And so-is this Christmas? Manopause part 2: Brexit-again: Russian river rat burgers: Knob of a robber: Frozen pussy and Spot the sheep.

Just a glimpse of dawns crack, total absence of atmospheric movement, quite a lot of lack of warm and molecules of skywater at the castle this Crimbo eve morn.

Went to Tesco yestermorn on the stale bread, gruel and His Maj’s food run, as it is apparently yet another Crimbo I thought I would get dahn there early-6.30 of the AM, what a bloody mistake that was, the place was heaving, had to park the Peugeot miles from the entrance there were hardly any trolleys left and it was even worse inside.

What is it that prompts “us” to totally lose control of our minds at this time of the year? There were umpteen pairs of “shoppers” staggering around with a trolley each piled to the gunnels with stuff that will not be consumed, screaming snot nosed brats demanding this, that and anything within reach of their podgy little arms, and the checkouts- all ten out of thirty were backed up to the dairy section with the flash of credit cards blinding those in the queues..

Could “we” not be a little more sensible?

The Manopause is still in motion, had two “treatments” so far, the first was a massive jab in the right buttock which managed to sting for two weeks and wore orf after a week, the second was half a massive jab in each arse cheek (because apparently the dose is too high for one jab)  four weeks later which hasn’t even kicked in yet but has managed to raise my blood sugar levels to stratospheric numerals.

The next treatment is on the 16^th January, really looking forward to that.....

Terry leather legs Maybe

Meanwhile the new Prime Monster Terry leather legs Maybe has issued her first Crimbo speech, and has urged Britain to "unite and move forward" after the Brexit vote.

Methinks Maybe is holding orf until the EU Elections are sorted because it “maybe” that many more countries are just as pissed orf at the EU as we are.

Time will tell......

East to the land of Trump’s mates

I know that times are hard in Russia but Moscow's latest food craze appears to have scurried straight from the river bed onto diners' plates. It's a burger made of rodent meat.

A chef at a Russian bistro said the burger is simple, tasty and full of nutrients.

It is made from the meat of a "nutria", or river rat.

Burgers made from its meat look like most hamburgers.

They have become the latest must-have dish in the Russian capital.

The chef said the rodent's meat has nutritional benefits that have recently been discovered.

He insists the river rodent is not actually a rat.

The U.S. Agriculture Department describes the nutria as a two-foot long, invasive rodent.

The nutria burger sells at the Moscow restaurant for the equivalent of about $8.50 in U.S. dollars.



Rather them than me......

West a lot to California

An armed robber walked into the Lotions & Lace store in San Bernadino with a covered face and what appeared to be a gun, shortly before closing time on Wednesday.

Store manager Amy said she wasn’t scared, and was convinced the gun was a fake – and she was having none of it.

CCTV captured the moment the armed robber was hit with a hail of dildos:

‘I just thought he was trying to be funny, to scare us,’ Amy told ABC.

‘But then I saw the gun and it was like, really? I don’t have time for this.’

She and another equally feisty employee began yelling and pelting dildos at the man, who fled the store empty-handed in a state of shock.

What a dick....

East again

A cat in Russia will be counting her lucky stars after being rescued from a freezing puddle.

The fluffy feline somehow managed to trap her paws in an icy puddle and panicked when she could not escape.

Luckily for her, a passing couple came to her aid – although her frozen fur suggests she had been stuck in the puddle for quite some time.

A bucket of warm water soon freed the shivering cat who remained calm throughout.

The lucky moggy was probably grateful she was rescued in time and didn’t have to give up one of her precious nine lives.

Why are cats so daft?

And finally:

Nowhere in particular

As its Crimbo here is a festive puzzle.

The answer is in the link.

That’s it: I’m orf to plug the Crimbo lights into the Solent

And today’s thought: Happy thingamy to all and sundryJ and a much better 2017....

Angus

Stop your bloody moaning: Brown Bum: slimy German: and Oh Sssssshit....

