Article 50: Salad days in Toronto: A load of bull: Pokemon Pratt: Monkey see-monkey vote and even more Bull.

Much lack of warm, a whimsy of atmospheric movement, even less skywater and Dawns crack is quite wide at the Castle this morn.

The temperature has finally dropped below 30c (or 86 in C of  E) which means that poor old Angus can finally operate within “normal” parameters and his Maj can move about without collapsing in a panting heap.

Oh to be in Blighty now that summers has come-and gorn-probably

                                             The Brexit bollocks is still dragging its feet

But apparently if the new Prime Monster gets orf her arse we could get out much faster- 

Theoretically, there is nothing to stop a British Government unilaterally withdrawing from the EU by simply repealing the 1972 European Communities Act. Article 50 compels only the EU to seek a negotiation, not the withdrawing member state. 

So come on May get us out and “negotiate” later, after all Blighty managed to survive for many-many years before the EU and it will survive after.

Meanwhile lots of miles to the left and up quite a lot

Police have charged a 52-year-old Brampton, Ont., man with careless driving after a transport truck carrying large vats of salad dressing rolled over on a busy Toronto highway while making a turn.

The single-vehicle crash caused a flood of thick neon green and white sludge to spill over the road as the truck lay on its side.

Ontario Provincial Police Sgt. Kerry Schmidt says the incident took place at about 11 a.m. on Tuesday and left the driver of the vehicle with just a few cuts and scrapes.

He says the truck was "fully loaded" with bulk loads of salad dressing, mayonnaise and other food products.

Crews spent the whole afternoon at the scene of the crash (at the Don Valley Parkway northbound ramp to Highway 401 West) cleaning up the mess.

And having lunch-probably.

Right oodles of KMs and dahn a bit

A Spanish bullfighter is seriously ill in hospital after being gored three times in a horrific onslaught which saw a bull’s horn pierce his lung.

The incident comes a fortnight after Victor Barrio was killed in the ring.

Pablo Belando, 26, was “very serious” after being gored in his chest, leg and buttocks in Madrid’s famous Las Ventas bullring.

Twatt....

Right even more units of length and dahn a lot

JAKARTA, Indonesia -- Indonesian police say they detained a Frenchman who trespassed on a military base while playing the augmented reality game Pokemon Go.

A spokesman for West Java police said that Romain Pierre, 27, was caught at a checkpoint on Monday evening after initially running away when challenged by security guards at the military complex in Cirebon.

Pierre was released a few hours later because it became apparent "he unintentionally entered the complex as he was hunting Pokemon while jogging," the police spokesman, Col. Yusri Yunus, said Tuesday.

Le Pratt....

 Still in the same area-ish

BANGKOK -- Election officials in northern Thailand think they can buy off a gang of monkey vandals with fresh fruit and vegetables, after about 100 macaques tore up voter lists publicly posted ahead of next month's referendum on a proposed constitution.

District official Surachai Maneeprakorn said a large population of the monkeys lives behind the Buddhist temple where the polling station they raided Sunday is set up in an open hall.

"For some reason they were being very naughty and started tearing up the lists," he said.

Local officials brought the animals food Monday, and hope that if that does not deter them, then newly installed sliding glass doors protecting the reposted lists might, said Phichit district election official Prayoon Jakkraphatcharakul.

I do love an optimist......

And finally:

Back over to what’s left of the EU

Six foreigners, including three Americans, were among seven people gored in a second running of thebulls at Pamplona’s San Fermin festival, according to the Navarra regional government.

A 58-year-old Spaniard identified only by the initials FLR, a 73-year-old South African man 

identified as MHO, and a 48-year-old Canadian with the initials PCO were in serious condition, a statement said.

The regional government said one American, 55 and identified by the initials PGO, and another, aged 23 with the initials WRO, were gored but their injuries were reported to be less serious. A third American, a 46-year-old with the initials JGO, and a 26-year-old Indian, with the initials NSO, were also said to have sustained less serious injuries.

