Toeing the line: Snooper blooper: Man bites dog: Hand in your headlight holders: Big snake in the Big Apple: and Bear faced intruder.

Cold and clement at the Castle this morn, just returned from the stale bread, gruel and his Maj’s food run dahn Tesco-usual chaos-and as I passed the go-juice bit I see that unleaded has reached £1.40 per litre and the oily stuff is even more expensive.

While I dusted the fire yestermorn I had a bit of a shock-as it is that week where being nailed to several large bits of wood seems to be in certain people’s minds I noticed that the face of him upstairs has appeared on a bit of my coal-oh-err-holy coal hole?

Meanwhile according to ‘experts’ over the pond

Politicians with large big toes are more likely to succeed at the ballot box, American academics from the University of Strangersbarre, writing in the Journal of Biomechanical Politics, claimed to have established a striking relationship between the electoral success of politicians and the length of their largest foot phalange.

Five hundred and eighty seven politicians, mostly at state-level politics, participated in the research. Their careers were monitored over a period of ten years after initial measurements were taken in 1998.

"Our study has shown toe size can be a surprisingly important factor in the career success of a politician," lead researcher Professor Kham Elto said.

Which explains why the Piss Poor Policies Millionaires Club Coalition all have small feet...

 

And U-Turn Cam is in a bit of bovver

Over the half arsed plans for a major expansion of the Government's powers to monitor the email exchanges and website visits of every person in the UK.

Under legislation expected in next month's Queen's Speech, internet companies will be instructed to install hardware enabling GCHQ - the Government's electronic "listening" agency - to examine "on demand" any phone call made, text message and email sent, and website accessed, in "real time" without a warrant. 

That’s me buggered then...

East to the place where they nailed a certain person to several lumps of wood

Officials in Kfar Saba, Israel, have a bone to pick with an unruly suspect after the man bit the police dog sent into a cell to subdue him.

The man was initially detained by authorities for breaching a restraining order issued by his spouse. After the police showed up at the woman's home, the suspect reportedly threatened to jump out of a window and attempted to assault an officer with a screwdriver, according to Ynetnews.com.

After the officers took the suspect to the station, he again became unruly, which prompted them to send in the dog. While the canine cop managed to bring down the man, the suspect still managed to chomp down on the animal's ear.

The suspect kept biting the dog's ear until cops finally pried his jaws away and shepherded the German Shepherd away from its attacker, according to the Jerusalem Post.

Police said the dog suffered very minor injuries to its ear, and has already received treatment.

Num, num...

Back in bra-less Blighty

British charity Oxfam is calling on women in the UK to donate their unwanted bras to help females in West Africa.

British women are hoarding nearly STG1.2 billion ($A1.85 billion) worth of unworn bras, or nine each, according to Oxfam.

The charity's Big Bra Hunt aims to collect one million bras during April with the support of celebrities including Dame Helen Mirren, Zoe Ball and Miquita Oliver.

Many of the bras will be sold in Oxfam's high-street shops across the UK to raise money for the charity's work worldwide. Others will be sent to the charity's Frip Ethique (ethical second-hand clothing) project in Senegal.

A poll for Oxfam found that one-third of all women who have bras they no longer wear keep them because they forget they own them. Ten per cent did not know charities accepted second-hand bras.

Oxfam said the complex manufacturing required to make bras meant very few developing countries produced their own, making them one of the most desirable items in West African second-hand clothing markets.

 

Hanging out in Africa?

Left across the big salty thing

A prehistoric monster snake is making a quick stopover in New York City's Grand Central Terminal.

The full-scale replica of the Titanoboa ty-(tan-uh-BOH'-ah) was unveiled Thursday as a promotion for an exhibition at the Smithsonian's National Museum of Natural History in Washington, D.C.

When it roamed the Earth, the snake was 48 feet long and weighed 2,500 pounds.

Titanoboa was discovered in 2005 among a trove of fossils in one of the world's largest open-pit coal mines in Colombia. It lived more than 60 million years ago when dinosaurs no longer ruled.

The travelling exhibit runs from March 30 through Jan. 6, 2013. A special documentary will air on the Smithsonian Channel on April 1.