Vast amounts of residual skywater, not a glimpse of dawns crack, a touch of atmospheric movement and a mixture of lack of cold and hot at the castle this morn. 

 

Since just over half of Brits decided to give the EU the soldiers farewell “they” have not stopped moaning, “they” being the 27 remaining countries who are pissed orf because a) Germany and France will have to take up the slack and pay more into the bottomless well known as the European coffers or b) the other 25 countries will have to take less money than they think they deserve.

 

“They” are also that very annoying Scottish “bird” Nicola Sturgeon who seems to have got her panties in such a twist that her voice has raised half an octave over the fact that Scotland apparently voted to remain and has been whingeing and brown nosing around Europe in an effort to get special dispensation for said Norf country.

Unfortunately both France and Spain have said they oppose Scotland negotiating separately from the rest of the UK to stay in the EU. 

So unless she can persuade Parliament to let them have a second “freedom” referendum, win that and then apply to the EU to join she is to use the vernacular-stuffed.

 

Meanwhile across the Irish Sea

 

“They” includes that annoying Northern Irish “bloke” Martin McGuinness who is moaning on about "I believe that the mandate that we got during the course of the referendum to remain puts us in a very special place,"

See above Martin.

 

“They” also include the Bremain MPs who cannot seem to fathom that they asked the electorate a question and got an answer.

 So come on you lot, accept the truth, we are going, stop your bloody moaning and get over it, we won you lost. Nah nah nah nah nah.....

 

East to the land that used to be a pain in the arse (and still is)

 

People in a Novosibirsk, Russia, neighbourhood say police have done nothing about a woman who sunbathes by hanging her legs and exposed bum out of a second-story window every day, for hours at a time.

Locals say they are concerned the skin show is visible to children, but police have yet to stop her from her near daily routine.

 

Anal neighbours?

 

Left a bit to the land of Merkel

 

 

German police say a driver lost control of his car after slipping on a slimy trail left by a procession of snails that were making their way across the highway.

The car -- an old East German Trabant -- flipped over and was wrecked, but the driver was unhurt.

Police said the incident happened early Wednesday near Paderborn, about 350 kilometres (220 miles) west of Berlin.

 

Surprised it got that far......

 

And finally:

 

Right a lot to the land that Gary Glitter isn’t allowed in anymore

 

 

A man in Thailand suffered huge blood loss after a python sank its fangs into his penis while he was sitting on the toilet.

Atthaporn Boonmakchuay tried desperately to break free after the huge snake attacked in the bathroom of his home in Chachoengsao, east of the capital Bangkok.

The 38-year-old reportedly reached down with his hand after feeling a sharp bite - only to discover the serpent's jaws clamped around the tip of his penis.

Atthaporn screamed out for his wife as he thrashed around trying to dislodge the 11ft python.

Moments before collapsing, he managed to tie rope around the snake's head and tie it to the bathroom door.


Note to self: place large amount of rope in the bathroom.



That’s it: I’m orf to mine some helium

 

And today’s thought:



"Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the universe."
~ Albert Einstein ~

 

Angus

YES, YES, YES, YES, YES.

 

 

Dawns crack is about as wide as a wide thing can be, much solar stuff, remnants of skywater and not a lot of atmospheric movement at the castle this independent morn. 

It seems that Blighty is on the road to freedom, the great British (just over half anyway) public has expressed its hatred of the EUnuchs in Brussels and decided to go our own way.

Damn Cam has decided to throw his toys out of his Rolls Royce pram and bugger orf in October reinforcing the idea that he is a gutless Twat who hasn’t got the gonads to take it on the chin and soldier on.

Meanwhile alien reptile in disguise and chancer at the exchequer George I fucked up completely Osborn has it seems jumped into his space ship and gorn home to planet screw you I’m alright.

 

It may take years to sort out but it will be worth it, ignore the financial markets, the knobs that “run” them are only in it for the money not to help the people.