The regional government said nine others were taken to city hospitals for injuries from the run. Several of the six bulls used in the event became separated from the pack moments into the 8am run and began charging people in their way.

A mass of Twatts identified by the initials F------ I-----

That’s it: I’m orf to get my hips replaced

And today’s thought:

"Expecting the world to treat you fairly because you are good is like expecting the bull not to charge because you are a vegetarian."
~ Dennis Wholey ~ 

Angus

Still here: Homophobic explosion: Dickey gummy bear: Devil’s todger: Manhattan parking: Grassing on a thief: and something to do with Scotland.

Oodles of mist and mellow fruitfulness, just a whimsy of atmospheric movement, not a jot of skywater and bugger all solar stuff at the Castle this morn.

It’s been a bit of a “funny” last couple of months, two close members of the family have shuffled orf this mortal coil, my sister (expected) and “M”’s brother who decided to give up the ghost one day after the ninth anniversary of her exit (not expected).

On the way back from my sister’s thingy (400 mile round trip) the timing belt on the Honda also decided to expire and the engine blew up on the M4.

So I decided to go “European” and am now the owner of a Peugeot 206 in French “racing” green, not a bad motor, only done a handful of miles, it even has automatic lights and wipers (which behave like the French-they only seem to work in the mornings) and an “adaptive automatic gearbox” which is not bilingual.

Time will tell...

 

Poor old Angus has a touch of Ginger’s brother Arthur in his left knee and whilst visiting my general medic he decided to take an inordinate amount of interest in my prostate and rear exit suggesting that he should insert his finger into said orifice to check it out. The second word uttered by poor old Angus was orf, so we settled on a blood test instead.

More to come....

 

East to the land of stuff and water

 

Apparently the annual floods have arrived in Pakistan causing many problems and lack of life, the solution was to blow up a couple of dykes.

 

How homophobic can you get.....?

 

Dahn Unda and right a bit

 

Inappropriately shaped lollies on sale exclusively in the South Island have been branded offensive and recalled from shops.

Barrie Aburn, of Dunedin, said his daughters Cadence (8), Rhianna (6) and Payton (5) bought a bag of Dragon Sweets from Moyles SuperValue in Green Island and gave it to him for his birthday.

Mr Aburn's partner, Jacqui Hawkins, said she randomly took a sweet from the bag and found it was shaped in the form of male genitals.

Another lolly in the bag was a gummy baby with a penis, she said.

''I don't find anything amusing about it at all. I find it disgusting,'' she said.

Dutch Rusk managing director Willem Van de Geest, of Nelson, said the Stoke confectionery company imported 7200 bags of mixed gummy lollies, called Dragon Sweets, from a Chinese manufacturer about six weeks ago.

The lollies were originally designed for sale in England and were not considered offensive in Asia.

In Asia, the shape was considered a sign of fertility and health, he said.

 

Too much whacky baccy Mr Geest?

 

West a lot and up a fair amount

 

The statue of a devil with an erect penis could be back up in Vancouver if the city caves to residents who started a petition after it was removed.

Municipal crews in Vancouver took the statue away Tuesday after it mysteriously appeared near a highway, atop a pedestal that used to have a commemorative statue of Christopher Columbus.

The life-size red devil has black horns, a forked tail and an anatomically faithful -- and naked -- physique.

Officials told Global News it wasn't commissioned by the city.

But plenty of people want the "Beelzebub-With-a-Boner" statue re-erected, according to a Change.org petition which had more than 1,500 signatures as of Thursday evening.

"(It) should be reinstalled as a piece of public art and serve as a reminder that art is in the eye of the beholder and nothing more," Darryl Greer, who started the petition, wrote.

Greer points out the statue cost the city nothing, unlike a "cartoonish" porcelain dog on Main Street that cost nearly $100,000.

 

The devils in the detail.....

 

Dahn a bit

 

A new development, 42 Crosby Street, is pushing the limits of New York City real estate to new heights with 10 underground parking spots that will cost more per square foot than the apartments being sold upstairs.

