Mali marauder: Go Debt goes over the top: £150 Bacon butty: 15 Women and Jesus: Bad investment: Herr Boobs: and The Kitchen Thing.

Massive amounts of lack of warm, monumental amounts of atmospheric movement, more than enough skywater and miserly amounts of solar stuff at the Castle this morn, you may be pleased to know that my “mellow” period is now over and all is back to “normal” or not.

 

His Maj had a bit of a relapse over the weekend and I had to take him back to the nice Vet chap yestermorn who gave him another “once over” jabbed him with some anti inflammatories and antibiotics and shoved the equivalent of a broom handle up his rear exit (his Maj not the nice Vet chap), and sent us away with some bug killer that I have to “administer” either into his Maj’s mouth or on his food.

 I do like an optimist, but the snuffling is getting better and his Maj isn’t doing too badly either.

 

Allegedly the Prime Monster is all for giving the French even more of a helping hand in Mali

U-turn Cam has assured Francois Hollande, the French president, that he “fully” supports his government’s attempt to oust Islamist militants in the North African state.

An “official spokesman” indicated that the UK could now send more military assets to Mali.

Apparently “we” are ready to offer logistical, intelligence and surveillance help to France, as well as troops for a proposed EU mission to train the Malian army - although he has ruled out a combat role for British personnel.

Downing Street reiterated that no UK troops will be put into a combat role in Mali.

 

That’s nice: it must be recompense for all the help the French gave us in the Falklands.....

 

Dahn ‘ere in ‘Ampshire

Widow Brenda Caines, from Warsash was chased for a £97,000 debt which had grown from a £3,600 car loan originally taken out by her late husband.

Phil Caines started an agreement in 2004 for a 1998 Vauxhall Vectra with Yes Car Credit; returning the car when he fell behind on repayments.

Yes Car Credit closed and the debt was transferred to a purchasing company.

Shortly afterwards, Mrs Caines remortgaged her home to pay for a new kitchen and added her husband's name to the deeds.

She was unaware he was in financial difficulty and about to be declared bankrupt.

Mr Caines died suddenly in 2009 and his debt was transferred to his wife.

Go Debt, who bought the debt from the Yes Car Credit and began pursuing Mrs Caines for the money.

By this time, solicitor and trustee fees had seen the debt grow to £97,000.

The BBC's Inside Out programme took Mrs Caines' case to consumer lawyers who, following months of negotiations, managed to save her home.

Solicitor Dean Dunham said: "a £97,000 fee on a £6,000 bankruptcy is not right”.

Mr Dunham has also managed to reduce her debt to £20,000, including trustee fees of £10,000.

In a statement, the trustee's office said: "Since being appointed in June 2010, the trustee has taken every step to fulfil his statutory duties as sensitively as possible.

 

Go Debt declined to comment-now there’s a surprise, no wonder Blighty is such a shit hole....

 

But if you are not being chased by the “financial sector”

You could throw caution to the wind and treat yourself to a nice bacon butty at the miserly cost of 150 squids, Made from rare breed bacon topped with black truffle, it is finished with saffron and a dusting of real gold on the bun.

The snazzy snack – dubbed Bacon Bling – was created by restaurateur Paul Phillips, 41.

He got the idea from TV shows about pimped-up street food in the US, where a New York restaurant sold a hamburger for £2,839.

“I’ve never seen a bacon butty on these shows so I decided to make one,” he said.

Now he hopes he will get into Guinness World Records with the super sarnie, which is on the menu at Tangberry’s in Cheltenham, Glos – with proceeds going to charity.

 

Piggin expensive though.....

 

West to the home of God and the land of robbers

 

 

15 women gathered at Jacquie Hagler’s house for a jewellery party when a gun wielding “intruder” burst in, "It's only a water gun," one attendee reportedly said, while brushing away the firearm allegedly brandished by Derick Lee, who entered the home wearing a ski mask and bandana across his face.

