Hijack a plane?-there’s an app for that: C-U Irn Bru: Soup of the day: Lambo Law: and Scottish polish.

More than enough skywater, nearly enough lack of cold, overdone atmospheric movement and bugger all solar stuff at the Castle this morn, I was rudely awakened at 3.05 of the am by the sound of wet stuff hitting the windows, or in other words it chucked it dahn until 5 of the am by which time I decided that it was time to rise and moan.

And it seems that today isn’t going to get much better.

 

East a whimsy to the land of the Luftwaffe

A 30 year old tosspot called Hugh Teso reckons that he was able to exploit gaps in an aeroplane's data system and take it over with a few presses of a button.

Addressing the Hack in the Box conference in Amsterdam, Mr Teso said he developed an app for Android called PlaneSploit that could interfere with a plane's flight management systems.

Using a flight simulator he said he could make the plane "dance to his tune" and demonstrated how he was able to control everything from its air conditioning to its navigational systems.

The app itself appears as an animated cockpit complete with buttons to direct the aircraft to a specific location or send it crashing to the ground.

One function would make lights flash inside the cockpit, giving a terrified pilot the impression that the aircraft's systems were failing.

The hacking would only work if the aircraft was set to autopilot and could be over ridden by a pilot manually retaking control of the plane, Mr Teso said.

The US Federal Aviation Authority (FAA) said it did not believe Mr Teso's claim to be able to take over an aircraft.

 

Or at least they hope so.....

 

 Norf of the Border

 

A new advert for Irn Bru - under investigation over claims that it's anti-English - is becoming a smash hit online.

The ad, entitled New Fella, shows a Scottish dad drinking Irn-Bru to keep his temper in check as he meets his daughter's new English boyfriend, reports The Scotsman.

The father struggles to keep his cool as he chats with the lad who wears an England shirt and has a bulldog called Wembley which breaks wind on a Saltire rug.

So far, the 40-second clip has attracted nearly 70 complaints to advertising watchdogs - and more than 1.1million views on YouTube.

Irn Bru maker AG Barr's Facebook page was inundated with complaints about the advert, including one from Peter Menzies, who said: "It's too stereotypical that all Scots hate the English."

Craig Russell added: "When did racism become funny? Bru ads can be much wittier than this stereotypical trash."

A spokesman for Irn-Bru said: "We've not set out to cause offence. Our ads are known for their cheeky sense of humour."

An ASA spokesman confirmed the complaints were being assessed.

 

Never touch the stuff....

 

West to the home of the tealeaf and the land of GPS

Eusebio Diaz Acosta was arrested and charged with stealing a tractor trailer loaded with $75,000 worth of Campbell’s soup bound for a Publix grocery store from a truck stop in Central Florida.

The police were able to track the truck and its cargo via the truck’s GPS system, and pulled over the stolen rig on the Florida Turnpike. That’s when Acosta, 51, was arrested and charged with two counts of grand theft — one each for the tractor trailer and the cargo, according to the Sun Sentinel.


Wonder if he had a tin opener….

 

East more than a lot to the land of oil and stuff

Dubai's police force has unveiled its latest patrol car - a specially modified, quarter-of-a-million pound Lamborghini Aventador, capable of speeds up to 217mph.

In Dubai, where petrol is cheaper than drinking water, authorities face significant challenges to curb road accidents caused by speeding. 

Last year, official figures put road deaths at 122, with 2,161 injuries, many of which occurred on the emirate's notorious Sheikh Zayed highway.

Around 15% of traffic fines issued in Dubai every day are for driving at speeds in excess of 130mph, police figures released in March showed.

Last year, Dubai police announced they had issued 67,000 traffic fines in one month alone, 2,000 of which were for reversing on motorways.

 

Good luck with that, think I’ll stick to the Honda.

 

And finally:

 

Norf of the border again

Scottish company Mitchell & King has launched a limited edition car wax in honour of the ultimate luxury lifestyle car race – the goldRush Rally.

The GRV car wax boasts a gold shimmer and will apparently protect the vehicle for up to 4 months.

