Well...: Crotch-less Dahn Unda: Portland Posers: Taking the piss in Miami: Canadian Dildo: and Missing money in OZ.

Not a hint of skywater, even less atmospheric movement, more than enough lack of cold and Dawn's crack stretches from East to West at the Castle this morn.

 

Well, another 21 light and dark things have passed since the last post, not a lot has been going on in bollixed Blighty, Niggle Garage did his thing and scooped up a few more seats in the Eurowaste Parliament, and didn't do his thing in the by election Norf of Watford, no surprises there then.

It's not that I don't like old Niggle (but I don't) it's that apart from getting out of the EU his "party" doesn't seem to have any other policies which worries me more than a tad.

Next year will sort it out.....

 

The garden is doing loads of things; there's blue stuff, red stuff, mauve stuff, white stuff and loads of other stuff bursting out, the moss is mown and the deck/recliner/rocker is out ready for a bit of vitamin D absorption and I have even got the shorts out.

 

After yet another holiday the Piss Poor Policies Millionaires Club Coalition has returned to the Palace of Westminster for a while and the bickering continues.

 

Dahn Unda

 

Allegedly A shop manager was pelted with sex toys by an intruder wearing a wig and crotch-less pants in an Australian erotica store stick-up, police said.

The man forced his way into the Brisbane adult shop through the roof just before 5:30 am on Saturday, setting off the alarm.

"Upon being disturbed the man threw a number of items he was attempting to steal out of his hands and proceeded to climb back through the roof," police said in a statement.

"Police located the man climbing down from the roof of the business."

According to local media reports, the intruder was wearing a wig, crotch-less pants and a dress.

He was charged with breaking and entering and drug possession offences.

Seems he didn't know if he was coming or going........

 

Right quite a lot and up just as much

Thousands of bicyclists, many of them stark naked, poured into the streets of Portland, Oregon last night for the 11th annual World Naked Bike Ride, a protest that promotes bike riding as an alternative to driving cars.

Nude cyclists with lights flashing in their tyre spokes rang bells as they barrelled down avenues lined with cheering spectators, while a naked, apparently pregnant woman rode in a bike trailer.

“This is a party, but it’s also a protest,” said Carl Larson, a ride spokesman. 

“It is about oil dependence, cycling vulnerability and body” image.

Jennifer Young, 40, who was at the ride with her 16-year-old son and was painted blue head to toe with fairy wings on her back, saw the goal as showing cyclists’ vulnerability, saying “I think it’s a little more evident when we’re naked.

 

Well if they worked a bit harder they could buy a motor........

 

Dahn a bit to the sunny state of the land of the brave and the home of the free

A Miami man who, police say, shot a man while they were arguing  faced a judge Friday.

Gilberto Martinez, 28, was arrested on Thursday, June 5th after police said he pulled a gun on two people, shooting one, after they commented over Martinez peeing in front of a home.

According to his arrest report, Jose Martinez and Genaro Merlos had just returned home from the store when they saw Gilberto Martinez urinating in front of their home.

The two men told the Gilberto he should not be doing that because there were small children at the house, according to the report.

Gilberto allegedly took offense to the comment and pulled out a black hand gun, stated the report.

Jose Martinez attempted to run away but was shot three times in the torso area.

Gilberto, then allegedly turned the gun on Merlos and said, “You too,” and pulled the trigger.

According to the report, Merlos, “heard the click of the gun but nothing happened.”

Gilberto then ran away but was later arrested.

Police said Gilberto Martinez later admitted to shooting the Jose Martinez  and then leaving the area.

Gilberto Martinez is charged with one count of attempted second degree murder.

A judge on Friday ordered him to be held on $50,000 bound plus house arrest.

 

Let's hope he has an indoor lav....

 

Up quite a lot to the Norf country

 

An hour west of Newfoundland’s provincial capital, Dildo is a quiet, meandering harbor town with a population of 1,200. At one time, it flourished on the back of a burgeoning whaling and fishing industry; today, its name is that only thing that keeps people coming.

