Shit for brains Shapps: Still U-Turning: Lock, stock and pussy: Big Nugget: Streaker teacher: and the Invisible man returns.

 

Less than a lot of warm stuff, not a puff of atmospheric movement, and dawn’s crack is still missing, as I sit here watching the onset of the white fluffy stuff the butler is using both conveyor belts to feed fat, carbon neutral teenagers into the furnace.

Apparently we are going to get quite a lot of snowman building blocks dahn ‘ere in ‘Ampshire which will of course bring the ’Ome counties to a standstill, buses will be cancelled, trains will not run, schools will close, deliveries will not be delivered and All and Sundry will be sat in front of their computers at home instead of going to work. 

It really is no wonder that Blighty is going dahn hill so fast, “when I were a lad” back in 1963 I remember walking two miles to school in two feet of snow, my mum and dad walked 3/5 miles respectively to get to work, teachers managed to report for duty, shops had plenty of “essentials” because they used a bit of common sense and stocked up, even postman Pat struggled through the wevver to deliver the mail.

But today it seems that the younger man/woman in the street can’t travel more than two hundred yards without the internal combustion engine, the slightest hint of white fluffy stuff is enough for them to abandon work, school and normal life and to have a day or four orf because of inclement wevver.

 

Come on Blighty, get up orf your arses and get out there, if you can walk to work, walk to school show a bit of spheroid strength and get on with life despite the scaremongering of “them” that think we are all gutless losers.

After all we could always use the uneaten ‘Orses to get about...

 

And talking of things that are not normally in our food chain, allegedly Tesco have abandoned meat altogether and are stocking a new type of vegetable that sums up the “management”. 

From my old mate Bernard cometh the Brazilian Chuchu.

 

 

 

 

 

Allegedly the ginger rodent, what’s his name, the alien reptile in disguise and U-Turn Cam 

  

Are thinking of doing yet another 180, this time over the plan to give tax breaks and "free" state-funded hours of childcare to millions of working families, the proposals were due to be announced as part of the Government's mid-term review and help off-set criticism of the decision to withdraw child benefit from taxpayers earning over £60,000 a year. At the same time Elizabeth Truss, the minister responsible for childcare, was due to announce new rules to allow nurseries to look after up to eight children for each member of staff. Currently the limit is four.

But the Treasury is understood to be concerned at the cost of the proposals – which could be worth around £2,000 a child – could lead to thousands of stay-at-home mums going back into the workplace.

This, officials fear, could create a funding black-hole at a time when budgets across all Government departments are under intense pressure.

At the same time the Liberal Democrats are worried that the plans to relax child/staff ratios could damage the standard of care provided. Nick Clegg has made it clear that he will refuse to sign off on any policy "which jeopardises standards."

So far the Coalition's ruling 'quad' of David Cameron, George Osborne, Nick Clegg and Danny Alexander has met twice in an attempt to iron out the differences between the Treasury and the Department of Education.

 

No change there then....

 

Yet another member of the Piss Poor Policies Millionaires Club Coalition

 

Has proven why we are so bollixed up in Blighty, discussing whether we should consider eating horse meat as a cheaper alternative to beef in times of austerity, shit for brains Grant Shapps thought he had come up with a neat explanation for why we do not: namely that we only eat herbivores.

Speaking on BBC One’s Question Time programme, he said this week’s revelations about the presence of horse DNA in some beef burgers had set him wondering “why we think some animals are socially acceptable to eat and others are not.”

The reason, he suggested, boiled down to a simple formula.

“I think the answer is we basically eat animals that don’t eat animals,” he said. “So we eat animals that eat grass and what have you.”

 

Ye fucking Gods.....

 

Some of the members of the square mile up in the Smoke 

 

Have been outdone by a ginger cat named Orlando which won the investment challenge in the The Observer portfolio challenge.

Each team invested a notional 5000 pounds ($7600) in five FTSE All-Share companies at the start of 2012, allowing them to exchange stocks every three months with others from the index.

Although Orlando was trailing in September, an unexpected turnaround in the last quarter saw the feline’s portfolio increasing by an average 4.2 per cent to end the year at 5542.60 pounds, compared with the professionals’ 5176.60 pounds.

While the professionals stuck to traditional methods, Orlando selected stocks by throwing a toy mouse on a grid of numbers allocated to various companies.

