Twitter Twat: Marmite Dahn Unda (and right a bit): The Cucamelon: Farting smokers: and Popeye’s home.

Masses of skywater, minimum atmospheric movement, much lack of warm and bugger all solar stuff (as usual) at the Castle this morn, the right elbow is still excruciatingly painful but at least I can use one finger-hence today’s load of old bollocks.

 

Son of a B.....aronet and alien reptile in disguise

George (fiddler in the sideboard) Osborne has decided to concentrate his massive lack of intelligence on something even more important than the economy-he wants to get more followers on Twitter than starey eyes Ed Balls.

Mathematically challenged Osborne who started using his account (@George_Osborne) yesterday morning, has already racked up over 34,000 followers despite having only sent four tweets.

In contrast, the Shadow Chancellor has sent over 3,000 tweets, and has gained over 77,000 followers.

When challenged by Daybreak presenter Lorraine Kelly as to whether he spent most of yesterday on the micro blogging site, Osborne replied: "I confess I didn't spend most of yesterday doing it. I did a couple of tweets and I'm getting used to it. But it's a pretty fast and furious world out there on Twitter.”

Within minutes of sending his first tweet, which included a photograph of the Chancellor apparently adding some final touches to his Budget, he was bombarded with abusive tweets.

 

Took me bloody ages to write them....

 

Dahn Unda and right a bit

Marmite has returned to New Zealand, after the 2011 earthquake in Christchurch makers, Sanitarium, closed its factory but "From March 20, Marmite is back on supermarket shelves across NZ.

Marmite was originally imported into New Zealand but by 1919 the country had come up with its own version, which tastes quite different from the English version.

As a result, importing English Marmite simply would not work, said Pierre van Heerden, Sanitarium's general manager.

Earlier in March Mr Van Heerden and former All Blacks captain Buck Shelford visited Christchurch to deliver some of the new jars.

 

Spiffing, think I’ll stick to the Blighty version

 

And all over Blighty in the “spring”

Gardeners will now be able to grow cucamelons which are the size of a grape but looks like a watermelon and it tastes like a cross between a cucumber and a lime.

Suttons Seeds has started stocking the plants, Latin name Melothria Scabra.

A spokesman said: “The fruit can be used in a variety of dishes, including salads and salsa, or on a cocktail stick in a Martini, which works quite well.” 

Can’t wait, all you have to do is dig through the snow, break up the frozen soil with a pickaxe, sow your cucamelons and wait, and wait and.......

 

West to the land of Canadians

 

Ontario anti-smoking ads featuring young adults farting up a storm at a party has gone viral.

In its new Quit The Denial campaign, the province's health ministry compares social smoking to social farting.

"Well, it's true that I fart. But I wouldn't call myself a farter. I'm a social farter," says the blonde woman featured in the ads, as the camera pans across a party full of young, hip Ontarians letting 'em rip.

"I really only do it when I hang out with my friends that fart. We hang out. We drink. We dance. Just have some fun being together, farting."

The campaign highlights similarities between social smokers and social farters, noting they both do it to break the ice, and the smell tends to linger.

The video has run on blogs, ad sites and newspapers around the world.

Since then, the province has released videos comparing social smoking to social earwax picking and social nibbling food off other people's plates.

 

Nice to see that Canadians are into social equality....

 

And finally:

 

East to Malta

Tucked away in the small island is a place you’d probably never expect to find in the real world– Popeye’s Village. Also known as Sweethaven Village, it is an ideal family-vacation spot and one of Malta’s major tourist attractions. The fun park is modelled on the theme of the favourite children’s cartoon character, Popeye the Sailor Man. Interestingly, this village was the actual set used by Paramount Pictures and Walt Disney Productions to shoot the 1980 film Popeye, based on the comic strips by E. C. Segar.

At Sweethaven, you can expect to see models of all the main characters of the popular children’s cartoon – Popeye the Sailor, Olive Oyl, Bluto, Swee’Pea and Wimpy. You can also go on joy rides and visit play houses, puppet shows, museums, and cinema sessions featuring the film Popeye and the construction of the set. You can even star in your own film, record it and take it home. But that’s not all, there are a host of other things to see and experience, like face painting, balloon modelling, storytelling, open-air barbeques, crafts and Wii games. There’s also a mini golf course and a free wine tasting for adults. The season-specific activities are a huge hit as well, these include water trampolines, play pools and boat rides during the summer and a Christmas Parade along with Santa’s toy town in December.

