Dorries Dahn Unda: McAlpine goes after ITV: The Pax is back-nearly: TOTO and doo-doo: Insect watches: and Santa hangs about.

Volumes of ex-skywater, very little solar stuff, even less lack of cold and vast amounts of opaque stuff up above at the Castle this morn.

Last trip (or two) dahn the dump this day, loaded the Honda up yestermorn with all and sundry stuff, a pile of old wood, an old office chair and about ten empty paint tins, ain’t life grand...

 

Dahn Unda

Dorries has been put in a box with oodles of flies and things to move washers about with a magnet.

 

Oh joy, shame it wasn’t U-turn Cam’s other bollock....

 

And after Auntie (we) got stung for a lot of dosh

The lawyers of the lord of the building site McAlpine have decided to go after ITV for more than the £185,000 they took from our license fee. They contacted ITV after presenter Phillip Schofield handed the prime minister a list of alleged abusers live on the This Morning show on 8 November.

An ITV spokesman said: "We have received correspondence from Lord McAlpine's representatives and we will be responding in due course."

 

Others in the money magnet firing line include:

Comedian Alan Davies who has apologised to Lord McAlpine for naming him on Twitter in relation to the allegations.

Davies tweeted: "I've just written to Lord McAlpine to apologise for retweeting his name in relation to false allegations following a BBC investigation."

And a large number of Twitter users who made false claims.

 Wonder how much of our money he donated to “Children in Need”.

 

And talking about things that were untrue

According to Paxman who has apparently been orf shooting other television series.

He will definitely return to Newsnight, 'I have been away filming, but I will definitely be there on Wednesday (November 21),' he told the Sunday Telegraph.

 

Can’t wait for that...

 

East a lot to the land that has never-ever been affected by nuclear stuff

They are found in more than two-thirds of Japanese households and visitors to the country have marvelled at their heated seats, posterior shower jets and odour-masking function.

But for the company that has sold over 30 million high-tech toilets, commonly known as Washlets, global lavatory domination remains elusive, especially among shy US consumers.

The Washlet's functions, laid out on a computerised control panel with pictograms, include water jets with pressure and temperature controls, hot-air bottom dryers and ambient background music.

Another function produces a flushing sound to mask bodily noises -- a hit among the easily-embarrassed -- while some models have a lid that automatically swings open when users enter the restroom.

Others feature seats and lids that glide back into horizontal position, possibly solving gender battles over flipped-up toilet seats in the home.

Allegedly middle aged “Pop diva” Madonna gushed about Japanese culture during a 2005 visit and pointed to the Washlet as a key draw, saying "I've missed the heated toilet seats'' -- the kind of free marketing most companies dream about.

 

That’s got to be enough reason not to get one...

 

And still in the land of hygiene 

 

Tokyo Compression is an ongoing photo series by German-born artist Michael Wolf that shows daily commuters with their faces pressed against the steamy windows of Japan’s overcrowded subway trains.

Japan has one of the highest population densities in the world. Tokyo, its capital city, and the surrounding metropolitan area has a population of over 35 million, living in an area just 8,000 square kilometres in size.

 

They could do with a TOTO...or two...

 

Left a lot to the city of wind

 

JM Gershenson-Gates is a Chicago-based jeweller who creates accessories from discarded watch parts and old light bulbs, in a bid “to show the beauty of the mechanical world, a place generally hidden from the public behind metal and glass.”

On his website, Jason Gershenson-Gates says he has always been fascinated with mechanical things. The son of a “gearhead”, and the grandson of a railroad man, he used to always take apart his toys to see how they worked, but never seemed to be able to put them back together again. Nowadays, he takes apart old watches collected from all over the world and rearranges their parts into creepy crawly designs.

 

Rolled up newspaper time….

 

And finally: 

Back in bearded Blighty

Officials at Broad Street Mall in Reading, England say that Santa Claus chose to dangle from the ceiling on Saturday for at least 30 minutes instead of disappointing hundreds of children by removing his beard after his whiskers got stuck in a rappelling accident.

British Army soldier Steve Chessell had been commissioned to play the part of Santa and rappel through a mall skylight during the annual Christmas-lights switch-on show when things went horribly wrong, according to The Reading Chronicle.

“He could have just taken his beard off and let himself down but he was such a professional and he didn’t want to let the children down,” Broad Street Mall marketing manager Stephanie Maynard told the BBC. “He lost his footing as he came through the hole in the ceiling and there was a sudden jolt and he got caught in the clip on the rope.”

 

I would like to point out to anyone that believes in the Crimbo King that the very slim person in Santa’s suit is an imposter because the real one is busy at the Norf pole abusing dwarfs, elves and reindeer.

 

That’s it: I’m orf to have a look at “super Jupiter”

 

And today’s thought from my old mate Bernard

 

Wonder if it available for all MPs?

 

Angus

Patten of greed: Dorries Dahn Unda: U-Turn Cam says EU can wait: Lord of the aisles: Hotel Hell: Isa going to pray for rain: and Redemption coupons.

Lack of cold stuff, not a whimsy of atmospheric movement, even less solar stuff and loads of condensed skywater at the Castle this morn, still putting coloured stuff on the study walls, still collecting stuff for the “recycling centre”, still knackered, still nursing the left hip, still wishing that I never started decorating.