The million-dollar parking spots will be offered on a first-come-first-served basis to buyers at the 10-unit luxury apartment building being developed by Atlas Capital Group at Broome and Crosby Streets, itself the former site of a parking lot. At $250,000 a tire, the parking spaces in the underground garage cost more than four times the national median sales price for a home, which is $217,800, according to Zillow.

So instead of a 5,000-square-foot house with a wine cellar in Dallas or a 3,500-square-foot home with a sauna in Seattle, one could choose 150 square feet in the basement of 42 Crosby, a condominium designed by the architect Annabelle Selldorf.

 Bloody hell! I hope Grimly dark doesn’t hear about this....

 

Up Norf

 

Maureen McKenna, 58, was caught on CCTV cameras for 40 minutes nicking a lawn.

With an accomplice, she removed the front lawn at 5am and both were seen walking away with pieces of it.

They even stopped for a cigarette break in Skelmersdale, Lancs.

McKenna was arrested and charged with theft after the footage circulated in July.

Appearing at Ormskirk Magistrates Court, she was sentenced to three months prison.

 

Grassed up? 

 

And finally: 

Even further up Norf

Apparently there is going to be a vote in the land of noisy squashy bags and deep fried mars bars about whether the Scots want to remain part of the UK or not.

Good luck to them, if they vote yes then Hadrian’s Wall will have to be heightened and extended, many-many people will have to apply for a new passport, oodles of Scottish MPs will have to be deported and the blue will disappear from the Union flag thingy.

 If they vote no then we will continue to be governed by plonkers with names like Cameron and Alexander, until next year anyway and all will calm dahn and Salmond will crawl back into his sporran and desist his ranting.

 

Or not.....

That’s it: I’m orf to get a Boris

 

And today’s thought:

There’s a shock.

 

Angus

If: Boeing-Boeing splash: and Fappy wanker.

Medium amounts of lack of cold, maximum amounts of  sod all solar stuff, nary a sniff of atmospheric movement and imminent skywater at the Castle this morn.

Almost a lunar cycle has passed since the last post (where does time go?) and poor old Angus has been doing oodles of stuff-gardening, sorting out, travelling, shopping and much walking.

 

The "news" around Blighty is a bit iffy, it seems that our sports people have not done their best, and dirty old men and the kiddie fiddlers have been having a field day.

 

Minty Andy

 

Managed to fuck up Wimbledon.

 

Nice one Murray...

 

The England football "team"

 

Managed to fuck up the World Cup.

No real surprise there, but although I hate Footballers with a vengeance isn't it about time that

"foreign" players were banned from the leagues, then we might have a chance of gathering a

decent squad.....

 

The Piss Poor Millionaires Club Coalition

 

 

Is about to fuck up a large piece of what used to be the railways by giving £90 million of fare

payers money to all and sundry (I wish) in order to give commuters faster Wi-Fi on chuff-

chuffs in about four years.

Shouldn't "they" use the dosh to make the trains better now?

 

Boris Johnson 

 

 Is just a fuck up, and has decided that cash can no longer be used on any of London's buses in a move that Transport for London (TfL) says will save £24m a year.

Passengers will need a prepaid or concessionary ticket, Oyster card or a contactless payment card to travel.

TfL said only 0.7% of all bus journeys were paid for with cash and that tourists were unlikely to be affected.

 

Yeah right.....

 

Allegedly "Lord" Brittan

 

Has been accused over a historical allegation of rape.

The Independent on Sunday says Lord Brittan, as he is now known, is understood to have been questioned last month about the claim, which relates to an incident in London in 1967.

The Tory peer reportedly strongly denies the allegations.

Lord Brittan, 74, was not an MP at the time of the alleged rape.

 

Oh well that's all fucking right then....

 

Arsehole Aussie

 

Is about to fucked up after being jailed for nearly six years for 12 indecent assaults against four girls - including one aged just seven or eight.

Harris, who was found guilty of offences that took place between 1968 and 1986, was told by the judge he had "no-one to blame but himself".

He displayed no emotion and stared straight ahead as he was jailed.

