Osborne -“up yours”: Fire breathing bridge: Gull wing Numpty: Hade’s hole: and a very, very big De Daw.

Many many minus numbers on the liquid metal gauge, layers of scrapey scrapey stuff, not even a whimsy of atmospheric movement and just a hint of dawn’s crack at the Castle this morn.

 

Son of a B....aronet and alien reptile in disguise

George (I’m not in it at all so fuck you) Osborne allegedly did not realise a car he was travelling in was parked in a disabled bay at a motorway service station-according to Aunty.

The Daily Mirror published a photograph of the chancellor getting into a Land Rover parked in the marked bay at Magor services on the M4 near Newport.

But a Treasury source said Mr Osborne had been dropped off to buy lunch.

The unmarked police Land Rover was not driven by the chancellor at any point, added the source.

The incident is understood to have taken place on Wednesday as the chancellor returned from a speaking engagement at a nursery in Cardiff.

The Treasury source told the BBC the chancellor had got into the car and left the scene without realising that it had been parked in the bay.

 

Knob head.....

 

East to the land of Vietnamese

Opened on March 29, the 38th anniversary of the liberation of Da Nang City, the 666 meter long, 37.5 meter wide bridge has six lanes for traffic and two pedestrian sidewalks. The steel arch bridge weighs up to 1,000 tons, making it the biggest in the whole world.

But that’s not all. The Dragon Bridge is outfitted with a modern lighting system that includes 15,000 Philips LED lights that make it brilliantly change colours. In addition, the dragon is capable of releasing bursts of fire or sprays of water from its mouth.
 

Rubbery, or should that be jubbery…..

 

Back over to the ruling country of what is left of Europe

A hapless mechanic is facing a £500,000 bill after pranging a customer's prized classic Mercedes sports car on an unofficial test drive.

The rare 1954 300SL sports car - with its distinctive gull wing doors - had been left at the garage in Pleidelsheim, Germany, for a routine service.

But mechanic Gilsroy Mansen, 26, couldn't resist taking it for a spin and lost control of the 220 bhp vehicle on a bend, say police.

Witnesses say the collector's car - capable of 161 mph - rolled over several times when Mansen skidded trying to overtake another car at high speed.

"To everyone's astonishment, not least the driver's, he walked away without a scratch, which is a testament to how well these old cars were built.

"The driver was more worried about what he was going to say to the owner than he was about himself," said one police crash investigator.

"But sadly the car is in a very sorry state, pretty much destroyed.

"Any ordinary vehicle would be a write off but because this is so rare this mechanic can expect a very large repair bill," they added.

 

Hope the Numpty has insurance.....

 

East to the land where Turkeys don’t come from

Allegedly archaeologists have unearthed the remnants of an ancient mythological cave, ominously described as being the ‘gate to hell.'

The team behind the dig located the portal recently in the ancient Phrygian city of Hierapolis –referred to as the entryway to Hell by Cicero and Greek geographer Strabo.

As the Greek philosopher explained in his writing, the entrance of the cave spews noxious vapours that kill anything in their path.

"Any animal that passes inside meets instant death," he wrote.

"I threw in sparrows and they immediately breathed their last and fell."
This space is full of a vapour so misty and dense that one can scarcely see the ground," he added.

Upon excavation of the site, archaeologists also found Ionic semi-columns that had inscriptions of dedication to the deities of the underworld, Pluto and Kore.

Priests, who would have been hallucinating under the influence of the fumes, would sacrifice bulls to Pluto by leading the animals into the toxic cave, before dragging them out dead, the archaeologist explained.

“We could see the cave’s lethal properties during the excavation,” D’Andria said.

“Several birds died as they tried to get close to the arm opening, instantly killed by the carbon dioxide fumes.”

 

And they blame us for global warming...

 

And finally:

 

East to the place where tea used to come from

 

Scientists have “discovered” a bloody great big venomous Tarantula which is apparently the size of a human face, its legs, which have unique daffodil-yellow markings, span a massive 20cm (eight inches). The arachnid also has a distinctive pink band around its body.

The new species was found in the war-torn north of the South Asian country by scientists from Sri Lanka's Biodiversity Education and Research (BER) organisation.

It has been named Poecilotheria rajaei, in recognition of a senior police officer called Michael Rajakumar Purajah, who guided the research team through a hazardous jungle overrun by civil unrest in order to seek out the spider.

