Dead mouse in Downing Street: Fishy Skunk shooting: Valley of balls: Koala crawl: Antibiotic sausages: and a Big racquet.

A bit of solar stuff, not a lot of atmospheric movement and a lack of warm stuff at the Castle this morn, the interweb thingy seems to have returned to its former state and apologies to those who have commented, I will catch up.

And apparently we have another few days of a different big sporty thing in the Smoke.

 

Up in the big empty black house that resides in Downing Street

Allegedly while U-Turn Cam is dahn in pastyland Larry the Downing Street cat has finally recorded a kill.

The No 10 spokesman quipped: "The only dead mouse in Downing Street is the one Larry caught this morning."

 

Sod it! I thought it was the other rodent....

 

Over the hurricane forming salty thing on the left

Authorities say a Central Texas woman aiming for a skunk accidentally shot her husband when the bullet ricocheted.

Brazos County Sheriff Chris Kirk says the husband was expected to be released Monday from a Houston hospital. Kirk says the accident happened Sunday night at the family's house near College Station. The husband was inside.

Kirk says the bullet ricocheted off a deck, went through the house's closed back door and struck the husband in the abdomen. Kirk says the bullet did not damage any vital organs.

The sheriff says the wife, who has a concealed handgun permit, came out of the home's detached garage and saw a skunk. Kirk says the woman fired a .45-caliber handgun at the animal but missed.

 

Yeah right....allegedly...

 

Right a lot to one of the Stan’s

Close to the town of Shetpe in Western Kazakhstan lies the Valley of Balls – or Torysh, as it is known in Kazakh. It consists of numerous ball-like rock formations strewn across a wide range of steppe land. The balls range in size from tiny marble-like rocks to huge boulders the size of a car.

The phenomenon is poorly researched, but there could be a number of geological explanations from megaspherulites - crystalline balls formed in volcanic ash and then revealed by weathering - to cannonball concretions - a process where sediment accumulates around a harder core - to spherical weathering wherein the conditions are just right to erode rocks into spherical form. In this case due to the range of sizes the most likely explanation is that of spherulite formation.

Visible from the Valley is Sherkala (Lion Rock), a stunning 332m white and ochre chalk outcrop with numerous fissures along its rim and even more rock formations at its foot. Close by are also the scant ruins of the Silk Road town Kyzylkala. 

Load of old megaspherulites?

 

Dahn Unda

An Amateur video captured a koala doing the crawl in the Tallebudgera Creek on the Gold Coast.

Koalas sleep for up to 16 hours a day and sightings of them swimming are extremely rare.

They are also known to drown if they fall in when drinking from swimming pools and are unable to climb out. Experts say it is possible the koala felt trapped on the bank of the tidal creek and decided the canoe was its best available escape route.

Local media said the stunned canoeists put the animal on an embankment at a local golf club where koalas were known to populate the gum trees.

 

Quite a lot like me then-except for the drinking from swimming pools and populating gum trees....

 

Back in the USA and other places

 

 

Antibiotic residues in uncured pepperoni or salami meat are potent enough to weaken helpful bacteria that processors add to acidify the sausage to make it safe for consumption, according to a study to be published in mBio, the online open-access journal of the American Society for Microbiology, on August 28.

Sausage manufacturers commonly inoculate sausage meat with lactic-acid-producing bacteria in an effort to control the fermentation process so that the final product is acidic enough to kill pathogens that might have existed in the raw meat. By killing the bacteria that produce lactic acid, antibiotic residues can allow pathogenic bacteria to proliferate.

Researchers at the University of Copenhagen, Denmark, and University College Cork, Ireland, found that antibiotic concentrations within limits set by US and European Union (EU) regulators are high enough to slow fermentation, the process that acidifies the sausages and helps destroy food borne pathogens like Salmonella or E. coli.

 

No more pizzas for me....

 

And finally:

 

Up to the Big Apple

 

New Yorker Ashrita Furman has just built a tennis racquet the size of a bus.

Furman, who holds the record for the most Guinness World Records at one time -- currently 151 -- hopes his mammoth wooden racquet will soon join the list.

The contraption is an exact copy of the wooden one used by Billie Jean King in the 1970s when she reigned over women's tennis at tournaments like the US Open that kicked off in New York this week.