 

Still can't tell what it is then....

 

"Sir" Paul McCartney

 

Has apparently been fucked up for a couple of months by a "virus" which forced him to take a break from his "tour".

The 72-year-old played an arena in Albany, New York, on Saturday night as part of his Out There tour.

The former Beatle called off the Japan leg of the tour and a South Korea show after falling ill on 16 May and later postponed a number of US dates.

He spent six days in a Tokyo hospital being treated for the viral infection.

Before his illness, Sir Paul had last performed on May 1 in Costa Rica.

 

Shame it wasn't a bit more virulent.

 

Left a lot to Montana

 

 Three Boeing 737 fuselages were fucked up when they tumbled down a steep bank and into the Clark Fork River in western Montana after a train derailed.

Montana Rail Link spokeswoman Lynda Frost said Saturday that it's unclear the type of challenge involved because it's the first time the company has faced such a task.

No one was injured when 19 cars from a westbound train derailed Thursday about 10 miles west of Alberton. The cause of the derailment is under investigation.

The train carried six fuselages. Three others also fell off but stayed on land. Frost says Boeing has had workers at the scene assessing the damage.

The fuselages were headed to Renton, Washington, to be assembled into completed airliners.

 

Or not......

 

And finally:

 

Still in the land of the brave and the home of the free          

 

A mascot for a Christian anti-masturbation group was arrested Sunday for masturbating in public. The organization recently finished a federally funded 31-city nationwide school tour which it says focused on educating both children and parents about the dangerous consequences of masturbation.

Fappy The Anti-Masturbation Dolphin, whose real name is 35-year-old Paul Horner, was arrested on Sunday at Metta Yoga in Phoenix after employees notified police about a man with no pants on peering through office windows.

Lonnie Childs who is president and founder of Stop Masturbation Now spoke with reporters about the future of the organization after this recent setback. “Thanks to your tax dollars, Fappy has helped tens of thousands of adults and children learn to live a masturbation-free lifestyle

Paul Horner is a great man. He’s passionate about his work, he loves being Fappy, he loves the kids. They even have a nickname for him, they call him the tickle monster. But now, all of that is possibly ruined by some trumped-up charges by the Phoenix five-oh, such a shame. I have activated my prayer app and I ask each and every one of you to keep Fappy in your prayers until this incident is resolved. Praise Fappy!”

 

Ironic Wanker....

 

That's it: I'm orf to be ironic.

 

And today's thought:

Must stay away from up Norf for a day or two.

 

 

Angus

Well...: Crotch-less Dahn Unda: Portland Posers: Taking the piss in Miami: Canadian Dildo: and Missing money in OZ.

Not a hint of skywater, even less atmospheric movement, more than enough lack of cold and Dawn's crack stretches from East to West at the Castle this morn.

 

Well, another 21 light and dark things have passed since the last post, not a lot has been going on in bollixed Blighty, Niggle Garage did his thing and scooped up a few more seats in the Eurowaste Parliament, and didn't do his thing in the by election Norf of Watford, no surprises there then.

It's not that I don't like old Niggle (but I don't) it's that apart from getting out of the EU his "party" doesn't seem to have any other policies which worries me more than a tad.

Next year will sort it out.....

 

The garden is doing loads of things; there's blue stuff, red stuff, mauve stuff, white stuff and loads of other stuff bursting out, the moss is mown and the deck/recliner/rocker is out ready for a bit of vitamin D absorption and I have even got the shorts out.

 

After yet another holiday the Piss Poor Policies Millionaires Club Coalition has returned to the Palace of Westminster for a while and the bickering continues.

 

Dahn Unda

 

Allegedly A shop manager was pelted with sex toys by an intruder wearing a wig and crotch-less pants in an Australian erotica store stick-up, police said.

The man forced his way into the Brisbane adult shop through the roof just before 5:30 am on Saturday, setting off the alarm.

"Upon being disturbed the man threw a number of items he was attempting to steal out of his hands and proceeded to climb back through the roof," police said in a statement.

"Police located the man climbing down from the roof of the business."