Though there may not be a whole lot to do there (the top three “Dildo attractions” on Tripadvisor are all hotels), the town’s residents are a proud, boisterous bunch, and partake in a number of annual festivities. Each summer, “Captain Dildo” -- an old wooden statue of a boat skipper -- leads the Annual Dildo Parade through the streets. (If you’re lucky enough to attend, be sure to snag an “I Survived Dildo Day” souvenir T-shirt -- they’re a hot commodity!)

 

Must add that to the bucket list....

 

And finally 

Back Dahn Unda

 

Allegedly Australians lose more than $100 million worth of coins down the back of sofas and car seats each year, the Royal Australian Mint said.

Mint chief executive Ross MacDiarmid told a government hearing that 255 million coins disappear annually and are replaced.

"Most of the coins that we provide are against coins that disappear down the back of chairs, down the back of car seats, into rubbish dumps and, in some cases, are taken overseas," he told a Senate committee Tuesday night.

"We are talking about AUD$110 million ($112.2 million) worth of coins."

 

Which is about £4.50 in proper money.....

 

That's it: I'm orf to try out a smart loo

 

And today's thought:

Dawn of the dead

 

 

Angus

Cop that: Last voyage: EU serve olive oil: Up over Dahn Unda: and Harry has a banger.

Quite a lot of lack of cold, too much drizzly skywater, just enough atmospheric movement and sod all solar stuff at the Castle this morn, the elbow is still playing up, the garden is still doing its thing and his Maj is full of the joys of.......something.

 

Some white-bluebells

 

Some other white stuff

And some purple stuff

 

 

Just returned from the stale bread, gruel and his Maj's food run dahn Tesco, prices are going up so fast by the time you get to the checkout the increases are added to the bill.

A while since the last post, the old left handed brain cell has been a bit foggy and there hasn't been much to write about.

And to be honest there still isn't.

 

The main "news" item seems to be

The ongoing saga of the shit shovers and pussy pummellers "right" to wed, which is causing a bit of a hoo-ha in the Millionaires Club Coalition ranks, while the rest of us are more concerned with paying the bills and affording food "they" seen to think that this "bill" will attract the younger generation to the Tory cause so that Dave and his non gay mates will return to power at the next election.

 

Does anyone really give a culled Badgers bollocks?

 

 

All across buggered Blighty

Quite a lot of plod are doing rather well, apparently almost 5,000 retired police officers who have been re-employed by their old force are receiving both a pension and a salary paid by us.

Allegedly they are ‘double dipping’ into the public purse by receiving both a generous monthly pension and a salary from their new job, with one force having more than one in five of all civilian staff jobs carried out by former warranted officers.

Among those senior officers ‘double dipping’ is Andy Trotter, the Chief Constable of British Transport Police, who earns £150,000 at his current job and receives a further reported £70,000 a-year in pension, having retired from another force. 

A spokesman for the Police Federation said retired officers who went back to work for their old forces were providing a benefit to the public.

“If a retired officer wishes to do a civilian post this is not only beneficial for the service but also the public as it retains the knowledge and skills gained and uses these in a complimentary and important support function.”

 

Oh well: That's alright then.....

 

Dahn Sarf

To Pompey: Large crowds are expected to gather later to watch aircraft carrier Ark Royal leave the port for the final time.

The Royal Navy's former flagship was decommissioned early following the 2010 defence review and is being towed to Turkey for scrap.

As part of a £2.9m deal she will go to the same yard that took her sister ship Invincible.

Former crew members are expected to watch as she leaves at about 13:00 BST.

 

A sad day for the Navy and Blighty...

 

Right a bit to where the hard round green things come from

Allegedly European Union bureaucrats managed to find the time on Saturday to impose strict new rules on how restaurants serve olive oil.

From January 1, 2014, eateries will be banned from serving oil to diners in small glass jugs or dipping bowls, and forced instead to use pre-sealed, non-refillable bottles that must be disposed of when empty.

The European Commission said the move is designed to improve hygiene and reassure consumers the olive oil in restaurants has not been diluted with an inferior product.

 

Nice to see that they have their priorities right.....

 

Dahn Unda

 A controversial British-made hot air balloon takes to the skies this weekend to commemorate the 100th birthday of Australia's capital city.

Dubbed the Skywhale, the colossal creation was designed by artist Patricia Piccinini and built by Cameron Balloons in Bristol.