To celebrate Orlando's success, owner Jill Insley, bought him a red collar in the style of Urquhart-Stewart's red braces.

 

And the other tossers celebrated by going dahn the job centre.

 

Dahn Unda

Michael Cooper unearthed a 5.5kg Y shaped gold nugget with a metal detector near the town of Ballarat in Victoria.

 

I’m orf to send the butler to check out the garden-just in case

 

Up in the snowy Norf of Blighty 

A teacher could be struck off for running around naked in front of his stunned pupils.

David Bradley, 55, who was awarded an MBE for services to young people, streaked across a field in full view of students aged 12 and 13 during a school camping trip.

The Teaching Agency has found Bradley guilty of unacceptable professional conduct.

Panel chairman John Pemberton told him he had “failed to maintain the appropriate boundaries... between pupils and teachers”.

Bradley was in charge of 11 youngsters when he ran naked from the barn where the group were camping.

He told the hearing in Coventry: “The lads streaked for a joke and said ‘come on, sir, have a go’.

"At the time I realised it was inappropriate.”

 So why do it then you Plonker....

 

And finally: 

Somewhere in disguise

Photos: Eli Klein Fine Art

Liu Bolin, the man who took the international art world by ‘storm’, in 2009, with his incredible ability to merge with the environment, has returned with a new series that makes him even harder to spot.

Nicknamed the “Invisible Man”, Liu Bolin is a master of camouflage art who spends up to 10 hours blending into various backdrops, with the help of paint. He puts on a suit and waits patiently as his helpers cover him in paint matching the colours of the background, until he becomes almost impossible to spot. Passionate about his art, this human chameleon he tries to get every little detail, every crack and crevice just right for that one perfect snapshot. His latest exhibition, “Hiding in the City”, at New York’s Eli Klein Art Gallery.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Spiffing; now get a life….

 

That’s it: I’m orf to de-stress my cheese plant

 

And today’s thought:

Snow Joke 

Angus
 

Shit for brains Numptys: Get on my land: Cheers: Weighty problem?: Bottom rockets: and Her Maj’s old bag.

Oodles of deep, crisp and even stuff at the Castle this morn, his Maj seems to like the white fluffy stuff, and the dungeon is stacked to the rack with drunk, fat teenagers for the furnace.

Despite the warnings

And that we all know that more than a whimsy of snow will bring Blighty to a standstill, hundreds-nay thousands of shit for brains “motorists” ventured out on “important” business.

Up to 100 vehicles were stranded on the M40 between Junction 4 High Wycombe and Junction 9 Bicester for several hours and snow ploughs were brought in to help clear the roads.

One motorist told BBC News he had spent more than seven hours stuck in traffic in his car on the M25 in Hertfordshire.

Knob heads.....

 

In the part of Blighty that needs faster transport

Landowners and farmers are to be paid £1,000 each to allow contractors involved in the high speed rail project onto their property.

The payment will be to allow HS2, the company responsible for scheme, to carry out environmental surveys along the route, which will initially run from Euston to Birmingham before being extended to both Manchester and Leeds.

It is the latest move to appease those who live on the route which will see trains hurtling through the Chilterns, Warwickshire and Northamptonshire.

If further inspections are needed additional payments will be made under an agreement reached between HS2, the Country Land and Business Association and the National Farmers Union.

In the case of tenant farmers, the money will be shared with the owner of the land. In addition HS2 will pay for any damage caused to the land as a result of the survey work.

"We recognise that many CLA members would rather HS2 was dropped," said Harry Cotterell, the CLA president. "But now it is confirmed we owe them a duty of care to ensure the work is carried out with as little damage and loss as is possible."

 

High speed bonus...

 

For those who like to imbibe a bit

An 1825 formula that gives you a pint of beer for just 11p a pint has been "discovered".

It was written by ale lover Thomas Denton, who was determined to recreate his favourite tipple, London Porter.

For 72 pints of stout, you will need a peck of barley, 4oz of hops, 7lb of treacle and several gallons of boiling water.

Mr Denton, of Goole, east Yorkshire, also recommended letting the potent brew ferment for seven days.

 

Good luck with that...

Over in the place where Romanians come from

A model with a waist of just 20 inches has insisted she eats three square meals a day, including fatty foods such as crisps, pizza and kebabs.

Ioana Spangenberg, 30, measures in at 5ft 6 inches tall, weighing six stone.