According to local media reports, the intruder was wearing a wig, crotch-less pants and a dress.

He was charged with breaking and entering and drug possession offences.

Seems he didn't know if he was coming or going........

 

Right quite a lot and up just as much

Thousands of bicyclists, many of them stark naked, poured into the streets of Portland, Oregon last night for the 11th annual World Naked Bike Ride, a protest that promotes bike riding as an alternative to driving cars.

Nude cyclists with lights flashing in their tyre spokes rang bells as they barrelled down avenues lined with cheering spectators, while a naked, apparently pregnant woman rode in a bike trailer.

“This is a party, but it’s also a protest,” said Carl Larson, a ride spokesman. 

“It is about oil dependence, cycling vulnerability and body” image.

Jennifer Young, 40, who was at the ride with her 16-year-old son and was painted blue head to toe with fairy wings on her back, saw the goal as showing cyclists’ vulnerability, saying “I think it’s a little more evident when we’re naked.

 

Well if they worked a bit harder they could buy a motor........

 

Dahn a bit to the sunny state of the land of the brave and the home of the free

A Miami man who, police say, shot a man while they were arguing  faced a judge Friday.

Gilberto Martinez, 28, was arrested on Thursday, June 5th after police said he pulled a gun on two people, shooting one, after they commented over Martinez peeing in front of a home.

According to his arrest report, Jose Martinez and Genaro Merlos had just returned home from the store when they saw Gilberto Martinez urinating in front of their home.

The two men told the Gilberto he should not be doing that because there were small children at the house, according to the report.

Gilberto allegedly took offense to the comment and pulled out a black hand gun, stated the report.

Jose Martinez attempted to run away but was shot three times in the torso area.

Gilberto, then allegedly turned the gun on Merlos and said, “You too,” and pulled the trigger.

According to the report, Merlos, “heard the click of the gun but nothing happened.”

Gilberto then ran away but was later arrested.

Police said Gilberto Martinez later admitted to shooting the Jose Martinez  and then leaving the area.

Gilberto Martinez is charged with one count of attempted second degree murder.

A judge on Friday ordered him to be held on $50,000 bound plus house arrest.

 

Let's hope he has an indoor lav....

 

Up quite a lot to the Norf country

 

An hour west of Newfoundland’s provincial capital, Dildo is a quiet, meandering harbor town with a population of 1,200. At one time, it flourished on the back of a burgeoning whaling and fishing industry; today, its name is that only thing that keeps people coming.

Though there may not be a whole lot to do there (the top three “Dildo attractions” on Tripadvisor are all hotels), the town’s residents are a proud, boisterous bunch, and partake in a number of annual festivities. Each summer, “Captain Dildo” -- an old wooden statue of a boat skipper -- leads the Annual Dildo Parade through the streets. (If you’re lucky enough to attend, be sure to snag an “I Survived Dildo Day” souvenir T-shirt -- they’re a hot commodity!)

 

Must add that to the bucket list....

 

And finally 

Back Dahn Unda

 

Allegedly Australians lose more than $100 million worth of coins down the back of sofas and car seats each year, the Royal Australian Mint said.

Mint chief executive Ross MacDiarmid told a government hearing that 255 million coins disappear annually and are replaced.

"Most of the coins that we provide are against coins that disappear down the back of chairs, down the back of car seats, into rubbish dumps and, in some cases, are taken overseas," he told a Senate committee Tuesday night.

"We are talking about AUD$110 million ($112.2 million) worth of coins."

 

Which is about £4.50 in proper money.....

 

That's it: I'm orf to try out a smart loo

 

And today's thought:

Dawn of the dead

 

 

Angus

So: Knob head 'Dave' gets it over Europe: Wait a week to see your general medic: Cover your manhole: Serial crapper: Weird Eurovision winner: and the Eierschalensollbruchstellenverursacher.

Much skywater, even more atmospheric movement, quite a lot of lack of cold and Dawn's crack seems to have healed over.

