Redefining poverty: another Piss Poor “Minister”: Aussie Olympics: Laptop loon: Surstromming is a gas: and Millions of Virgin Hermit crabs.

More than enough solar stuff, not enough lack of cold stuff, too much lack of wet stuff and a dearth of windy stuff at the Castle this morn.

The windows are in need of a clean, the Honda is in need of a polish and his Maj is in need of a door mat to wipe his paws on.

 

Apparently the Irritable Bowel Twins have decided that poverty is nothing to do with the amount of money in our pockets

According to the knob at the top of the Dept for Witless Pillocks a “fixation” with giving the poor money to lift them out of poverty is doing nothing to make them take responsibility for their lives.

Unless people’s lifestyles are transformed, they will almost inevitably slip back into poverty, he will say.

And he is calling for the definition of poverty, which is based on a family’s income, to be torn up and replaced with one that takes into account their wider circumstances.

For the first time, factors such as family breakdown and unemployment are expected to be recognised when deciding whether someone is genuinely living in poverty.

And while income is important in determining who is genuinely in need, if it is taken on its own it can distort the picture, he will say in a speech to the Joseph Rowntree Foundation, the social research group.

 

They still don’t get it do they... He married Elizabeth "Betsy" Fremantle, daughter of the 5th Baron Cottesloe, in 1982. The couple has four children. His wealth is estimated at £1 million much of which has been earned by working as a high end after dinner speaker.

 

Up in the leaning tower of Westminster

Chloe Smith, the Conservative minister who shot to public prominence for her disastrous attempt to defend George Osborne's petrol duty U-turn on Newsnight, has been appointed minister responsible for lobbying.

She was moved from the Treasury to the Cabinet Office in the recent reshuffle, and yesterday it was announced that she will be taking responsibility for overseeing the Government's preparation of a statutory lobbying register.

According to The PRCA, the professional body that represents UK PR consultancies Smith has joined the Cabinet Office from the Treasury, where she was best known for her poor performance when interviewed by Newsnight's Jeremy Paxman".

 

No change there then...

 

Dahn Unda

In the spirit of the London Olympics, Australia has hosted its own "Outback Games" with events including 'camel' equestrian, 'waterhole' swimming and a flip-flop marathon.

Contenders in the Northern Territory joked that they did Bikram yoga to acclimatise to the extreme temperature and ate garlic to ward off crocodiles.

The event showcased unique home grown sports including sandbar soccer -- football played on an uneven patch of beach -- and 'camel' equestrian involving hobby horses.

"The swimming one requires us swimming with the crocodiles in the waterhole," joked competitor Alison Coulthurst, referring to the fake, inflatable reptiles racers wrangled in the swimming pool.

"We're adopting the Northern Territory approach that, if you lose or you're feeling bad, you just sit back," said competitor Ben Crank.

"Relax and have a beer and it all kind of washes away. It's a great mentality to have as an athlete. If you don't win, don't worry, relax, have a beer. It's all good."

 

What a corker-and it didn’t cost £9 billion...

 

West to the home of Silicon Valley and the land of laptops

Police in Vermont said a man became stuck on some rock ledges after dropping his computer about 100 feet and attempting to retrieve it.

Colchester police said Randy Lamore, 42, of Winooski dropped his computer while walking along the railroad tracks near the Gorge Road power dam and the device landed about 100 feet down on the bank of the Winooski River, WCAX-TV, Burlington, reported Tuesday.

Police said Lamore, who had been drinking, attempted to climb down to retrieve his computer, but became stuck on ledges in thick underbrush.

The man called 911 on his cell phone and it took about half an hour for rescuers to find him and an hour to execute the rescue.

Police said Lamore was not injured.

Unlike his laptop...

 

East to the place where a syndrome started

Emergency services rushed to a suburb of Stockholm after reports of a gas leak - only to find a bucket of fermented herring.

Two fire engines, two police cars and an emergency gas leak team all rushed to investigate the reports in Sodermalm, reports The Local.

They had been alerted by concerned neighbours who thought they smelled gas in the stairwell, but it turned out to be something less dangerous.

The strong smell came from fermented herring, or surstromming, a notoriously foul-smelling Swedish delicacy traditionally served at autumn parties.

