Standards of EU existence: Tone and the Poles: EU child benefits: Tatler Bollocks: “In Vitro” Meat: Going dahn in China: and Power Gnomes.

Medium amounts of skywater, middling atmospheric movement, minimal lack of warm and the threat of solar stuff at the Castle this morn, his Maj seems to be well on the way to being well, the butler is out scouting for fat, carbon neutral teenagers and I am orf dahn the tahn to get some things.

 

According to Pimco chief Mohamed El-Erian

Broke Blighty risks seeing its standard of living hit if it leaves the European Union, the Pimco top knob reckons that beyond 2017, Poland rather than the UK will be among the three largest economies defining the scale and scope of European regional integration. “Let’s hope that he also has a Plan B that would limit the potential downside to Britain’s standard of living.”

Pimco is among the world’s most influential investment funds, managing assets worth nearly $2 trillion (£1.3 trillion). Andrew Balls – brother to shadow chancellor Ed Balls – is an executive in Pimco’s European unit.

Mr El-Erian said that while the promise of an in-out EU referendum was likely to “score some internal political points” it risked “some reduction in the country’s growth”.

 

Oh har fucking har, what growth, what standard of living, what a plonker...

 

And talking of the land of plumbers, builders and bathroom fitters

Ex Prime Monster Tone (I have run out of walnut varnish) Bliar has been given an award by businessmen in Poland to thank him for opening up the UK to Polish workers.

Tone was given the award at the annual Polish Business Leaders' Awards in Warsaw.

But he didn’t even “bovver” to turn up to attend the ceremony and his award was accepted on his behalf by Robin Barnett, Britain’s ambassador in Poland.

Bliar was given the award for backing the country’s efforts to join the EU and well as opening up the British labour market to the country in 2004.

A message of thanks featuring was reportedly screened at the ceremony in which the former prime monster said he has “a lot of admiration for Poland and the Polish people”.

 

Old coat hanger gob will probably have it on EBay by Thursday...

 

And even more “news” from one of the three future largest economies

 

 

 

 

Allegedly Poland is home to the highest number of children in the EU and beyond who are receiving benefits claimed in Britain with– 25,659 – receiving welfare.

Just under 30,000 families with 50,000 children are claiming child benefits and tax credit for offspring who live outside the country but within the EU, as well as Iceland, Liechtenstein and Norway.

Parents can claim child benefits of £20.30 a week for their eldest child and £13.40 a week for each of their other children, while child tax credit is worth at least £545 a year.

Treasury minister Sajid Javid said: ‘The main purpose of child benefit and the child tax credit is to support families in the UK. Consequently, the rules for these benefits generally do not provide for them to be paid in respect of children who live abroad.’

He said Britain was forced to pay out the sums to children living overseas under a European regulation which protects the social security rights of nationals of all EEA member states.

The data will add to concerns about the impact of an expected wave of immigration from Romania and Bulgaria when temporary controls lapse at the end of the year.

 

That’s something to look forward to....isn’t it?

 

According to “Tatler”

The Duckess of Cambridge’s dog has been voted the 50th most fascinating person in Britain.

The pet cocker spaniel was awarded the accolade by Tatler magazine, which compiled the honours from the most searched individuals on its online ‘Tatler List’ of notable figures.

Owner Kate was placed seventh in the list while the Duck of Cambridge Prince William came in at 16th.

Her old Maj was the highest ranking royal, Kate’s sister Pippa Middleton was placed fourth in the list, second out of the royals, while Prince Harry was awarded sixth place.

Other members of the Royal Family who made it onto the prestigious list include Princesses Eugenie and Beatrice, ranked ninth and 15th respectively, and Prince Philip who was voted in at number 36.

Sports presenter Clare Balding was voted the most fascinating person in Britain in the list, which will be published in Tatler on Friday.

 

Can’t wait for that....

 

Allegedly there is a $1 million prize for those who can concoct fake meat

People like to eat meat despite the “personal health impact of frequent meat consumption, such as heart disease, obesity and cancer, or even the welfare of animals”.

But now there may be a solution: - scientists may have come up with artificial meat. Also known as ‘in vitro’ or ‘cultured meat’ and occasionally as ‘Franken-meat’, biological researchers are trying to find ways to make this “desirable” food product sustainably in laboratories.

The People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals (Peta), who have put up hefty cash reward to anyone who can successfully produce and bring to market in vitro chicken.

They have offered a $1m (£630,000) reward to the fist scientist to come up with in vitro meat. They launched the incentive in 2008 and the deadline has just been extended to June this year.

