Driving us to death: Mechanical morons: Sam Cam’s old motor: Car kids: Welsh Wanker: Eye-eye what’s this then?: and a Good Neighbour.

Loads of lack of warm, little atmospheric movement, less solar activity and lean amounts of skywater at the Castle this morn.

Going to “do” the last bit of splashing coloured stuff on the vertical bits, some of the high horizontal bits and low flat bits this weekend, the ladder is out and I have a parachute and safety net at the ready.

 

According to the Torygraph

Motorists are putting off essential maintenance on their cars because of the rising cost of driving, a survey has discovered.

Eight per cent of people admitted to delaying essential car maintenance, and 37 per cent to ignoring strange engine noises and dashboard warning lights. 47 per cent delay tyre replacement until the tread is at or below the legal minimum, and 22 per cent who do not replace brake pads. The result, if taken across total car ownership, is about one million cars on the road with unsafe tyres and brakes, said Halfords.

The survey also revealed that in order to save money 27 per cent of people said they had switched from main dealerships to independent garages.

 

Dangerously interesting...

 

Which brings me to

This: younger men are more likely to be able to bake a cake than change a tyre, a survey has revealed.

The poll in a survey carried out for JCB Toughphones showed that one in five men under 24 admitted they had never gotten their hands dirty doing DIY tasks.

It revealed that only 15 per cent knew how to jump-start a car, 17 per cent to change a tyre and only 28 per cent said they could change a plug.

But it appears the younger generation feel much more at home in the kitchen with over 70 per cent knowing how to bake a cake.

Those in the 25-34 age group fared marginally better but were similarly useless compared with older men.

Men aged 45 and older were much handier with "manly" jobs, with three-quarters of men over 55 knowing how to tackle more challenging tasks such as wallpapering.

 

Interestingly dangerous...

 

Up in the Norf-ish bit of battered Blighty

A 1971 Fiat 500 L once owned by Prime Minister David Cameron is being auctioned on November 17.

The fully restored car has been estimated at between £8,000 to £12,000 by Silverstone Auctions and will go under the hammer on November 17 at the Footman James Classic Motor Show at the NEC.

It was bought by pre-U-Turn Cam in 1998 as a surprise birthday present for his wife Samantha. The Cameron’s covered only about 1,000 miles in the 10 years that they owned the diminutive Fiat, which has a 499cc twin-cylinder engine.

The car comes with supporting paperwork confirming the prime Monster’s ownership, including a signed letter from him on House of Commons headed paper.

 

Piece of seventies Italian shite....

 

East to the dark continent and dahn to Sarf Africa

Nursery school teacher Melanie Minnie was pulled over by police in South Africa after they spotted her and more than a lot of kiddlies in her motor heading for a burger bar.

Officers found a total of nineteen passengers under the age of consent- Six children were found in the car’s boot, at least three were on the front seat and the remaining 10 piled into the back.

The toddlers were eventually removed from the car, all unharmed.

Ms Minnie told police she was in the process of ferrying a second car-load of youngsters back to the nursery.

Apparently, another 12 children had already been bundled into the Clio.

She was fined just over £100 after admitting she overloaded the motor for the bizarre trip

 

What a cupid stunt...

 

Left to Welsh Wales

Welsh bachelor Gareth Lloyd, 49, has avoided a jail term after making nearly 6,000 phone calls in three months saying his manhood was stuck in household objects including a jam jar and a vacuum cleaner.

The court heard an extensive search was launched to track down the nuisance caller.

Lloyd, of Bryn y Coed, Holywell, made 5,800 calls from an unregistered pay-as-you-go mobile phone between February and April.

BT traced the number but police could not find him.

He was only caught when his number came up on another mobile phone police were analysing.

Lloyd admitted making calls which caused annoyance, inconvenience and needless anxiety, and making calls which were grossly offensive.

He was given a 12-month community order after pleading guilty to three charges under the Telecommunications Act.

 

That guy needs a proper hobby....

 

Left to the home of big and the land of old blue eyes

Word that a giant eyeball had washed up on a South Florida beach has created a buzz on the Internet and in the marine biology community.

The huge, blue eyeball may have come from a deep sea squid or a large sword fish, said Heather Bracken-Grissom, an assistant professor in the marine science program at Florida International University in Miami.