The model told The Sun: 'No one seems to believe it, but every day I eat three big meals and I snack on chocolate and crisps all the time.

'I just have a small stomach. It's a bit like a gastric band, if I eat too much I feel sick'.

Yeah right....

Left to the land of rear exits and the home of the lawsuit

A college student claims he was injured when a fraternity member in a “drunken stupor” decided “that it would be a good idea to shoot bottle rockets out of his anus,” and did so, “but instead of launching, the bottle rocket blew up in the defendant’s rectum, and this startled the plaintiff and caused him to jump back,” and fall off the fraternity’s deck.

The student is now suing the fraternity, Alpha Tau Omega, for failing to provide a railing for the deck as well as the frat brother who lit the rocket in question.

 Bum deal....

 And finally:

Her Maj’s old bag

And no I am not talking about Charlie’s darling, the secret is out, Sally Bedell Smith, author of Elizabeth the Queen: The Woman Behind The Throne has revealed what is kept in the royal baggage (and no I am not talking about horse face Camilla).

Apparently there is a portable hook, which is used to hang it discreetly under tables, a mirror and lipstick, reading glasses, mint lozenges a fountain pen and a crisply folded £5 note to donate to the church collection on Sundays. 

Now we know...

That’s it: I’m orf to piss in the wind

And today’s thought:

Angus

Synchronised cock up: Scrapped for cash: 'diamagnetic levitation': DIY art: Time cloak: and Snow monsters.

Gale is once again howling at the Castle this morn, the study is overweight with wonky what knots and his Maj has discovered the joy of changing the channel on the TV.

The Olympic Knobheads have done it again

Thousands of people who bought tickets to see synchronised swimming at London 2012 have been asked to return them, after the organisers discovered that they had sold 10,000 too many.

The problem arose after the first round of ticket sales last spring.

Synchronised swimming was an event which was not initially oversubscribed.

When sessions for the sport were put back up for sale, a human data error meant thousands of extra tickets, which did not exist, were made available.

About 3,000 customers who bought the 10,000 tickets in the second round of sales have been contacted by Games organisers Locog.

They have been offered the chance to exchange their tickets for other events for which they also applied, and were originally unsuccessful.

Is it really that difficult to do it properly?

 

Dahn at the second hand metal yard

Britain's £5bn-a-year scrap industry is facing tougher regulation as part of a government crackdown on metal theft.

People selling scrap could be required to register and face identity checks.

And cash payments could be banned, to make metal transactions easier to trace, Home Office minister, Lord Henley told the BBC.

Tougher regulation would be welcome according to an industry spokesman, but a cash ban could be counter-productive, he warned - encouraging illegal trades.

Hospitals, the rail network, utility companies, churches and war memorials have all been targeted in recent years by thieves attracted by the rising prices of non-ferrous metals such as copper.

Copper load of that?

Up North a bit

Scientists at the University of Nottingham have used Harry Potter-style powers to suspend fruit flies in mid air.

The technique they used, known as 'diamagnetic levitation', uses a strong magnetic field to allow the insects to become weightless and appear to walk on air.

Author of the research, Dr Richard Hill, and his colleagues, wrote: 'This study shows that the walking speed of fruit flies and their "activity" is altered significantly by counteracting gravitational force.'

He explained that the experiment shows that diamagnetic levitation can be used to investigate the influence of changing gravity of multi-cellular organisms.

Magnetic fields have been previously been used in a range of experiments to levitate organic materials, as well as small living organisms, including a frog, grasshoppers and fish.

Peter Main, a professor at the Institute of Physics who worked on earlier studies in the field, told Discovery News that it would be possible to levitate a human if there was a magnet big enough.

 Yet another load of old bollocks from the University of the bleedin useless.

Right a few imperial units

Art student Andrzej Sobiepan didn't want to wait decades for his work to appear in museums. So he took matters in his own hands, covertly hanging one of his paintings in a major Polish gallery.

On Dec. 10, Sobiepan put it up in a room with contemporary Polish art when a guard at the museum was looking the other way. Museum officials didn't notice the new painting for three days.

By Wednesday, the young artist was getting plenty of attention after a nationwide TV channel reported on his stunt at the National Museum in the south-western city of Wroclaw. He told reporters he hoped galleries would give more exhibition space to young artists as a result.

