All piss and wind U-Turn Cam: Sixty per cent law: Moose has a swing: Tomato wine: No fun in the Big Apple: and an ‘ere-‘ere De-daw.

More than a lot of solar stuff, nary an iota of atmospheric movement and even less wet stuff at the Castle this morn, the liquid metal in the gauge has gorn all Olympic and is trying to reach the gold gong at the top of the tube and I managed to do some serious vandalism in the garden yester aftermorn and now I have another load for the “recycling centre”.

And the formatting thingy on blogger seems to have a mind of its own today.

And as Blighty slowly sinks into the economic sewer

Our fearless bleader has more important things on his mind than actually doing his fucking job because the noise from the beach volleyball is keeping him awake.

The Prime Monster reckons that 'It's all very amusing for five minutes until you try to get the children to sleep. They have Moves like Jagger every sort of ten minutes. There are particular DJs, who do particular things,'

Aaron Copeland's 1942 classic Fanfare for the Common Man is another favourite on the loop of songs being played at Horse Guards Parade, along with Maroon 5 and Christina Aguilera hit song Moves like Jagger an aide noted.

And Dave has had a pop at Michael Phelps and Ryan Lochte because they have been peeing in the Olympic swimming pool before their swims he weighed in saying: 'I was quite surprised by that. It is not OK to pee in the pool.'

Yeah right Knob Head; never had a slash in the swimming pool yourself-eh...

 

Dahn in the West-est County

About 40% of crimes reported to a police force in the most recent year were not investigated, figures reveal.

Of 91,532 incidents reported to Devon and Cornwall Police during the 2011/12 financial year, 36,575 were not investigated after initial assessment.

The Freedom of Information (FOI) figures showed that investigations shelved by officers included about 11,000 reports of criminal damage, 4,000 thefts from vehicles and 3,700 burglaries.

The rate was a rise from the previous year's figure of about 34% of some 86,000 cases not going forward.

The force said that all crimes reported to them "received an appropriate level of investigation".

The Police Federation claimed it showed that cuts were affecting policing and the force was failing crime victims.

Or maybe it’s because they can’t be bothered to get out of their comfortable BMWs and do what they are paid for.....

Left to the home of the “cell phone” and the land of big horny animals

Police were called when residents spotted a moose tangled in chains outside a home in Ogden, about 40 miles north of Salt Lake City in Utah.

Utah deputy Lane Findlay was told it would take at least an hour for wildlife officers to arrive, so tried to free the distressed and bleeding animal himself.

He handed his mobile phone to onlookers and asked them to video the scene, saying: "If something happens to me, give this to my wife."

Sgt Findlay eventually managed to free the struggling animal using a pair of bolt cutters.

The tangled swing fell to the ground and the moose trotted to a nearby bucket of water and began drinking, then collapsed from exhaustion.

Sgt Findlay spent an hour spraying down the animal with a hose before wildlife officers arrived to treat the animal.



What does he want-a bleedin medal....

Up a bit to the last pink bit on the map

Pascal Miche, a wine maker from Quebec, Canada, uses tomatoes to create an unusual yet increasingly popular vintage. His secret lies in a four-generations-old Belgian family recipe.

A former pork butcher, Pascal Miche moved from Belgium to Canada’s Quebec province, seven years ago and decided to go through with his idea of commercializing his grandfather’s precious wine, made according to an old recipe. He finally kick started his business in 2009, planted his “vineyard” and began making tomato wine.

For his Omerto wine, named after his grandfather, Omer, he uses subarctic, yellow and black cherry tomatoes, chosen for their bountiful yield and gustative properties.

According to sommeliers, Omerto tomato wine has a ”hint of fruit, zesty aspects, familiar in cakes… a bit honey-sweet, which could be very good with deserts and spicy foods,” and is often compared to a sweet Pineau des Charentes.

Who says there are no wine snobs....?

Dahn a fair way to the Big Apple

City officials pulled the plug on a vibrator giveaway by the Trojan condom company yesterday, disappointing potentially thousands of pleasure-seeking women who hoped to get their hands on some no-cost sex toys.

“I’m 57 years old. I should be able to get a vibrator!” declared Linda Postell, who was among hundreds of women (and men!) waiting in the heat on Pearl Street only to be left unsatisfied. “I have a problem with the smoking ban, and the soda ban — and now this!”

Trojan sent tingles of excitement across the city when it announced the giveaway of some 10,000 vibrating sex toys from hot-dog-style pushcarts.

