Pay up El Papa: The ladder of compo: Bankers Dahn Unda: Cracking up in Shanghai: Not working at the carwash: And talking to Angels.

Calmish, coldish and cloudyish at the Castle this morn, the mock orange “tree” is still in situ-plan N didn’t work, and the Francaise malaise is still infectious-I keep shrugging....

Right a bit and down a bit more

The Vatican is now facing a new €600m-a-year tax bill as Rome seeks to head off European Commission censure over controversial property tax breaks enjoyed by the Church.

As the EC heads closer to officially condemning the fiscal perks enjoyed by the Catholic Church and introduced by the Berlusconi administration, Prime Minister Mario Monti has written to the Competition Commissioner, Joaquin Almunia, saying that the Vatican will resume property tax, or Ici, payments.

Dig deep Benedict....

Back in Blighty

Apparently Whitehall civil servants can claim compensation for laddered tights or snagged suits.

They could be paid back for damage to clothing, handbags, and shoes while at work – even if the department where they worked was not to blame.

A £300 damaged woollen suit could be worth £225 if it was 12 months old and £150 if it was two years old.And a civil servant ripping a £5 pair of tights could be entitled to £4.50.

A Cabinet Office spokeswoman said: “There is no free-for-all clothes replacement in the Civil Service. Departments can compensate employees for property damaged at work but only if there’s reasonable case for it.

But remember-“We are all in this together”...

Dahn Unda

ANZ boss Mike Smith is taking his top staff on a $1.75 million cruise just weeks after axing 1000 workers to save money.

The exclusive Silver Shadow cruise of Malaysia's Langkawi islands boasts gourmet food, drinks and luxury suites.

Each of the 200 passengers - 100 staff and their guests - will have a personal butler.

Just days after sacking 1000 staff - 600 from its Docklands HQ - ANZ revealed a $1.48 billion quarterly profit.

An ANZ spokesman said the trip was for winners of the ANZ CEO recognition program, which did not involve senior staff, and "the program recognises our 100 top performers who are mostly junior staff who often get little recognition for the job they do".

Oh well that’s alright then....

Up more than a smidge

Allegedly Lujiazui is falling down, the price to pay for having one of the world’s most iconic skylines, Shanghai’s Lujiazui is suffering from an increasing number of mini “fault lines” radiating outwards in every direction.

Particularly near Shanghai’s most iconic buildings: the World Financial Centre and the Jin Mao Tower. As progress continues on China’s future tallest skyscraper, the Shanghai Tower (situated directly across the street from the current cracks), one can only hope the entire area doesn’t end up collapsing in on itself.

Since 2003, Shanghai has been sinking under the weight of tons of concrete and steel at a rate of about 1.5 centimetres per year, prompting city officials to limit the construction of some skyscrapers. Over the past century, it has sunk over 2 metres.

Underground parking?

West to the home of the motor and the land of queues

Amy Johnson of Minneapolis bought a $12 carwash voucher in November from Calhoun Beach Automotive, a BP gas station in the Uptown area of Minneapolis, but found the line too long to wait in. So she stashed the receipt, which had a code that would let her enter the automated carwash and that expired in 30 days.

When she returned 37 days later, the code wouldn't grant her access. She thought that was unfair and is suing BP.

Johnson just wants her $12 back, but her lawyer, Shawn Wanta, said this kind of situation has happened to so many Minnesota consumers that it merits a class-action suit asking for damages of more than $5 million. That's what the law firm figures is the minimum value of carwash certificates since February

Shoulda, woulda, coulda….

And finally:

Right a lot and a lot more

To the land of the Norse, Princess Martha Louise, who has set up her own alternative medicine business, Thursday published her second book about angels, advising readers on how to talk to them.

"There are an infinite number of angels all around us who want to help us in all circumstances and at all times," the 40-year-old princess and fellow author Elisabeth Nordeng wrote in their introduction to the book "the Secrets of Angels".

"They are there for us. They are real. They exist," they added.

The book is a sequel to "Discover your Guardian Angel" which the two women published in 2009.

"In 'the Secrets of Angels' we reveal some of their secrets to make it easier for you to contact them. Angels want to be in touch with you, but it's important to know how they operate and how they get in touch," the women said.

The princess, who is fourth in line of success to the Norwegian crown, has renounced her title of Princess Royal along with most of her official duties in order to lead her own private life.

Think my Angel has buggered orf.....

That’s it: I’m orf to look for Lord Lucan

And today’s thought:

 Carwash

Angus

Excessive wind: Who owes what: Nippy nutter: Hairy wear: Stiff pants: and Compo Copper.

Cold, wet, dark, foggy and dismal at the Castle this morn, no post yesterday the elbow had escalated from extremely painful to excruciating so I spent the day curled up in a ball whimpering while stoned out on industrial strength painkillers.

But the swelling has reduced to the size of a tennis ball and the pain has subsided to merely agonising.

