Olympic adieu: Silly Billy rules Blighty: Badger burglar: No sand in Llandudno: and Hanging out in Oxfordshire.

Lots of lack of warm, low wispy stuff obscuring the blue stuff, not a whimsy of solar stuff and a definite lack of wet stuff at the Castle this non-Olympic morn.

Been up in Cheltenham for the weekend, just got back, his Maj was so pleased to see me that he bit me...

Just returned from the stale bread, gruel and his Maj’s food run dahn Tesco and checked out how much prices have risen since Thursday, they have...and his Maj has discovered the joy of hiding hard things in my shoes.

The sun has finally set over the five ring circus up in the Smoke

Some French bloke and a Ginger headed squaddy opened the old “entertainment”. 

And the “old” line up of “celebs” did their thing-

Del boy’s old motor exploded, sadly before the bang went orf.

We had the joy of old George Michael (who allegedly was given a whole car park to himself in order to minimise damage when he arrived in his motor).

Then old madness appeared to give us a rather quivering rendition of “our ‘ouse”.

The old Kinks did their “waterloo sunset” which I quite enjoyed.

A snatch of old (no more) Freddie Mercury, a bit of old (no more) John Lennon, some oldish Kaiser Chiefs doing the Who, some sort of fashion parade, no longer banned old Russell Brand pretending to be a walrus, an old DJ, and then five bottles of old Spice being transported on the top of unused London taxis.

Somewhere in this eclectic mix the real old WHO managed to ditch their Zimmer frames and do a song.

My second fave moment was old Eric Idle who gave us a snippet of Monty Python including some skating nuns, Morris dancers and quite a lot of people from the sub continent throwing stuff all over the old boy, followed by a youngish “rock band” who played some quite depressing ‘music’.

Then my very fave bit-old Brian May and old Rodger Taylor were joined by young Jessie J who looked very nice in not much at all and did “we will rock you”.

And if you click on the video above you will see the pride of the British Lions doing Queens “don’t stop me”.

Who says that Blighty isn’t a young, go getting technologically superior Coalition....?

And while the many, many visitors queue up at Heathrow for hours and hours to leave Blighty

U-Turn Cam and what’s his name have buggered orf on holiday after two weeks of free Olympic tickets and left Silly Billy Hague in charge.

Apparently U-Turn has gorn somewhere nobody is allowed to know about and what’s his name has gorn to Spain to the parents of his Spanish wife, Miriam.

That’s us stuffed then-another war in the Middle East?

A new chance for the unemployed

The Ministry of Justice is considering setting up call centres in prisons to increase prisoner work opportunities.

The plan is "one thing that could be considered" as part of efforts to make prisoners more employable when they finish their sentences.

No call centres are currently being run in prisons, but ministers are not ruling out such a scheme in the future.

Inmates already carry out a range of paid tasks including laundry services and printing.

The government wants to "transform prisons into industrious places of productive work" and make a 40-hour working week the norm. 

Sorry, it’s a new chance for criminals not the unemployed...

Left vast amounts of three feet and a bit to the land above the bit where the next big sporty thing is going to be held

A badger that wandered into a Reno-area retail store in northern Nevada dodged a tranquilizer dart and held authorities at bay for about an hour before being lured into a cage with cat food.

No one was hurt in the standoff at the bottled water/convenience store in a residential neighbourhood in Sparks, and the badger ultimately was returned to the wild north of Reno, Nevada Department of Wildlife spokesman Chris Healy said Wednesday.

"Apparently the door was open a bit and this badger just walked in," Healy told The Associated Press.

"Obviously, it was pretty hungry, because when they put the cat food in the trap, it went right in," he said.

Funny looking badger....

Dahn in Welsh Wales

North Shore beach in Llandudno was due to be the scene of a sancastle contest, which was scheduled to take place next week.

However, bosses have discovered there are far too many rocks and a large amount of seaweed covering the coastline, severely denting the potential of finding enough pure sand to compete effectively.

The annual event is organised by the Imperial Hotel and is a highlight of the summer in north Wales, typically attracting about 120 people.

Life’s a beach....

And finally:

Up a bit from dahn ‘ere in ‘Ampshire

A nude swim at Cornbury Park in Oxfordshire was the first of monthly meetings in scenic locations.

The venues will be kept secret until the last moment and only released to members of the Secret Swimming community.

The nude swim was also an attempt to break the record for the worlds largest skinny-dip

Note to self-join the Secret Swimming club.....

