Electronic orgy: Olympic fuel fools: Le Sauveur: the Bug gun: Hot footed Numptys: and the Olympic UFO.

A touch of lack of heat, a smidge of damp stuff and not a jot of atmospheric movement at the Castle this morn, still have oodles of hot water, his Maj is bored with the wevver and I seem to have been invaded by yellow flowered Triffids which I didn’t plant.

Somewhere in the interweb thingy

Infineon Technologies' Lim Saw Sing discovered a colony of microscopic nudists having an orgy on the surface of an integrated circuit.

Which turned out to be the polyimide surface itself after being exposed to etching by reactive ions.

 I knew that....

 

Back in the Smoky Olympics-sort of

Hydrogen-fuelled taxis, introduced in London for the Olympic Games, are being transported on a 130-mile round trip to Swindon to refuel.

The fleet of three low-emission cabs was introduced to ferry VIPs and officials during the Games.

But the hydrogen fuelling station, at Lea Interchange near the Olympic Park, has had to close for security reasons.

The consortium HYTEC, which provided the taxis, said a new station was expected to open at Heathrow soon.

In the meantime, the taxis are loaded on a transporter to make the trip to the nearest filling station at car manufacturer Honda's plant in Swindon.

What a gas...

 

Over the Channel or through the Chunnel

Francois Hollande, the French president, was the latest to pledge eurozone leaders would do “everything possible” to save the euro today following a meeting with Mario Monti, the Italian prime minister.

Mr Hollande said significant progress had been made over recent weeks, adding: “We cannot allow ourselves one minute of inattention. We recalled our commitment... that the eurozone be defended, preserved and consolidated.” 

I do like an optimist...

Over the big salty thing on the left

Alexandra Gunn has "invented" the newest way to kill pesky house flies.

Personally I prefer a rolled up newspaper, or an elastic band....

East to what used to be the “enemy”

A fire walking seminar in Moscow region’s city of Khimki ended in burns for most participants, an online tabloid reported on Monday.

Eighteen of 30 women who partook in the seminar had to seek medical help after walking some five meters over glowing coals in a bid to “strengthen their spirit,” Lifenews.ru said.

No case was opened because none of the victims required hospitalization, local police was cited as saying.

None of the victims sued for compensation, and at least one of them said she wants to repeat the experience, the tabloid said.

 

Oh dear......I do love a Numpty or thirty....

Back in alien London

Apparently while many, many people “watched” the ‘O limp dicks’ (thanks Bernard) opening cermony a clearly seen unidentified flying object was videotaped making its way over London’s Olympic stadium, reports Examiner.com.

The disc-shaped object is first seen entering the upper left portion of the video as the fireworks erupt over the stadium. The UFO — which appears to have a dome or bulge rising from its centre — moves slowly across the sky as if deliberately observing the light-show spectacle below it.

 

That’s it: I’m orf to Barclays for some loot

And today’s thought:

Olympic security

Angus

Shit for brains Numptys: Get on my land: Cheers: Weighty problem?: Bottom rockets: and Her Maj’s old bag.

Oodles of deep, crisp and even stuff at the Castle this morn, his Maj seems to like the white fluffy stuff, and the dungeon is stacked to the rack with drunk, fat teenagers for the furnace.

Despite the warnings

And that we all know that more than a whimsy of snow will bring Blighty to a standstill, hundreds-nay thousands of shit for brains “motorists” ventured out on “important” business.

Up to 100 vehicles were stranded on the M40 between Junction 4 High Wycombe and Junction 9 Bicester for several hours and snow ploughs were brought in to help clear the roads.

One motorist told BBC News he had spent more than seven hours stuck in traffic in his car on the M25 in Hertfordshire.

Knob heads.....

 

In the part of Blighty that needs faster transport

Landowners and farmers are to be paid £1,000 each to allow contractors involved in the high speed rail project onto their property.

The payment will be to allow HS2, the company responsible for scheme, to carry out environmental surveys along the route, which will initially run from Euston to Birmingham before being extended to both Manchester and Leeds.