The Piss Poor Policies Millionaire Club Coalition’s “Green Energy” attempts seem to have hit a snag.

Following complaints about the noise of rotating blades from nearby residents, operators have agreed to switch off the machines or reduce their speed when the wind is blowing too strongly.

The agreements, which mean the turbines generate less electricity, have been revealed in dossiers from local authorities about their investigations into noise pollution complaints.

They show that at Askam wind farm, near Barrow-in Furness, in Cumbria, which comprises seven turbines, a control system was installed to turn off the machines when wind speeds get too high.

After complaints about noise from a 12-turbine wind farm on a former RAF base at Lissett, near Bridlington, East Riding of Yorkshire, environmental health officers found that high winds caused the machines to exceed the noise limits laid down in the scheme's planning conditions.

So an arrangement was reached whereby some of the turbines were slowed down when the wind was blowing at certain speeds and from certain directions.

I posted the answer to energy problems over on Nourishing Obscurity a while a go-water wheels...

For some time I have been a bit confused by the amount of dosh owed by whom to who in this broken Europe.

But now Auntie has come up with a spiffing foreign debt “interactive pie chart” to help out dim gits such as myself. 

It seems that:

Dear old Blighty is in debt to the tune of about 7.3 Trillion Euros.

Germany owes 4.2 Trillion Euros

Le France doesn’t have 4.2 Trillion Euros.

Espana lacks 1.9 Trillion Euros.

Italia needs 2 trillion Euros.

The heart of democracy wants 0.4 Trillion Euros.

Portugal is devoid of 0.4 trillion Euros.

And Ireland lacks 1.7 trillion Euros.

Not as bad as I thought-7,300,000,000 Euros; that works out at about £500 at today’s exchange rate, anyway click on either of the links above and spend a while getting even more confused...

Over in the land above the States

Provincial police are looking for a naked jogger with a beer belly after he was spotted by a female runner Tuesday at about 5 a.m. in Innerkip.

The runner is described as a balding white man in his fifties, six-feet tall, with a moustache.

This isn't the first time the nude jogger has been seen in the area, said police.

Innerkip is about 130 km southwest of Toronto.

No fool like a wrinkled old fool.

Back in the city of “calm down”

A Liverpool dressmaker who shot to fame through TV's My Big Fat Gypsy Wedding has created a gown made entirely from human hair.

Thelma Madine's bizarre creation was made from 250 metres of hair extensions and now has a price tag of more than £50,000.

She worked with Voodou hair salon in Liverpool to create the dress, which took eight dress designers more than 300 hours to complete.

The brain child behind the hairy dress was Voodou stylist Ryan Edwards.

Mr Edwards said: "It's something that we've been thinking about designing for a while as it's just so different.

"I approached Thelma and her team to see if they would be up for doing it and they loved the idea. It took a team of about eight people just over 12 days to make and as you can see, we used a lot of hair!"

Not only does the dress contain 250 metres of hair but tens of thousands of individual hair wefts and different pieces of hair, as well as 1500 crystals and 12 underskirts. It weighs approximately 15 stone.

Hairy couture.

East to place where things glow in the dark

Enter the MXP Calorie Shaper Pants.

For a whopping $32, these shiny boxer briefs purport to aid in the burning of additional calories.

The secret (apparently) lies in their resin coating, which makes them stiff. This added stiffness provides resistance, leading to an increased number of calories burned.

For example, a 140-pound man walking 90 minutes per day can burn upwards of the equivalent of a half litre of beer a week.

 

My underpants are stiff-nothing to do with losing weight though....

And finally:

Back in Blighty and up a fair amount

A former police officer is suing the Lothian and Borders force, claiming a training exercise left her scared of sirens.

Louise McGarva is seeking £500,000, alleging she suffered post-traumatic stress disorder after taking part in a simulated riot that spiralled out of control. She said she had been left with a fear of police cars and sirens after being crushed during the riot training in a former hospital building in West Lothian.

Lawyers for the 35-year-old allege that eight officers were left injured during the exercise after their instructors attacked them with “baseball bats, long batons and martial arts”, using “excessive” force.

Ms McGarva said she repeatedly passed out after being crushed in the melee while an officer giving her medical assistance allegedly told her she had “had it” and was going to die.

The former officer, who retired on grounds of ill-health, said the incident left her suffering from nightmares and flashbacks, as well as depression and panic attacks, and she needed psychological treatment at the Royal Edinburgh Hospital.

 

She should be cured then......

That’s it: I’m orf to have what’s left of my brain chipped. 

And today’s thought on this Sunday: Lord save me from your followers.  

Angus

How U-Turn Cam votes: Larry does his bit: Old farts on tour: Testicle festival: Hanging out in Pompey: and Kids Compo.

‘Tis cold, cloudy and damp at the Castle this morn, it chucked it down last dark thing and after a 14 hour shift the kitchen is empty of other people’s problems.

