O MY plics: May’s new sideboard: Bagpipe lung: Norwegian Numpty: Not so Safeway: M6 McClelland: and Have you seen her Pussy?

Much lack of cold, many molecules of moisture, not a jot of skywater and nary a puff of atmospheric movement at the Castle this Sunday morn.

The “lawn” looks like a giant weetabix-again and stuff is growing faster than I can vandalise it.

Apparently there was quite a big “sport” thing going on in the south of the south of the Americas, it was allegedly on BBC 1, 2, and 4 which sadly was not the best of coverage, poor old Angus watched a bit of it which consisted of 5 minutes of “sport--golf is a past time not a sport” and twenty minutes of old has-beens spouting on and criticising. Not impressed by Auntie at all, but I did manage to catch half an hour or so in total of the “ladies” beach volleyball by channel switching.

Back in Blighty our new Prime Monster Theresa Might

Has purchased herself a new sideboard, which consists mostly of “people” I haven’t heard of-apart from Boris, which is no surprise because as soon as she took over the country she buggered orf on holiday leaving us to stew.

May still hasn’t got orf her arse to start sorting out the Brexit thingy and the nuclear balls up dahn in Somerset where apparently the French have said that the Chinese won’t be a security risk as the controls to the glowing generator will be “isolated” and not connected to the interweb do-dah.



Yeah right, just tell them to sod orf May and build some windmills instead.

According to that unbiased corporation the BEEB

Trumpeters, saxophonists and pipers could be in mortal danger- playing a wind instrument could damage your lungs, UK doctors warn in the journal Thorax.

They describe a rare but fatal case of what they are now calling "bagpipe lung" in a 61-year-old patient.

The deceased man is thought to have developed a bad reaction to mould and fungi lurking inside the moist interior of his bagpipes.

Doctors are urging other musicians to be extra hygienic.

They say instruments should be cleaned regularly to prevent the build-up of yeast and other harmful pathogens.


And any player who gets breathless and develops a cough should consider whether their symptoms might be caused by their music practice.

The lung damage the doctors describe happens when the body's immune system goes into overdrive.

The inhaled pathogens trigger inflammation and left unchecked, this causes progressive and irreversible scarring.


Andrew Bova works at the National Piping Centre in Glasgow and is an accomplished bagpiper.

He advised: "Certainly, when it comes to cleaning a woodwind instrument I would say give it a swab after every time you play.

"The moisture can sit in the nooks and crannies and you don't want that. Moisture can damage the wood so we swab to protect the instrument as much as anything."

He uses brushes to clean his and says he gives the blowpipe a thorough rinse out with hot water every six months to get rid of any problems.

"If you have a sheepskin bag, I was told that I should wash it out with hot water and bleach every year. That should get all the germs killed and prolong the life of your instrument.



Or they could just stop playing the bloody noisy things-any Scottish complaints should be sent to Nicola what’s her name Norf of the border, pissing with rain, postcode-who cares....

Right a bit to the land of fjords and stuff

A man in Norway has had to be rescued after getting stuck inside a toilet.

Cato Berntsen Larsen had eagerly climbed feet-first into the public loo in Drammen, near Oslo, after volunteering to retrieve a friend’s phone.

However, the 20-year-old couldn’t get back out again.

The toilet tank isn’t connected to the sewer system, but is an old-fashioned outhouse-style loo that is only emptied once a season.

‘It was damn disgusting,’ he told Norwegian paper VG. ‘The worst I have experienced. There were animals down there too.’

And to make things even worse, Cato added to the pool of waste by vomiting almost immediately after getting into the tank.

He ended up having to spend around an hour standing thigh-deep in urine, faeces, and his own sick.

It all started when his friend dropped his phone down the toilet while urinating, and shouted for Cato’s help getting it back.

Cato, an amateur diver, said he ‘did not think twice’ about going in to get it.

Bet he does now....twat......isn’t Cato something to do with the Pink panther?

Left a lot to the land of the free and the home of the brave

Employees of an Oregon grocery store are cleaning up after a police say a woman drove her SUV into the store and down the aisles.

Springfield police say a 43-year-old Glenwood woman tried to purchase $2,200 of gift cards and became upset when her cheque bounced and Safeway employees would not complete the transaction.