According to “someone” ‘We’re running out of water, land and time and our health budgets for meat-related diseases are through the roof. What a dream come true if you can give them meat without cruelty, environmental damage and clean as a whistle.’

 

Oh num fucking num, meat that isn’t.

 

East to the land of big holes

 

An entire building complex in China's southern Guangdong province has gorn dahn a sinkhole, the group of buildings was totally swallowed by the hole which appeared near the construction site of a new underground train station in Guangzhou, one of China's biggest cities.

The first building collapsed at 1620 local time (0820 GMT). The other three buildings then fell into the ten metre hole later that evening, according to China state television CCTV.

Around 300 residents from the surrounding area had to be evacuated and nearby roads were closed off.

No one was injured in the incident and an investigation was launched into what caused the hole to appear.  

“Near the construction site of a new underground train station” I wonder......

 

And finally:

 

West to the home of non-small people and the land of power

Small paintings of gnomes that have popped up on utility poles have become a community sensation in Oakland, prompting Pacific Gas & Electric Co. to say Tuesday that it will keep them in place for now.

The hand-painted portraits on 6-inch blocks of wood began going up last year in an apparent effort to brighten up the blue-collar California city. There are currently more than 2,000 of the images on utility poles, with many screwed to the bases.

The gnomes have red hats, white beards and brown shoes. Some of the images contain a mushroom.

Word that PG&E planned to remove the paintings sparked an outpouring of support from residents who said the gnomes add character to the city.

PG&E spokesman Jason King planned to meet Tuesday with the artist, who requested to remain anonymous, and a member of the City Council. The utility hopes to eventually relocate the gnome paintings from the poles to other spots in the same neighbourhoods.

"We've received a lot of feedback from residents who love the gnomes," King told The Associated Press. "We're looking for solutions. We'll keep them where people can enjoy them."

King said PG&E did not want to encourage such installations, explaining a proliferation of such images could cause damage or make it difficult for crews to access the poles.

Magnanimous of them.... 

That’s it: I’m orf to have a quantum sniff

 

Today’s thought:

Polish plumber

 

 

And today’s mellow melody-eventually.

 

 

Angus

Mali marauder: Go Debt goes over the top: £150 Bacon butty: 15 Women and Jesus: Bad investment: Herr Boobs: and The Kitchen Thing.

Massive amounts of lack of warm, monumental amounts of atmospheric movement, more than enough skywater and miserly amounts of solar stuff at the Castle this morn, you may be pleased to know that my “mellow” period is now over and all is back to “normal” or not.

 

His Maj had a bit of a relapse over the weekend and I had to take him back to the nice Vet chap yestermorn who gave him another “once over” jabbed him with some anti inflammatories and antibiotics and shoved the equivalent of a broom handle up his rear exit (his Maj not the nice Vet chap), and sent us away with some bug killer that I have to “administer” either into his Maj’s mouth or on his food.

 I do like an optimist, but the snuffling is getting better and his Maj isn’t doing too badly either.

 

Allegedly the Prime Monster is all for giving the French even more of a helping hand in Mali

U-turn Cam has assured Francois Hollande, the French president, that he “fully” supports his government’s attempt to oust Islamist militants in the North African state.

An “official spokesman” indicated that the UK could now send more military assets to Mali.

Apparently “we” are ready to offer logistical, intelligence and surveillance help to France, as well as troops for a proposed EU mission to train the Malian army - although he has ruled out a combat role for British personnel.

Downing Street reiterated that no UK troops will be put into a combat role in Mali.

 

That’s nice: it must be recompense for all the help the French gave us in the Falklands.....

 

Dahn ‘ere in ‘Ampshire

Widow Brenda Caines, from Warsash was chased for a £97,000 debt which had grown from a £3,600 car loan originally taken out by her late husband.

Phil Caines started an agreement in 2004 for a 1998 Vauxhall Vectra with Yes Car Credit; returning the car when he fell behind on repayments.

Yes Car Credit closed and the debt was transferred to a purchasing company.

Shortly afterwards, Mrs Caines remortgaged her home to pay for a new kitchen and added her husband's name to the deeds.

She was unaware he was in financial difficulty and about to be declared bankrupt.

Mr Caines died suddenly in 2009 and his debt was transferred to his wife.

Go Debt, who bought the debt from the Yes Car Credit and began pursuing Mrs Caines for the money.

By this time, solicitor and trustee fees had seen the debt grow to £97,000.

The BBC's Inside Out programme took Mrs Caines' case to consumer lawyers who, following months of negotiations, managed to save her home.

Solicitor Dean Dunham said: "a £97,000 fee on a £6,000 bankruptcy is not right”.