My mobile rang at 6pm last eve and an Indian accented “lady” asked to speak with Angus Dei which confused me somewhat because he doesn’t exist, but I would like to know how “they” got my phone number.

I see that Brucie has finally gotten his knighthood, the Piss Poor Policy Coalition club of Millionaires is about to do yet another 180, and 250 Jobs are to go at Gloucestershire Hospitals NHS Foundation Trust.

In order-bit late, no surprise, and “we are all in this together”.

Here is the list of U-Turn Cam’s voting preferences in the House of Commons

It does explain quite a lot.

Meanwhile back in Downing Street it appears that at least one resident is actually doing a proper job.

U-turn Cam has announced that Larry the Downing Street cat has made his first kills since being brought in to deal with rats at Number 10.

But the tabby tomcat has not been catching rats, but mice, said the Prime Minister.

Mr Cameron revealed that his historic London townhouse is infested with mice, and that he has even spotted one in the flat he occupies with wife Samantha and their children above 11 Downing Street.

''I'm a big Larry fan,'' the PM told ITV1's This Morning. ''We have got big mouse infestation in Downing Street and Larry has caught some mice.

''I actually took a picture of one in my flat on my mobile phone, because it was looking at me.''

Mr Cameron said he was not scared of mice, but added: ''Rats I'm frightened of, but I haven't seen any of those.''

So why does he keep so many around him in the sideboard?

Across the big wavy thing to the left

It started with a missed exit.

Headed to his daughter's house off West Road, Salomon Gasca, 78, along with his wife, Lorenza Gasca, 73, turned east onto Interstate 10 and kept going.

Three hours later, they knew they had gone too far. But they kept driving.

Salomon Gasca, who doctors say displays the early onset stages of Alzheimer's, suffers from poor eyesight. His wife cannot read. Neither could read the road signs indicating they had crossed several state lines.

Nearly 30 hours after they left their grandson's graduation party and 500 miles past their daughter's house, the Gascas pulled into what they thought was a rest stop.

"We'll be safe here," Salomon Gasca assured his wife. "There's police."

After circling the parking lot for several minutes to get situated for a long night's rest, the Gascas finally attracted the attention of one.

The family suggested that they would limit their parents' driving in the future as well as take precautionary measures to ensure they can be located easily in case of another accident.


How about a harness.....

Up a fair bit

There's quite a deal being offered in DC this weekend, assuming you have the balls to stomach it.

On Saturday night, roughly 500 people are expected to gather at the Arlington chapter of the American Legion for the 7th annual Montana State Society Testicle Festival-- also known as 'Testy Fest.'

This juice frontier delicacy is a special joy for Northwestern folks living inside (or just beyond) the Beltway.

For just $20 ($25 at the door), the festival offers "all the Crown Royal you can drink and all the balls you can eat,” festival organizer Brittany Beauliue says Bull testicles, that is, also known as Rocky Mountain oysters or cowboy caviar.

Festival organizers say the event will have 60 pounds of prepared bull testicles, sliced, fried and peeled to perfection.

Yum, yum....

Back in the bottom bit of Blighty

A group of naked cyclists have ridden through Portsmouth despite protests.

The World Naked Bike Ride, a nationwide protest over car culture and oil dependency, was held in the city for the first time.

Almost 1,000 people signed a petition to try to stop the event, which they described as "indecent" and "offensive".

Naked bike ride organiser Ian Henden said it was "perfectly legal". Police were on duty for the event.

The bike ride had been organised by environmental campaigners as part of World Naked Bike Ride, in which cyclists wore little or no clothes in participating towns and cities across the world.

The route, which was about six miles (9.6km), started at the Canoe Lake, and went through old Portsmouth, the city centre and then back through Southsea.

Section 66 of the Sexual Offences Act 2003 makes it an offence for a person intentionally to expose their genitals where they intend that someone will see them and be caused alarm or distress.

Bit nippy for that sort of thing.....

And finally

Still in the land of “accident” lawyers.

A schoolboy who fell over and cut his knee in a PE class was awarded more than £2,500 compensation and a schoolgirl injured in a game of Frisbee received an £879 payout.

The claims were part of a £57,000 compensation bill footed by Rotherham Council for mishaps and lost property at schools in the borough in the last five years.

A girl who fell down concrete steps on a tricycle got £6,250, another girl who broke her wrist trampolining won £1,092, while one girl who tripped on anti-slip felting was awarded £1,003.

In another case, a schoolboy received £5,750 when he sued a school after being splashed with custard when he was bumped into by a fellow pupil.

Rotherham Council also paid out more than £450 for mobile phones, jewellery, clothes and other items lost at school premises.

I blame the parents.

That’s it: I’m orf to hunt for bugs.

And today’s thought: A lawyer with a briefcase can steal more than a thousand men with guns.

Angus