The giant reptile heads for Washington on Friday evening.

Good job it hasn’t got any toes-it could be the next President...

And finally:

Up a bit

Louis Reardon got the shock of his life when he leapt out of bed to his son's cries of "Polar bear!"

Mr Reardon said his 29-year-old son, Damien, woke up to the bear breaking open their dining room door in Newfoundland, Canada overnight.

The 55-year-old father said he fired two shots over the bear's head to frighten it.

"A polar bear doesn't usually back down," he said.

His cousin, Daniel Reardon, said the bear broke in doors at three other homes and killed sheep and ducks at a nearby stable without stopping to eat them.

Royal Canadian Mounted Police said wildlife officers shot the bear, which witnesses estimate weighed at least 135 kilograms.

 

Still, it will make a nice rug in front of the fire-but don’t forget to check out your coal...

That’s it: I’m orf to search for giant Octopuses in the moat-just in case.

And today’s thought:

Does my bum look big in this?

Angus  

Dwarf economy: Nifty note: Banger bonus: Corduroy messiah: and Show me the cup size.

Warmish, wettish and windyish at the Castle this morn, the study is devoid of dead do-dahs and I am getting ready to take his Maj to the Vets to have his crown jewels excised.

He hasn’t had anything to eat since 8 of the pm yesterdark thing and is now trying to devour my feet.

Not going to be a good day.

I see that the Piss Poor Policies Millionaires Club Coalition U-Turn Cam

Has ordered his sideboard ministers to come up with more "go-for-growth" policies yesterday as new figures showed that the economy grew by just 0.5 per cent in the three months to September, U-Turn Cam told ministers to "roll their sleeves up" and focus on implementing its growth strategy.

 Although the Prime Minister insisted there was "unity of purpose" in the Cabinet on the Government's fiscal strategy, his spokesman said his words reflected fears about the "obstacles" to pro-growth measures such as planning rules and clearing legal hurdles before major building projects could go ahead.

In the Commons, son of a B...aronet (and alien reptile in disguise) George Osborne rebuffed calls for a U-turn as he clashed with Ed Balls, the shadow Chancellor, who asked: "How much longer will the country have to wait before the Chancellor decides to listen?" Accusing Mr Osborne of complacency, he said the UK recovery was "choked off" by the Government's austerity package, not the crisis in the eurozone.

For once I agree with starey eyes Balls.

 And:

Apparently a new £50 note will enter circulation today, featuring images of Matthew Boulton and James Watt, leading figures of the Industrial Revolution. But the biggest change comes in the form of new security measures introduced by the Bank of England to deter counterfeiters.

One of these features, called Motion Thread, includes semi-translucent windows woven into the note that show the £ symbol and the number 50 when held up to the light.

"When a note is tilted from side to side, the images move up and down. And when the note is tilted up and down, the images move from side to side and the number 50 and £ symbol switch.

There are around 2.8 billion bank notes in circulation in the UK, including £9.9 billion in £50 denominations.

Most of which are in the Piss Poor Policies Millionaires Cub Coalitions’ wallets....

East to the land of well made-ish cars and paper

A butcher shop employee in the German town of Braunschweig inadvertently handed a customer a bag containing more than 2,000 Euros ($2,835) in cold cash rather than the cold cuts she usually gets.

The 79-year-old pensioner paid five Euros for her package of cold cuts and veal steaks. She said she was surprised to find more than she bargained for when she opened the package at home.

“I was completely flabbergasted,” the pensioner told Bild newspaper. She called the butcher shop but it had already closed. So she called the police, who later returned it.

The owner of the butcher shop had packed the day’s take in a paper bag and placed it, as he usually does, next to the cash register. The employee mistook it for the customer’s cold cuts and unwittingly handed her the package.

The honest pensioner got a 100 euro reward from the butcher — and a free basket of sausages.

 

20 bags of cold cuts in the pipeline then...

 

West to the large round fruit

Corduroy fans in New York are anxiously awaiting November 11 - when they hope to welcome their 'messiah'.

The city's Corduroy Appreciation Club is seeking a child who turns 11 on 11/11/11 - the date it says resembles the ribs of its favourite textile.