The container is milled from the finest grade Titanium, coated with 24ct Gold and encrusted with Swarovski crystals and 10 x 0.5-carat, F Colour, VS2, brilliant round cut diamonds and includes 2 24-carat gold rings, as well as the application of GRV wax by a Mitchell & King approved detailer. Oh, and the wax will be delivered personally by the company’s director.

 

And all for the meagre price of………£63005.53 per bottle

 

Pass….

 

That’s it: I’m orf to go bat hunting

 

And today’s thought:

You’re nicked

 

Angus

A plot to exhume: Terror tots: Eating farts: Dutch Mars: Google goggles: and the Shanzai Lamborghini.

Cloudy, coldish and calm at the Castle this morn, did a bit of fettling in the garden between showers yestermorn and then gathered yet another load for the “recycling centre”.

From the Smoke to up Norf

Allegedly thousands of graves will be dug up and moved to make way for the new high-speed rail line between London and Birmingham.

The HS2 rail line is expected to run straight through old cemeteries in London and Birmingham. It is estimated that the remains of about 50,000 people could be affected.

Under the plans, the Curzon Street terminal would be built on Park Street in Digbeth, Birmingham, a 19th Century graveyard.

And St James Gardens, a consecrated former church burial ground in Euston, central London, will also need to be dug up. 

Strict rules apply to the exhumation of bodies. In England and Wales, the Ministry of Justice first has to grant a licence for their removal, it then has to gain planning permission and adhere to rules set out by organisations such as English Heritage and the church. Because of the age of most of the burial grounds this tends to be the Church of England.

Reburial must also take place - usually in other nearby cemeteries.

The graves in question date back at least 100 years, though many are much older. In some cases, they are unmarked by headstones and any living relatives are no longer contactable.

 

You are not even safe from this lot when you are dead and buried, think I’ll be cremated.

All over banjaxed Blighty

According to the Piss Poor Policies Millionaires Club Coalition’s behaviour tsar Charlie Taylor a growing number of primary school children are too violent and disruptive to be in school.

Apparently there is a group of children showing very extreme behaviour, very difficult, challenging, violent behaviour - often quite young children. There is an increase in those kind of children.”

They would often resort to kicking or biting fellow pupils in the classroom, MPs on the Commons select committee for education were told...

Mr Taylor’s comments follow claims from head teachers’ leaders that children often arrive at primary school — lacking in personal skills and ill-equipped to communicate with their fellow pupils.

They have put the blame on parents who fail to communicate with them - and allow them to remain in front of computer screens or TVs for the most part of the day.

The PPPMCC’s “solution” is that parents should be docked benefit payments if they failed to pay fines levied upon them as a result of their children truanting.

And it doesn’t help Kiddlies behaviour when one’s parents leave one behind in a pub.....

East to the land that invented everything (almost)

Researchers at Zhongda Hospital at Southeast University in Nanjing have come up with a cunning plan to lower blood pressure-“eating farts”.

An experiment was done at Johns Hopkins University in which the smell of flatus, which comes from hydrogen sulphide, effectively controlled the blood pressure of mice.

Yuyu Yao, an associate professor at Southeast University, said that it has not yet been tested on human beings. A working dosage could be a problem because of the size difference between humans and mice.

The gas could have side effects on other parts of the body, he added.

I think Yuyu has been sniffing something else.........

Back to below sea level in Europe

Dutch space company Mars One has unveiled their secret plan to have humans living (and dying) on the red planet by 2023. According to their video which hit YouTube today, the first four-person team will take seven years to reach their destination, with additional crews heading off every two years after that to live out their remaining days establishing a permanent settlement.

 While this sounds like the plot of a science fiction film, the project and the company behind it seem legitimate, having apparently been endorsed by Nobel Prize-winning theoretical physicist Prof. Dr. Gerard 't Hooft. Oddly, "Big Brother" co-creator Paul Römer is also an ambassador of the project.

Too much wacky baccy methinks...

Left to the home of street view and the land of search engines

Google has unveiled its latest invention – a pair of high-tech glasses which can video everything you see.

The computer giant introduced the device at a launch event showing live feeds from the cameras on glasses worn by sky-divers.