The laminated wooden head, brown grip, red trim and inscriptions are a perfect match.

The only difference is that the racket measures 50 feet (15.2 meters) long and has a head 16 feet (4.9 meters) wide. The strings are made of water hose and the handle is so big that even a large person would have trouble wrapping both arms around it.

"It's 22.2 times bigger and done to scale," Furman told AFP.

 

Pity Tim Henman didn’t have one, he might have bleedin won something...

 

That’s it: I’m orf to get the tape measure out.

 

And today’s thought:

Gimme-Gimme I want the big racquet NOW!

 

 

Angus

Old age U-Turn Cam: Bed ridden NHS: Pachyderm prevention: Flight of the Canaries: Squatters pigging out on Nazca lines: and Smurfs invade the Smoke.

Bit of this, bit of that and none of the other at the Castle this morn, it seems that the Wevver is doing a U-Turn just like “Dave”.

Just returned from the stale bread, gruel and his Maj’s food run dahn Tesco, prices still on the up; but only another few months until Morrisons opens.

And talking of the Prime Monster

Himself, what’s his name and the rest of the Piss Poor Policies Millionaires Club Coalition have done yet another 180, this time over “care for the old”.

The amount of money that people will have to pay towards the cost of their care in old age is to be capped by the Government after a dramatic policy rethink by U-Turn Cam.

Andrew Lansley, the Elf Secretary, announced that ministers were shelving recommendations to limit the individual cost of social care to £35,000 per person because of the £2bn cost to the Treasury. But The Independent has been told by senior sources within both Coalition parties that the plans have now been revived. They will be formally announced in the autumn as part of a Coalition relaunch and will be included in the Care and Support Bill.

The Dilnot commission recommended that the "asset threshold" over which people would have to contribute to the cost of their care in old age should rise dramatically, from £23,350 to £100,000.

There would also be a £35,000 "lifetime cap" on costs, after which the state would pick up the bill for care. This would allow individuals to buy insurance to cover the £35,000 initial outlay and save them from having to sell assets, such as their house, to pay for care costs.

Allegedly shit for brains Cameron's rethink came just a week after the Government announced it was not going ahead with the Dilnot commission's recommendations.

Confused? I am... But not surprised.

 

All over aging, accident prone Blighty

It seems that tens of thousands of NHS patients waited up to 12 hours for a hospital trolley in accident and emergency departments before getting a bed, official figures show.

Almost 67,000 patients during the first half of this year endured long waits for emergency beds, an increase of nearly a third, according to the government statistics.

While campaigners condemned the findings as “startling”, the Department of Health insisted that A&E departments were already offering an improved service.

Over a six-month period to June, 66,845 patients were found to have waited for between four and 12 hours for a bed once doctors decided they needed to be admitted.

During the same period the previous year, nearly 51,000 patients endured similar waiting times, the equivalent of a 31 per cent rise, according to the DoH. 

And that is just the first six months of this O’limp dick year....still, “they" don’t have to worry, “they” have all got BUPA.

 

Right thousand of do-dahs

And dahn to Sarf Africa, a province which is home to thousands of elephants is planning a birth control campaign for the pachyderms to prevent a population explosion that could threaten plants and wildlife.

Unlike other parts of Africa where elephant stocks have dwindled to dangerously low levels due to poaching and a loss of habitat, South Africa has seen its populations steadily grow through conservation, with the country pressed for room to house the massive animals with hefty diets.

KwaZulu-Natal province, in the southeast, is looking to expand a project running for more than a decade where elephants’ populations have been controlled by injecting cows with a vaccine that triggers an immune system response to block sperm reception. 

It was either that or six foot long condoms...shouldn’t they have injected the elephants instead?

West to the home of the bird and the land of the feathered

Police are looking for two people they say stole more than 500 canaries from the home of an 87-year-old Florida man.

Police say the men entered Manuel Sanchez's home on May 27 and took the birds. The next day, they sold the birds to at least three pet shops.

The canaries are valued at $30 each, which means the thefts were worth about $15,000 in all.

Police on Wednesday asked the public for help in identifying the suspects. Authorities say images of the suspects selling the birds were captured by video surveillance cameras.

Police were able to recover about 150 birds.


The rest of them disguised themselves as budgies and evaded capture...