Trojan began by handing out about 400 free vibrators without incident on Sixth Avenue in Rockefeller Centre between 11 a.m. and noon.

The giveaways were scheduled to start at 4 p.m. in the Flatiron District and near the South Street Seaport.

As carts arrived at each location, nearly 300 women and quite a number of guys queued up.

But instead of climaxing in a successful giveaway, the promotion was prematurely interrupted by City Hall, which sent a dark-suited representative to put the squeeze on Trojan’s “Pleasure Carts.”

The spoilsport, who declined to identify himself, told Trojan’s reps at the Flatiron location that they had to shut down because of the size of the crowd that had gathered.

Ah, the old too many people enjoying themselves ploy....

And finally:

East more than a lot of non Imperial units



 

A woman who checked into China's Changsha Central Hospital Wednesday (Aug. 8) with an itchy ear learned she had a small spider dwelling in her ear canal, according to news reports. It had crawled inside five days earlier while she slept.

At the hospital, pictures of the patient's ear canal revealed a stocky, hairy, four-eyed arachnid peering out at the camera, much to doctors' and the patient's surprise.

Amid concerns that disturbing the spider would cause it to "instinctively drill its barbs deeper, scratching the ear canal," local news sources reported that doctors succeeded in removing the creature by pouring saline solution into the ear canal and flushing it out.

As the spider's outstretched foot emerged from her ear, the patient, identified only as "Ms. Lee," reportedly "almost started crying

I’d have been running round the ceiling by then...

That’s it: I’m orf to buy a Meshworm 


And today’s thought:
Chase me-Olympics







Angus

Pay up-and up-and up....: Royal fail gets Bronze: Avez-vous le ‘ump: Signs of the w-anchor Dahn Unda: Dead Possums mean prizes: and you say banana or is it Boa?

A drop of solar stuff, not a sign of wet stuff and more than a bit of lack of cold stuff at the Castle this last of the summer wine morn.

Finally managed to drive dahn to the “recycling centre”, unloaded the Honda, made it back to the Castle and spent the rest of the day ‘resting’ on the four-poster watching some of the sporty thing up in the Smoke and catching up on some kip.

Just got back from the stale bread, gruel and his Maj’s food run dahn Tesco, his fave Whiskas meat in jelly has gorn up from three squids to three squids and 39p’s-robbing bastards...

All over excited Blighty

Allegedly the Student Loans Company (SLC) has taken a lesson from the Piss Poor Policies Millionaires Club Coalition math prowess and managed to take tens of millions of pounds extra from graduates.

Tens of thousands of people have been advised to apply for refunds from the Student Loans Company (SLC) after it emerged that the firm had collected an additional £36.5m from them in 2010-11 alone.

More than 63,000 former students carried on repaying from their salary, often for months, after they had paid off loans taken out to fund university education.

The average amount overpaid was £577, although several graduates claim they paid out several thousand pounds more than they owed.

And of course it is “someone else’s fault”.

According to the SLC the problem is caused because HMRC only tells it how much has been paid by each borrower once a year, usually a few weeks after the financial year ends in April. The time lag means graduates who settled their loans during the year may not have their direct payments stopped until several months later, when the SLC has received confirmation of how much they have paid.

Wankers....

And staying with the tosspot theme

The Royal Mail has promised to paint a post box in Olympic cycle champion Laura Trott's home town gold, after first painting one in the wrong place.

Trott, with cyclists Dani King and Joanna Rowsell, won a gold medal in the Olympic team pursuit contest.

The Royal Mail decided to paint a post box in Harlow, where Trott was born.

But after Trott tweeted that her hometown is Cheshunt, Herts, the firm said it would paint one there also. 

All the employees of the Royal Fail have to be able to do one thing-read, and they can’t even do that properly, still maybe things will improve once it becomes privatised....

Across the Channel and in the Smoke

It seems that Le French are not chuffed with Blighty’s doings at the big sporty thing.

France’s cycling chief, Isabelle Gautheron, said she is ‘perplexed’ by the dominance in the Velodrome by the likes of Victoria Pendleton and Sir Chris Hoy.

And journalists across the Channel have cast aspersions over what they might be ‘missing’ that has propelled British athletes to triumph.

Last week French president Françoise Hollande taunted Britain over his country’s early success before Team GB’s first gold, saying London had ‘rolled out a red carpet for French athletes to win medals’.