 

Lovely, but at least the banks are still open….

 

That’s it: I’m orf to check the garden for wasp spiders-just in case

 

And today’s thought:

Aspiration Nation

 

Angus

Lincoln green: Bitter Dopey: The Bourne Numpty: Light of the street: Sheep racing: and Red planet litter.

Some odd atmospheric conditions at the Castle this morn-lack of cold stuff, no solar activity, lots of damp stuff in the air and not a lot of light stuff.

And I see that U-Turn Cam has decided to spend his money in Majorca rather than Blighty...

Up a bit from dahn ‘ere in ‘Ampshire

Final plans for a £19m refurbishment at Lincoln Castle are to go on show.

Planned work includes a new vault to showcase the Magna Carta, repairs to the castle wall and the restoration of two prison buildings.

The refurbishment has been part-funded by a £12m grant from the Lottery, with the county council providing £5.2m towards the project.

A presentation event showcasing the improvements is being held at The Lawn in Lincoln later.

The county council has made a £1.1m bid for European funding. The rest of the money needed will rely on fundraising efforts.

Chance would be a fine thing...

Up in the Smoke

Apparently Dopey Bercow has hit out at MPs and journalists who have attacked him saying his critics are 'resentful' and 'embittered'.

Sneezy, sleepy, doc, happy, bashful and grumpy’s mate dismissed his many critics in the Commons, including those who accuse him of bias towards Labour, as the "hard right" who are jealous that he is Speaker.

And he said he was "uninterested" in media reports which often suggest he is prone to interrupting debates to deliver unnecessary pronouncements.

Allegedly he is “supremely uninterested as to what is written in many of the newspapers.

"Their utterances are absolutely of no interest to me whatsoever. I’m sorry to disappoint them, but they’re just not important.”


Methinks he protests too much...

Over to the left a lot

Police say a man accidentally shot himself in the buttocks at a Nevada movie theatre during a showing of "The Bourne Legacy."

Police in Sparks, Nev., say the 56-year-old man's injuries are not life-threatening and no others were hurt.

Authorities say the man had a permit to carry a concealed firearm. The man told officers the gun fell from his pocket Tuesday night as he was adjusting himself in the seat and that it discharged when it dropped to the floor.

Ah the old right to bare arse constitution...

Over a bit to Connecticut

Connecticut Light & Power has reimbursed a woman almost $10,500 after acknowledging it billed her for 25 years for the electricity used to power streetlights near her home.

Grace Edwards tells the Hartford Courant she discovered the billing error after a prospective buyer for the house in Cheshire asked for a history of utility charges.

The bills included line items for "9500 Lumen HP Sodium" and "6300 Lumen HP Sodium"—two sodium vapour streetlights.

When she inquired about those charges, Connecticut Light & Power said a developer who previously owned the home had agreed to pay for the streetlights.

The company removed the charges from her bill but initially refused to reimburse Edwards for past charges. She said they relented when the state's Office of Consumer Counsel got involved.

Looking at the Castle Leccy bill I reckon I am paying for most of ‘Ampshire’s outdoor lighting...

Norf of the border

Hundreds of fans lined the streets of Moffat, Dumfriesshire in Scotland to witness the first annual sheep race.

The gang of sheep were ridden by custom made knitted jockeys as they competed in several heats throughout the day.

Members of the public were also able to place £1 bets at the event which was won by the weekend's fastest four legged competitor Lingonberry.

Organiser Thomas MacDonald of Moffat Promotions Group now hopes to turn the event into an annual competition.

'It is a new event for us in Moffat and we believe it is the first in Scotland to be held on public streets,' he told the BBC.

 

Probably better than that big sporty thing dahn in Smoke...

 And finally:

Millions and millions of space units away

Images taken by the Curiosity rover on Mars show a plume of dust, left, which had disappeared when another photo was snapped 45 minutes later. Engineers say the plume indicates the crash-landing of the spacecraft that delivered the rover to the Martian surface. (NASA) – laTimes

Engineers said Friday that the Curiosity rover happened to catch a picture of its own ride crash-landing on Mars.