The Register-Guard reports that she angrily left the store Tuesday afternoon and returned just after midnight Wednesday morning. Police say she parked in front of the store and was yelling about wanting her gift cards.

Police say the woman then drove the SUV through the store entrance, up and down an aisle, and out the other side of the Safeway.

Police arrested her at her home.



Didn’t have a quarter for the trolley then........

And talking of roads

A woman has admitted a "catastrophic driving error" which saw her drive the wrong way along the M6 in Cumbria in the dark.

Stunned oncoming drivers took desperate steps to avoid Samantha McClelland as she drove south near Kendal in October 2012, Carlisle Crown Court was told.

Several panicked 999 calls were made before the 43-year-old was found parked up on the hard shoulder.

She was given a suspended jail term and banned from driving for 18 months.

McClelland, of Londonderry, Northern Ireland, had earlier admitted a charge of dangerous driving.

The court heart that when she was spoken to by police she had "no idea where she was and seemed surprised to be told she was on a motorway".

Recorder Michael Murray handed her a one-month prison sentence, suspended for a year, and banned her from the road for 18 months.


That'll teach her....

Back in the land of thingy

Highway experts say a cat chase on a busy Houston-area toll way should serve as a warning about what not to do when animals get loose in traffic.

Tuesday's surveillance video from the Harris County Tollway Authority shows an unidentified woman trying to trap a cat on a road full of cars and trucks. She appears unaware of the danger around her and the darting cat.

A toll road crew eventually arrived and helped the woman capture the kitty after traffic was stopped or slowed for about 10 minutes.

Looking at her headlights I’m not surprised her pussy is on the freeway...




That’s it: I’m orf to chase some surface water



And today’s thought: "Don't worry about the world coming to an end today. It is already tomorrow in Australia."
~ Charles Schulz ~




Angus.`

Transgender NHS: Into Syria: The Uni-Cub Personal Mobility Device: Knife edged eagle: Hello Kitty: and the RP FLIP.

Dull, dingy but not damp at the Castle this morn, been having a clear out; oodles of stuff to take to the “recycling” centre, I don’t where it all comes from, I reckon someone is breaking in and leaving it....

 

Apparently our dear old NHS has gorn all equal and diverse

The NHS has funded a "human rights week" with dozens of events including a photographic exhibition to celebrate transgender staff.

Hundreds of managers and front line workers are due to attend conferences and workshops on equality and diversity this week.

The events include two all-day conferences involving at least 170 health care managers.

At least 170 NHS managers working in human resources and leading programmes in equality and diversity are due to attend full-day conferences in London and Manchester. The fee of £199 per place – more than £30,000 in total – is expected to be paid by the NHS trusts which employ them.

In addition, NHS Rotherham will host a week-long exhibition of "inspiring images" which promises to "celebrate the lives of transgender staff and patients".

And NHS North West is promoting an "awareness raising timeline" to commemorate homosexual and transgender doctors and nurses.

That’ll improve patient care.....

And despite the lack of Khaki clad personnel

U-Turn cam is thinking about deploying British military personnel to Syria to “pressure on the Assad regime over human rights abuses”

According to shit for brains Dave “Britain is prepared to contribute officers to an enlarged international monitoring mission in Syria”

UK assistance to Assad’s opponents includes providing communications equipment which the Government says will allow human rights workers to document and communicate abuses taking place in Syria.

 

Protecting the human rights of oil....that’s a new one....

East to the land where my motor comes from

The Honda Uni-Cub is a battery-powered, two-wheeled mobility device that is able to ferry people at a top speed of 6 kilometres per hour.

Using gyroscopic balance control technology and an Omni-directional driving wheel system – similar to that of a Segway? Riders can control speed, turn, stop and move in any direction by the nimble shift of a bum cheek.

Powered by a Lithium-ion battery, the machine can manage a distance of 6km before needing a recharge.

And a just 74cm high, perching passengers will nearly be at eye-level for those who can’t be arsed to walk.

 

Oh joy....

West to the place that still has Golden Eagles

This one stole a knife from a nature photographer, and nearly made off with its newfound weapon.

