Level Lateness; "L" of a Parrot; Blow up Bovines; and How not to cure Vertigo.

Piss poor day at the Castle this morn, even more skywater, less atmospheric movement, even less lack of cold and sod all solar stuff.

Just returned from the stale bread substitute, gruel and his Maj's food run dahn Tesco, prices are still yo-yoing faster than the Millionaires Club Sideboard changes what is laughingly called its mind, the internet robots seem to have been cloned into many, many arseholes, and they still only have two tills working.

The good news is that the plums have now returned to "normal", I can now sit and even cross my legs, walk loads of yardy things and have a lot more energy, the old blood sugar levels have gorn dahn to around 4.5 and stayed there for quite a few days.

 

Dahn in Zommerzet

After almost forty days of wet stuff the Gov has finally got orf its collective arse and is allegedly going to send what is left of  the army (all seven of them) to "sort out" the floods by sending in amphibious vehicles.

Oh joy, let's hope they are not the same as the ones in London...

 

Up Norf to the left hand part of Yorkshire

 

Apparently a learner driver has had her motor seized by the plod after being caught driving on the M62 accompanied only by a parrot.

The woman, in her 50s, was pulled over on suspicion of speeding near junction 22 of the M62 in West Yorkshire on Sunday morning but officers discovered she only had a provisional licence.

Provisional licence holders are banned from driving on motorways and are only allowed to drive at all when accompanied by a qualified driver.

Apart from the driver herself, the only passenger found by police when they stopped the 4x4 around 8.45am on Sunday morning was a grey parrot.

A spokesman for West Yorkshire Police said the vehicle had been confiscated and the driver is expected to be charged with motor offences including speeding at a later date.

 

What a knob head...she should have made sure Polly had a full licence....

 

Right a whimsy to the land of comatose F1 drivers

 

A herd of dairy cows nearly lifted the roof off their barn in central Germany when methane released by the animals caused an explosion.

Police in Hesse state said in a statement that a static electric charge apparently triggered the detonation, and a spurt of flame, on Monday at a farm in Rasdorf.

The roof was slightly damaged and one cow suffered light burns - no-one was hurt. 

Police say 90 cows are kept in the shed and it wasn't clear why quantities of methane had built up.

Bovine belching and flatulence releases large quantities of the gas.

 

Right a bit more

 

A video has been posted online of a woman trying to cure her fear of heights by walking around the top of a 110m chimney stack.

The 37 second clip, shot in Prague, Czech Republic, shows the woman walking along with a man in strong winds.

It has notched up more than 163,000 hits on LiveLeak where it was described as a "cure for acrophobia".

One confused viewer commented: "How would this help someone with their fear of spiders?"

 

Nah.......

 

That's it: I'm orf to Test out a "Monopole" (And no that isn't a single man from Poland).

 

And today's thought:

 

Stay at home then.

 

Angus

Abuse of Bliar: Sexy arm pits: Japanese love gap tax: Cow/Horse/Cow?: and the Het Arresthuis Hotel.

Oodles of lack of warm, bucket loads of skywater, more than a cough of atmospheric movement and still bugger all solar stuff at the Castle this morn, just returned from the Honda’s MOT-a nice pass with no “to do” thingies so just the insurance in July and the road tax in September to look forward to.

 

Ex Prime Monster Tone Bliar

Is apparently still being abused about the Iraq war,  ten years on from the start of the Iraq War, walnut tan was asked in a candid interview on BBC2’s Newsnight whether he minded if “people call you a liar, some people call you a war criminal, protesters follow you.

"It’s difficult to walk down the street in a country”, he replied: “It really doesn’t matter whether it’s taken its toll on me.

“The fact is yes there are people who will be very abusive, by the way I do walk down the street and by the way I won an election in 2005 after Iraq. However, yes it remains extremely divisive and very difficult.”

Mr Bliar conceded that he had “long since given up trying to persuade people it was the right decision”.

 

Good; because it wasn’t you warmonger....

 

According to “scientists” from the Czech Republic

The Ladies found the odour of sweat from men's shaved armpits more attractive than the sharp smell of hairy armpits. The women, who participated in the study, did not know what kind of samples they were given to smell during the study.

The women could not tolerate the smell from unshaved armpits. The researchers believe that the study showed the process of evolution in action.

Under the pressure of society, women start to prefer weakened odours of the male body or, rather, artificial smells (perfumes, deodorants), while nature provided for a positive reaction to natural sweat odours. Evolution left hair in armpits to attract opposite sexes to each other.

 

Bet the French are excited.....

 

East to the land of negative radioactive effects

It seems that Japan has faced an economic crisis tied with a seriously declining birth rate and an increased aging population.

Economic analyst Morinaga Takuro suggested a novel and rather unique solution to addressing the country’s problem: taxing handsome men.

This proposition of taxing handsome men will supposedly create a way for “homely” guys to find women, get married, and have babies.

Other than the “wealth gap,” Morinaga sees the “love gap” as a fundamental factor of Japan’s declining birth-rate. Therefore, he concludes that if Japan were to tax the ikemen (handsome men) and reduce the taxes of not-so-handsome men, then maybe the country’s economy would be better in a year’s time.

The proposed handsome-men tax would include doubling the taxes of those unlikely chaps who qualify and reducing the taxes by 10-20% for those who are not so handsome. As for the judging of whether someone is handsome or not, there will be a panel of randomly selected women to decide.