Witnesses say Lee then held the gun to the woman’s head and announced, "I'm not joking, I'm going to shoot someone, give me your money." He even showed the women some of the bullets loaded into his gun before they could be convinced the robbery attempt was real.

And the bible bashing ladies response:

"When I realized what was going on, I stood up and said, 'In the name of Jesus, get out of my house now,'” Hagler told WJXT-TV. And he said, 'I'm going to shoot someone.' And I said it again, real boldly," Hagler continued. "Everybody started chanting, 'Jesus, Jesus, Jesus,' and he did a quick scan of the room, and ran out the door as fast as he could go."

Lee, 24, was arrested Friday night at his home and identified by several of the jewellery party attendees during a police photo line-up. He’s currently being held on a $200,000 bond.

 

Don’t mess with the “word” especially when there are fifteen women chanting it.

 

Dahn in Dorset

Karl Baxter snapped up a bargain batch of 10,000 DVDs about one of the world’s most famous sportsmen hoping for nice profit.

Unfortunately he is facing a £10,000 loss on the deal – because the star he planned to cash in on was shamed cyclist Lance Armstrong.

Karl, 36, has been unable to sell a single DVD since the American confessed he used drugs to win his seven Tour de France titles.

Having bought the DVDs for £1 each wholesale, he hoped to sell them for £3. Now he has slashed the asking price to 30p, which would still leave him £7,000 out of pocket.

Karl said ““I bought them at a good price for about £1 each about four months ago”.

“The idea was to sell them in small job lots of 100 for about £3 each, so traders could go on eBay, Amazon, or car boot sales and sell them on. There was a slight amount of risk and a gamble because there was a suspicion, but he wasn’t admitting to it, so I put them on the website last week.”

The Science of Lance Armstrong, made in 2006 by the Discovery Channel, tells how Armstrong’s “winning strategies” were developed and looks at technology cyclists can use to help them go faster.

 

Especially the kind of “technology” that comes in tablet form.....

 

East to the land of odd office carpets

Members of an elite German military Guards battalion have been presenting to the doctor with an unusual problem: man boobs.

Dozens of soldiers in the Wachbataillon unit are said to be suffering from gynecomastia, on the left side only, reports the German Herald.

The problem is said to be caused in this case by the repetitive slamming of heavy rifles into the soldiers’ chests during drills.

The action stimulates glands to produce hormones which lead to growth of breast tissue. A positive diagnosis of gynecomastia has been made in 74 per cent of cases where battalion members presented with concerns.

Director of plastic surgery at the military hospital in Berlin, Professor Bjorn Krapohl, confirmed: "There is a very significant link between the activity in the Guard Battalion and the development of the breast on the left side.

"They need to change the way they drill. The constant slamming of the rifles against the left hand side of the chest is clearly a significant factor," he added.

Army officials are investigating and say they will modify the drills if necessary.

 

Or they could invent half a bra for the Herr boobs.

 

And finally:

 

From somewhere in the world

Comes the essential gadget for your culinary space-the Kitchen “thing”.

 

 

That’s it I’m orf to check out my Twatter page-just in case

 

Today’s thought:

Bacon rules

 

 

And today’s mellow melody:

 

 

Angus

Bank of Bollocks: Pension properties: Not bringing home the bacon (or sausages): Nipple checks: ‘Eel not do that again: and a Teenage wanker who won’t be able to...

Dark, more than damp, dingy and drear at the Castle this morn, a surprising amount of lack of cold and double that amount of non atmospheric movement.

Had a day out with a few mates yesterday-it pissed dahn all day and all evening and all night.

 And Blogger is being a right pain in the Asaragus...hence the piss poor formatting...

I see that Three Core Cable

 

Is about to give £1 billion of our loot to try to help firms struggling to borrow from traditional high street banks.

He claims the business bank will be a “lasting monument” underlining the need for fundamental reform of the banking system in the wake of the credit crisis.

There have been widespread complaints from small and medium-sized firms that banks are blocking access to finance and hindering their ability to expand.

