Later lack of care: Forkin Numpty: Second hand avoidance: Where did you get that hat: Pot for the Potty and Riccing:.

Definite lack of warm, indefinite amounts of skywater, a whimsy of atmospheric movement and sod all solar stuff at the Castle this morn, the wet stuff is that nasty fine drizzly thingy that gets into all your nooks and grannies, but I did catch a snatch of Dawn's crack yestermorn.

The itches have finally gorn, the diabetes thingy is well under control and his Maj has discovered the joy of waiting for me to wash the kitchen floor and then dashing in through his "smart" cat flap and leaving muddy paw prints all over the place.

Been in the garden most of the week, putting up fences, concreting in posts, repairing the back gate, moving stepping stones and having a general fettle.

Also been watching the Ice Cold Olympics, really nice to see a load of young maniacs going about their business and enjoying it.

 

Over to the East

The Ukraine thingy is still dragging on and has been the "most important story" according to the BEEB and the rest of the media, lovely, really don't give a Porpoise's plums, have a think about Northern Ireland, Afghanistan and Iraq; what interests me more is:-

 

Up Norf

The case of a diabetic patient who died at Stafford Hospital has "wider implications" that mean a judge needs "time to reflect" before sentencing the NHS Trust, a court has been told.

Gillian Astbury, 66, lapsed into a coma after nurses failed to give her insulin and died at the hospital in April 2007.

Mid Staffordshire NHS Foundation Trust admitted health and safety breaches.

Mr Justice Haddon-Cave told Stafford Crown Court he would reserve sentencing of the trust to a later date.

An inquest in 2010 ruled there had been a failure to provide basic care.

 

Bollocks, this has been going on far too long, let's see a few "managers/CEO's" slapped in prison for corporate manslaughter...

 

Left a lot to the place where James Tiberius Kirk comes from

When a vending machine refused to give Robert McKevitt from Iowa in the USA his choccy bar, he decided to attack it with an 8,000lb (3,628kg) forklift.

Apparently the Forkin Numpty was overjoyed when two extra bars dropped into the tray but his joy was short-lived after he was eventually fired for inappropriate use of the company' property.

'That machine was trouble,' the 27-year-old said.

'They fired me, and now I hear they have all new vending machines there.'

 

Life's a Twix.....

 

Back in Blighty

Allegedly Chris Moyles claimed to be second-hand car dealer to avoid tax on £1 million, Moyles, 40, was one of the BBC’s highest-paid stars as the presenter of Radio 1’s Breakfast Show when he joined the scheme run by NT Advisers, whose initials stand for “no tax”, in 2007.

He filed a self-assessment tax return that claimed he had “engaged in self-employment as a used car trader” during the year to April 2008.

The broadcaster said finance charges he had incurred through his involvement in the second-hand vehicle business meant he suffered a loss of more than £1 million, which he sought to set against his other tax liabilities.

The top rate of income tax at the time was 40 per cent, meaning he could have avoided paying £400,000.

After investigating his case, HMRC rejected the loss claim, leading the former BBC star to launch an appeal before a tax tribunal along with two other wealthy men who had also used the Working Wheels scheme.

Moyles did not give evidence to the tribunal but submitted "a very brief and rather uninformative” witness statement that made it clear he had entered the scheme “for no purpose other than to achieve a tax saving”, Judge Colin Bishopp said.

 

Oh dear; what a shame.......NOT....

 

The future of Millinery?

 

Or not....

 

Back over to the left a lot

Cannabis and cookies is turning out to be a winning recipe for some enterprising Girl Scouts.

Lexi Carney, 8, set up shop outside the TruMed medical marijuana dispensary in Phoenix Saturday, where a day earlier she sold 76 boxes of the popular cookies in just a couple of hours, Arizona's 3TV reported.

Lei's mother, like Carney's, accompanied her child, and told the East Bay Express she feels it's perfectly safe.

"There's always a security guard and cameras everywhere," she said.