 

I think you would need a roll of wallpaper to sort that one out....

 

That’s it: I’m orf to reboot the ‘Petaflop’ computer

 

And today’s thought:

Grand National Lasagne

 

Angus

Pie in the sky gas: Dahn Unda Army for sale: Scary skateboarding: Pancake machine: and a helium bridge.

A touch of skywater, a whimsy of white fluffy stuff, a memory of lack of cold, an absence of atmospheric movement and less solar stuff than you could shake an icicle at, at the Castle this morn.

Just returned from the stale bread (still £1.45) gruel (now 89p) and his Maj’s food (up to £3.68) run dahn dobbin’s deli (otherwise known as Tesco), usual mayhem, many, many interweb robots cruising about grabbing everything in sight for those too idle to get orf their arses and do their own shopping.

 

Apparently the shit for brains Millionaires Club Coalition

And especially Energy Secretary Ed Davey wants us to provide up to £4bn to meet the cost of any of the six leading energy suppliers going out of business, although the collapse of one of the major groups is rated as highly unlikely the Government wants contingency plans in place to safeguard against the risk of consumers being left in the dark and the economy suffering.

“Four of the six – EDF of France, E.ON and Npower of Germany and Scottish Power, owned by Iberdrola of Spain – are subsidiaries of powerful global groups, while UK businesses Centrica and Scottish & Southern Electric are big players in their own right.

The commitment of the foreign-owned groups to the UK market is not being questioned but analysts feel the Government does not want to find its self helpless if the parent faces a crisis and the UK subsidiary suffers.”

But a cost recovery programme outlined in an Energy Department consultation paper on the issue, open for comments until March 15, shows how the rescue costs could trickle down and leave consumers saddled with paying for the rescue for five years.

Under what the department says is the worst case and least likely scenario household bills could rise by between £7 and £32 a year on average over the period, equivalent to a maximum contribution of £4bn on the basis of 25.5m households in the UK.

 

Nice: Now who was it that sold orf our nationalised Gas and Leccy companies-oh yes it was the Conservatives under Thatcher the snatcher....

 

Dahn Unda

Starting in March, up to 12,000 vehicles including Land Rovers, trucks, semi-trailers, tankers, motorcycles and trailers, valued at more than $100 million, will be sold by Sydney-based firm Australian Frontline Machinery.

Most are about 25 years old with 125,000km on the clock and not a bullet hole in sight, in either khaki or camouflage paint scheme.

They range in quality from rolled-over write-offs to near-pristine vehicles fitted with premium accessories.

Defence is buying a new vehicle fleet for $7 billion with phase three of the project to deliver about 4600 light and heavy vehicles worth $3.1 billion. During the coming years the government will also sell hundreds of planes, ships, helicopters, armoured vehicles, explosives and weapons as it moves to replace 85 per cent of military equipment.

The sale of combat equipment is subject to strict rules to prevent it falling into the hands of potential enemies or dodgy dictators. Countries such as Fiji, Syria, Yemen and Iran, and companies dealing with such regimes, are on the banned list.

 

Maybe Blighty’s Piss Poor Policies Millionaires Club Coalition will be interested.

 

Up a bit to Sarf Africa

 

A professional skateboarder is potentially facing jail time after uploading a video that purports to show him skating at an astounding 68 mph through the middle of traffic.

South African skater Decio Lourenco faces the charges after Cape Town city officials say his high-speed skating actually triggered a speed camera. The speed limit in the town Lourenco was skating through is reportedly 37 mph.

“All that was needed was for one of those motorists to panic and swerve into the oncoming traffic and you have a large number of deaths, as we have already had on that road, safety spokesman Jean-Pierre Smith, told the New York Daily News. "If we don't take action against him, every other aspirant skateboarder will try it and one of them will come to a sticky end."

 

Numpty-or otherwise known as a donor....

 

With shrove thingy arriving tomorrow

 

Here is something that could prevent all those ceiling adornments and overdone pancakes, four design engineers, commissioned by The Happy Egg Company, spent more than 200 hours to construct the Pancake–omatic and another 100 hours to test it.

To ensure the pancakes are as fresh as can be designers installed a luxury nest throne for the hen to lay her egg in.

It then travels along a spinning gramophone record before being mixed with other pancake ingredients and flipped on to a plate.

 

“Don't worry, Gromit! Everything's under control!”