Dahn more than a Peruvian mile or two

Squatters have started raising pigs on the site of Peru's Nazca lines - the giant designs best seen from an airplane that were mysteriously etched into the desert more than 1,500 years ago.

The squatters have destroyed a Nazca-era cemetery and the 50 shacks they have built border Nazca figures, said Blanca Alva, a director at Peru's culture ministry.

She said the squatters, the latest in a succession of encroachments over the years into the protected Nazca area, invaded the site during the Easter holidays in April and that Peruvian laws designed to protect the poor and landless have thwarted efforts to remove them.

In Peru, squatters who occupy land for more than a day have the right to a judicial process before eviction, which Alva said can take two to three years.

The Nazca lines known as geoglyphs, declared a UNESCO world heritage site in 1994, were produced over a period of a thousand years on a 200 square mile (500 square km) stretch of coastal desert.

They include enormous birds, monkeys and other geometric shapes. The culture ministry evicted a separate batch of squatters in January from near a sprawling design known as the Solar Clock, only to
face down a new group months later.


Good job that it didn’t happen in Blighty, they would have had Elfandsafety on them by now...

And finally:

Back to the Smoke

Apparently Scores of Hartlepool United fans dressed as Smurfs on an away-day trip to London have become an online sensation.

The supporters – in white overalls, blue tops, white beards, blue faces and white hats – travelled down for their side’s final match of the season against Charlton on Saturday.

A picture posted on Twitter of the Smurfs descending an escalator to get on the underground at London’s King’s Cross station was viewed 13,500 times in 24 hours. 

Well, I suppose if you support Hartlepool you have to have something to look forward to...

That’s it: I’m orf to cancel my order for the Waverider and then back to the bunker....

And today’s thought:

I don’t know...women pilots.....

Angus

All piss and wind U-Turn Cam: Sixty per cent law: Moose has a swing: Tomato wine: No fun in the Big Apple: and an ‘ere-‘ere De-daw.

More than a lot of solar stuff, nary an iota of atmospheric movement and even less wet stuff at the Castle this morn, the liquid metal in the gauge has gorn all Olympic and is trying to reach the gold gong at the top of the tube and I managed to do some serious vandalism in the garden yester aftermorn and now I have another load for the “recycling centre”.

And the formatting thingy on blogger seems to have a mind of its own today.

And as Blighty slowly sinks into the economic sewer

Our fearless bleader has more important things on his mind than actually doing his fucking job because the noise from the beach volleyball is keeping him awake.

The Prime Monster reckons that 'It's all very amusing for five minutes until you try to get the children to sleep. They have Moves like Jagger every sort of ten minutes. There are particular DJs, who do particular things,'

Aaron Copeland's 1942 classic Fanfare for the Common Man is another favourite on the loop of songs being played at Horse Guards Parade, along with Maroon 5 and Christina Aguilera hit song Moves like Jagger an aide noted.

And Dave has had a pop at Michael Phelps and Ryan Lochte because they have been peeing in the Olympic swimming pool before their swims he weighed in saying: 'I was quite surprised by that. It is not OK to pee in the pool.'

Yeah right Knob Head; never had a slash in the swimming pool yourself-eh...

 

Dahn in the West-est County

About 40% of crimes reported to a police force in the most recent year were not investigated, figures reveal.

Of 91,532 incidents reported to Devon and Cornwall Police during the 2011/12 financial year, 36,575 were not investigated after initial assessment.

The Freedom of Information (FOI) figures showed that investigations shelved by officers included about 11,000 reports of criminal damage, 4,000 thefts from vehicles and 3,700 burglaries.

The rate was a rise from the previous year's figure of about 34% of some 86,000 cases not going forward.

The force said that all crimes reported to them "received an appropriate level of investigation".

The Police Federation claimed it showed that cuts were affecting policing and the force was failing crime victims.

Or maybe it’s because they can’t be bothered to get out of their comfortable BMWs and do what they are paid for.....

Left to the home of the “cell phone” and the land of big horny animals

Police were called when residents spotted a moose tangled in chains outside a home in Ogden, about 40 miles north of Salt Lake City in Utah.

Utah deputy Lane Findlay was told it would take at least an hour for wildlife officers to arrive, so tried to free the distressed and bleeding animal himself.

He handed his mobile phone to onlookers and asked them to video the scene, saying: "If something happens to me, give this to my wife."

