Royal cheeks-allegedly: Bin snooping? True lies: Racist Sarnies: Crèche and curses: Breast washing machine: and the Rose Galaxy.

Plenty of solar activity, even more lack of warm, much less atmospheric movement and nary a whimsy of skywater at the Castle this morn.

In response to overwhelming public demand (thanks AK Haart) you are still going to be subjected to my pointless rambles for a while yet (see yestermorn’s post).

And the interweb thingy seems to be going tits up-spotted the theme yet?

 

It seems that the Royal Norks thingy was legit after all, and being a bit of a breast man I still can’t see what all the fuss is about she doesn’t really have much to boast about, her minor Maj didn’t mind cavorting about in nearly nothing whist at Uni, but what really intrigues me is: What the hell is the tall, thin bald bloke doing in this pic? It isn’t about Norks but if this Piss Poor blog disappears overnight you will know that “they” don’t want snaps of the Royal arse bandied about the Blogosphere.

 

Still it seems that the mob at Buck House have pre-empted the problems by sending the pair out to places that are not very happy with non Muslims, a bit like sending dirty Harry out to Afghanistan after his photo session in Vegas-much less suspect than a car crash....

 

Apparently the Pickles bin police are still poking about in our refuse

Despite the Coalition's promises that councils' powers would be curbed thousands of people are still being fined over their household rubbish.

Ministers have repeatedly promised to stop councils levying fines of up to £1,000 on householders for minor infractions like leaving bins out on the wrong day.

But evidence from a survey using Freedom of Information laws by campaigners suggests that thousands of households are still being fined despite the pledges.

A report by the Manifesto Club, to be published on Monday, found that 88 out of 358 councils across the UK had issued “waste receptacle” fines in 2011/12.

Josie Appleton, director of the Manifesto Club, said: “Bin fines have become a money-making operation, rather than a last resort to deal with real offenders.

Under the current system, councils have the power to issue fixed penalty notices of up to £110, or push for criminal convictions and a fine of up to £1,000.

In one instance, a woman from central London was fined when she threw away one of her company’s bank statements into her household collection.

Sabine Guerry, who lives in Westminster, said she was fined for post relating to her own private company at her home address.

She said: “Westminster Council agents opened and searched my rubbish bag in front of my door, and found one bank statement from my company together with my personal waste.

“They deduced that this was “commercial” waste, took some pictures, and sent me an £80 fine for illegal commercial littering.

“They said I should have used a dedicated commercial bin bag, labelling who was collecting my rubbish. They seem to be suggesting that I employ somebody separately to take away my company’s bank statement.”

Westminster council said that it "would not fine a resident for simply putting rubbish in a bin", adding: "The only reason we would look through waste is if it has been dumped illegally, and to look for evidence of who dumped it.

 

Ah the old fly tipping ruse.....

 

Up in the Smoke

Anna Soubry, a health minister, has said that the Coalition “screwed up” over its controversial reforms of the NHS according to the Torygraph.

Miss Soubry, a junior health minister, made the frank remark in a private discussion with health service managers about reforms that will give GPs control of £80 billion of health spending.

It is the second outspoken statement Miss Soubry has made since her appointment ten days ago.

Last weekend, she angered some Conservative MPs by suggesting that euthanasia laws are “ridiculous” and should be changed to make it easier for the sick to end their own lives.

In a private question-and-answer session, she was asked about the way the Government had dealt with medical professionals and the Royal Colleges representing them over the reforms.

“We screwed up,” she replied, according to sources at the event.

Many of the colleges initially supported the reforms drawn up by Andrew Lansley, the former health secretary, but gradually withdrew their support.

That helped ensure the Health and Social Care Act had a bruising passage through Parliament and attracted significant public protest.

Some Conservatives fear the reform package has cost their party the public trust over health David Cameron tried to win in opposition.

 

And most of the voters...

 

Across the deepening salty thing on the left

According to Verenice Gutierrez, principal of Harvey Scott K-8 School Portland, Oregon peanut butter and jelly sandwiches carry racist connotations.

“Take the peanut butter sandwich, a seemingly innocent example a teacher used in a lesson last school year,” “What about Somali or Hispanic students, who might not eat sandwiches?” Gutierrez asked.

“Another way would be to say: ‘Americans eat peanut butter and jelly, do you have anything like that?’