With its turtle-like face and ten huge udders, the Skywhale has divided opinion, as has the £192,000 cost of the project.

It is 34 metres long - twice the size of an average hot air balloon - and took 16 people seven months to make.

Ms Piccinini sent her 3D model of the Skywhale to Cameron Balloons last year who imported it into their design systems.

Cameron Balloons then transferred the colours, patterns and textures of the design onto 3,535 metres of fabric.

Ms Piccinini said: "It is such an amazing chance to make something so massive and wonderful.

 

Yeah right....

 

And finally:

 

Still Dahn Unda

Tiffany Evans was about to take her children to school when her Samoyed Harry brought her a "present". "Harry came running to the back door with what I assumed was a stick in his mouth. He stopped and gave it to me and I thought: 'It looks like a stick of dynamite'," she said.

Mrs Evans put the explosive aside and took the kids to school before returning to investigate. She then took the explosive into the family's road machinery factory at the rear of her property in Haven - south of Horsham in Victoria's west.

After emailing photos to friends and searching the internet, Mrs Evans was sure Harry had brought home either dynamite or gelignite.

Police were called in and photos sent to the bomb squad.

"The officers asked that no one got within 10m of it," Mrs Evans said.

After a tense wait the explosive was revealed to be a large fire cracker.

The cracker has been put in a mechanic's pit in the family's factory until they can work out how to get rid of it.

The "Interesting" bit is " Mrs Evans put the explosive aside and took the kids to school before returning to investigate."

 

Talk about laid back......

 

That's it: I'm orf to upgrade the desktop computer

 

And today's thought:

Now that I have my pension and a job we can afford to get married.

 

Angus

Still here: Don’t look Dahn Unda: Sea Launch: and not a Pooh stick in sight.

Usual at the Castle this morn-bloody cold, a whimsy of atmospheric movement, layers of week old snow and not even a glimmer of solar stuff, I spent most of yesterday “sorting out” my Bro-in-laws TV, something that should have taken half an hour turned into a five hour marathon-checked the aerial, checked the freeview box, checked the cables-all OK, checked the TV-OK, it turned out that the transmitter he was tuned to dahn near Haslemere had gorn tits up and all was returned to normal later in the evening.

 

Glad I use the London one.

 

The elbow is still about as much use as the Gov; it doesn’t work and refuses to listen to reason.

Many, many sorries for not visiting, answering emails, replying to comments, I will get round to it...

 

Fancy some gluten-free stuff Dahn Unda

Then don’t bother to go to Celiac Supplies in Brisbane because they are charging $5 just to have a look around, a sign on the store's door, posted online by Reddit user BarrettFox, reads: "There has been high volume of people who use this store as a reference and then purchase goods elsewhere. These people are unaware our prices are almost the same as the other stores."

The store's owner, Georgina, told the AAP newswire she's "had a gutful of working and not getting paid."

"I'm not here to dispense a charity service for Coles and Woolworths to make more money," said the woman, who didn't give her last name.

 

Bit of cutting orf the nose to spite the face methinks....

 

Somewhere on the one of the big wet salty things

Are two giant ships, a NASA-like mission control and a launch pad floating on the ocean, forming part of a multi-national venture for blasting commercial satellites into space. Sea Launch was established in 1995 as a consortium of four companies from Norway, Russia, Ukraine and the United States, managed by Boeing with participation from the other shareholders. Operated by the Russians, this commercial spacecraft launch service uses a mobile sea platform for equatorial launches of payloads on specialized Zenit 3SL rockets. Since the first rocket flight on March 1999, it has assembled and launched thirty-one rockets, with three failures and one partial failure.

The ship and launch platform operate from the home port in Long Beach, California, where the customer satellite is encapsulated in a Boeing-built fairing/adapter. The satellite is moved to the ship, where it is mated to the three-stage rocket, which then is moved to the launch platform for transportation to the launch site, where it is moved into upright position. The rocket is automatically fuelled and launched as engineers and customers control events from the nearby command ship.

 

I hope they have checked the batteries if Boeing is involved.....

 

And finally:

 

Messing about over the river-or not

The World Pooh Sticks Championships this weekend has been cancelled because the River Thames is too high and running too fast for safety boats.

