Get your finger out CHunt: Look to Home: Thighs the limit: Precision walking: Belgian old fart GPS Numpty: and the DeLorean hovercraft:

Not a lot of lack of cold, even less atmospheric movement, just as much white fluffy stuff and less solar stuff than you could fit in U-Turn Cam’s “brain”, just returned from the stale bread (£1.45) gruel (94p a tin) and his Maj’s food run dahn Equine Tesco, managed to avoid all the knob heads that have to drive at ten fucking miles an hour on perfectly clear and safe roads who stop at every roundabout whether it is clear or not.

If “they” are that scared of a bit of wet and cold then they should get out of their motors and walk so that the rest of us can proceed at a decent pace to where we are going.

Still using HMTL to insert photos....

 

And talking of useless CHunts 

 

The ‘Elf Secretary reckons that a forthcoming report on standards in the NHS would provoke “a huge debate” about poor standards of care and the absence of “compassion” on hospital wards.

While the scandal at the Mid Staffordshire NHS trust represented the worst of the problem, “everyone can sense that there are little bits of Stafford dotted around the system”, Mr CHunt said.

His comments come 10 days before he is due to receive the final report from the public inquiry, conducted by Robert Francis QC, into standards of care following the Mid Staffs scandal.

Stafford hospital was exposed in 2009 after regulators found that between 600 and 1,200 patients died unnecessarily after suffering appalling standards of care.

Patients were found in their own excrement, thirsty and without pain relief, while in A&E it was left to receptionists to assess which cases were urgent and who should wait.

Official figures showed that there were 70 cases of surgery being conducted on the wrong parts of patient’s bodies in 2011-12, and 161 foreign objects being left inside patients after operations. In total, 326 “never events” occurred during the last year, almost one a day.

Jezza CHunt said he had been dismayed by the number of so-called “never events”, such as the wrong limb being amputated, or the wrong implant being fitted, that take place in the NHS.

 

Not as fucking “dismayed” as the poor bastards on the receiving end Jezza...

 

And shit for brains U-Turn Cam is concentrating on Norf Africa 

Where half a dozen Brits sadly got killed by “terrorists”, and reckons that the world must respond with "iron resolve" to the terrorist threat, fair enough and condolences to the families but we do have more pressing problems in Blighty-the item above for a start which is happening every day not once in a BP moon, but at least Silly Billy has got his 15 minutes of fame.

Time this “government” got its priorities right.

 

The latest “thing” to emerge from the land where radiation is a thing of the past 

 

Has come from a Japanese “marketing” firm that is recruiting girls to promote companies by wearing sticker adverts…on their thighs, the gap between the hem of a short skirt and the top of a long sock is apparently called ‘zettai ryouiki’ in Japanese, which roughly translates as ‘absolute territory’.

 

Absolute crap....

 

Still in the land of “slanty eyed yellow bastards” (quote from Prince Phil the Greek)

 

Another fad is “Precision Walking” where a load of tosspots walk about in formation while being shouted at by an even bigger tosspot.

 

Otherwise known in Blighty as military drills.... 

Back in what is left of Europe

 

A Belgian woman drove for nearly 1500 kilometres through six countries before realising her car navigation system had "gone wrong". Then she had to drive all the way back.

Sabine Moreau, 67, left her home at Solre-sur-Sambre to pick up a friend from the train station at Brussels.

The journey was meant to last just 61km, but she took a wrong turn and ended up 1500km away in Zagreb, Croatia, the UK's Daily Mail reported.

It's believed she drove through France, Germany, Austria and Slovenia on the way.

She passed traffic signs in different languages and stopped to refuel her car several times and get some sleep, but didn't stop to question the Tom-tom sat-nav until 60 hours later when she realised she may not be in Belgium anymore.

A police spokesman from Belgium said it was "an incredible story" and said the woman did nothing wrong.

 

Well; she is Belgian.....what a cupid old stunt....

 

And finally: 

From the home of the car and the land of the odd

Comes the DeLorean hovercraft...

