Article 50: Salad days in Toronto: A load of bull: Pokemon Pratt: Monkey see-monkey vote and even more Bull.

Much lack of warm, a whimsy of atmospheric movement, even less skywater and Dawns crack is quite wide at the Castle this morn.

The temperature has finally dropped below 30c (or 86 in C of  E) which means that poor old Angus can finally operate within “normal” parameters and his Maj can move about without collapsing in a panting heap.

Oh to be in Blighty now that summers has come-and gorn-probably

                                             The Brexit bollocks is still dragging its feet

But apparently if the new Prime Monster gets orf her arse we could get out much faster- 

Theoretically, there is nothing to stop a British Government unilaterally withdrawing from the EU by simply repealing the 1972 European Communities Act. Article 50 compels only the EU to seek a negotiation, not the withdrawing member state. 

So come on May get us out and “negotiate” later, after all Blighty managed to survive for many-many years before the EU and it will survive after.

Meanwhile lots of miles to the left and up quite a lot

Police have charged a 52-year-old Brampton, Ont., man with careless driving after a transport truck carrying large vats of salad dressing rolled over on a busy Toronto highway while making a turn.

The single-vehicle crash caused a flood of thick neon green and white sludge to spill over the road as the truck lay on its side.

Ontario Provincial Police Sgt. Kerry Schmidt says the incident took place at about 11 a.m. on Tuesday and left the driver of the vehicle with just a few cuts and scrapes.

He says the truck was "fully loaded" with bulk loads of salad dressing, mayonnaise and other food products.

Crews spent the whole afternoon at the scene of the crash (at the Don Valley Parkway northbound ramp to Highway 401 West) cleaning up the mess.

And having lunch-probably.

Right oodles of KMs and dahn a bit

A Spanish bullfighter is seriously ill in hospital after being gored three times in a horrific onslaught which saw a bull’s horn pierce his lung.

The incident comes a fortnight after Victor Barrio was killed in the ring.

Pablo Belando, 26, was “very serious” after being gored in his chest, leg and buttocks in Madrid’s famous Las Ventas bullring.

Twatt....

Right even more units of length and dahn a lot

JAKARTA, Indonesia -- Indonesian police say they detained a Frenchman who trespassed on a military base while playing the augmented reality game Pokemon Go.

A spokesman for West Java police said that Romain Pierre, 27, was caught at a checkpoint on Monday evening after initially running away when challenged by security guards at the military complex in Cirebon.

Pierre was released a few hours later because it became apparent "he unintentionally entered the complex as he was hunting Pokemon while jogging," the police spokesman, Col. Yusri Yunus, said Tuesday.

Le Pratt....

 Still in the same area-ish

BANGKOK -- Election officials in northern Thailand think they can buy off a gang of monkey vandals with fresh fruit and vegetables, after about 100 macaques tore up voter lists publicly posted ahead of next month's referendum on a proposed constitution.

District official Surachai Maneeprakorn said a large population of the monkeys lives behind the Buddhist temple where the polling station they raided Sunday is set up in an open hall.

"For some reason they were being very naughty and started tearing up the lists," he said.

Local officials brought the animals food Monday, and hope that if that does not deter them, then newly installed sliding glass doors protecting the reposted lists might, said Phichit district election official Prayoon Jakkraphatcharakul.

I do love an optimist......

And finally:

Back over to what’s left of the EU

Six foreigners, including three Americans, were among seven people gored in a second running of thebulls at Pamplona’s San Fermin festival, according to the Navarra regional government.

A 58-year-old Spaniard identified only by the initials FLR, a 73-year-old South African man 

identified as MHO, and a 48-year-old Canadian with the initials PCO were in serious condition, a statement said.

The regional government said one American, 55 and identified by the initials PGO, and another, aged 23 with the initials WRO, were gored but their injuries were reported to be less serious. A third American, a 46-year-old with the initials JGO, and a 26-year-old Indian, with the initials NSO, were also said to have sustained less serious injuries.

The regional government said nine others were taken to city hospitals for injuries from the run. Several of the six bulls used in the event became separated from the pack moments into the 8am run and began charging people in their way.

A mass of Twatts identified by the initials F------ I-----

That’s it: I’m orf to get my hips replaced

And today’s thought:

"Expecting the world to treat you fairly because you are good is like expecting the bull not to charge because you are a vegetarian."
~ Dennis Wholey ~ 

Angus

Transformer Monkey: Wash this: What a Wanker and Free the Nipple.

Not a glimpse of Dawn’s crack, nary a whimsy of atmospheric movement, even less lack of warm and a promise of skywater at the castle this morn.

 

Poor old Angus is doing OK, the garden is up to scratch the French racing green motor passed the mot after having a new cat fitted (I did offer his Maj as a replacement but they declined), the cat cost £46 and they charged me £100 to fit it, and then £46 for the mot, and then £40 VAT for the privilege-life in Blighty....

