I’ve had enough: Clegg’s mates: Yea or Nay: Tough Mudders: Home alone: Keeping it in the family: and that’s as Ferrari as you go.

Cold, crusty and confused at the Castle this morn, just got back from the stale bread gruel and pussy food run, despite all their claims about “price drops” my bill keeps going up for the same things and his Maj is finally mastering the cat flap-sort of as long as I hold it open when he comes in or goes out. 

Momentous day this 5^th of December; I have decided to give up the “work” thing and join the ranks of benefit scroungers, as part of the “private sector” I have realised that demand has fallen to such an extent that it is no longer viable to carry on struggling to earn a “living” because the Piss Poor Policies Millionaires Club Coalition doesn’t give a Meerkat’s moolies about one man bands, all they seem to be interested in is Europe.

As long as I don't eat, turn the heating on buy anything or go anywhere I reckon I can manage...

So the good news is that I will be able to blog a bit more and visit my fave sites, and even leave the odd comment.

Meanwhile the brown nosed bit of the Prime Monster

Has appointed a key position in the Deputy Prime Minister’s office to Neil Sherlock, a senior executive at KPMG, the accountancy partnership, and will become Mr Clegg’s “director of government relations” in the New Year.

Last year, it was disclosed that he was among a number of businessmen who had paid money directly into Mr Clegg’s bank account to help fund the Liberal Democrat MP’s private office before he was in government.

Mr Sherlock has also donated money to the Lib Dems and last year his wife, Kathryn Parminter, the former head of the Campaign to Protect Rural England, was elevated to the House of Lords by Mr Clegg’s party.

The recruitment of Mr Sherlock, who is expected to be paid more than £100,000, comes amid a drive by Mr Clegg to beef up his private office and appoint more advisers across Whitehall.

I see that the old boys’ club is still functioning well.

And apparently the ConDems are on opposing sides when it comes to referendums 

The deputy Prime Monster and the Irritable Bowel Twins are at odds over the requirements for a referendum on the EU, appearing on the Andrew Marr programme Mr Clegg said he didn't believe there needed to be a UK referendum over moves to closer fiscal union on the continent.

"It will only take place if there is an additional surrender of sovereignty from us to Europe," he said.

At almost exactly the same time, welfare secretary Mr Duncan Smith was outlining an entirely different test to Sky News, saying "substantial changes that affect Britain" would trigger a referendum.

"If there is major treaty change we have to have a referendum," he said.

No wonder they don’t have a bleedin clue.

Over the briny to the warm bit at the bottom of the Americas

The Tough Mudder Florida was held on Dec. 3 and 4 with events challenging participants' strength, stamina and mental grit.

Tough Mudder races were developed by British Special Forces to challenge athletes with natural and man-made obstacles. Participants can compete individually or as part of a team on a roughly 12-mile course, which is expected to take the toughest participants 2 1/2 hours to complete.

The event raises money for the Wounded Warrior Project, which supports the needs of severely injured service men and women. Tough Mudder participants raised $650,000 last year for the organization.

Runners pay anywhere from $80 to $150 to participate, depending on when they signed up. Spectators are also welcome to attend; tickets are $20 in advance or $40 at the event.

 Glad I missed that...

Dahn Unda

The Sinclair family lost everything when a raging fire tore through their home on September 15, 2010.

Not only was the house completely destroyed, they also lost all their photos, sporting memorabilia, clothes and even their pet dog and its three newborn puppies.

They have been living in a "half house" on a nearby block since the fire.

The rebuild was going at a snail's pace but the entire frame had finally been erected and the outside cladding was waiting to be installed.

"The windows were in the frames and everything was ready for the cladding," Mrs Sinclair said.

"But someone has dismantled and stolen the whole bloody thing."

The isolated location of the house contributed to the level of damage caused in last year's fire.

It also meant whoever stole the Sinclair’s' house had plenty of time and space.

 Sometimes it just isn’t worth getting out of bed......

Right a fair bit and down a lot to the Dark Continent

Titus Ncube decided to employ a sex worker as he was having marital difficulties, but collapsed in shock when his daughter, 20, turned up.

She fled after Ncube collapsed, and is reportedly no longer working in the sex industry but planning to go back to school.

On hearing the news, Ncube's wife said: “If it were not for my children, I could have divorced him a long time ago,”

According to the Zimbabwe News Ncube said “I am sorry for what I did,” he said. “I spoke to my wife and my daughter… I apologised for my actions because I just wanted my family back."

Oops.... 

And finally: 

East even more to the land of glowing things

A fleet of high-performance cars, including eight Ferraris, has been involved in one of the most expensive accidents in history after an astonishing multi-car pile-up in Japan.

Police said three Mercedes Benz cars and a Lamborghini Diablo were also involved in the massive crash at the weekend on the Chugoku Expressway, in the country’s south-west.

Witnesses reported hearing a “tremendous noise” just a few moments before the accident on the Yamaguchi prefecture highway amid terrible driving conditions.