 

Handles about as well as it did on the road...

 

That’s it: I’m orf to check out my helix

 

And today’s thought:

Hyundai non-hovercraft

 

 

Angus

 

 

Ugly sisters go German: Dutch ‘Orses: Bucket burglar: Super Sniper Scope: The Desk Egg: and a really big Telly.

 

Onerous amounts of white fluffy stuff, only a whimsy of atmospheric movement, oodles of lack of warm and as usual sod all solar stuff at the Castle this morn, everything has come to a halt dahn ‘ere in ‘Ampshire, no busses, not a lot of trains, closed schools, closed work places, not a glimpse of postman Pat and even the rich bastards that jet their way out of Farnborough airport in their private planes are grounded. 

And it wasn’t as if the Met Office gave us a couple of days notice was it.... 

Still having to use HMTL to post pictures, still it’s only been two fucking weeks since the “problem” started-fucking Blogger.

 

And I see that as the Afghanistan do-dah winds dahn the shit for brains Government are looking at Algeria for their next reason to kill orf some more of our brave soldiers/soldieresses.

 

Apparently the Piss Poor Policies Millionaires Club Coalition 

Have appointed Princesses Beatrice and Eugenie to represent the UK in Germany, In a speech at the British embassy in Berlin, Princess Beatrice said that the promotional campaign was not only designed to attract tourists to the UK, but also to appeal to the business community.

"Britain has trend setting fashion, ground-breaking scientists and innovative technology companies," she said. "It is also a welcome home for investors. We're here to encourage more German businesses to join the thousands that are developing successful partnerships in Britain."

Beatrice and her sister then posed alongside an iconic Great Britain-branded Mini next to the Brandenburg gate, before setting off on their own "mini adventure" through the streets of Berlin.

 

Is this really the best we can do for dear old Blighty, and by the way ugly sisters the “iconic Great Britain-branded Mini” is a German BMW...

 

Allegedly Dutch suppliers have been identified as the suspected source of horse meat which contaminated beef burgers sold in British supermarkets. 

 

Food standards officials in Ireland have asked their Dutch counterparts to investigate “several companies” in connection with the scandal.

Officials believe the horse meat in beef burgers sold by British supermarkets came from contaminated “filler” imported from Holland.

Food safety experts claimed that suppliers in Europe might have passed off horse filler as beef because it costs four times less.

However, under Dutch regulations, if a company is found to have deliberately passed off horse meat as beef, the maximum fine is just €1,050 (£880).

Industry insiders said horse meat from Holland was likely to have been imported from Argentina or Brazil.

 

I’d go for Argentina-they don’t like us much do they.....

 

Over the salty snowy thing on the left 

Looking for some quick cash, Richard Boudreaux went on a burglary spree near his home in Slidell, Louisiana.

There was a flaw in the 23-year-old’s plan however, after he left the house without a mask to cover his face before breaking into the premises of a seafood restaurant where he used to work.

After remembering there was CCTV cameras in place, Mr Boudreaux did his best to conceal his identity, donning a five-gallon bucket over his head.

Boudreaux dressed in all camouflage, wore gloves to prevent leaving fingerprints, and packed burglary tools,’ said a Slidell police department spokesman.

‘Everything was going as planned until Boudreaux realised he forgot his mask to cover his identity.

‘Remembering that his former place of employment had surveillance cameras, Boudreaux improvised and found a bucket to put over his head as he scoured the business, looking for money.

He was later arrested at his home on charges of burglary and possession of marijuana.

 

And a big bucket....

 

Still in the home of weapons and land of the right to bear arms 

DARPA's new One Shot XG scope system will be able to accurately fire an M24 up to a mile. The rail mounted system incorporates a laser rangefinder that measures the speed of downfield crosswinds, distance to the target, atmospheric conditions, and other variables. It then calculates any necessary corrections and displays ballistic aim point offsets in the rifle's scope. Shooters simply need to line up their sights with what the system is displaying and boom: head shot.

