No smoke without a bung: HMRC waste and mismanagement: Big Bird in Fife: Canned menu: Catapult crime: and a Bulgarian Mermaid.

Coldish, blowy and a drizzle of skywater at the Castle this morn but at least it will wash away the sand from all over the Honda that appeared yestermorn.

I see that the boss of my bank has decided that he will remain in his rather well paid job because it wasn’t his fault but a "small number" of employees who had tried to make profits for their own benefit.

And whether or not the weather will banjax Blighty for the second day.

Apparently more than five MPs involved in the “plain packet” fag do-dah

Accepted lunch and two tickets to the Chelsea Flower Show valued at £1,132.80.

Brian Binley, along with Alun Cairns, Karl McCartney, Stephen Metcalfe, Laurence Robertson and Therese Coffey had a nice meal and a wander round the flora display in the posh part of the Smoke courtesy of  Japan Tobacco International – which owns brands such as Benson & Hedges, Camel, Silk Cut and Mayfair

Allegedly they were reportedly among 51 MPs to have expressed "serious concerns with the Department of Health's proposal to introduced standardised or 'plain' packaging for tobacco products". Health campaigners believe the measure will reduce the attraction of smoking to teenagers.

Mr Binley told the Daily Telegraph he had "not acted immorally". Japan International Tobacco, he said, "made a kind invite that I accepted on that basis. From the perspective of freedom, people who smoke are victimised. No one is doing very much about the 40,000 who die from eating too much every year".

All smoke and mirrors?

 

Her Maj’s Revenue and Customs

Wrote orf almost £5.2 billion in taxes according to a report published by official auditors today, last year it overpaid around £2-£2.5 billion in tax credits and underpaid up to £290 million as a result of fraud and error.

Over the last two years, the report found there had been a "large increase" in the amount of tax which HMRC has decided not to pursue - including £756 million worth of income tax in 2011/12 alone. Total tax debts being pursued stood at £13.3 billion at the end of March, down from £15 billion the year before.

The 2011/12 total of £5.17 billion in write-offs and remittances - debts which have been dropped because they are too small to be worth pursuing or would cause hardship if collected - included £1.5 billion in income tax, £1.9 billion in VAT, £653 million in National Insurance and £503 million in corporation tax.

Nice, but it didn’t stop them charging me £8.90 VAT on my parcel from the States....

 

Norf of the border

An eagle owl remained on the loose in Fife after apparently escaping from captivity.

Residents in the village of Townhill are being urged to lock their doors and windows and keep their pets firmly out of reach of the beast – one of the world’s most vicious owls.

The Scottish SPCA has been notified but has said that unless an owner can coax it home, the charity will not attempt a capture.

Scottish SPCA chief superintendent Mike Flynn said: “These birds are notoriously difficult to catch and we would only be able to uplift it if already contained.”

With a six-foot wingspan, it can eat a baby deer, rodents, rabbits and hares but has been known to attack cats, small dogs and even other birds of prey.

 

Don’t suppose a rolled up newspaper would be much use then......

East to the place where they have strange eating habits

A restaurant that serves only canned food has become quite popular; you can eat cold food from a tin with plastic cutlery and pay for the privilege.

Things have been going so well that Clean Brothers, the restaurant and cafe Company behind the bizarre “diner”, has begun franchising the idea throughout Japan, under the name Mr. Kanso, and there are currently 17 branches, 14 of which are franchises, but the number of interested franchisees is growing steadily.

There are no menus at Mr. Kanso restaurants, just shelves lined with about 300 different types of canned foods from all around the world; you can find anything from Hokkaido bear curry to French salad in a can.

And this isn’t related in any way to radiation......because there isn’t any...

West to the home of the motor and the land of speed cameras

Police in Maryland say a man has been charged with assault for using a slingshot to fire glass marbles at a speed camera van.

Authorities say Bruce Lawrence May of Ellicott City was arrested Tuesday. The 50-year-old Lawrence was also charged with destruction of property and reckless endangerment. He was released on $3,000 bond.

Howard County police say that at about 5 p.m. Tuesday, the van was near Manor Woods Elementary School when the operator heard something hit the side of the vehicle. The operator saw a minivan pass and saw the driver with a slingshot fire another projectile at the speed camera van.

Police say that May had received two speed camera violations recently.

No shit....

And finally:

 Not a Vampire but a Mermaid skeleton.

That’s it: I’m orf to enter the Butler in the International Submarine Races event.

And today’s thought:

Oh crap! This is going to hurt Olympics

Angus