The Tribune noted that the school started the New Year with "intensive staff trainings, frequent staff meetings, classroom observations and other initiatives," to help educators understand their own “white privilege,” in order to "change their teaching practices to boost minority students’ performance."

"Last Wednesday, the first day of the school year for staff, for example, the first item of business for teachers at Scott School was to have a Courageous Conversation — to examine a news article and discuss the 'white privilege' it conveys," the Tribune added.

 

Totally bleedin bonkers and this daft mare is in charge of a school!

 

Back in f#~^ing Blighty

Peter Capaldi and Alastair Campbell were left embarrassed when their sponsored swear-off for charity was accidentally broadcast to a crèche.

The Thick of It star and the former Downing Street press chief were appearing at a charity day at the headquarters of City trader BGC.

They were talked into the ‘swearathon’ in order to raise money for the Leukaemia and Lymphoma Research team, and their diatribes were broadcast across the entire building until organisers realised that they were audible in the children’s crèche downstairs from the trading floor.

Mr Campbell apologised to “the kids and their mums and dads, and anyone else who took offence”.

“Our only defence is that the traders looked in need of a laugh after a day spent trying to humour celebs, and we were raising money for our respective charities,” he added.

Campbell won his swear-off against the Glaswegian actor by managing to cram eleven uses of the f-word into a one-minute speech.

 

Only eleven, fucking useless...

 

Right a smidge and back quite a few chronological units

 

Comes the circa 1930s breast washer, which is apparently a massage device, which claims to prevent sagging, enlarge small breasts, shrink large breasts, and generally meet all your personal breast-care needs.

Wonder if they did one for chaps...

 And finally:

 

From the depths of the Universe

Comes an amazing Hubble bubble pic of the Rose Galaxy known as UGC 1810, it has a disk that is distorted into a rose-like shape by the gravitational tidal pull of the companion galaxy below it, known as UGC 1813.

 

Cool....

 

That’s it: I’m orf to check out the erbium-doped yttrium aluminium garnet injector thingy

 

And today’s thought:

That’ll teach her to have her nipples pierced

 

 

 

Angus

 

Sick of Lansley: Tata Nano: Great Tits for twitchers: Wahroonga blast: Four faces of time: Can’t believe me Mince Pies: Snoring Dormouse: and adopt a Swan.

Still misty, murky and miserable at the Castle this morn, the elbow still hurts, the study is overflowing with dodgy do-dahs and I have finally collected my new glasses. 

Apparently “bedside entertainment systems” are now installed at about half the NHS hospitals across the country.

And patients have to pay up to £5 per day to access phone, TV and email, but the worst thing about it is that the face of Andrew Lansley the Health Secretary appears on a loop on the in-house televisions in which he says “your care really matters to me”.

Mr Lansley’s message starts: “Hello, I’m Andrew Lansley, the Health Secretary. I just want to take a few moments to say that your care while you’re here in hospital really matters to me.”

Until individuals register, the television plays the message, which repeats every three or four minutes and comes complete with subtitles.

Just what you need when you have tubes inserted into every orifice-another arsehole....

And the world's cheapest motor car, India's Tata Nano, has been given a makeover, after disappointing sales since it was launched in 2009.

The 2012 Nano will be available in more colours and have more luxurious interiors, as part of an effort to rejuvenate its appeal.

The manufacturers also say the car will be more fuel-efficient.

Tata motors, which makes the Nano, also manufactures British luxury cars Jaguar and Land Rover.

The car's makers say they hope the new model will help to increase sales. The price of the car will remain the same.

It was launched in 2009, amid great fanfare as a car costing just 100,000 rupees ($1,979; £1,366). Tata owner Ratan Tata has described it as a "milestone" at the time.

At that price it will be more like a millstone....

Up in Cleveland

Twitchers from around the country descended on deserted headland near Redcar, Cleveland, after receiving a sighting of a rare Hume’s leaf warbler.

They set up cameras and telescopic lenses along the town’s South Gare hoping to catch sight of the Asian green and yellow bird as it hopped around bushes and rocks.

Then the Great Tits arrived-a blonde model in a thong sat astride a motorbike, posing for a shoot.

Two models also stripped off on the beach and the birdwatchers were left buzzing as they took advantage of the unexpected photo opportunity.