While field testing likely won't begin until the end of 2013, preliminary tests have illustrated the system's promise. Shooters employing the One Shot improved their first hit probability by 400 percent and reduced the number of shots they had to take to get that first hit by 230 percent—all while spending 35-percent less time lining up the shots. In other words, this single innovation has the potential to make our snipers four times as deadly, 2.3 times more efficient, and a third quicker.

The entire system weighs 1.4 kg and operates equally well day or night, and it can even be used by a solo sniper. That's not to say that spotters are no longer needed—far from it, spotters perform a host of other vital duties while the sniper's staring down his sights—but the inclusion of a One Shot will make these teams even more efficient and reduce the need to deploy regular infantry.

 

Oh good.....

 

And from the NeatoShop comes 

The Desk Egg, an "eggscellent" paperclip organizer! Make a charming nest of paperclip with the magnetic egg. Your desk will be the talk of the office!

Egg-shaped paperclip organizer

Magnetic egg attracts metal paperclips like a little bird's nest

Includes 50 paper clips

Size: 2" dia. x 2-1/2" (5.1 cm dia. x 6.4 cm)

Design: Cheng-Tsung Feng

 And all for the bargain of $14.95 (plus snow bound postage).

 What do you when it hatches though......?

 

And finally:

 

From the land near where the ugly sisters are 

Porsche have diversified and now produce The C SEED 201 with a16ft-wide screen and costing £414,000 - four times as much as a Porsche 911 sports car.

It's made in Austria by made by the supercar company's Porsche Design Studio which hopes to sell 25 sets a year.

When switched off it is hidden away, but at the touch of a button seven folding panels rise from the ground and unveil the 201in widescreen.

It is made up of more than 725,000 LEDs which display 4.4 trillion colours and use biometric fingerprint sensors to prevent unauthorised use.

Alexander Swatek, from C SEED owner Global Bright Group, came up with the idea for the giant TV after being inspired by the phenomenon of public screenings.

"C SEED is a new brand that came about by pooling years of professional experience. It has a unique heritage because it draws on the best minds in their fields," he said.

 

The snag is that you can only watch it outside-unless you have a Castle....

 

That’s it: I’m orf to try out the “anti magnet” (if I can find it)

 

And today’s thought:

 

 

 

Angus

Shit for brains Shapps: Still U-Turning: Lock, stock and pussy: Big Nugget: Streaker teacher: and the Invisible man returns.

 

Less than a lot of warm stuff, not a puff of atmospheric movement, and dawn’s crack is still missing, as I sit here watching the onset of the white fluffy stuff the butler is using both conveyor belts to feed fat, carbon neutral teenagers into the furnace.

Apparently we are going to get quite a lot of snowman building blocks dahn ‘ere in ‘Ampshire which will of course bring the ’Ome counties to a standstill, buses will be cancelled, trains will not run, schools will close, deliveries will not be delivered and All and Sundry will be sat in front of their computers at home instead of going to work. 

It really is no wonder that Blighty is going dahn hill so fast, “when I were a lad” back in 1963 I remember walking two miles to school in two feet of snow, my mum and dad walked 3/5 miles respectively to get to work, teachers managed to report for duty, shops had plenty of “essentials” because they used a bit of common sense and stocked up, even postman Pat struggled through the wevver to deliver the mail.

But today it seems that the younger man/woman in the street can’t travel more than two hundred yards without the internal combustion engine, the slightest hint of white fluffy stuff is enough for them to abandon work, school and normal life and to have a day or four orf because of inclement wevver.

 

Come on Blighty, get up orf your arses and get out there, if you can walk to work, walk to school show a bit of spheroid strength and get on with life despite the scaremongering of “them” that think we are all gutless losers.

After all we could always use the uneaten ‘Orses to get about...

 

And talking of things that are not normally in our food chain, allegedly Tesco have abandoned meat altogether and are stocking a new type of vegetable that sums up the “management”. 

From my old mate Bernard cometh the Brazilian Chuchu.

