Gold plated NHS: U-Turn Cam about to do another one: Brockworth back on: Chicago Nuns: Now that’s what I call a pothole: and Mind your language.

Splendiferous day at the Castle this morn, sunny, warmish and calm, it won’t last.

The dog and bone started ringing early and the kitchen will soon be bristling with dead, dying and not very well computers.

The Talk Talk internet connection is still iffy, so apologies for not visiting/commenting but I will soon be connected to Orange.

I see that according to Oxfam the prices of staple foods will more than double in 20 years unless world leaders take action to reform the global food system. 

Been to Tesco lately? It already has.

 In this time of “austerity”

New figures have disclosed that some health service chief executives will retire with annual gold-plated payouts worth up to £110,000 despite the fact that the system currently is under severe financial strain.

The revelations, which compare to the annual pension of just £7000 for an average NHS worker, come as many private pension schemes are falling.

Separate statistics also show that more than 2600 senior managers of hospitals and health trusts are paid £250,000 a year – £107,500 more than the salary paid to David Cameron, the Prime Minister.

It also comes amid heavy cutbacks throughout the NHS as frontline services are hit by budget cuts.

According to the new figures, the chief executives of ten strategic health authorities in England have gold-plated final salary pension pots worth between £1.2million and almost £2.6million.

The biggest belongs to Sir Neil McKay of the East of England authority, and is currently valued at £2.59million, reports suggested.

He is currently paid between £230,000 and £235,000, and he is said to have earned an annual retirement of between £105,000 and £110,000.

Sir Ian Carruthers, from the South West strategic health authority, has an estimated pension pot valued at £2.58 million.

He is expected to receive between £100,000 and £105,000 when he retires.  

I see they haven’t included Andrew Morris the CEO of Grimly Dark Hospital whose pension pot was about £1.5 million back in 2010 (allegedly).

 And I see that U-Turn cam is about to do another one

According to “reports” U-Turn is getting closer to abandoning Andrew Lansley's NHS reforms, and could be prepared to lose his health secretary in the process.

Downing Street has begun 'war-gaming' the scenario in which Mr Lansley resigns after much of his reforms are abandoned, the Sunday Telegraph reported.  

I would like to be present when the arrogant rich git disappears up his own rear exit.

Up in Gloucestershire

Rebel cheese rollers have defied the English weather to take part in a bizarre competition of chasing a 4kg wheel of the dairy product down a steep hill.

Hardcore thrill seekers staged their own unofficial event after the world-famous Cheese Rolling was cancelled for a second year running.

The race had been advertised on social networking sites with a page set up on Facebook and people posting messages on Twitter.

There was a large police presence at entrances to Cooper's Hill, at Brockworth, near Gloucester, but the event went ahead.

The bizarre annual event attracts participants, spectators and media from across the world.

Several hundred spectators braved the fog and rain to watch about a dozen daredevil athletes pursue the Double Gloucester cheese 200 metres down the 1:2 gradient slope.

Competitors slip, somersault and tumble their way to the bottom in spectacular fashion during the bone-crunching races - and the first person to grab the cheese wins.

This year champion local cheese roller Chris Anderson, 23, won the three adult male races while 14-year-old Jo Guest, from Wolverhampton, came out on top in the women's race.

After winning the first race, Mr Anderson, from Brockworth, Gloucester, said: "That's the biggest fall I've ever had, ever.

"I got far too much speed up and had a big fall."

Mr Anderson recovered from his tumble to win the further two adult men races and walk away with three Double Gloucester cheeses.

Asked how he was feeling, Mr Anderson, who is planning to join the army and might not be back next year to defend his crown, said: "Amazing, brilliant. First time I've won all three.

"I'm knackered now and cold and wet.

 One up for the revolution.

 Across to the windy city

Police were today searching for two suspects who robbed a Chicago bank dressed as nuns - in a scene eerily reminiscent of the movie The Town.

The pair, dressed in black nun costumes with rubber masks on their faces, robbed the TCF bank at 1.58pm local time Sunday just minutes before closing time, the Chicago Sun-Times reported.

Both robbers, who were carrying guns, jumped over the counter and ordered two employees to the bank vault where they filled a duffel bag with cash, police said.

Police did not disclose how much money was taken, but said no one was hurt in the incident.

One suspect was described as being male, 170cm tall. He was wearing black and white gym shoes, black gloves and was armed with a revolver.

The other person was female, about 165cm tall. She was wearing black boots, white gloves and carrying a semi-automatic pistol.

The couple left the scene in a silver four-door Chevrolet with tinted windows. 

I know religion is struggling a bit, but that is going too far…

 Over to the land of massive coal mining machines

An investigation is under way in northeast China after a giant hole opened up in a road bridge, swallowing a passing lorry.