 

Red herring?

 

And finally:

 

Over to the Island where there probably aren’t many

 

Millions and millions of hermit crabs decided to take a walk at Nanny Point near Concordia on one of the Virgin Islands.

 

Need a lot of lemon garlic butter for that lot...

 

That’s it: I’m orf to watch a black hole having lunch

 

And today’s thought:

Paint your wagon.

 

Angus

Top Gear in reverse: More for the EU: Graduating to free work: Big Pussy up North: Stainless virgin: Finger painting: and a stuffed Monkey.

Cold, damp and a smidge dismal at the Castle this morn, things are springing up in the garden that shouldn’t be there until...well spring, and I have purchased a couple of vandalism tools-an axe and a three foot bow saw which will come in very useful when I do a bit of “pruning”. 

The new android phone is not bad, gets the internet OK, works well on hands free, has loads of “apps”-you tube, Google etc, and even makes phone calls...

And Blogger is behaving itself today.

Top Gear is in the wars again

This time the “presenters” have managed to piss orf the whole of India.

During the 90 minute programme, Numpty Clarkson, one of the BBC’s highest paid stars, was filmed speaking to locals while operating a trouser press in his boxer shorts and with a Jaguar with a lavatory fixed to the boot.

The programme makers also put banners on trains reading: “British IT is good for your company”. Another said: “Eat English muffins”. The messages became obscene when the carriages parted, ripping the signs-“shIT is good for your company, and “eat English muff”.

21 July 2011

Letter from Chris Hale, producer, Top Gear to Indian High Commission, London

“Jeremy Clarkson, Richard Hammond and James May will travel across India in three cars filming a light hearted road trip focusing on the journey and the inevitable idiosynacies of the cars they will drive, as well as the country and scenary we see along the way.

“There will be spontaneous interaction between the presenters and their environment, and potentially people they meet along the way. This will be in an incidental manner, not interviews.

“Key ingredients of what we film will be beautiful scenery, busy city scenes, local charm and colour within these locations, areas to illustrate the local car culture that exists in India.”

6 January 2012

Letter from Indian High Commission, London to Chris Hale, producer, Top Gear

cc Mark Thompson, director general, BBC

“The programme was replete with cheap jibes, tasteless humour and lacked cultural sensitivity. This is not clearly what we expect of the BBC. I write this to convey our deep disappointment over the documentary for its content and the tone of the presentation.

“You are clearly in breach of the agreement that you had entered into, completely negating our constructive and proactive facilitation. We strongly protest and expect the BBC to make amends, especially to assuage the hurt sentiments of a large number of people.”

No sense of humour these sub-continentals...

And:

Son of a B....aronet (and alien reptile in disguise) George (my dad’s richer than your dad) Osborne reckons that Britain may need to pour billions of pounds into the International Monetary Fund to give it the resources to deal with more financial crises.

The “chancellor” told MPs, in an appearance before the Treasury select committee, that Britain would be willing to make a contribution if there was a "well-argued case put forward". But he stressed that any extra funds must be used for general purposes, and not to bail out troubled eurozone countries directly – and reminded MPs that he might have to go parliament for approval for any sizable contribution.

"If it is a good case then ourselves and other countries like Japan, like Australia, will look at that, I am sure, favourably,"

Go and get a proper job Osborne.

 

Up in Brummy land

Cait Reilly, who has been looking for work since leaving Birmingham University, was volunteering at a museum until she was ordered to take a work placement at a Poundland store in the city.

The geology graduate spent two weeks stacking shelves and sweeping floors after being told she could lose her benefits if she did not accept the ‘mandatory’ post. She is now asking the High Court to quash regulations that her lawyers claim were created by the government ‘without parliamentary authority’ and ‘forces people into futile, unpaid labour for weeks or months at a time’.

 

The 22-year-old, who was not offered an interview following her placement, told her Jobcentre Plus adviser of her previous retail experience and that she did not want to give up volunteering at the Birmingham Museum and Art Gallery.

 

The Department for Work and Pensions said: ‘Our priority is to help people off benefits and into work. It is simply absurd to suggest that we should not be providing this support and effectively leaving people at home doing nothing.’

 

Poundland was unavailable for comment last night but said earlier: ‘Our partnership with JobCentre Plus is a positive step to get people back into work.’