The photograph captured a pyramid-shaped blotch on the horizon the same photo taken 45 minutes later with the same cameras showed the same view of the Martian landscape, but no blotch.

Trust human kind, spend billions on a fruitless expedition to another planet and then all we do is litter the place....

 

That’s it: I’m orf to change my mobile provider

And today’s thought:

Dahn Unda smoking law

Angus

No smoke without a bung: HMRC waste and mismanagement: Big Bird in Fife: Canned menu: Catapult crime: and a Bulgarian Mermaid.

Coldish, blowy and a drizzle of skywater at the Castle this morn but at least it will wash away the sand from all over the Honda that appeared yestermorn.

I see that the boss of my bank has decided that he will remain in his rather well paid job because it wasn’t his fault but a "small number" of employees who had tried to make profits for their own benefit.

And whether or not the weather will banjax Blighty for the second day.

Apparently more than five MPs involved in the “plain packet” fag do-dah

Accepted lunch and two tickets to the Chelsea Flower Show valued at £1,132.80.

Brian Binley, along with Alun Cairns, Karl McCartney, Stephen Metcalfe, Laurence Robertson and Therese Coffey had a nice meal and a wander round the flora display in the posh part of the Smoke courtesy of  Japan Tobacco International – which owns brands such as Benson & Hedges, Camel, Silk Cut and Mayfair

Allegedly they were reportedly among 51 MPs to have expressed "serious concerns with the Department of Health's proposal to introduced standardised or 'plain' packaging for tobacco products". Health campaigners believe the measure will reduce the attraction of smoking to teenagers.

Mr Binley told the Daily Telegraph he had "not acted immorally". Japan International Tobacco, he said, "made a kind invite that I accepted on that basis. From the perspective of freedom, people who smoke are victimised. No one is doing very much about the 40,000 who die from eating too much every year".

All smoke and mirrors?

 

Her Maj’s Revenue and Customs

Wrote orf almost £5.2 billion in taxes according to a report published by official auditors today, last year it overpaid around £2-£2.5 billion in tax credits and underpaid up to £290 million as a result of fraud and error.

Over the last two years, the report found there had been a "large increase" in the amount of tax which HMRC has decided not to pursue - including £756 million worth of income tax in 2011/12 alone. Total tax debts being pursued stood at £13.3 billion at the end of March, down from £15 billion the year before.

The 2011/12 total of £5.17 billion in write-offs and remittances - debts which have been dropped because they are too small to be worth pursuing or would cause hardship if collected - included £1.5 billion in income tax, £1.9 billion in VAT, £653 million in National Insurance and £503 million in corporation tax.

Nice, but it didn’t stop them charging me £8.90 VAT on my parcel from the States....

 

Norf of the border

An eagle owl remained on the loose in Fife after apparently escaping from captivity.

Residents in the village of Townhill are being urged to lock their doors and windows and keep their pets firmly out of reach of the beast – one of the world’s most vicious owls.

The Scottish SPCA has been notified but has said that unless an owner can coax it home, the charity will not attempt a capture.

Scottish SPCA chief superintendent Mike Flynn said: “These birds are notoriously difficult to catch and we would only be able to uplift it if already contained.”

With a six-foot wingspan, it can eat a baby deer, rodents, rabbits and hares but has been known to attack cats, small dogs and even other birds of prey.

 

Don’t suppose a rolled up newspaper would be much use then......

East to the place where they have strange eating habits

A restaurant that serves only canned food has become quite popular; you can eat cold food from a tin with plastic cutlery and pay for the privilege.

Things have been going so well that Clean Brothers, the restaurant and cafe Company behind the bizarre “diner”, has begun franchising the idea throughout Japan, under the name Mr. Kanso, and there are currently 17 branches, 14 of which are franchises, but the number of interested franchisees is growing steadily.

There are no menus at Mr. Kanso restaurants, just shelves lined with about 300 different types of canned foods from all around the world; you can find anything from Hokkaido bear curry to French salad in a can.

And this isn’t related in any way to radiation......because there isn’t any...

West to the home of the motor and the land of speed cameras

Police in Maryland say a man has been charged with assault for using a slingshot to fire glass marbles at a speed camera van.