Now that most of us have told the Tories that we do not trust them and the Prime Monster is deserting I think it may well be time for a general election, and if as many people vote in that who voted in the referendum we may well get the government we deserve not the one we got for 30% of the electorate.

Just to kick things orf I am going to start a collection to pay for bricks to close orf the Chunnel.

 

And today’s thought: 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Angus

 

 

In-out-in-out and what’s this religion thing all about?

Much solar stuff, nary a whimsy of atmospheric movement, quite a lot of lack of cold and not a sign of skywater at the Castle this morn.

The moss has been mown, the weedy bits have been weeded, the hedgy bits have been looked at and stuff is growing faster than a fast thing can grow.

 

Is it just me or is this EU thingy really, really annoying, according to the Bremain lot we will suffer  world war, pestilence, boils, frogs, a crippled economy, a decade of austerity and  £4000-ish will be lost to every household if we leave.

And if we stay all will be well, immigration will reduce to a couple of people a year, the sun will always shine, it will only rain at night, every person in Blighty will be better orf, we will not have to accept any more EU laws, trade will be stonking, we will be left alone to govern ourselves and the second coming will ensue. 

On the other side, if we leave we will be able to make our own laws, immigration will fall to a couple of people a year, the sun will always shine, it will only rain at night, every person in Blighty will be better orf, we will not have to accept any more EU laws, trade will be stonking, we will be left alone to govern ourselves and the second coming will ensue. 

I suppose it all comes dahn to personal choices, we all know that politicians lie, cheat and try their hardest to fool us into believing them so that they can keep their jobs but more importantly (to them) their power. 

If we stay “they” will still get their jaunts to exotic places like Berlin, Brussels, India, China and America, if we leave they will still get their jaunts to exotic places like Berlin, Brussels, India, China and America. 

So what is the difference-buggered if I know, to be honest at my age-64 ¾ it doesn’t make much difference, personally I will vote to leave, I want to be able to go dahn the town and understand what everybody is saying, I want to know that housing is available for the young people, I want to know that there are jobs available for those that want them, I want to know that I can go where I want when I want and not be blown up by some bleeding religious lunatic with a bomb strapped to his plums.

I don’t want the people of Blighty to be absorbed into the mish mash of Europe to become some clone and lose our Blightyness we have a proud history (some of it anyway) we are known for our tolerance and good sense (some of it anyway) we are not “European” we live on an island which is quite full of people. We are innovators and inventors and are unique in the world, let’s keep it that way.

I suppose I just want my country back...

 

And talking of other religions

 

What the hell is that all about?

 

Apparently if there is a God there isn’t just one, so we have Gods who tell their followers different things, and everyone is at odds with everyone else and grudges are not easily forgiven.

Some followers are convinced that if we sin we will go to purgatory unless we admit our sins, some think that the crusades some 900 to 1100 years ago is a good reason to explode innocent people into small pieces (including their own followers), some think that they have been hard done by for millennia and have the right to revenge by annexing other peoples land.

Some think that all life is sacred and won’t even step on an ant (I like that one except for spiders).

And some believe in other things.

What we believe is of course up to us but what really pisses me orf is those that want to impose their religion on others, that seem to think if they are not followers of their God they should die or be invaded or absorbed into their beliefs.

If you live in Blighty say and believe in some prophet who says that their religion is the only one and can’t accept the British way of life then bugger orf to a land that supports your religion, so that you can stone people or behead them or cut their hands orf or whatever else is allowed in your religion. 

I make this point: all “holy” writings are written by man for man in order for the “upper lot” to control the lower lot, religion as in all things is about power and control, if God or a God had actually written a text to follow then there would only be one religion and we would all believe and follow the rules but God didn’t and human nature is to suspect those that have other ideals and think that they are right and everyone else is to be conquered.

 Well that’s what I think anyway... 

And today’s thought: What you are is what you have been. What you’ll be is what you do now.” Buddha

Angus

No Surprises There Then:

Much lack of warm, oodles of sky water, more than a bit of atmospheric movement and not a glimpse of Dawns crack at the castle this morn.