"I decided that I will not wait 30 or 40 years for my works to appear at a place like this," Sobiepan told TVN24. "I want to benefit from them in the here and now."

I don’t know young people today-want, want, want....

And over the salty thing on the left to another “breakthrough”

Scientists have made an entire event impossible to see. They have invented a time masker.

Their time cloak lasted an incredibly tiny fraction of a fraction of a second. They hid an event for 40 trillionths of a second, according to a study appearing in Thursday's edition of the journal Nature.

They tinkered with the speed of beams of light in a way that would make it appear to surveillance cameras or laser security beams that an event, such as an art heist, isn't happening.

I can do it several times a minute-it’s called blinking…

And finally:

East to the land of raw fish

Some snow monsters.

That’s it: I’m orf to flog an old laptop.

And today’s thought:

Angus

Northern cock-up: Carriage on the line: Advanced Hypersonic Weapon: Chastity and Cuckolding: Axing snowploughs: and some 3d art.

Warmish, dryish, calmish and sunnyish at the Castle this morn, the study is still a vacuum for ex computing thingies and I had the injection in the right elbow yestermorn-bloody painful, it has swollen up to a size larger than U-Turn Cam’s ego, so I am writing this with left hand only.

I don’t usually do football but;

Apparently there is a bit of hoo-ha over some bloke called Step Ladder who runs the football thingy.

Allegedly Step Ladder is facing calls for his resignation after claiming that racism on the pitch is not a problem and that racist abuse between players should be settled by a handshake.

Fine; whatever; now stop putting it on every “news” channel on the box....

 And: 

Son of a B....aronet (and alien reptile in disguise) George (I don’t have a GCSE in maths) Osborne has managed to sell orf our Northern Rock bank for £400 million less than “we” paid for it.

The lucky recipient of this knock down gift is old beardy Branson who must be rubbing his hands together in glee over 75 branches, 2,100 staff, one million customers, a £14bn mortgage book and retail deposits of £16bn. The combined business will operate in the high street under the Virgin Money brand.

The Chancellor insisted the deal – under which Sir Richard Branson’s Virgin Money takes Northern Rock over for £747m, possibly rising to £1bn – represented good value.

Meanwhile “we” are keeping the £20bn of toxic assets such as bad debts and closed mortgages.

Who “voted” for this unelected bunch of Wankers?

Meanwhile up in the Chilterns

Chiltern Railways is scrapping a service because the train is too big.

For years around 30 or so commuters in Saunderton, Bucks could rely on the 7.19am to Marylebone Station which would get them into London just after 8am.

But from next month the service is going to disappear because the train will be too long for the platform.

This follows the decision of the company to add a seventh carriage to the service to ease overcrowding, but alas it is one too many for Saunderton station.

As Chiltern does not employ guards, it is not possible to only open some of the doors on the train.

 

Makes a change from leaves, wrong type of snow/rain/heat and Lions I suppose....

Over the sea to the big bit on the left

Allegedly the Pentagon held a successful test flight on Thursday of a flying bomb that travels faster than the speed of sound and will give military planners the ability to strike targets anywhere in the world in less than a hour.

Launched by rocket from Hawaii at 1130 GMT, the "Advanced Hypersonic Weapon," or AHW, glided through the upper atmosphere over the Pacific "at hypersonic speed" before hitting its target on the Kwajalein atoll in the Marshall Islands, a Pentagon statement said.

Kwajalein is about 2,500 miles (4,000 kilometres) southwest of Hawaii. The Pentagon did not say what top speeds were reached by the vehicle, which unlike a ballistic missile is manoeuvrable.

Scientists classify hypersonic speeds as those that exceed Mach 5 -- or five times the speed of sound -- 3,728 miles (6,000 kilometres) an hour.

The test aimed to gather data on "aerodynamics, navigation, guidance and control, and thermal protection technologies," said Lieutenant Colonel Melinda Morgan, a Pentagon spokeswoman.

The US Army's AHW project is part of "Prompt Global Strike" program which seeks to give the US military the means to deliver conventional weapons anywhere in the world within an hour.

Back in the bunker...

Back in the Smoke

A London dominatrix has mastered the world of academia - and is well on her way to a doctorate in sexual fetishism.

Hannah Platt, aka Mistress Absolute, is studying at Birbeck College at the University of London in an effort to become a leading authority on 'Chastity and Cuckolding'.

