Welsh smack-down: Kidney killer: Ballsy Horse: Human Monkey hybrid and Trump’s follies.

Much lack of cold, negative atmospheric movement, no chance of skywater and dawns crack is magnificent at the castle this morn.

MOT day for the motor, I think I would rather go to for a colonoscopy.

Over in Welsh Wales

The Welsh assembly has backed a bill to remove “reasonable punishment” as a defence to give the same legal protection from physical punishment as adults.

The legislation would mean a parent or guardian could not use the defence if accused of assault or battery against a child.

Battered child; isn’t that Scotland?

Good job they didn’t grow up in the 1950s.

East many- many units of length

A pair of teenage girls were rushed to hospital with kidney damage after a three hour squatting match got out of hand.

Xiao Tang, 19, did over 1000 squats to be crowned champion despite admitting she was ‘not used to exercise’.

She had challenged a friend to the exercise match over video chat and both refused to back down. The duo squatted for two to three hours to see who had the best stamina, before mutually giving in.

But their bid to out-squat each other backfired when they woke up the next day with aching legs and brown urine.

They were diagnosed with rhabdomyolysis, a serious condition caused by skeletal muscle injury.



Dr Bruce Cohen, a medical officer for the FBI, told Live Science getting this condition through extreme exercise is rare. He said squatting isn’t usually dangerous but it was likely the girls exerted themselves well above their physical limits.



No shit, I always knew exercise was dangerous.

Left a lot to the land of the brave and the home of the free

A tourist learned the hard way why it’s important not to ignore local warnings.

A beachgoer in a skimpy swimsuit tried to pet a wild horse at a beach, only to find out why locals advise against it.

As the man touched the animal, it kicked him in the plums.

The incident occurred on Assateague Island, located off the coast of Maryland, The Sun reported. It has not been reported if the man was injured in the incident, although the footage showed him falling to the ground in pain.

The horses on Assateague Island are famous among locals and travellers. It’s unclear how exactly they ended up on the island, but according to local folklore, they landed on Assateague after surviving a shipwreck over 300 years ago.




Makes your eyes water.....

Right to the land of many people

Scientists claim to have created the world's first human-monkey hybrid using groundbreaking scientific techniques.

The human-monkey embryos, in which human cells are added to the monkey embryos, were created by researchers in China.

They hope the breakthrough will eventually create an endless supply of human organs for transplants.

But critics have warned that the scientific development will create "disturbing" dilemmas over the ethics of human-animal hybrids.

WTF is wrong with some of us?



And finally:

Back to the land of tweets

Donald Trump has shown his magnificent grasp of words yet again.


Old ferret hair has caused a splash on Twitter after he tweeted to say he had met the "Prince of Whales".

Mr Trump subsequently deleted his tweet and corrected his error.

Referring to his recent UK state visit, the president initially wrote on Twitter: "I meet and talk to 'foreign governments' every day.

"I just met with the Queen of England (U.K.), the Prince of Whales, the P.M. of the United Kingdom, the P.M. of Ireland, the President of France and the President of Poland.



Other gems from Donald include:

'Extremely stable genius': Trump responds to Pelosi criticism

"Actually, throughout my life, my two greatest assets have been mental stability and being, like, really smart,"

“So great looking and smart, a true Stable Genius!”



Yeah right.... He looks like he is taking a dump, good job the nappy is porous...



That’s it: I’m orf to watch a warped galaxy



And today’s thought: “Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak out and remove all doubt.”– Abraham Lincoln (a real US president)



Angus

Reoriented NHS: Benefits of the EU: Survival hotel: Sexy farming: and a Whale of a field.

Same again at the Castle this morn, sunny, warm and calm, the study is still empty of non functioning thingies, and the garden is beckoning.

I have been testing out the VTEC (Variable Valve Timing and Lift Electronic Control) on the Honda, bought £20 worth of go juice-14.8 litres, and have travelled 140 miles so far-trip to Gatwick and back plus general running around and have discovered that the Civic is doing around 43mph on average, I love it when the “econo” light comes on.....

Which sort of brings me to the half arsed “idea” of Phil Hammond to increase the speed on motorways to 80mph.

On the trip to Gatwick and back I managed to reach seventy for about five minutes, the rest of the time was 50; or 40 when going round a bit of the M25, around town I am lucky to get to 20.

I remember the days when there was no speed limit at all on motorways-sigh.....

Conspiracy theory-raising the speed limit to 80 (if that speed can be attained) will increase fuel consumption by 20% thus pouring extra £billions into the exchequer in tax plus VAT.

