Pippa on the pull: Ripped orf-again: Fine for EDF customers: Talking pets: False airbags: Smashing learner: and iPhone the cops.

Damp, dingy, dismal and dodgy at the Castle this morn, didn’t get to the smoke yesterday, I managed to break my only pair of glasses so I had to go to “Specsavers”, had an eye test while I was there and discovered that the old peepers are healthy but in need of a bit more help to function.

So I look forward to getting my “new” driving glasses next Saturday at the knock down cost of £143. But they did repair my old specs for free.

And today’s worm pic.

For those that are interested

Pippa Middleton is single again after ditching her doting boyfriend Alex Loudon.

Apparently Britain's most sought-after date has not been seen with the professional cricketer turned City broker for weeks.

One source close to Old Etonian Alex said: "Pippa has become very high profile and it's put a strain on things. They're moving in different circles."

Pippa shared a three-hour romantic meal with George — son of the fabulously wealthy Duke of Northumberland — at Le Cercle restaurant near London's Sloane Square last week.

They sneaked back to his posh pad and did not emerge until 2am when George, 26, walked Pippa to the lobby and gave her a goodnight hug.

Hope he’s wearing body armour.....

Allegedly Brits pay nearly £300 each in excess motoring taxes, a report reveals.

A whopping £31.5 billion is raised by the Government each year through fuel and vehicle excise duty.

But just £13.4billion is spent on roads and repairing environmental damage caused by traffic. That means the Treasury's coffers are swollen by an extra £18.1billion — or £293 per person.

Taxpayers' Alliance director Matthew Sinclair said: "British motorists are hit unfairly hard by motoring taxes that are far too high.

"The Chancellor should freeze duty for the rest of this Parliament. And politicians should stop ripping off British motorists with the highest taxes on petrol in the EU."

A YouGov poll for The Sun yesterday revealed 85 per cent of Brits want fuel duty frozen.

Make that 85 per cent plus one.

And:

Energy giant EDF has been fined £1.3million for spying on Greenpeace

EDF was found guilty of espionage aimed at Greenpeace.

Two of the company’s security executives were jailed, along with three others recruited to carry out the spying.

Campaigners hailed the verdict as ‘a strong message to the nuclear industry that no one is above the law’.

The verdict was reached on the day that EDF, one of seven top-tier 2012 Games sponsors, brought in price rises for its 5.7million British customers.

So that the customers can pay the fine for them...

 Dahn Unda

80pc of Australians think they can understand pets and believe they know their pets well - and can communicate"

The survey of 800 Australian pet owners found more than 95 per cent of dog owners talked to their pets, while just over 89 per cent spoke to their cats.

And 87 per cent said they understood what their pets were trying to say, according to the survey commissioned by an animal healthcare company.

I aked his Maj about this-no comment.

North of the border

Lisa Somerville, 28, was driving home in a rainstorm when she lost control and careered head-on into another car.

She was cut free by fire fighters and rushed to hospital with a punctured lung, four cracked ribs and a broken nose.

Doctors later told her the silicone pads she used to boost her then AAA bust had saved her life by acting like airbags.

Ms Somerville said: ‘I suffered a punctured lung and cracked ribs but thanks to my chicken fillets, I was still alive.

‘I was told otherwise my ribs would have pierced my heart.’

After the crash near her home in Kirkintilloch, near Glasgow, she came round moments later with shooting pains in her body.

But luckily she was ‘doubling up’ – wearing two silicone implants on both sides.

She said: ‘I was in a bad way but I was still breathing. As doctors peeled back my clothes to get a better look at the damage, they noticed the skewered chicken fillets inside my bra.’

After recovering, Ms Somerville paid £4,000 to upgrade her breasts from a triple A to a 30E.

She said: ‘I’m ten times more confident and happier than ever. I’m giving my new boobs a birthday celebration.’

Wonder if my Moobs will work as well?

East to the land of fireworks and Crimbo toys

Learner driver Wen Le had one 'L' of a time learning how to park during her lesson in Xiaolan, Guangdong province, southern China.

After hitting the accelerator instead of the brake she shot through a wall leaving the car stuck half in and half out of an alley.

"She was slightly hurt but luckily no-one was standing on the other side of the wall when she came through," said a police spokesman.

Wen added: "I don't know what happened. I was parking very carefully and the car just took off."

That’s a fail then....

                                                 

 And finally:

Over to the not so wild west

Michael Alan Skopec phoned the police five times because his iPhone wasn’t working. The 48-year-old man from Bristol, Illinois, allegedly made the calls to complain, according to a Kendall County Sheriff's Office report shared by The Smoking Gun.

Officers went out to Skopec's home around 1 a.m. Wednesday to investigate and said Skopec "refused to comply with orders from deputies," according to a sheriff's spokesperson, and he was arrested for obstructing or resisting a peace officer.

Should have bought a Blackberry, or a Samsung or an HTC....

That’s it: I’m orf to have a piss on the Leccy meter

And today’s thought: “If we go into the red next year... I shall have to give up polo.” 1969.-Prince Philip.

 Lest we forget-11-11-11.