Dutch photographer Han Bouwmeester was in Västerbotten, Sweden, hoping to grab some unique photos of the local birds of prey, and cut up some meat to attract the predators.

And he got his wish, a golden eagle swooped down and picked up the knife Bouwmeester and his colleagues had just used and flew orf with it.

 All it needs now is a fork and spoon to complete the set....

Somewhere over the smog layer

EVA Air airline has designed two of its planes with a Hello Kitty motif. And it will soon add another plane to its Hello Kitty fleet.

Those who take the Hello Kitty-themed airplanes will be “delighted” to see that everything inside the plane has Hello Kitty on it, from the flight attendants’ uniforms to the food they serve. Even the tickets and boarding passes are printed with Hello Kitty designs.

The partnership between EVA and Sanrio started in 2005, when EVA Air acquired the license from Sanrio to use Hello Kitty in its planes.

 

Not quite the pussy I had in mind...

And finally:

West to the home of flipping and the land of the buoy

The U.S. Office of Naval Research owns a very strange piece of oceanographic equipment. It’s called the Floating Instrument Platform (FLIP), conceived and developed by the Marine Physical Laboratory (MPL) at the Scripps Institution of Oceanography, University of California. FLIP isn't a ship, even though researchers live and work on it for weeks at a time while they conduct scientific studies in the open ocean. It is actually a huge specialized buoy. The most unusual thing about this ship is it really flips.

FLIP is 355 feet (108 meters) long with small quarters at the front with a long hollow ballast do da at the end. When the tanks are filled with air, FLIP floats in its horizontal position. But when they are filled with seawater the lower 300 feet of FLIP sinks under the water and the lighter end rises. When flipped, most of the buoyancy for the platform is provided by water at depths below the influence of surface waves; hence FLIP is a stable platform mostly immune to wave action. At the end of a mission, compressed air is pumped into the ballast tanks in the flooded section and the vessel returns to its horizontal position so it can be towed to a new location.

During the flip, everyone stands on the outside decks. As FLIP flips, the decks slowly become bulkheads and the bulkhead becomes the deck. Most rooms on FLIP have two doors; one to use when horizontal, the other when FLIP is vertical. Some of FLIP's furnishings are built so they can rotate to a new position as FLIP flips. Other equipment must be unbolted and moved. Some things, like tables in the galley (kitchen) and sinks in the washroom, are built twice so one is always in the correct position. The entire flip operation takes twenty-eight minutes. When FLIP stands vertically, it rises more than five stories into the air. 

Flipping amazing...

That’s it: I’m orf to have butchers at Centaurus

And today’s thought:

U.S bob a job

Angus

Don’t panic!-go juice abounds: Horsing around with Her Maj: Wotta Leica money: Having a MONA Dahn Unda (and dahn a bit more): 250 year old sarnie: and Pussy with your lunch.

Cold, cloudy and much movement of air at the Castle this morn, bit tardy this Monday-woke up late, just got back from the stale bread, gruel and his Maj’s food run dahn Tesco, the Castle grounds are up to scratch and I am knackered-ain’t gardening fun......

Panic not, the go juice deliverers have decided not to go on strike (just)

Unite said its members working for seven distribution firms backed the deal by 51% overall, although drivers in four of the companies voted to reject.

Unite assistant general secretary Diana Holland said: "This narrow vote in favour lifts the threat of strike action, but leaves the companies with no room for complacency. We look forward to the rapid implementation of the Acas proposals which include an industry-wide 'passport'.

"The progress made through negotiation is testament to the brave stance members have taken in the face of growing insecurity and attacks on their profession.  

Along with the other 20 odd million workers who don’t earn fifty grand a year and sit on their arses most of the day....

Up a bit from the Castle to another Castle

Apparently 550 horses and 1,000 dancers and musicians from around the world have performed over four nights for her Maj, a well-known horse lover.

Among the stars at the event, staged inside the private grounds of Windsor Castle, were actress Helen Mirren, singer Susan Boyle and Australian entertainer Rolf Harris.

Celebrating more than 250 Commonwealth and state visits the Queen has made during her reign, the show travelled across the globe, with performances from a Maori troupe from New Zealand to Middle Eastern stunt riders.