While the majority of the 14 vehicles – which also included a Japanese supercar Nissan GT-R Skyline and a Toyota Prius – were travelling along the Osaka Prefecture-bound bended lane at least one Mercedes CL600 was driving in the opposite direction.

The total damage bill is expected to hit several million pounds. A new Ferrari 355 retails for several hundred thousand pounds.

The other Ferrari models understood to have been involved in the pile-up include a F512, F355, F430 and a F360.

It is thought the crash occurred when the lead driver hit a central barrier after losing control of their Ferrari while trying to overtake in wet conditions.

Cheap Ferrari anyone?

That’s it (or maybe not): I’m orf to check out the moat for Mesonychoteuthis hamiltoni

And today’s thought:

Angus

Work of art? Work of fashion? Piece of work? and that works for me.

It is pissistantly pouring down ‘ere in ‘Ampshire, in fact it hasn’t stopped since I washed the car.

It is as dark as a dark thing can be in a very dark place and very muggy, as soon as I drove off in the car the mobile rang, so I stopped to answer it (as you do) and was assailed by someone who wants me to upgrade to a new phone which would give me half a million minutes a day and endless texts, for five pence a year; my reply was “no thank you” yeah right, so I set off again and my mobile rang, I stopped (as you do) and it was a text, from someone who wanted me to upgrade..................., so, after I switched the phone off I drove to the smash and grab (Tesco) to do my weekly gruel buying.

Tesco it seems thinks it has become a post office, the nicotine fix and magazine counter has been “revamped” complete with flashing LED sign that says “cashier number 2” or some such bollocks, and there are four tills each with a number which are “taped off” with those standy uppy Barrier thingys which are too narrow to take your trolley down.

The snags are that the entry to the sacred nicotine fix and magazine counter is at the far end, and they have had to employ someone to tell people that fact, because all and sundry have been going in the out and out of the in.

The other snag is that only two of the tills are manned which is what we had before, so a message to the management: leave it as it was, it worked perfectly well and we customers are quite capable of sorting ourselves out without your help.

Moan over:




First up:

S crap art

Australian artist Van Thanh Rudd's work, on display at Off The Kerb gallery in Melbourne, is entering uncharted territory with his asking price.

Rudd claims the work contains a small piece of an Afghan civilian car, destroyed by an International Security Assistance Force (ISAF) missile in southern Afghanistan.

"All art must be priced and the price paid by victims of war is astronomical. So my price tag should reflect this," he said.

"I know it's beyond reason to put $1.2 billion on this object, but everything out there in the global market place is extremely devoid of reason. The global recession is showing us this."

Rudd says his pricing analysis included a breakdown of the multi-trillion dollar US war budget in the Middle East since 2001, and other variables such as the cost of civilians and soldiers wounded.

Once he came up with the figure, he instructed the gallery director to put it in the catalogue.
Off The Kerb's director Shini Pararajasingham says the work is probably uninsurable.

Damien Hirst's Beautiful Inside My Head Forever set the record for the most expensive single artist auction - going for $203 million in 2008.

If Rudd's Used Car Part sold it would eclipse this figure - although Rudd admits a sale is unlikely.
"Christies and Sotheby’s would no doubt argue that my piece is unsellable," he said.

"This is totally the point."


Easier than actually producing real art I suppose.

It will never win the championship

Puma store in Barnaby Street, London, have decided to make an F1 Ferrari out of clothes worth £40,000.

The car is made from a staggering 1,999 items - including 1,682 t-shirts, 88 pairs of jeans, 64 pairs of shoes and 31 belts.

A team of eight people worked for five hours to turn the pile of clothes into a model of Kimi Raikkonen's motor.

Designers sketched the 14-feet long car by hand and spent a week in a studio experimenting with thousands of items of clothing.

They then made the finished product in the store overnight.

The wheels on the impressive car are made from water bottles, the wing mirror from sun glasses and the harness from a backpack.

Black jeans are used for the tyres and red t-shirts give the car its classic Ferrari colour.

Formula1 fans have been visiting the store to admire the work but are banned from touching it or sitting in it because it is so fragile.

A time-lapse video showing the team making the car has been watched more than 130,000 times on the internet.

Creative director Peter Hale, from GBH Design, said: "The Formula1 car was great fun to make and looks great.

"We worked like a pit crew when making it - each person piecing a different part of the car together.

"The hardest part was getting enough clothing delivered to our studio so we could figure out what to put where.

"We needed so much stock we had to place a special order and get things shipped in from Germany.

Puma is the official supplier of clothing to the Ferrari team.

Anyone want to buy a red t-shirt or some jeans that have been lying on the floor?

A golden moment

“Heaven has no rage like love to hatred turned / Nor hell a fury like a woman scorned.” which is the correct quote, I checked with Ask Yahoo so it must be right.

PASADENA, Texas - Authorities say a Houston-area woman who was burned up (annoyed?) at her former common-law husband fried their pet goldfish and ate some of them.

Pasadena police say it's a civil matter and no charges will be filed. The seven goldfish were purchased together by the couple during happier times.