The professional dominatrix has more than 10 years experience and has made full disclosure of her profession to university authorities.

"I have made no secret of my professional life," she said. "They were cool about the whole thing and understood that my day job gives me a unique insight in to the subject matter.

"I am studying all aspects of chastity and cuckolding from a historical and psychoanalytical perspective. It is truly fascinating - and extremely relevant in these troubled times."

Mistress Absolute will be sharing some of her experience this weekend by running a special Fetish Club Zone at the Erotica adult lifestyle event at the Olympia in London.

 

Wonder if there are any tickets left...

Back over to the left

An axe-wielding man attacked a snow plough truck in Big Lake earlier this month, apparently because he was angered by a snow berm (A ridge of snow pushed up by a plough) blocking in his car, according to charging documents.

The truck's driver, James Ross, told Alaska State Troopers a man with a "maul-style axe" ran in front of his truck on Saquonee Street in Big Lake the afternoon of Nov. 6, forcing Ross to slam on his brakes to avoid hitting the man, according to a trooper affidavit filed in court.

Then Logan hit the driver's side door of the truck with the axe, causing about $200 in damage, according to the affidavit. Ross drove away, fearing that Logan would attack him next, the court papers say. The plough driver then gave troopers Logan's description and told them where the attack occurred.

The man, later identified as 44-year-old Vernon Logan, swore at Ross while asking what Ross was doing, the court papers say.

Err, snow plough-what did he think he was doing...

And finally: 

Back to the Smoke

3D Street artists Joe & Max turned part of London's Canary Wharf quayside into the longest and largest 3D artwork as part of the Guinness World Records Day today.

The waterfall image measures 1,160.4 metres square and is 106.5m long, beating the previous 892.15metre square record set by China's Qi Xinghua, and will remain on display until tomorrow.

Or until it rains...

That’s it: I’m orf to plumb the depths of the moat. 

And today’s thought: I went to the bank and went over my savings. I found out I have all the money that I'll ever need. .. . If I die tomorrow." -- Henny Youngman

Angus

It went and gone and did it

A little ditty on my thoughts about the weather.







They said it would and it did
The snow came down to make us skid
Across the roads and down the lanes
It stopped the traffic and the trains

It stopped the airports and the stations
An inch of snow has stopped the nation
That’s all it takes to make us stop
No work today no way to shop

The powers that be had one whole day
To keep the white stuff at bay
To grit the roads and grit the rails
But all we hear are sad sad tales

Of people trapped in deep snow drifts
And cars trapped in deep snow rifts
Of black ice here and black ice there
To catch the traveller if they dare

To venture out into the weather
And not fall down, we cling together
And fight our way through wind and flakes
And try not to make mistakes

That sends us tumbling to the ground
Or motors that spin round and round
To try to get to where we’re going
Through all the white stuff that is blowing

It happens every year you see
That bit of weather fit for skies
They know it’s coming but do nothing
And just because it’s bloody snowing

Angus

AnglishLit

©AngusDei2009

Make it snow; Boston witch hunt; Arrested for washing his hands; Ejecto-Numpty; and Big Balls

Bribble factor 8 during the dark thing, if you are unsure of “Bribble” you can catch up Here and if you want to know what I did yesterday you can find out Here.

I see that David Wilshire, the disgraced Tory MP is comparing the poor old MPs caught with their bank balances in the till to the plight of the Jews in Nazi Germany.

Fine, lets up the penalties for stealing from the public by elected officials to being starved, gassing and medical experimentation, oh no I forgot, it would be MPs that would have to pass the law.

Wilshire, just bugger off and take all your “it was in the rules” mates with you.

And;

I don’t tend to do a lot of sports on this or any other blog but I feel that a mention is due for the Cycling team at the Track World Cup in Manchester.

British cyclists have racked up 10 gold medals over the three days of the competition in Manchester.

Team GB: Lizzie Armitstead, Steven Burke, Ed Clancy, Matt Crampton, David Daniell, Wendy Houvenaghel, Rebecca James, Jason Kenny, Chris Newton, Joanna Rowsell, Ben Swift, Andy Tennant, Geraint Thomas, Jess Varnish

Good one guys.



First up:

Seedy Snow

The Chinese government covered Beijing in snow on Sunday after meteorologists seeded clouds to bring winter weather to the capital in an effort to combat a lingering drought.