It is the latest move to appease those who live on the route which will see trains hurtling through the Chilterns, Warwickshire and Northamptonshire.

If further inspections are needed additional payments will be made under an agreement reached between HS2, the Country Land and Business Association and the National Farmers Union.

In the case of tenant farmers, the money will be shared with the owner of the land. In addition HS2 will pay for any damage caused to the land as a result of the survey work.

"We recognise that many CLA members would rather HS2 was dropped," said Harry Cotterell, the CLA president. "But now it is confirmed we owe them a duty of care to ensure the work is carried out with as little damage and loss as is possible."

 

High speed bonus...

 

For those who like to imbibe a bit

An 1825 formula that gives you a pint of beer for just 11p a pint has been "discovered".

It was written by ale lover Thomas Denton, who was determined to recreate his favourite tipple, London Porter.

For 72 pints of stout, you will need a peck of barley, 4oz of hops, 7lb of treacle and several gallons of boiling water.

Mr Denton, of Goole, east Yorkshire, also recommended letting the potent brew ferment for seven days.

 

Good luck with that...

Over in the place where Romanians come from

A model with a waist of just 20 inches has insisted she eats three square meals a day, including fatty foods such as crisps, pizza and kebabs.

Ioana Spangenberg, 30, measures in at 5ft 6 inches tall, weighing six stone.

The model told The Sun: 'No one seems to believe it, but every day I eat three big meals and I snack on chocolate and crisps all the time.

'I just have a small stomach. It's a bit like a gastric band, if I eat too much I feel sick'.

Yeah right....

Left to the land of rear exits and the home of the lawsuit

A college student claims he was injured when a fraternity member in a “drunken stupor” decided “that it would be a good idea to shoot bottle rockets out of his anus,” and did so, “but instead of launching, the bottle rocket blew up in the defendant’s rectum, and this startled the plaintiff and caused him to jump back,” and fall off the fraternity’s deck.

The student is now suing the fraternity, Alpha Tau Omega, for failing to provide a railing for the deck as well as the frat brother who lit the rocket in question.

 Bum deal....

 And finally:

Her Maj’s old bag

And no I am not talking about Charlie’s darling, the secret is out, Sally Bedell Smith, author of Elizabeth the Queen: The Woman Behind The Throne has revealed what is kept in the royal baggage (and no I am not talking about horse face Camilla).

Apparently there is a portable hook, which is used to hang it discreetly under tables, a mirror and lipstick, reading glasses, mint lozenges a fountain pen and a crisply folded £5 note to donate to the church collection on Sundays. 

Now we know...

That’s it: I’m orf to piss in the wind

And today’s thought:

Angus

Piss Poor Olympics: No work-no benefits: Emergency toenails: Plastic Woodentop: Crossed wires: and Acapulco cocks and prostitutes.

Weather-same as yesterday plus a lot more than a whimsy of mist at the Castle this morn, the study is still full of ex parrots, and the garden is still only half vandalised because of the lack of dryness. 

Not being that interested in next year’s Olympics I didn’t bother to apply for the ticket lottery, but most of the 1.9 million people who did in the six-week first round of ticket sales ended up empty-handed.

A total of 1.2 million people received no tickets, with only 700,000 – 36 per cent – successful.

The Piss Poor Policies Millionaires Club Coalition however has spent nearly £750,000 on 8,815 tickets for the “extravaganza”.

The Department for Culture, Media and Sport (DCMS) has been allocated 213 tickets for the opening ceremony, which cost £194,525, and 41 top-priced tickets for the opening ceremony, at £2,012.12 each. It has paid £71,490 for 143 tickets for the closing ceremony.

The DCMS submitted bids for tickets for the entire Government and, it is believed, its allocation will be shared out across all departments. Apart from £29,530 spent on tickets for the diving event, which will feature Tom Daley, 224 tickets have been bought for track cycling at the Olympic Park velodrome.

Hope “they” enjoy it.

And allegedly

People unemployed for more than two years could be forced to do compulsory community work or have their benefits cut, U-Turn Cam has announced.

The Prime Monster said people who failed to find work despite “intensive” mentoring for two years could be made to do 30 hours of community service a week for 26 weeks a year.