Two men who were inside the lorry were injured when the road collapsed beneath their vehicle, causing them to plunge into the river below.

The hole in the bridge measured approximately 14 metres by five metres, and developed in a section of the bridge that was built as an extension in 1995.

Local media reported that authorities suspect the lorry, which was carrying steel pipes, was overloaded.

Earlier in May, another lorry fell through a giant sinkhole that opened up in a Beijing Street, with reports that it could be due to construction work for a subway system.

And in February three people were injured when a motorway viaduct collapsed in Shangyu, Zhejiang Province.

The Foreign Office warns the "poor quality of roads and generally low driving standards" make road travel in China particularly dangerous. 

Same problem here in Blighty.

 And finally:

 Back in the poor, old, tattered land of everyone’s father

Swearing in public could result in boisterous people being fined £80 in a new police initiative to combat anti-social behaviour.

Officers in Barnsley, in south Yorkshire, have been told to monitor the language of people out shopping, eating or merely relaxing in the town centre.

If the member of the public is heard to swear and the profanity is judged to be potentially causing offence or intimidation, the officers have been told to intervene.

The first option is simply to tell the individual to moderate his or her language but if that is unsuccessful, the officer can fine the person a maximum of £80.

Members of the public have also been asked to report offensive and intimidating language, including swearing.

You have been warned-fucking cheek…..

 That’s it: I’m orf to check out my electrons.

 And today’s thought: By the time you find greener pastures-you are too old to climb the fence.

 ,,

Angus

On the march in the smoke: Census Police: Cock-a-doodle-sue: Naked Peta: Cheese rolling rolls off: Bung a tester: and Procrastination day is delayed.

The weather is back to normal at the Castle this morn-chilly, overcast and a bit damp, that was a short spring.

The kitchen is empty of any sort of terminally ill computers and the weekend is mine! All mine!

Over in the land of the mushroom shaped rising sun

Concerns over the extent of radioactive contamination in Japan deepened after it emerged that three workers admitted to hospital this week were exposed to radiation levels 10,000 times higher than normal

Japanese officials said further investigations were needed to determine how the three men replacing a cable at the No. 3 reactor were sloshing about in water containing iodine, caesium and cobalt 10,000 times the normal level.

"At present, our monitoring data suggest the (No. 3) reactor retains certain containment functions, but there is a good chance that the reactor has been damaged," said Hidehiko Nishiyama, a spokesman for Japan's nuclear agency.

No shit…….

And in Gadaffi land

Britain has launched an attack aimed against Gaddafi loyalists besieging a key Libyan city, using laser guided weapons to destroy tanks on the ground for the first time.

The attack which destroyed four tanks on the outskirts of Ajdabiya, came as rebel fighting intensified inside the city and reports came in of fighting in a second city, Misrata.

Dr Liam Fox, the Defence Secretary, said British Tornado GR4 Aircraft took part in the missile strike on Thursday night.

"The Tornado aircraft launched a number of guided Brimstone missiles at Libyan armoured vehicles which were threatening the civilian population of Ajdabiya,” he said in a statement.

The attack was followed up by other coalition forces which destroyed another three tanks as the Tornados refueled in mid-air for a second bombing run.

There goes the money for another couple of thousand pensioners…..

Up in the smoke

People from across the country are converging on London for a march in protest at the Piss Poor Policies coalition government's spending cuts.

The Trades Union Congress predicts more than 100,000 people will join the march, to be policed by 4,500 police.

The TUC said it was deploying more than 1,000 stewards to ensure the event remained "family friendly".

TUC general secretary Brendan Barber said those taking part in the March for the Alternative will include community groups, pensioners and public sector workers.

He said they were urging the government to spend more public money - not less - on projects to create jobs and boost the economy and to crack down on tax evasion and avoidance in order to claw back more for the Treasury.

I do like 100,000 optimists……

And still in our green-ish, bankrupt, unemployed land

A 100-strong army of census enforcers has been given police powers to gather criminal evidence against householders who fail to complete tomorrow’s national survey.

Anyone who repeatedly refuses to take part will face criminal prosecution and a fine of up to £1,000 as the Office for National Statistics steps up efforts to catch evaders.

For the first time in the 210-year ­history of the census, a unit of “non-compliance” officers authorised to conduct interviews under caution will visit homes across the country.

More than one million people were missed during the last census in 2001, but only 38 were prosecuted. Glen Watson, the census director, promised better targeting of householders who had not filled in their forms.

From April 6, a force of 30,000 staff will begin visiting households that had not yet completed the census “during the day, evenings, and at weekends to try and catch people in”, he said.

And the hundreds of thousands illegal immigrants will be waiting for them…….

Across the Atlantis ocean

To the windy city-A man who alleges he was attacked by a rooster at a US suburban animal centre has filed a lawsuit seeking more than $US50, 000 for injuries he says were caused when the territorial chicken repeatedly pecked his right leg.