According to the old fart “I am working with the Chancellor to develop a state-backed institution that will combine up to £1 billion of new government capital with a larger private sector contribution.”

 

Ye-fucking Gods! Here’s an idea-why not get back £1 billion of our money given to the Wanker Bankers and use that?

 

And according to What’s His Name

 

Middle-class parents and grandparents will be able to use money from their pension funds to give grown-up children a deposit to get on the housing ladder, the Liberal Democrats have promised.

The Deputy Prime Monster, revealed details of the “pensions for property” scheme at the Lib Dem conference in Brighton.

The scheme will be targeted at parents who have built up a pension fund worth around £40,000 and are nearing retirement.

Lib Dem officials estimated that around 250,000 households have pension assets of around that value.

They include many public sector workers including teachers and nurses.

Pension schemes typically allow members to take around a quarter of the value of the fund in a lump sum when they retire.

Some people use the money for home improvements, holidays or cars. Ministers said the scheme would allow them to forego such things and help their children instead.

Under the new scheme, parents would sign an agreement with their child’s mortgage lender promising that the lump sum will go towards the cost of the child’s home.

So a parent with a £40,000 pension pot would be able to promise £10,000 as a deposit on a child’s first home.

 

Have I slipped into an alternative universe while I was sleeping?

 

 

 

 

And allegedly

 

 

 

  

 

 

Blighty is facing a bacon and sausage shortage as pig farmers reduce the size of their herds due to the

soaring price of feed.

A mass cull is under way among farmers who can no longer afford to feed their animals, according to the National Pig Association.

Droughts in North America and Russia have caused a global failure in the grain crop used for animal feed, pushing up the price.

The National Pig Association predicts Britain’s breeding stock will shrink by more than eight per cent by Christmas.

Chairman Richard Longthorp said: ‘There will be a shortage of pigs very soon and that will lead to spiralling prices.’

 

Piggin breakfast-or not...

 

East to the land of lots of things

 

It seems that beauty contests are a tad different in China, as well as measuring the contestant’s chest, waist, and hips an extra bit-the distance between nipples, if the nipples are not at least 20 centimetres apart, then the contestant is out.

 

Yet another job I have missed out on….

 

 

 

 

Dahn Unda, and right a bit 

 

 

 

 

A man with an eel lodged in his bottom has shown up at a New Zealand emergency department 

 

asking for help.

 

The unnamed man presented himself at the Auckland City Hospital for treatment last week, the New Zealand Herald reported.

 

X-rays revealed the eel "about the size of a decent sprig of asparagus," a hospital source told the newspaper.

 

The eel was removed and the man went on his way. The hospital confirmed the story to the newspaper, but revealed no further details in order to protect the man's privacy.

 

It was not clear how the eel had found its way inside the man. According to the newspaper, eels are secretive, nocturnal and prefer habitats with plenty of cover.

 

  

Bum Asparagus?

  

   

 

And finally:

 

Right a lot to the home of the gun and the land of no balls

 

 

 

 

  

 

 

 A teenager accidentally shot himself in the penis and testicle while cleaning his new gun.

 

Michael Smeriglio had reportedly not had the gun for longer than a month when the bizarre (and painful) accident happened.

 

While cleaning his weapon 9the gun, not his knob) 18-year-old Smeriglio somehow pulled the trigger and fired a shot which went through his penis and left testicle.

 

 

Doctors say the bullet ended up getting lodged in his thigh, though Smeriglio is now recovering from the ordeal.

 

 

During their investigation of the incident, police reportedly found marijuana in the house.

 

 

Stone me, what a Plonker...

That’s it: I’m orf to print out a new motor...

And today’s thought:

Bye-bye cruel world...

 

 

 

 

 

  

 

Angus 

 

 

More bonus bollocks: Tesco wants you (for nothing): Anti-terror emails: Balloon blackout: Iron Egg Skill: Iowan bacon festival: and Flying fat tax.

Cold and clear with a thick layer of white crusty stuff at the Castle this morn, fat teenagers are sliding into the furnace faster than the “new” thingy at CERN and his Maj has discovered the joy of ambush from under the four poster.

