Gobsmacked: War on drivers: Naked squaddy: Tennis legs: Badly stuffed animals: and a Vampire rat.

Much, much less lack of cold at the castle this morn, just returned from the stale bread, gruel and his Maj’s food run dahn Tesco, two weeks ago his fave grub cost £3.00, then last week it went up to £3.68, then this Monday it was £4.00 and today it is £3.00 again...

I was going to post yestermorn after my visit to the tooth puller, but I was so stunned that I couldn’t put finger to keyboard until now.

 

 

The long saga of the front “toof” has now reached epic proportions, as you may know just before last Crimbo I broke a piece orf one of my front “teef”, I went to the tooth puller in Jan, he decided that instead of repairing broken tooth he would grind it dahn to the root and stick a “cap” on it which he ‘printed’ out on his doo-dah.

The “cap” lasted 12 days, so I returned to have it refitted, seven days later it fell out again and I swallowed it. Back to the Dentist, who decided that I would have to have a plate with one toof on it-the plate made me vomit, was loose and eventually broke after a while.

Went back again to the ten miles away dentist, after a very long “consultation” with a junior, and probably the toilet roll he decided that my bite was too strong for anything else than a nice “toof” implant which was going to cost-wait for it-TWO THOUSAND FIVE HUNDRED pounds, oh yes £2,5000 for one biter.

After picking me up and reviving my poor old body he reiterated the price and asked if I wanted to “go ahead” with the procedure.

Needles to say my reply was not in the positive, but I did consent to a £50 ransom to have what are left of my pegs “hygienically cleaned”, because apparently they don’t do scale and polishes anymore under the NHS unless it is “clinically necessary”, and it takes too much time.

 

Why are we paying so much money into the NHS when all we get back is private bollocks....?

 

According to a left wing “Think Tank”

The war on the motorist is a myth and fuel taxes should be raised without delay, Pay as you drive road charging and congestion charging should also be widely implemented to raise funds for public transport, according to the Institute of Public Policy Research, which has close links to Labour.

The IPPR urged the Chancellor to press ahead with future fuel duty rises including 3p scheduled for Jan 1.

“Compared to users of public transport, there is no war on motorists,” said Will Straw, the IPPR’s associate director.

“Rail and bus users have seen fares spiral out of control while the cost of driving has actually fallen over the last decade.

Users of public transport rarely have an alternative, while car drivers can switch to smaller and more fuel-efficient cars and cut out non-essential journeys.

However the report was condemned by the AA. “Far from raising fuel duty the Chancellor should continue to freeze it to help stimulate the economy and lift some of the fuel burden from families and business.

A Government spokesman said: "The Government is embarked on the biggest programme of rail improvements since the Victorian era.

"Rail fares make a vital contribution to delivering these improvements. However, we are determined to bring get the cost of running the railways down to allow us to end the era of above inflation fare rises.

"We have also rightly taken action to support motorists at a time of high international oil prices. Pump prices are 10p a litre cheaper than if we had proceeded with the planned fuel duty escalator."

 

Thanks for sod all-the cost of road fund license is up, insurance is way up, MOTs are up and garages are now charging close to £150 per hour for repairs...

 

After my mention of a ginger haired squaddy in Las Vegas

It seems that said copper knob has been at it again, the squaddy formally known as Henry has allegedly been displaying his crown jewels to a young lady in a hotel room.

I refuse to show the pictures on the grounds that I don’t want MI5 banging on the portcullis to take me to the tower but if you are in need of a glimpse of copper knob click on the link over the picture, but I warn you that if you are of a sensitive nature-DO NOT click on the link....

 

Meanwhile still in the home of “glamour” and the land of the telephoto lens

Allegedly 25 year-old tennis ‘sensation’ Maria Sharapova put her legs on display while visiting the Hamptons.

 

Oh joy, I never knew that tennis players had legs.....

 

Somewhere in the ether

 

There is a Facebook page entitled badly stuffed animals.

The collection of bizarre taxidermy pictures has attracted more than 12,500 followers.

It includes stuffed animals in bizarre poses such as camel in a suitcase, a dog leap-frogging a globe and a squirrel in a flasher mac.

The page also features lots of animals stuffed by taxidermists who do not appear to have completely mastered the art. 

Love it.....

 

And finally:

 

East to the Indonesian bit of the world

An unusual species of rat that cannot gnaw or chew has been discovered, which scientists say is a new step in rodent evolution.

The rodent, called paucidentomys vermidax has fang-like upper incisors that are useless for gnawing and no back teeth.

The rat, which lives exclusively on earthworms, was found in remote rainforest on the Indonesian island of Sulawesi.

It has a rat's tail, a long, thin nose similar to a shrew's and its only teeth are incisors which are in the upper jaw and end in twin points.

The genus name paucidentomys means "few-toothed mouse" and the species name vermidax means "devourer of worms".

Seems logical...

That’s it: I’m orf to extract some uranium from the moat 

And today’s thought:

No comment.

 

 

Angus

 

The daily Numpty, Pig sick, Gummy Redheads, Grandpa groper and Bored Justice

The weather has turned, cloudy, chilly and darkish, nice to be back to normal.

First up:

I didn't think

From OZ: - A FORMER Turkish soldier living in South Australia on a student visa allegedly has shone a laser pointer at a Qantas jet above Willunga, temporarily blinding its pilot.

Irfan Bozan, 26, appeared in the Christies Beach Magistrates Court today charged with endangering life, prejudicing the safe operation of an aircraft and carrying an offensive weapon.