Neither of the girls' scout troops commented officially on their business ventures, but in Colorado, where recreational marijuana is legal, the Girl Scouts posted a statement on their Face book page condemning the practice of selling outside any "adult-oriented business."

 

Oh well, that's alright then...

 

And finally:

 

Somewhere in a fridge/oven/box

Back in November 2013, Christina Ricci decided to put her entire body in her fridge. She shared the picture via Twitter, and in the blink of an eye started an Internet phenomenon called "riccing." People pose for pictures while squeezed into a confined space, such as the inside of a cupboard, oven or refrigerator.

 

 

I'd  be happy just to find some food in my fridge...

 

That's it: I'm orf to Sue the EU for bad weather and other stuff

 

And today's thought:

Be afraid, be very afraid.

 

 

Angus

Travelling treat: Strait Britannia: Potty old farts: Pregnant perv: Fat compo: and the Plop up restaurant.

Warmish, calmish and darkish at the Castle this morn, the furnace is nicely stocked with fat teenagers, the study is nicely stocked with duff differential do-dahs, and his Maj has discovered the joy of sitting on the bird nesting box-just in case, still it keeps him orf the streets.

The falling down and lying in vomit thing is much better this day, that’ll teach you.

Remember Dale Farm?

Well the Piss Poor Policies Millionaires Club Coalition has come up with a way to spend £47 million of our squids to “prevent” the problem occurring again.

Moves to create some 800 permanent sites across England for Traveller families will be announced today in an effort to defuse community tensions with settled residents.

Under the £47m initiative, new locations will be found from Cornwall to Co Durham for Travellers, preventing them from having to put their caravans on unauthorised land.

There are believed to be nearly 19,000 Traveller caravans in England, about 20 per cent of them on unauthorised sites. The award of cash to local authorities and housing associations is combined with stronger powers for councils to remove illegal sites and to stop people applying retrospectively for planning permission.

The money will be used to provide 884 pitches, of which 617 will be new and 167 will be refurbished. A further £13m is being set aside to develop further pitches. Ministers say that with previous planning laws Whitehall told councils how many sites to allocate to Travellers – a top-down approach that forced some councils to encroach on the Green Belt.

Andrew Stunell, the Communities minister, told The Independent: "If there are enough authorised and approved sites for the Traveller population, there is no need for an unauthorised or illegal settlement."

Yeah right... 

And:

Philip Hammond, the defence secretary

Told delegates in Washington DC yesterday that Britain will not tolerate an enforced closure of the 34-mile Strait of Hormuz, where 20 per cent of the world's oil passes through.

Tehran threatened to cut off the waterway this month in response to US and EU sanctions against the regime's suspected nuclear weapons programme.

Mr Hammond warned Iran of Britain's "determination" to keep the Strait open in a speech at the Atlantic Council.

Ooh scary.....

And apparently:

A “new” study

Has found that past or present drug use doesn't seem to damage middle-aged brains, British researchers studied the mental sharpness of thousands of 50-year-old subjects, and found that those who had used illicit drugs—mainly marijuana—actually performed better than others on tests of memory and other brain functions, Reuters reports. Around a quarter of test subjects said they had taken drugs at some point in their lives; 6% were still using drugs in their '40s.

The middle-aged tokers may have scored higher than others because the drug users tended to have a higher education level than non-users, the researchers say. "The results seem to suggest that past or even current illicit drug use is not necessarily associated with impaired cognitive functioning in early middle age," the lead researcher says. "However, our results do not exclude possible harmful effects in some individuals who may be heavily exposed to drugs over longer periods of time."

Smokin.....it’s done me no harm-and I never even inhaled.....

Over in O......klahoma

Police in Oklahoma City say a man was jailed for exposing himself to an employee at a maternity store where he was trying on clothing.

Authorities say 48-year-old Jeffrey Don Watson of Norman was booked Wednesday on a complaint of indecent exposure and was freed on $2,000 bail.

Police records allege Watson was trying on bras and dresses at the store at the Penn Square Mall on Dec. 27 when he asked the store's female manager for assistance in the dressing room.