That’s it: I’m orf to stay awake for a long time-well; I can hope can’t I... 

And the last Olympic thought for today:

Thank thingy that’s over with.

Angus

Silly Billy for PM: Slumped Wallpaper : Gritty skid: Bad snaps: Barnsley Brussels: and the dancing Crimbo safety demo.

Warmish, wettish and wobblyish at the Castle this two sleeps to go morn, the Crimbo shopping is all sorted-one Crimbo meal in a box, a parsnip, six mince pies, custard, a bit of Crimbo cake and a partridge in a pear tree.

I have treated myself to a new “smart phone” which runs on android 2.2; I will let you know how good it is when I have worked out how to turn it on.

I staggered into the garden yesterday and believe it or not there are snowdrops in flower!

And the interweb thingy is still dropping in and out-I still blame the Government.

And talking of the Piss Poor Policies Millionaires Club Coalition

According to (I will never take a Lordship) John (I really needed a new fake beam on my house) Prescott if U-Turn Cam pops his clogs Silly Billy Hague is the most likely candidate to fill his boots.

Oh joy.....

 

Allegedly:

Son of a B.....aronet (and alien reptile in disguise) George (we are all in this together) Osborne’s family business is having a bit of a slump.

Osborne & Little, the luxury wallpaper and furnishings firm run by Sir Peter Osborne, the Chancellor's father, has posted a loss and predicted tough trading conditions ahead.

The £32.8m turnover company, which has glamorous showrooms on the Kings Road in London and in Paris, Munich and Milan, paid one director £736,000 in salary and pension contributions.

But no dividend was distributed to its shareholders, led by Sir Peter Osborne, who founded the firm with his brother-in-law Antony Little in 1968. George Osborne retains a 15pc stake via a trust.

Sir Peter, the 17th holder of a hereditary baronetcy, said the rise in raw material prices had reduced its gross margins to 53pc and that had directly led to the loss.

Osborne & Little made use of its banking facilities with HSBC, drawing more heavily on its invoice financing and its overdraft during the year. The overdraft is up for renewal in January and the directors said they were confident the bank would renew the facilities.

Oh dear what a shame....

North of the border

A runaway gritter hit black ice, skidded down a hill and crashed into the garden of an Inverness home.

Audrey Barnett, 40, was woken by a loud noise on Tuesday morning and found the vehicle embedded in the front garden of her home.

The gritter’s crew was unhurt, although a neighbour’s car was also damaged in the crash.

“I heard a loud bang, and thought, this sounds close. I looked out of the window and there was a snow plough sitting in my garden,” Mrs Barnett said. “It had bashed into my next door neighbour’s car, then through the dividing fence and completely taken out the top half of my garden.

“I could see two shocked men in the plough. They opened the doors, and the driver got out and fell on the ice before they came over.”

Having offered what help they could and given Mrs Barnett a council phone number to ring, the men then reversed the vehicle and left. Highland Council officials visited her house on Tuesday and confirmed they would rebuild the garden and foot the bill.

Ironic or what....

Still in slippery Blighty

Photography tuition company Red Cloud has launched the contest to find the country’s most inept snapper.

Entrants have included blurred faces, missed animal shots and extreme close-ups that go so far they miss the subject.

Organisers said they want to prove even the most hapless photographer can be turned into a budding pro.

‘We think everyone has the potential to take great photos with a little help and training,’ said Red Cloud founder Lee Brown.

Pictures should be submitted, with the photographer’s permission, to badpics@redclouddays.co.uk before the end of February.

Competition entries can be viewed at www.redclouddays.co.uk, where people will be able to vote for their favourite ‘worst’ image.

 

Already sent in my entry...

 

And still in non white Crimbo Blighty

Andy Simpson says his new delicacy of Brussels coated in finest Belgian chocolate are selling like hot cakes at just 25p each.

Andy, who has a store at the Elsecar Heritage Centre, near Barnsley, South Yorks, came up with the idea while on one of his regular visits to schools, where he teaches pupils about the origins of their favourite treat.

The 49-year-old said: "I am always looking for something new and with Christmas approaching Brussels sprouts immediately popped into my mind.

"I decided to try them out on customers and they are proving popular and I'm hoping to sell a lot more to people looking for something a little different to have with their Christmas dinner.

"I know Brussels sprouts are a bit like Marmite, you either love them or loathe them. I like them, they are a nice chocolatey shape but I must admit they are an acquired taste."

 Think I’ll pass on that one.