The unusually early snow blanketed the capital from Sunday morning and kept falling for half the day, helped by temperatures as low as minus 2 Celsius (29 Fahrenheit) and strong winds from the north, Xinhua news agency reported.

Besides falling in the north-eastern provinces of Liaoning and Jilin and the northern province of Hebei, the eastern port city of Tianjin also got its first snow of the autumn, the report said.

"We won’t miss any opportunity of artificial precipitation since Beijing is suffering from the lingering drought," the report quoted Zhang Qiang, head of the Beijing Weather Modification Office, as saying.

Chinese meteorologists have for years sought to make rain by injecting special chemicals into clouds.

Although the technique often gets results, a drought in the north of the country has continued for over a decade.

Besides the snow, which the Beijing Evening News said was the earliest to hit the capital in 10 years, the cold weather and strong winds also delayed air travel from Beijing's Capital Airport, while interrupting passenger shipping services off the coast of Shandong province in the east, Xinhua said.

Can you seed the clouds to make them go away-Pleeease!

Smokers beware

From the home of the tea party: - Lighted cigarettes are a thing of the past at Pirone Park in Ayer.

Jason Mayo watched as a father pushed his child on a swing, cigarette clenched between his teeth. On every upswing, the child got a face full of exhaled smoke.

“We can’t tell people how to parent,’’ said Mayo, a member of the Ayer parks and recreation committee, which has banned smoking in the town’s recreation areas. “But all the other kids around him were inhaling that cigarette too.’’

As antismoking sentiment sweeps across the country, nonsmokers are taking back bars, restaurants, and workplaces, snuffing smoking out of its indoor havens. And now some of them are turning their sights on the great outdoors.

Holliston and Upton have enacted similar outdoor smoking bans. And in another example of the widespread public crackdown on smoking, Needham has outlawed the sale of cigarettes in pharmacies and Newton and Framingham are trying to do the same.

Ayer’s parks and recreation committee implemented its outdoor ban in August, and the panel may also pursue a bylaw at the spring Town Meeting. In a more sweeping stroke, the town’s Board of Health is pursuing a regulation that would apply the prohibition to all town-owned property and land and impose a $100 fine on offenders. The board has set a public hearing on the subject for January.

The outdoor smoking ban in Ayer, a town of about 3,000, covers public recreation areas, including Sandy Pond Beach and Pirone Park. During the past five years roughly 30
Communities have enacted such bans, according to Joan Hamlett, Ayer’s tobacco agent and director of the North Central-Franklin County Tobacco Control Alliance. Sharon was the first to do so in 1995.

Fags-R.I.P

Arresting Repair

Scott Wright was fixing the emergency brake on an old Cadillac in a parking lot near Willow Glen last year when the San Jose police rolled up. Within minutes, he had been shot with a Taser and beaten with batons, breaking his arm.

The cause of the trouble? Wright reached into his van to wash his greasy hands.

Police said they feared he was going for a weapon, but no weapon was found. Wright was charged with resisting arrest, but the district attorney dismissed the case before it got to trial.

What happened to Wright is no isolated event. Hundreds of times a year interactions between San Jose police and residents where no serious crime has occurred escalate into violence.

Many times the reason for the encounter is as innocuous as jaywalking, missing bike head lamps, or failing to signal a turn. But often, as the incidents develop, police determine the suspect is uncooperative and potentially violent and strike the first blow.

While many of those incidents raise questions about whether the police response was excessive, the department almost always dismisses such complaints about its behaviour and limits public scrutiny of the cases, moves that tend to heighten distrust of the department, particularly in minority communities.

Police officials say their officers use force only when they must, to protect themselves and others in complex situations that can quickly turn violent. They say that their internal reviews establish that San Jose police act with restraint, and cite the low number of citizen complaints about excessive force. And police captain Gary Kirby told a City Council committee this year that after reviewing more than 100 resisting arrest cases from the past two years, he came to a clear conclusion: There is no problem.

Tell that to the guy who was tasered and had his arm broken.

Airborne Arsehole

A civilian passenger in an air force display plane accidentally activated the ejector seat while reaching for something to steady himself during a mid-air manoeuvre.

The novice flier instantly shot through the jet's Perspex canopy and was blasted 100 metres into the sky by the rocket-powered emergency chair.

