Cooking up a caution: How long are your Telomeres?: Rich Rozzers: Clarkson rakes it in: Bionic chicken: Glider boat: and a rusty old bike.

Quite clement at the Castle this morn, back to fixing fuddled fumbles in the study, and his Maj has discovered the joy of blackmailing me into giving him “Dreamies” with every meal.

It seems that if you are an old fart, rich, a “personality” and in with the management

You can snaffle stuff from Tesco with impunity, and yes I am talking about double barrelled Worral Thompson who managed to steal from my favourite retailer on more than a couple of occasions.

According to The Sun, a camera had been set up after he was spotted by staff not paying for some low-value items on a total of five occasions.

He was stopped by guards leaving the store in front of shocked shoppers.

A police spokesman said: "Thames Valley Police arrested a 60-year-old man from High Wycombe following a report of shoplifting offences in Tesco, Reading Road, Henley-on-Thames.

"The man has been issued with a formal caution for these offences."

A Tesco spokesman said: "It's a matter for police."

A-w-t said “"I am not the first and I certainly won't be the last person to do something without rhyme or reason - what went through my head, only time will tell.”

 Yeah-about five times apparently.

And: 

North of the border

Scientists at Glasgow University say they have found a key genetic indicator of how long an individual will live.

They say the lengths of tiny pieces of DNA called telomeres indicate whether a young creature is likely to live long into old age.

But before you rush out to get your telomeres stretched - were such a process possible - it is worth pointing out that the creatures they have been working with are not humans but altogether shorter-lived zebra finches.

At the ends of each chromosome lie the telomeres. They have been likened to the caps on the ends of shoelaces - they stop things from unravelling.

Over time they wear down - and when they do, the DNA they protect is compromised and the cell can malfunction or die.

 

 Think my laces are broken.....

Back dahn sarf

It seems that more than half of police officers are paid £38,000 a year or above, putting them in the top 20 per cent of earners, new figures show.

And almost half of officers working for the Metropolitan Police earn more than £47,000, putting them among the top ten per cent.

 

Value for our money?

Staying on the subject of value for money

My favourite Numpty Jeremy Clarkson made £2.14million off the back of Top Gear in just 12 months thanks to a lucrative BBC deal.

The controversial presenter earned twice as much as he did the year before, setting him up as one of the BBC's most successful TV personalities.

Clarkson's earnings are the result of a complex deal with BBC Worldwide which means he benefits from the show's popularity in 198 different countries as well as the spin-off DVDs, merchandise and live shows.

Accounts show that his cut amounted to £1.79million in the year to March 2011, up from £829,000 the previous year.

The funny man - who joked last year that public sector workers should be 'executed' for going on strike - is then paid an extra £350,000 by the BBC as a performance fee, taking his total annual pay from Top Gear up to £2.14million.

Although BBC Worldwide has 50 per cent stake in the company set up to specifically manage Top Gear, Bedder 6, Clarkson and co-producer Andy Wilman split the remainder of the money made from Top Gear T-shirts, remote-controlled cars, watches, mugs, magazines as well as royalty fees 30/20.

The show's recent success is largely down to its increasing popularity in the US, where it was remade for American audiences, and Australia, which receives the original British version.

Think I am going to vomit..... 

Up a smidge to Cheshire

Animal lover Sue Murphy loves her hen Amelia so much she paid £600 getting the bird fitted with a bionic limb when it suffered a fractured thigh.

‘I’d do the same for a cat or a dog,’ said Mrs Murphy, 51. ‘Everybody thinks I’m mad but she’s our pet. She’s got such character.’

The former nurse and husband John, 54, who keep nine other ex-battery hens, dogs, cats and horses, said: ‘I eat chicken if it’s free range but I couldn’t let them put Amelia down.’

Avian expert Richard Jones spent two hours fitting a metal rod supported by external ‘scaffolding’ to the one-year-old brown hen’s thigh bone – the first time the vet had carried out the procedure on poultry.

‘It meant Amelia could move her joints freely during the healing process and within half an hour she was walking again,’ he said.

Three more operations were needed to remove the rod and pins.

Amelia is now back to her old tricks trying to escape her run and perching on the roof of her owner’s home in Plumley, Cheshire.

‘She’s such a cheeky character and fingers crossed she doesn’t get into any more trouble with her antics,’ said Mrs Murphy.

Eggceptional.....

Somewhere on the big salty thing

An Australian adventurer is attempting to break the world speed kite surfer record this year with a hybrid glider-boat which can reach speeds of more than 100km an hour.

UK-based Paul Larsen, originally from Healesville in Victoria, hopes to break the record held by a kite surfer with his Vestas Sailrocket 2 in Namibia, Africa.

"Vestas Sailrocket 2 is truly a hybrid glider-boat,'' Larsen said.

"It is currently banging its head against the conventional limits which it is designed to break through.

"We are still very much in development and still believe that we will make the breakthroughs that will yield massive performance gains.

Why??? 

And finally:

 

Over to the bright lights on the left

A rusty 106-year-old motorbike is expected to fetch £50,000 when it goes under the hammer at auction.

The 1906 Indian Camelback was one of the first two-wheeled motorised machines. The single cylinder 311cc 4-stroke petrol engine produced 2.25hp.

Only 1,698 were made that year and this example is one of few remaining and enthusiasts are particularly keen on it because of its "unrestored" state.

It was owned by the du Pont family, which bought the 'Indian Motorcycle Manufacturing Company' that built it, and this cycle was last ridden in the 1970s.

Whoever buys the machine will probably use minimum efforts to restore it to a working condition, as a complete restoration would actually see its value reduce.

The Indian cycles were the great rivals of Harley-Davidson, but the company eventually went bankrupt in 1953.

It had a rudimentary braking system and a hobnail boot on the ground would have been needed to help it stop.

The motorcycle is going under the hammer at Bonhams in Las Vegas on January 12.

Ben Walker from Bonhams said: "This motorcycle is in such demand because of its condition and to restore it would actually take value off.

"The motorcycle will probably be 'oily-ragged', which means wiping it down with oil to preserve it as it is."

 

Wouldn’t pass the MOT anyway....

That’s it: I’m orf to look for the very tasty, extinct Galapagos tortoise.

And today’s thought:

Angus