But after the tide turned, Ms Gautheron said of British cyclists: ‘They have not dominated the last four years – they were among the best teams with Australia, Germany and France. Here, they crush everyone. Girls, especially, are four seconds ahead in the pursuit.

Ouest France journalist Thierry Vautrat posted on Twitter: ‘Ennis? She’s a bit unreal. Wonder how she could win the 800m so easily, with no pain. Surprising.’

 

Oh dear what a shame-Na-na-na-na-na....

Dahn Unda

Three giant billboards used in a road safety campaign have apparently caused offence, informing Australian motorists 'not to drive like a knob/ w-anchor or a cock'.

The signs, placed prominently on a motorway running between South Australia and Victoria, have attracted a host of complaints from residents.

It prompted independent MP Bob Such to write a letter to road safety minister Jennifer Rankine, on behalf of his constituency, calling for their removal.

However the removal demand has been rejected by South Australia officials, with Ms Rankine arguing that the results of the campaign 'vastly outweigh it being labelled as irresponsible'.

The campaign has shown encouraging results, with a reported reduction in drink driving, speeding and seatbelt non-compliance.

Apart from the wankers, knobs and cocks of course....

Still Dahn Unda and right a bit

Kids at the Uruti School in New Zealand hosted an annual fundraising pig hunt which is a bit odd, but as part of the pig hunt festivities students participated in a contest that involved dressing dead possums in bizarre costumes -- including, a boxing possum, an artist possum, and a dead-possum bride.

While New Zealand’s Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals were not amused, the school raised over $8,000 -- twice what it had hoped to bring in. 

And the Barby went down like a dead possum….

And finally: 

Back in sporty Blighty

A woman was left shocked when she discovered that what she thought was a banana in her bathroom was actually a 4ft long boa constrictor.

Stacey Way, 28, was cleaning the bathroom floor when she noticed a yellow object next to the water pipe.

She assumed it was a banana her toddler had shoved down the side, and went to fetch her gloves to pick it up, but forgot about it.

A few days later she was bathing her two daughters and wiped the floor again when she suddenly saw the object move.

On closer inspection, she realised that the 'banana' actually had a mouth - and that it was a snake.

She went to a nearby reptile centre to ask for help but they were forced to call the RSPCA, who told them the floorboards would need to be removed to rescue the beast.

But as the property was rented, the officer advised her to leave a tub full of water on the bathroom floor to entice the snake out.

When Stacey checked a few hours later the creature had fully emerged and the reptile centre were able to collect it from her home in Parkstone, Dorset.

Banana; Boa close…..

That’s it: I’m orf to have a look at virtual reality

And today’s thought:

It’s OK your prostate’s fine Olympics

Angus

Electronic orgy: Olympic fuel fools: Le Sauveur: the Bug gun: Hot footed Numptys: and the Olympic UFO.

A touch of lack of heat, a smidge of damp stuff and not a jot of atmospheric movement at the Castle this morn, still have oodles of hot water, his Maj is bored with the wevver and I seem to have been invaded by yellow flowered Triffids which I didn’t plant.

Somewhere in the interweb thingy

Infineon Technologies' Lim Saw Sing discovered a colony of microscopic nudists having an orgy on the surface of an integrated circuit.

Which turned out to be the polyimide surface itself after being exposed to etching by reactive ions.

 I knew that....

 

Back in the Smoky Olympics-sort of

Hydrogen-fuelled taxis, introduced in London for the Olympic Games, are being transported on a 130-mile round trip to Swindon to refuel.

The fleet of three low-emission cabs was introduced to ferry VIPs and officials during the Games.

But the hydrogen fuelling station, at Lea Interchange near the Olympic Park, has had to close for security reasons.

The consortium HYTEC, which provided the taxis, said a new station was expected to open at Heathrow soon.

In the meantime, the taxis are loaded on a transporter to make the trip to the nearest filling station at car manufacturer Honda's plant in Swindon.

What a gas...

 

Over the Channel or through the Chunnel

Francois Hollande, the French president, was the latest to pledge eurozone leaders would do “everything possible” to save the euro today following a meeting with Mario Monti, the Italian prime minister.

Mr Hollande said significant progress had been made over recent weeks, adding: “We cannot allow ourselves one minute of inattention. We recalled our commitment... that the eurozone be defended, preserved and consolidated.” 

I do like an optimist...

Over the big salty thing on the left

Alexandra Gunn has "invented" the newest way to kill pesky house flies.

Personally I prefer a rolled up newspaper, or an elastic band....