Authorities say Bruce Lawrence May of Ellicott City was arrested Tuesday. The 50-year-old Lawrence was also charged with destruction of property and reckless endangerment. He was released on $3,000 bond.

Howard County police say that at about 5 p.m. Tuesday, the van was near Manor Woods Elementary School when the operator heard something hit the side of the vehicle. The operator saw a minivan pass and saw the driver with a slingshot fire another projectile at the speed camera van.

Police say that May had received two speed camera violations recently.

No shit....

And finally:

 Not a Vampire but a Mermaid skeleton.

That’s it: I’m orf to enter the Butler in the International Submarine Races event.

And today’s thought:

Oh crap! This is going to hurt Olympics

Angus

Smoke ‘n’ mirrors: 00Семь: Less for more: Hotel Broadmoor: Watch this: and Quantum tunnelling.

More than a whimsy of wet stuff at the Castle this morn; dark and dingy too, in fact if it continues I may need a dinghy...

Finally finished the garden-spread the 8 bags of free compost around the beds and managed to go arse over tip while playing chase with his Maj on the moss-twisted an ankle and did even more damage to the right elbow.

The moral is-old farts shouldn’t forget that although the mind operates at the age of 12 years the body doesn’t...

I see that Knobhead Lansley is still living in a parallel universe

And has had yet another pop at smokers, this time he reckons that putting nicotine stuff behind doors will: a; help more addicts give up, b; ensure “we no longer see smoking as a part of life”, and c; stop encouraging young people to start smoking, and has put totally imaginary adverts on the box pretending that we will kill all our babies.

Couple of points:

Smokers contribute Billions more in taxes than they take out from the NHS, they die younger and therefore reduce the pension bill and if everyone gave up tomorrow the money lost will have to be recouped from those miserable sods of non smokers and the even more miserable ex-smokers.

Serves em right...

According to MI 4+1 and 2

Russia has as many spies operating in Britain today as it did during the Cold War, security services believe.

Up to half the staff at the Russian embassy in London could be involved in intelligence gathering, a senior source told The Daily Telegraph.

Around 40 Moscow spies are believed to be operating in this country at any one time. Some are involved in traditional state espionage, while others monitor London-based oligarchs or engage in industrial spying for the commercial benefit of Russian firms.

There are fears Russia will ramp up its efforts over the coming months while the UK security services focus on the Olympic Games and the Queen’s Jubilee celebrations.

Har, bleedin har-they are expecting to gather “intelligence” about the Piss Poor Policies Millionaires Club Coalition; I hope they copy all they have done-that will fuck up Russia even more...

And talking of the shirt lifting Eton dorm gang

Thanks to the Piss Poor Policies perpetrated by the self elected Millionaires Club Coalition spending on welfare payments, schools and hospitals will have to be slashed by billions of pounds more than the Government has planned for as a result of economic downturn, Treasury estimates revealed yesterday.

The cuts – more than £10bn a year by 2016 – are likely to result in further swingeing reductions to benefits and public sector services well beyond the next election.

A cut of £10bn in the welfare budget roughly equates to an average of £500 a year for each of the 18 million people on benefits – a £10-a-week prospective drop in income for the poorest families. The current spending round has already has seen £18bn in welfare cuts.

On top of this, further departmental spending cuts are expected to be necessary – at a rate similar to the current reductions.

Alien reptile in disguise George (Bullingdon club bore) Osborne said “at current rates the welfare budget was set to rise and consume a third of all public sector spending”.

"If nothing is done to curb welfare bills further, then the full weight of the spending restraint will fall on departmental budgets," he said.

He added that even if the rate of cuts imposed on departmental budgets were to continue beyond the current spending review period they would need to find further savings in welfare payments of £10 bn by 2016.

"The next spending review will have to confront this," the Chancellor said.

Still, it won’t be their problem by 2016...

Mental NHS trust

Parts of Broadmoor high-security psychiatric hospital could be turned into hotel and housing under plans announced by its NHS owners.

West London Mental Health NHS Trust hopes to interest a developer to convert the old Grade II Victorian buildings at Crowthorne, Berks.

Officials said the plans would help fund a £254million redevelopment of the remaining facilities at the hospital.

The homes and hotel rooms would be just a few hundred metres away from the new psychiatric unit but would be shielded by trees outside the high security perimeter.