Under the “three strikes” rule, people who refuse to do the community work would initially lose their benefits for two weeks. A second refusal would cost four weeks of benefits and a third refusal would cost benefits for 26 weeks.

He said he wanted to teach people that they could not expect to claim benefits “in a generous compassionate society like ours” but not look for work.

And the jobs that the unemployed couldn't find are?

Meanwhile in A&E depts. across our generous, compassionate society

Women not being able to remove false fingernails and a man wanting his sick dog treated are just two of the “inappropriate” reasons why people go to accident and emergency, research found.

One father even rang 999 for an ambulance after being bitten on his ­finger by his guinea pig.

Other bizarre examples include a girl pleading for help after a hair dye disaster and another wanting someone to cut her toenails because she could not get a ­chiropody appointment.

One mother also took her child to A&E because he had stepped in dog excrement and she wanted staff to clean it off. And a ­distraught woman begged nurses to remove paint stuck in her hair.

Now a national campaign has been launched urging people to go to the right place for NHS help.

The Choose Well campaign ­features short films of these ­scenarios played by actors and is on YouTube.

Nice to see that Numptys are still around in force.

East past the edges of Europe

In an effort to reduce bad driving a dummy police officer holding a camera has been erected at the side of the road.

The fake police officer can be seen standing on the Zhengjiang Section of the Funing Highway between Shanghai and Nanjing in China.

It is hoped that its presence will deter people from driving unsafely.

If it doesn't, while the police officer may be fake the camera isn't and it records all the cars that pass the section of road.

 

Crafty lot those Orientals...

 

West, even further than Ireland

In Columbia, South Carolina, silver Jeep owner Andrew Jernigan connected jump-leads to 21-year-old friend Delaney Mills' red Volkswagen.

While attaching the jump cables to the batteries of the cars, they accidentally crossed the wires, attaching the positive cable to the negative terminal on the battery and vice versa.

After Andrew started his car up, the rubber melted off of the jump cables, making it impossible to remove them from the batteries of the cars. The battery of Andrew's jeep began to smoke.

"While calling 911 to report the case to the fire department, the battery caught flame. The fire began to spread very quickly across the entire engine of Andrew's car.

Within the 15 minutes that it took the fire-fighters to get to the scene, the flames had engulfed about three-quarters of Andrew's entire car and the flames reached about10 feet in height

 Mind you there was a 50/50 chance of the morons getting it right...

And finally: 

Dahn a bit

A surprise inspection of a jail in the Mexican resort city of Acapulco unveiled 19 prostitutes, two sacks of marijuana and 100 roosters for cock fighting, authorities have said.

The discovery came as 500 federal officers prepared to transfer some 60 inmates to maximum security prisons overnight Sunday to Monday, said Arturo Martinez, spokesman for federal anti-drug operations in the western state of Guerrero.

Police also found six female prisoners in the men's section of the jail, as well as sharp weapons, two peacocks, and luxury items such as plasma TVs, he said.

"We're investigating the probable culprits," said Martinez, spokesman for the federal operation which is working to stem a wave of violence blamed on organised crime in the region.

Fairly bleedin obvious I would have thought....and yes that is a picture of a “cell”.

That’s it: I’m orf to look for some dark sky with my Galileo gadget.

And todays Olympic thought: Weightlifting commentator: "This is Gregoriava from Bulgaria.

I saw her snatch this morning during her warm up and it was amazing."

Angus

Her Maj is in need: The Middle is in need: Smurf snatchers: Clarkson’s a bit dim: Well, fruck a Duck: and noisy wind.

Calm, warmish, sunny and dry at the Castle this morn, the study is bursting at the seams with broken tormentors, his Maj is galloping around the garden and some Pilchard has knocked over two bollards at the entrance with a 4 by 4.

Microsoft word seems to be behaving-so far; the hip thing turns out to be a pulled Tensor fasciae latae, and the moat is full of blue green algae.

I see that the MOD has managed to lose £6.3 billion’s worth of “assets” including £184m worth of Bowman battlefield radios.