East to what used to be the “enemy”

A fire walking seminar in Moscow region’s city of Khimki ended in burns for most participants, an online tabloid reported on Monday.

Eighteen of 30 women who partook in the seminar had to seek medical help after walking some five meters over glowing coals in a bid to “strengthen their spirit,” Lifenews.ru said.

No case was opened because none of the victims required hospitalization, local police was cited as saying.

None of the victims sued for compensation, and at least one of them said she wants to repeat the experience, the tabloid said.

 

Oh dear......I do love a Numpty or thirty....

Back in alien London

Apparently while many, many people “watched” the ‘O limp dicks’ (thanks Bernard) opening cermony a clearly seen unidentified flying object was videotaped making its way over London’s Olympic stadium, reports Examiner.com.

The disc-shaped object is first seen entering the upper left portion of the video as the fireworks erupt over the stadium. The UFO — which appears to have a dome or bulge rising from its centre — moves slowly across the sky as if deliberately observing the light-show spectacle below it.

 

That’s it: I’m orf to Barclays for some loot

And today’s thought:

Olympic security

Angus

Olympic guide for foreigners: Arizona Yo-Yo: Big Rocket: Pig out in the Big Apple: Ne sois pas si grossier: and Crimbo arrives at Harrods.

A nice high layer of white fluffy stuff over the Castle this morn, the lack of cold seems to have left by the rear exit and I will be able to sit in garden without the big yellow thing melting my face.

The furnace is now performing as expected; the Nork who “serviced” it forgot to tighten up the ‘test’ screw thingy and also forgot to turn the gas back on, no wonder Blighty is in such a bleedin mess...

I see that LOCOG has taken over Auntie as apparently the only “news” occurring in the world is the two week traffic jam known as the Olympics.

It is now 12 mins past eight of the am and my tinnitus has suddenly got a lot worse.

And the interweb thingy is still working to rule...

 

And talking of that thingy which will apparently start this eve

The BEEB has issued a 2012 Olympic 12-part guide to the UK in 212 words each for those from other countries who are rich enough to attend.

 Click on the link over the pic to read it as I can’t be arsed....

Left to the up and dahn land

A 17-year-old Arizona boy who is the 12th ranked yo-yo performer in the nation said he is gearing up for next month's 2012 World Yo-Yo Contest.

Tyler Goldenberg of Phoenix said he came in 70th at last year's event in Orlando, Fla., and is hoping to place in the Top 50 of the 300-some competitors at the Aug. 2-4 competition this year, The Arizona Republic, Phoenix, reported Thursday.

Goldenberg said he has been practicing his minute-long routine 10 or 20 times per day during the past two months. He said he is proficient with performance, choreography and originality, but his speed has room for improvement.

The teenager said he is also looking forward to what follows the competition.

"The rest of the time it's just a five-day party with my friends from all over the world," he said.

I think the last sentence sums up the real reason....

 

Still in the land of oversized things

NASA's next-generation rocket, a really, really big booster expected to launch astronauts deeper into space than ever before, has passed a major design milestone, space agency officials announced Wednesday (July 25).

The new mega-rocket, called the Space Launch System, passed a series of reviews that laid out the technical, performance, cost and schedule requirements for the heavy-lift booster. The completion of the so-called System Requirements Review and System Definition Review allows program managers to proceed into the rocket's preliminary design phase, NASA officials said.

Apparently "This new heavy-lift launch vehicle will make it possible for explorers to reach beyond our current limits, to nearby asteroids, Mars and its moons, and to destinations even farther across our solar system," William Gerstenmaier, associate administrator for the Human Exploration and Operations Mission Directorate at NASA Headquarters in Washington, D.C., said in a statement.

The SLS rocket will be able to launch at least 70 metric tons of material into space at first, but the agency is hoping to evolve the booster to reach a launch capacity of 130 metric tons in subsequent upgrades. The first test flight of the SLS is scheduled to occur in 2017.

Oh joy, just what we need-hundreds more Tonnes of metal floating above our heads.....

Up more than a whimsy to the Big Apple

The corpse of a mystery animal which washed up on the shore of New York's East River has sparked a wave of conspiracy theories with online debates asking whether it is the carcass of a dog, a pig or an altogether more sinister creature.

The apparent 'monster' was found and pictured by an amateur photographer who was walking under the Brooklyn Bridge in Manhattan on Sunday.

The lady who captured the images, Denise Ginley said: "We were horrified by it and we took some camera phone pictures and then finally we decided to come back with my camera and I got up the courage to climb over the fence and get closer to it."