Up in the Ministry of what is left of defence

Allegedly Ministry of Defence civil servants have been awarded £40 million in bonuses despite fierce criticism of the department.

One senior civil servant was awarded an £85,831 bonus on top of their six-figure salary - at the same time as members of the armed forces have been subject to a two-year pay freeze and 20,000 are to be made redundant.

The bonuses have been paid since April last year and have seen more than 55,000 officials awarded extra payments for their performance - out of a payroll of 83,000.

In other departments-

Department of Work and Pensions employees scooped £51 million. The Department of Transport paid out £9.2million, the Foreign Office £6.4 million and the Department for the Environment, Food and Rural Affairs £2.3 million. The Department for Education spent £1.9 million on bonuses, the Department for Health £1.7 million, the Cabinet Office £1.3million and the Department for Innovation and Skills £1.1million.

Whatever happened to just working for a salary?

Up in West Suffolk

My favourite retailer is looking for a permanent night shift worker in exchange for no wages, the job was offered under the Government's "workfare scheme", which is linked to payment of benefits. The advert said the wages would simply be "jobseeker's allowance and expenses".

A statement from the supermarket chain said: "The advert is a mistake caused by an IT error by Jobcentre Plus and is being rectified.

"It is an advert for work experience with a guaranteed job interview at the end of it as part of a Government-led work experience scheme. We take our responsibility as Britain's biggest private sector employer seriously."

Employment Minister Chris Grayling told the Commons last month that the scheme was working well and was much better value for money for the taxpayer than the last Labour government's Future Jobs Fund.

Jobseekers' allowance is currently paid at £53.45 per week for under-25s, or £67.50 for older staff.

If that is the way Tesco are going it’s about time they reduced their prices...

And the Piss Poor Policies Millionaires Club Coalition

Has come up with yet another gem, Details of every phone call and text message, email traffic and websites visited online are to be stored in a series of vast databases under new Government anti-terror plans.

Landline and mobile phone companies and broadband providers will be ordered to store the data for a year and make it available to the security services under the scheme.

The databases would not record the contents of calls, texts or emails but the numbers or email addresses of who they are sent and received by.

For the first time, the security services will have widespread access to information about who has been communicating with each other on social networking sites such as Facebook.

Direct messages between subscribers to websites such as Twitter would also be stored, as well as communications between players in online video games.

A Home Office spokesman said: “It is vital that police and security services are able to obtain communications data in certain circumstances to investigate serious crime and terrorism and to protect the public.

No warrant no crime....

Left to the warmish bit of the US of A

A Valentine's Day gift is being blamed for a power outage in Southern California.

Southern California Edison spokesman David Song says a helium-filled balloon scored a direct hit on the company's Fontana substation Tuesday night, knocking out power to 15,099 customers.

Song says a utility crew rushed to the station and had the power restored by 9:51 p.m.

The substation was the second to encounter problems in Southern California on Tuesday night. A Huntington Beach substation went out at 7:42 p.m., affecting 21,285 customers. Song says power was restored there at 10:38 p.m.

There must be a moral in there somewhere.

East to the land of glowing man veg

Shoalin monks “practise” the Iron Egg Skill 

Warning-if you are of a sensitive nature DO NOT watch this video.

  

Bet that stings....

Back to the State of James Tiberius Kirk

Comes the simple pleasure of gripping a fistful of bacon strips in one hand, and an ice cold beer in the other.

The joy of biting into a giant bacon-infused doughnut ball topped with chocolate and even more bacon.

“Everything about bacon is like Hometown Iowa,” said Becca Swalla, 24, of Urbandale, who attended Saturday’s Blue Ribbon Bacon Festival. “I mean, really, you wouldn’t see this baconfest happening in California. Only in Iowa will people come together to eat a bunch of bacon-covered bacon.”

But even some of the 4,000 attendees acknowledged protesters outside the 165,000-square-foot bacon pleasure palace on the Iowa State Fairgrounds had valid concerns. Too many bacon tacos and cupcakes can’t be good for your health.