 

 

 

 

 

Allegedly the ginger rodent, what’s his name, the alien reptile in disguise and U-Turn Cam 

  

Are thinking of doing yet another 180, this time over the plan to give tax breaks and "free" state-funded hours of childcare to millions of working families, the proposals were due to be announced as part of the Government's mid-term review and help off-set criticism of the decision to withdraw child benefit from taxpayers earning over £60,000 a year. At the same time Elizabeth Truss, the minister responsible for childcare, was due to announce new rules to allow nurseries to look after up to eight children for each member of staff. Currently the limit is four.

But the Treasury is understood to be concerned at the cost of the proposals – which could be worth around £2,000 a child – could lead to thousands of stay-at-home mums going back into the workplace.

This, officials fear, could create a funding black-hole at a time when budgets across all Government departments are under intense pressure.

At the same time the Liberal Democrats are worried that the plans to relax child/staff ratios could damage the standard of care provided. Nick Clegg has made it clear that he will refuse to sign off on any policy "which jeopardises standards."

So far the Coalition's ruling 'quad' of David Cameron, George Osborne, Nick Clegg and Danny Alexander has met twice in an attempt to iron out the differences between the Treasury and the Department of Education.

 

No change there then....

 

Yet another member of the Piss Poor Policies Millionaires Club Coalition

 

Has proven why we are so bollixed up in Blighty, discussing whether we should consider eating horse meat as a cheaper alternative to beef in times of austerity, shit for brains Grant Shapps thought he had come up with a neat explanation for why we do not: namely that we only eat herbivores.

Speaking on BBC One’s Question Time programme, he said this week’s revelations about the presence of horse DNA in some beef burgers had set him wondering “why we think some animals are socially acceptable to eat and others are not.”

The reason, he suggested, boiled down to a simple formula.

“I think the answer is we basically eat animals that don’t eat animals,” he said. “So we eat animals that eat grass and what have you.”

 

Ye fucking Gods.....

 

Some of the members of the square mile up in the Smoke 

 

Have been outdone by a ginger cat named Orlando which won the investment challenge in the The Observer portfolio challenge.

Each team invested a notional 5000 pounds ($7600) in five FTSE All-Share companies at the start of 2012, allowing them to exchange stocks every three months with others from the index.

Although Orlando was trailing in September, an unexpected turnaround in the last quarter saw the feline’s portfolio increasing by an average 4.2 per cent to end the year at 5542.60 pounds, compared with the professionals’ 5176.60 pounds.

While the professionals stuck to traditional methods, Orlando selected stocks by throwing a toy mouse on a grid of numbers allocated to various companies.

To celebrate Orlando's success, owner Jill Insley, bought him a red collar in the style of Urquhart-Stewart's red braces.

 

And the other tossers celebrated by going dahn the job centre.

 

Dahn Unda

Michael Cooper unearthed a 5.5kg Y shaped gold nugget with a metal detector near the town of Ballarat in Victoria.

 

I’m orf to send the butler to check out the garden-just in case

 

Up in the snowy Norf of Blighty 

A teacher could be struck off for running around naked in front of his stunned pupils.

David Bradley, 55, who was awarded an MBE for services to young people, streaked across a field in full view of students aged 12 and 13 during a school camping trip.

The Teaching Agency has found Bradley guilty of unacceptable professional conduct.

Panel chairman John Pemberton told him he had “failed to maintain the appropriate boundaries... between pupils and teachers”.

Bradley was in charge of 11 youngsters when he ran naked from the barn where the group were camping.

He told the hearing in Coventry: “The lads streaked for a joke and said ‘come on, sir, have a go’.

"At the time I realised it was inappropriate.”

 So why do it then you Plonker....

 

And finally: 

Somewhere in disguise

Photos: Eli Klein Fine Art

Liu Bolin, the man who took the international art world by ‘storm’, in 2009, with his incredible ability to merge with the environment, has returned with a new series that makes him even harder to spot.