Yeah right; especiallyif they don't have to pay them...

Up North-ish 

Dog walkers discovered the mutilated carcass of a roe deer on National Trust land near Stroud last week.

The injuries to the neck of the deer and the way the carcass had been consumed are believed to be highly indicative of big cat activity.

Experts have taken DNA samples from the remains of the deer to see whether a big cat, such as a puma or panther, could have killed it.

Local big cat expert Rick Minter, who has visited the site of the discovery at Woodchester Park, said: "It is very helpful to have this forensic study of the deer carcass.

According to Mr Minter "In the event of a close-up encounter, you should stay calm and face towards the animal as you back off, but not threaten or aggravate it.

"The chances are it will have backed off very quickly first."

I do like an optimist....

Over to the warm bit at the bottom of the new world

Some people say they've seen the likeness of the Virgin Mary in a stainless steel wall at a Tampa restaurant coincidentally named Hamburger Mary's,

Streaks on the shiny wall near the kitchen bore an uncanny resemblance to the Madonna, according to two women eating lunch in a nearby booth, The Tampa Tribune says.

The holy vision was so powerful that one woman wept, according to a manager who talked to The Tribune. Both ladies took pictures to savour the moment.

It hasn't exactly become a pilgrimage site like Lourdes, but word has spread in recent days and customers have been eager to see the wall, according to The Tribune.

Some might be surprised that the so-called Mother of God appeared at a diner known for gay karaoke nights and drag-queen shows, but hey, the Lord works in mysterious ways.

No shit.....

Dahn a fair bit

A street artist, who creates amazing landscape pictures in just three minutes despite using nothing but his fingers, has become an online hit.

Fabian Gaete Maureira, from Chile, paints 'fingerscape' images containing mountains, waterfalls, trees and sunsets without picking up a paint brush.

Instead he simply dips his fingers in paint and then applies it directly to sheets of glass rather than canvas.

 Handy.....

 And finally: 

Up a lot

Preston James Phipps was detained by a police officer after he hit the cop with a stuffed monkey.

Police officer Andrew Pirtle was struck by the stuffed animal toy after trying to arrest 24-year-old Mr Phipps, a resident of Des Moines in Iowa, who was seen by Pirtle after robbing a corner store.  

Officer Pirtle had reported seeing Mr Phipps walking out of the store carrying two stuffed animals, but thought nothing of it. It wasn't until he was later informed about a robbery involving the toys that he reacted.

Pirtle approached Mr Phipps questioning him about his recent whereabouts on the Saturday night when the incident took place. It was at this point when the 24-year-old became aggressive towards the officer giving him a right hook... with the stuffed monkey he was holding.

Police reports revealed that Mr Phipps had entered the Git-N-Go convenience store robbing it of not only the two fluffy toys, but also a pair of sunglasses and double packs of smokeless tobacco.

He was charged with fifth-degree theft, disorderly conduct and assault on a police officer.

The monkey was unharmed....

That’s it: I’m orf to wind up the Doomsday clock.

And today’s thought:

Angus

A BIT OF AN OVERVIEW

A slight change today, my outlook on the national news from the Times, usually I use the BBC but I thought it was time for an upgrade.

First up is "Parky" with an honest assessment of Jade Goody and today’s society, which I thought hit the nail on the head.

“ Jade Goody, the reality TV star who died last month of cervical cancer aged 27, represented “all that is paltry and wretched about Britain”, Sir Michael Parkinson has said.”

Worth a read.



Then there is Alice Miles who thinks that we should stop torturing those poor MPs claiming expenses-

“Yet it is time for this leakage to stop. To hear Jacqui Smith being barracked yesterday on the Radio 4 Today programme about where she stays the night, and to hear her feebly protesting that “I'm not in some box room in the top of the house” at her sister's, was to listen to democracy on its knees. This is the Home Secretary, one of the great offices of State. We should not need to know where she washes her knickers of an evening.”

Nevertheless, she didn’t even consider the “porn” thing something to resign over- Jacqui Smith 'did not consider resigning' over porn claim

Shouldn’t the “occupier” (Jacqui Smith) of one of the great offices of state behave in a manner befitting that office?