Tomorrow is the annual old farts Canadian Grand Prix gathering at my rich git of a mate's place up in Chobham, where we will do the usual, a trip to the Thames, up and dahn a bit, lunch at the pub then back to his house to watch said race on his 60 inch 4k TV.

When we started this there were five or sometimes six of us, this year we are dahn to three-the others having popped orf this mortal coil will not be attending (maybe in spirit) so we are going to have a sweepstake to see who is left for next year.

 

East a long way and dahn quite a lot more

 

Apparently a monkey caused a three-hour nationwide blackout, according to Kenyan officials.

The Kenya Electricity Generation Company said in a statement late Tuesday that a monkey climbed onto the roof of the Gitaru Power Station and fell onto a transformer, tripping it.

The company said this resulted in the loss of 180MW from the plant, triggering a national blackout. The statement did not say whether the monkey survived.

The blackout lasted more than three hours Tuesday before power was restored.

The company said that its facility is secured with an electric fence.

"We regret this isolated incident and the company is looking at ways of further enhancing security at all our power plants," the firm added.

Kenyan businesses regularly complain that power cuts — due to its aging grid — and unreliable supplies make them uncompetitive and hurt growth.

 

Shocking....... (What?)

 

Up quite a lot and right just as much

 

Fire-fighters in southeast China's Fujian province responded to an unusual kind of emergency Sunday -- a man had gotten his head stuck inside a washing machine.

Luckily, he was pulled out by a team of fire-fighters after less than an hour, according to the official Weibo social media account of Fuzhou City's Fire Department.

 

The fire-fighters separated the drum from the washing machine to free the man.

 

This unidentified man accidentally got his head stuck inside the machine while trying to fix the drum, the Fire Department's statement said.

 

Twat.....

 

Left an enormous amount to the land of the brave and the home of the free

 

A Bronx hospital worker found dead by a colleague may have died of a heart attack while masturbating, police sources said Wednesday.

The 48-year-old man was found about 10 a.m. Tuesday in a remote area of North Central Bronx Hospital.

A source said no foul play was suspected and that it appeared the man had partly disrobed and was watching pornography on a computer when he died.

 

And I thought it made you blind.....

 

And finally:

 

Back in Brexit-Bremain Blighty

 

Two hundred women and men gathered around Brighton Beach to highlight controversial social media policies about banning female nipples.

The afternoon march started from Brighton Pier, and then headed along the East Sussex city seafront before stopping on the beach – where everybody sunbathed topless.

One member who attended the event said: ‘It was lovely, I felt proud and fantastic.


The event was organized by comedian Samantha Pressdee, who came to Brighton with her one-woman comedy show about nudity and sexuality.


Samantha said: ‘I’ve been a member of the Free The Nipple campaign over the past year.


‘I joined the campaign to challenge the way women’s breasts were perceived.

‘Breasts have been sexualized and the point of this campaign is that they don’t have to sexual.’

Whatever; does anyone care apart from the campaigners?

 

That’s it: I’m orf to stone my CO2.

 

And today’s thought: "Why is it when we talk to God we're praying, but when God talks to us, we're schizophrenic?"
~ Lily Tomlin ~

 

Angus

Top Gear in reverse: More for the EU: Graduating to free work: Big Pussy up North: Stainless virgin: Finger painting: and a stuffed Monkey.

Cold, damp and a smidge dismal at the Castle this morn, things are springing up in the garden that shouldn’t be there until...well spring, and I have purchased a couple of vandalism tools-an axe and a three foot bow saw which will come in very useful when I do a bit of “pruning”. 

The new android phone is not bad, gets the internet OK, works well on hands free, has loads of “apps”-you tube, Google etc, and even makes phone calls...

And Blogger is behaving itself today.

Top Gear is in the wars again

This time the “presenters” have managed to piss orf the whole of India.

During the 90 minute programme, Numpty Clarkson, one of the BBC’s highest paid stars, was filmed speaking to locals while operating a trouser press in his boxer shorts and with a Jaguar with a lavatory fixed to the boot.

The programme makers also put banners on trains reading: “British IT is good for your company”. Another said: “Eat English muffins”. The messages became obscene when the carriages parted, ripping the signs-“shIT is good for your company, and “eat English muff”.

21 July 2011

Letter from Chris Hale, producer, Top Gear to Indian High Commission, London

“Jeremy Clarkson, Richard Hammond and James May will travel across India in three cars filming a light hearted road trip focusing on the journey and the inevitable idiosynacies of the cars they will drive, as well as the country and scenary we see along the way.

“There will be spontaneous interaction between the presenters and their environment, and potentially people they meet along the way. This will be in an incidental manner, not interviews.

“Key ingredients of what we film will be beautiful scenery, busy city scenes, local charm and colour within these locations, areas to illustrate the local car culture that exists in India.”

6 January 2012

Letter from Indian High Commission, London to Chris Hale, producer, Top Gear

cc Mark Thompson, director general, BBC

“The programme was replete with cheap jibes, tasteless humour and lacked cultural sensitivity. This is not clearly what we expect of the BBC. I write this to convey our deep disappointment over the documentary for its content and the tone of the presentation.