The Oklahoman reports the manager told police that when she entered the dressing room Watson exposed himself to her.

Police say Watson has been arrested several times before on lewdness complaints.

www.confused.numpty

And still in the land of slightly overweight and the home of the law suit

A morbidly obese man who fell through his lounge room floor sued the Department of Housing and claimed discrimination on the grounds the property was unable to support his 250kg frame.

Wayne Douglas told the Human Rights Commission that the department, which had allocated him a four-bedroom home in Macquarie Fields, had failed to provide him with a home suitable for his weight.

The commission terminated the case, so Mr Douglas went to the Federal Magistrates Court which heard evidence that the assigned home had termite damage and, when a carer moved some furniture so Mr Douglas could sweep the floor, he fell through to the ground below in November 2006.

Mr Douglas did not pay rent to live in the home - which the department had considered suitable due to it having a large shower recess - for almost six months.

Last night Mr Douglas said he suffered severe leg injuries in the incident, which led to blood clots, and he was still suffering as a result of the fall.

The court found Mr Douglas was free to refuse the property and apply for alternative residential tenancies.

It also found Mr Douglas had imposed conditions on where he lived, having asked the department to find him a home in the Macquarie Fields area. His case was dismissed and costs would be considered, court documents showed.

"They gave me a house that was termite-ridden, I went through the floor," Mr Douglas said.

"You might remember me, I was on Today Tonight they said I was too fat to be a dad.

"I am still in the house, it is still shit."

Wanker....

And finally:

East is east

A new eatery called 'The S***house' dishes up its oriental delicacies served in replica toilets and bedpans.

The critics might pan it, but one restaurant in the Chinese capital Beijing has got food fans going potty for it.

The plop-up restaurant has queues around the block as punters prove that it's more than just a flush in the pan.

Co-owner Feng Lu said: 'We had the idea when we were discussing one of the worst restaurants we'd ever eaten in and one of us said it had been a real toilet. So we decided to see if we could make a restaurant that was just one big toilet.

"We can't quite believe how successful it's been. Now we're talking about opening a chain," added Feng.

Shouldn’t that be “pulling a chain”?


That’s it: I’m orf to try some herbal baccy

And today’s thought man:

Angus

Oh dear-what a shame: Just in case: Half a Navy: Norfolk alligators: Empty tank: Potty superstore: and How to catch a Tiger.

‘Tis much cooler at the Castle this morn, a bit of cloud, a bit of breeze and comfy, the kitchen is empty of laptops, desktops and mop tops, the butler is on a few days holiday and his majesty has discovered the joy of badly timed jumping across huge distances and attacking ankles.

I see that “new” MPs are whingeing on about ‘long hours and workloads’

Apparently they are finding the combination of long hours and a heavy workload a struggle, and worry the job is harming their family lives, research suggests.

A survey by the Hansard Society of the 227 MPs elected for the first time in 2010 suggest the new intake are working an average of 69 hours a week. 

Tough shit: Be careful what you wish for….

Next year the Olympics could be given a bit of help

Johan Huibers, an eccentric Dutch Christian, has spent around £1 million building the "Ark" after dreaming about a great flood sweeping Holland. He saw the dream as a signal to spread God's message.

The vessel is 450ft long and 75ft wide and will be stuffed with pairs of model animals, while an aviary with free-flying live birds will take up most of the enormous deck house.

Mr Huibers, 60, who is married, found the inspiration for the project 20 years ago but only started construction on the river at Dordrecht, near Rotterdam, three years ago, against the advice of his wife.

Twenty-five barges held together by a steel frame form the base of the ship, which also holds two conference rooms capable of hosting 1,500 people.

The timbers are Swedish pine, a choice Mr Huibers made because Noah, the Biblical Ark's captain, was told by God to use "resin wood".

Mr Huibers recently wrote to Boris Johnson, the Mayor of London, to ask for permission to bring his Ark to London for the Olympic Games next summer and moor it in the capital. 