Nicknamed the “Invisible Man”, Liu Bolin is a master of camouflage art who spends up to 10 hours blending into various backdrops, with the help of paint. He puts on a suit and waits patiently as his helpers cover him in paint matching the colours of the background, until he becomes almost impossible to spot. Passionate about his art, this human chameleon he tries to get every little detail, every crack and crevice just right for that one perfect snapshot. His latest exhibition, “Hiding in the City”, at New York’s Eli Klein Art Gallery.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Spiffing; now get a life….

 

That’s it: I’m orf to de-stress my cheese plant

 

And today’s thought:

Snow Joke 

Angus
 

Regulated fags: Old Farts heart checks: Pull up the drawbridge: Rhino Numpty: Echidna-hat-crap: and the Ex-Nazi’s number one.

Loads of lack of warm, layers of scrapey-scrapey stuff, light amounts of atmospheric movement and sod all solar stuff at the Castle this morn, just returned from the stale bread (£1.45) gruel and his Maj’s food run dahn Tesco and I took some carrots for the horses, waved them in front of the neddy burger coolers and nearly got trampled in the stampede.

And fucking Blogger still hasn’t sorted out the IE pic thingy...

 

All across dog end Blighty

 

Allegedly “academics” reckon that the Piss Poor Policies Millionaires Club Coalition could raise at least £500m a year by capping the amount of profit tobacco companies can make from cigarettes.

They are calling for state regulation similar to that used to limit the price of water.

Writing in the journal Tobacco Control, they say reducing profits would allow for higher taxes without changing the price in shops.

Dr Robert Branston, from the University of Bath, said the tobacco industry was "incredibly profitable", with some companies making 67p in profit out of every £1 received after tobacco duties. He described that as an "incredible sum".

Some industries in the UK are already regulated to prevent companies taking advantage of a lack of competition in the market place. The regulator Ofwat reviews the price water companies can set and Dr Branston wants a similar organisation "Ofsmoke" to limit the profits made by tobacco manufacturers.

The report calculated the effect of limiting profits to levels achieved by food and drinks manufactures in Europe - between 12% and 20%.

The Tobacco Manufacturers’ Association said the industry was already high taxed and paid more than £12bn to the Exchequer in 2011-12.

It said: "Some popular cigarette brands are already taxed at nearly 90%, yet this report chooses to ignore this fact and instead concentrate on the profit of a legitimate industry which supports over 70,000 UK jobs.

 

And look how well OfWat do, no wonder we are so deep in the faeces....

 

And allegedly

 

A new blood pressure measuring device which can also detect a dangerous heart condition has been backed by the NHS watchdog.

The National Institute for Health and Clinical Excellence says GPs could use it routinely to spot more patients with atrial fibrillation (AF).

AF is an erratic and often fast heartbeat affecting 800,000 people in the UK and is a major cause of stroke.

The device NICE is recommending in England is called WatchBP Home A.

It looks like a normal blood pressure monitor, with an inflatable cuff that goes around the patient's arm.

At the same time as measuring blood pressure, it can check a patient's pulse.

If people over 65 were to be checked with the WatchBP Home A device, it could save the NHS about £26m and benefit about 400,000 people, says NICE.

 

I’m so excited my heart is racing.....

According to “campaigners”

 

Around 250,000 migrants from Bulgaria and Romania could head to the UK for work when restrictions are lifted at the end of the year.

The Government has refused to issue an estimate of the number of foreign workers who are expected move to the UK from the two countries after getting the right to work in Britain. 

But an analysis of the numbers who flooded into the country from Poland and other Eastern European countries in 2004 showed around 50,000 migrants a year for the next five years could head to the UK, the campaign group Migration Watch UK said. 

The influx of foreign workers is expected to be lower than nine years ago as temporary restrictions on workers from Bulgaria and Romania have been in place and other European countries will be lifting their controls at the same time. 

But Britain remains one of the most attractive destinations for migrants, “partly because of its flexible labour market and partly because of the ease of access to its benefits system”, Migration Watch said. 

A previous estimate from Tory MP Philip Hollobone that the number of Romanians and Bulgarians in Britain could jump from 155,000 to 425,000 within two years also “seems exaggerated”, the group added.