As the daredevils jumped out of a blimp flying above San Francisco, attendees at Google's I/O event watched the video footage from their perspective.

They also watched the live stream from cyclists jumping over ramps then riding into the conference room.

The device has a camera to capture fleeting moments and allow others to see the world through your eyes.

It also houses a speaker, microphones as well as a processor and sensors which can give users information on what they are seeing.

For instance, wearers of the glasses could see directions to their destination appear literally before their eyes.

They can also talk to friends over video chat or even buy things online as they walk around.

The company is selling the device, known as Project Glass, for $1,500 - but only to people at its annual three-day conference in San Francisco.

That’ll go dahn well with the Elfandsafety chaps....

And finally:

Right again to the place where copies are king

The latest Lamborghini replica to come out of China is of the Murcielago LP64, and is said to be 99% identical to the original on the outside, while the interior is “only” 70% identical.

A brand new Lamborghini Murcielago LP64 would cost you over $400,000 but this ex Toyota MR2 will only cost you $65,000.

According to the cars maker the reservation period for a Chinese Lamborghini Murcielago LP64 replica is 5 months, and requires an initial deposit of 210,000 Yuan.

The only snag is that it will never be legal on the road because it can’t be registered.

Bit of a waste of time and money then…..

That’s it: I’m orf to celebrate the steam engine

And today’s thought:

Neigh, neigh and thrice neigh Wimbledon

Angus

Oh Dear!: Pussy security: Wight wants TT: Chenango Chobani Yogurt: Windy motor: and a Lambo lunatic.

Sunny, dry, calm and more than a whimsy cold at the Castle this morn, the butler is not happy because he is back stuffing fat carbon neutral teenagers into the furnace, his Maj has got the hump because the sun hasn’t reached his favourite bit of the grounds where he rolls in the dust, and I am a bit miffed because the windows need cleaning and today has the perfect weather to do it.

According to the Torygraph

The “leader” of the Piss Poor policies Millionaires Club Coalition is considering ordering billions of pounds in extra welfare cuts proposed in a confidential Downing Street policy paper.

The savings will be made from cutting back benefits for people of working age.

The plans include a new crackdown on housing benefit and a “mark two” system of universal credit to help push people off benefits back into full-time, rather than part-time, work. There are also understood to be a range of measures to encourage more women, particularly single mothers, to return to work.

 The author of this future roll of toilet paper Steve Hilton who has buggered orf to California for a while reckons that that another £25 billion can be cut from the welfare budget.

A Downing Street source said: “There is some really radical thinking going on around welfare, which is the most successful area of government policy so far. Why should people only work part time? Why are young people who are out of work not living at home? Why are we incentivising people to have more children?

California dreaming Hilton is regarded as a “blue sky thinker” whose radical and ambitious ideas have infuriated civil servants. Although some of his proposals have been dismissed as too radical and unrealistic, his plans for welfare reform are understood to be highly respected by the Prime Minister.

 

Oh dear.....

Right a lot and dahn a fair way

A South African businessman has got himself some extra protection - a Bengal tiger called Enzo.

The 330lb big cat lives with owner Michael Jamison and his girlfriend Jackie at their home in Brakpan.

They had always wanted a pet tiger - but decided to get one after twice being targeted by armed robbers.

"I feel much safer with Enzo in the house than without him," said Mr Jamison. "I wanted a tiger and then I got one."

One-year-old Enzo is actually a big baby who sleeps with Mr Jamison in his bed, has a cat box and enjoys eating on the kitchen counter.

He gets bottle-fed twice a day as well as consuming around 4kg of meat. He eats rice with chicken or mince alongside the couple's three dogs, with which he is apparently good friends.

My-that is a lot of pussy to have in your bed.....

Back in plan A Blighty-sort of

Motorcycle enthusiasts have started a campaign to bring TT-style road races to the Isle of Wight.

The proposal is to create an event similar to the TT "tourist trophy" races run on the Isle of Man.

The annual Manx festival attracted 37,000 visitors and generated £20m of income this year.

Campaigner Kara Rann said: "When you see the passion and enthusiasm, it's something the Isle of Wight is missing out on and it would certainly benefit".

