Showing posts with label laugh. Show all posts
Showing posts with label laugh. Show all posts

Monday 7 December 2009

Gord help us; Ed’s priority; Odd ASBO; Rat diners; Old Cheese; and Towed away.

Dark, damp and dozy this morn, still not sure about the New Site not many “widgets” available and there seems to be a problem with band width, it takes a long time to save sometimes.

But the worst thing is that there is no way to have my Blog list of all the blogs I follow, and I know what a pain it is for readers to change their follow lists to the new address.







And talking of pains I see that Gord has managed to find a way to cut public spending by £12 Billion over the next four years.

After what seems like a lifetime of labour, although it has only been 12 years or so, why is it that ‘prudent’ Gord suddenly finds all this money in savings?

There has been no trimming down of the bloated Government admin creep for over a decade and suddenly it has all become clear to him, it couldn’t be that his first election is coming up can it?










And of course Ed Miliband, one half of the cloned twins has decided that “action on global warming should be a priority”, despite the fact that he isn’t helping much and again after a decade or so of the suspicion that climate change is happening it is suddenly “a priority”, election creep again?








From North of Hadrian’s wall: Stuart Hunt, 46, was charged for allegedly laughing at the teenage daughter of the couple he has had a dispute with for six years.

He claims that the 15-year-old was dancing in the street as he drove past after dropping his two children at school.

Mr Hunt insists that all he did was smile, shake his head and laugh, but that may be enough to land him in court, accused of breaching one of the most unusual Asbos imposed in Scotland.

The interim court order, granted in 2007, imposed a series of restrictions on Mr Hunt, whose dispute with his neighbours Stuart and Shirley Latham dates from a row over speed bumps he placed on the access road they share.

The order prevents him from laughing at people, staring at anyone or slowly clapping his hands at the actions of others.

He is also banned from waving objects at people and adopting a menacing stance.

Mr Hunt, from Drumnadrochit on the banks of Loch Ness, said he was being “systematically criminalised”, adding: “There must be terrorist suspects who have more human rights than I've got here.

“Two police officers turned up at my house and charged me with breaching the Asbo by laughing at the neighbours' daughter. They charged me with laughing specifically, and only with laughing. I couldn't believe it. It's absolutely absurd.

He’s bleedin lucky he can find something to laugh about.









Two stars of the reality TV show "I'm a Celebrity ... Get Me Out of Here" have been charged with animal cruelty after allegedly killing and cooking a rat to eat during filming.

Chef Gino D'Acampo who won the viewer-feedback contest series and actor Stuart Manning were charged after animal welfare activists lodged a complaint about a segment for the British TV program, which was filmed in Australia, the activists and British media reported Sunday.

In a statement to The Associated Press, New South Wales state police said Sunday that two men, aged 33 and 30, were charged with animal cruelty for acts in connection to the program but did not give names or other details.

They have been asked to appear in court to face the charge Feb. 3. The maximum penalty is three years in prison.

D'Acampo is 33 years old and Manning 30.

The show's producer, ITV, confirmed in a statement that "the New South Wales RSPCA is currently looking into an incident in which a rat was killed in the camp."

"The killing of a rat for a performance is not acceptable. The concern is this was done purely for the cameras," David O'Shannessy of the New South Wales RSPCA told the British Broadcasting Corp.

He said producers were normally required to have animal welfare officers on set when animals were used during filming, but in this case it did not take place.

"I'm a Celebrity" strands C-list celebrities in the Australian jungle, subjects them to a series of icky trials involving spiders and snakes, and allows the public to vote them off the show one by one.
Can we have a programme for MPs, maybe it could be called ‘I’m an MP leave me here for ever.’









From over the briny: A 15-year-old cheddar made in Wisconsin, possibly the most mature cheese for sale in the country, is selling well despite the $50-per-pound price tag, its producer said Saturday.


Hook's 15-year Sharp Cheddar, produced in 1994, went up for sale in a handful of outlets on Friday and has proven popular, said cheese maker Tony Hook.