Sgt Findlay eventually managed to free the struggling animal using a pair of bolt cutters.

The tangled swing fell to the ground and the moose trotted to a nearby bucket of water and began drinking, then collapsed from exhaustion.

Sgt Findlay spent an hour spraying down the animal with a hose before wildlife officers arrived to treat the animal.



What does he want-a bleedin medal....

Up a bit to the last pink bit on the map

Pascal Miche, a wine maker from Quebec, Canada, uses tomatoes to create an unusual yet increasingly popular vintage. His secret lies in a four-generations-old Belgian family recipe.

A former pork butcher, Pascal Miche moved from Belgium to Canada’s Quebec province, seven years ago and decided to go through with his idea of commercializing his grandfather’s precious wine, made according to an old recipe. He finally kick started his business in 2009, planted his “vineyard” and began making tomato wine.

For his Omerto wine, named after his grandfather, Omer, he uses subarctic, yellow and black cherry tomatoes, chosen for their bountiful yield and gustative properties.

According to sommeliers, Omerto tomato wine has a ”hint of fruit, zesty aspects, familiar in cakes… a bit honey-sweet, which could be very good with deserts and spicy foods,” and is often compared to a sweet Pineau des Charentes.

Who says there are no wine snobs....?

Dahn a fair way to the Big Apple

City officials pulled the plug on a vibrator giveaway by the Trojan condom company yesterday, disappointing potentially thousands of pleasure-seeking women who hoped to get their hands on some no-cost sex toys.

“I’m 57 years old. I should be able to get a vibrator!” declared Linda Postell, who was among hundreds of women (and men!) waiting in the heat on Pearl Street only to be left unsatisfied. “I have a problem with the smoking ban, and the soda ban — and now this!”

Trojan sent tingles of excitement across the city when it announced the giveaway of some 10,000 vibrating sex toys from hot-dog-style pushcarts.

Trojan began by handing out about 400 free vibrators without incident on Sixth Avenue in Rockefeller Centre between 11 a.m. and noon.

The giveaways were scheduled to start at 4 p.m. in the Flatiron District and near the South Street Seaport.

As carts arrived at each location, nearly 300 women and quite a number of guys queued up.

But instead of climaxing in a successful giveaway, the promotion was prematurely interrupted by City Hall, which sent a dark-suited representative to put the squeeze on Trojan’s “Pleasure Carts.”

The spoilsport, who declined to identify himself, told Trojan’s reps at the Flatiron location that they had to shut down because of the size of the crowd that had gathered.

Ah, the old too many people enjoying themselves ploy....

And finally:

East more than a lot of non Imperial units



 

A woman who checked into China's Changsha Central Hospital Wednesday (Aug. 8) with an itchy ear learned she had a small spider dwelling in her ear canal, according to news reports. It had crawled inside five days earlier while she slept.

At the hospital, pictures of the patient's ear canal revealed a stocky, hairy, four-eyed arachnid peering out at the camera, much to doctors' and the patient's surprise.

Amid concerns that disturbing the spider would cause it to "instinctively drill its barbs deeper, scratching the ear canal," local news sources reported that doctors succeeded in removing the creature by pouring saline solution into the ear canal and flushing it out.

As the spider's outstretched foot emerged from her ear, the patient, identified only as "Ms. Lee," reportedly "almost started crying

I’d have been running round the ceiling by then...

That’s it: I’m orf to buy a Meshworm 


And today’s thought:
Chase me-Olympics







Angus

SuperTwat U-Turn Cam: Exploding teenagers: Seeing-eye Horse: Japanese body art: Dancing tanks: and an atomic threesome.

One guess as to the weather at the Castle this morn, dry, warm and sunny comes nowhere near it, I think all this skywater may be my fault; I lost my head and purchased a new pair of shorts and since then it hasn’t stopped pissing dahn, or it could be Wimbledon or even the nearly here Olympics, it certainly isn’t global warming otherwise it would be hot......wouldn’t it?

His Maj is so fed up that he has turned into a rug cat

And the saddest sight in the garden-strawberries in the rain.

Apparently shit for brains U-Turn Cam

Will do 'whatever it takes' to protect busted Blighty from the Greeks, he was speaking after Theresa May was accused of stoking racial tensions and even risking Britons' Greek summer holidays after she used an interview with the Daily Telegraph to announce emergency immigration controls in the event of the failure of the euro.