More than 500 people from across the globe had been expected to take part in the game, invented by Winnie-the-Pooh creator AA Milne.

The competition, in which participants drop sticks into the river from one side of a bridge to see which emerges first at the other, has been taking place at Day’s Lock in Little Wittenham, Oxon for the last 30 years.

 

Oh.........POOH......

 

That’s it: I’m orf to have a gander at Jodrell’s big Orrery

 

And today’s thought:

 

Dunderheads are go

 

Angus

 

Tory tossers: Sodomised drivers: PGI bangers: Private speed cameras Dahn Unda: Flock orf Madrid: and a Blonde moment.

Lack of warm, less solar stuff, oodles of atmospheric movement and nary a drop of skywater at the Castle this morn, just returned from the stale bread, gruel and his Maj’s food run dahn Tesco, they have “improved” the fruit and veg sections, mainly by moving everything about and increasing the prices.

 

According to the Free Enterprise Group of Conservatives

 Too many on middle-range incomes are being dragged into the 40 per cent tax rate, and the Piss Poor Policies Millionaires Club Coalition should respond by increasing the rate at which the higher rate begins, and linking the threshold to earnings. That could take more than a million people out of higher-rate tax.

Kwasi Kwarteng, the MP for Spelthorne, and Priti Patel, the member for Witham, are worried that the tax system discourages enterprise and hurts the party’s appeal to middle-income workers.

Their report, ‘Motivating the Middle’, comes as Tory strategists debate how best to present the party as on the side of people who want to improve their lot in life.  

Another couple of Tosspots with their heads up each other’s arse...

 

And to make our lives even better

The rest of the fuckwits infesting the left hand side of the bit next to the leaning tower of Westminster are considering a new “two-tier” road tax system as part of a Government review of transport funding, it emerged yesterday.

The scheme would see drivers who only drive locally and stay off major roads paying a lower rate of Vehicle Excise Duty than those who use motorways.

Ministers are reviewing the future of VED as the sums it raises for the Treasury fall. The tax is related to the engine emissions of cars, and the move towards smaller, greener cars is reducing tax revenues.

The two-tier tax system is understood to be one of several options that have been considered as part of that review. Insiders insisted that no decisions had been taken and that ministers remained unconvinced by the proposal.

 

And just to screw motorists even more

If son of a B.....aronet George (alien reptile in disguise) Osborne hikes up the cost of go-juice by another 3pees per pint and a bit it would cost the economy at least £1 billion - substantially more than the £800 million in tax it would bring in.

Robert Halfon, the MP for Harlow and petrol campaigner, believes the rise due for January next year will cost families £60 a year in petrol costs alone.

But it will also inflict wider, damaging effects on the whole economy, according to the new report from the National Institute of Economic and Social Research (NIESR).

The NIESR economists found there would be a drop in household spending, leading to lower national income and around 35,000 job losses.

The cost to the economy could reach as much as £2 billion and cause 50,000 job losses, if the additional pressure on inflation causes the Bank of England to raise interest rates.

 

No scare mongering there then...

 

And regarding the second worst thing to visiting the dentist

The MoT rules have changed for 2012, with the Department for Transport adding in new tests and standards to reflect more modern cars.

From 1 January 2012, new technologies such as Electronic Stability Control are being tested, rules on lighting have been updated to reflect new features, and even tests to check exhausts have been brought up to date.

The new MoT rules also help the UK meet new European legislation that’s aimed at standardising vehicle testing rules across the EU.

To help motorists get up to speed with the new rules, the first three months of 2012 will see new failure points marked as advisories only. After this, however, any compliance issues with the new test rules will result in a failure.

 

Click on the link over the pic to see them all...

 

Allegedly the EU has decided that Newmarket sausages should be protected

 

Sausages made in Suffolk have been granted a special status which puts them alongside the likes of Parma Ham, Champagne and Melton Mowbray pork pies.

Newmarket Sausages have become the 50th British food product to be awarded the Protected Geographical Indication (PGI) from the European Commission.

It means only local companies can call their produce Newmarket sausages.

Grant Powter, from Powters Sausages, said it would protect the "reputation and quality" of the sausages.