The Queen was accompanied by Prince Philip and other members of the royal family including the Duke of York, Princess Beatrice, Prince and Princess Michael of Kent, Princess Alexandra and the Duchess of Cornwall.

Wonder how the latter did in the show jumping? And who her rider was....

Right a smidge to the land which didn’t invade the rest of Europe

A prototype Leica camera has sold for 2.16m Euros (£1.74m), setting a new world record.

It was one of just 25 models created in 1923 as a prototype for the groundbreaking Leica A, which was the first commercially successful compact camera to use 35mm film.

Branded the "null-serie", or 0-Series, only 12 are known to have survived.

The camera was bought by an anonymous bidder at the Galerie Westlicht in Vienna, Austria.

Saturday's bidding started at 300,000 Euros, with an estimate of 600,000 Euros.

But by the time the hammer fell, the bids had escalated to 1.8m Euros. The remainder of the sale price included taxes and fees.

 Wonder how much my old dad’s brownie is worth?

Dahn Unda and Dahn a bit more

Lurks the Museum of Old and New Art (MONA) is located in Tasmania and features around 400 works of art from Egyptian mummies to Young British Artists including Chris Ofili and Jenny Saville.

But allegedly the most talked-about piece is the Cloaca Professional, labelled the "poo-machine." It was built by Belgian artist Wim Delvoye to mimic the actions of the human digestive system.

A series of glass receptacles hang in a row with the machine being "fed" twice a day on one end. The food is ground up "naturally," the way it is in the human body, and the device produces faeces on the clock at 2 pm at the other end.

The smell is so powerful that not many visitors can take it.

The Cloaca is part of a series of at least five similar machines built by the artist, another of which will soon be exhibited at the Louvre. It is the most hated piece in the museum but also the most visited.

The museum, which opened in January 2011, is owned by eccentric and philanthropist David Walsh, who made his fortune as a professional gambler, and features one of the largest private art collections in the world with an estimated value of around a$100 million.

Another much-talked-about piece is the Matrix by Jenny Saville, a full-frontal large painting of a naked transgender man with his modified genitals exposed.

The museum charges A$20 ($20) for entry and has drawn around 389,000 visitors in its first year ($1 = 0.9887 Australian dollars).

 

Sounds like a fun place.....not....

Back in curly edged Blighty

Right a bit from ‘Ampshire the town of Sandwich is staging a re-enactment of the moment when the town's earl was said to have invented the sandwich, to mark the 250th anniversary of the bread-based meal.

Dressed in 18th-century costume, actors today will recreate the night when John Montagu, the fourth Earl of Sandwich - a keen card-player - "called for a slice of beef between two toasted pieces of bread so that he could carry on gaming uninterrupted", says a website for the event.

Legend states that others began asking for "the same as Sandwich" and thus named what was to become a classic foodstuff.

The south-eastern English port town is also holding a sandwich-making competition and concerts of the bawdy and lively tunes favoured by the earl, who also had a penchant for dressing in Turkish robes.

The current earl will host a huge sandwich lunch in tribute to "the fourth earl of Sandwich who, 250 years ago, had his masterly inspiration in creating the universal fast food the world knows and loves", a poster says. 

And luckily you can still get an original 1762 sanger on the chuff chuffs...

And finally:

Right a bit to the place where Waltz’s are the thing (again)

Austria's first cat cafe, where customers can have drinks while playing with cats, opens in Vienna.

The Cafe Neko ("Neko" meaning "cat" in Japanese) opened earlier this month in the city centre.

Customers can stroke and interact with the cafe's five feline hosts, named Sonja, Thomas, Moritz, Luca and Momo, who all came from an animal shelter and now freely roam about the cafe and take naps.

The cafe was opened by Vienna resident Takako Ishimitsu, a 47-year-old woman originally from Nagoya, Japan, who moved to Vienna some 20 years ago. She had to spend three years negotiating with city officials over hygiene issues for the cafe to be allowed to open.

Ishimitsu said she decided to open a cat cafe in order to introduce some aspects of Japanese culture to Vienna.  

Nice, I do like a bit of pussy while I am eating...

  

That’s it: I’m orf to refill my prescription-just in case

And today’s thought:

Just sold my old camera.