 

And finally:

 

From Tatton Park in Cheshire, England

Cometh the helium bridge, created by French artist Olivier Grossette for a 'Flights of Fancy' themed outdoor sculpture exhibition, Picture: Olivier Grossette/ Splash News.

 

Like it....

 

That's it: I'm orf to go retro

 

Today’s thought:

That's mine done, now how many do you want?

 

  

And today’s mellow melody:

As mellow as you can get

 

 

Angus

 

No fuel like cheap fuel: What austerity?: Das Numptys: Over the radioactive limit: Nail house: and a Magnetic iPod holder.

Back to “normal” at the Castle this morn-chucking it dahn, cold, windy and not very clement, the arm is not too bad and his Maj has discovered the joy of ambush from behind the shower curtain.

 

Allegedly German owned E.ON is going to peg prices for 2012

E.ON's pledge came after British Gas owner Centrica last week signalled that further price hikes were on the way as its costs continued to mount.

The German utility giant confirmed that wholesale energy costs are expected to climb but said it will freeze prices for the rest of 2012 as part of a commitment to be fair and transparent.

Dr Tony Cocker, chief executive of E.ON UK, said: "Let me be clear - E.ON will not raise residential prices in 2012.

"Earlier this year we cut our prices in a way that helped some 75% of our customers and I hope that the certainty we've given today will show our customers again that we are committed to helping them."

 

 But: the snag is while prices will not rise during the “warm bit-har bloody har” E.ON may raise prices at the start of 2013, potentially meaning customers could face higher costs for some of the coldest winter months.

Nice....

 

And according to Tullett Prebon.

Blighty’s austerity programme is a “myth” designed to “con” the financial markets, and that “public expenditures have hardly been reduced at all” and that claims of a “big cut in public spending is bare-faced deception”.

Figures highlighted by the firm show that public spending actually rose during 2010-11 and fell by just 1.5 percent last year.

Government spending is more than £22 billion higher than it was in 2008 when the financial crisis erupted.

The majority of extra money required by ministers to fill the black hole in the finances caused by the recession is being raised from extra taxes rather than cuts in Government spending.

Dr Tim Morgan, the global head of research at Tullett Prebon, said: “It’s high time that this mendacity was exposed for what it is. Government has done very little about its spending, has appropriated three-quarters of all gains in economic output for its own use, has carried on piling up debt – and has tried to pass all this off as 'responsible austerity’.

Well, that’s told us....

 

Right a smidge to the land where austerity seems to be working

A German police force that spent €25 million on new sporty cars found that not only was the visibility rubbish for chases - the fancy seats were so narrow the cops could not get in while wearing their guns, truncheons and other equipment.

The Hesse Interior Ministry ordered 800 of the swish new models – Opel's Insignia Sports Tourer – in a long-term deal at the end of 2010. The ministry says that 200 of the cars have been delivered so far, but it is yet to be decided whether the order will be completed.

The limited view through the back window was also a major problem for the police, said Hölzgen. "I need to see out of the back every minute, every second," he said. "That's a safety matter for us."

The ministry insisted that the car had been tested prior to the order. "The results did not point to any lack of suitability for police service," a ministry spokeswoman told regional broadcaster HR. She added that the ministry was aware of the problem.

Vorsprung Durch Bollocks-mind you even I have a problem getting my truncheon in the Honda....

Left to the home of the detector and the land of the isotope

Last Wednesday, Mike Apatow was getting on to Interstate 84 in Newtown, CT, when police stopped him for no reason he could determine. When the cop told him that his car had set off his radioactivity detectors, it started making sense: Apatow was most certainly radioactive.

Earlier in the day, Apatow had had a bit of radioactive material injected into his veins. He wasn't trying to turn himself into a superhero—just trying to keep himself alive. The off-duty fire-fighter had gone to a cardiology office to have a cardiac stress test, which tracks the function of the heart by tracking radioactivity as it moves through the circulatory system.

Apatow had come to the office after feeling ill earlier and finding that his blood pressure had gone up way above where it was usually. Whatever caused the blip went away quickly, and Apatow went back to work, as recounted at ctpost.com.

Good job they don’t have moron detectors around the palace of Westminster, the sound would be deafening.

 

East to the place where houses are cheap

One stubborn elderly couple created the ultimate road block after refusing to move out of their home to allow a new major motorway route to be built.

Developers were pulling their hair out after 75-year-old Hong Chunqin and her husband Kung refused to make way for developers in Taizhou, Zhejiang province, eastern China.