"That child is the messiah of corduroy," Miles Rohan, founder of the club, told the New York Daily News. "We liken it to finding the Dalai Lama."

The New York-based club said it had already been contacted by twins from Wisconsin who will turn 11 on November 11.

But they are looking for a locally based child to attend their "grandest meeting" in Manhattan on that date.

The child will be installed on a throne and treated like textile royalty after being carried into the meeting.

Members who attend the meeting will also be required to wear three items of clothing made of corduroy, instead of the regular two.

Is that child abuse?

 And finally:

Over to the cold bit of Europe

A Swedish branch of a Scandinavian lingerie chain has come under fire from some employees for having them wear tags displaying their bust circumference and bra cup size.

The question is whether they're displaying the information willingly and now the Commercial Employees' Union says it may sue the chain Change over the policy, The Local Sweden reports.

A former employee claimed the tags were mandatory when she started work there and "you receive a document which states that 'name tag with size is always worn' so to me that doesn't reflect that it was voluntary. It isn't great when you're out on the town and people greet you with your name and cup size".

One anonymous employee earlier told union paper Handelsnytt.

"We have dirty old men coming into the shop looking at my cup size. Why should everyone get to know that?

I’m not that old......

 

That’s it: I’m orf to try out a tractor beam 

And today’s thought: I was always taught to respect my elders and I've now reached the age when I don't have anybody to respect.

 Angus

THE SUNDAY SECTION

Bacon Butty?

Here’s the best place to get one according to the AA-Bob's Big Bite in Stourbridge; a combination of "solid back bacon" between "robust" hand-sliced bread presented on "a real plate with a paper napkin" according to the Telegraph.

Or how a bout Britain’s best cup of char: Mega Bites cafe in Portsmouth.

And after that the best loos can be found at Mickey's Diner in Aylesford, Kent.

These discoveries were made by Andy Taylor, the AA's patrolman of the year who spent a month travelling round, and gaining half a stone in weight.

The “experts” in Leeds University have of course made vital research into this most important subject, and have produced a recipe for the perfect bacon butty-Take two or three back bacon rashers, cook under a preheated grill for seven minutes at around 240°C and nestle between two slices of farmhouse bread around 1-2cm thick.

And there is even a formula-N = C + {fb (cm) . fb (tc)} + fb (Ts) + fc . ta, where N=force in Newtons required to break the cooked bacon, fb=function of the bacon type, fc=function of the condiment/filling effect, Ts=serving temperature, tc=cooking time, ta=time or duration of application of condiment/filling, cm=cooking method, C=Newtons required to break uncooked bacon.


I can smell the bacon now.



How not to behave at an airport- The Register

The woman turned up late for her flight to San Franciso, the plane doors had been closed and her luggage was offloaded, she threw a “wobbly”, you will need earpugs if you click on the video.


Spoilt brat comes to mind.


See through trains- The Register

Well not really, but female staff who work for Express's East Coast line connecting London and Edinburgh have refused to sport new uniforms because the blouses leave "little to the imagination" of passengers.

The Transport Salaried Staffs Association said that staff had returned the offending clothing to the company demanding a less transparent alternative.

The SUN of course has provided a photo of a see through blouse here, if you feel the need lads.

Still I suppose it’s better then looking at the back of someones head when you are standing because the train is so crowded.




And staying on the “wobbly bits” theme- quicker-drying bras • The Register , the ultimate accessory for those ladies who don’t have more than one bra- The Bra Dryer, which uses infra-red heat to “gently remove moisture” from the offending item.

Maybe they could make use of it at Express's East Coast.




And finally Ryanair may charge cattle to use the bog • The Register

Yes I know it’s old news but, Ryanair is taking the piss, passengers have to load their own luggage, pay for everything from food to the air they breathe, in order for the airline to “keep lowering the cost of air travel." Eventually the “extras” will cost more than the flight: the next thing will be a whip round for the fuel before take off.

If it comes into force here is a link for urine drainage bags, giant nappies are available from all good drug stores: it may work out cheaper.

“Flying might not be all plain sailing, but the fun of it is worth the price.” Amelia Earhart


Angus

NHS Behind the headlines

Angus Dei politico