It has been many moons since I put finger to keyboard, bits have dropped orf and been replaced, other bits have broken and been fixed, but poor old Angus is now up and “running” on seven out of eight cylinders.

His Maj is just as batty as ever, but has grown into a big, friendly, playful boy.

The butler is still refusing to “do” outside and the garden is waking up from its winter sleep.

Finally upgraded to Windows 10, with the help of “classic shell” I have managed to make it look like windows 7-win, win.

 

Many, many things have happened just lately, apparently “They” (otherwise known as the rich) have been hiding their stash abroad without telling the taxman, Prime Monster Damn “Dave” blames his dad, and is trying to scare us out of leaving the EU.

Not working is it Dave....

 

Son of a B.....aronet and alien reptile in disguise chancer at the exchequer George (where is Panama?) Osbourne has jumped on the Bremain band wagon and is threatening interest rate rises if we dump Europe.

 

Or maybe not......

 

Meanwhile old fart Jezza Corbyn who is also in the Bremain camp (this time anyway) was fined for sending in his tax return late.

 

                                                      Left across the big salty thing

 

A “Tiger whisperer has been mauled to death Malayan tiger inside its habitat, Stacey Konwiser, 38, suffered a "severe bite" wound while inside the big cat's habitat on Friday afternoon, say zoo officials.

She was performing basic tasks with the male Malayan tiger at the time, said zoo spokeswoman Naki Carter.

 

                                                          Dahn Unda and right a bit

 

 

Apparently those attached to the Victorian mode of transport have finally emerged into the nineteenth century-electric bikes.

With 2327 imported last year, they were 1 per cent of all bike imports, but this marked a near four-fold increase since 2012. Retailers report sales growth of 35 per cent a year.

Importer and retailer Neil Pollett, owner of Flux, in Ponsonby, says the "grey-power" age group were first to embrace e-bikes, but the trend had caught on with people in their 30s to 50s, and even younger.

New Zealand Post has 280 e-bikes and 25 more on order, a spokeswoman said. "The New Lynn, Rotorua, Kapiti and Timaru branches are all using e-bikes, plus we have a sprinkling of others around the country. The e-bikes are good on hills and on the flat.

 

And finally:

 

                                               Apparently the “new” Papa is a catholic

 

 

Better than being a Nazi I suppose.

 

That’s it: I’m orf to cancel my trip to India

 

And today’s thought:

It is terrible to speak well and be wrong. -Sophocles 

Angus

Well...: Crotch-less Dahn Unda: Portland Posers: Taking the piss in Miami: Canadian Dildo: and Missing money in OZ.

Not a hint of skywater, even less atmospheric movement, more than enough lack of cold and Dawn's crack stretches from East to West at the Castle this morn.

 

Well, another 21 light and dark things have passed since the last post, not a lot has been going on in bollixed Blighty, Niggle Garage did his thing and scooped up a few more seats in the Eurowaste Parliament, and didn't do his thing in the by election Norf of Watford, no surprises there then.

It's not that I don't like old Niggle (but I don't) it's that apart from getting out of the EU his "party" doesn't seem to have any other policies which worries me more than a tad.

Next year will sort it out.....

 

The garden is doing loads of things; there's blue stuff, red stuff, mauve stuff, white stuff and loads of other stuff bursting out, the moss is mown and the deck/recliner/rocker is out ready for a bit of vitamin D absorption and I have even got the shorts out.

 

After yet another holiday the Piss Poor Policies Millionaires Club Coalition has returned to the Palace of Westminster for a while and the bickering continues.

 

Dahn Unda

 

Allegedly A shop manager was pelted with sex toys by an intruder wearing a wig and crotch-less pants in an Australian erotica store stick-up, police said.

The man forced his way into the Brisbane adult shop through the roof just before 5:30 am on Saturday, setting off the alarm.