Experts said the man was lucky to escape unharmed following the bizarre incident, which happened on Wednesday in South Africa.

It is thought he activated the ejector seat after lurching forward during an aerobatic manoeuvre and accidentally pulling on the black and yellow emergency handle between his legs.

The lever is fitted as standard in the Pilatus PC-7 Mk II jets to allow pilots and their passengers to eject from the aircraft in the event of an emergency.

As soon as it was activated, the ejection sequence activated two rockets attached to the back of his chair.

The man, who has not been named, later floated back down to Earth on a parachute which opened automatically.

South African Airforce bosses scrambled a helicopter to pick up the passenger after the blunder near Langebaanweg airfield, 80 miles north of Cape Town.

The incident happened shortly after he took off for a joyride with an experienced pilot from South Africa's Silver Falcons air display team.

Maybe he was trying to grab hold of his veggies in self preservation.

And finally:

Big Balls, no pasta

From over the whatsit: - CONCORD, N.H. - The bouncing mega-meatball record has landed in the East Coast.

Matthew Mitnitsky, owner of Nonni's Italian Eatery in Concord, said Sunday that a 222.5-pound (101-kilogram) meatball was authenticated as the world's largest after being weighed by state weights and measures officials.

A Guinness Book of World Records official confirmed the big meatball as a record breaker and presented Mitnitsky with a plaque.

The old record of 198.6 pounds (90 kilograms) was set just over a month ago after Los Angeles-based talk show host Jimmy Kimmel vowed to beat a record set in Mexico. That record - 109 pounds (50 kilograms) - was set in August.

Mitnitsky said he got involved "to bring the meatball back to the East Coast because that's where it originated."

Never fit on your plate.



Angus

AnglishLit

Angus Dei-NHS-THE OTHER SIDE

Angus Dei politico

IS IT ME OR ARE WE BECOMING WHIMPS?

Over the last four days schools have closed because of “the weather”.

“Hundreds of schools have closed in England, Wales and Scotland following the latest heavy snowfall.

Worst affected is Wales where 600 schools have shut, and as much as 5 - 10cm (2 - 4in) of snow is predicted to fall across southern and mid-Wales.

Around Bristol 200 schools were also reported to have closed for the day.
Other counties affected include Shropshire, Derbyshire, Lincolnshire, Norfolk, Devon, Northamptonshire, Staffordshire, and Leicestershire.

Snow has also hit the north of Scotland, where many schools have closed and roads are blocked.

In Aberdeenshire and Aberdeen, more than 150 schools are shut. Grampian Police have warned people only to make essential journeys.

Powys council said it took the decision to close all its schools after taking weather advice, and to "remove any uncertainty".”

This has led of course to thousands of parents having to take time off work to look after them, and has cost hundreds of millions to businesses.

Are they closed because it is too dangerous for the children to walk to school or too dangerous for the parents to drive the kids to school, or too dangerous for the teachers to drive to work?

I may sound like on old fart but, when I was at school we walked a mile or so in snow much deeper than it is now, the teachers all managed to get to work and the parents managed to get to their employment.

Has the “nanny society” finally managed to crush any form of initiative and pride of kids, parents and teachers?

Or is it just that the “I can’t be bothered” ideology is pervasive among children and adults?

After all it is easier and safer to walk in deepish snow than it is in just a scattering, countries such as Alaska, Norway, Sweden and other northern states manage, and their weather is far worse than ours, and over a longer period.

Have we become defeatist, no buses running in London, no trains running, motorways blocked up, main roads impassable and side roads unusable?

Are we wimps or is it a basic failure of local councils and Westminster?

I don’t know, but I would like to.

“Winter lies too long in country towns; hangs on until it is stale and shabby, old and sullen.” - Willa Sibert Cather


Angus

NHS: Angus Dei blogs


Angus Dei politico

‘SNOW FUN

It’s snowing down here in ‘Ampshire, which will cover the ice that formed overnight, and make it even more fun to go out.

If you are lucky enough to be snowed in, here are a few stories to keep you company.

Following on from the man who wanted his kidney back from his wife during their divorce- Excite News VICTORVILLE, Calif. (AP) - Prosecutors say a spurned lover ambushed his ex-girlfriend and tried to cut out the breast implants he paid for by stabbing her. San Bernardino County prosecutor David Foy says 28-year-old Thomas Lee Rowley attacked his ex in July 2006 outside her mother's home in Hesperia, some 70 miles northeast of Los Angeles in the Mojave Desert.