A Facebook page set up by the campaign attracted 425 supporters in 36 hours.

The group has identified possible race routes which "avoid any villages" and plans to approach the council for backing for the idea.

Bit dodgy-have you seen the state of the roads on the Needles isle?

Left to the home of the Semi and the land of no corners

Along Interstate 88 westbound Monday night, just after 10:30 p.m., Broome County Sheriff's Deputies say a tractor trailer hauling Chobani Yogurt got on the ramp to Interstate 81 too fast. When it rounded a curve, the trailer slid over the embankment and spilled 36,000 pounds of yogurt on the shoulder and down the hillside.

The driver--Oleksandr Brychka, 24, of Lincoln, Nebraska--was able to get out of the cab on his own.

Although it was raining, deputies believe weather was not a factor.

The driver was ticketed with failure to reduce speed and improper lane use.

And for thinking he was Jensen Button...still that will help out the Greek problem a bit.

East more than many, many imperial units

In a small tractor workshop, 55-year-old farmer Tang Zhenping has invented the prototype of a car that he believes could revolutionise China's auto industry.

Mr Tang's model - built in just three months for around £1,000 - is electric.

Its engine uses scrap parts from a motorcycle and an electric scooter, while its steering wheel, upholstery and headlights all come from a Chinese-made Xiali hatchback.

And on the front is a turbine which springs into action at 40mph and produces pollution-free power.

The model has a top speed of 70mph.

The farmer says he dreamed of building an electric car for three decades, but was unable to interest government officials or private investors.

He now hopes car manufacturers will take an interest in his prototype.

"I'm not doing this just for the money," he told Sky News.

"I dream of seeing my car being driven on highways. I want to serve the people."

Ever tried to get to forty in a built up area?

And finally:

Back over to the home of the auto and the land of the rear exit

In the suburbs of Chicago a Lamborghini driver speeds away from the lights before losing control of his vehicle and ending up wedged between two cars.

The accident was filmed by people in the car behind who had started recording when the supercar pulled in front of them at a set of traffic lights.

The driver of the bright yellow Lamborghini Gallardo attempts to turn left at speed before losing control and shooting across the highway into oncoming traffic.

Luckily cars had slowed for the lights and instead of a head on collision the Lamborghini ended up wedged between two oncoming vehicles.

 

Oh dear what a shame.....

That’s it: I’m orf to sniff a robot.

And today’s thought:

Rear exit TT.

Angus

Boy’s toys; photo unfit; One good banker; and Pavement art.

Still knackered, but the sinus pain is easing and the headaches have gone-Tamiflu side effects? But I took my veggies in hand and ventured down to the smash and grab (Tesco) at 11am yesterday, absolute mayhem, managed to find a parking space after queuing for ten minutes, the place was packed with psychotic shoppers snatching goods in a frenzy, semi-comatose “people” rooted to the spot and internet robots blocking the aisles, now I remember why I go down there as early as I can.











If they win the next election the Tories will reward householders for recycling in order to reduce global warming.

Don’t really think that is a vote winner, after the revelation yesterday re: the “tweaking” of the “proof”, and anyway we all know that it goes into holes in the ground despite all our efforts.

Post still a bit abridged but longer than Monday’s.




First up:

Lambo Numpty

Abi Pattison-Hart, 27, paid £8,000 to hire David Gallucci, 33, a Lamborghini Murciélago LP640 for their big day.

But he lost control of the 220mph yellow supercar on a roundabout just one hour before the ceremony.

The Lamborghini hit the grass verge before smashing into a fence and flipping 360 degrees through the air.

But Mr Gallucci away from the wreckage with nothing more than bruising.

The limited edition Lamborghini - one of just a few hundred in the world - sustained £160,000 of damage and was written off.

Company director Mr Gallucci, who lives with his wife in Baildon, Yorks. said: ''When the car rolled up my drive I was in a state of sheer shock.

''Neighbours were coming out in awe of the thing - it is so rare you'd be lucky to even see one in Britain.

''I was in tears down the phone to Abi, thanking her for the gift. My dream has always been to own a sports car but this is in a different league.