And finally:

East to the land of not a happy Crimbo

Cabin crew from a Philippine airliner who danced to fame after incorporating Lady Gaga into their safety demo have learnt a new routine set to Mariah Carey's All I Want For Christmas.

Manila-based Cebu Pacific airline gained fame by dancing through their safety routine to the backing of Lady Gaga, but this time have updated it for the festive holiday period.

The Philippine airline says the choreographed dance helps passengers pay more attention to the demonstration, which instructs passengers of how to use their seat belts and life jackets.

Candice Iyog, an airline spokesman, said: "Now that it's Christmas, we wanted to bring a little more fun into the flight."

They haven’t been watching the news have they...

 That’s it: I’m orf to count the toes on a Jumbo

And today’s thought:

Angus

Silly Billy’s empire grows: Be nice to Crims: Hamming it up in Italy: Paper milk bottle: and a bit more of Pippa.

‘Tis ‘orrible at the Castle this morn, dark, cloudy, windy and cold, the butler has had to snatch a few fat teenagers for the furnace and the phone started ringing early from users wanting their fix, the kitchen is prepared for the onslaught.

Silly Billy Hague is it seems sitting on an expanding worldwide property empire that is worth more than £2bn.

The number of properties owned by the FCO across the globe has risen to more than 2,300 – at a time when all government departments have been under severe pressure to cut costs.

Two years ago, Foreign Office mandarins threatened widespread sales of British embassies and official residences, as part of a crackdown on the costs of maintenance, staffing and expensive duties including official entertaining. In 2008-09 alone, the FCO sold over £60m-worth of property in 11 countries.

In spite of further warnings about large-scale sell-offs when the coalition came to power last May, the number of UK-owned properties has risen from 2,180 to 2,318 in the three years up to last September.

The value of FCO property in 126 countries around the world rose from £1.7bn to more than£2bn in the same period.

Do we get free hols in our properties?

Lawrence Sherman, professor of criminology at Cambridge University,

Thinks he knows how to cut both crime and the prison population. At a ‘fascinating’ talk at the think tank Civitas last week, he argued that prison is essential to protect the rest of us from hardened and violent criminals. But most prisoners aren't actually in that category: they're guilty of lots of relatively minor offences. And keeping them locked up is not the only way of reducing their criminal behaviour, merely the most expensive.

Instead of being sent to jail, Prof Sherman suggests that criminals in this group should be monitored by the police. When the cops catch them, it will often be better to offer them a deal than to prosecute: the police should tell the low-level criminal that if they go on a drug rehabilitation course, say, or get a job, or go for training, and stay out of trouble, they will not initiate the process of prosecution. If the criminal agrees, but is subsequently caught violating the terms of the deal, then the hammer comes down. But if he keeps his side of the bargain, nothing will happen.

Time will tell……

Over to the land of non earthquakes

Four people were hospitalised in Italy after a dispute over the thickness of a supermarket's ham slices turned violent.

The row broke out when a 50-year-old woman shopping in the Tuscany town of Livorno yesterday protested that the ham slices being cut by a counter assistant were too thick, ANSA news agency said in a report.

A scuffle unfolded involving the shop assistant's father as well as the woman's husband and two sons.

Police were called and three ambulances were also sent to the scene.

The shop assistant, the disgruntled ham shopper and her husband all suffered bruises and were treated in hospital.

The shopkeeper's father was also hospitalised after feeling ill, the news agency said.

Too thick? They should try shopping at Tesco, you can see through the slices there.

Up in Suffolk

Green Bottle, a tiny Suffolk-based company that has developed a green alternative to plastic bottles is in advanced talks with a consumer goods giant for a global deal to supply it with environmentally friendly detergent bottles – made out of paper.

The company currently has a deal to supply biodegradable paper milk bottles to 15 Asda stores as a precursor to a planned national roll-out with the supermarket chain later this year.

The bottles consist of a paper shell and an inner plastic liner that holds the liquid. While plastic bottles take an estimated 500 years to decompose and can be recycled just once, a Green Bottle paper shell will decompose in approximately five weeks. The paper casing can also be recycled up to five times or can be disposed of on a compost heap.

Spiffing, so how long does it take the plastic liner to decompose?

And finally:

A bit more of Pippa

The 27-year-old is enjoying a well-earned break in Spain with a gaggle of girlfriends, and old flame George Percy.

Must be terrible having to slum it like that.

That’s it: I’m orf to not to buy a Google laptop.

And today’s thought: "My shoes are size 2 and a 1/2, the same size as my feet" - Elaine Page.

Angus