No sympathy from me I am afraid, nobody dragged the “poor” MPs kicking and screaming into politics, they chose the public life and have to pay the piper when they are caught with their hands in the till.





The Concorde that graceful supersonic “eagle” in the sky may be off to Dubai. Ben Webster says it all.

There is some corner of a foreign desert that is for ever England. Dubai already has the Queen Elizabeth 2, the world’s fastest cruise ship, and now it is bidding for Concorde, the fastest airliner.

Forty years ago tomorrow, the British version of the graceful delta-winged aircraft took to the skies on its maiden flight.

The 22-minute journey made by 002 from Filton, Bristol, to Fairford, Gloucestershire, prompted an outpouring of national pride that swept aside complaints about the cost, soot and, of course, the deafening roar.

Yet the anniversary celebrations will be overshadowed for many Concorde enthusiasts by the disclosure that British Airways may betray a promise to put a Concorde on public display at Heathrow and instead cut it into pieces and ship it to the Gulf.

BA who hid their only remaining Concorde somewhere in a hanger at Heathrow is “refusing to help any of the groups seeking to get the aircraft back in the air”.

It has repeatedly rejected requests to publish a feasibility study. BA claims it showed that it would be too expensive, but it will not share the figures with the Save Concorde Group, which believes it could raise sponsorship for a return to flight.

A BA spokesman said: “It is an internal document and wasn’t intended to be shared. It has commercial information in it.” Despite making £20 Million profit a year from Concorde during it’s 27 years of commercial flights.

Come on guys; this is Concorde, we are all proud of it and let’s face it we haven’t got a lot to be proud of at the moment.



Tony Blaire has challenged the “entrenched” attitudes of the Pope on homosexuality, and argued that it is time for him to “rethink” his views.

Speaking to the gay magazine Attitude, the former Prime Minister, himself now a Roman Catholic, said that he wanted to urge religious figures everywhere to reinterpret their religious texts to see them as metaphorical, not literal, and suggested that in time this would make all religious groups accept gay people as equals.

Mr Blair, who now travels the world on behalf of the Tony Blair Faith Foundation, which aims to promote understanding of the main religions, left the Church of England for Rome soon after leaving office in 2007.


Watch it Tony, you could be excommunicated, but the good news is that as the law stands he will never be King of the UK, although he thinks he is.




Another example of our “hardworking MPs” No-show MPs halt help on fuel poverty (Lauren Thompson) Consumer groups have reacted furiously after legislation to help to end fuel poverty was quashed because not enough MPs bothered to vote.

The Fuel Poverty Bill was proposed by a Liberal Democrat MP in response to the Government's continuing failure to help the 5.5 million households who spend a tenth or more of their income on gas and electricity
But the legislation, which would have forced energy companies to make homes more energy-efficient and introduce lower prices for the poorest customers, was struck down last month. It had its second reading on a Friday afternoon, when most MPs head back to their constituencies.

It received 89 votes for and two votes against, but needed 100 votes to get through to the next stage.

Yes; the MPs really care about the poor, as long as they don’t have to do anything about it.


And finally:



Trickie Dickie Branson has declared a price war on rival train operator that restored routes (Ben Webster) The train company that offers Britain’s cheapest rail tickets is engaged in a battle with Virgin that threatens to force it out of business.

Wrexham & Shropshire, which runs trains between North Wales, the West Midlands and London, began operating a year ago after spotting a gap in the market for direct services.

Despite receiving no subsidy it charges £53 for a standard class any-time return ticket from Wrexham to London. A similar ticket bought from Virgin costs £201.

Now Virgin plans to run trains in direct competition with W&S, despite having previously shown no interest in providing services to the key stations served by W&S.

Virgin, which receives £35 million a year in public subsidy, won the West Coast franchise 12 years ago. It withdrew its direct service to Shrewsbury in 2004, claiming that there was insufficient demand. Now, having observed the success of W&S, Virgin is planning to run trains from London to Shrewsbury and Wrexham.


When Virgin rule the world at our expense, all we will have is one airline, one train company and one health provider, probably with “pay as you pee” toilets.

“People have this illusion that all over the world, all of the time, all kinds of fantastic things are happening. When in fact, over most of the world nothing is happening.” David Brinkley

Angus

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