Colossal amounts of lack of warm, cartfuls of non
atmospheric movement, cheerless lack of solar activity and not even a cupful of
skywater at the Castle this morn.
A little old man
shuffled slowly into an ice cream parlour and pulled himself slowly, painfully,
up onto a stool. After catching his breath, he ordered a banana split. The
waitress asked kindly, "Crushed nuts?" "No," he replied,
"Arthritis."
‘OLD’ IS WHEN…
‘Getting a little action’ means you don’t need to take any fibre today.
‘OLD’ IS WHEN…
‘Getting a little action’ means you don’t need to take any fibre today.
‘OLD’ IS WHEN…
‘Getting lucky’ means you find your car in the parking lot.
‘Getting lucky’ means you find your car in the parking lot.
‘OLD’IS WHEN…
An ‘all nighter’ means not getting up to use the bathroom.
An ‘all nighter’ means not getting up to use the bathroom.
Most accidents on Britain's roads last year were the
driver's fault, four of the five most commonly reported reasons for a crash
involved driver or rider error or reaction, and "Failed to look
properly" was the biggest reason of all, reported in 42% of all accidents.
Yet another waste of paper from the University of the
bleedin obvious.
Are about to cough up around £15 million to Jeremy (I can’t
afford to go to the dentist) Clarkson and £10 million to Andy (I might retire
now) Wilman.
Auntie’s commercial arm, BBC Worldwide, has bought the Top
Gear host out of Bedder 6, the controversial joint venture company they set up
together in 2007, as part of a clamp down on complicated accounting practices
designed to bolster star pay.
BBC Worldwide established Bedder 6 with Mr Clarkson and Top
Gear’s producer, Andy Wilman, as a way of boosting their income without taking
the money directly from the BBC licence fee.
However, in a signal that the BBC’s new director general,
George Entwistle, has had enough of this sort of arrangement, the corporation
has now unravelled the deal.
BBC Worldwide has put Mr Clarkson and his co-presenters
James May and Richard Hammond back on a straightforward talent contract, tying
them into the car series for the next three years.
It has also taken full ownership of Bedder 6 – paying Mr
Clarkson and Mr Wilman handsomely in the process.
Still taking the piss them Jeremy....
Robbers attempted to blow up an ATM to get the cash inside
early Monday in the small German town of Darup.
Unfortunately they used more explosives than necessary and
managed to blow up the bank.
They did manage to get away with a low four figure pile of
Euros and are still on the run.
It’s the thought that counts I suppose...
A hotel worker has
been arrested after being found 'having sex with a sofa'.
Gerard Streator,
46, was allegedly seen bending over an abandoned yellow settee Waukesha city,
Wisconsin.
Police officer Ryan
Edwards, who reported the incident, said he saw a man "thrusting his
pelvic area" against the sofa.
Realising he had
been spotted the man ran away but was later caught by the officer.
Streator has been
charged and could face up to nine months in jail and a £7,000 fine if found
guilty.
Sofa-so good?
A hands-free camera
which is worn around the neck and uses a host of sensors to automatically
decide what photos to take is set to go on sale.
Autographer uses five on-board sensors and GPS capability to identify the perfect time to take a photo, based on changes in light and colour, motion, direction and temperature, and then snaps away using a wide-angle lens.
For instance, Autographer might capture an image when the wearer speeds up as they run for the bus, moves from a warm pub to a snowy street or turns around to greet a friend.
All the wearer has to do is put it on and go, and at the end of the day, watch their ‘unseen’ moments unfold through natural, unpredictable images and stop-frame videos, revealing a surprising new take on their world.
Autographer uses five on-board sensors and GPS capability to identify the perfect time to take a photo, based on changes in light and colour, motion, direction and temperature, and then snaps away using a wide-angle lens.
For instance, Autographer might capture an image when the wearer speeds up as they run for the bus, moves from a warm pub to a snowy street or turns around to greet a friend.
All the wearer has to do is put it on and go, and at the end of the day, watch their ‘unseen’ moments unfold through natural, unpredictable images and stop-frame videos, revealing a surprising new take on their world.
Simon Randall, Head
of OMG Life, says, “The beauty of Autographer is that you don’t have to stop to
take a photo or spend your day looking at life through a lens. You can live
your experiences to the full while Autographer spontaneously captures the
stories that happen all around you.
Autographer’s sensors capture metadata alongside the images,
meaning users can reconstruct a unique digital record of their day – where they
were, where they went, even what the temperature was.
Oh great; that’s all I need fifteen photos of me taking a
piss each day....
And finally:
A surfing instructor makes the most of the wet weather as he
rides waves behind a vehicle on a flooded road in West Yorkshire.
Bodyboarder Oli Barrett was filmed being towed along the A656 in Castleford
on Tuesday. West Yorkshire suffered heavy rainfall and flooding over the last few days during the worst September storm for 30 years.
Mr Barrett described the experience as a "bit surreal".
West Yorkshire Fire and Rescue said that the A656 had been closed at the time of Mr Barrett's bodyboarding.
Lucky that-there could have been an accident...
And today’s thought:
Failed to look properly.
Angus