The MoD's director general of finance, Jon Thompson, told the committee it could be some years before the problem was resolved because of the scale of the MoD's "845,000 lines of stock, spread across 78 IT systems, covering anywhere in the world we currently have bases".

The report notes that the findings did not mean that the equipment did not exist or was not "being used usefully somewhere" - as it could be difficult keeping track of assets being used in war zones.

Right, so it isn’t lost, they just don’t know where it all is.....

And: Allegedly a drug used by smokers to help them quit increases the risk of heart attacks and other serious cardiovascular problems, research says.

An international team reviewed studies involving more than 8,000 smokers, and found more of those taking Champix fell ill than those on dummy drugs.

The review, in the Canadian Medical Association Journal, suggests smokers should not use the drug to stop.

But makers Pfizer say it is an "important option" to help people quit.

And heart expert’s stress smoking itself is a major heart disease risk factor.

You just can’t win.....

 Her Maj is not a happy ruler

The Queen has asked the government for more money to deal with a growing backlog of repairs to Buckingham Palace and other royal residences, newly published accounts reveal.

The monarch currently receives £11.9 million a year from the public purse to maintain and repair her homes which include Windsor Castle and St James's Palace.

But because of a pay freeze she can only carry out emergency repairs to the buildings and says she will need more money to stop the royal households from falling into disrepair.

The current budget means that while a £3.5 million repair to the crumbling facade of Buckingham Palace had gone ahead, other key projects had been forced to be put on hold.

These included replacing lead and slate roofs, refurbishing state rooms and overhauling antiquated heating systems.  

Oh dear what a shame, wonder if the Gov would pay for repairs to the Castle?

Apparently half a million families are being forced to earn 24 per cent more than last year just to maintain the same minimum standard of living, according to a report by a leading welfare charity.

While the average worker needs to earn about 5 per cent more to keep up with the rising cost of living, some Britons are hit considerably harder.

Not only have utility bills, food costs and petrol prices risen considerably over the last year, but some families' incomes have been severely dented by cuts to their benefits and tax credits.

The Joseph Rowntree Foundation has calculated that families, where both couples work, with two young children will have to find 24 per cent more income this year compared with last year just to maintain a "minimum standard of living".  

All together now-“We are all in this together”.

 Right a bit to the land of chocolate and err chocolate

A 13-year-old Belgian boy and his mother who made off with armfuls of toy Smurfs have been nabbed with the haul of small blue heroes dreamt up by a Belgian comic-book author, police said Monday.

Staged weeks ahead of the worldwide release of the much-awaited Hollywood movie on Peyo's Smurfs, the heist took place Friday in a supermarket outside Ghent.

As the mother stood watch, the teenager stuffed bundles of Smurf toys into his clothes before the two left the store. But they were quickly identified thanks to surveillance cameras and confessed, police said.

The heist ran up to almost 600 Euros ($871).

Blue Numptys.

Clarkson has inserted his size twelve’s into his facial orifice-again

Racism claims have erupted once again after Top Gear host Jeremy Clarkson attempted to be funny in his Saturday newspaper column.

Clarkson said the energy-saving mode on his new television makes the screen so dim that every program looks "like it is being presented by Lenny Henry in a cave".

"Korean car firm Hyundai complained about Clarkson's 'bigoted and racist' claim that their staff had 'eaten a dog'. He also caused offence with mock Nazi salutes talking about German design of a new Mini.

"Clarkson has apologised to the Mexican ambassador for calling his countrymen 'lazy'."

According to reports, Clarkson has a track record of saying people he offends lack a sense of humour.

Race campaigner Lee Jasper told People: "It starts off with Clarkson making stupid racist comments and it ends up as playground taunts and racist slurs on the street.

 Why am I not surprised.....

East many, many things

A Chinese man who bought a duck at an agricultural market demanded a refund - when he noticed it had three legs.

The customer initially walked off, seemingly happy with his purchase but returned an hour later.

Trader Chen Xiantong, who runs a chicken and duck shop in the market at Nan'an, Fujian Province, said he immediately agreed to give the man his money back.