Police spokesman Vance Mitchell says the man reported on Saturday that the woman took the goldfish from his apartment.

Mitchell says the two argued earlier about some jewellery the man had given her but took back. She wanted the jewellery returned.

Officers who were dispatched to the woman's home arrived to find four fried goldfish on a plate. The woman said she already ate the other three.

What no chips, or is it fries?

And finally:

Half a tree is better than a whole tree

One retailer is selling half Christmas trees this year.

The artificial tree appears bushy and full from the front, but it is an illusion. It has been sliced down the middle, so it has no back, allowing owners to push the Christmas tee against their sitting room walls, saving valuable space.

B&Q, which are stocking the £29.98 trees, is confident it will prove a hit with owners of bijou pads in lofts and newbuild flats across the country, keen to decorate their homes with Dickensian lavishness even if their homes would struggle to fit in the Cratchits' turkey.

The 6 foot high trees hit the market just a few months after a damning report by the Commission for Architecture and the Built Environment (Cabe), which suggested newbuild homes are increasingly cramped, with the majority of owners complaining they did not have enough space.

Elaine Walter, Christmas buyer at B&Q said: “In modern small houses, saving space is crucial, and as a result compact products are much in demand. These half Christmas trees are being introduced to help create that same warm festive look, using half the space and decorated in half the time.”

Tom Bolton at Cabe said: "These are rather clever. Christmas trees take up a lot of space at the best of times and B&Q is just reacting to what their customers have told them – furniture needs to take up less space."

But shouldn’t it be half the price?

Angus

AnglishLit

Angus Dei-NHS-THE OTHER SIDE

Angus Dei politico

Knickers nicker, In-line Maniac, Suggestive Sausages and a Farracitro

I am having real problems with the internet today; my diagnostics say everything is fine; I have a connection speed of 4.8 Mbps but web pages are taking ten minutes to load.

I think the server may have swine flu.

First up (hopefully):

1,000 underpants

Officers raided 56-year-old Michael Wolker's flat after he was stopped leaving a club with three pairs of used underpants in a bag.

And found more than 1,000 pairs.

Wolker also had more than 100 pairs of swimming trunks, they were all evidently in use, but had been washed and neatly stacked away,' a police spokesman said.

Wolker denies stealing the underwear, claiming he obtained them over the internet and from car boot sales.

Yeah right, most men have about seven pairs (not me of course I have at least, well eight pairs), and if they are single maybe less than that.

Because as the old adage goes “you can only wear one pair at a time”.

There's always one

Wearing specially designed in-line skates, Dirk Auer made the attempt at the Trips Drill theme park in Stuttgart, Germany.

Reaching speeds of 90 kph, Mr Auer skated the 860 metre track in just over one minute.

This was a very dangerous stunt because there were so many factors to consider," said the 36-year-old, who conquered the rickety ride last weekend.

"The roller caster is wooden and so unlike rides made from iron and steel there was always a chance of the odd nail or screw that would not be entirely flat.

"If the skates were to catch a stray nail then I could have fallen and I would almost certainly have died."

Spending two months planning the outrageous stunt, Dirk also designed and made the monster skates, which took him a total of 110 hours work.

He already holds the world record for reaching speeds of 307 km/h as he was dragged along behind a Porsche GT2 and has raced down a roller-coaster wearing only his skates.

Dirk, from Gross-Gerau near Frankfurt, is considered to be the most extreme inline-skater in the world.

That is not the description I would use.

Mattesons moral dilemma

A sexually suggestive ad campaign for Mattesons smoked pork sausages has been criticised by the advertising watchdog.


The innuendo-filled radio adverts for Mattesons sausages asked listeners where they would like to "stick it".

The Advertising Standards Authority (ASA) upheld complaints that the ads should not have been aired when children were likely to be listening.

The ASA ruled that the four adverts, broadcast on Forth One, Clyde Radio and Real Radio, must no longer be aired at times when children were likely to be listening.

It is obvious where you would “stick it” isn’t it?


And finally:

Ferracitro

Yet more maniacs have decided to cross a Citroen 2CV with a Ferrari – and produced a bread van which can travel at 180mph.

The bizarre hybrid took the pair five years and cost more than £150,000 to put together.

They took the chassis and engine of a speedy Ferrari F355 Berlinetta and combined it with the body of a 12bhp Citroen 2CV Fourgonnette bread-van.

And they stuck the iconic prancing pony logo on the front above the famous Citroen double chevron emblem.

The result of their efforts is a striking vehicle that can accelerate from 0 to 60mph in less than five seconds.

The car was put together by Nicolo Lamberti, 35, and Milko Dalla Costa, 51, who run the Italian Nimik rally team.

Mr Lamberti said they found the Ferrari at an "interesting price" and decided to modify it.

They had the idea to combine it with the 2CV after seeing it abandoned in the back of a garage in Turate, in Northern Italy.


That is a lot of bread for well, a bread van.

Angus

Angus Dei politico

Angus Dei-NHS-THE OTHER SIDE