Mr Dunham has also managed to reduce her debt to £20,000, including trustee fees of £10,000.

In a statement, the trustee's office said: "Since being appointed in June 2010, the trustee has taken every step to fulfil his statutory duties as sensitively as possible.

 

Go Debt declined to comment-now there’s a surprise, no wonder Blighty is such a shit hole....

 

But if you are not being chased by the “financial sector”

You could throw caution to the wind and treat yourself to a nice bacon butty at the miserly cost of 150 squids, Made from rare breed bacon topped with black truffle, it is finished with saffron and a dusting of real gold on the bun.

The snazzy snack – dubbed Bacon Bling – was created by restaurateur Paul Phillips, 41.

He got the idea from TV shows about pimped-up street food in the US, where a New York restaurant sold a hamburger for £2,839.

“I’ve never seen a bacon butty on these shows so I decided to make one,” he said.

Now he hopes he will get into Guinness World Records with the super sarnie, which is on the menu at Tangberry’s in Cheltenham, Glos – with proceeds going to charity.

 

Piggin expensive though.....

 

West to the home of God and the land of robbers

 

 

15 women gathered at Jacquie Hagler’s house for a jewellery party when a gun wielding “intruder” burst in, "It's only a water gun," one attendee reportedly said, while brushing away the firearm allegedly brandished by Derick Lee, who entered the home wearing a ski mask and bandana across his face.

Witnesses say Lee then held the gun to the woman’s head and announced, "I'm not joking, I'm going to shoot someone, give me your money." He even showed the women some of the bullets loaded into his gun before they could be convinced the robbery attempt was real.

And the bible bashing ladies response:

"When I realized what was going on, I stood up and said, 'In the name of Jesus, get out of my house now,'” Hagler told WJXT-TV. And he said, 'I'm going to shoot someone.' And I said it again, real boldly," Hagler continued. "Everybody started chanting, 'Jesus, Jesus, Jesus,' and he did a quick scan of the room, and ran out the door as fast as he could go."

Lee, 24, was arrested Friday night at his home and identified by several of the jewellery party attendees during a police photo line-up. He’s currently being held on a $200,000 bond.

 

Don’t mess with the “word” especially when there are fifteen women chanting it.

 

Dahn in Dorset

Karl Baxter snapped up a bargain batch of 10,000 DVDs about one of the world’s most famous sportsmen hoping for nice profit.

Unfortunately he is facing a £10,000 loss on the deal – because the star he planned to cash in on was shamed cyclist Lance Armstrong.

Karl, 36, has been unable to sell a single DVD since the American confessed he used drugs to win his seven Tour de France titles.

Having bought the DVDs for £1 each wholesale, he hoped to sell them for £3. Now he has slashed the asking price to 30p, which would still leave him £7,000 out of pocket.

Karl said ““I bought them at a good price for about £1 each about four months ago”.

“The idea was to sell them in small job lots of 100 for about £3 each, so traders could go on eBay, Amazon, or car boot sales and sell them on. There was a slight amount of risk and a gamble because there was a suspicion, but he wasn’t admitting to it, so I put them on the website last week.”

The Science of Lance Armstrong, made in 2006 by the Discovery Channel, tells how Armstrong’s “winning strategies” were developed and looks at technology cyclists can use to help them go faster.

 

Especially the kind of “technology” that comes in tablet form.....

 

East to the land of odd office carpets

Members of an elite German military Guards battalion have been presenting to the doctor with an unusual problem: man boobs.

Dozens of soldiers in the Wachbataillon unit are said to be suffering from gynecomastia, on the left side only, reports the German Herald.

The problem is said to be caused in this case by the repetitive slamming of heavy rifles into the soldiers’ chests during drills.

The action stimulates glands to produce hormones which lead to growth of breast tissue. A positive diagnosis of gynecomastia has been made in 74 per cent of cases where battalion members presented with concerns.

Director of plastic surgery at the military hospital in Berlin, Professor Bjorn Krapohl, confirmed: "There is a very significant link between the activity in the Guard Battalion and the development of the breast on the left side.

"They need to change the way they drill. The constant slamming of the rifles against the left hand side of the chest is clearly a significant factor," he added.

Army officials are investigating and say they will modify the drills if necessary.

 

Or they could invent half a bra for the Herr boobs.

 

And finally:

 

From somewhere in the world

Comes the essential gadget for your culinary space-the Kitchen “thing”.

 

 

That’s it I’m orf to check out my Twatter page-just in case

 

Today’s thought:

Bacon rules

 

 

And today’s mellow melody:

 

 

Angus