It seems like it's been three weeks since the last post, mainly because I went dahn to Tesco on the gruel, stale bread substitute and his Maj's food run a while ago and picked up an infection of the nasal passages, I think they had a catch one get one free deal on at the time because the old bowels have been less than satisfactory since.

But I waited a week to see my general medic who diagnosed a sinus infection and a stay close to the toilet thingy.

After a few days of industrial antibiotics poor old Angus is on the mend.

 

And talking of stuff that comes out of the rear exit

Dave Cam our delightful Prime Monster is telling us that he understands as he appeals directly to those disenchanted with the EU ahead of the local and euro elections.

Writing in The Telegraph, he proclaims his “passionate” and “optimistic” belief in Britain’s potential, arguing that “real” patriots should vote Tory rather than be tempted to support the UK Independence Party.

“If you’re thinking 'I’ve heard all this before’ – I get it,” he says, before going on to offer his personal guarantee that he will resign as prime minister if he cannot deliver an in-out referendum on Britain’s membership of the EU after the election next year.

 

Fat fucking chance, and who the hell is going to vote for Niggle Garage and his load of racist Numptys....

 

It seems that poor old angus isn't the only one in the NHS queue

Allegedly Patients waited more than a week to see their GP on almost 50 million occasions last year, new figures show.

An analysis by the Royal College of GPs found that 47 million GP appointments in 2013 – one in six of all consultations – involved a wait of at least seven days to see a doctor or nurse.

In 2012, the figure was 40 million – suggesting a rise of 17 per cent, year on year. If the trend continues, projections suggest that next year 57 million GP appointments will involve a wait of a week or more.

Senior doctors last night warned GPs were buckling under the demands of an ageing population, and that too often only those who “shouted the loudest” were able to secure help quickly. Experts said some patients were forced to wait even longer than a week, with delays of up to a month for appointments at some surgeries.

 

So it's us old farts that are causing it; still waiting times should plummet when they bring in the ten pound charge to see your general medic....

 

Right a lot to Taiwan

 

 A scooter rider has been caught on camera falling off his vehicle - and then sliding straight into an open manhole.

He loses balance after clipping the right wing mirror of the car, goes into a skid, comes off his scooter and falls down the hole.

The accident was filmed in Taiwan and has been viewed more than 30,000 times since it was uploaded to YouTube.

The rider luckily escaped with just a few minor injuries.

 

Luckily my manhole has never has a scooter rider up it.....

 

Left even more to the home of the free and the land of the brave

 

Deputies are looking for a man who is accused of defecating in multiple yards in a Houston neighborhood.

The man has allegedly struck one home on Byrne Street so many times it forced the homeowners to install security cameras to catch the man in the act.

Police are looking for the man seen in the surveillance photos, saying he has defecated in the front yard of that home six times -- and has spread his waste to other homes in the area.

"This is our neighborhood. Whatever people think should go on around here -- pooping is not OK," neighbor Aimee Parsons told KPRC-TV in Houston.

 

Oh shit......

 

Last eve I turned over to BBC1 to watch the news and was confronted with

 This:

 

The "winner" of the Eurowasting Song doodah turns out to be a bloke with a beard wearing a dress and singing a song that should have been consigned to the editing room floor.

Apparently Austrian drag act Conchita Wurst has been crowned the winner of the 59th annual Eurovision Song Contest held in Denmark's capital, Copenhagen.

The singer, whose real name is Tom Neuwirth, won with the song Rise Like a Phoenix, collecting 290 points.

The Netherlands finished second with 238 points, with Sweden in third place with 218 points.

The UK's Molly Smitten-Downes came 17th, with 40 points for her song Children of the Universe.

 

Another reason to get out.....

 

And finally

 

Dahn a bit to the place where the great British Mini comes from

 

It seems that the Germans have a thing that can crack soft boiled eggs and is called the Eierschalensollbruchstellenverursacher.

Wonderful: I've had one for years...it's called a spoon.....

 

That's it: I'm orf to get a transfusion...if I can get an appointment...

 

And today's thought:

The paradox of growing old

 

Angus