A man found the eyeball while taking a morning stroll along Pompano Beach just north of Fort Lauderdale. He contacted state wildlife officials, who took possession of the softball-sized eyeball.

Allegedly the eyeball's lens and pupil are similar in shape to that of a deep sea squid. She noted that a deep sea squid's eyeball can be as large as a soccer ball and can easily become dislodged.

The mystery likely won't be solved until testing on the eyeball is completed at the Florida Fish and Wildlife Research Institute in St. Petersburg.

 

Well, eye’ll be buggered....

 

And finally:

 

From my old friend Bernard the news hound

Comes this interesting piece of info

Click on the pic to read the item 

 

Missed out again.... 

That’s it: I’m orf to illuminate a manuscript

 

And today’s thought:

She can change my oil anytime she wants

 

 

Angus

Do as I say-three core: Snowball’s chance: Law flaws: Towns for sale: and I don’t have a wooden car.

Damp, dingy and dismal at the Castle this morn, no post yesterday, the interweb thingy went tits up-not sure why, it could have been my “internet provider” or it could have been the sky water getting into the underground cables.

And by the time it came back on at around 9 of the pm I couldn’t be arsed to put digit to keyboard.

Three Core Cable has bored us all with his whingeing about the lack of apprenticeships

But it seems that the old fart has been accused of failing to “practise what he preaches” after it emerged his own department has stopped offering apprenticeships.

After claiming to be “very proud” of the Government’s commitment to funding apprenticeships at a time when budgets are tight, it turns out that his own Department for Business, Innovation and Skills is no longer taking on new candidates on its own apprentice programme because of the spending cuts.

Figures show the department had 30 apprentices just before the Coalition came to power.

However, this more than halved to 14 over the course of last year and there will be between six and 10 remaining from this year.

Useless tosspot...

Up Norf a bit

Frightened postal workers have been banned from delivering letters to one notoriously hazardous address after being repeatedly 'attacked' by a three-year-old cat called Snowball.

Following a thorough investigation the Royal Mail has stopped its workers from delivering mail to the address after labelling the black and white moggy a 'health and safety risk'.

Despite being described as 'absolutely harmless' by owner Ian Wilkinson, the UK's postal service said Snowball posed an 'unacceptably high level of risk'.

Royal Mail said three employees suffered 'quite deep cuts' after all being attacked by the 10inch tall feline.

Mr Wilkinson, 46, said he was shocked when he received a letter from Royal Mail saying its workers would no longer be delivering mail to his home in Peterborough, Cambridgeshire.

Royal Mail has insisted Mr Wilkinson will not receive any mail until an 'alternative safe delivery point' has been put in place.

A spokesman added: 'There are around 4,000 animal attacks a year on Royal Mail people.

'These attacks cause great distress and in too many cases serious injuries.'

Pussy Post persons....

All over backward Blighty

Hundreds of obscure laws which date back as far as the 14th century should be swept away in a bid to clear up the statute book, it has been claimed.

A joint report by the Law Commission for England and Wales and Scottish Law Commission said there are as many as 817 entire acts and sections of a further 50 that need repealed.

The oldest, dating from around 1322, regulated how animals should be taken to pay the king’s debts, including details on how they should be fed, cared for and sold, and what livestock should be exempt.

The most recent provision recommended for the scrapheap in the 19th Statute Law (Repeals) Bill is a tax provision from 2010.

Examples of redundant laws applied to Scotland include 16 acts passed between 1798 and 1828 to tax pints of ale, beer or bitter to raise funds for public works.

Or you could have-The abolition of imprisonment for debt brought about by the Debtors Act 1869, further 16 old enactments which were passed between 1798 and 1828 to tax pints of ale, beer or bitter brewed or sold in certain parts of Scotland in order to raise funds for building roads should also be scrapped, the report said.

* An 1800 Act to hold a lottery to win the £30,000 Pigot Diamond after its owners failed to sell it because its value, "the equal of any known diamond in Europe", was too great;

* Some 40 Acts relating to the City of Dublin and passed by Parliament before Ireland was partitioned in 1921;

* A 1696 Act to fund the rebuilding of St Paul's Cathedral after the Great Fire of 1666;

* A 1710 Act to raise coal duty to pay for 50 new churches in London;

* A total of 38 obsolete Acts relating to railway companies operating in British India and the wider East Indies.