“You are clearly in breach of the agreement that you had entered into, completely negating our constructive and proactive facilitation. We strongly protest and expect the BBC to make amends, especially to assuage the hurt sentiments of a large number of people.”

No sense of humour these sub-continentals...

And:

Son of a B....aronet (and alien reptile in disguise) George (my dad’s richer than your dad) Osborne reckons that Britain may need to pour billions of pounds into the International Monetary Fund to give it the resources to deal with more financial crises.

The “chancellor” told MPs, in an appearance before the Treasury select committee, that Britain would be willing to make a contribution if there was a "well-argued case put forward". But he stressed that any extra funds must be used for general purposes, and not to bail out troubled eurozone countries directly – and reminded MPs that he might have to go parliament for approval for any sizable contribution.

"If it is a good case then ourselves and other countries like Japan, like Australia, will look at that, I am sure, favourably,"

Go and get a proper job Osborne.

 

Up in Brummy land

Cait Reilly, who has been looking for work since leaving Birmingham University, was volunteering at a museum until she was ordered to take a work placement at a Poundland store in the city.

The geology graduate spent two weeks stacking shelves and sweeping floors after being told she could lose her benefits if she did not accept the ‘mandatory’ post. She is now asking the High Court to quash regulations that her lawyers claim were created by the government ‘without parliamentary authority’ and ‘forces people into futile, unpaid labour for weeks or months at a time’.

 

The 22-year-old, who was not offered an interview following her placement, told her Jobcentre Plus adviser of her previous retail experience and that she did not want to give up volunteering at the Birmingham Museum and Art Gallery.

 

The Department for Work and Pensions said: ‘Our priority is to help people off benefits and into work. It is simply absurd to suggest that we should not be providing this support and effectively leaving people at home doing nothing.’

 

Poundland was unavailable for comment last night but said earlier: ‘Our partnership with JobCentre Plus is a positive step to get people back into work.’

Yeah right; especiallyif they don't have to pay them...

Up North-ish 

Dog walkers discovered the mutilated carcass of a roe deer on National Trust land near Stroud last week.

The injuries to the neck of the deer and the way the carcass had been consumed are believed to be highly indicative of big cat activity.

Experts have taken DNA samples from the remains of the deer to see whether a big cat, such as a puma or panther, could have killed it.

Local big cat expert Rick Minter, who has visited the site of the discovery at Woodchester Park, said: "It is very helpful to have this forensic study of the deer carcass.

According to Mr Minter "In the event of a close-up encounter, you should stay calm and face towards the animal as you back off, but not threaten or aggravate it.

"The chances are it will have backed off very quickly first."

I do like an optimist....

Over to the warm bit at the bottom of the new world

Some people say they've seen the likeness of the Virgin Mary in a stainless steel wall at a Tampa restaurant coincidentally named Hamburger Mary's,

Streaks on the shiny wall near the kitchen bore an uncanny resemblance to the Madonna, according to two women eating lunch in a nearby booth, The Tampa Tribune says.

The holy vision was so powerful that one woman wept, according to a manager who talked to The Tribune. Both ladies took pictures to savour the moment.

It hasn't exactly become a pilgrimage site like Lourdes, but word has spread in recent days and customers have been eager to see the wall, according to The Tribune.

Some might be surprised that the so-called Mother of God appeared at a diner known for gay karaoke nights and drag-queen shows, but hey, the Lord works in mysterious ways.

No shit.....

Dahn a fair bit

A street artist, who creates amazing landscape pictures in just three minutes despite using nothing but his fingers, has become an online hit.

Fabian Gaete Maureira, from Chile, paints 'fingerscape' images containing mountains, waterfalls, trees and sunsets without picking up a paint brush.

Instead he simply dips his fingers in paint and then applies it directly to sheets of glass rather than canvas.

 Handy.....

 And finally: 

Up a lot

Preston James Phipps was detained by a police officer after he hit the cop with a stuffed monkey.

Police officer Andrew Pirtle was struck by the stuffed animal toy after trying to arrest 24-year-old Mr Phipps, a resident of Des Moines in Iowa, who was seen by Pirtle after robbing a corner store.  

Officer Pirtle had reported seeing Mr Phipps walking out of the store carrying two stuffed animals, but thought nothing of it. It wasn't until he was later informed about a robbery involving the toys that he reacted.

Pirtle approached Mr Phipps questioning him about his recent whereabouts on the Saturday night when the incident took place. It was at this point when the 24-year-old became aggressive towards the officer giving him a right hook... with the stuffed monkey he was holding.

Police reports revealed that Mr Phipps had entered the Git-N-Go convenience store robbing it of not only the two fluffy toys, but also a pair of sunglasses and double packs of smokeless tobacco.

He was charged with fifth-degree theft, disorderly conduct and assault on a police officer.

The monkey was unharmed....

That’s it: I’m orf to wind up the Doomsday clock.

And today’s thought:

Angus