"He said the duck was too weird with its extra leg, and he feared it may be harmful to health," said Chen.

"I now keep the duck in the shop and people come in just to see it so it has actually been good for my business."

And the lucky Duck....

And finally:

Back in Blighty

A couple who say they were driven out of their family farm by the "nightmare" hum of wind turbines have mounted a ground-breaking £2.5 million compensation bid in London's High Court.

Jane and Julian Davis, moved out of Grays Farm, Deeping St Nicholas, near Spalding, Lincs, four years ago because of the strain of living with the incessant noise.

And now they are taking on a local windfarm and other defendants in a pioneering case which will test the law on whether the sound created by the turbines amounts to a noise nuisance.

They think that is noisy, I had beans on toast last night.......

 That’s it: I’m orf to have a frack.

 And today’s thought: Children seldom misquote you. In fact, they usually repeat
word for word what you shouldn't have said.

Angus

The pick pocket U-turn time warp Coalition: NHS Knobs raking it in: Holy groceries: 999-my kettles broken: Why electricity prices are so high: and Three Numptys in a boat.

Usual at the Castle this morn, sunny, calm and nippy, still no sky water, the phone started ringing at 6 of the am with users demanding a computer fix, the Honda is yellow again and the lawn is turning a nice shade of brown.

According to Roger Bootle, a former government adviser who now works with Deloitte, the accountancy firm the typical UK household will see its disposable income fall by 2 per cent this year, the equivalent of £780.

He added that if interest rates were to rise, British families would not have seen conditions deteriorate so badly since 1952.

Thanks U-turn Cam, shame that prices won’t be at 1952 levels.

And talking of U-turn Cam, who said he would do away with waste in the NHS.

Click on the link above to see the list of the highest paid NHS knobs.

Over to the land of long blowy things and big hills

An Austrian deacon is making a special offer at his local supermarkets -- free spiritual guidance and counselling when you pick up your groceries.

Deacon Willi Holzhammer is touring the Alpine province of Tyrol each Saturday and setting up his service for shoppers.

The retired computer specialist already runs a page on social networking site Facebook where followers can "Ask Willi" for advice.

"Personal encounters are just another step," Holzhammer said in a press release from Catholic news agency Kathpress.

His supermarket service will run for five weeks and be held at different towns in the western province.

That’ll double fish sales on a Friday.

Dahn in Welsh Wales

A woman rang 999 to ask police to fix her kettle.

She was one of 1,000 time-wasters who called operators in South Wales last year.

A police spokesman said: “We’ve had some daft calls but this takes the biscuit.”

Others included people asking directions to the royal wedding and some inquiring if they were a missing person. 

Numptyism is a kingdom wide trait.

North of the border

Six wind farms were given six-figure payments to switch off their turbines because the Scottish grid network could not absorb all the energy being produced, it has emerged.

Research by the Renewable Energy Foundation (REF) found energy companies were paid a total of £900,000 for stopping the turbines for several hours between April 5 and 6 this year.

The REF said some of the payments were as high as 20 times the value of the electricity which would have been generated if the turbines kept running. 

Remember this next time your electricity supplier puts up their prices blaming “the cost of supply”.

And finally:

Talking of Numptys

Rescuers said three men in an inflatable dinghy thought they had made it from England to France when they were rescued only 2 miles from where they departed.

The RNLI said the men entered the English Channel in Littlehampton, Saturday night without warm clothes or life jackets and were spotted waving for help by a birdwatcher the following morning, The Daily Telegraph reported Monday.

The men, whose names were not released, believed they had made it to France in their 7-foot raft and greeted rescuers by saying "Bonjour."

The RNLI said the men were treated for hypothermia and all made complete recoveries.

"These three gents were extremely fortunate to be seen by a vigilant member of the public and so lucky to have survived overnight with no protection and no life jackets," said Nick White, lifeboat operations manager for RNLI. "It would have been so easy for the dinghy to have been capsized by the smallest of waves."

Blow up Numptys.