After initially accepting £8,000 in compensation to relocate, the couple then backtracked on their decision and insisted they weren't going anywhere - after construction was underway.

Dubbed the 'Road to Nowhere', Mr and Mrs Chunqin's house can now be seen blocking the completion of the newly-built road, with just a tiny dirt track linking the two separate stretches.

Similar homes have been labelled Nail Houses in China, following a series of disputes across the country. The reference comes from a stubborn nail that is difficult to remove.

Developers have been accused of using dirty tactics to evict tenants, cutting one homeowner's power and, in one famous case, excavating a 10-metre deep pit around an entire house.

However the Chunqin family, who argue they should be given the choice of where they are relocated to, have installed CCTV cameras to stop a similar scenario from happening.

Hang in there guys.....

And finally:

Back over to the home of body piercing and the land of inexorable Numptyism

A tattoo artist has invented a bizarre way to stay with his beloved iPod at all times – having surgery to implant magnets under his skin.

Instead of wearing a wristband, four small powerful magnets under the body piercing expert’s skin helps the Apple device stay in place, just like a strapless watch.

My brain hurts......

 

That’s it: I’m orf to buy a flying car.

And today’s thought:

What austerity.

 Angus

Money in the bank: Too rich to list: Digital socks: Brothel botherer: Manhole Numpty: and Books of wood.

Shallow, slushy and rough at the Castle this morn (just like the Piss Poor Policies Millionaires Club Coalition), just got back from the stale bread, gruel and pussy food run at Tesco, the roads are fine-no frost no wind, I can’t see what all the fuss is about.

The French farce continues with a longing for an equine steak...

Up to the part of the Smoke that isn’t

Allegedly the Bank of Blighty Monetary Policy Committee is set to announce on Thursday that it is expanding its Quantitative Easing programme from £275bn to £325bn.

Several members of MPC signalled at their January meeting that they would vote for a further round of QE this month.

City economists had thought the committee would approve a further £75bn of asset purchases this month, but services and manufacturing surveys have suggested that the economy performed slightly better than expected in the early weeks of this year.

Yippee-I claim my share.....

And apparently Councils have given Eric (if it moves I’ll eat it) Pickles the middle finger

Despite ordering them to identify staff earning more than £58,200 a year and any spending of more than £500 council chiefs said they had so many well-paid staff the cost of listing them and their responsibilities could run into hundreds of thousands of pounds. They also said staff safety would be at risk if the public knew how much they earned.

Other councils claimed that taxpayers lacked the “evaluation skills” to decide whether spending was good value for money and would fall victim to “misunderstandings”. Several insisted there was little demand locally for information on how they spent public money.

 Oh shit.....

Over to the left where bits of sand make billions

The latest fashion accessory is flamboyantly coloured, audaciously patterned socks; it seems that wearing flashy socks is more than an expression of your personality. It signals that you are part of the in crowd. It’s like a secret handshake for those who have arrived, and for those who want to.

Lee Sylvia, a sock buyer at Sockshop and Shoe Company, which has stores in San Francisco and Santa Cruz, Calif., said that sales of wild socks were up, an observation echoed by other local sock specialists.

Selling particularly well are geometric patterns, pink and purple, orange and black for the San Francisco Giants, socks with words like “bacon” and “beer,” and “anything with ninjas,” she said.

The most popular styles cost $12 to $40 a pair and are made of combed cotton or wool by companies like Happy Socks, Anonymousism, Paul Smith and Corgi.

Sock it to me?

Dahn Unda

A firm of private investigators in Australia has been advertising for a £50,000-a-year 'brothel inspector'.

The post involves "partaking of sexual services" undercover on behalf of local councils in New South Wales.

The Lyonswood Investigations and Forensic Group in Sydney placed the ad for a 'Brothel Buster Investigator' in My Career magazine.

Applicants were required to be unmarried and preferably single, willing to have protected sex with prostitutes and to provide sworn evidence in court.

Lyonswood operations manager Lachlan Jarvis said the job involved visiting suspected illegal brothels and gathering evidence to prove they were offering sexual services.

"Some jobs require the offering of sexual services, some actually require the partaking of sexual services... because it is considered the most convincing evidence," he said.

Mr Jarvis said the ad had proved popular with Sydney job seekers.

"We had dozens if not more than that apply, it was certainly a popular job," he said, "the perfect job for a male."