"Upon being disturbed the man threw a number of items he was attempting to steal out of his hands and proceeded to climb back through the roof," police said in a statement.

"Police located the man climbing down from the roof of the business."

According to local media reports, the intruder was wearing a wig, crotch-less pants and a dress.

He was charged with breaking and entering and drug possession offences.

Seems he didn't know if he was coming or going........

 

Right quite a lot and up just as much

Thousands of bicyclists, many of them stark naked, poured into the streets of Portland, Oregon last night for the 11th annual World Naked Bike Ride, a protest that promotes bike riding as an alternative to driving cars.

Nude cyclists with lights flashing in their tyre spokes rang bells as they barrelled down avenues lined with cheering spectators, while a naked, apparently pregnant woman rode in a bike trailer.

“This is a party, but it’s also a protest,” said Carl Larson, a ride spokesman. 

“It is about oil dependence, cycling vulnerability and body” image.

Jennifer Young, 40, who was at the ride with her 16-year-old son and was painted blue head to toe with fairy wings on her back, saw the goal as showing cyclists’ vulnerability, saying “I think it’s a little more evident when we’re naked.

 

Well if they worked a bit harder they could buy a motor........

 

Dahn a bit to the sunny state of the land of the brave and the home of the free

A Miami man who, police say, shot a man while they were arguing  faced a judge Friday.

Gilberto Martinez, 28, was arrested on Thursday, June 5th after police said he pulled a gun on two people, shooting one, after they commented over Martinez peeing in front of a home.

According to his arrest report, Jose Martinez and Genaro Merlos had just returned home from the store when they saw Gilberto Martinez urinating in front of their home.

The two men told the Gilberto he should not be doing that because there were small children at the house, according to the report.

Gilberto allegedly took offense to the comment and pulled out a black hand gun, stated the report.

Jose Martinez attempted to run away but was shot three times in the torso area.

Gilberto, then allegedly turned the gun on Merlos and said, “You too,” and pulled the trigger.

According to the report, Merlos, “heard the click of the gun but nothing happened.”

Gilberto then ran away but was later arrested.

Police said Gilberto Martinez later admitted to shooting the Jose Martinez  and then leaving the area.

Gilberto Martinez is charged with one count of attempted second degree murder.

A judge on Friday ordered him to be held on $50,000 bound plus house arrest.

 

Let's hope he has an indoor lav....

 

Up quite a lot to the Norf country

 

An hour west of Newfoundland’s provincial capital, Dildo is a quiet, meandering harbor town with a population of 1,200. At one time, it flourished on the back of a burgeoning whaling and fishing industry; today, its name is that only thing that keeps people coming.

Though there may not be a whole lot to do there (the top three “Dildo attractions” on Tripadvisor are all hotels), the town’s residents are a proud, boisterous bunch, and partake in a number of annual festivities. Each summer, “Captain Dildo” -- an old wooden statue of a boat skipper -- leads the Annual Dildo Parade through the streets. (If you’re lucky enough to attend, be sure to snag an “I Survived Dildo Day” souvenir T-shirt -- they’re a hot commodity!)

 

Must add that to the bucket list....

 

And finally 

Back Dahn Unda

 

Allegedly Australians lose more than $100 million worth of coins down the back of sofas and car seats each year, the Royal Australian Mint said.

Mint chief executive Ross MacDiarmid told a government hearing that 255 million coins disappear annually and are replaced.

"Most of the coins that we provide are against coins that disappear down the back of chairs, down the back of car seats, into rubbish dumps and, in some cases, are taken overseas," he told a Senate committee Tuesday night.

"We are talking about AUD$110 million ($112.2 million) worth of coins."

 

Which is about £4.50 in proper money.....

 

That's it: I'm orf to try out a smart loo

 

And today's thought:

Dawn of the dead

 

 

Angus

Mobility police: Broken Coalition: ‘Flying’ car that didn’t: Welsh bum biter: and the Dahn Unda floating forest.