 

Worth every penny of the tens of billions we pour into what is left of the bits over the channel.

 

Dahn Unda

Queensland’s peak motoring body has condemned moves to outsource speed camera operations as a "shameless grab for cash at the expense of driver safety".

The Courier-Mail revealed extra speed cameras would be rolled out across Queensland and operated by civilians instead of police in State Government changes aimed at cutting costs and boosting revenue.

RACQ Executive General Manager Advocacy Paul Turner said the State Government had lost sight of the purpose of the cameras.

"The Queensland Police manage speed cameras as a way to improve road safety and outsourcing their operation to a private company can only mean that profit is the number one priority,'' Mr Turner said.

 

It seems that ripping orf drivers is a world-wide phenonmen, phinominum......thing...

 

Back in the Costa dear part of Europe

Spanish shepherds led a flock of more than 2,000 sheep through central Madrid on Sunday in defence of ancient grazing, migration and droving rights threatened by urban sprawl and modern agricultural practices.

The right to use droving routes that wind across land that was open fields and woodland before Madrid grew from a rural hamlet to the great metropolis it is today has existed since at least 1273.

Every year, a handful of shepherds defend the right and, following an age-old tradition, on Sunday paid 25 maravedis - coins first minted in the 11th century - to city hall to use the crossing.

Shepherds have a right to use 78,000 miles (125,000 kilometres) of paths for seasonal livestock migrations from cool highland pastures in summer to warmer and more protected lowland grazing in winter.

The movement is called transhumance and in Spain up until recently involved close to a million animals a year, mostly sheep and cattle.

Not quite so baamy then...

 And finally: 

 

A pic to wind up those who are not of the brunette or redheaded variety

 

That’s it: I’m orf to check out the microscopic

 

And today’s thought:

Highway Code

 

 

Angus

Redefining poverty: another Piss Poor “Minister”: Aussie Olympics: Laptop loon: Surstromming is a gas: and Millions of Virgin Hermit crabs.

More than enough solar stuff, not enough lack of cold stuff, too much lack of wet stuff and a dearth of windy stuff at the Castle this morn.

The windows are in need of a clean, the Honda is in need of a polish and his Maj is in need of a door mat to wipe his paws on.

 

Apparently the Irritable Bowel Twins have decided that poverty is nothing to do with the amount of money in our pockets

According to the knob at the top of the Dept for Witless Pillocks a “fixation” with giving the poor money to lift them out of poverty is doing nothing to make them take responsibility for their lives.

Unless people’s lifestyles are transformed, they will almost inevitably slip back into poverty, he will say.

And he is calling for the definition of poverty, which is based on a family’s income, to be torn up and replaced with one that takes into account their wider circumstances.

For the first time, factors such as family breakdown and unemployment are expected to be recognised when deciding whether someone is genuinely living in poverty.

And while income is important in determining who is genuinely in need, if it is taken on its own it can distort the picture, he will say in a speech to the Joseph Rowntree Foundation, the social research group.

 

They still don’t get it do they... He married Elizabeth "Betsy" Fremantle, daughter of the 5th Baron Cottesloe, in 1982. The couple has four children. His wealth is estimated at £1 million much of which has been earned by working as a high end after dinner speaker.

 

Up in the leaning tower of Westminster

Chloe Smith, the Conservative minister who shot to public prominence for her disastrous attempt to defend George Osborne's petrol duty U-turn on Newsnight, has been appointed minister responsible for lobbying.

She was moved from the Treasury to the Cabinet Office in the recent reshuffle, and yesterday it was announced that she will be taking responsibility for overseeing the Government's preparation of a statutory lobbying register.

According to The PRCA, the professional body that represents UK PR consultancies Smith has joined the Cabinet Office from the Treasury, where she was best known for her poor performance when interviewed by Newsnight's Jeremy Paxman".

 

No change there then...

 

Dahn Unda

In the spirit of the London Olympics, Australia has hosted its own "Outback Games" with events including 'camel' equestrian, 'waterhole' swimming and a flip-flop marathon.

Contenders in the Northern Territory joked that they did Bikram yoga to acclimatise to the extreme temperature and ate garlic to ward off crocodiles.