Bet there was a fair amount of “twitching” going on in the bushes for a while...

Dahn Unda

A gas explosion inside a car has injured a woman and blown debris to all ends of a suburban street in Sydney's north.

The 47-year-old female driver was parked on Clissold Road, Wahroonga when a can of butane caused a massive explosion about 1.20am this morning.

Monique Wells, 41, and her partner were woken by the blast that sent parts of the Toyota Prius all over the road and into their front yard.

"We were asleep and then we heard an explosion," Mrs Wells said. "I came running out, bare foot, and there was a lady in the car and her hair was all frazzled."

"She was trapped, she couldn't move in the car."

"I pulled my T-shirt off to put over her face because of all the smoke. I didn't know where all the smoke was coming from."

Mrs Wells discovered the back seat was on fire and her husband raced to put out the flames.

It’s a bloody Prius-let it burn...

Back in Blighty

Visitors to the Moor Shopping Centre in Brierley Hill, West Midlands, are being left baffled by a clock which shows four times - all of them wrong.

The Millennium Clock was built to celebrate the arrival of the ‘noughties’ but has not shown the right time for 11 years, it has been claimed.

Last week, one face was 31min slow, a second was 33min slow, the third was 1hr 46min fast and the fourth was 2hr fast.

Tock tick, tick tock.

Dahn in the Smoke

The world's most valuable mince pie is to go on show at a shopping centre in London.

The £3,000 mince pie was made using traditional ingredients from recipes dating back to the 17th century.

They include the highest-grade platinum leaf, holy water from Lourdes to bind the pastry, vanilla beans and cinnamon from eastern spice markets, and ambergris sugar which is derived from sperm whale secretions.

It also contains a solid platinum coin in keeping with the British tradition of placing a silver coin in a Christmas cake or pudding.

It took ten days for Andrew Stellitano, who runs food design company Astarism, to make the exclusive mince pie.

The pie will be on display for a month at the Marvellous Mince Pie Manufactory in The Exchange shopping centre in Ilford.

It's said to be worth £3,000 but will go to the winner of a prize draw on December 19.

 
Wonder if they do a sugar free version......

Dahn even more

Footage of a snoring Surrey dormouse curled up in the palm of man's hand has been viewed more than 146,000 times on YouTube.

The 31-second clip shows the rodent gently rocking as with his eyes closed and little paws tucked in he takes deep breaths, while being cradled in the hand of a nature officer, who gently strokes the top of his head with his thumb.

The dormouse was in a deep sleep when he was discovered by the Surrey Wildlife Trust during a survey of nesting boxes in woods near Leatherhead.

He did not wake up when he was taken out to be weighed - and carried on snoring while ecologists recorded this video.

However the camera failed to capture the sound of the snore, described by SWT mammal project officer Dave Williams as "a loud whistle."

Glad about that, I thought I had gone deaf....

And finally:

Apparently

The latest thing for Crimbo is to adopt a swan, click on the link above and give a loved one a bleedin great white bird that is bad tempered, anti social and belongs to her Maj.

Now if it was to adopt one of the Great Tits....... 

That’s it: I’m orf to get some near-infrared emitting substance

And today’s thought: What's the difference between an oral thermometer and a rectal thermometer?

The taste.

Angus 

It doesn’t add up: No Big Society-Yet: Great Tits: Bum cracks banned: Kebab and a bit: and Dressing down in Japan.

Yet another spiffing start to the day at the Castle this morn, sunny, warm, calm and comfy, the kitchen is almost empty of broken thingies, and the garden is looking rosy.

My Orange internet connection went live last dark thing, which is why I am a bit late because the “installation disc” that came with my new wireless router wasn’t recognised by bleedin Vista so I had to install it manually, but all is now well and I have W.W.W. speed of near light. 

I have noticed that the Blue Tits, Sparrows, Chaffinch’s and Gold finches seem to have disappeared, they no longer visit for nuts, fat balls and a swim in the birdbath.

Maybe they are on holiday….. 

And his majesty finally crashed out at about 8pm.

 OCR- the knobs that set exam questions seem to have made a Pig’s ear of one Maths problem.

An "unfortunate error" meant maths students were set a question that was impossible to answer in an AS-level exam.

Just fewer than 6,800 teenagers took the paper - set by the OCR exam body - last Thursday.