Apparently

The NHS will have to "radically reorient" itself away from hospital-based treatment to avoid sleepwalking into a "financial crisis", the head of the NHS Confederation has warned.

Chief executive Mike Farrer warned in an article for the Guardian newspaper that the biggest money problem facing the NHS was the £20 billion of efficiency savings required by 2015.

Either the NHS will maintain standards but go bust while doing so, see standards slip but maintain its finances or manage to keep improving and stay in the black.

The independent membership organisation for all NHS employees fears the NHS will "salami-slice its way out of financial trouble" by using less effective treatment and cutting services as a result of the efficiency savings.

Recent research among NHS workers found over half expected patient access would get worse. Forty-two per cent said they thought their organisation was in its worst financial situation in their experience. 

Lot over overpaid, arrogant whitewashing surgeons will be on the dole then.....

And

The European Commission has threatened to take legal action against Britain if ministers do not water down rules limiting foreigners’ ability to claim benefits.

Ministers fear the move could leave taxpayers handing out as much as £2.5 billion to EU nationals, including out-of-work “benefit tourists”, a new cost that could wreck Coalition plans for welfare reform.

Iain (irritable bowel) Duncan Smith, the Work and Pensions Secretary, says the commission’s move is part of a “wider movement” by the “unelected and unaccountable” European authorities to extend their power over the UK.

Look who’s talking.

Right a bit to the flat land of very tall, very old wacky baccy smoking people

Holidaymakers are now being offered the chance to stay in hotel rooms - made from oil rig survival capsules.

The bright orange pods have undergone an incredible transformation and are now available to visitors to Den Haag, Holland, for about £50 a night.

They have been kitted out with lights, a survival suitcase and sleeping bags and guests can choose between simple hammocks or a normal bed.

Creator Denis Oudendijk even made one with a James Bond theme, which comes complete with silk sheets on the bed, champagne and a vodka martini bar.

The 44-year-old designer stumbled across the pods for sale on the internet while looking for a boat.

He explained: "I was planning to travel over Europe's waters by boat looking for waste to turn in to re-usable objects.

"I was looking for an enclosed boat for me which could function as a house and a research laboratory.

"Then I found the survival capsules on the internet and had the idea for the hotels."

 

Not really a hotel is it; more like a survival caravan site.

A bit further to the right

Organisers of a farming calendar are denying claims they are 'sexing up' the countryside by featuring glamorous models.

The Swiss calendar features a dozen scantily clad models in poses with farmyard animals including sheep, goats, horses and chickens.

But critics have accused organisers of exploitation and say they are shamelessly using sex to sell copies of the 2012 calendar.

However editor Mike Helmy said all of the girl’s featured worked on farms of lived in the Swiss countryside.

"It's sexy but not seedy and the girls really are from the farms and the mountains," he said.

"They're not just pretty models - they're ambassadors for farming."

She can come round and stack my hay anytime she wants....

 And finally: 

Up North

A young whale which died after it beached in the Humber Estuary is probably of a species rarely found stranded on the British coast, conservationists have said.

Experts examining the 33ft (10m) long animal, which died about 875 yards (800m) from the shoreline, say they are 95% sure it is a female sei whale.

The animal was trapped in shallow water near the East Yorkshire village of Skeffling, on the north bank of the River Humber.

Andy Gibson, of the Yorkshire Wildlife Trust, said Sei whale strandings were very rare.

He said there had only been three strandings of this species in UK waters in the last 20 years.

''It is sad. It was in shallow water of about 1.2m (4ft) to 1.6m (5.25ft), making contact with the bottom,'' Mr Gibson said.

 

Very sad....but how did it get into the middle of a field?

That’s it: I’m orf to watch red footed tortoises yawning. 

And today’s thought: Exercise is a dirty word. Every time I hear it, I wash my mouth out with chocolate.

Angus

Mobile Numpty: Drum Solo Shooter; Russian penis; Cool Cat and Turn it Down Madge

Won’t even try to describe the weather this morn, mainly because I can’t see, but I know it is there, waiting....






Couple of computer items today, the first is that Microsoft may be on the verge of vanishing up its own operating system if Windows 7 fails, and users migrate to “cloud” computers where the OS is on a remote server not on your desktop or laptop.

As Bob D sang “the hard rain is gonna fall”


The second is the scareware scam Symantec say more than 40 million people have fallen victim to the "scareware" scam in the past 12 months.

The download is usually harmful and criminals can get the victim's credit card details into the bargain.

The firm has identified 250 versions of scareware, and criminals are thought to earn over £750,000 a year.