Or even:

Wearing armour in Parliament.

Keeping a whale from the King

Beating a carpet in London

Hanging your washing across the street

Minding a cow while drunk

Firing a cannon near a house

Starting but not finishing a railway

Running a farm on your doorstep

Eating the Queen’s Swans

One they should keep is: Knocking and running (knock dahn Ginger) 

And one they should lose is the 1799 income tax rip orf introduced as a means of paying for the war against the French forces under Napoleon.

Because I think that conflict is just about over now...

Over to the land of the Zip code and the home of empty towns

Buford, Wyoming, the nation's smallest town, will lose its long-time - and only - resident on Thursday when the outpost along Interstate 80 is auctioned off to the highest bidder.

The minimum bid for Buford, 10-plus acres with a convenience store-cum-gas station situated between the capital city of Cheyenne and Laramie, Wyoming, is $100,000 for a sale to take place in town at noon local time.

Buford is one of two tiny Western towns to be sold by owners whose spouses have died and whose adult children have moved on.

Pray, Montana, population 8, is on the market for $1.4 million, a price realtors say is a steal for property just north of Yellowstone National Park in the scenic Paradise Valley.

Both communities sprang to life amid Western settlement in the late 19th and early 20th centuries when railroads brought people, supplies and prosperity to frontier towns, some of which failed to flourish despite hype by land speculators.

At least there won’t be any problems with neighbours....

And finally:

Right to the land of BMW boxes

A wooden 1955 Mercedes Benz 300SL Gullwing classic car has sold for £5,000 on eBay, Hand-carved from wood and listed as being on sale in the German city of Duisberg, the 1:1 scale replica comes with front wheels that actually steer, The seats also look to be authentic and in keeping with the original car’s style.

The dashboard and interior also appear to be very detailed

No MOT needed, but a woodworm check every couple of years would be advisable...

That’s it: I’m orf to print a couple of robots

And today’s thought:

Magic...

Angus

Elf and expenses: Rent a McLaren: Mooving Civic: Underground subs: and a Choco-holiday.

Coldish, cloudyish and calmish at the Castle this morn, apart from a bit of minor vandalism the garden is sorted and those nice people at the Met office are even predicting a smidge of sky water.

I had beans on toast for my supper last day before eve and yesterday I went to an aboriginal art thingy, the beans did their job and as the old song goes-

I left my fart near sandy frescos...

From the second largest city to the largest city in barmy Blighty

Sir David Nicholson, the chief executive of the health service in England who told the NHS it had to find savings of £20bn over four years, is facing questions about his own ability to budget after details of his latest travel costs were published by the Department of Health.

They reveal that the NHS is spending £5,000 a month on his travel and hotel accommodation expenses. In the three months to September last year, the Department of Health spent £4,329 on his rail fares, £3,188 on hotel accommodation and £8,000 on an official car and driver.

Sir David is one of the best-paid civil servants in the country, with a basic salary of more than £200,000. But despite his job being primarily based in London, under a deal struck with the Department several years ago he is allowed to live in Birmingham and have his journeys to London paid for by the taxpayer.

The Department of Health also paid for the cost of a London flat where he stayed during the week until last year. That arrangement has now ended but, as a consequence, the Department has started paying for London hotel accommodation for its most senior civil servant and more first-class rail journeys to and from Birmingham.

In just one week in July last year, it paid £480 for what appears to be just three rail journeys to London from Birmingham described as "attending an internal meeting", and £774 on what was described as "accommodation and meals".

A number of the rail journeys between London and Birmingham appear to cost up to £240 each.

A spokeswoman for the Department of Health said that it did all it could to ensure good value for money.

Bollocks...

Somewhere on the Interweb

British drivers have been offered the chance to hire the £212,000 McLaren MP4-12C by Hertz, the car rental company.

The price tag is likely to hinder all but the most affluent travellers, however. One day’s rental starts at £1,134.30, although this drops to a slightly more modest £906.30 for rentals lasting more than 28 days.

The car – designed by the same company responsible for Lewis Hamilton’s Formula 1 vehicle – features a 3.8-litre V8 twin-turbo engine, which produces 592bhp. It has a top speed of more than 200mph, and can accelerate from 0 to 60mph in 2.8 seconds and from 0 to 124mph in 8.9 seconds. In July 2011, it registered the second-fastest lap around the Top Gear track.