Oh shit.....but if Pickles fucked orf abroad that would make room for ten thousand or so....

 

Right quite a way and dahn just as much 

 

A “suggestion” from a South African game park owner for Chantal Beyer to “stand closer” to the Rhino to get a better picture resulted in the inevitable

The Beeld newspaper said that just after the photo was snapped, the rhino attacked, and its horn penetrated Beyers' chest from behind, resulting in a collapsed lung and broken ribs

The Aloe Ridge Hotel and Nature Reserve, where the incident took place, declined to comment Tuesday.

 

Good job it wasn’t an elephant....

 

Dahn Unda 

25-year-old Munro Hardy happened upon an echidna wandering in a gold mine in Australia, he grabbed the rare egg-laying mammal to save it from being run over by machines.

Hardy pulled on a pair of leather gloves to pick up the echidna, which rolled into a ball to protect itself. So, he used a hard hat to move the spiky critter out of harm's way.

And what did the spiky monotreme did to thank the man? "The little bastard crapped in my hat and then crawled under the dash in the truck and into the wiring," Hardy said.

But Hardy persevered and got the animal out of his truck and into the scrubland away from the mine. Alison Bevege of Australia's NT News has the story of the crappy end to Hardy's spiky rescue, but alas, no mention of what he did with the souvenir the echidna left in his hat

 

No good deed goes unpunished....

And finally:

 

The Ex-Nazi El papa has a “star” in his entourage 

Archbishop Georg Ganswein, 56, who has been dubbed "Gorgeous George" by the Italian media has been the Pope's right hand man for more than six years and is always at his side is on the front page of Vanity Fair.

The softly spoken clergyman, who is also a pilot, likes to keep fit by playing tennis, is often pictured in glossy magazines because of his rugged good looks and some have even compared him to actor George Clooney.

He was pictured on the cover of the latest issue of Vanity Fair alongside the headline ''Being beautiful is not a sin'' adding that he was a ''particular'' clergyman, describing him as the ''George Clooney of the Vatican.''

Archbishop Ganswein's main role is to organise Pope Benedict's day to day diary and he was recently in the spotlight over the Vatileaks scandal when it emerged he had angered senior Catholic Church figures because of the media's interest in him.

However he has insisted his mind is fully on the job and recently said: ''Personally I see my role or service with the Pope as similar to that of glass.

"The cleaner it is then it will achieve its task. I need let the sunlight and the less you see of the glass then the better it is. If you don't see it at all that means I'm doing my job well.''

 

So how clean is an ex-Nazi’s glass then....

 

That’s it: I’m orf to text some money-to myself

 

And today’s thought:

What do you mean Blighty is a third world country....

 

 

Angus

CHunt is at it again: Up your infrastructure: Tesco are horsing around: Crap commuter: Blue Hole bay: Boeing-Boeing gone: Scarcely fit for her job: and Half a Milky Way.

Cold enough to freeze the nuts orf a frozen squirrel at the Castle this morn, more than touch of scrapey-scrapey stuff, not a glimmer of solar stuff and nary a whimsy of atmospheric movement, the butler has had to install a second conveyor belt for the furnace and fat, carbon neutral teenagers are becoming hard to come by because of the lack of warm.

I spent an hour or three yestermorn trying to sort out fucking Bloggers’ lack of progress on the IE/ blogger lack of picture insertion, downgraded IE from 9 to 8 ‘repaired’ IE, did a diagnostic on Office, threw some chicken bones on the altar, danced around the laptop anticlockwise all to no avail, so I will have to continue to waste what is left of my life using HMTL editing.

 

The ‘Elf Secretary Jeremy CHunt 

Has decided that Millions of confidential medical histories will be shared between hospitals and GPs despite fears that patients’ privacy could be breached.

Allegedly thousands of staff working in council social services departments, private health firms, and nursing homes are also expected to have access to the health records of patients on their books.

Apparently knob head CHunt is going to set a 12-month deadline for all hospitals to computerise their patients’ records, ready for details to be shared with clinics and GPs across England.