On first glance it appears that the animal is simply a bloated pig – a theory the New York Parks Department insist is correct – but closer inspection reveals that the animal appears to have toes rather than hooves.

Online theorists speculated it may be a dog or, even more worrying, a giant rat. Other online comments suggest it could be an aardvark, a raccoon or something related to a possum.

One online commentator suggested the beast was from a nearby government-run animal disease centre.

But the New York Parks Department is not budging from its initial identification of the animal.

"It was a pig left over from a cookout," a spokesperson told the Animal NY website. "We disposed of it."

Pressed further, the spokesman added: "It was a roasted pig we threw it out. We didn't count its toes, we just threw it out."

It’s a bleedin Pig......

Right more than oodles of Imperial Miles

To our nearest and dearest neighbours, according to a “poll” that revealed that 97% of bus and underground passengers had witnessed rude behaviour the French have admitted that they are rude - and that it is time for a change.

Among the biggest bugbears for commuters are loud conversations on mobile phones, jumping on a metro train before passengers have a chance to get off and just general "lack of manners".

The RATP campaign features a series of ads showing "rude" animals tormenting "civilised" humans.

One shows a hen shouting into a mobile while on a bus; another depicts a buffalo fighting its way onto a busy train and a third pictures a sloth uncaring and relaxed as it takes up more than its share of space.

RATP has also put up a website showing a range of scenarios that could happen to a traveller on public transport, and suggested commuters add their own words as captions for the pictures.

Wot-no frogs...... 

And finally:

Back in barmy Blighty

Santa was in London yesterday - dressed in his usual red robes, though with sunglasses on to open the Harrods Christmas department.

A full 151 days before his big night out It is the earliest ever launch of the store's 8,000 square foot department Christmas World which it hopes will be a big hit with tourists coming to the capital for the Olympics.

He arrived in a Jaguar painted in Union Jack colours, and inside unveiled a giant snowglobe village, a pop-up gingerbread Harrods and a mountaintop ski chalet.

There is also a replica of the Tower of London that will house a set of Christmas crackers priced at £1,299

Argggghh-fuck orf......

 

That’s it: I’m orf to trick an Iris scanner

And today’s thought:

London ain’t burning Olympics.

Angus

Cable car to nowhere: You Rodney!: Half a brain: Big clothes peg: "Schimpf-los": and a Big lollipop.

Stonking amounts of lack of temperature at the Castle this morn, even the liquid metal gauge is wilting, and as I sit here naked on the sofa his Maj is giving me strange looks...

Just got back from the stale bread, gruel and his Maj’s food run dahn Tesco and tried to purchase some go juice on the way out, of twenty pumps only eight were working, two of those were out of unleaded and they have started charging lots of loot for air and water at the tyre thingy.

Up in the Smoke and up in the air

It seems that the £44 million Emirates Air Line cable car doo-dah over the Thames didn’t like the “Summer” weather and decided to go on strike leaving more than 60 passengers, including young children, the elderly and tourists, suspended in mid-air after Britain's first urban cable car system broke down in the midday sun.

After 40 long minutes hanging about some passengers refused to board again amid fears another incident could occur, others demanded a refund for their £16 entry fee.

While some workers claimed a key generator had overheated, apologetic officials said the earlier inquiries suggested the “technical fault” was down to a faulty sensor, Transport for London launched an investigation to establish what caused the fault but denied witness claims that it had broken down because of the heat.

Wonder if it will work when it gets cold-on Friday.....

Dahn in Warm pasty land

An underage drinker was made to look a plonker as he tried to get into a pub using fake ID… under the name of Only Fools And Horses chump Rodney Trotter.

Doormen got suspicious when they saw the address on the novelty driving licence was 23 Nelson Mandela House, Peckham, and it had his date of birth as 1960.

Then they noticed the picture was of actor Nicholas Lyndhurst, who played Rodders in the TV comedy.

The pub boss in Newquay, Cornwall, said yesterday: “I haven’t seen a celebrity ID used like that.

"We put it through the scanner as a joke… then confiscated it.”

The town is plagued by teen boozers and ID scanners were brought in at bars.

“Rodney” fled before police arrived but Insp Ian Drummond-Smith said the fake ID could have got him jailed.

He said: “A forged licence can get you two years. People should think very hard about the consequences.”

 

Should have gorn to Tesco...