Last month Bracknell Forest Council approved plans for an upgrade of the hospital, which will have 10 new wards, providing accommodation for 210 patients.

Construction of the new building in the high security facility is expected to start in the autumn of 2013. It is expected to open to patients in late 2016.

Wonder if there be will a rush of bookings....

Right to one of the places that isn’t back in the USSR

40-year-old Ukrainian artist Dmitriy Khristenkho creates intricate miniature models of motorcycles using component originating from watches. Khristenkho carefully breaks up the watches, shaping each part using a grindstone to ensure they are all the perfect size and shape before spending hours painstakingly gluing each component by hand. Each motorcycle can take anything up to 50 hours to complete. The complex creations sell for more than £300 each, with demand for personalized bespoke models rising.

That works out about six squids an hour...cheap at half the price.

And finally:

Back in Blighty to the place that isn’t Oxford

Scientists at the Cavendish Laboratory in Cambridge have used light to help push electrons through a classically impenetrable barrier. While quantum tunnelling is at the heart of the peculiar wave nature of particles, this is the first time that it has been controlled by light. Their research is published today, 05 April, in the journal Science.

Particles cannot normally pass through walls, but if they are small enough quantum mechanics says that it can happen. This occurs during the production of radioactive decay and in many chemical reactions as well as in scanning tunnelling microscopes.

According to team leader, Professor Jeremy Baumberg, “the trick to telling electrons how to pass through walls, is to now marry them with light”. 

This marriage is fated because the light is in the form of cavity photons, packets of light trapped to bounce back and forth between mirrors which sandwich the electrons oscillating through their wall.

Research scientist Peter Cristofolini added: “The offspring of this marriage are actually new indivisible particles, made of both light and matter, which disappear through the slab-like walls of semiconductor at will.”

One of the features of these new particles, which the team christened ‘dipolaritons’, is that they are stretched out in a specific direction rather like a bar magnet. And just like magnets, they feel extremely strong forces between each other.

Such strongly interacting particles are behind a whole slew of recent interest from semiconductor physicists who are trying to make condensates, the equivalent of superconductors and superfluids that travel without loss, in semiconductors.

Being in two places at once, these new electronic particles hold the promise of transferring ideas from atomic physics into practical devices, using quantum mechanics visible to the eye.

Yeah right...I think...beam me up Scotty...

That’s it: I’m orf to get some smart clothing

And today’s thought: 

Natural physics

Angus

May-be she’s telling porkies: Three core still doesn’t get it: Smokin motor: Parting the moat: Hole in one: and an alien on ice.

Cold, dark, dingy and leafy at the Castle this morn, the study is nicely packed with defunct do-dahs and fat teenagers are sliding into the furnace like shit orf a shovel.

I see that Theresa May (be telling porkies)

Is back on the front pages after Sir Michael Scholar made a rare intervention after crime reporters were told that more cocaine and almost double the amount of heroin were detected between April and September of this year than in the whole of the previous 12 months. They held the briefing on 4 November for publication three days later.

But the department's official Statistical Bulletin showed the amount of heroin seized in England and Wales had actually halved in 2010-11 compared with 2009-10, while the amount of cocaine found was down by one-quarter.

The UKBA described the statistics as "management information" rather than fully audited figures and stood by the decision to release them.

 Lying bollocks-resign May.

And:

According to three core Cable

Motorists should not to expect “freebies” on fuel duty from the Government.

Mr Cable told the Daily Telegraph that the Government “isn't in the position to do a lot” on fuel duty. “We've got a very big budget deficit and the top priority is getting that down,” he said.

Because of changes already made by the Coalition, petrol prices are 6p a litre lower than they would have been, he said.

The Business Secretary, a Liberal Democrat, insisted that ministers have already done “quite a lot” for drivers and do not have the money for more help.

Sigh.......

And:

 

Staying with the motoring theme

According to the BMA (British Motoring Medical Association) all smoking in cars should be banned across the UK to protect people from second-hand smoke, doctors say.

The British Medical Association called for the extension of the current ban on smoking in public places after reviewing evidence of the dangers.

It highlighted research showing the levels of toxins in a car can be up to 23 times higher than in a smoky bar.

The doctors' union said an outright ban - even if there were no passengers - would be the best way of protecting children as well as non-smoking adults.