Angus

Top Gear in reverse: More for the EU: Graduating to free work: Big Pussy up North: Stainless virgin: Finger painting: and a stuffed Monkey.

Cold, damp and a smidge dismal at the Castle this morn, things are springing up in the garden that shouldn’t be there until...well spring, and I have purchased a couple of vandalism tools-an axe and a three foot bow saw which will come in very useful when I do a bit of “pruning”. 

The new android phone is not bad, gets the internet OK, works well on hands free, has loads of “apps”-you tube, Google etc, and even makes phone calls...

And Blogger is behaving itself today.

Top Gear is in the wars again

This time the “presenters” have managed to piss orf the whole of India.

During the 90 minute programme, Numpty Clarkson, one of the BBC’s highest paid stars, was filmed speaking to locals while operating a trouser press in his boxer shorts and with a Jaguar with a lavatory fixed to the boot.

The programme makers also put banners on trains reading: “British IT is good for your company”. Another said: “Eat English muffins”. The messages became obscene when the carriages parted, ripping the signs-“shIT is good for your company, and “eat English muff”.

21 July 2011

Letter from Chris Hale, producer, Top Gear to Indian High Commission, London

“Jeremy Clarkson, Richard Hammond and James May will travel across India in three cars filming a light hearted road trip focusing on the journey and the inevitable idiosynacies of the cars they will drive, as well as the country and scenary we see along the way.

“There will be spontaneous interaction between the presenters and their environment, and potentially people they meet along the way. This will be in an incidental manner, not interviews.

“Key ingredients of what we film will be beautiful scenery, busy city scenes, local charm and colour within these locations, areas to illustrate the local car culture that exists in India.”

6 January 2012

Letter from Indian High Commission, London to Chris Hale, producer, Top Gear

cc Mark Thompson, director general, BBC

“The programme was replete with cheap jibes, tasteless humour and lacked cultural sensitivity. This is not clearly what we expect of the BBC. I write this to convey our deep disappointment over the documentary for its content and the tone of the presentation.

“You are clearly in breach of the agreement that you had entered into, completely negating our constructive and proactive facilitation. We strongly protest and expect the BBC to make amends, especially to assuage the hurt sentiments of a large number of people.”

No sense of humour these sub-continentals...

And:

Son of a B....aronet (and alien reptile in disguise) George (my dad’s richer than your dad) Osborne reckons that Britain may need to pour billions of pounds into the International Monetary Fund to give it the resources to deal with more financial crises.

The “chancellor” told MPs, in an appearance before the Treasury select committee, that Britain would be willing to make a contribution if there was a "well-argued case put forward". But he stressed that any extra funds must be used for general purposes, and not to bail out troubled eurozone countries directly – and reminded MPs that he might have to go parliament for approval for any sizable contribution.

"If it is a good case then ourselves and other countries like Japan, like Australia, will look at that, I am sure, favourably,"

Go and get a proper job Osborne.

 

Up in Brummy land

Cait Reilly, who has been looking for work since leaving Birmingham University, was volunteering at a museum until she was ordered to take a work placement at a Poundland store in the city.

The geology graduate spent two weeks stacking shelves and sweeping floors after being told she could lose her benefits if she did not accept the ‘mandatory’ post. She is now asking the High Court to quash regulations that her lawyers claim were created by the government ‘without parliamentary authority’ and ‘forces people into futile, unpaid labour for weeks or months at a time’.

 

The 22-year-old, who was not offered an interview following her placement, told her Jobcentre Plus adviser of her previous retail experience and that she did not want to give up volunteering at the Birmingham Museum and Art Gallery.

 

The Department for Work and Pensions said: ‘Our priority is to help people off benefits and into work. It is simply absurd to suggest that we should not be providing this support and effectively leaving people at home doing nothing.’

 

Poundland was unavailable for comment last night but said earlier: ‘Our partnership with JobCentre Plus is a positive step to get people back into work.’

Yeah right; especiallyif they don't have to pay them...

Up North-ish 

Dog walkers discovered the mutilated carcass of a roe deer on National Trust land near Stroud last week.

The injuries to the neck of the deer and the way the carcass had been consumed are believed to be highly indicative of big cat activity.