 

Ex Hong Kong big knob and now Aunties top trust knob

Chris (what recession) Patten is apparently under a smidge of pressure to bugger orf after it has emerged that he has more than one or two other jobs paying him an extra pile of cash a year on top of his £110,000 stipend from our license fee for three or four days a week.

.
Allegedly he gets nearly £80,000 a year as an adviser to oil giant BP for two meeting and advice, plus up to £40,000 from energy company EDF for four meetings. 

The BBC said: “Lord Patten is absolutely committed to sorting out the BBC’s problems. This is taking up the vast majority of his time at the moment. A number of his other roles only require two to three days a year.”


Yeah right....

 

And Dahn Unda

Last night it was my pleasure to watch Nadger Dorries munching away on a lambs testicle and other savouries such as an ostrich anus.

It seems that Nadine entered the jungle promising to bring serious political debate to the masses and claimed that it would provide her with a platform for discussing political issues, including her desire to see the abortion limit reduced to 20 weeks and her support for Boris Johnson.

 

Life’s a bollock isn’t it Nadine (I would like to point out that I only watch the “Bush tucker trials” containing darling Dorries, not the rest of the baarmy crap, ITV 9.30pm)

 

And staying with arsehole MPs

The Prime Monster has yet again postponed his EU referendum pledge he originally planned to deliver it as a 2015 election manifesto promise at October’s Tory conference, along with a vow to win back key powers.

Senior No10 sources last night admitted the PM’s EU speech may slip to January next year — but no later.

And his reason for his procrastination-it would upset other European leaders ahead of a budget showdown.

Maybe it was one of his balls Nadine munched on....

 

Over to the left a lot and up many, many feet

A United Airlines flight from Denver has landed safely in Washington, D.C., after its crew reported an emergency because a passenger began praying in an aisle.

KUSA-TV reports the plane was escorted by military jets after the crew declared the emergency. The plane landed Thursday at Dulles International Airport.

The Denver TV station reports that the crew made the decision because a male passenger started praying in the middle of an aisle. 

And the reason for all this panic?

United spokeswoman Megan McCarthy says a passenger wasn't following flight attendant instructions for landing.

 

Wing and a prayer?

 

Right a jot to the land of legal wacky baccy

 

There is a place where for $30 a night you can expect sod all:

Its website warns guests that: “The Hans Brinker Budget Hotel has been proudly disappointing travellers for forty years. Boasting levels of comfort comparable to a minimum-security prison, the Hans Brinker also offers some plumbing and an intermittently open canteen serving a wide range of dishes based on runny eggs”.

They are advised that a park bench may be a better option, and not to expect fresh air, any space, or luxuries like a large bed, TV or swimming pool.

The owners have called its broken elevators and lack of hot water “eco-friendly” and the hotel is also helping to save the planet by making guests dry themselves off with the curtains, saving washing of towels.

And "GUESTS book here at their own risk and will not hold the hotel liable for food poisoning, mental breakdowns, terminal illness, lost limbs, radiation poisoning, certain diseases associated with the 18th century, plague, and etcetera."


Amenities include:

- A basement bar with limited light and no fresh air.
- A concrete courtyard where you can relax and enjoy whatever sunshine is able to pass the high buildings on either side on the extremely infrequent days when it’s actually sunny.
- An elevator that almost never breaks down between floors.
- A bar serving slightly watered down beer.
- Amusing witticisms and speculations about former guests’ sexual preferences scrawled on most surfaces.
- The Hans Brinker Budget Hotel, Amsterdam Luxury Ambassadorial Suite (featuring the Hans Brinker’s one and only bathtub).
- Doors that lock.

Sounds like somewhere Dorries would enjoy.

 

Back Dahn Unda again

 

It's been hot and dry in Mt Isa lately. Extra hot and extra dry, in fact, the northwest Queensland mining city has been so hot and dry that locals have taken to their knees to pray for rain.

“I've got callouses on my knees I've been praying that hard," Mt Isa mayor Tony McGrady told news.com.au today.

Mayor McGrady has spent much of the week urging locals to attend today's official "Prayer for Rain" community meeting.

Now in its ninth year, the event got off to the best possible start in 2003 when 25mm of rain fell the night after the rain prayers, breaking one of the town's longest ever dry spells.

Things are almost as bad this year. Just 20mm of rain has fallen in Mt Isa in the last six months, and the Leichhardt River is bone dry.

If they want to pop over here with a bucket I could sell them a drop or two...

 

And finally:

 

Over to the Eastern bit of what is left of Europe

 

A Russian coupon site is offering a 50% Discount on Redemption just in time for the Mayan Apocalypse.

And more than a few Numptys have taken up the offer; over 100 people have bought the coupon.

According to the offer posted on Russian site Kupon Klub, it’s just 500 roubles ($16) for indulgences offered by an Italian Catholic church that has offered to pray for the forgiveness of your sins at half price.

All someone has to do is buy this holy coupon and send its unique number to an email address mentioned on site. No matter how much you’ve sinned over the years, you can buy just one coupon for yourself, but you can get as many as you want to have your loved-ones’ sins forgiven as well.

According to Lifenews.ru, the organizers of this campaign believe the number of sold coupons will be in the millions, but with 37 days to go to expiry, only 110 people have bought the discounted indulgence vouchers.

How much is $16 in proper money?

 

That’s it: I’m orf to see if my particles are decaying

 

And today’s thought:

Anyone seen my rear exit?

 

 

Angus