More nanny bollocks, why don’t they change tack and do something about the Piss Poor “doctors” out there that are killing and maiming patients and then walking away without any form of “punishment”.

Over to the below sea level land

Tourists are flocking to a Moses-style bridge where visitors can miraculously part the waters and walk across an historic moat.

The bridge features a sunken walkway beneath the water level surrounding a Dutch fort.

Architects were keen not to step on the toes of their forefathers by building a bridge over a moat.

Ad Kils, a spokesman for RO & AD Architects, said: 'It is, of course, highly improper to build bridges across the moats of defence works, especially on the side of the fortress the enemy was expected to appear on. That's why we designed an invisible bridge.'

The water forms part of the West Brabant Water Line, a series of moats and fortresses built in the 17th century in the south-west of the country to provide protection from invasion by France and Spain.

Falling into disrepair in the 19th century, the water line was finally restored and an access bridge was needed to Fort de Roovere.

Let’s hope there is a small boy available just in case, I Googled “finger in the Dyke” for the pic......some photos made even me blush....

Right a bit to the place where cheese has ventilation

A Swiss motorist baffled police by driving her van straight down a five foot hole surrounded by crash barriers without another single vehicle on the road.

Driver Ingrid Schneider, from Herisau, told police she'd been concentrating so hard on avoiding the roadwork’s she found herself being drawn straight towards them.

"She said the more she thought about it the closer it seemed to be dragging her in, like some kind of black hole," explained one officer.

"There wasn't another car in sight, she didn't need to swerve, and wasn't distracted. She just drove right into the middle of it."

How close to CERN is it?

And finally:

Right even more

A woman claims she has kept an alien in her freezer for two years after its module crash landed outside her house. Marta Yegorovnam wrapped the two-foot long body with a huge head and stick-like arms in plastic and hid it away.

She finally revealed her “secret” to the authorities and the pictures have sparked an internet frenzy with stargazers claiming they are proof there is other life out there.

Marta told investigators she found the alien after hearing a crash outside her home at Petrozavodsk, Russia, in 2009.

She claimed the body lay among the burning wreckage of a UFO.

Looks like son of a B.....aronet (and alien reptile in disguise) Osborne...

That’s it: I’m orf to get the drill out-I may be quite a while...

 And today’s thought: Q: How many radio astronomers does it take to change a light bulb?

A: None. They are not interested in that short wave stuff.

Angus

Blowing smoke: Iran-here we come: Beach art: Golden iPad: Euro snake: and know your Particle Physics.

Exceedingly wet, warm and wibbly at the Castle this morn, his Maj (minus his crown jewels) was collected from the vets yesterday pm, had some food and promptly fell asleep, he hasn’t stopped purring since he got home, the vet described the “op” as a chip and snip, which means that wherever he may roam he is on the database.

The study is half fullish of busted bloody computers, and I have just returned from the stale bread, gruel and pussy food run at Tesco.

It seems that U-Turn Cam is about to do it again

Ex smoker David Cameron has admitted to a change of heart about the smoking ban, saying he now considered it a success.

Speaking at Prime Minister's Questions, he said: "As a former smoker and someone who believes strongly in liberties and someone who did not support it at the time, it has worked."

He was responding to a Labour backbencher's question about a smoking ban in cars when children were present.

On that issue, the prime minister said, he would have a "serious think".

Stockton North MP Alex Cunningham, who asked the question, claimed the vast majority of people backed such a ban, and asked the government to support his Bill criminalising it.

 Too many fags at public school...

 

And:

Allegedly British armed forces are stepping up preparations for potential military strikes on Iran as the country triples its nuclear enrichment programme.

In anticipation of a potential attack, military planners are reported to be examining where best to deploy Royal Navy ships and submarines over the coming months as part of what would be an air- and sea-launched campaign led by the US.

The RAF could also provide air-to-air refuelling and some surveillance capability, should it be required.

The Ministry of Defence has played down strike preparations, saying they have been in place for some time.

It said they were secondary to a dual track strategy of pressure and engagement for a ‘negotiated solution’ in order to avoid a regional conflict.

Something to look forward to...

Dahn in Jersey

French artist Sam Dougados's designs of parallel lines within concentric circles transformed a beach from a plain seaside image into a fantastic display.