Num, num, num I’m orf to the kitchen....

And finally:

Apparently as soon as you have boarded a big silver bird

Key elements of Britain’s disability and discrimination laws do not apply, a court ruling could pave the way for the introduction of a “fat tax” for obese fliers, a leading barrister has claimed.

And it could also prevent passengers with a disability from seeking compensation from their airline if they receive unsatisfactory or inconsistent treatment during a flight.

“Judges” decided after considering two cases involving wheelchair users who sued their airlines after they were unable to sit next to their carers on board a flight. Both subsequently suffered “embarrassing” incidents.

But both cases were dismissed after the court ruled that the Montreal Convention, a framework of international rules and regulations on air travel, should take precedence over British law.

The introduction of a “fat tax” has been mooted by Ryanair in the past, following a survey conducted by the airline which suggested around a third of passengers supported it. A number of carriers already insist that obese customers buy an extra seat if they are unable to comfortably fit into one.

Nice to see that even Canada’s law supersedes Blighty’s....

That’s it: I’m orf to muzzle a scientist

And today’s thought:

The new RAF.

Angus

The car now passing platform two: Atheist temple: C.U. panda: Bacon tampon: and Irish bricks.

Cold, damp, drear and really ‘orrid at the Castle this morn, the mock orange shrub is still in place despite plans a, b and c, the shed is full of bags vandalised bits for the “recycling centre” and after my first full week of ‘retirement’ I am bored.

But even more crocus/s have pushed their heads up to meet the “arctic” weather we have been promised.

Dahn ‘ere in ‘Ampshire

An 85-year-old drove down a high-speed railway line for 80 yards after taking a wrong turn at a level crossing.

The woman had a 20-year-old man in her car as she drove towards Brockenhurst station in Hampshire's New Forest.

She turned on to the main line between Bournemouth and London Waterloo and drove for 80 yards on the tracks before her car came to a halt.

A British Transport Police spokesman said: "BTP and Hampshire Police officers attended the line near to Brockenhurst rail station after a report that a car had been driven on to the line from the level crossing.

Rail services in the area were disrupted as a result of the incident, with buses brought in to replace trains.

 

But they couldn’t get past the car on the tracks...

Up in the Smoke

There is a bit of bovver over an atheist temple, Alain de Botton, the philosopher and writer, has proposed constructing a 150ft tower in the heart of the capital’s financial district to celebrate atheism as a positive force.

However, the idea has been condemned by Richard Dawkins, the evolutionary biologist and author, as a waste of money and a contradiction of terms.

De Botton’s proposed temple is designed to celebrate more than 300m years of life on earth. Each centimetre of the tower's interior has been designed to represent a million years and a narrow band of gold will illustrate the relatively tiny amount of time humans have walked the planet. The exterior would be inscribed with a binary code denoting the human genome sequence.

Construction could start by the end of 2013 if permission is granted by the Corporation of London.

Almost half the funds for the project have already been raised from an anonymous group of property developers, de Botton said. He hopes to find the rest of the money with a public appeal.

He can appeal all he likes I don’t believe in atheism....

North of the border

Edinburgh Zoo on Tuesday unveiled a new panda tartan, commissioned to commemorate the pandas Tian Tian and Yang Guang. It is black and white.

The tartan, approved by the Scottish Register of Tartans, was created by the Edinburgh Company Kinloch Anderson.

Senior director Deirdre Kinloch Anderson explained other elements of the design: "The green line is for the pandas' favourite food of bamboo. There are three fine red lines to represent China. Number 3 is China's lucky number, and also the red lines are in the heart of the design to indicate that the pandas are in the hearts and minds of the Scottish and Chinese people."

The two 8-year-old pandas arrived at the zoo last month from China: the female Tian Tian (aka Sweetie) and the male Yang Guang (aka Sunshine).

Other animals honoured by a registered tartan include springboks, Australian donkeys and the racehorse Red Rum.