Outside court, police told Adelaide Now that Bozan had caused temporary blindness to the pilot at about 7.40pm last night as he was coming in to land at Adelaide Airport.

The pilot was flying at 7000ft above Willunga when the beam was directed at the plane's cockpit.
Police will allege in court that Bozan, who came to Australia eight months ago, was shining the light while a passenger in a car driven by his co-defendant, Mehmet Akyildiz.

Speaking outside court, Akyildiz told Adelaide Now he had bought the laser while in Thailand and did not realise it was considered an offensive weapon in Australia.

"We didn't know that it was illegal... we thought it was a toy," Akyildiz said.

"I know it can burn through eyes... we were just pointing it at trees and stuff.

"We didn't point it at no planes or cars; we just pointed it at the open air, trees and signs.

"I don't know what's going to happen to him. I don't know what to do."

In court John Mattner, for Bozan, said his client did not realise the laser would cause any harm.

"He thought it was a toy and he didn't think he was doing any harm."

He said due to the serious nature of the charges and the need for a Turkish interpreter, it would be more appropriate for Bozan to access Legal Aid before applying for bail.

Magistrate Simon Milazzo remanded Bozan in custody until September.


Numpty.

Does this mean we are engaged?

Anne Moon was on a day out at York Maze when she went to pet the pig called Ginger.

But the animal clamped its teeth around the ring and when it let go Mrs. Moon found that the diamond was missing.

Now Paul Caygill, the farmer who owns the Kune Kune pig, is waiting for nature to take its course in the hope of finding the missing gem, which was a gift from Mrs Moon's husband 30 years ago.

"I've never been in such close contact with a pig before so I put my hand out flat to let it have a sniff," said Mrs Moon, of Thirsk, North Yorkshire.

"It just clamped its teeth around the ring and wouldn't let go. When I did pull my hand free the ring was covered in dirt. I gave it a wipe and the diamond was gone, I couldn't believe it."

The pig's pen was searched because it was believed Ginger may have spat it out but nothing was found.

"If the pig wasn't so dirty I think we would have put him in the back of the car and taken him home," Mrs Moon added.

Mr Caygill said: "The woman came up to me and said 'you won't believe this, but one of your pigs has swallowed a diamond from my ring'.

"She showed me the ring and it had diamonds round the edge, but the big one in the middle was missing. She was upset."

We will have to wait for the evidence to appear.

Blame your Genes

It appears that “research” has discovered that Redheads are more than twice as likely to avoid the dentist than brunettes, because they feel pain more acutely. Previous research has shown that people with red hair can be more sensitive to the agony of the dentist's chair, because of a gene which helps to create their hair colour.

Experts believe that redheads require larger doses of anaesthetics to numb the sensation, than people with other hair colours.

Researchers from the Cleveland Clinic, in Cleveland, Ohio, tested whether redheads were more likely to avoid visiting the dentist than others.

The study looked at 144 people, 67 of whom were natural redheads and 77 of whom had dark hair, aged between 18 and 41.

They were all asked to complete a survey designed to show how anxious people were about the dentist, how much they feared dental pain and how likely they were to avoid dental work.

The findings, published in the Journal of American Dental Association, found that 85 participants had the MC1R gene variants associated with red hair and pain, including 65 of the 67 red-haired group and 20 of the 77 with dark hair.

They were more than twice as likely to avoid the dentist as though who did not have the gene variants, even after the researchers controlled for those who had generally more anxious personalities.

The researchers advise that dentists should assess all their patients, but especially those with red hair, for fear of dental work.

However, dentists suggested that the gene might occasionally drive redheads to their dentist more swiftly.

Or maybe it’s because YOU CAN’T FIND A BLOODY DENTIST IN THE FIRST PLACE!!!

Minnie Mouse manhandled

A Pennsylvania man was found guilty of misdemeanour battery today for groping Minnie Mouse at Walt Disney World in Florida.

Brittney McGoldrick testified in an Orlando court yesterday that she was groped by a 59-year-old grandfather while she was playing the cartoon character Minnie Mouse.

She told the Orlando court that on June 7, John Moyer of Cressona, Penn., “came at me and grabbed my breasts” during a photo shoot, WFTV Channel 9 reports.

The young woman said she was greeting children in “Toontown” at the Magic Kingdom when she heard a “creepy laugh” before Moyer grabbed her breasts and rear end.

McGoldrick pushed her attacker’s hands down, but said she could not call out because character employees are not allowed to speak while in costume.

A Disney photographer allegedly caught the attack on film.

Moyer was sentenced to two days in jail, which he has already served, 180 days of probation and 50 hours of community service.

Should’ve gone to specsavers.


And finally:

Yawning gap in justice

A man has been jailed for yawning 'boisterously' in court.

Judge Daniel Rozak was left seriously unimpressed when Clifton Williams stretched and let out the badly timed yawn just as his cousin's sentence was being handed out for drugs offences.

Williams faces six months in jail for criminal contempt.

Williams’ father told St Louis Today: "I was flabbergasted because I didn't realise a judge could do that. It seems to me like a yawn is an involuntary action."

And Williams got further backing from the cousin in question Jason Mayfield, who insisted it was 'not an outrageous yawn'.

But Chuck Pelkie from the state's attorney office told the paper: "It was not a simple yawn - it was a loud and boisterous attempt to disrupt the proceedings."

Not a Numpty but a Pillock.

Angus

Angus Dei politico

Angus Dei-NHS-THE OTHER SIDE