The error was in an exam paper taken in 335 schools and other exam centres in England, Wales and Northern Ireland and carried eight marks out of 72 being awarded for the paper.

OCR has said it deeply regrets the "unfortunate error" and says it has a range of procedures in place to ensure candidates are not disadvantaged.

A spokeswoman said: "We very much regret that there was a mistake... and that our quality assurance procedures failed to identify this error. 

What “quality assurance”? 

And the question:

Verify the shortest route, for two given conditions, giving values of 32.4 + 2x km and 34.2 + x km. These values should have been 34.3 + 2x km and 36.1 + x km respectively.

The error was not to have included twice the journey between A and B (0.9 km) and the journey between F and G (1.0 km) in the values given.

 Err: right….

 And U-Turn Cams “Big Society” white paper has been put on the back burner.

Apparently “problems” with NHS reforms and opposition from the Liberal Democrats have forced the paper's publication back until July.

In February U-Turn Cam wrote that the white paper would "put in place principles that will signal the decisive end of the old-fashioned, top-down, take-what-you're-given model of public services".

And he wants to place the "burden of proof" on the state to justify why it should ever hold a monopoly on any public service. 

So the NHS won’t be privatised then?

 Back to big Tits

A traffic cone has become the must-have des-res for a family of great tits, who moved into the red and white object in the main driveway of the grounds of Holt Hall, Norfolk.

Chris Blake, head gardener at the field studies centre, lifted the cone to cut the grass and found nine eggs in a nest.

Two weeks later, after a bit of tender loving care from their doting mother, they all hatched into healthy chicks.

The birds have now flown the impromptu nest, leaving the cone free for its next residents to move in - but Mr Blake might just move it to a quieter area so he can mow the lawn. 

So that’s where they have all gone.

 Over to the lone star state

There's no law in Fort Worth, Texas against wearing saggy baggy pants but a new code of conduct prohibits sagging on city buses, myFOXdfw.com reported Wednesday.

Just like the requirement for a shirt and shoes, now those who want to ride "The T" actually have to wear their pants. It's not a campaign. It's the Fort Worth Transportation Authority's new policy.

The authority said if a person refuses to abide by the rule they will be asked leave the loading premises. Otherwise they are considered trespassing.

But the two week old rule is catching some resistance.

Saggy pants fan De'Shawn Miller said he doesn't understand the problem.

"This is something we grew up into," the 16-year-old said. "That's why they don't tell us nothing about sagging. We gonna sag regardless. We ain't disrespectful. That's how we were raised." 

Obviously not with the English language, nor with consideration for others…

Back in Blighty

British chef Andy Bates says he has sourced some of the finest ingredients on the planet - including milk-fed lamb from the Pyrenees - for his creation.

The humble kebab has well and truly had a high-class makeover, with its champagne-infused mint and cucumber yoghurt, and micro cress and lettuce salad.

It also comes with gold-leaf garnish, couer de boeuf tomatoes and barrel-aged yew's feta cheese - a far cry from a few shavings from the traditional elephant's leg rotisseries in most British late-night eateries.

The impressively-expensive dish was unveiled at the launch of the Great Truck Race, a new TV programme focusing on the increasing popularity of the street food truck trend.

It was created to demonstrate how standard street fare can be given a gourmet makeover.

The man behind the king of kebabs said: 'It took a fair bit of time to source the best possible ingredients to ensure that this kebab was the most exclusive one out there, but I loved every minute.'

 And the cost of this “gourmet titbit”-£750.

 And finally: 

East oodles of non metric units

The Japanese government is trying to set a trend by encouraging people to dress casually for work this summer to save energy.

Super Cool Biz has been launched this week with a fashion show in Tokyo to promote the concept.

Models hit the catwalk with examples of energy-friendly work-dress.

Women are encouraged to wear open-toe sandals and men to ditch the traditional tie, a mainstay of Japanese business culture.

The government hopes the move will allow companies to limit the use of air conditioning systems.

"As we are lacking electricity, the Japanese government is asking for a 15% reduction in electricity consumption," environment minister Ryu Matsumoto said.

Energising fashion? 

That’s it: I’m orf to train a Vulture. 

And today’s thought: "It's so bad being homeless in winter. They should go somewhere warm like the Caribbean where they can eat fresh fish all day." - Lady Victoria Hervey

 Angus