I could do that-if I had some blood pressure pills...

Up a fair way to the land of brain dead parents

How not to teach your kids about explosives...

And finally:

Left to the place that looks like a high heel

In Padova University is the collection of wooden books, once a collection of roughly a hundred, nearly half of these rare wooden books have been lost or destroyed since their creation in the late 1700s or early 1800s, leaving only 56.

These books are both about trees and constructed of them, each volume is about a different species of tree, with its cover made from the wood of that tree, showing both wood radial, longitudinal, and cross profiles. And on each spine is a section of the tree's bark.

Inside are the book's contents - but rather than paper describing the tree, each book holds bits of the tree itself. Seedlings, leaves, roots, sawdust, charcoal, flowers, and seeds are all fastened in place and numbered. Each book is accompanied by a handwritten piece of parchment with a legend explaining what each sample is.

Now there’s somewhere to visit-if you are tired of life....

That’s it: I’m orf to have a look at Cetus.

And today’s thought:

Angus

Going Dahn: The cost of morale: Heaven’s taxes: Mexican motors: Clipping dentist: In a hot hole: and a Brazilian Numpty.

Cold, wet and more than dismal at the Castle this morn, I spent most of yester aftermorn installing a new shower after the old one went tits up and deluged me with freezing cold water, and I spotted the first crocus in the garden.

Apparently U-Turn Cam is a bit disappointed over the economy

The Prime Monster said the worse-than-expected 0.2% contraction showed that the country was facing "extremely difficult economic times".

The contraction was driven by a 0.9% fall in manufacturing, a 4.1% drop in electricity and gas production as the warm weather caused people to turn down heating, and a 0.5% fall in the construction sector, while the powerhouse services sector ground to a halt.

And as the multi millionaire Eton shirt lifter couldn’t blame cold weather or an Icelandic volcano he decided that the "overhang" of debt run up under the previous government, high food and commodity prices, and the eurozone crisis was the cause.

 
Everyone else’s fault but the Piss Poor Policies Millionaires Club Coalition.

East to the land of exploding things

 

Celebrities embarking on “morale-boosting” visits to troops serving in Afghanistan cost taxpayers hundreds of thousands of pounds last year, new figures have shown.

Katherine Jenkins, the opera singer who is also the “Forces Sweetheart”, David Beckham, the former England captain and Cheryl Cole, the pop star, were among the high profile visitors to the war zone in 2011.

Defence chiefs organise the important “morale-boosting” trips to the front line as part of attempts to maintain troops' spirits as they battle against the Taliban.

Celebrities don flak jackets and helmets, travel on military flights before bedding down alongside servicemen and women during the publicised trips that generally provide favourable coverage.

Ministry of Defence (MoD) figures provided to Parliament on Tuesday show that taxpayers were billed £437,637 for celebrity visits "including an element for UK travel and mobilisation".

The MoD could not say if the stars were paid for the visits or how many trips were made.

 

That should read “would not say if the stars were paid for the visits or how many trips were made”

Left to the land of the tithe and the home of God

A 40-year-old man who told IRS agents he was not subject to man's laws but instead was an American national who "resided in the Kingdom of Heaven," pleaded not guilty this week to charges he filed false tax returns.

Russell P. Gentile, of Melbourne, Fla., also faces one count of obstruction of an IRS agent after a grand jury indicted him.

The indictment reported that in 2008 Gentile claimed that he had no reportable income for the years 2001 and 2002. Gentile sent a letter to the Internal Revenue Service disputing the government's claims and stated that he didn't have to provide information about his income.

Investigators reported that Gentile told IRS agents that he would sue them in court if they continued to call him and ordered them to remove his name and Social Security number from the agency's databases.



Good try...bad plan.

Dahn to the place that doesn’t like Clarkson

Nissan Motor Co. announced Wednesday it is investing $2 billion to build a new manufacturing plant in Mexico. It will be the Japanese company's third in the country, helping it serve markets throughout the Americas.

Construction of the plant in the northern state of Aguascalientes will begin this summer and production should start by the end of next year, according to a company statement. It said an industrial park for supplier companies also will be built.

The plant is projected to have the capacity to produce 175,000 vehicles a year, focusing on "B" platform vehicles. Those include the Versa, March and Tiida. The company says that will give Nissan the ability to produce 1 million cars a year in Mexico in the midterm.