That’s it: I’m orf to give the Blue Tits an IQ test

And today’s thought: "No man is rich enough to buy back his past." - Oscar Wilde

Angus

Too much Weed; Dark art; The Ooh-Arr A; Burger Bust up and The eye of the beholder

Too dark to see the weather this morn, maybe that’s good after hearing the forecast, anyway; it seems that the Postal Workers are to go ahead with their strike next week, the lemmings are about to jump off the cliff and destroy our Royal mail, I for one am a bit miffed over delayed missives and I would think that businesses will lose a lot of money because of the “eighties” attitude of the Union (CWU) concerned, which claims that they want “agreement not strikes” so why don’t they step back and negotiate, concessions must be made on both sides but I doubt they will be.


Today is a Numpty day, maybe with the exception of the last item, but decide for yourselves.



First up:

Burglars bolt Numpty burglaree gets nicked

There are limits to being a crime victim, as a woman who called Saginaw County sheriff's deputies to report the theft of marijuana found out. Detective Sgt. Randy F. Pfau said the 54-year-old woman was arrested early Sunday after reporting two men had broken into her home in Brant Township, 80 miles north-northwest of Detroit.

Pfau said the woman told deputies the men fled after one of them demanded her marijuana plants. He said the woman then was booked on charges of manufacturing and delivering marijuana.

Pfau told The Saginaw News the woman claimed the drug was for personal use but didn't possess a medical marijuana card. He said police will seek charges pending test results on the marijuana they did confiscate.

Ah Saginaw, wonder if it still takes four days to hitchhike there? (Simon and Garfunkel-America)

Numpty “Art”

The Tate Modern has unveiled its latest giant installation - 40ft of pitch darkness.

The London gallery's Turbine Hall entrance now houses a vast metal container containing no light whatsoever.

Measuring 15m in height and 30m in length, all light vanishes as soon as visitors venture a few feet inside, reports Sky News.

Polish artist Miroslaw Balka said the darkness in his creation is a metaphor for life.

"Sometimes you meet a person who seems strange to you at first but then you get to know them and they become your friend," he said.

The artwork filling the Turbine Hall space has caused controversy and generated massive interest for a number of years.

Previous works include a huge crack in the floor, which was built to illustrate how issues such as racism and poverty were causing fractures in society.

The cost of the latest installation - funded by Unilever and Tate Modern - has not been disclosed.

Curator Helen Sainsbury said: "I would say to people come and see it. It's really the most amazing project we've had."

The black hole artwork - officially titled How It Is - is open to the public until 5 April, 2010.



Torches are on sale at the kiosk.

Numpty “Terrorists”

A self-proclaimed "terrorist" group from Cornwall, dubbed the "Ooh-Arr A", has launched a campaign in protest at the influx of students into the county.

Anti-student slogans signed by the The Cornish Republican Army, also known as the "Farmer Bin Ladens", have appeared at an open day event at University College in Falmouth.

The group is said to be angry that a proposed 231 new flats will be made into student accommodation, rather than being made available to local residents.

The graffiti, sprayed at the nearby Penryn railway station, said: ''Penryn has had enough of students – CRA'.

Local councillor Geoff Brown said: ''I think it's a great pity that we have had this vandalism. We welcome students in Cornwall.

''It seems a great pity that some people aren't broad-minded enough to accept that.''

Deputy Mayor Ted Wilkes added: ''The graffiti is very childish. It makes bad impression.''

CRA members, who want independence from the United Kingdom, have previously threatened to fire bomb the restaurants of Rick Stein and Jamie Oliver.

The group has also claimed responsibility for burning down an empty warehouse and two derelict offices.

It’s a shame that the “Ooh-Arr A", members didn’t get a better education, or were they never students?

Hamburger hump Numpty

A man called Stephen Morgan has been charged with criminal damage to two hamburgers worth £5 after becoming involved in an alleged doorstep dispute with a fast food firm.

Morgan, 31, was arrested and taken from his home in handcuffs at the weekend after his family's order with their local pizza parlour in Loughor, near Swansea, arrived minus two burgers.

The couple, who have two children, planned to stay in and watch ITV1's The X Factor with other family members.

A dispute is alleged to have started after an order of food with a local pizza parlour arrived without the, no doubt, tasty hamburgers.