Nice, but I would like to know how they are going to get the Pandas to wear it...

 

Over to the land of the snack and the home of the fry up

A new medical study recommends a method called "nasal packing with strips of cured pork" as an effective way to treat uncontrollable nosebleeds.

According to Ian Humphreys, Sonal Saraiya, Walter Belenky and James Dworkin who “work” at Detroit Medical Centre in Michigan they treated a girl who had a rare hereditary disorder that brings prolonged bleeding. 

Apparently “Cured salted pork crafted as a nasal tampon and packed within the nasal vaults successfully stopped nasal haemorrhage promptly, effectively, and without sequelae … To our knowledge, this represents the first description of nasal packing with strips of cured pork for treatment of life-threatening haemorrhage in a patient with Glanzmann thrombasthenia."

 

Fascinating, but will it work Dahn Unda?

And finally:

Right more than a snippet

Unemployed Irish artist, Frank Buckley, has built an entire apartment from the shredded remains of 1.4 billion Euros he borrowed from the national mint. He says the Billion Euro Home is a monument to the madness the single currency brought to Ireland.

In 2002, when Ireland adopted the euro, a wave of cheap credit flooded the country, fuelling a huge property bubble that eventually led to the country’s economic downfall. People were spending billions of Euros on buildings, but when the bubble burst in 2007, the country plunged into the deepest recession of the industrialized world, and those buildings quickly lost their value. Frank Buckley was one of the many Irish who was given a 100% mortgage by the bank, to buy a home with an estimated cost of €365,000, despite the fact he had no steady income. Now his house on the far reaches of Dublin’s commuter belt has lost a third of its value, and the artist is stuck with the credit.

The artist borrowed shredded euro bills from the national mint, made them into bricks and built himself an apartment in the lobby of a vacant Dublin office building. ”I wanted to create something from nothing,” Buckley says, “a reflection of the whole madness that gripped us.” He has separated from his wife, and has been living in his worthless Billion Euro Home, since December.

 

Hope he is paying rent.....

That’s it: I’m orf to check the moat out for ‘microplastic’ thingies. 

And today’s thought:

Angus

Striking call centres: Taking the piss: Uddingston nickers: Everest is rubbish: Photo Numpty: and a bottle of Bacon.

Allegedly there is going to be yet another warm and sunny thingy at the Castle this morn, the butler has cleaned out the moat, the garden still needs seeing to, the windows and the Rover still need washing, but the well padded sun lounger was so comfortable that I nodded orf and missed the F1 qualifying (thank what’s his/her name for I-player), still I can try again today with the Race.

We all know how hard jobs are to come by, especially if you are approaching old fartship and you would think that those who are employed-especially by the state would be a bit careful, but thousands of Jobcentre staff are to go on strike this month in a dispute over working conditions and management targets.

The Public and Commercial Services union (PCS) said its members in 37 call centres would walk out on 18 April.

In January, union members staged a two-day strike at seven centres.

The DWP announced a revamp of its telephone and benefit processing service in October 2009.

The January action started after a decision to convert seven benefit processing offices into "contact centres," with staff re-allocated to taking calls from the public.

Since then the dispute has broadened to include staff at all 37 contact centres.

"We are being prevented from providing a good quality service to the public because of unnecessary and unrealistic call centre targets," said Jane Aitchison, president of the PCS department for work and pensions.

Since when has the Dept of Witless Pillocks “provided a good quality service”? Ask my mentally ill mate, he has only just got back the year’s money they owed him six weeks after winning his appeal, and then they repaid it in two lumps.

And talking of useless twats

Parliament was hit by a new expenses row over “golden goodbyes” totalling up to £10 million to more than 200 former MPs.

They include a string of politicians caught up in the expenses scandal who are entitled to five-figure sums after standing down or losing their seat.

Taxpayers will be left to foot the huge bill as many families are forced to tighten their belts further in the economic crisis. On leaving the Commons, MPs are eligible for a resettlement grant of up to a year's salary, depending on their age and years of service, with the first £30,000 tax-free.