Nick Clegg, the Deputy Prime Minister, appeared to back away from the proposal, saying that the Government was merely "monitoring the situation".

Appearing before the Commons Liaison Committee, Mr Cameron was asked which version was correct – and he backed Mrs May.

 Right up to the point that he doesn’t.......

Over in the home of “research” and the land of the “expert”

A new study, based on a household survey of 10,148 young teenagers in the US, found that nearly two thirds had a history of anger attacks involving real or threatened violence.

It also found that one in 12 met strict criteria for a diagnosis of IED (Intermittent Explosive Disorder). Across the US, that would equate to almost six million individuals.

IED, recognised as an impulse control disorder, usually begins in late childhood and persists through the middle years of life.

To be diagnosed with IED, a person must at any time in life have had three episodes of ''grossly out of proportion'' impulsive aggressiveness.

Just ‘normal’ teenagers then.......

Still in the place where horsing around is king

The first U.S. school for guide dog training, named The Seeing Eye, opened its doors in 1929 and has been in business since.

But not all people like dogs, and this includes some of the visually impaired and those with other disabilities which call for a service animal. So what other options are out there?

Meet the guide mini-horse.

The Guide Horse Foundation in North Carolina notes that guide horses are useful for about thirty years compared to around a dozen for dogs, making them arguably more cost effective over their useful lifespan. But there are downsides. The miniature horses need to live outside and require a lot more space than a guide dog, which can live in a small apartment without much difficulty.



They also have the need to relieve themselves more often than dogs.

No shit...sorry loads of shit.....

East to the land where radiation has had no effect on the population at all

Chooo-san, as people call her, doesn’t need to bother with photo-shopping her pictures because she has an, unusual “talent”.

With nothing more than acrylic paint, she can turn herself into a battery-operated Cyborg or even into an alien with many eyes.

Hmmm

 

Up more than a smidge and left a fair way

Russian tanks show off their moves at an artillery show in Moscow, titled Invincible and Legendary.

The tanks moved to music in a show in Zhukov sponsored by Russia’s weapons exporting company, Rosoboronexport.

Nice-what I want to know is where they got a space shuttle from.....

And finally: 

Forget the almost Higgs Boson

A Kansas State University-led quantum mechanics study has discovered a new bound state in atoms that may help scientists better understand matter and its composition.

The yet-unnamed bound state, which the physicists simply refer to as “our state” in their study, applies to three identical atoms loosely bound together — behaviour called three-body bound states in quantum mechanics. In this state, three atoms can stick together in a group but two cannot. Additionally, in some cases, the three atoms can stick together even when any two are trying to repel each other and break the connection.

“It’s really counterintuitive because not only is the pair interaction too weak to bind two atoms together, it’s also actively trying to push the atoms apart, which is clearly not the goal when you want things to stick together,” said Brett Esry, university distinguished professor of physics at Kansas State University and the study’s lead investigator.

Always wanted to watch a threesome....see pic...

That’s it: I’m orf to buy some seaweed toothpaste

And today’s thought:

Solo Tantric sex Olympics

Angus

The blame game: Dave and his daughter: Chuffin bonkers: Ring in a ring: Mantra footie: and Take your pick...

‘tis chucking it dahn at the Castle this morn, the liquid metal gauge is struggling to rise and his Maj thinks that I can control the wevver so that he can go out.

No post yesterday as it was the annual Canadian Grand Prix old farts day out, a drive to Chobham to meet up with five or six other old farts (depending who is still alive) at my rich gits mate’s house, then orf to Teddington lock for a pub lunch, then a trip up the river on his motor cruiser, then back to his house to watch said Grand Prix on his fifty inch, smart, HD, 3D internet connected “entertainment centre” on Sky F1 which started at 7 of the pm.

And as old farts do we all fell asleep and missed the bloody thing, but the weather was nice, luckily I set the thingy to record the highlights on BBC1, but as usual I already know who won....roll on next year...

Son of a B....aronet and alien reptile in disguise

George (I blame all those foreigners) Osborne has decided that it isn’t his Piss Poor Policies which has put bollixed up Blighty back in the recession league.

Apparently Hopes of a British economic revival are being "killed off" by events across the Channel, he claimed.