Mr Morgan claims it was agreed the group should wait for the rest of the order, he told the South Wales Evening Post.

What follows remains unclear; however police visited the address later that evening and arrested Mr Morgan on suspicion of robbery.

He was taken to Swansea Central police station where he was questioned about the incident and held overnight.

A South Wales Police spokesman confirmed that a 31-year-old man was arrested on Saturday evening and has since been charged with causing criminal damage to food valued at £5.

Should have gone for a Donna.




And finally:

In the eye of the beholder

This fireplace has won a public vote to be named the most beautiful object in the world.

The black steel design, which can be suspended from the ceiling, took first place in a competition styled as "the first beauty contest devoted exclusively to objects".

Produced by the French contemporary fireplace firm Focus, the "gyrofocus" can rotate through 360 degrees to throw light and heat into all corners of a room.

It is described as "revolutionary both in form and technical innovation" on the company website, and has been featured in several exhibitions of modern art and design - including at New York's Guggenheim Museum.

It was designed in 1968 by Dominique Imbert, the founder of Focus.

The fireplace took first place ahead of more established design classics including a Phillips flat screen television, Illycaffè coffee machine and a Sony Ericsson mobile phone in the Italy-based Pulchra competition.

The 100 objects on the award long list were compiled by a panel of design experts, with nearly 75,000 members of the public choosing their top ten entries through an online vote.

The Pulchra contest was launched in 2007, with this year's winner receiving 10,000 Euros in gold coins.

A rotating fire, hmm.


It’s getting light now, and the weather-Oh dear.



Angus

AnglishLit

Angus Dei-NHS-THE OTHER SIDE

Angus Dei politico

The Tuesday Numpty, Can’t flush won’t fly, MiG mystery, Gaudy giveaway, Numpty number two and a bit of good news

I think it is going to be one of those days, even one of those weeks, today I feel about 150, nothing works and the place is a tip. But I have my nice young lady coming to cut my hair, I then have to go out to do some errands.

Thursday I have a check up at the dentist, more expense and pain with a nice twenty mile round trip to look forward to, basically I have the hump, but there are always people worse off.


First up:

Keep it in your trousers and your mouth shut

From Oslo-A 28-year-old Norwegian man was fined after he complained to police that he had been cheated by a prostitute.

The Nordlys newspaper says he has been fined 8,000 kroner as the first person in northern Norway’s Troms Province charged under a new law forbidding the purchase of sexual services. The law went into effect in January.

Station Chief Kurt Pettersen tells the paper that the man had given partial payment to a Russian prostitute in the northern city of Tromsoe but she left with the cash when they failed to agree on a final price.

Pettersen says “he contacted the police because he felt his did not get the services he paid for.”
The incident took place in February but was not reported until Monday.


See it does pay to watch the news, Numpty.

My Jet's all clogged up

DHAKA, Bangladesh, Aug. 31 (UPI) -- Biman Bangladesh Airlines said a flight from the Bangladeshi capital, Dhaka, to London was delayed for 10 hours due to clogged toilets.

Airline officials said workers spent two hours Sunday clearing the plane's five toilets, which were clogged with paper cups and other garbage flushed by passengers, and the flight was delayed by a further eight hours to comply with a night flight ban at london's heathrow airport.

"Passengers threw bottles, cups, tissue papers and female sanitary napkins into all five toilets of the Biman aircraft," said Wing Commander Asaduzzaman, director of engineering for the carrier.

"This solid material blocked the toilets and there was a jumble in the pneumatic toilet suction system.

It was a passenger-created problem. There was no mechanical fault."

That is a bit of a surprise, normally the suction in the loos on a plane is so strong you have to brace yourself against the sides of the cubicle, and you end up with your bowels dragging on the floor when you leave.

WMDs found in Serbia

Iraqi authorities are seeking the return of 19 fighter jets that were sent to Serbia in the late 1980s for servicing.

Officials have been trying to trace what the former dictator Saddam Hussein did with the country's military assets.