"It started moving a lot faster than we expected," said Hook, 57, who - along with his wife and brother - runs Hook's Cheese Co in Mineral Point, Wisconsin. "People have been so excited about it."

The cheddar began as part of a gigantic batch that weighed 5,200 pounds. The Hooks let much of the batch age, and sold large chunks at the 10- and 12-year marks. But they felt it was aging so flavourfully that they saved 1,200 pounds to let it mature a few years longer, Hook said.

It's rare for cheddar to last that long, said John Umhoefer, the executive director of the Wisconsin Cheese Makers Association.

"Fifteen years is a good stretch of time to hold cheddar - perhaps as long as cheddar can hold for most people's palates," Umhoefer told the Milwaukee Journal Sentinel.
"Making cheddar that ripe, without it turning bitter or acidic, is a rare skill."

Umhoefer said he thought Hook's cheddar could be the oldest available on the market. There may be older cheddars, he said, but those would be in private collections.

The average cheddar fan is probably used to fresher samples. Shredded samples available in grocery stores are probably one to two months old, Hook said.

But anyone who has cleaned mouldy cheese from their refrigerator knows that even well-sealed samples don't keep for long, much less 15 years.

The secret is starting with precisely the right sample, Hook said, a sample that has no "off flavours" and progresses smoothly.

15 years, I’ve got tins of soup older than that.

And finally:









From over the big wet thing again: Tallmadge Township, Mich. Authorities said a man trying to burglarize a southwestern Michigan towing and auto-repair shop got a surprise when he found tow truck drivers inside still on the job.


The Grand Rapids Press reported the Marz Collision Services drivers were drinking coffee around 8 p.m. Friday in Ottawa County's Tallmadge Township when they heard noises in another room.

Owner Bob Marz said a man had just broken a window and was attempting to enter the building. The man took off on foot, and driver Todd Hodges pursued in his wrecker - calling police with his cell phone.

Authorities arrested a 45-year-old Grand Rapids man. He's expected to face burglary charges.

The drivers, who had spent the day pulling cars from snow banks,
Stayed on the job after the arrest.

First rule of burglary-make sure the place is empty.


Angus

AnglishLit

Angus Dei-NHS-THE OTHER SIDE

Angus Dei politico




Friday 28 November 2008

The funny side of life

Enough of being serious today.

From the BBC, in fact all from the BBC-BBC Radio 4 - The News Quiz


Police reveal that a woman arrested for shoplifting had a whole salami in her knickers. When asked why, she said it was because she was missing her Italian boyfriend. (Reuters via The Manchester Evenings News)

Yeah Right,


Irish police are being handicapped in a search for a stolen van, because they cannot issue a description. It's a special branch vehicle, and they don't want the public to know what it looks like. (The Guardian)

I can’t say anything, it’s not PC.


After being charged £20 for a £10 overdraft, 30 year old Michael Howard of Leeds changed his name by deed poll to Yorkshire Bank PLC Are Fascist Bastards. The bank has now asked him to close his account, and Mr. Bastards has asked them to repay the 69p balance, by cheque, made out in his new name. (The Guardian)

A man after my own heart.


Would the congregation please note that the bowl at the back of the church labelled 'for the sick' is for monetary donations only. (Churchtown Parish Magazine)

Well I’m not clearing it up.


6.10pm: Pride and Prejudice. Mr. Bennett's estranged cousin, Mr.Collins, writes to announce his imminent visit to Longbourne - the house he will inherit on Mr.Bennett's death. Mrs. Bennett rallies the residents to stop him setting up a minicab service. (Hampstead and Highgate Express)

Well ahead of his time.


There must, for instance, be something very strange in a man who, if left a lone in a room with a tea cosy, doesn't try it on. (Glasgow Evening News)

Sod PC it must be a Scottish thing.


A young girl who was blown out to sea on a set of inflatable teeth was rescued by a man on an inflatable lobster. A coastguard spokesman commented, "this sort of thing is all too common". (The Times)

Remind me not to go there on holiday.

