing ­between £1.39 and £1.59, are due to be sold by Tesco later this month.

Bit flammable, hope they come in those paper bag thingy’s.

 And finally:

Designs for a futuristic aircraft seat aimed at gaming fanatics have been unveiled in Germany this week.

A prototype of the “NFW (Not for Wimps)” concept seat is currently on display at the Aircraft Interiors Expo in Hamburg.

The design features a large arc made from lightweight materials, including composite Kevlar and carbon fibre, that rises from the top of a “bucket” seat, extends above the passenger, and holds a state-of-the-art monitor. The gaming station would also work as a “docking station”, allowing passengers to use their own devices.

The seat was created by the British manufacturers Contour Aerospace Ltd and Factorydesign and is expected to appeal to young technophiles.

“NFW is designed to appeal to customers who would rather spend their time on long-haul flights locked in a gaming or viewing experience rather than dropping off to sleep,” said Adam White, director of Factorydesign.

No thanks think I will stick to the train. 

That’s it: I’m orf to reintroduce Cylindraspis, if I can find one. 

And today’s thought: "Cod are not very good swimmers so they are easily overtaken by trawlers and nets." - British government report on why cod fish are disappearing from the North Sea

Angus