 Angus

Butchered pig, Gift Horse/mouth, Goosey goosey sell yer, Poli Poet and Gay Tories

I am having to “write” this with my left hand today, it is because the weather is turning colder and the reason is below.

First up:

Egbert Van der Pole and the hidden pig

Ok so it is not exciting “news”, but I found it interesting: Over at the Telegraph there is a story of the restoration of the above painting which discovered the butchered pig hanging on a ladder in a barn.

"It was painted over, and the obvious question is, Why was it painted over?" said Mr Zwart. "Well, it was most likely not covered over by the artist. Very likely a wealthy patron bought it.

"It's this grotesque scene, this butchered animal hanging in a barn. And quite likely this patron hired another artist to paint it over."

Mr Zwart said the restored work "looks a lot different than before, and it looks better.
The restoration work also revealed information about the painting's history. It turns out that the work is a "pendant," one of a pair of paintings on a shared theme. Barn Interior's companion painting hangs in the Rijksmuseum in Amsterdam.

Why the fuss? Back in the 17th century farmers butchered their own stock, and probably hung them in a barn to cure, no fridges back then, the interesting bit is that the owner paid someone to cover it up, we mustn’t upset the gentry you know.

Gift or graft?

Between three and five “free” laptops turned up at the governor's offices in West Virginia, Vermont, Wyoming and Washington state, but no one had ordered them.

"They immediately raised a red flag," said Matt Turner, spokesman for West Virginia Gov. Joe Manchin. "No one said, 'Hey, we got a free gift.'"

The laptops were made by Hewlett Packard or came from its Compaq brand. The world's leading PC maker said it told law enforcement that it intercepted and turned around similar deliveries ordered for six additional states.

HP is aware that fraudulent state government orders recently have been placed for small amounts of HP equipment. HP took prompt corrective action to address the fraudulent orders and is working with law enforcement personnel on a criminal investigation," the Palo Alto, Calif.-based company said in a statement, declining further comment.

The National Governors Association has issued a bulletin about the suspicious shipments. It also said that Vermont's laptops were paid for with a credit card issued in Douglas' name - but that was not one actually held by the governor or issued by that state.

"The State Police and the FBI are working jointly to get to the bottom of why these computers were sent to West Virginia," Baylous said Thursday.

Agent Jay Bartholomew, the FBI's supervisory senior resident agent in Charleston, declined to comment Thursday.

If that happened in the UK, they would be in someone’s home by the end of play.

Wooden tops $400,000 for a wooden goose

A rare, 19th century hand-carved goose decoy and considered by some to be a floating sculpture, is going on the auction block (bad choice of words there). It could bring in as much as $400,000.

The decoy was originally purchased by an American expatriate living in Argentina and then sold to a native of that country who was unaware of its origins.

The current owner, Maximo Kirton, emailed a photo of the Canada Goose decoy to Christie's several weeks ago wondering what it might be worth. It sat on a shelve at the family's sheep ranch in Patagonia, Argentina, for 10 years, and then on the mantel of his parent's Buenos Aires home for another two decades.

To Kirton's surprise, Christie's told him the goose was a very unusual example of a working decoy from the late 19th century that could conservatively fetch between $200,000 to $400,000. Not only that, it was part of an extremely rare decoy rig that usually included at least six birds.

It seems that The one coming up for sale is known as a slot-neck goose, because the head dovetails into a hollow carved body. An unusual decoy element, the head slides off "because the hunters would travel with them" up and down the eastern flyway "and that would prevent the head and neck from breaking," Holter said.

"These are highly prized by folk art collectors and working decoy collectors," he said. "They're a uniquely American art form.

Well I’ve got an old wooden flying duck in the loft any offers?

'I sit upon my bottom'

From down under: there appears to be a Politician poet in Nelson, Northern Territory, Gerry Wood, who held the balance of power in the August 14 vote, ended up making an agreement with the Government to keep them in office.

In the chamber last night, Mr Wood read out two poems about the challenging decision he had to make.

"I sit upon my bottom as my mind begins to ache," his first ditty began.

"I ponder what has happened, just a week ago to date.

"It seems like just a dream and not a real state.

"But when I open up my eyes I know it's no mistake.

"So what's the use of pondering if nothing is a fake.

"Just get on with living and laugh, not contemplate."

The second poem was about the day he had to play kingmaker.

"Some days are good, some days are bad but none quite the same as the 14th day of August," he told the chamber.

"Sometimes I'm happy, sometimes I'm sad, and sometimes I feel like the 14th day of August.

"Sometimes life's easy, sometimes it's not, that's how it was on the 14th day of August.

"Some days I can't remember, some days I can, but I won't forget the 14th day of August.

"But life moves on and the sun comes up, so who cares about the 14th day of August."

Mr Wood's parliamentary poetry received a brief clap from a lone member of the Legislative Assembly.

Don’t give up the day job Gerry.

And finally:

Blues go gay

The Tories have decided to appeal to homosexuals with a new logo, The logo was displayed on the Conservative Party website as part of events billed as Conference Pride at the annual political gathering in Manchester.

More than 700 delegates are expected to attend a £15-a-head cocktail party at the Spirit Bar, in the heart of the city's famous gay village, where they will be entertained by a live performance by disco diva Angie Brown.