However, anyone considering a trip to the German autobahns, to put the car through its paces, will be sorely disappointed. According to the terms and conditions, drivers are not permitted to take the car abroad.

Hertz is offering the car through its brand HertzSuperCars.com. According to the website, a damage waiver is not available. Should you scratch the paintwork, or worse, the excess charge is £5,000.

Michel Taride, president of Hertz International and executive vice-president of Hertz Corporation, said: “Hertz aspires to offer truly innovative rental experiences to our customers, and the spell-binding McLaren MP4-12C provides an opportunity of a lifetime to experience Formula 1 race-bred technologies on the road.”

Also available through the website is the Ferrari 458 Italia (from £826.50 per day), the Ferrari F430 Spyder (from £507.30 per day) and the Aston Martin DB9 (from £450.30 per day).

Think I may pass on that....

Left to the later bit of Mexico

Three men are accused of stealing a 220-pound calf and driving off with the bovine in the back seat of a Honda Civic, New Mexico authorities said.

The Luna County Sheriff's Office said Jose Coronado, 26, Gerardo Gonzalez-Balderas, 20, and Salvador Balderas-Gonzalez, 23, were pulled over around 3 a.m. Friday for speeding and the deputy was shocked to see a 220-pound Holistein calf in the back seat of the car, The Carlsbad (N.M.) Current Argus reported Monday.

The men, who work for a Sierra County ranch, initially told the deputy they were allowed to have the animal but later allegedly admitted they had taken the calf without permission.

The men were charged with felony counts of larceny of livestock and conspiracy as well as misdemeanour counts of lack of a bill of sale and exporting livestock.

Amazing what you can fit in a Civic...

East to the land of sub-basements

37-year-old Zhang Wuyi builds mini submarines in a makeshift workspace in the basement of a disused building. When he started off, he worked alone. Today, he has three orders under his belt and also employs ten workers. His submarine models are capable of diving up to 30 meters under sea level and travel at 20 kph for 10 hours. They can seat two people and also contain oxygen tanks and video cameras. The walls are made of wrought iron. It takes Wuyi up to a month to build a submarine, and each one sells for about $31,000.

Wuyi’s ‘small and simple’ submarines are aimed at local fishermen. The first and only sold sub so far was purchased by Cong Zhijie, a sea cucumber farmer. He says, “I was brave enough to be the first user of the submersible, but that machine helped me catch up to 50kg of sea cucumbers in 40 minutes.” The second submarine is currently under construction at Wuyi’s basement factory.

Think I’ll pass on that one as well…

 

And finally:

Up North

A chocolate shop in Yorkshire is offering sweet-toothed travellers the opportunity to spend the night in their factory during Easter.

The “chocolate suite” – on offer from today until April 8, courtesy of the Little Chocolate Shop in Leyburn – features edible furnishings, a chocolate fountain and a fancy dress box filled with Wonka-esque accessories, aprons and toques.

Guests will be free to watch chocolate being made in the factory, before ending their stay with a chocolate breakfast.

However, they are advised to be out of bed by 10am, when the factory begins accepting visitors on regular tours. The chocolate furnishings, which include plants and ornaments, are restocked each day.

Num, nun, mind you if you live dahn in the Smoke apparently the train fare will be £240 or more.....

 

That’s it: I’m orf to capture some Carbon

And today’s thought:

Spectator sport.

Angus  

U-Turn Cam’s empty Piss Poor Policy: Up, up and.......nicked: Stumpy Numpty: Glowing motors: Crash test Focus: and Hanging out is good for you.

Oodles of sky water, mixed in with thunder at the Castle this morn, his Maj has been out to do his business and is now curled up on my lap with steam rising from his soaked fur.

The study is 50/50 with defunct do-dahs, and at 187 miles on 14 and a bit litres of go juice the Honda is doing 57 and a smidge to the imperial gallon, all I have to do now is raise the cash to put another twenty squids worth in.

 After the “referendum” balls up and the Eurozone debacle: 

U-Turn Cam and the rest of the Piss Poor Policy Tory tosspots warned that they might demand Britain's exemption from European employment protection laws as a condition for any treaty change needed to help save the euro.

Education Secretary, Michael Gove, said he would like to see regulations governing "whom we can hire, how we can hire and how long they work" taken away from Brussels.