Experts have taken DNA samples from the remains of the deer to see whether a big cat, such as a puma or panther, could have killed it.

Local big cat expert Rick Minter, who has visited the site of the discovery at Woodchester Park, said: "It is very helpful to have this forensic study of the deer carcass.

According to Mr Minter "In the event of a close-up encounter, you should stay calm and face towards the animal as you back off, but not threaten or aggravate it.

"The chances are it will have backed off very quickly first."

I do like an optimist....

Over to the warm bit at the bottom of the new world

Some people say they've seen the likeness of the Virgin Mary in a stainless steel wall at a Tampa restaurant coincidentally named Hamburger Mary's,

Streaks on the shiny wall near the kitchen bore an uncanny resemblance to the Madonna, according to two women eating lunch in a nearby booth, The Tampa Tribune says.

The holy vision was so powerful that one woman wept, according to a manager who talked to The Tribune. Both ladies took pictures to savour the moment.

It hasn't exactly become a pilgrimage site like Lourdes, but word has spread in recent days and customers have been eager to see the wall, according to The Tribune.

Some might be surprised that the so-called Mother of God appeared at a diner known for gay karaoke nights and drag-queen shows, but hey, the Lord works in mysterious ways.

No shit.....

Dahn a fair bit

A street artist, who creates amazing landscape pictures in just three minutes despite using nothing but his fingers, has become an online hit.

Fabian Gaete Maureira, from Chile, paints 'fingerscape' images containing mountains, waterfalls, trees and sunsets without picking up a paint brush.

Instead he simply dips his fingers in paint and then applies it directly to sheets of glass rather than canvas.

 Handy.....

 And finally: 

Up a lot

Preston James Phipps was detained by a police officer after he hit the cop with a stuffed monkey.

Police officer Andrew Pirtle was struck by the stuffed animal toy after trying to arrest 24-year-old Mr Phipps, a resident of Des Moines in Iowa, who was seen by Pirtle after robbing a corner store.  

Officer Pirtle had reported seeing Mr Phipps walking out of the store carrying two stuffed animals, but thought nothing of it. It wasn't until he was later informed about a robbery involving the toys that he reacted.

Pirtle approached Mr Phipps questioning him about his recent whereabouts on the Saturday night when the incident took place. It was at this point when the 24-year-old became aggressive towards the officer giving him a right hook... with the stuffed monkey he was holding.

Police reports revealed that Mr Phipps had entered the Git-N-Go convenience store robbing it of not only the two fluffy toys, but also a pair of sunglasses and double packs of smokeless tobacco.

He was charged with fifth-degree theft, disorderly conduct and assault on a police officer.

The monkey was unharmed....

That’s it: I’m orf to wind up the Doomsday clock.

And today’s thought:

Angus

Not even a plan A (part Deux): Oftwat: Dopey’s missus aims at Brighton: Frosty parade: Septic loo paper: Yeti isn’t: and a Folding pussy.

Cold and clammy with vast amounts of high velocity atmospheric movement at the castle this morn, the study has a couple of Macs awaiting a blow through and his Maj has discovered how to open doors by hanging on the handles.

I see that son of a B...aronet (and alien reptile in disguise) George (I failed my O level maths) Osborne is thinking about using £10 billion of our money to underwrite loans to small businesses.

Under the "credit easing" scheme, aimed at boosting growth, the government would underwrite banks' borrowing so they could borrow more cheaply.

I may not be very bright but isn’t “growth” so piss poor because the electorate doesn’t have any money to spend, thus we are buying less which leads to manufacturing decreases, which leads to more unemployment which leads to even more of us having less money to spend, which leads to....

Solution: we need more money-reduce VAT and go juice tax, ban above inflation rises by “energy” suppliers and transport movers then we could begin to spend again and maybe despite the Piss Poor policies Millionaires Club Coalition’s efforts to totally balls up Blighty the economy might begin to recover.

But then again, I may not be very bright.

 And talking of rip orf “providers”

Household water bills will rise by up to 10 per cent next spring, heaping further misery on consumers and adding as much as £60 to annual bills.

The price rises will further dent families’ disposable incomes, which are already depleted by rising petrol, heating and food prices.