The Right Brain vs Left Brain

Do you see the dancer turning clockwise or anti-clockwise?

If clockwise, then you use more of the right side of the brain and vice versa.

Most of us would see the dancer turning anti-clockwise though you can try to focus and change the direction; see if you can do it.

LEFT BRAIN FUNCTIONS
uses logic
detail oriented
facts rule
words and language
present and past
math and science
can comprehend
knowing
acknowledges
order/pattern perception
knows object name
reality based
forms strategies
practical
safe

RIGHT BRAIN FUNCTIONS
uses feeling
"big picture" oriented
imagination rules
symbols and images

Present and future
philosophy & religion
can "get it" (i.e. meaning)
believes
appreciates
spatial perception
knows object function
fantasy based
presents possibilities
impetuous
risk taking

Clockwise for me-always knew I only had half a brain....

Right a bit to the place above France

Built for the Festival of the Five Seasons in Chaudfontaine Park, which lies on the outskirts of Liege, Belgium, a giant clothespin sculpture appears to be holding on to a mound of dirt and grass.

Designed by Turkish artist Mehmet Ali Uysal, a professor of art at the Middle East Technical University, the giant sculpture is just one piece in a string of Uysal works that rely on flawless illusion.

What the bleedin hell is “illusionary” about a great big lump of wood?

Right a smidge

Two German entrepreneurs have devised a way for passive-aggressive citizens to blow off some steam - dial a telephone number and give the person on the other end a verbal lashing.

The swearing hotline, known as "Schimpf-los" ("swear away") in German, has operators standing by seven days a week for frustrated individuals to jeer at and taunt using the most unsavoury language they can muster

The service costs 1.49 Euros per minute - a figure Schulte feels is completely justified. "For getting everything off your chest, it's a bargain."

Don’t need it-I’ve got a blog-but the number is in the pic if you feel the need....

 

And finally:

 

Left over the warm salty thing

A confectionery company in the US created the world's largest lollipop.

The massive 7,000-pound chocolate lolly, made by Sees Candies, has been on display at Justin Herman Plaza in San Francisco.

The sweet feat was certified by Guinness World Records' adjudicator Amanda Mochan and it beats the previous largest sweet, which was held by Ashrita Furman for a 6,514 pound effort.

Just a normal bit of “candy” for some then.....

That’s it: I’m orf to find some dark matter and exotic antimatter

And today’s thought:

Now, where is U-Turn Cam sitting Olympics#2?

Angus

No amnesty: Physios and podiatrists prescriptions: Amateur bomb defuser: A bit more Argy bargy: Up yours Tamworth: and how to wash a car-twice...

Oodles of solar stuff at the Castle this morn the garden has been fettled to the nth degree, and I have had to wash the sheet, duvet and cover because it is a bit damp from my melting bod over the hot dark thing.

As I put a nice clean sheet on the four-poster his Maj came in from exploring the grounds and ran right across it leaving a nice set of dirty paw prints-make that I have had to wash the duvet, cover and two sheets....

Up in the Olympic Smoke

Someone in the on holiday number 10 yesterday ruled out offering an amnesty for illegal immigrants and failed asylum-seekers still in Britain.

The move has previously been supported by Boris Johnson, the Mayor of London. But Prime Monster U-Turn Cam’s spokesman said: "That is not something we are considering."

His comments came after it emerged that the UK Border Agency is working its way through a backlog of more than 275,000 cases – equivalent to the population of Newcastle.

Wonder how many it will be after the underwater Olympics?

Still in baking Blighty

Physiotherapists and podiatrists (feet and ankle stuff) in England are to get the right to prescribe medicines by themselves.

Ministers agreed to the change in the law after carrying out a consultation, but it will be 2014 before it is fully rolled out.

When physios and podiatrists do start prescribing they will become the first in the world to be given such powers.

And it will mean patients do not have to go back to GPs to get drugs such as anti-inflammatories and painkillers.

Health minister Lord Howe said: "By introducing these changes, we aim to make the best use of their skills and allow patients to benefit from a faster and more effective service."

That should help our medal count....

East many, many miles

After working for eight years, Ji Xingang's bomb-defusing device is now used by many public security bureaus, fire stations, as well as oil and gas companies throughout China. Wang Ru reports.

For eight years, Ji Xingang worked relentlessly on his bomb defusing invention, modifying and improving the device. It was originally a hobby and he never thought it would be put to use. But the timing was perfect. He completed his project in March 2010 and in June 2010, someone from the public security bureau of Shijiazhuang, capital of Hebei province, found use for it.