At the height of the gale, the harbourmaster radioed a coastguard on the spot and asked him to estimate the wind speed. He replied that he was sorry, but he didn't have a gauge. However, if it was any help, the wind had just blown his Land Rover off the cliff. (Aberdeen Evening Express)


If the Land rover weighs over a ton and the man about 12 stone, how many coastguards does it take to tell a porky?

Mrs Irene Graham of Thorpe Avenue, Boscombe, delighted the audience with her reminiscence of the German prisoner of war who was sent each week to do her garden. He was repatriated at the end of 1945, she recalled. "He'd always seemed a nice friendly chap, but when the crocuses came up in the middle of our lawn in February 1946, they spelt out Heil Hitler". (Bournemouth Evening Echo)


He must be working for the Dept of Health now.

Commenting on a complaint from a Mr.Arthur Purdey about a large gas bill, a spokesman for North West gas said "We agree it was rather high for the time of year. It's possible Mr.Purdey has been charged for the gas used up during the explosion that blew his house to pieces." (Bangkok Post)

Just like a Gas Company, full of sympathy.

These aren’t from the BBC.



A woman came home to find her husband in the kitchen shaking frantically, almost in a dancing frenzy, with some kind of wire running from his waist towards the electric kettle. Intending to jolt him away from the deadly current, she whacked him with a handy plank of wood, breaking his arm in two places. Up to that moment, he had been happily listening to his
Walkman.

That’s her story and she is sticking to it.


Two animal rights protesters were protesting at the cruelty of sending pigs to a slaughterhouse in Bonn, Germany. Suddenly, all two thousand pigs broke loose and escaped through a broken fence, stampeding madly. The two hopeless
protesters were trampled to death

It’s true what they say-no good deed goes unpunished.


Iraqi terrorist Khay Rahnaje didn't pay enough postage on a letter bomb. It came back with 'return to sender' stamped on it. Forgetting it was the bomb he opened it and was blown to bits.

Not only stupid but mean as well.


Here are 12 of the finest double-entendres that were aired on British TV & Radio;

1. Pat Glenn, weightlifting commentator - "And this is Gregoriava from Bulgaria. I saw her snatch this morning and it was amazing!"

2. New Zealand Rugby Commentator - "Andrew Mehrtens loves it when Daryl Gibson comes inside of him."

3. Ted Walsh - Horse Racing Commentator - "This is really a lovely horse. I once rode her mother."

4. Harry Carpenter at the Oxford-Cambridge boat race 1977 - "Ah, isn't that nice. The wife of the Cambridge President is kissing the Cox of the Oxford crew."

5. US PGA Commentator - "One of the reasons Arnie (Arnold Palmer) is playing so well is that, before each tee shot, his wife takes out his balls and kisses them ..... Oh my god!!!!! What have I just said?!!!!"

6. Carenza Lewis about finding food in the Middle Ages on 'Time Team Live' said: "You'd eat beaver if you could get it."

7. A female news anchor who, the day after it was supposed to have snowed and didn't, turned to the weatherman and asked, "So Bob, where's that eight inches you promised me last night?" Not only did HE have to leave the set, but half
the crew did too, because they were laughing so hard!

8. Steve Ryder covering the US Masters: "Ballesteros felt much better today after a 69 yesterday."

9. Clair Frisby talking about a jumbo hot dog on Look North said: "There's nothing like a big hot sausage inside you on a cold night like this."

10 Mike Hallett discussing missed snooker shots on Sky Sports: "Stephen Hendry jumps on Steve Davis's misses every chance he gets."

11. Michael Buerk on watching Phillipa Forrester cuddle up to a male astronomer for warmth during BBC1's UK eclipse coverage remarked: They seem cold out there, they're rubbing each other and he's only come in his shorts."

12. Ken Brown commentating on golfer Nick Faldo and his caddie Fanny Sunneson lining-up shots at the Scottish Open: "Some weeks Nick likes to use Fanny, other weeks he prefers to do it by himself."


And if you don’t find any of that funny I give up.

angus