Household water and sewage prices are fixed every April by the UK’s 22 water companies. The utility firms base their prices each spring on the previous November’s RPI inflation figure, meaning that next year’s bills will increase by the current rate of inflation, which is running at a near-record high of over 5 per cent. This alone will add £20 to the average household water bill of £356.

However on top of the inflation-based increase, industry regulator Oftwat allows water companies to raise prices by an additional amount each year.

These above-inflation allowances, which are pre-arranged by Oftwat every five years, will push many bills up significantly further.

For example Thames Water, which provides water to 9 million people in London and the Thames Valley, is allowed by the regulator to raise next year’s prices by 4.6 per cent above inflation. This means that a typical water and sewage bill in London could rise by £30 to £350 in total.

Of the UK’s 22 water companies, just six have been set targets by Oftwat to reduce their prices after inflation next year.

 Point made.... 

Meanwhile: 

House of Commons speaker Bercow’s bride

Wants to be an MP; Dopey’s better half marked her birthday last week by declaring she is ready to throw her "hat into the ring" to become a Labour MP. But, after confiding she didn't fancy all the "slogging around" looking for a seat, she has hopes of winning back a marginal for Labour.

Apparently "Brighton could be one, because I don't think they are into identikit politicians," she told The Argus newspaper in the city. "I know Brighton very well. I was brought up in West Sussex, and I love Brighton to bits."

Nice to see that bed sheet Sally is fully committed....

More than a smidge over to the left

A man in a "Frosty the Snowman" costume was arrested Saturday during the annual Christmas parade in Chestertown, on Maryland’s Eastern Shore. He’s accused of scuffling with police and kicking at a police dog.

Sgt. John A. Dolgos tells The Star Democrat of Easton that 52-year-old Kevin Michael Walsh became agitated when a dog-handling officer tried to escort him away from the crowd.

Bit of a frosty reception then...

And further down the Americas

Federal prosecutors in Florida say at least three people working for a septic tank company duped customers into buying about $1 million in unnecessary products -- in some cases enough toilet paper to last more than 70 years.

More than a dozen customers were told they needed special toilet paper to avoid ruining their septic tanks because the federal government changed regulations on toilet paper. The federal government does not regulate septic tank products.

The trio pleaded guilty in federal court to conspiring to commit wire fraud.

The Miami Herald reported that they worked for FBK Products. A phone number for the Riviera Beach-based company was not working Saturday.

The trio faces up to two decades in prison when they are sentenced in February.

Hope the toilet paper in jail is soft.....

Right a lot to the other side of the non-existent iron curtain

Last month a group of international scientists made headlines last month after suggesting they were "95 percent" certain they'd found evidence that the elusive Yeti -- or fabled Siberian Snowman -- really exists.

But one scientist who was part of the big snowman hunt tells The Huffington Post that local Siberian officials staged the entire snowman scenario -- all for publicity.

 Oh Yeti is....

And finally:

Back over to the land of the pet and the home of the vet

A rare breed of feline descended from a Perthshire barn cat has become the hottest new pet in Hollywood.

The Scottish Fold – distinctive because its folded down ears give it an appealing “owl-like” appearance – has become one of the most desired cat breeds in America, with celebrities including Kirsten Dunst, Mia Farrow and country music megastar Taylor Swift – who tweeted pictures of her new Scottish Fold kitten last week – shelling out thousands of dollars to get hold of one.

The exotic breed is descended from a white barn cat that lived on a farm near Coupar Angus in 1961, when its unusual folded-ear appearance, believed to be the result of a spontaneous genetic mutation, caught the eye of local shepherd William Ross. He asked for a kitten from the litter for breeding purposes and every Scottish Fold is believed to be descended from that one animal.

Scottish Folds cannot be bred with each other without causing severe genetic mutation, meaning it is common for a litter to contain only one cat with the true folded ear appearance. As a result they regularly change hands for up to £1,000. Prospective owners are often placed on waiting lists or even entered into lotteries for available kittens.

Nowt to do with me.....bless....

That’s it: I’m orf to check for fakes.

And today’s thought: 

Angus

Flash dump choo choo: Glowing in the dark: Heads you win: Alice Springs scrapyard: M&S Tripoli: and a Pussy up a tree.