During the scam, warnings pop up on the computer screen telling users their computer has a virus, and directing them to a website where they can download protection for up to £60.

It is becoming so popular that the rogue software has even been franchised out.

Because the individual amounts of money stolen are so small, the scam is hard for police and other agencies to target.

I have seen this a few times, all you need to do is click on the red cross at the top right of the pop up and it will go away, if it doesn’t keep clicking until it does.

You have been warned.



First up:

From down under

So there was this guy in Melbourne, using two mobile phones while driving through the city's Eastlink Tunnel.

Victoria Police says officers in one of its unmarked cars noticed the man's vehicle swerving through the 1.6 kilometre-long tunnel.

The man told them that he was transferring information from one phone to the other and that he had one finger on the steering wheel.


Banned Numpty.

From over the Pond

San Antonio police are investigating the wounding of a man after his elderly father allegedly opened fire when the victim refused to stop drumming. Police said the son, in his 50s, suffered a non-life threatening head wound early Friday while at the home the men share. Police said his 83-year-old father was detained on an aggravated assault charge.

Police said the son, who was grazed in the head, ran down the block to call for help.

Who does he think he is Phil Collins?

Russian Dick Heads

A Russian armoured-car builder is boasting that its latest vehicle has seats covered with “whale-penis leather”.

The €1 million (NZ$2 million) Dartz Prombron Monaco Red Diamond Edition armoured car has been developed by the same company, RussoBaltique, that built armoured vehicles for Tsar Nicholas, Vladimir Lenin and Leon Trotsky.

On its official website, the company says the whale-penis leather is the same as that used by Greek shipping magnate Aristotle Onassis on the yacht Christina O.

Onassis is rumoured to have had some of the barstools on the yacht, the world’s most expensive at the time, covered in the controversial leather.

The leather is not the only tacky accessory on the Prombron, which Dartz claims is the world’s most expensive SUV.

The bulletproof windows are gold-plated, the exhaust is made of tungsten, the gauges are encrusted with diamonds and rubies and the exterior has a Kevlar coating.

The car also comes with three bottles of the world’s most expensive Vodka, RussoBaltique, although the website does warn prospective buyers not to drink and drive.

The vehicle is being specially prepared for the ultra-exclusive Top Marques luxury motor show in Monaco next year.

Dartz’s armoured vehicles weigh roughly 4 tonnes, are powered by V8s putting out between 300kW and 400kW and are “rocket grenade-proof” according to the website.

For those wondering just how many whales may need to be harvested to outfit the special edition, the answer is not many. The penis of the Blue Whale, for example, can grow up to 2.4 metres.

Oddly enough I have written a little ditty on this subject-The Whale which puts my point of view.

Krillen thaws out

From down under and right a bit.

A south Waikato family's cat has survived 19 hours in a freezer.

The cat, Krillen, was found by owner Sarah Crombie, 27, lying stiff and semi-conscious on a bag of dog food when she went to get a loaf of bread out of the freezer.

"I was looking in there and I heard this funny noise," the Te Kuiti mother-of-two told the Herald on Sunday.

"It was sort of a 'miaow' but he was so half-frozen he couldn't get the noise out properly, poor thing. So I look down and I see this grey fluffy thing sitting on top of the bag of dog food under a rack."

Her partner Sid Sisson had shut the top-loading freezer the night before, not realising the cat was inside.

Fortunately, Mr Sisson, 28, knew it was essential to raise the body temperature of hypothermia sufferers slowly. So he put the cat under his shirt and got into bed with him.

The dairy farmer kept Krillen under blankets and against his bare chest for three hours until he thawed out.

Dr Nick Cave, senior lecturer at Massey University's Veterinary Teaching Hospital, said the cat's survival was impressive and probably down to Mr Sisson warming him up slowly.

Cheaper than Beef I suppose.

And finally:

Good neighbour Madge-not

One of Madonna's New York neighbours says the superstar's loud music and frequent dance sessions are causing a commotion.

Karen George, of Manhattan, lives above Madonna in a building on Central Park.

She said in a lawsuit filed Friday against the building's co-op board that the Material Girl is using her apartment as a rehearsal studio, forcing neighbours to endure "blaring music, stomping and shaking walls," for up to three hours each day.

George complained about "unreasonably high-decibel, amplified music" and vibrations pouring through walls, ceilings and radiators.

Madonna's representatives didn't immediately respond to a request for comment.

The building's board says it has already threatened to evict Madonna.

Maybe another trip to Africa is called for; she probably needs a bigger family to get a bigger place.


Angus

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