The conventional way to defuse unexploded bombs was to transport them to remote localities and detonate them. But nobody could predict whether the bomb would explode during transportation.

So they moved it to nearby open ground.

According to Ji, there is a huge market for such machines. In 2008, the Olympic Games imported an anti-bomb water jet cutting machine from a German company, which cost $200,000.

Since 2010, Ji has been selling his water jet cutter to public security bureaus, fire stations, as well as oil and gas companies all over China. In 2011, his cutter was bought for the World University Games in Shenzhen.

 

Spiffing, but shouldn’t he be standing a bit further away?

West just as far and dahn more than a smidge

A raffle will determine which civil servants in a small Argentine town will receive their pay first, due to insufficient funds, its mayor announced Monday.

"We will draw lots to decide the (order) of payment," said mayor of Bialet Masse, Gustavo Pueyo, in a broadcast from Buenos Aires private radio station Radio Mitre.

Pueyo said the raffle was approved by national mayoral authorities and the first draw took place Friday, with 23 of the town's 92 employees receiving their pay. A second raffle is slated for Monday.

Home to 5,000 inhabitants, Bialet Masse is a tourist destination in Cordoba Province, 750 kilometres (466 miles) northwest of Buenos Aires.

Pueyo attributed the city's insufficient funds to a drop in the funding usually received from the provincial government.

 

No wonder they want the oily Falklands-wonder if it would work in the leaning tower of

Westminster....

Back in up yours Blighty

A hedge clipped to look like an extended middle finger has landed one gardener in trouble after police ordered the offensive bush to be altered following a complaint.

Warwickshire Police have told creator Richard Jackson his cheeky garden humour must be altered as it is considered a public offence.

In response, neighbours in Tamworth, Staffordshire, have started a Save the Bush campaign.

'I carved the bush into a middle finger eight years ago and there has only ever been one complaint about it, made recently,' explained Mr Jackson.

'I was contacted by the police and they said the council had been in touch because somebody had complained to them about it.

'Apparently, one person was offended by it and the police said it was a public order offence.'

Warwickshire Police said if they receive a direct complaint about the hedge they would deal with it proportionately.

Fuck orf......

And finally:

West to the home of not a lot of water and the land of old farts

After driving out of the Spotless Auto Laundry carwash on East Anderson Street Hackensack an ‘elderly’ woman decided that her motor wasn’t “spotless” and drove it into the river to finish it orf.

The woman, who was not immediately identified, apparently hit the wrong pedal and she and her car ended up in the river, police said. She was rescued by a carwash employee and a customer and treated at Hackensack University Medical Centre.

The incident occurred around 3:30 p.m. Police called city fire-fighters about a car in the water at East Anderson and River streets, said Lt. Justin Derevyanik of the Hackensack Fire Department.

Fire-fighters launched a boat to check the vehicle for other occupants, found none and then secured the car by tying it to the shore line so it could be towed from the river, Derevyanik said. They then helped a tow truck crew retrieve the car.

The good news is that no fire-fighters were injured.

 Oh well that’s alright then.....but at least she had a fifty/fifty chance of hitting the right pedal...

 

That’s it: I’m orf to slow dahn a Dumpling Squid

And today’s thought:

Now where is U-Turn Cam sitting Olympics....

Angus

What’s his name hedges his bets: Up your Leccy bill: Over populated-over here: Hornsea hoo-ha: Incredible Bulk: Big Apple water cafe: and IKEA beer.

At the Castle this morn-the sun is out, the sky is blue, there’s not a cloud to spoil the view but it’s.....not going to last.

Allegedly as the golden cheese grater makes its seemingly endless journey to the temporary big round thing next to the big red helter skelter the ‘wevver’ is going to go tits up-again. 

Just got back from the stale bread, gruel and his Maj’s food run dahn Tesco, prices are still rising and the cost of cheese seems to be soaring in inverse proportion to the pittance paid to dairy farmers and are allegedly set to rise even more due to the piss poor atmospheric conditions over the last month or two.

 And the interweb thingy is bollixed up-again...

U-Turn cam’s fag

Otherwise known as what’s his name reckons that his party would do its “duty” if Labour won the most seats but fell short of a Commons majority in 2015.

There have been rumours that Mr Clegg could stand down before the next election to take a job as an EU commissioner.

But he insisted that he could work with Labour’s leader, Ed Miliband, and that “personal likes and dislikes” were irrelevant.