Boris was heard to say “Err, um, harrumph, well…”

 Now that we only have half a Navy

Britain and France are set to share an aircraft carrier as part of plans for far closer integration between the two navies, the head of France’s fleet has said in an interview with The Daily Telegraph.

Admiral Pierre-Francois Forissier also disclosed that the French navy was amazed by the swath of cuts last year that severely reduced the Royal Navy with the axing of aircraft carriers and Harrier jump jets alongside warships.

“From a French standpoint, I have to say that we were really stunned because the Royal Navy has always been a model for us and it is now faced with a very difficult situation,” he said. 

Join the club admiral.

Up in the bit above Suffolk

Police are investigating reports of two alligators being spotted at a holiday park lake - in Norfolk.

A visitor claimed he saw the reptiles on the surface of the water, reports The Sun.

Worried holidaymakers and fishermen are now keeping watch for the pair at 60-acre Waveney Valley Lakes in Wortwell.

Park manager Dave Potter, 58, said: "It has caused quite a stir. We have 90 plots for caravans and lodges, so there are a lot of people here. The police had a good look around but didn't find anything."

Norfolk Police said a member of the public reported the alleged sighting. It added: "One of our officers visited the owners of the venue to make them aware of the claim."

No one knows how the creatures may have got there. Alligator expert Dr Laura Brandt said: "It is possible they have been released or have found their way to the water." 

Have they still got water up there?-lucky buggers...

Across to Manchester

A pair of petrol thieves handed police a vital clue after their own car ran out of fuel.

The men suspected of stealing almost £1,000 worth of petrol in a spate of station drive-offs, were caught on CCTV pushing a Volkswagen Golf into a forecourt.

After filling up their tank, the pair once again drove off without paying.

Pc Pete Baldwin, of Longsight and Ardwick neighbourhood policing team, said: "This is the kind of thing you see on television and it is ironic that the two men appear to run out of petrol after we believe they have stolen hundreds of pounds worth of fuel.

"The images may be amusing to people but I can assure you the offence is serious and we are determined to catch the offenders. I would urge anyone who saw these men or any of the vehicles to contact us."

As fuel prices soar, petrol thefts are thought to be an increasing headache for police. GMP believes the two men are responsible for up to seven separate petrol station drive-offs from forecourts in West Didsbury, Hulme, Withington, Bolton, Denton and Stockport.

The CCTV image shows a black Volkswagen Golf with stolen registration plates about to drive onto the forecourt of Tesco Express in Ardwick Green just after 7pm on May 5.

The vehicle then appeared to run out of petrol as the driver and passenger got out of the car and pushed it towards the petrol pump. The main offender is described as an Asian man, in his early 20s, of slim build and 5ft 10ins. Anyone with information should contact police on 0161 872 5050 or Crimestoppers on 0800 555 111. 

Should have stolen a diesel.

 Left a lot to the shaky bit of the States

California-based company weGrow is hoping to capitalise on the state's new medical marijuana law, which allows people to apply to use the drug to treat medical conditions including cancer, glaucoma and Alzheimer's disease.

While the store does not sell the plant itself, it sells around 2,000 products and services 'for people to safely and responsibly cultivate their medicine', according to weGrow founder Dhar Mann.

Products sold at the store include soil, grow lights, irrigation trays and nutrients to help aid the growth of cannabis plants.

The 21,000 square foot store also has an on-site doctor to give patients medical approval to apply for cards authorising them to grow and use marijuana legally.

Arizona is the 16th US state to decriminalise marijuana for medical purposes, although the cultivation, sale and distribution of cannabis still remains a federal crime.

The law is a weed.

 And finally:

East many miles and then some

Chengdu zoo in China has been rehearsing a tiger escape using a man dressed in a furry costume.

The "Tiger" was hunted down with sticks, guns and, most bizarrely, brooms, before finally being cornered beneath some bushes.

Tigger was pinned down at gunpoint and carried off on a stretcher. 

Pooh….

 That’s it: I’m orf to interfere with light.

,
And today’s thought: With sufficient thrust, pigs fly just fine.


Angus