Rowley is on trial in Superior Court in Victorville for attempted murder, assault with a deadly weapon, stalking, burglary, and false imprisonment.

The 26-year-old woman survived six stab wounds and the punctured breast implants were repaired.

Rowley's former roommate Dennis McGill testified this week that the defendant wanted to reclaim what was rightfully his. Rowley allegedly told McGill, "I'm gonna cut 'em out and get em back."


And carrying on with the divorce theme-CROYDON A circus performer has had prehistoric ivory from a mammoth tusk implanted as teeth because he could not bear to part from it during his divorce.
Hannibal Helmurto, of the Circus of Horrors, did not want to split a 40,000-year-old mammoth tusk he purchased in 1993 with his wife when they recently got divorced.
The sword wielding circus performer, who is appearing at the Fairfield Halls in Croydon this weekend, decided to have the tooth fitted into his own mouth instead.


From the BBC a court's refusal to convict a police constable who reached 159mph on a motorway of speeding and dangerous driving is being challenged.
Pc Mark Milton, 38, from Telford, Shropshire, was recorded by the patrol car's video camera on the M54 in 2003.
District Judge Bruce Morgan cleared him after hearing he was "familiarising" himself with a new car.
High Court judges were asked on Tuesday to decide whether an officer could lawfully drive at those speeds.

One law for them?


From Sky News new questions are being asked about aviation security in America after a man packed himself in a crate and 'posted himself' back home. Charles McKinley shipped himself from New York to Dallas in an airline cargo crate.
He was even delivered to the door of his parent’s house - and broke out of the box on the lawn.
"My husband asked him, `Man, what are you doing in this crate?' He said he was coming home," his mother told KDFW-TV in Dallas.
Officials have launched an investigation to find out how he got past security at three airports.
Wonder if he went first or second-class?


Should you or shouldn’t you? NHS: Rosie Palm's Revenge the University of Nottingham say “Hands off” "Masturbation is linked with an increased risk of prostate cancer when practised frequently by young men in their twenties and thirties." Frequently, in this case, being in excess of 20 times a month.

The Australians say “go for it”- Men could reduce their risk of developing prostate cancer through regular masturbation, researchers suggest. . Masturbation Reduces Men's Chance to Develop Prostate Cancer

Does this mean that Nottingham are abstainers while the Aussies are wankers?


Belligerent Badger “A QUIET corner of rural England was recovering yesterday after a bruising encounter with Boris the badger.

Five people were put in hospital and two police officers were sent scurrying for cover after the bad-tempered creature went on a 48-hour rampage through Evesham in Worcestershire.
As the last victim returned from hospital yesterday, after having skin grafts to his legs and an arm, residents described Boris’s arrival as being like a scene from a horror film.”

The moral: never go into your garage to investigate strange noises.


Klingon interpreter sought for mental health patients Position Available: Interpreter, must be fluent in Klingon.

The language created for the "Star Trek" TV series and movies is one of about 55 needed by the office that treats mental health patients in metropolitan Multnomah County, Oregon.
"We have to provide information in all the languages our clients speak," said Jerry Jelusich, a procurement specialist for the county Department of Human Services, which serves about 60,000 mental health clients.

Although created for works of fiction, Klingon was designed to have a consistent grammar, syntax and vocabulary.

"There are some cases where we've had mental health patients where this was all they would speak," said the county's purchasing administrator, Franna Hathaway.”
What can you say?

Maybe “yIDoghQo'” (Don't be silly.) or “naDevvo' yIghoS” (Go away.)


If you want to see our great leader at his best take a look at

http://angusdeipolitico.blogspot.com/

"Laughter is the shortest distance between two people." Victor Borge

Angus

Chickened Out

Still here, didn't go, too bloody cold, snow, frost and my ankle is agony.

I seem to have a Kamikhazee Cat, she hides, and then launches herself between my feet when I am walking-sprained an ankle.


We were going to have a Boys' day out, but we wimped it.



I don't mind saying that, I am in touch with my feminine side, and can accept the fact that I am not Macho.



But freezing your balls off doing "Man" things is not my idea of the perfect Sunday.



So I am going to sit at home in the warm.










And just to keep me company, here are some daft pictures.

Angus