The event showcased unique home grown sports including sandbar soccer -- football played on an uneven patch of beach -- and 'camel' equestrian involving hobby horses.

"The swimming one requires us swimming with the crocodiles in the waterhole," joked competitor Alison Coulthurst, referring to the fake, inflatable reptiles racers wrangled in the swimming pool.

"We're adopting the Northern Territory approach that, if you lose or you're feeling bad, you just sit back," said competitor Ben Crank.

"Relax and have a beer and it all kind of washes away. It's a great mentality to have as an athlete. If you don't win, don't worry, relax, have a beer. It's all good."

 

What a corker-and it didn’t cost £9 billion...

 

West to the home of Silicon Valley and the land of laptops

Police in Vermont said a man became stuck on some rock ledges after dropping his computer about 100 feet and attempting to retrieve it.

Colchester police said Randy Lamore, 42, of Winooski dropped his computer while walking along the railroad tracks near the Gorge Road power dam and the device landed about 100 feet down on the bank of the Winooski River, WCAX-TV, Burlington, reported Tuesday.

Police said Lamore, who had been drinking, attempted to climb down to retrieve his computer, but became stuck on ledges in thick underbrush.

The man called 911 on his cell phone and it took about half an hour for rescuers to find him and an hour to execute the rescue.

Police said Lamore was not injured.

Unlike his laptop...

 

East to the place where a syndrome started

Emergency services rushed to a suburb of Stockholm after reports of a gas leak - only to find a bucket of fermented herring.

Two fire engines, two police cars and an emergency gas leak team all rushed to investigate the reports in Sodermalm, reports The Local.

They had been alerted by concerned neighbours who thought they smelled gas in the stairwell, but it turned out to be something less dangerous.

The strong smell came from fermented herring, or surstromming, a notoriously foul-smelling Swedish delicacy traditionally served at autumn parties.

 

Red herring?

 

And finally:

 

Over to the Island where there probably aren’t many

 

Millions and millions of hermit crabs decided to take a walk at Nanny Point near Concordia on one of the Virgin Islands.

 

Need a lot of lemon garlic butter for that lot...

 

That’s it: I’m orf to watch a black hole having lunch

 

And today’s thought:

Paint your wagon.

 

Angus

Tory regret: Welfare to fraud: Another daft old fart: Exploding cows: Big Crab: and Playing Possum Dahn Unda.

I think we have now reached the fortieth day (and night) of falling skywater at the Castle this morn, his Maj doesn’t seem to mind and comes in every half hour or so to curl up on my lap for ten minutes to dry out and despite generous amounts of H2o we still have a hosepipe ban.

There was the expected drubbing for the Piss Poor Policies Millionaires Club Coalition at the “local” elections, I don’t think it was ‘midterm blues’ but the very few members of the populace that could actually be bothered to make their mark telling all politicians that we don’t trust them and no matter who is in power they are all the same.

And talking of one of the Piss Poor Policies Millionaires Club Coalition

Son of a B.....aronet and alien reptile in disguise George (the quail I have just had for lunch has a bigger IQ than me) Osborne reckons that mistakes in handling the Budget may have added to the Government’s problems.

And that the so-called ‘granny tax’, ‘pasty tax’, and ‘charity tax’ and cutting the 50p top tax rate overshadowed his moves to take less tax from the low-paid.

Writing in today’s flailing sail on Sunday, he says: ‘The way the Budget was presented meant this message wasn’t heard. I take responsibility for that.’

But despite this and the big Conservative losses on Thursday, he would not abandon the Coalition’s tough austerity programme.

However he does “understand the voters' pain”....

Oh no he fucking doesn’t, he doesn’t have to worry about paying the heating, Leccy, water, go juice and food bills or the rip orf mortgage rates because WE pay them all for him and if he needs anything else he can claim it on expenses or as a last resort dip into one of his bank accounts for some of his millions-arrogant bastard.....

And while unemployment creeps toward the ten percent mark

Allegedly Welfare-to-work providers are facing fraud checks after investigations into wrongdoing.

One in five investigations into alleged fraud at welfare-to-work providers over the past six years had "evidence of false representation" – such as forging client signatures to claim fees – with 10 cases referred to the police, the Piss Poor Policies Millionaires Club Coalition has revealed for the first time.