They have discovered a total of 19 MiG-21 and MiG-23 fighters were sent to the then-Yugoslavia in 1989 for maintenance, and were left there because of an embargo.

An Iraqi delegation is heading to Belgrade to negotiate their return, but Serbian officials say most of the jets are in pieces and are useless.

Of the handful still intact, one has been stored in Belgrade's aircraft museum.

See Tony you were looking in the wrong place.

99p shop, not on our high street

The owners of a 99p shop in Lymington, the affluent Hampshire town once said to be “too posh” for an Argos store, have been ordered to remove their sign by a council because the display is “too gaudy”.

The family-run bargain store, founded by Nadir Lalani, has been told the sign is “not sympathetic” to the traditions of the town's Georgian High Street.

The sign, which includes the 99p Stores logo and the slogan 'quality products under a pound', can be seen on the company’s shop fronts elsewhere in Britain.

Chris Elliott, head of planning at New Forest District Council, said: "Our judgement is that the sign is pretty awful and we will give them a brief opportunity to voluntarily remove it before we begin prosecution proceedings.

"The company will not be invited to submit a planning application for its retention because we do not believe that will be successful."

Three years ago, residents campaigned against an Argos store amid fears it would “lower the tone” of the town.

Oooh get you Lymington.

What is it with pilots?

Yet another Numpty Pilot, this one though had too much “fuel” on board.

An intoxicated pilot had to be guided in to land by a rescue helicopter, the 65-year-old amateur pilot allegedly tanked up on beer and wine before taking to the skies above the eastern German state of Thuringia in his Cessna light aircraft on Saturday afternoon.

Once airborne, he served himself some more cocktails while at the controls.

Two hours later he was apparently so inebriated that he was unable to read the instruments telling him where the Schoengleida airfield was.

"Come on, I know you're down there," he radioed. "Where the bloody hell have you hidden yourself?"

Control tower staff say he also sang a few songs cracked a mother-in-law joke and told them to "pull their fingers out as I've got a party to go to". Fearing instrument failure, the tower scrambled a rescue helicopter stationed at the airfield.

It homed in on the man in clear blue skies some 50 miles west of the airport and gave instructions for the pilot to follow it back.

Officials at Schoengleida said the pilot, who has not been named, made a safe landing.

The man was unsteady on his feet as he wobbled from the cockpit to his parked car. Concerned airfield authorities alerted police.

He was stopped on the way home, breathalysed and found to be nearly four times over the legal limit for driving.

Now he has lost his driving licence - and his pilot's licence.

He is lucky he didn’t lose his life, and take a few other people with him-Numpty of the first order.

And finally:

Some good news

A disabled yachtswoman has become the first female quadriplegic to sail solo around Britain.

Hilary Lister, 37, was applauded as she sailed into Dover harbour, in her home county of Kent.

On arrival, she declared: "I'm so relieved to be home but looking forward to the next challenge."
Mrs Lister began her voyage in May but had to be treated in hospital a month later, having been rescued from rough seas off Pembrokeshire.

She had delayed the start of her trip, from Plymouth, after being taken to hospital with breathing difficulties.

Mrs Lister also abandoned a similar attempt last year after being hit by bad weather, technical trouble and injuries to members of her support crew.

Her spokesman, Paul Taroni, described the journey as "an amazing triumph over adversity".
Mrs Lister, an Oxford biochemistry graduate from Faversham, is disabled from the neck down.

Her specially-adapted vessel, an Artemis 20 called Me Too, was designed to be operated through three "straws".

They allowed her to control the boat using a "sip-and-puff" system. Mrs Lister said she was "hugely proud" of the six strong team who provided back-up throughout her series of 40 day-long sails.

"[They] worked so hard for four months without a day off," she said.

Mrs Lister described the highlight of her challenge as being able to see the marine wildlife at close quarters sailing alongside her.

"Seeing whales, 35-foot long, fully breached out of the water was incredible. Two of them jumped like dolphins, it was amazing," she said.

The challenge has so far raised £30,000 for Mrs Lister's charity, Hilary's Dream Trust, which exists to provide assistance to disabled and disadvantaged adults who want to sail.

A lady with more courage than me.


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