Nissan manufactured more than 600,000 vehicles in Mexico last year, and it reported selling 1.56 million vehicles throughout the Americas, giving it a 7 percent market share for the hemisphere.

Nissan topped sales in Mexico last year with more than 224,000 vehicles, nearly 25 percent of the market.

Nissan said it expects to employ 3,000 workers, raising the company's total workforce in Mexico to 13,500. It projects the new plant will create 9,000 other jobs indirectly.

The company's production in Mexico includes the March, Sentra, Versa, Tiida autos, as well as the aging but still popular Tsuru model widely used as a taxi. It also produces NP300 light trucks.

Note to oneself-do not buy a Nissan-Datsun recalls

Up again to the land of private everything

In the state of many teeth a former dentist has pleaded guilty to Medicaid fraud for using sections of paper clips instead of stainless steel posts in root canals in an effort to save money.

Michael Clair, who had a practice in Fall River, Massachusetts, is scheduled to be sentenced next week. He pleaded guilty Friday to defrauding Medicaid of $130,000, assault and battery, illegally prescribing prescription drugs and witness intimidation charges.

Some of Clair's patients reported infections after he performed root canals on them, said Grant Woodman, a spokesman for state Attorney General Martha Coakley, whose office prosecuted Clair.

Prosecutors say Clair was suspended by Medicaid in 2002 but continued filing by using the names of other dentists in his practice.

Clair's license to practice dentistry was suspended in Massachusetts in July 2006. Woodman said Clair is no longer licensed to practice dentistry in any state.

James Kulild, a professor of endodontics at the University of Missouri-Kansas City School of Dentistry, said a paper clip should never be left in permanently.

And there are very limited circumstances under which a paper clip could be used during dental procedures.

Yeah, like holding the patients’ notes together.

Dahn Unda and right a bit

With just a few thrusts of a shovel, beach-goers in Coromandel Forest Park can watch a slow gurgle of warm, geothermal water rise from below the sand to gently fill a personal spa-like pool. In peak season, hundreds take to the beach with their bucket and trowel, digging pools just big enough to lie out in the water, which can reach temperatures of 147 degrees Fahrenheit. Those who forget a spade still can't be dismayed, as the local surf shop rents out digging tools for hot-tub creation.

Despite the comfort of the beach side spa, visitors must be careful not to venture to close to the water past low tide, as the breaking waves and rip currents near the beach have a notorious and dangerous track record, and high tide comes in and washes down the walls of their personal tubs.

Get a bleedin life....

And finally: 

Back over to the place I wouldn’t buy a Nissan from and dahn a bit

Security camera footage from Brazil shows how a hapless bank robber was quite literally the architect of his own downfall.

CCTV from a bank in northern Paraná, Brazil recorded the action when three armed men stormed the building on Monday.

All appeared to be running smoothly for the trio of thieves as the security guards quickly capitulated and the bank tellers handed over around 30,000 Brazilian reais (£11,000) to them.

Unfortunately the check-shirted man who was acting as the lookout at the front door was armed with two pistols and an apparent itchy-trigger finger.

Idly fumbling with one of the weapons he managed to accidentally shoot himself in the foot with the gun in his right hand.

He is last seen on the CCTV limping from the bank behind his two accomplices.

Natural justice.
 

That’s it: I’m orf to pour some whisky into the Hondas go juice tank

And today’s thought:

Angus

Le invasion: Back to the 1950’s: Copper a load of this: Drink a Blowfish: Parker scooter: and a playing Panda .

More white crusty stuff than you could shake a stick at around the Castle this morn, I think the liquid metal in the gauge has emigrated to somewhere warm; the dungeon is bursting with fat teenagers for the furnace, the study is nicely nestled with non number crunchers and his Maj is still clinging to the radiator in the kitchen.

Up in the Smoke

From next June, for the first time, a French MP will take his or her seat as representative for a new constituency stretching from Dublin to Riga, with its heart in London. The winning candidate will have a seat in Paris's national assembly and will represent the interests of French nationals based in northern Europe, the largest proportion of whom live in the UK capital, where there are thought to be as many as 400,000.

One of the leading candidates for the northern Europe seat is Axelle Lemaire, the head of the Socialist Party in London. Ms Lemaire, 36, has lived in Britain for the past 10 years and currently works as a researcher in the House of Commons. Last night she said there was a strong bond between the countries that she hoped would survive the current diplomatic storm.