Not much lack of cold, even less atmospheric movement, quite a lot of drizzly skywater and sod all solar stuff at the Castle this morn, back again for a quickie: the old elbow is a whimsy better, the new painkillers are doing their job, but it has taken a few days to “adjust”, no post tomorrow as I have to go up to the Aldershot centre for Elfs to have a fasting blood test so I want to sleep as late as possible because if I don’t have my morning coffee I can get a bit “touchy”.

The garden is going through a blue period:

There are some Bluebells

 

 

Some blue globey things

 

 

Even more forget-me-nots

 

 

And just to bugger it up some immigrant Pinkbells.

 

 

Left to the Shire that isn’t very stiff

 

To the place that is plain; Wiltshire police have defended using a convoy of patrol cars to escort a community support officer riding a mobility scooter.

Apparently the scooter was being driven to a nearby police station in Salisbury following the arrest of a man on suspicion of theft and assault.

Police decided the easiest way of getting the scooter to the police station was to ask a PCSO to ride it there, escorted by two marked patrol cars.

 

Does that mean that every mobility scooter has to have a police escort?

 

Up in the bit next to the leaning tower of Westminster

The Millionaires Club Coalition is close to a divorce over the In-Out EU thingy, U-Turn Cam is allegedly going to publish “draft legislation” which would write into law the pledge made by the Prime Minister earlier this year.

Apparently the development, which emerged in Washington last night, came after Bollock Obama effectively backed Dave’s attempts to renegotiate Britain’s relationship with the EU before ordering a referendum.

The president called for the Prime Monster to be given time to “fix” the EU, as he warned that Britain would lose influence if it ever left the single market.

 

Har-fucking-har; what influence.......

 

Over the big, cold salty thing on the left

 

And up a lot; On Friday, an airborne car crashed near Ellison Elementary School in Vernon, B.C., after the parachute it uses to stay afloat collapsed.

The pilot and a passenger were taken to hospital with non-life threatening injuries, the RCMP told Global News.

The Maverick LSA Flying Car was made in the Florida by I-TEC and is certified by the U.S. Federal Aviation Administration.

On its site, I-TEC says the powered parachute's "design has been developed as an easy-to-operate – air, land, and snow craft. It is intuitive and safe to fly, drive and maintain by people in frontier areas of the world enabling them to use this unique vehicle in missions and humanitarian applications."

 

Or not as the case may be.....

 

Back over to Welsh Wales

 

A female council boss has been suspended over allegations she bit the bum of the only male employee within her department.

The man, in his early 20s, bled through his underwear and had to be taken to hospital for a tetanus jab following the alleged incident at Neath Port Talbot County Borough Council, in South Wales.

An internal investigation is now being carried out into the bizarre incident, which is believed to be the culmination of a series of office pranks that spectacularly backfired.

The council has suspended the department manager, who has not been named but is in her 40s, pending the outcome.

Junior female work colleagues, who witnessed the alleged attack, are due to be interviewed.

A council spokesman said: "Following a complaint, we have suspended an employee as a neutral act, as is standard procedure whilst an investigation is carried out. Therefore we are unable to comment any further."

 

Unable to comment my arse.....

And finally:

 

Dahn Unda

 

 

 

Photo Rodney Campbell

The SS Ayrfield (originally launched as SS Corrimal), was a collier ship built in England in 1911 and used by the Commonwealth Government during World War II to transport supplies to American troops in the Pacific. It was sold in 1950 and operated as a collier on the sixty-mile run between Newcastle and Sydney, until 1972 when the ship’s registration was cancelled and it was sent to its final resting place, Homebush Bay before the 2000 Olympic Games.

The SS Ayrfield, which locals often refer to as the Floating Forest has a bunch of full-grown mangrove trees growing on it now calling this rusty partly-submerged piece of metal home, creating a new and unique attraction that draws in photographers from all over the world.

 

Wood you believe that?

 

That’s it: I’m orf to buy a hard hat-just in case

 

And today’s thought:

Education, education, education....

 

 

Angus