By 2018, all records and communications inside the NHS will be “paperless” in a reform that Mr CHunt said could save more than £4 billion and “thousands of lives”.  

Oh Har-Fucking-Har, “they” can’t even mange to deliver water to patients let alone get the right set of details on a piss poor computer system.

 

All across botched up Blighty

 

Consumers will have to pay for new plans for new roads, rail lines and power stations through higher bills, as well as the taxes, the public spending watchdog says.

A report from the National Audit Office said that ministers had not thought through the possibility that the huge investment would have to be paid for by consumers.

It said that “there is the possibility of a failure to take into account the cumulative impact on consumers of funding those infrastructure projects where the costs are recovered by charging users.

The NAO criticised the Government for failing to carry out an “overall assessment” on the “full impact of spending on economic infrastructure in the years ahead”.

Alien reptile in disguise George (I can afford it-you can’t) Osborne unveiled plans at the autumn statement last month to spend £310billion over the next two years and beyond on new infrastructure projects such as energy, rail, road, water and flood defence schemes.

Two thirds of this investment likely to be funded by private companies “the burden of funding [is] likely to shift towards the public as consumers rather than taxpayers”.

It warned that train users could have to cover the cost through higher fares, while vehicle and road tax could go up to pay for new roads. Of the £310billion, more than half - £176billion is being spent on energy projects, with £123billion due to go on electricity schemes.

Apparently the Treasury’s proposal to issue guarantees to encourage new finance will need careful monitoring to ensure the taxpayer does not get hit with extra expense.”

 

No shit; here’s an idea why don’t we live within our means and only build what we can afford to keep all this “infrastructure” in the public domain...

 

At my favourite retailer 

 

It seems that we should say “neigh” to their dobbin burgers, investigations are under way to try to find out how beef burgers on sale in UK and Irish Republic supermarkets became contaminated with horsemeat.

Irish food safety officials, who carried out tests two months ago, said the products had been stocked by a number of chains, including Tesco and Iceland stores in the UK.

They said there was no human health risk and the burgers had been removed.

Tesco said it was "working... to ensure it does not happen again".

The Food Safety Authority of Ireland (FSAI) said the meat had come from two processing plants in the Irish Republic - Liffey Meats and Silvercrest Foods - and the Dalepak Hambleton plant in Yorkshire.

The burgers had been on sale in Tesco and Iceland in the UK and the Republic of Ireland, where they were also on sale in Dunnes Stores, Lidl and Aldi.

A total of 27 burger products were analysed, with 10 of them containing traces of horse DNA and 23 containing pig DNA.

Horsemeat accounted for approximately 29% of the meat content in one sample from Tesco, which had two frozen beef burger products sold in both the UK and Ireland contaminated with horse DNA.

In addition, 31 beef meal products, including cottage pie, beef curry pie and lasagne, were analysed, of which 21 tested positive for pig DNA.

 

Now I know why I have had this urge to eat grass and piss in the garden...

 

Left to the Big Apple

 

A 31-year old Bronx man fell to his death while having a crap between subway cars on a moving number 6 train, cops said. 

The man fell onto the tracks and was run over by the northbound train as it was leaving 125th Street station shortly after 4 pm, police said. 

Around the same time on the opposite platform, a bloody and extremely battered man crawled up from the tracks — just as the northbound 5 train was pulling in — with a broken pelvis, severe buttocks injuries and cuts.

The man — who sources said was Manuce Dulcio, 50 — might have been hit by the train, cops said.

It’s unclear why he was on the tracks.

Dulcio was “very intoxicated,” a police source said.

Officials had initially said that the men had been involved in a fight. But they now believe the bizarre incidents were totally unrelated.

Riders were stuck on the 5 train for 45 minutes after the incident.

“They told us the brakes weren’t working, but we all knew it was something else,” said Angel Torres, 17.


Maybe the brakes weren’t working because they were covered in shit....