400,000; no wonder there are no frogs in London......

And:

U-Turn Cam’s bottle washer

Is to step up his warning against Tory plans for tax breaks for married couples - accusing ministers of seeking a return to the 1950s.

Tory backbenchers are pressing for an election pledge to introduce transferable tax allowances worth up to £150 a year to be implemented within this parliament.

What’s his name will use his "open society" speech to distance his party from the Tories on a range of social issues and will single out the marriage plans.

"We should not take a particular version of the family institution, such as the 1950s model of suit-wearing, bread-winning dad and apron wearing, home-making mother - and try and preserve it in aspic," he will tell the Demos think tank.

Ah the good old 1950’s-cheap food, cheap petrol, cheap gas and electricity, no traffic jams speed limits or seat belts, no mobile phones, smog, rickets, polio, outside toilets, bath in front of the coal fire; Bliss....

Right a smidge to the land of ABBA

Several blonde residents of a southern Swedish town were left with green hair after an unusual reaction between the water supply and the shower system of a number of new homes.

Authorities began investigating when a number of inhabitants of Anderslov complained that their hair suddenly turned green, Swedish newspaper Skanskan reported.

They tested the water supply in several homes to see if there was a high level of copper - known to turn hair green - but recorded only normal levels of the metal.

However, when hot water was left in the houses' water systems overnight, the amount of copper in it was found to increase to five or 10 times the normal amount.

Investigators concluded that the hot water must have peeled copper from the pipes and water heaters. The copper then was absorbed into the water, causing the shock hair colour change when residents showered.

The problem was found to be worst in new homes, where pipes lacked coatings.

Residents were told wash their hair in cold water or live in an older house to avoid the problem

Very helpful, but are they “real” blondes.

From the land of the fragile and the home of the boozed up

A former finance worker claims to have created the 'ultimate hangover cure' which obliterates the symptoms of excess in just 15 minutes.

Blowfish contains a whopping 1,000 milligrams of aspirin, 120 milligrams of caffeine and an antacid to soothe upset stomachs.

The magic formula isn't the work of scientists, but was discovered by Brenna Haysom, who stumbled across the recipe after trying hundreds of hangover cures.

Now Blowfish has become the first remedy specifically designed for hangovers to be recognised by America's Food and Drug Administration (FDA).

It hit the US market this month and could officially be launched in Britain as early as next year.

Glad I don’t drink....

Back in barmy Blighty

A granddad who is obsessed with Thunderbirds has built his own version of Lady Penelope's Rolls Royce, complete with a homemade doll in the back seat.

Brian Vann, a 74-year-old retired construction worker from Evesham, Worcestershire, pimped his 10mph scooter to emulate the car from his favourite television show of the 1960s.

Using cardboard and tin foil, Vann carefully crafted the model around his scooter, painting the wood and even using a Barbie doll to create his own version of the Rolls Royce emblem on the front.

The idea for the transformation came after Mr Vann's wife passed away in 2010, and he decided to design it to compete in a cancer charity race.

Now to get around town, Mr Vann cruises in his Thunderbirds-inspired 'Royce' with a model of his Lady Penelope in the back seat.

'I have always loved the Thunderbirds show when it was on the telly and have harboured an ambition to drive around Lady Penelope,' said Mr Vann.

There’s one born every 1937....

And finally:

Right oodles of thingies

Two giant pandas, Hua'ao and Qingfeng stretched their chubby limbs, played and even ate the snow as it blanketed Nanshan Park.

"They get particularly excited when they see snow,' said Ma Rong who works at Nanshan Park.

"Sometimes they like to roll a snow-house and hide inside. They also lump the snow together until they make small snowballs. Then they eat the snowballs as if they're having ice cream."

Snow is nothing new for the endangered animals, which live in cold areas at an altitude of about 2,000 metres above sea level.

Bless...

That’s it: I’m orf to spread nanoparticles on my clothes.

And today’s thought:

Angus

Schools out: Bad maths: Tyred bull: Flying porn: Chickenpox lollies: and a Piss Poor Pilot.

‘Tis a bit nicer at the Castle this morn-warmish, dryish and calmish, the study is devoid of non adding machines, and his Maj has brought me his first catch-a worm.

I’m orf to the smoke later to visit “Ms” sister up near Kew Bridge, should be interesting, I don’t do heights and she lives on the sixteenth floor.