Writing in yesterday's Sunday Telegraph, George O warned that the deal to rescue Spain's banking system would not be sufficient to end the threat to the UK economy.

He said. "That's why a resolution of the eurozone crisis would do more than anything else to give our economy a boost."

Fuck orf you overeducated shit for brains Bullingdon knob head.....

And U-Turn Cam had to do yet another U-Turn

To retrieve his eight year old daughter from the pub:

Allegedly the Prime Monster, Mrs Prime Monster and a few body guards pulled up to Chequers, two miles away from The Plough in Cadsden, Bucks before they realised she was not with them.

U-Turn Cam jumped straight in the car and rushed back to collect his daughter, arriving at the pub about 15 minutes after the family had originally left.

Upon his arrival he was relieved to find Nancy contentedly helping out the staff, according to reports. Downing Street confirmed the incident had happened after a Sunday lunch but the exact date was not known.

 

Probably because Dave can’t remember it....

And the latest thing for aspiring ball kickers

Is; chanting mantras in the dressing room before games:, Hypnotherapist Sheila Granger’s “mind management” sessions included the lads chanting phrases such as “I can be the best tackler” and “We can score the best goals”. She said: “I also got the boys to sit in a circle and stare at a football in the middle

“I told them to close their eyes and ­visualise playing their best as well as how they wanted the match to go. They almost go into a trance. The idea is to focus their attention and get rid of any distractions.

“I told the team to delete any thoughts of negatives in the past – such as bad tackles from previous games. If you keep focusing on the negatives it can be a distraction.”

It’s only a game.....

East to the land of ex-British rail

How to get 1,000 people on a chuff-chuff in 30 seconds.

Back in rear exit Blighty

Fire crews were called to a hospital to cut off a sex aid after a pensioner had battled for 36 hours to remove it.

Bemused surgeons asked for help when the 69-year-old turned up at North Manchester General Hospital and revealed his problem.

Crews from Blackley station rushed to the ward and used a precision cutting tool to free the patient.

The patient originally turned up at Fairfield Hospital, Bury, at 11pm before he was transferred to North Manchester.

Plans were made to use a four-inch angle grinder to remove the ring-shaped object, but eventually an air cut-off tool was selected.

Cooling cream was applied to the area and the patient was asked to sign a form acknowledging he was aware of the dangers of the operation.

The delicate procedure took place in the operating theatre and is understood to have taken more than an hour.

The man spent the night at the hospital and was released yesterday morning.

It is thought fire-fighters involved were offered counselling following the incident.

Should have used a cucumber.....

And finally:

East a bit to the land that probably won’t be much longer

In the capitol of democracy, Clarke police are trying to track down thieves who stole nearly 400,000 toothpicks from a local toothpick manufacturer.

Six cases of toothpicks went missing from Armond’s Manufacturing Company Inc., 95 Trade St., Athens about two weeks ago, and another seven cases disappeared last weekend, according to police.

Each case contained 288 packages of 100 toothpicks, which brings the total number of purloined picks to 374,400.

The plastic toothpicks have a total value of $2,808, police said.

In addition to the MicroPicks, the thieves also stole cases of white ProPicks, police said.

 

Pick and pack pilferers...

That’s it: I’m orf to use Kinsight to find my keys

And today’s thought:

Touchy-feely winter Olympics

  

Angus  

Nepalese nest egg: Our chance: U-Turn Cam-reality check: G’day Dave: Wombling Crimbo: Getting Nun: and Larry has PMs Confidence.

Cold, damp, dismal and dodgy at the Castle this morn, the study is filling up nicely with things that do not work, his Maj has finally stopped bringing me worms and the garden is still in need of the rest of the vandalism I have had to postpone.

 

I see that dahn ‘ere in ‘Ampshire

The Castle’s local council is to receive the "majority" of a £1.5m fund set up to ease the pressure on resources amid an influx of former Ghurkha soldiers.

Up to 10% of the population of Rushmoor Borough Council, whose area includes Aldershot, is now Nepalese after a legal ruling allowing them to stay.

In 2009 the government allowed Ghurkha soldiers who had retired before 1997 to settle in the UK, which followed a high-profile campaign lead by actress Joanna Lumley.

I used to like Lumley...

Apparently last night U-Turn Cam described the EU as "out of touch" with reality, but insisted that Britain would be worse off if it left the 27-nation club.