However, he boasted of a series of policy successes in government, including raising the income tax threshold for the lowest paid workers and providing more money for disadvantaged schoolchildren.

And if you believe that you should go and see your GP immediately.....

According to some members of the leaning tower of Westminster

Households will pay too much for their electricity bills because of the Piss Poor Policies Millionaires Club Coalition’s botched energy reforms.

The Commons energy and climate change committee found that plans to encourage companies to build wind farms and nuclear plants were too expensive and executed poorly. Under the reforms, households would subsidise the construction of low-carbon power plants through their energy bills.

The Government would fix the price of electricity in an attempt to make it affordable.

It will raise the cost of bills by about £100 over the next decade, according to Government estimates.

However, the Treasury has backed out of providing an official state guarantee for the reforms, meaning it will cost more for companies to borrow money to fund the projects.

The Department of Energy and Climate Change has defended the reforms.

Edward Davey, the Energy Secretary, insisted that his Bill would give households “secure, low-carbon, affordable energy”.

And if you believe that..........

Still in salty Blighty

Apparently there are more than 275,000 failed migrants who need to be removed from the country according to the home affairs committee.

Allegedly the backlog of UK Border Agency (UKBA) cases awaiting resolution was "now equivalent to the entire population of Newcastle upon Tyne".

The committee said the backlog included:

At least 150,000 migrants who had been refused permission to stay in the UK

21,000 asylum cases

3,900 foreign offenders living in the community

57 foreign criminals released in 2006 without being considered for deportation and who had not yet been traced

80,000 asylum applications and 21,500 immigration cases in the "controlled archive" of cases where the UKBA had lost track of the applicant

Responding to the report's recommendations, the Home Office spokesman said: "Talented students are welcome in the UK, but we have introduced new powers to toughen up the system, keeping out the fraudulent and unqualified while ensuring genuine students continue to benefit from our excellent educational facilities."

Yeah right.

Up to the Norf-ish bit of our sunny land

A holiday beach was cordoned off after a landslip sent more than 1,000 deadly bombs and rockets embedded in the cliffs for more 60 years tumbling onto the sands.

The East Riding beach of Mappleton, near Hornsea, was used as a practice bombing range during the Second World War - but the bad weather has led to ground movement which exposed one of the biggest arsenals ever uncovered yesterday.

The fins of many of the bombs have been left sticking out of the mud and rock which has fallen onto the beach.

A 24-hour guard has been placed on the beach by Humberside Police amid fears that children may be tempted to pick up a "trophy" during the school holidays.

An Army Bomb Disposal team from North Yorkshire's Catterick Army Base has also been called in to clear the beach over the next few days.

The Army experts are hoping to remove some of the smaller items but some will have to be blown up on site in controlled explosions, Humber Coastguard said.

They include rockets, mortar bombs and 25-pounder bombs which were all fired into the cliffs by RAF aircraft during the war years and have been there ever since.

Maybe they should send the on holiday again MPs to pick them up.....

From the Dark Continent comes-the incredible Bulk

Obviously not from east Africa....

Over the even saltier thing than food

In the big apple New York City opens its first water-only café, selling only tap water for a $1 a cup.

The café's co-owner Adam Ruhf told Reuters that their water is cleaner and healthier than regular tap water, with no trace of any chemical or mineral compounds.

Apparently there is a very complicated purifying system situated behind the bar. The purifying system strips the cities tap water down to its molecular level - hence the Cafe's name Molecule,

"It's a seven stage filtration process going through KDF (Kinetic Degradation Fluxion), magnetic and catalytic, active-carbon-five-micron reverse osmosis, UV and ozone treatments," Ruhf explained.

And for the extra healthy customers, the café offers a wide range of supplements that customers can add to their drinks for a dollar each.

The mind boggles.

And finally:

Right more than a few imperial miles

IKEA has started selling beer.

The Swedish furniture store has launched two beers, a dark lager and a regular brew which are currently only available in the UK but is set to be rolled out world-wide in August.

Brewed by IKEA themselves, the dark lager 'ÖL MÖRK LAGER' and the lighter alternative 'ÖL LJUS LAGER' both retail for £1.75 and have a 4.7% ABV. Both bottle feature the famous blue and yellow logo.

Which will give those male “partners” a spiffing excuse when the flat pack shelves turn out looking like a bonfire.

That’s it: I’m orf to kick a dwarf------star

And today’s thought:

Duckess of Cornwall Olympics

Angus