Mark Lovett says he was putting up a fence at the Big Run Wolf Ranch in Lockport Illinois two years ago when the fearless fowl struck, causing him "great pain and anguish, both in mind and body," according to the lawsuit filed in Will County circuit court this week.

The lawsuit did not detail what injuries allegedly were caused by the bird, which Lovett says was "not provoked" before plunging its curved beak into his leg. Calls to Lovett's lawyer and the ranch were not returned.

What a doodle-doodle cock……

Down a bit

 A driver in LA will be having an interesting conversation with his insurance provider, after crashing his car while distracted by nearly naked women taking a very public shower.

The models in downtown LA were soaping each other up as part of a Peta stunt to encourage more people to adopt a Vegan lifestyle.

Passers by, mainly men, gathered around the two women and their makeshift shower and one man went as far as to crash his car.

Don’t know about going Vegan but it did make me hungry for a bit of chicken breast.

Back in Blighty

Organisers of the annual Cooper's Hill cheese rolling event have been forced to cancel it after people threatened to throw bricks through their windows and spat at them in the street.

This year the committee took the decision to charge a £20 entry fee, which they say would have mainly gone towards the cost of running the event.

However, people are so furious about the new fee that some have began a campaign of threats and abuse.

'Since we announced an entry fee, we have been bombarded with so much hostility and criticism, much of it at a personal level, including accusations of profiteering.

'People have been spat at in the street, received verbal abuse in shops and at school gates and there has even been talk of bricks through windows and houses being burned down,' cheese rolling committee spokesman Richard Jefferies said.

Toasted cheese?

Up a bit to Manchester

A learner driver attacked his examiner after he refused to accept a cash bribe in exchange for letting her pass.

Jin Su reportedly handed the examiner a red envelope which contained between £400 and £500 during her test and said: 'This will be good for you – and for me.'

When examiner Keith Ashcroft refused the bribe and declared the test over, Su attacked him in the street, and tried to insist that the test continue.

When she was arrested she told police that the money had been for luck rather than a bribe.

However, at Manchester Crown Court she pleaded guilty to offering a bribe and common assault.

Su, who has failed her driving test five times, was sentenced to 50 hours unpaid work and will also pay Mr Ashcroft £100 compensation.

Testing time for the tester.

And finally:

Yesterday was world procrastination day

Or was it?

 Its French founder insisted he had no issues with people putting it off until today.

Or maybe tomorrow?

That’s it: I’m orf to test my temporal memory

And today’s thought: Time flies like lightning . . . Fruit flies like bananas

Angus

Clone “B” makes a promise: Free speech: Olympic clock-up: Big crustacean: Cheesed off at £20 rolling fee: Texas Numpty: and poisonous Toads.

I think I may have slept through spring and summer, it feels like autumn at the Castle this morn-warm-ish, misty and calm, the kitchen is empty of disadvantaged computers, the landline is unplugged, the mobile is off, the portcullis is down and the drawbridge is up.

I will have a day off….

The usual news from the land of the rising mushroom cloud, fires, explosions and more radiation; the UN is still talking about Libya: and one in three people going into hospital are at risk of malnutrition.

Nothing new there then.

Clone “B” has raised his head above the political parapet; Ed (stab em in the back) Miliband and Starey eyes Balls have made a promise that Labour will force a Commons vote on fuel prices on Wednesday in a bid to convince the government to cancel the VAT rise on petrol.

Starey eyes, who said it cost him £74.50 at the weekend to fill up his car, argued that the VAT rise on fuel could be cancelled using money from a renewed bankers' bonus, which raised £3.5 billion last year.

I won’t hold my breath.

De-fame of libel laws

According to the Torygraph:

‘A national newspaper always risks the accusation of special pleading when it calls for reform of the libel laws. In Britain today, however, it is the small publications, local newspapers and individuals who are hardest hit by the excessive costs of defending themselves in the courts, and are often forced to settle rather than contest cases they might otherwise win.

There is now general acceptance that these antiquated, unbalanced and illiberal laws are damaging this country's reputation for free speech. Frivolous actions are brought in order to shut down responsible journalism or stifle legitimate academic opinion. Punitive and disproportionate damages encourage overseas litigants to seek redress in the British courts for any perceived slight, a phenomenon known as "libel tourism". Our libel laws work against the interests of justice and a free press, a trend compounded by the alarming expansion of judge-made privacy law through the imposition of blanket reporting bans known as super-injunctions.

The publication yesterday of a draft Defamation Bill that seeks to address some (though not all) of these issues is, therefore, an important step towards correcting the flaws in the law. But it is only a first step. A new requirement that any allegedly defamatory statement must have caused "substantial harm" to a client's reputation before an action can proceed is particularly welcome. So, too, are the public interest safeguards to protect academics and others from being sued simply for expressing views – even if they are defamatory. The Government is to be congratulated for recognising the need for what would be the first wholesale reform of our libel laws since 1843. It now needs to make good these fine ambitions by guaranteeing parliamentary time for the legislation.’