Coldish, cloudy and breezy at the Castle this morn, bit late today because for some strange reason after I gave my mac address to Orange my internet connection from Talk Talk has suddenly become unreliable and cuts orf when it wants to-odd that…. 

So a bit of a truncated post-just in case. 

If you live in the Southern Railway area it might be a good day

Thousands of train tickets will go on sale today for 50p each way, in the latest and biggest "flash sale" in the travel industry. The operator of Brighton-to-London trains, Southern Railway, which links London with Surrey, Sussex and Hampshire, is cutting all its advance fares by 90 per cent in a one-day online sale. 

Unless you use Talk Talk for your connection… 

Up in Kings Cliffe

Plans for low-level radioactive waste disposal to be allowed at a landfill site in Northamptonshire have been given the go-ahead by the government.

The decision for Kings Cliffe near Peterborough follows a two-year stand-off between the hazardous waste company Augean and campaigners.

Some 98% of people who voted in local referendums opposed the plans.

 So much for the Piss Poor Policies millionaires club “localism” thingy.

If you go across the sea to Ireland

A severed head alleged to belong to the patron saint of genital diseases will hit the auction block on Sunday.

Saint Vitalis of Assisi died 640 years ago, but the Italian Benedictine monk's encased head can now be yours.

Auctioneer Damien Matthews of Matthews Auction Rooms estimates the ancient skull could fetch up to $1,650.

The 14th-century Saint reportedly performed miracles for sufferers of bladder and genital diseases.

As a youngster, Vitalis was sexually promiscuous and immoral, so to relinquish his sins he went on pilgrimages in Italy and Europe. He then became a Benedictine monk and chose to live as a poverty-stricken hermit. His only possession was an old container to get water.

Matthews couldn't confirm it's actually the head of Saint Vitalis.

No…really? Sounds like a poxy lot to me……

Dahn Unda

The world's second aircraft storage facility will be set up on a site adjacent to the terminal at Alice Springs Airport.

The only other such site for ageing aircraft is a 1,000 hectare facility in Tucson, Arizona, known as The Boneyard.

Airport general manager Katie Cooper says a key for the selection of Alice Springs was the capacity to expand on the 110 hectare site set aside for the development.

Ms Cooper says Alice Springs not only has the perfect climate for the storage and preservation of aircraft but also a runway capable of catering for planes as big as an A-380.

"We have the ability to take that aircraft here," she said.

"We can have the ability to service all sorts of fleets, be it the smaller aircraft that the recreational or general aviation people use, right up to the very large commercial aircraft that are operated to do the long-haul sectors.

"There is a lot of scope for us to provide some great service."

 And a lot of pollution as well….

M&S soldiers on in Tripoli

The UK embassy is shut, the ambassador's residence has been destroyed, but the British stalwart of the high street is still open.

There is no logo in sight, just a white building with steps up.

A pair of chinos will set you back the equivalent of about £100 in Tripoli. They cost much less in the UK. 

No wonder their profits are so high….

And finally:

Back in Blighty

A cat has finally been rescued after surviving 12 days stuck up a 100-foot tree.

Bess, found herself out on a limb after being sent scrambling up the huge tree by a family of foxes.

Owner Gwen Russell-Jones began fearing the worst after she hadn't been seen for over a week.

But she refused to give up and continued her frantic hunt for the mischievous moggy.

Last Friday she spotted the hapless animal who she has looked after for two years since taking her in as a stray, perched dangerously high in the tree.

Without food and water for almost two weeks and having to battle strong winds and sweeping rain, Mrs Russell-Jones said she was relieved the horror ordeal would soon be over for Bess.

Tree surgeons Andrew Parrott and Craig Archer heard about Bess's dangerous plight and immediately raced to her rescue before she had to spend another night in the tree.

The pair, who work for Heart of England Tree Services, used their specialist equipment to scale the tree before abseiling to where Beth was perched.

A tin of cat food put her at ease then she was carefully put in a bag and lowered down.

 Bless Bess. Four lives left?

 That’s it: I’m orf to test my pussy on physics.

And today’s thought: "My friends, no matter how rough the road may be, we can and we will never, never surrender to what is right." - Dan Quayle

Angus