The figures help to uncover the full extent of misconduct in the industry and suggest wrongdoing could go beyond crisis-hit A4e, which is in the middle of a police investigation into alleged fraud.

A further 17% of 126 cases investigated by authorities since 2006 had "evidence of procedural non-compliance", the Department for Work and Pensions (DWP) disclosed in an answer to a written parliamentary question.

In total, 24 cases were found to have involved false representation and 22 had procedural non-compliance meaning almost 40pc of the 126 cases investigated had evidence of wrongdoing.  

The Dept of Witless Pillocks couldn’t organise a lazy lob in a brothel....

North of the border and North a bit more

It seems that Angus isn’t the only daft old fart about, John Macdonald, from Eriskay in the Outer Hebrides, celebrated his 80th birthday at the weekend by throwing himself 40 metres off Garry Bridge in Perthshire.

Mr Macdonald said: “I wasn’t afraid at all. I just wished I could have had a swim in the River Garry as well.

I have had diabetes for 48 years and, when I was lying in hospital in Rio in 1964, I reckoned I would be very lucky to live past the age of 60.

“To do this then was special and I hope this gives younger ones who have diabetes something to encourage them a bit: an old guy like me managing to do a bungee jump.

 

Nice one, I hope he had plenty of Fixodent in place.....

Left a lot to one of the high bits

The US Forest Service is considering explosives to move a bunch of frozen cows that died after getting stuck inside a cabin at 11,000 feet in Colorado’s Rocky Mountains.

The Aspen Daily News reported that agency officials are worried about the high fire danger and are looking at other solutions such as using helicopters or trucks.

The carcasses were discovered by two Air Force Academy cadets when they snow-shoed up to the cabin in late March. Officials believe the animals sought shelter during a snowstorm and got stuck.

The cabin is located near the Conundrum Hot Springs, a hiking area near Aspen in the Maroon Bells-Snowmass Wilderness area.

Or...they could use chainsaws and get the barby out.....

Dahn Unda and dahn a bit more

Claude the Tasmanian giant crab was saved from death when the fisherman who caught him sold him to a British aquarium for £3,000.

Now, after a 29-hour plane journey from Australia – where giant crab meat is a delicacy – and two weeks in quarantine, Claude is ready to meet his public.

He is the biggest crab on display in the UK and weighs a mighty 15lb with a 15-inch shell – enough to make 160 crab cakes.

Claude is 100 times bigger than a standard UK shore crab. Yet he is still a juvenile and will grow to double his weight.

Claude was caught off the coast of Tasmania last month, but was sold to the Sea Life group along with two other Tasmanian giant crabs.

He will go on display at the Sea Life centre in Weymouth, Dorset, on Thursday, and his two companions will be moved to other centres in Birmingham and Berlin if Claude responds well to his new home.

Currently he is being kept on his own in a specially made cylindrical tank, ten feet tall and six feet wide, but the aquarium will introduce some coldwater fish once he is settled.

Despite being saved from the pot he doesn’t look very happy-a bit “crabby”?

 

And finally:

Up a whimsy to “proper” Dahn Unda

Staff at a Dunedin park has voiced concerns about a drinking game called "possum," where players sit in trees and drink alcohol until they fall down from drunkenness, the Otago Daily Times reported.

Dunedin City Council spokesman Alan Matchett told the newspaper that local students started playing "possum" at the city's botanic gardens roughly four years ago, but the game has since gained popularity and it was not uncommon for garden staff to have to chase people away.

The gardens are located close to the University of Otago, a school with more than 20,000 students.

A university spokesman confirmed that university security staff had assisted the local council in keeping an eye on drunken students.

"There have been two occasions earlier this year where students have been located by Campus Watch [staff] in trees, drinking and causing a public nuisance in the Botanic Garden," the spokesman told the Daily Times.

"Because Campus Watch was involved in both cases, the students were required to clean up their litter and to meet with the proctor for disciplinary action."

For a proctology exam to see what happened to their brains....

 

That’s it: I’m orf to see if there are any Chicken Frogs in the moat.

And today’s thought:

The latest Coalition giveaway.

Angus