His award-winning design, which took a number of hours to create, was one of many in the World Beach Art Championships held in Jersey, sponsored by MyMemory.com.

The beach art was created by dragging a broom-like instrument across the sand.

So that would be a broom then...

Up to the proper bit of Blighty

An iPad customised with gold, diamonds and shavings of Tyrannosaurus rex bone has been billed as the world's most expensive gadget.

The £5m device is being promoted by British luxury goods specialist Stuart Hughes.

The iPad 2 is encrusted with 12.5-carat diamonds and has 53 separate gems forming the iconic Apple logo.

The back section has been formed in 24-carat gold and weighs two kilogram’s.

But the most expensive part is actually the main front frame which is made from the oldest rock the world has to offer - Ammolite.

Sourced from Canada, the stone is more than 75 million years old.

Just to cap off the unique design, part of a T-rex thigh bone dating back 65 million years is claimed to have been shaved into the stone.

The final touch is a single-cut 8.5-carat flawless diamond inlaid in platinum surrounded by 12 satellite gems.

Anyone want a 75 million year old iPad?

East a touch to what is left of the Eurozone

A Spanish man had a shock when he went to withdraw some money - and a snake came slithering out of the cash machine.

The man had stopped to get some cash from a branch of the Caja Madrid bank in Llodio, Alava, at 8am on his way to work.

The middle-aged man managed to grab hold of his money despite the snake attempting to attack him, reports Euro Weekly News.

He then alerted the police, who arrived on the scene, and with the help of the bank manager, discovered that the snake was trapped by the mechanism of the cash point.

The manager activated it from the inside, freeing the snake, which was put in a box and taken to a shelter.

Police say they have not ruled out the possibility that someone may have put it there for a prank.

However, they say that it is a rural area so it's possible the snake got there of its own accord

 That’s one way to cut spending...

And finally:

Just to get the old grey cells moving: 

A quiz on Particle Physics.

1.      Which sentence best describes the known dimensions of physics?

a) There are two known dimensions: matter and antimatter
b) We live in a multi-dimensional universe with infinite dimensions
c) There are four known dimensions: length, height, width and weight
d) There are four known dimensions: Length, height, width and time

2.      Our universe is dominated by…

a) Ordinary matter
b) Dark matter
c) Dark energy
d) Equal amounts of all three

3.      Fundamental or elementary particles are particles that aren't made up of smaller particles. What is the most common type of fundamental particle in the universe?

a) Atom
b) Meson
c) Neutrino
d

4.      . What are the fundamental particles of an atom?

a) Quarks, gluons and electrons
b) Protons, neutrons and electrons
c) The nucleus and electron orbits
d) An atom cannot be broken down into anything smaller than itself

5.      What are fermions?

a) Elements with ferrous metallic properties
b) Fundamental particles of matter
c) Hard subatomic solids
d) Groups of particles with the same charge or mass

6.      What are bosons?

a) Elementary crew members on merchant vessels
b) A term in particle physics used to describe matter
c) Subatomic particles that carry forces
d) An electron switch used in nano-circuits

7.      Why are scientists looking for the so-called God particle or Higgs boson?

a) They like crashing atoms together for fun
b) They want to find a force carrying particle that gives other particles mass
c) They want to find evidence of God
d) Because physicist Peter Higgs wants his boson back.

8.       What are mesons?

a) A type of composite particle produced by high energy
b) A contagious disease caught by subatomic particles
c) An antimatter version of the electron
d) A type of Japanese soup

9.      Which of the following sentences about antimatter is NOT true:

a) Antimatter is normal matter with an opposite charge
b) Antimatter is only produced in particle accelerators
c) Antimatter annihilates matter
d) Equal amounts of antimatter and matter were created during the Big Bang

10.  What is super string?

a) Coloured material which can be sprayed out of cans and provide hours of fun for all ages
b) A time line in physics and chemical reactions needed for an effect to take place
c) Forces needed to hold atoms together
d) A hypothesis which attempts to explain the elementary particles of nature

All answers to Stephen Hawking, well it will give him something to do while he sits a bout on his arse all day.

That’s it: I’m orf to buy 75 birthday cake candles.

And today’s thought: Computers are not intelligent. They only think they are.

Angus