In his annual foreign policy speech, the Prime Minister said the crisis in the eurozone offered an opportunity to "refashion" the EU. Describing himself as a sceptic, he attacked the union's "grand plans and utopian visions" and said: "For too long, the European Union has tried to make reality fit its institutions. But you can only succeed in the long run if the institutions fit the reality."

 

That does sound familiar-out of touch with reality, grand plans and utopian visions-ah, yes it is the Piss Poor Policies Millionaires Club Coalition.

 And:  

A bit of Dave-ja vu

Brussels has become ‘out of touch’ with ‘pointless interference, rules and regulations that stifle growth not unleash it’, the prime minister said.

However, he insisted that with European countries accounting for half of Britain’s trade, ‘leaving the EU is not in our national interest’.

Meanwhile, the Bank of England is expected to slash its growth forecast today from 1.5 per cent to one per cent amid fears the crisis will drag Britain into a double-dip recession.

Unemployment figures, out on Wednesday, are expected to show youth unemployment has hit one million

It’s all going well then Dave.....

And staying with the Arse

U-Turn Cam was met with laughter and applause for his attempt at mastering the Australian accent while recounting a meeting with our very own Prime Minister Julia Gillard

In his annual set piece foreign policy speech to the Lord Mayor of London's banquet, Cameron described the Commonwealth Heads of Government meeting in Perth as one of the highlights of his year.

Cameron labelled the meeting's decision to allow first-born daughters the right to the British thrown as an 'historic agreement' and preceded to relate a conversation with Gillard.

'At the end of this meeting I turned to the Australian Prime Minister and said thank you very much Julia for allowing us to have this meeting in Australia,' Cameron said.

'And she said, I can't quite do the accent but I'll try - 'Not a bit David, this is good news for Sheila’s everywhere'.' 

He isn’t doing much of a job mimicking being a politician either....

Up in Wimbledon

Britain’s furriest eco-warriors The Wombles have decided to take on the TV talent contest after their Glastonbury performance became the surprise hit of this summer’s festivals.

The video for Wombling Merry Christmas, which charted at No.2 in Christmas 1974, sees the novelty stars send up former X-Factor hopefuls Jedward as they perform to judges, including a Womble Simon Cowell.

A greatest hits album, The W Factor, will also be released on December 12, featuring singles such as Remember You’re A Womble.

Uncle Bulgaria, star of the children’s TV show that spawned the band, said: ‘I don’t watch much television – I leave that to the young Wombles – but I hear The X Factor is jolly popular.

Not in the Castle it isn’t.....

Over in the land of Casinos and credit cards

A nun has narrowly avoided jail in the US after she admitted stealing £620,000 to gamble in slot machines.

Sister Marie Thornton, 65, took the cash from a Catholic college where she worked as a financial officer, reports The Mirror.

Manhattan federal court heard she would regularly lose more than £3,000 in one session in casinos in Atlantic City.

She submitted false invoices and arranged for Iona College in New York to pay her credit card bills. The college has clawed £300,000 back through insurance.

Thornton admitted stealing over 10 years and said she was "deeply sorry" for the embarrassment caused to her religious order and family.

A judge ordered her to complete 2,000 hours of unpaid work and pay back £217,600, saying it appeared she had been rehabilitated.

As an act of contrition, the nun now spends her days and nights in solitary confinement in a small room inside a Philadelphia convent.

A really bad habit-sorry......

And finally:

Back in number ten

Downing Street defended its resident cat Larry on Monday after Prime Minister David Cameron reportedly flung a fork at a mouse that had escaped the tabby's attention.

The Daily Mail newspaper said Cameron saw the mouse during a dinner with Cabinet colleagues at 10 Downing Street in central London and hurled a silver folk at the rodent as it scuttled across the floor.

Larry was recruited from a strays' home as Downing Street's "mouser-in-chief" in February after a rat was spotted in television news bulletins scurrying around outside the famous black door of the PM's residence.

Asked whether Larry should resign, Cameron's official spokesman said only: "Larry brings a lot of pleasure to a lot of people".

Unlike the rest of the residents....

That’s it: I’m orf to put a filter on the moat. 

And today’s thought: Do not meddle in the affairs of cats, for they are subtle and will piss on your computer.

Angus