 

Glad I don’t live in Japan, I can’t afford any more taxes…

 

Norf of the border

Belted Galloway cow Hettie Moo was orphaned after her mother died while giving birth and she was hand-reared at the Cairngorms Reindeer Centre in Aviemore.

After being spared from the dinner table, she now wows thousands of admiring spectators every year as she struts her stuff for Chariots of Fire.

Having only grown up next to humans and horses, Hettie feels right at home being ridden and attached to a carriage - conquering jumps as high as two foot.

 

Funny that because apparently there are loads of ‘Orses that think they are Cows especially dahn  Tesco's.

 

And finally:

 

Right a bit to the land of old, tall people

People are paying good money to stay in one of Holland's most feared prisons - after it was transformed into a luxury hotel.

The 105 cells at Het Arresthuis have been converted into 40 spacious rooms, featuring modern furnishings and chic interior design, reports the Daily Mail.

All of the rooms are equipped with air conditioning, a flat screen TV, free WiFi, and a personal coffee and tea machine.

The hotel also features a sauna, fitness centre, central patio with olive trees, and an organic herb garden.

It is voted the best hotel in the Dutch town of Roermond and one of the best in all of Holland by users of the Trip Advisor website.

Het Arresthuis - which means The Judgement House - opened its doors in 1862 and quickly established a reputation as an intimidating jail.

After being abandoned for a number of years, the jail reopened in 2002. But in mid 2007 it closed permanently after which construction of the hotel began.

 

Sounds just like one our normal nicks....

 That’s it: I’m orf to stretch a battery

 

And today’s thought:

At least the French economy will get a boost.

 

 

Angus

 

YEAH RIGHT!

Bit late today, had to go for a fasting blood test and stock up on food for the cat as the mare will only eat fresh chicken and kitten food in gravy (although she is 12).

Still, first up:




Motorists in bank holiday traffic misery after cattle invaded M25 Thousands of motorists returning from the bank holiday weekend faced traffic misery after cattle invaded the M25 causing it to close for nearly three hours.

Two bulls and a heifer broke free and strayed onto the motorway after the horse box they were being transported in overturned on the anticlockwise carriageway.

Police and Highways Agency traffic officers rushed to the scene between junctions 5 and 6 near Sevenoaks, Surrey, and closed the road in both directions at 7pm on Monday.

Which stopped the traffic from Moooving.

The Telegraph has this- Can he fix it-god knows! Young boys are developing closer bonds with television characters such as Bob the Builder than with their own, time-pressed parents, leading child expert Sue Palmer has warned.

Miss Palmer says that while children will always become attached to a favourite toy or story character, marketers are now exploiting this trait by creating a whole industry around it of DVDs, books and toys.

She believes that if parents use such pastimes as a substitute for spending time with their offspring, they could suffer from emotional and communication problems and struggle to form good human relationships in later life.

"The danger is that the child will be more fascinated by the things they see on screen, and not learn and be fascinated by real-life human beings and real-life play."

While Miss Palmer concedes that children of both sexes are increasingly in thrall to technology, boys seem to succumb more to the "unholy alliance between technology and consumerism", and are more susceptible to the need for "toy consumption".

Kids have always been the same, I was fascinated by muffin the mule but I turned out OK……..what?

French prisoners get their own Tour de France - Telegraph A select group of French prisoners will be given a rare taste of freedom next month when they are let out of jail to participate in their own Tour de France.

Close to 200 prisoners will take to the open roads as they cycle around France next month in the first penal version of the Tour de France, though they will be accompanied by scores of guards on bicycles.

The 196 prisoners will cycle in a pack and breakaway sprints will not be allowed.
They will be accompanied by 124 guards and prison sports instructors.

And the point of this is?

Staying with the prison theme-Gang busted for prison mobile phone delivery with toy chopper Brazilian police caught gang members using a remote-controlled toy helicopter to deliver mobile phones to colleagues locked up in a top-security prison.

Four suspects were arrested late on Sunday outside a maximum security facility in the southern town of Presidente Venceslau in Brazil's Sao Paulo state after the mini-chopper, 14 mobile telephones and the equivalent of 500 dollars in cash were found in their rented car, according to reports in local media.

They had been stopped for a routine inspection because of their proximity to the prison, which holds organised crime bosses and other dangerous inmates.

Brazil's criminals often continue illicit activities while serving time, relying on mobile phones that are smuggled inside using increasingly creative methods. In the past, carrier pigeons and doctored Bibles have been used.

So, what were the guards doing while this helicopter was buzzing about coming and going?

And finally:

Artist creates pictures by folding paper
Artist Simon Schubert has created an extraordinary collection of pictures - made up of hundreds of tiny folds in paper.

At first glance the elaborate pictures, which sell for up to £3,800, seem to have been created with pencil or paint but they are actually composed of tiny folds in the paper.

Mr Schubert spent two years perfecting the art of folding paper into his elaborate designs.
Mr Schubert, who lives in Cologne, Germany, with his wife Cosima, 37, and their twin children Lilith and Kilian, two, said he often had to convince people his pictures aren't painted.

He said: "Most of the people who see the work are surprised that the pictures are created by folding paper, they don't believe it when I tell them.

I’ve heard about this, isn’t it called Origami?


“Disbelief in magic can force a poor soul into believing in government and business.”-Tom Robbins



Angus

NHS Behind the headlines

Angus Dei politico

Angus Dei-NHS The Other Side