He added: "I would like to see a change in this Parliament... We need to win [back] more [powers] and that process will require careful negotiation."

But, the Prime Minister's official spokesman said later that neither Mr Cameron nor Mr Gove were speaking for the Government on the issue.

?????

Dahn Unda

Letting go of a single balloon deliberately will now get you in trouble with Sunshine Coast Council after it approved a raft of new laws including regulation of balloons and dogs in dining areas.

In a shock move Mayor Bob Abbot back-flipped on his feelings about dogs in cafe and supported the motion, instead tabling his concerns in a document because he didn't wish to be 'disrespectful'.

In front of a packed gallery, Division 12 Cr Lew Brennan put forward a motion to remove the balloon law because he said it was 'meaningless'. 

Nice to see that they are concentrating on the important things.....

Over to the warm sunny bit of the Americas

Authorities in Southern California say they rescued a man stuck inside a hollow tree trunk by following the sounds of his screams down into a creek bed.

The Orange County Register (http://bit.ly/rLUnFV) reports that Orange County sheriff's deputies found the man stuck up to his chest inside a narrow hole in the trunk, which extended about four or five feet underground.

The newspaper says fire-fighters took about 90 minutes to free him once they found him Tuesday morning.

Lt. Roland Chacon says it's unknown why the man climbed into the hole near the base of the tree.

 

Because he’s a stumpy Numpty of course.

West even more

Used-car dealers in Japan are sitting on hundreds of vehicles contaminated by high levels of radiation from the nuclear meltdown at Fukushima earlier this year.

And some unscrupulous salesmen are disguising this fact by re-registering and selling them to unsuspecting customers.

One vehicle in particular is "so radioactive that sitting inside it for two hours a day will expose the occupant to more than the Government’s recommended maximum dose over the course of a year".

A car dealer who bought a contaminated vehicle told the paper: "I decontaminated repeatedly after the test, and retested the filter of the air conditioner, the wipers and tyres, replacing them thoroughly, but the radiation level dropped only to 30 microsieverts per hour. I decided to sell the vehicle in Japan because I couldn’t afford to lose the money."

Vehicles that emit radiation higher than 0.3 microsieverts an hour are banned from export.

Harbour authorities barred 660 cars last month because they exceeded the limit.

Glowing testimonial?

Dahn at MIRA in Blighty

Channel Five's motoring show Fifth Gear wanted to see what would happen in a head-on collision at120 mph, reports the Daily Telegraph.

Organisers refused to use expensive crash test dummies and instead opted for cheaper mannequins for the experiment.

The complex operation saw engineers from MIRA setting up a winch which would thrust the Ford towards the wall using 16 times the pulling power of a Bugatti Veyron.

As the contraption was activated, the Ford Focus hurtles towards the concrete wall and is obliterated on impact.

Within just 60 milliseconds, the car went from 120mph to 0mph with the mannequins subjected to forces of up to 400g.

Ellie Pearson from road safety charity Brake praised Fifth Gear for carrying out the test which demonstrated the potential risk of high-speed driving.

She said: "Modern cars are capable of reaching immense speeds and it is important that people realise how dangerous high speed driving is.

"This footage demonstrates the utter destruction of a high speed impact and hopefully anyone who sees it will think twice about their speed the next time they drive."

Go on-click the link; it will make you cringe.

And finally:

Apparently

Being naked really is good for your skin, according to research released today.

According to a leading dermatologist, naturists who exposed their bodies to the elements whatever the season, were found to be more aware of their skin’s needs.

Nearly half (45 per cent) applied sun protection every day, 82 per cent examine their skin for any abnormalities on a regular basis and eight out of 10 naturists feel that wearing natural fibres such as cotton provide comfort for their skin.

The research carried out by Comfort Pure, showed that those who prefer the fully clothed route do not give their skin the same level of care as naturists, with only a third using fabric softeners to leave clothes soft on skin.

54 per cent of naturists that took part in the study feel very confident about the look and feel of their bodies, compared to only 1 in 10 of their fully clothed counterparts.

 Think I’ll try it in the Castle; problem is that I haven’t seen the lower half of my bod for years......

 That’s it: I’m orf to do a bit of patent trolling.

And today’s thought: If you have to choose between two evils . . . pick the one you've never tried before.

Angus