''I was driving it to the wedding when the back end skipped out while I was going around the roundabout.

''The car mounted the grass verge, hit the fence and flipped a full 360 degrees. The next thing I knew I was in a ditch.''

The crash happened on November 7 as Mr Gallucci and best man Warwick French made the 15-minute drive to the wedding at Hollins Hall Country Club, near Bradford, Yorks.

The force of the crash ripped the Murciélago's front bumper off and caused £160,000 of damage to the bodywork, suspension and wheels.

After waiting for police to arrive Mr Gallucci phoned Abi claiming he had broken down and got a friend to pick him up and take him to the wedding in his Range Rover.

He waited until after he had exchanged vows to break the news to his bride.

Yeah I bet he did, could have been the shortest marriage in history, high speed Numpty.

Get your crayons out

Bolivian police managed to track down a man wanted for murder even though they were working from what has been described as the world's worst photo-fit.

A taxi driver, named in Bolivian media as Rafael Vargas, was murdered in what police said was either a drugs-related hit or a crime of passion.

In March, police found his body, which had been stabbed 11 times before being burnt.

Officials issued an appeal for help, and one neighbour drew a picture of what she believed the suspect looked like - though many other people have said her drawing resembles nothing more than the scarecrow from the Wizard of Oz.

The picture, more reminiscent of a child's school drawing than a piece of forensic evidence, consists of a pair of eyes, lopsided lips, a broomstick-shaped nose, and straight eyebrows topped with hair resembling a thatched roof.

A newsreader presenting the image on Bolivian television has become a Youtube sensation.

And while viewers have ridiculed the crudely-drawn image, it reportedly helped police arrest a suspect.

At least one suspect was arrested following the release of the photo-fit. Though, in keeping with Bolivian laws, he could not be identified. Instead, media sites blocked his face with images of the bizarre photo-fit.

Rough sketch.

Take from the rich

A German bank manager who secretly transferred money from rich clients to heavily indebted customers has been sentenced to a 22-month suspended jail term.

The 62-year-old woman, dubbed the "Robin Hood banker", was found guilty of moving a total of 7.6 million Euros ($11.4 million) between December 2003 and February 2005, in 117 separate transfers.

Her altruistic aim was to prevent clients from seeing their accounts closed for want of funds.

As a rule, she transferred the money back when the indebted clients were solvent again, but 1.1 million Euros were lost when certain customers were unable to pay their debts.

The court, in the western city of Bonn, took a lenient view of the fraud as she owned up immediately and took none of the money for herself.

They also judged she had suffered enough after losing her job and paying compensation.

According to press reports, she now lives off a tiny pension.

I suppose it is the thought that counts.

And finally:

Mueller miracle

Edgar Mueller, the street artist, has broken a new Guinness World Record after creating the world's biggest 3D pavement art featuring characters from the movie Ice Age.

He beat his own world record by covering an area of 330 square metres with a wintry scene to coincide with the DVD launch of Ice Age 3: Dawn of the Dinosaurs.

Taking six days to create, the pavement art, at Westfield London, features characters Manny, Buck, Sid, Diego, Scrat and Scratte edging over an icy crevasse.

Craig Glenday, Editor in Chief of Guinness World Records, said: "Guinness World Records has been monitoring the fantastic work of Edgar Mueller for some time now, and we're thrilled to be so closely involved with his latest record-breaking creation.

"Children – and adults – around the world are blown away by Edgar's eye-popping landscapes, and he truly deserves a place in the record books taking the art of pavement of drawing to stratospheric new levels."

Mueller, 41, who has been street painting since he was 16, said: "I used to use chalk and pastels but as my paintings got bigger and bigger I had to use wall paint in case of heavy rain. I also want people to interact with the painting.

"I'm not a record hunter, but because I want to change public areas into a different look, to look different from daily life I have to go huge. If I want to change a street, then I have to cover the whole street, so that's the reason my paintings are so big."

I am a great fan of Edgar Mueller and have posted some of his pavement art before, so here is some more.

Angus


AnglishLit

Angus Dei-NHS-THE OTHER SIDE

Angus Dei politico