And here is a nice pic of the asteroid that didn’t hit us the other night.

Allegedly head teachers are about to go on strike over their pensions

But union chiefs say it is still "not too late" to resolve the public sector pensions impasse.

Members of the National Association of Head Teachers (NAHT) voted by three to one in favour of the November 30th walkout over the coalition's plans to slash teachers' pensions. Turnout was 53.6%.

The 'yes' vote is a historic moment for NAHT, which had not previously backed strike action in its 114-year history. Its members hold leadership positions in 85% of primary schools and over 40% of secondary schools.

Should be given detention.

And staying on Education, education, education

Apparently too many children leave school unable to add, subtract and divide after being put off by “flawed” maths lessons, according to a leading examiner.

Mark Dawe, chief executive of OCR, one of Britain's biggest exam boards, said growing numbers of young people struggled to function in further education or the world of work after failing to “acquire the maths skills that society demands” at school.

He suggested that the existing curriculum was unable to cater for children with different needs, including the very brightest at one end and those that struggle with the basics at the other.

Currently, almost half of 16-year-olds fail to achieve grade C at GCSE, with just 15 per cent studying maths beyond that level.

It is also feared that as many as a quarter of economically active adults are "functionally innumerate".

Maybe the “Heads” should concentrate a little more on the pupils....

Over to the Island state on the left

A rodeo bull in Hawaii appears comfortable again after spending about 20 hours with his head stuck in a giant tyre.

The 800-pound bull, named Skywalker, couldn't eat or drink after he got his head lodged in the truck tyre that someone dumped at the Triple L Ranch in Maui, ranch owner Paige De Ponte said.

"He was uncomfortable and it took all day to get him out," she said Wednesday.

No one could get near the cranky bull Tuesday until Skywalker became exhausted enough for ranch worker Kawika Manoa to use a piece of wood to pry off the tyre, which weighs more than 50 pounds. Skywalker didn't put up a fight and then went straight for the water trough after being released from the rubber ring, De Ponte said.

Just as well that tyre is dangerous, it’s bald.....

Ryanair CEO Michael O'Leary

Is thinking up yet another cunning plan to make a bit more money by offering a host of web-based offerings to flyers via an app including gambling and even pornographic movies.

 His model is the pay TV services hotels offer guests.

O'Leary said he hopes to launch an in-flight web offer that mimics hotel room pay-TV services.

"I'm not talking about having it on screens on the back of seats for everyone to see," O'Leary told The Sun. "It would be on handheld devices. Passengers would be able to log into a Ryanair app using their iPads or smart phones." 

Numpty...

 

Back over to the other fifty states

US parents who reportedly buy mail order lollies infected with chickenpox to try to help their children build up immunity from the virus are being warned the practice could be dangerous.

The treats have apparently emerged following chickenpox "parties" - where parents get their youngsters together with an infected child so they catch it, in the belief it will strengthen their defences.

Such gatherings have become popular in recent years following health concerns related to vaccinations.

But Jerry Martin, US attorney for the Middle District of Tennessee, said he was concerned by reports in Phoenix and Nashville of people going on Facebook to find lollipops, saliva or other items from children who have chickenpox.

He said: "Can you imagine getting a package in the mail from this complete stranger that you know from Facebook because you joined a group, and say, 'Here, drink this purported spit from some other kid?'"

Mr Martin said it was a federal crime to send diseases or viruses across state lines in the post.

Nice.....

 

And finally:

 

Back in Blighty

A 71-year-old light aircraft pilot almost paid the ultimate price for wanting to spend a penny, it was revealed today.

Having eaten a light meal and downed two mugs of tea, the pilot took off from Husbands Bosworth in Leicestershire, a report by the Air Accidents Investigation Branch (AAIB) said.

After 45 minutes he decided he might need a "toilet call" but had already passed three landing sites he visited regularly.

He considered landing at Breighton airfield in North Yorkshire but decided to continue on to Rufforth, only 15 minutes further away.

The AAIB report said the pilot came in to land at Rufforth "with the toilet call still on his mind".

He was lining the plane up and then "remembered nothing else until he was crawling out of the aircraft".

Should have flown Ryanair......

That’s it: I’m orf to test drive a new motor 

And adding up today’s thought: "Students nowadays are so clueless", the math professor complains to a colleague. "Yesterday, a student came to my office hours and wanted to know if General Calculus was a Roman war hero..."

Angus