Critics say the payouts are too generous, compared with those in the private sector, and especially for MPs stepping down voluntarily. A study by the TaxPayers' Alliance found that 218 MPs who were either defeated or quit at the general election could claim grants totalling £10.4 million — or on average £47,706 each.

Including former MP Douglas Hogg, 65, who put in a bill for the cleaning of the moat at his country home and is entitled to £64,766; “duck house” ex-MP Sir Peter Viggers, 72, who can claim £32,383 and former Home Secretary Jacqui Smith, 47, who is eligible for £32,383 and whose husband billed the taxpayer for adult movies, according to the TaxPayers' Alliance.

Its research showed that MP couple Julie Kirkbride, 49, and Andrew Mackay, 60, who were dubbed “Mr and Mrs Expenses” and forced to stand down over their claims, are entitled to £32,383 and £64,766 respectively. Most MPs are believed to take the special payments but some have in the past declined to accept it. MPs are fully entitled to the payouts under the allowances regime but it is undergoing a major overhaul after being heavily criticised. A number of former MPs who have been elevated to the Lords are also entitled to the “golden goodbyes” from the Commons.

Makes you proud to live in a democracy………doesn’t it?

North of the border

We have wooden top twats, British detectives said on Wednesday they were hunting for thieves who broke into one of their own police stations and stole their uniforms and radios.

The crooks burgled the police station in Uddingston, not far from Glasgow in Scotland, in the early hours of Tuesday morning when the office was shut.

"At no time has the safety of the public or any officer been jeopardized as a result of this break-in," said a spokeswoman for Strathclyde Police.

She declined to say how the criminals had got into the building but added the radios had been disabled and could no longer be used.

Oh well that’s alright then……….        (It’s the white building on the left with the jam sandwich outside)

East a long, long way

A team of mountaineers led by a veteran Sherpa guide flew Wednesday to Mount Everest on an expedition to clear away tons of trash left on the world’s highest peak.

Since Everest was first conquered in 1953, thousands of people have climbed it, leaving behind the empty oxygen bottles, ropes, tents and other garbage that made their journey possible.

Nepal has since required climbers to bring down everything they take up the mountain or lose their deposit, but debris from past climbs still litters the slopes.

The team that left Katmandu on Wednesday — led by Apa, a Sherpa who has climbed Everest a record 20 times — plans to bring down 11,000 pounds (5,000 kilograms) of garbage during the spring climbing season.

“I want to do this for my country, my people and for Everest,” said Apa, who uses only one name.

The team hopes to clear 8,800 pounds (4,000 kilograms) of garbage from the lower part of the mountain and another 2,200 pounds (1,000 kilograms) from near the 29,035-foot (8,850-meter) summit.

Hope he has enough black plastic bags.

West a fair amount

A suspect in a North Carolina robbery is in jail after a T-shirt bearing his photo was found near the crime scene.

Police said a man and woman were at home when two men broke in and took a wallet and some jewellery. The suspects struggled with the man as they fled.

Later, the man found a black T-shirt on the ground displaying a mug shot and the slogan: "Making money is my thang."

Photographic Numpty

And finally:

Still in the land of the big breakfast and the home of the Porcus

A Chicago cologne manufacturer has announced the creation of a new unisex scent designed to make the wearer smell like bacon.

Cologne firm Fargginay said the scent, aptly named Bacon, includes 11 oils, flowers and herbs in a mixture designed to remind users of the smell of the beloved breakfast food, the New York Daily News reported Friday.

The company said the scent comes in two varieties, the spicy maple-inspired Bacon Classic and a lighter version of the fragrance called Bacon Gold.

The cologne can be purchased online for $36 per bottle.

Very nice, here’s an idea-buy some bacon for a couple of quid, cook it, save the fat, rub a bit behind your ears each morning and save $30.

That’s it: I’m orf to practise my electrocorticography.

And today’s thought: Have you ever noticed the people who tell you to calm down . . . are the ones that got you mad in the first place.

Angus