Andrew Brierly, 29, a party activist from Clapham, south London, said the event is a sign the true-blue party was "modernising" its image to appeal to new voters.

He said: "By hosting events like this it is hoped that voters will recognise that the Conservative party is at the forefront of agenda-setting politics.

"The party is modernising at it is not afraid to broach traditionally taboo subjects such as the rights of the homosexual community.

The event will be compered by Margot James - the party's vice-chairman and first openly lesbian candidate - and Iain Dale, the first openly-homosexual Conservative to contest a parliamentary election, and will feature "funky house and pop floors", "promotional bar prices" and a "celebrity auction" sponsored by Harvey Nichols.

David Cameron has repeatedly promised to make his party more inclusive. He told Pink News last year: "I want the Conservative Party to be an open and inclusive party which speaks for everyone in Britain regardless of their race, background or sexuality and I am determined that we will act to ensure that at every level, we are representative of modern Britain."

Just a point Dave, but I think that Tory policies will be the deciding factor for the electorate not a bleeding logo.

And finally finally:

A rant:

The Gov screws us again

Those morons in what is laughingly called the Government have put up fuel duty yet again in the first stage in the removal of government assistance to help families and businesses through the recession.

The Treasury is planning five tax rises worth more than £10 billion between now and the general election. It is also planning to end temporary schemes to ease the downturn, such as car scrappage.

Motorists will be the first affected, with the rise in fuel duty from tomorrow despite petrol prices of 105p a litre. This measure was delayed from last year because of high oil prices. It will generate £1.3 million a day in additional revenue for the Treasury, according to the AA, and means that the taxman takes 65 per cent of the price of a litre of petrol.

And don’t expect any help from the Tories:

The Conservatives said: “Family budgets are being squeezed yet further.” The party is consulting on plans for a “fair fuel stabiliser” to replace the current fuel tax regime, so that tax falls when the price rises, and rises when petrol prices fall. “This would protect the public finances from fluctuations in the international oil price and help families cope with rapid changes in the cost of living,” a spokesman said.

Or in other words there won’t be any reductions, the price will stay the same regardless of the price of oil.

So much for “helping” the electorate through the recession, or is it over and no one has told us?

Bastards.

Angus

AnglishLit

Angus Dei-NHS-THE OTHER SIDE

Angus Dei politico

A bit of “proper news”

Don’t get too excited, this may be just a one off, and it is just a series of links, and a few comments, so you will have to do some work yourselves.

First up:

The bastards are still ripping us off.

Energy suppliers overcharge customers by £100 - Telegraph

Garry Felgate, Chief Executive of the Energy Retail Association, which represents suppliers, said: “Energy suppliers do their utmost to ensure that their customers are protected from volatile energy markets, but they have to operate in an environment where the price of energy, the demands of a low carbon economy, and the need for huge investment in infrastructure compete.”


Yeah right, tell that to the families and the old and sick who won’t be able to heat their homes this winter.

Oh God they have brought it back.

Strictly Come Dancing

That inane waste of license fee payers’ money is returning, the cringe making, inept, two left footed “non-celebs” will amaze and amuse us with their terpsichorean trotting, presided over by Brucie ‘good game’ Forsythe dragged from his cryostasis chamber for yet another series.


Not on my bloody TV they won’t.



Which brings me nicely to:

Oh God they have brought it back 2

The X Factor

The Simon Cowell money machine is to return in opposition to the above, so we are left with a choice of stumbling “dancers” or wailing waifs for our Saturday night “entertainment”.

Can we not have some “proper” programs? Like some decent comedy or drama, or maybe even a film that isn’t in black and white?

Nessie seen on Google earth

Or not as the case may be

Yeah, and I have leprechauns at the bottom of my garden,

Taking the Piss

RAC Foundation: Government should consider motorway sell off

The motoring organisation has called for a shake up of how motorways and trunk roads are maintained and financed.

Errr; excuse me you Numptys, we already pay for maintenance, it’s called the ROAD FUND LICENSE.

And finally:

Lock it or the cops will nick it

Police taking valuables from unlocked cars to drive home anti-theft message

Oh yes, the Richmond upon Thames police are nicking “valuable items from unlocked cars to “teach people a lesson”, when the blaggers “remove” goods they leave a note in the car telling the owner that they can retrieve their possessions from Twickenham police station.

"We have had a bit problem with thefts from cars, so we decided to be a bit more innovative," said Superintendent Jim Davis, the officer behind the initiative.

If items are needed urgently, police will return the goods immediately.

"We want to stop people from being the victims of crime," he said. "We are not talking about £3 in loose change in the glove compartment; we are talking about cameras, laptops and expensive leather jackets. People would be far more upset if their property really was stolen."

Police are only removing items from unlocked cars. Where they see either an unlocked car or valuables left exposed in a locked vehicle, owners are being sent a letter advising them to take better care or their property.

So a thief can come along, see the note, know the car is unlocked and steal it, good thinking plod.

Angus

AnglishLit

Angus Dei-NHS-THE OTHER SIDE

Angus Dei politico