Dahn a fairway to the Bahamas 

 

Fancy a nice weekend getaway? Blue Hole Bay, a 180-acre Bahamanian property is up for sale listed for $24 million, apparently in this "remotest part of the Bahamas," as Bob Simon of "60 Minutes" described it in a segment Sunday night, "you'll have trouble finding it on any tourist map today."

He continued: "The jet set doesn't come here, because jet planes don't fly here from America or Europe. There are hardly any hotels, no golf courses and no frozen margaritas."

But what you do get is 663-foot-deep Dean's Blue Hole, the deepest saltwater hole in the world and therefore the world's "Mecca of free diving," to test out their ambitious, body-contorting breathing exercises: a diver on last night's show descended to a record-breaking 410 feet using only one fin.

 

And less than one brain cell……

 

East to the land where nothing ever happened to nuclear stuff

 

A Boeing 787 Dreamliner headed for Tokyo made an emergency landing Wednesday morning in Takamatsu, Japan after error messages indicated there was a problem with the plane's batteries and smoke in the plane.

An "unusual smell" was detected inside the cockpit and the passenger cabin, according to a news conference held by All Nippon Airlines, whose plane was grounded. Fire trucks were deployed after the plane landed, but there was no fire to put out.

This adds to a slew of recent problems with Boeing's new Dreamliner aircraft. Another 787 -- the world's first mainly carbon-composite airliner -- had two fuel leaks, a battery fire, a wiring problem, brake computer glitch and cracked cockpit window last week.

The two Japanese airlines -- ANA and Japan Airlines -- said they would ground the 21 Boeing 787 jets currently being flown for further safety checks.

Both Japan and the United States have opened broad and open-ended investigations into the plane after a series of incidents that have raised safety concerns.

ANA said instruments on the early Wednesday domestic flight indicated a battery error. All passengers and crew evacuated safely by using the plane's inflatable slides, ANA said.

 

Still at least the emergency chutes work....

 

Back to the home of lawyers and the land of compo 

Photo: Community Press, Heidi Fallon

A former high school teacher has sued the school district where she used to work, saying administrators discriminated against her because she has a fear of young children.

Maria Waltherr-Willard, 61, had been teaching Spanish and French at Mariemont High School in Cincinnati since 1976.

The retired educator, who does not have children of her own, said that when she was transferred to the district's middle school in 2009, the seventh and eighth-graders triggered her phobia.

The fear caused her blood pressure to soar, forcing her to retire in the middle of the 2010 school year, she claims.

In her lawsuit, Ms Waltherr-Willard said that her fear of young children falls under the federal American with Disabilities Act and that the district violated it by transferring her in the first place and then refusing to allow her to return to the high school.

The lawsuit seeks unspecified damages.

Gary Winters, the school district's attorney, said that Ms Waltherr-Willard was transferred because the French programme at the high school was being turned into an online one and that the middle school needed a Spanish teacher.

"She wants money," Mr Winters said of Ms Walter-Willard's motivation to sue. "Let's keep in mind that our goal here is to provide the best teachers for students and the best academic experience for students, which certainly wasn't accomplished by her walking out on them in the middle of the year."

 

You think?
 

 And finally: 

In a galaxy where we live 

A meeting of the American Astronomical Society was held in California to expose the unexpected results of the work to determine the mass of the Milky Way Galaxy. According to scientists, the mass of our galaxy is twice as less as was previously assumed.

Determining the weight of an entire galaxy is apparently quite difficult. It consists not only of the weight of all stars in the galaxy, but also of the weight of the invisible dark matter, which provides most of the mass.

As a rule, in the calculations, researchers proceed from the speed of rotation of galaxies at a distance of about 45,000 light years from the centre. Afterwards, they compare the results with theoretical concepts about the location of the dark matter.

The scientists, having made the public statement on the new weight of our galaxy, added that the new data did not claim to be definitive. The reason is simple. To date, all calculations are approximate, containing a number of assumptions.

 

Still, they do say that a milky way is light and fluffy...

 

That’s it: I’m orf to sweep the chimney-just in case

 

And today’s thought:

NHS computer system

 

 

Angus