Oh joy….

‘Lord’ Seb Coe is in hiding

The electronic clock counting down the 500 days to the start of the 2012 London Olympics stopped on Tuesday in an embarrassing incident less than a day after it was unveiled in a glitzy launch.

The steel clock in London's Trafalgar Square ground to a halt at 500 days, seven hours, six minutes and 56 seconds, then began counting the wrong way before a technician arrived to repair it, an AFP reporter said.

Manufacturers Omega said in a statement: "We are obviously very disappointed that the clock has suffered this technical issue.

"The Omega London 2012 countdown clock was developed by our experts and fully tested ahead of the launch in Trafalgar Square.

"We are currently looking into why this happened and expect to have the clock functioning as normal as soon as possible."

Four British Olympic champions - rowers Pete Reed and Andy Hodge and sailors Iain Percy and Andrew Simpson - unveiled the clock on Monday to mark the 500-day countdown to the opening ceremony.

Tickets for the Olympics went on sale to the public on Tuesday.

And so the embarrassment begins, maybe it needs a new battery?

Dahn in Pompy

One of the biggest and oldest lobsters ever caught in Britain has been saved from the pot and will live out the rest of its long life in an aquarium.

The massive crustacean measures close to one metre in length and weighs more than 4 kg.

“He’s a fantastic specimen and by his size alone he has got to be at least 50 years old,” said Lindsay Holloway of the Blue Reef aquarium in Portsmouth, southern England where the lobster now lives.

“He is an amazing creature and it’s quite an achievement to have reached such an impressive age,” he added.

The lobster was caught in around 14 feet of water by a compassionate angler fishing for sole in Bracklesham Bay, off the coast of West Sussex.

Lobsters are among the planet’s oldest inhabitants with fossil remains found dating back more than 100 million years. They are also extremely long-lived with some reaching ages of over 80 years.

The aquarium said the heaviest recorded crustacean is an Atlantic lobster nicknamed Mike who was caught in 1934 and tipped the scales at an awesome 19 kg.

You wouldn’t want that in amongst your crabs…..

Up in Gloucestershire

Cheese-chasers have been told to fork out £20 to enter the traditional cheese-rolling race in Brockworth.

The historic Coopers Hill races - at which dozens of devil-may-care participants run down a one-in-two slope in pursuit of a runaway cheese – have been running for 200 years on a Spring Bank Holiday afternoon and have always been free.

However, organisers say that the event has become too popular for its own good, citing the record attendance of two years ago that caused traffic chaos and health and safety fears.

Officials were so concerned that last year’s event was cancelled, prompting locals to hold their own race.

The Cheese Rolling Committee is now transforming the race into a two-day festival in June costing £20 for adults and £15 for children.

Officials say the charge is necessary to cover the cost of health and safety measures such as fencing and security staff.

I’d pay twenty quid to watch a load of lunatics chasing cheddar down a hill, as long as there was plenty of blood and gore….

Across the salty, wet thing to the state of cows with big horns

A Numpty bank robber who abided by a Dallas teller's request to provide two forms of identification before she could give him money is going to prison.

A judge sentenced 49-year-old Nathan Wayne Pugh of Sachse (SAK'-see) to more than eight years on Tuesday.

Pugh tried to hold up a Dallas Wells Fargo Bank in July. The teller stalled Pugh by telling him she needed to see two forms of ID. Pugh showed her his Wells Fargo debit card and a state ID card. He was captured as he tried to flee with $800.

Pugh pleaded guilty in October to a bank robbery charge. He was already on parole for two aggravated robberies.

How the hell did he live to the ripe old age of 49?

And finally:

Dahn Unda

Australia's popular Kimberley wilderness region has resorted to a long knee-high fence to keep out the poisonous cane toad, which is rapidly overrunning the tourist attraction.

A 1.25 mile barrier will be erected at Emma Gorge, made from cloth mesh to allow other animals to move through while keeping out the toads, prolific breeders which secrete a toxin that can kill pets and wildlife.

Stop the Toad Foundation campaign manager Kim Hands said hundreds of thousands of toads had penetrated the area, threatening native species.

"Experience in the past has been that it has been really efficient," she said of the fence.

The cane toad has spread widely in tropical Australia since being introduced to kill beetles in the 1930s, devouring insects, bird's eggs and native species such as the quoll, a catlike marsupial.

They should dig a long, deep trench, and then they would be “Toad in the hole”.

That’s it: I’m orf to visit an art show in Bristol.

And today’s thought: If practice makes perfect . . . how do you explain taxi drivers?

Angus